Cowritten by PuniPuni
Story is also published on AO3.
With less snow on the ground, Lizzie made her way back to the Uno household with her same winter coat and basket. She knew Nigel was still sick.
She made it up to the stairs of the treehouse to knock on the wooden door. Despite this, she let herself in.
"Hi Lizzie! Is your head feeling any better?" Numbuh 3 greeted. She waved to Lizzie as the guest placed her coat on the 2x4 rack next to her.
"Lizzie?!" Came from the couch. "What are you doing here?" Numbuh 5 stood up to walk closer to the girl.
"Nigie's still sick, so I'm going to make him a soup from here! I even brought the ingredients!" Lizzie held up her basket to Numbuh 5. In response, she lifted her shoulders up in a flinch.
"You know the entire fourth grade now knows your cooking stinks, right?"
"My soup saved me! If it can do that, what do you think it can do to his sinuses?" She countered as she crossed her arms and turned away. A small smirk came upon her face.
Numbuh 5 sighed, giving up. "All right, whatever. Numbuh 3, take her to Numbuh 1, please."
"Okie dokie!" she beamed. She stood up from her seat to lead Lizzie down a treehouse hallway. As the two girls walked off, Lizzie noticed Numbuh 5 pull her cap down to her face to cover her eyes. She seemed disgruntled.
Numbuh 3 came closer to whisper in Lizzie's ear. "She's upset because Numbuh 9's thirteenth birthday is tomorrow."
"Who's Numbuh—"
"Shh!" Numbuh 3 put her finger near Lizzie's mouth. "Numbuh 1's down here!" she changed the subject quickly.
The two girls made it down a wooden staircase that circled down to a kitchen room, where Numbuh 1 had been slowly sipping from an aluminum soda can. He was wrapped in a green blanket.
"Hi Nigie!" Lizzie beamed with a bright smile.
"L-Lizzie?!" Nigel's energy suddenly went up. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to make you something to feel better since my soup was used to destroy that stupid helmet Jimmy put on me! I even came up with an even better recipe to ease your sickness!"
Lizzie lifted her basket up onto the wooden table. It had ingredients like orange juice, salt, oatmeal, carrots, jalapeños, ice cream, and even more bizarre ingredients.
"Ah… no thanks, I am feeling a lot be—"
"TRY IT!" she barked back.
Nigel sat on a stool near the kitchen counter.
In the distance, Numbuh 3 walked backwards in a nervous laugh, exiting the area immediately. Nigel was left with his crazy girlfriend.
"I got these weird red peppers from the store. They're called jal-penos? Whatever, I think they'd make a fine addition. Now, where do I begin?"
"I don't think that's…" Nigel derailed, but his interruption went on deaf ears. He stayed in the front row seat of Lizzie's poor cooking choices.
Sprawling out the ingredients, Lizzie immediately began cooking. She first threw in some oatmeal, following vanilla ice cream. Proceeding with a few pieces of beef, she eventually mashed in some red jalapeño peppers into the mix.
Nigel winced. He looked toward the stairs, then back at Lizzie. Quickly, he had to make the choice of sneakily running away from the situation. He thought to himself how much he hated spicy foods, only using them for 2x4 weapons.
As Lizzie added some orange juice and a pinch of salt, Nigel quietly stepped behind his girlfriend to lead himself out of the door. Pouring the entire tube of salt into the mixture, Nigel used that as a cue to make a dash for it. Luckily, his socks were padded enough to absorb the sounds of the wooden floors creaking. Finally, he was out of there.
Meanwhile, Lizzie started to stir the mixture together.
"There! This soup will have you back to your old self in no time, Nigie!"
She turned behind her, but the stool was empty.
"Nigie? Nigie!" She called out from the top of her lungs. With his absence, she was left with nothing much to do with her soup. She shrugged.
Looking at what she made, she was confident it smelled and looked like a recipe from her home planet. She had never tried what she made, so she wondered if it would taste the same with human taste buds. She used her spoon to grab a bite to put her in mouth.
She chewed, trying out the flavor.
Her face turned red. Her tongue felt hot. Her eyes turned watery.
