"This sunday might be the best that I would ever expirience in my entire life. I finally got back my car, and also my dog. Now all I want to do after escaping that hellhole of the town and defeating my father is to finally have a bit of rest…. Ahhhh…. There's nothing even better than a soft and cozy car seat with what's probably cheese dust….mmmmm."
"Woof" barked champ.
Turns out the great Postal Dude had slept right inside his car while driving. Who knows where he ends up in?
…
Site-69, 11:42 PM.
"General, we have spotted what appears to be a car towing a trailer home right outside of the base"
"Get the task force up and ready. We have to stop them from discovering this place."
…
"As you may know a car has been seen approaching this base. We want them to be arrested for trespassing and turned into a P-Class personnel as soon as possible"
"Sir yes sir!"
"Your mission is to set up a spike trap, apprehend the suspects, and take them into custody here immediately. Godspeed soldiers."
…
Dream Journal, 07/25/22
It was nighttime dark red skies illuminated by a demonic glow. I have no idea how I ended up here, or what is this place anyways. I stood up and walked into what appears to be an opened gate. Beacon Academy it says on the sign above. I haven't known any school with that name. Provided I never went to school anyways. Why would I want to? All id end up doing anyways is ending up in national news for the wrong reasons. Back to the problem at hand. I then walked and walked towards the giant clock tower towering above everything else. Also I find it funny that there is actually no gate. I actually arrived in this cool airship that brought me here. Which is why I wonder how did I already know the name of this place? I dunno maybe I just read it somewhere but it just popped right into my mind as soon as I entered here? I continued until when I went inside what appears to be the main building. That is when I got hit by the awful smell of death and then got hit even harder by what I saw; lifeless bodies of countless students still in their uniform piled up on top of each other, Colored hairs charred by fires, Corpses that are pre-minced, the one's with their faces intact show an expression more akin to fear that peace. I even heard gargling noises and when I checked it's from a bunny girl (No. She's an actual girl with bunny ears.) with a huge chunk of her neck torn off by a grim slash with what's probably a machete. Most of the people here I see have what appears to be animal parts attached to them. Some elaborate furry convention? Unlikely. The parts seem attached to their flesh somehow. Anyways I tried to ignore what happened here an instead find if there's someone still alive and not bleeding out. I don't have a weapon at the moment, so I decided to take what's nearest to me and then pull it out. It was a purse of some kind and there's still a severed hand holding it. I pulled it up but it was heavy. However it feels like as if an outside force is giving me the necessary strength to pick it up. I heed no thought for it and immediately hauled ass into deeper rooms. It was still a huge mistake though, although there are fewer corpses, they are all even more brutalized than the one's in the main hall. One of the bodies look like as if they were dragged across at super speed. One had his mace lodged straight through his chest (how is that even possible?) and a lucky one who only suffered being turned into a piece of Emmental Cheese. I noticed whoever did his murders was ridiculously resourceful, as he either uses the enemy's weapons against them or uses anything around him to kill. I walked even further when I saw some blondie who got shot with what looks like the purple hollow from that one Kakashi wannabe. (half or her upper body is obliterated and what is left on her right side is just a ribcage and a spine). I then encountered what appears to be the elevator room, where a massive scuffle ensued as the people guarding this fought hard for whoever started this massacre to not enter. One particular redhead had her head stuck on top of a spear on a plant pot right in front of a window, showcasing the true horror of this occasion. One girl had her top half severed like those old movies. She even tried to crawl away before eventually succumbing to her death and another who look like she got hit by a shotgun. Not glory killed, shotgunned. I then stepped into the elevator and sent it immediately to the top floor. All I knew is that someone important is there. No idea who. I then noticed that there is a headless body kneeling on the elevator floor. Probably from redhead's. the elevator dinged and opened subsequently. There are noticeably no dead bodies around but there is still blood. I then encountered 3 bodies; one who probably got shot with a shotgun to the face, another one still alive but had his entrails pouring out of a huge gash and another one still alive though and crawling towards what appears to be….me…. surrounded by darkness, white armor, holding up an old man, probably the important guy I thought off, and this group of people watching as….I then break the poor man's neck. Said group turned to me and then….
…..I woke up…..
…
"What the?" said Dude after his "peaceful" slumber.
The car's tires seem to be deflating after hitting that speed bump. He knew it! That guy sold most of the parts of his old car and replaced them with crap ones! He then stepped out of the vehicle to check upon the damage when suddenly,
*ZAP*
A huge surge of energy went through him. He screamed. His dog barked and barked until him to got zapped by whatever. Then he felt as a group of men immediately put him down and hand cuffed him. All he can do is hold out his hand as he watches as champ gets thrown into a dog cage before said hand gets locked and he further loses conciousness.
…
The Dude woke up feeling groggy. So groggy in fact he vomited straight into a toilet in front of him. A toilet in front of him? He then fixed himself before realizing that he's now in some sort of prison! Well at least a prison. He'd rather drop the soap than take whatever medication they gave him THERE. He noticed that theres a paper of some kind on the desk. He read it and it said:
"Greetings inmate. You are now a part of the Capture, Examine, Incarcerate Organization or the CEI for short. Our main goal is to capture all of the various anomalies around the globe and possibly use them to help our wealthy clients. You are placed in the role of a P-Class, therefore you're entire job is to just be a human lab rat. If you survive for 50 days you will be mind wiped and thrown 500 miles away from the facility you're residing in. If not then at least we know that a thing that would kill you if you blinked would indeed kill you if you blinked. We wish for your full participation because we don't want you alive anyways."
