"There is also beauty in the waves that drag you to the bottom of the sea".
When she woke up again it was in a place where Gilbert, the Major had disappeared again, he had not even stayed in the village for a month when she woke up to the news. Somehow her tormented heart could at least rest from the stress that his return had caused her, or so she wanted to believe.
the memories of her life as a soldier, as a weapon came back to pieces like puzzles to make wounds in the scars she thought she had managed to heal, and looking at her reflection in the mirror violet felt that once again she was back to being that tool that the soldiers called monster, the one that returned making the villages burn in its path.
The world, although it did not seem so, was still not a safe place, on the coast the fleet of Captain Bouganvillea remained, waiting for orders, while ships full of war supplies kept arriving without stopping, trucks came and went with boxes full of weapons, gunpowder and food for the different factions throughout the country, while thousands of young people were enlisted in the different points. It was not easy for her to live in a world where she still felt she could be useful, but she had to remind herself again and again that she was no longer a warrior.
While every night in front of a candle and in the solitude of her room, Dietfried had been in the vicinity of the navy for weeks, and she wanted to imagine that she was only evaluating the strategies to follow and that she would not arrive home with the news of a new mission, not after having already felt that she had lost him once, today more than ever Violet felt inevitably vulnerable, and she felt that these were feelings she could not control.
"If you remember me, I won't care that everyone else in the world forgot me."
Dietfried had noticed since Gilbert's arrival that Violet's gaze had stopped being cold and opaque, that her pupil was glowing again, and that although he had managed to open her heart to new experiences, perhaps those experiences were not as powerful as what he could provoke in her, something that even he had not been able to achieve in all this time caring for her.
Her heart was still struggling with Gilbert in invisible battles, though Gilbert was gone; and Violet was still under his roof and protection, she felt something akin to fear, not even in battles at sea had she ever felt this way, and it was all so utterly overwhelming for one of her rank.
When he returned it was very late at night, the dim light in the study was strangely on, Violet had fallen asleep on the small table near the fire in the fireplace that illuminated the scene, he watched her from the door, when the housekeeper appeared "I had hoped to see him arrive, apparently the young lady did not make it", Dietfried nodded "please have her taken to her bedroom, it has been a very long day", "Yes, Master".
Absorbed in his invisible battles, he slowly unbuttoned each button of his suit, unbuttoned his shirt and dressed in his pajamas, lying there on his bed, the same one on which Violet had once or twice shared with him, he could still feel her scent on his sheets, and he didn't know, he couldn't find the way or the words to explain to her the succession of things that were about to happen.
...
"For there is no flower or garden that survives oblivion."
The wind carried the sound of the steamships to her window, when she opened her eyes the world was still that which only she could perceive with her eyes, she remembered then how much she had been waiting for Dietfried in his study, but due to the circumstances of the unleashed war she spent most of her time in his battleship.
Not only did she feel lonely in that huge place, but also useless, there was no longer any sense her in taking care of Gilbert's animals followed by the servants behind her, there was no purpose for her in that place just existing, not feeling useful.
Overcome with these feelings week by week, day by day the hours ran one after the other, time does not stand still for anyone and Violet knew that better than anyone, she had already burned once and it was not the time to light fires in her heart again.
Among the tumultuous crowd of the coastal town violet was taking a walk, a simple and useless walk to try to escape from the simplicity that had been offered to her, and the town so full of militia, and naval and aviation officers, only brought back the memories of her military childhood, then without desire the murmur of the wind brought words that she had not wished to hear "... so it is, Captain Bouganvillea will sail with the fleet this afternoon, he will meet with the admiral's fleet for practice with the new recruits".
Each and every one of her muscles tensed at the surprise, Dietfried was about to leave again, leaving her behind with her soul on edge, again in that huge house. her heart fluttered, she didn't want for any reason to feel useless again.