She opened her mouth as the feeling of fire blazed across her tongue. She exhaled with a sense of heat. This sensation of taste was not something she experienced before.
She shook it off, feeling the flavor die down when she put some vanilla ice cream in her mouth. Despite the strange combination of food, she enjoyed such an eccentric concoction.
"Yummy!"
A few more days had passed since the snow day. In the living room, Mrs. DeVine tapped her foot impatiently as she attempted to call the McGarfield family in her sixteenth attempt. On a desk nearby, school papers and pictures were sprawled out that had phone numbers to families in Lizzie's grade. There was a red circle marked over Jimmy's mother, along with a red skull being pointed at by an arrow from her picture.
The same voicemail started to play. "You've reached the McGarfield family, and… please, no more messages about our son, Jimmy!" A beep then proceeded.
"YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, ALL RIGHT! I will file a lawsuit from each member of your bloodline to compensate for my daughter Lizzie if you don't PICK UP THIS PHONE, NOW!" Mrs. Devine shrieked. She slammed the landline down in a crush so hard that nearly broke the telephone.
"Jimmy, that son of a… if only those kid scientists didn't add a curse blocker on my voice box…"
"My poor daughter," Mr. DeVine sobbed. He was crouched down behind the couch, facing his wife and the desk. "If only I wasn't at work, I could have done something…"
"Oh, quit your crying," Mrs. DeVine rolled her eyes. "You're not at fault for what happened."
"I still feel so guilty…" he sniffled.
Mrs. DeVine came closer to ruffle his hair. She then crouched down to his level. "You're so cute when you're sad," she whispered.
He sniffled again, not sure how to react to her gesture.
She then pulled his tie. "I love you like we've been married for more than twenty years." She bit her lower lip, tugging his tie harder.
"…do I have blush installed?"
"No, but I can see it in your eyes."
"MOM, DAD, EW!" yelled Bonnie from the kitchen, the open doorway displaying the scene of her mother on top of her father.
"B-Bonnie!" Mrs. DeVine quickly stood up on her feet and dusted herself off. "I— ahem, we're still seeking justice for what happened to Lizzie!"
Bonnie covered her eyes, putting her hands over her glasses. "Ugh, Jimmy makes my blood boil too, but… please don't do that in front of me ever again." She then rubbed her forehead.
"I didn't even know you were there! What're you doing down here?"
Bonnie hesitated. She laughed nervously. "Nothing."
Mrs. DeVine promptly marched past her daughter to immediately go the kitchen table.
"Wait— Mom, no! Don't look at those!"
Mrs. DeVine noticed the papers of Bonnie's writing that seemed to be a long organized document of her lifetime. It had the names of events from when she was a child to smaller details about herself: her favorite color, her favorite animal, movies and pop culture she had to catch up on, and more.
Bonnie covered her mouth as her mother slowly turned to her daughter. Bonnie felt her metallic heart sink.
"How long have you been doing this?" Mrs. DeVine asked in a serious, yet quiet tone.
Bonnie wanted to reply, but she felt herself choke on her own words to try to justify her longing for the human experience.
"Bonnie, you're a machine! You can't do this!"
"But Mom, I—"
"You were built for spy work! To be Lizzie's older sister! You're lucky Phil or Dave haven't used Mike recently to check in on you!"
"Mom, just listen—"
"Doing this could put us in danger, too! Who have you been telling this to? Some people are going to assume we're criminals if you start making things up that don't tie together from the resources we were given by the operatives!"
"I WANT TO BE REAL!" Bonnie screamed, breaking down.
Her parents on each side widened their eyes at her outburst.
Bonnie's eyes started to water. She looked at the floor, the stored water in her face pouring onto her cameras for eyes. She let her own hands come into her view, made of silicone leathery skin, and started to shake them.
"Doesn't it bother you… that you two don't have a love story? That you haven't experienced childhood? That you missed the opportunity to learn about the world over a grand course of time?"
Mr. and Mrs. DeVine looked at each other briefly. Bonnie wiped her eyes. She was hoping they would come around to understand.