There's a string of text at the bottom that looks like it's been written using a pencil.
"P.S. your dog will be sent with you during your test. Good luck."
"Huh, well so much for a normal prison then" said Dude.
…
After a while of waiting and praying for Champ's safety the door opened with a guard holding a folder.
"wake up. You have a new assignment."
The dude stood up and took the folder opened it
…
CEI-1206
Portal to Narnia (and more)
Class: Safe.
Description: A machine that creates portals. The portals will take you to randomized fictional worlds featured in modern and old literature provided enough worldbuilding went into them.
There are many other words and stuff about what it does but the Dude was too bored for it, so he asked the guard.
"Hey, where did your kind superiors take my dog to"
"Don't worry, as stated in the letter he will be sent alongside you. If you're still thinking about it he has his own containment cell."
"where are we anyways"
"I am not authorized to say it to you. Follow your escort now."
The guard moved out of the way to show even more people in tactical gear moving waiting for him outside. Although he could probably break out right now, he has a great feeling telling him to move along that this is his destiny. Why is he even listening to it?
"Well ill be damned. Seems like my sins have finally caught up. Probably didn't put enough dollars in the donations box."
Dude followed his escort towards the containment room of the CEI he's going to be tested on. Once there the guards exited the room, leaving him behind. While that's happening, the PA system in the room boomed.
"Dear P-14, Please step into the platform."
Dude walked up the stairs and into the platform right in front of the machine in the file. After that a dog was sent right through.
"Woof Woof! Woof!"
"They didn't do anything to you there?"
"Woof!"
"They can live after whatever we do here anyways. At least were reunited in wherever I guess?"
"Woof!
A humming sound plays, followed by some electrical arcs. After that a bright light shone and the portal forms properly. Two guards appear and injected both Dude and Champ with some microchips on their necks and left immediately. The PA system blared the voice of one of the scientists shortly after.
"These sensors will be used to record whatever happens on the other side. Removal will result in detonation, killing both you and your dog. A timer is given to you to determine when you are cleared to return."
The Dude replied "So you are going to throw me and my dog to some random fantasy universe until approximately uhhhh a fucking year? What if I'm sent to that one grimdark world?"
"As stated on your letter, WE do not care about your lives whether you live or not. Just think of this as a long vacation if nothing happens if that helps"
"Shit. At least I still have my dog with me."
The dude and champ then stepped into the portal, never to be seen by anyone on their world again.
…
Somewhere in remnant
Some old guy screams, as he accidentally pours hot coffee straight to his crotch.
"Ozpin! are you alright?"
"Calm down Miss Goodwitch, yes, yes I am."
"But your entire pelvic area got burned! I'm calling peach here immediately!"
"It is not me who needs helping Glynda, It's Remnant. I just felt a force greater than the Grimm, one of no malice but only chaos. It has fragmented across the continents and I don't know what is it but it must be stopped!"
"At this point we should probably regulate your caffeine intake."
…
In a village not far from Vale, a normal dude who just wants to get a job suddenly feels off… like everyone around him just grinned and stared right at him for a split second. Weird, but nothing like living with an awful wife. Maybe that's a cool release, just grabbing a gun and as much ammo as possible and shooting up the entire town! What the fuck? Who told him that? Whatever, he'll visit his uncle later on this day.
…
War Journal, Possibly 8:00AM in an unknown timezone.
I fell onto a desert. There is no visible signs of civilizations around and I don't expect to find one immediately. Unfortunate, since I want to find out more about this world from their archives. What I feel first about this is the fact there seems to be no signs of the Disease, I can feel it wherever I go during my time on the old Earth, but now I might finally be in peace. I still can't be calm though as dangers lurk every single corner here, I don't know it and I don't want to. I will walk up north towards towards what I can see as a potential settlement. For now I must have a really really long walk.
…
A man in a brown leather trenchcoat suddenly barges into a fast food joint. He then proceeds to order a hamburger meal and when getting billed, he realizes that the people here don't use dollar, or any other real world currencies! Snap! A huge scuffle ensues between him and the police and he is now sent to a prison again.
AUTHOR'S Notes
Its been so long since I first published my first fanfic but I posted this one due to the fact on how rare fanfictions about postal dude are. So I wrote this one with my only expirience with RWBY being fanfictions. The story here will also be about 4 different versions of dudes running amok around remnant while the original dude (Jon St. John) tries to merge them to him so that he would be allowed to be sent back to his homeworld by the copyright friendly SCP Foundation.
I am hoping to get more engagement with this story because I need inspiration like CRAZY because I need to have something to be determined for so that I could work and have a will to live.
Happy new year and gobless everyone
EDIT 1, 1/21/2025
Just some edits. too lazy to correct typos. will release next chapter soon.