"Honey, we're robots…" Mr. DeVine placed his hand on his daughter's shoulders. "Sure we feel things, like protection and love. We were made for that, but… we weren't built for long-term experiences."
Bonnie stared at her father with wet eyes.
"Your father's right, dear." Mrs. DeVine came closer to her daughter. "I know how much love you feel for Clyde, but—"
Bonnie released her arm from her father's grasp, pointing at her mother. "You leave Clyde out of this!"
"Honey, you need to understand you're a machine! How do you think he'd react to finding out who you truly are? He's an adult human!" Mrs. DeVine intervened.
"How can you call what you two have 'love' and be completely fine with your temporary places on Earth? Don't you feel like you want more in your life?"
Mr. DeVine came closer to reason with his daughter. "You know that adulthood is a disease! We'd be better off not in this society!"
Bonnie gritted her teeth. She continued to cry, but shook her hands into fists.
"SHUT UP!"
Bonnie covered her mouth. Her parents seemed shocked to see her abrasive side.
"Do not talk to your father like that!"
Mrs. DeVine reached for more of the paper and swiped them into her grasp. Bonnie attempted to reach for them, but she could not grab them in time.
"I'm taking these away from you! I don't want to see this again!"
"But—"
"No buts!" Mrs. DeVine stomped her foot down. She gave her daughter a sharp expression, then walked away toward the living room.
Mr. DeVine came closer to his daughter and lifted her chin up gently. "We just want to protect you, OK? Think about us… Think about Lizzie."
He gently pat his daughter's back, then followed his wife to the living room.
Bonnie sighed. She reached for a kitchen chair to sit on, wiping the tears away from her eyes. She thought about how much she was missing from being a real human. It made her feel sad. And now, her parents disapproved of her longing for being real.
Staring at the floor, Bonnie noticed how a small spider crawled on the floor toward her. She narrowed her eyebrows, looking up to find her little brother peeking at her behind the entryway of the kitchen. Upon being noticed, he disappeared.
Numbuhs 74.239 and 71.562 were in a secluded laboratory on the Dark-Side-Of-The-Moonbase. They were having their lunches on an empty lab table as 71.562 begged his younger teammate to tell him what he saw in Infinity's office.
"Oh come on! Please?"
"No way!" 74.239 replied. "It was horrifying! It was insane! It was… unscientific!"
"Unscientific? Pssh, you'd say that because you have too much mulch in your brain."
74.239 stood up to slam his hands down on the lab table. "I do not have mulch in my brain! If anything, you're a bird brain!"
71.562 stood up to respond. "Nuh uh!"
"Your species look like a purple bowling pins with feathers on them!"
"Well your species look like a cyclops twig!"
"Does not!"
"Does to!"
"DOES NOT!"
"DOES TO!"
The boys froze when they heard the speaker emit a message from Numbuh Infinity's voice.
"Attention all galactic operative scientists, please report to the galactic conference hall for a special announcement."
Slowly, the two scientists sat back down in their seats. They stared at each other for a moment, then started to wolf down their lunch.
The two boys hurriedly made their way to the conference room with crumbs and stains on their lab coat. The squeaking of their shoes on the glossy floor filled the hallway they ran down. They both placed their hands on the conference room door, but the boys started to push each other to get into the door first. 74.239 grabbed 71.562 to shove him out of the way, opening the door. 71.562 proceeded to latch onto his lab coat to grab him back, put his counter pull forward pushed the doors inside with the door opening, making them fall to their faces.
Inside the room, the boys faced the podium Numbuh Infinity was standing by. Next to him, Numbuh 274 held his arms crossed behind his back. The audience of scientists turned their heads to see the two boys.
"Yes… welcome, Numbuh 74.293 and Numbuh 71.562. Have a seat," Numbuh Infinity instructed.
Immediately, the boys sat on the squishy red seats in the very back. The attention then went back to Infinity and the teenager.
"Well, as I was saying, Numbuh 274 has proposed we take more hands-on action for our research of Earth. We will deploy you into the Kids Next Door Deep Sea Science Laboratory to study Earth-specific anomalies and create weapons against the adults and teens."
"What's Numbuh 274 doing here?!" One of the scientists interrupted, pointing at Chad.
"I came here to allow you to place your boogers into the C.O.D.E.-M.O.D.U.L.E.," he announced as he brought out the code module from behind him. "You won't be recognized as official operatives or use your DNA to access certain areas without it."
"Teenager," another scientist scoffed.
Chad gritted his teeth slightly at the comment. A few of the others were fetching him dirty and suspicious looks, off-putted by his age. Some started to whisper to each other.
"My fellow operatives, settle down. Numbuh 274 is teenage operative, the only human aware of this organization. He merely shows mild symptoms of the disease of adulthood."
Chad's other hand from behind his back started to slightly clench into a fist. His eye twitched slightly, but he remained static as to show his professionalism.
"Now, with the matter at hand. Chad introduced the DNA of Numbuh 74.239 and Numbuh 71.562 into the module, as was instructed by our soopreme leader Numbuh Aleph Zero himself. He has instructed us to continue expanding our galactic operative numbers to work on Earth. To continue our research, we will allow the rest of the operatives to…"
As Numbuh Infinity went on, many of the scientists turned around to look at the boys in the back awkwardly. They attempted to face away from them, but the tension was too harsh.
"…Before we enter the DNA of you all into the module, I need to select one of you to travel to the Moonbase with Numbuh 74.239 and 71.562 to place the module back where it belongs. Then, the rest of you will blend into the Kids Next Door on Earth until further instruction. Now, allow me to pick an operative for the aforementioned task."
Several scientists shot their hands up into the air to wave them frantically. Many shouted "Me! Pick me! Me!" As they begged to see the curiosities of the Moonbase.
Infinity curled his finger to scan his audience to pick a candidate. He placed his other hand on his chin. "You, Numbuh 275."
The shyest operative, leaning against the corner of a red seat to the very right, pointed at himself with raised eyebrows.
"Yes, you, Numbuh 275. Come up here," he waved with his palm facing upward.
The rest of the eager scientists groaned in disappointment as the small boy came onto the stand near the podium. He did not speak.
"Now, I wish to recite the three most important rules as a human. Number one,"
"Breathe through your nose," the scientists all responded slowly.
"Number two."
"Adapt quickly."
"Number three."
"No one is suspicious of you."
"Excellent. Now please, line up in front of the podium so you may disperse your DNA into the C.O.D.E.-M.O.D.U.L.E.. After you do so, you will be dismissed."
The meeting followed with the kids lining up to eagerly place their DNA into the module. Chad came forward to hold the module steady for the operatives.
In the back of the room, Infinity walked up to the two boys, along with a shy 275 next to him. "Boys, please wait by the hangar."
The three scientists walked together out of the room and over to the hangar. They were silent for the most part.
"So, is there a reason we need a third?" 71.652 pointed to 275 behind him with his thumb.
"Is there a reason we even need two?! It doesn't take a tribe of rainbow monkeys to figure out where to place a code module!" 74.239 argued as he turned around.
"Oh, you're just mad we're both in the fifth grade!"
"Why you little—"
"Hey. Where're you headed?" was softly spoken to the boys. They had reached the hangar.
"Oh, hey Numbuh 9L. We're being transferred to Earth."
9L's eyes expressed a sense of pleading. "What? No!" she burst as she grabbed the ginger's hand. "You can't go! I don't want to do more tests! You and 71.562 are the only ones that care about me!" she whispered the last sentence. She pulled the boy toward her, but he drew himself back.
"Numbuh Aleph Zero's orders. Good luck with the rest of your tests," he concluded as he went further inside the hangar. 71.562 followed.
9L stared desperately at 275. "Please don't go," she whispered to him.
275 looked nervous. He exchanged glances between her and the operatives. He eventually waved to her goodbye, then rushing up to the other two scientists.
9L sighed. She wiped her eyes, exiting the area of the hangar with her head low.
Bonnie was on low battery. She stayed up all night watching television to distract her from the argument she had with her parents.
Bonnie checked her cellphone. She received a goodnight text from her boyfriend accompanied by three hearts. It was sent hours ago. She sighed as she placed her cellphone down, rubbing her forehead.
"Oh Clyde… I love you so much…" she wept. She looked at the time right below the television. It was nearly three in the morning. She went to reach for the remote, but the television played a segment that caught her ear.
"What is sentience? What does it mean to be alive?"
Bonnie immediately diverted her attention to the television, glowing its electric screen against her silicone face.
"Hello, my name is Chris, and I'm here with Doctor Espinoza, who studies the psychology of living things."
Bonnie stood up from the couch to creep closer to the television, slowly sitting herself down with crossed legs like a child.
"Please, please have answers for me," she whispered ever so softly, bringing her hands to her face.
"Well, let's start off simple. Doctor, tell me, what is sentience?"
"That's a great question, Chris. To put it simply, it's firstly about having experiences. Experiences such as how living beings interact with the world externally, and internally."
Bonnie widened her eyes when she realized that she could write this down. Quickly, she went to the desk to grab a wad of sticky notes and a pencil. She began to frantically write down bullet points of the television's information.
"Positive and negative experiences and feelings make us sentient. Motivations to not continue an action from a negative experience allow us to learn from experience, which also plays a key factor…"
Bonnie felt confident that the information displayed so far was connected to herself. There was a small smile that came across her face from this information.
"The fact that other animals are conscious and have sentience while others aren't tells us that there's a line to be crossed on how intelligent a creature is to make it sentient."
"I see. Give us an example, Doctor."
"Well, if it has a brain and a nervous system, it's most likely conscious. Something like a plant wouldn't be."
Bonnie looked at her hands. She believed, for a moment, her CPU and her wires was the brain and nervous system of herself. She then remembered Lizzie. Her beautiful baby sister, a conscious plant. A real alien.
"Tell me, Doctor. Do you think machines will ever become sentient?"
Bonnie leaned in closer, her face inches away from the screen.
"Well, I don't believe so, Chris. Machines are made of wires and CPUs, not brains and nervous systems."
Bonnie leaned back, her shoulders drooping.
"It'd be an unlucky day if scientists ever decided to make them more like us."
Bonnie reached for the remote to turn the television off. She sighed. "Oh, what's the point?"
Bonnie fell back to lie down in the couch. She covered her eyes with her hands, then sighed deeply again.
A few seconds had passed, but she felt her shoulder being tapped gently. This spooked her enough to jump and turn to see who it was.
"Oh, Mike it's just you. Wait…"
Mike reached his hands up as a sign he wanted to be on the couch next to his sister. He could not quite jump up.
"Did you see anything earlier today? When Mom was trying to call the McGarfield family, and we had a little fight?"
Mike tilted his head, then shook it. He was more focused on getting a hug or snuggle from his sister.
"Dang it, that means Phil definitely used you to see that argument I had. I'm screwed."
Mike slammed his fists on the couch. He wanted up.
"I'm sorry, bud. Come here,"
Bonnie picked up her little brother to place him on the couch. His little blanket was in his right hand. He went to place it on top of his oldest sister's lap, then leaned against her. He wrapped his arms around her left arm.
Bonnie went to gently stroke the hair of Mike. She could tell he was tired, but could not power down for some reason.
"Mike, can you read?"
Mike, with his eyes closed, shook his head.
"Mike, I'm going to teach you how to say, 'I love you'."
Mike opened his eyes. He smiled at his sister as if he was about to receive a gift.
"Put your hands in a heart shape, like this," Bonnie gestured by curling her fingers and stretching her thumbs to resemble a heart shape. Mike attempted to copy her.
"And I'll press it against your chest, like this," she pressed the heart shape gesture against her little brother's chest.
"I love you!" she whispered with a bright smile.
As soon as she brought her hands back, Mike used his hands to creature a heart shape, repeatedly pressing it against his sister.
"Haha, stop that, I get it," she giggled, pushing her brother away. She kissed his forehead, then lied further back on the couch.
She sighed deeply. The ticking of the clock filled the room as Mike snuggled against her.
"You know, I wish you could talk. I bet you'd have a lot of interesting things to say."
Mike remained silent. He wanted to stay with his sister.
"I've been making up memories of our lives together."
Mike raised his head, interested.
"You want to know what I came up with?" Bonnie smiled.
Mike nodded.
"I was eighteen when you were born. Lizzie was six. We each took turns holding you, and we would argue about who would stay with you the longest. Mom quit her job to raise you. Lizzie got jealous of you getting all the attention, and…"
"There, the code module is back in place. I don't see what was so hard about that," 74.239 mentioned as he finally placed the module plugged into the Super Big Computermabob. "All right, let's go to the Deep Sea Science Lab," he continued.
As the group walked away from the machine, the three were interrupted by a girl with a strong Irish accent pointing and yelling at them.
"Boys! Get over here!" she yelled while waving her arms toward herself, gesturing them to come near her.
The three boys looked at each other. 275 seemed the most spooked.
"Who? Us?" 74.239 asked as he pointed at himself.
"YES, YEW!" she screamed. "GET YER STUPID BUTTS OVER HERE!"
"But we were just—"
"Do I look like I care?!" the Irish girl scoffed. "I'm the head of decommissionin'! Whatever I instruct of yew, yew follow! Capiche?"
The boys nodded their heads. They reluctantly came to follow the operative with the number 86 on her helmet.
"So uh, what seems to be the issue?" 71.562 asked.
"Issue! This is no issue! This is a problem! It's Numbuh 1!"
The three of them gasped. That was their study subject!
"Um, what's wrong with him?"
"He's gone completely feral! He was supposed to receive a special tablet from Rainbow Monkey Island for a code, but after an hour or so, his sector found him like this!"
Numbuh 86 gestured to the room they now entered. The boys gasped in awe to see that Numbuh 1 was dressed in jungle leaves, as well as having a a stem resembling a rainbow shape on his head. He was thrashing around in a cage he was contained in, acting like an animal.
The jaws of the scientists dropped as they realized their study subject had his intelligence has been reduced to that of an ape. They were motionless.
"Well, don't just stand there! DO SOMETHIN'!" she yelled, pushing all three of them into the room. She promptly left after that.
"We've got to fix Nigel!" 74.239 announced. The other two nodded their heads, immediately reaching for the computer in front of them.
"Numbuh 275, get a DNA sample from Nigel! Numbuh 71.562, search the computer for known cases of rainbow-monkey-fication!"
Numbuh 275 went up to the cage Nigel was in. Since he had no hair on his head, the only option was to pick his nose. He trembled awaiting a moment to do so, as Nigel seemed he was going to bite anybody who stuck their hand in the cage. His low growls and chants expressed his anger.
"Don't just stand there! Get his sample!"
275 winced. Behind the screen of the computer in the room, 71.562 could hear 275 quickly pick the nose of the angered Nigel.
"Drat, no luck on finding a cure. I don't think boys are adapted to the physiology of such kind nature of rainbow monkeys," 71.562 explained.
"What? Let me see that!"74.239 pushed his colleague out of the way to see the base of the computer. "We have to find a cure!"
275 placed the booger of the feral kid into a drive attached to the computer. It displayed the changed physiology of the operative Numbuh 1 on a printed sheet from the side.
"Oh no, this doesn't look good," 74.239 sighed.
71.562's eyebrows raised when he realized something. "Wait! I have an idea."
"Well, spit it out!"
"There's only one girl on Earth who knows him close enough to help us!"
74.239's eyes widened. "No. way! We can't just bring her here and—"
"Remember when we called her 'Element L'?"
"No! He's already in a mental state of overly caring and sharing! If we expose him to even more love, he'll remain in this state for life!"
"Well it's better than doing nothing! I'm going to bring her here and help us!"
"Not until I find a cure myself! H-hey! Where are you going?!"
71.562 was running out of the room near the direction of the hangar that held the ship that took them to the Moonbase.
"Ugh! He's going to make this worse!" 74.239 complained. He then faced Numbuh 275. "Grab the clipboard on the desk. I'm going to need you to write some notes down."
275 nodded. The feral Nigel in his cage started to rage about more while 74.239 was determined to get the study subject back to normal.
The school bell for Gallagher Elementary rang which dismissed the kids from class. Lizzie was chatting away with a few kids who followed her outside.
"Eighty-five percent of staged homes in real estate are bought three times faster than non-staged homes. The more appeal it has, the more—"
"Psst! Lizzie!"
The two kids following Lizzie ran away as soon as she was distracted.
"Huh?" Lizzie turned her head to a nearby bush.
"Lizzie! I need your help."
The girl came closer to the bush to look inside. She saw Numbuh 71.562 crouched inside, avoiding being seen.
"Carl?"
"Yes, it's me. We need your help."
"What are you doing in that bush? Get out of there! You're acting weird!" Lizzie reached for the operative's hand to pull it out of the bush, but he protested by pulling it down.
"No! There could be bullies exiting this school who could give me wedgies or wet willies or—"
Lizzie grabbed the thin scientist out of the bush with one arm in full force, slamming him onto the concrete sidewalk outside of the school. He rubbed the back of his head after the shock.
"What do you want?! The bus will be here any minute! Can't we talk about this when I get home?"
"But it's urgent! It's Nigel!"
Immediately, Lizzie gasped and dropped her backpack. She felt her heart sank. "Nigie? What happened to him? Is he OK?!"
"He's been apeified! He was stuck on Rainbow Monkey Island for about an hour and then turned into some feral beast!"
"Rainbow monkeys?!" Lizzie scoffed. "I hate those things! They creep me out!"
"Then you better come fast! If he's like this forever, then we can't…" 71.562 let his sentence dissipate as to not let others hear their galactic plans. He motioned his hands to gesture she knew what he was talking about.
"My poor Nigie's been infected by those rainbow freaks!" she sniffed. "Take me to him now!"
"I would, but, your bus is here…"
Lizzie turned around to see the line of kids enter the bus which had already arrived.
"Meet me in your backyard! We'll take my ship there!"
"T-to where?"
"The Moonbase!"
Lizzie's eyes widened, but she hurriedly nodded, rushing to the back of the line to get on the bus before it took off.
"What are you wearing?" 71.562 exclaimed. He had previously landed a mini ship in the DeVine's backyard, facing Lizzie as she entered outside.
"The outfit to mourn the loss of my Nigie if he doesn't return to his old self!"Lizzie blew her nose into a tissue.
All 71.562 could do was stare at the elegant purple funeral gown she had on, complete with a set of fake flowers, silk gloves, and a short veil over her face.
"Well, if you need to go all out to snap him back to himself, then I'll gladly allow it. Come on,"
71.562 gestured his hand to allow Lizzie to climb inside. After she strapped her seatbelt in, the rocket blast sent her and the boy into the starry sky.
Lizzie sighed. "Ah, I love seeing the stars again." she slowly sighed. She sunk into the cushioned seat as she felt the lack of gravity cradle her.
"As we approach the moon, I want you to take the upmost caution in restraining yourself and your Kids Next Door knowledge. You are the last resort to curing Numbuh 1. Numbuh 74.239 does not approve of bringing you here, but I'm willing to prove him wrong," he boasted the last sentence. "I'm in the fifth grade!"
"What does your grade have to do with anything? Don't both your planets lack a school system?" she questioned. "I wanna see my Nigie!" she yelled, impatient.
"Well you see, to measure all our intergalactic levels of intelligence for Earth's study, we had to level ourselves to that of Earth's schooling system," 71.562 explained with his finger up, turning away from the cockpit for a moment. "And I was placed in the pre-honors science category!" he bragged.
Lizzie rolled her eyes. The decimal boys' arguing annoyed her to a great level, so she decided to change the subject.
"Are you sure I'm allowed on the Moonbase?"
"If I brought you, then it's all my responsibility."
As the ship continued to soar through the sky, Lizzie saw the Moonbase the KND of humans have built up close. It was beautifully enveloped in glowing orange orbs of some unknown plant-like organism. It fascinated her enough to distract her from the fact that she was arriving there to see Nigel.
Landing in a section on the top of the Moonbase, the scientist had told his teammate to stay put until he could isolate her into a biologic containment center.
"You must be patient, but your time will come if I can convince Numbuh 74.239 that this'll work."
Lizzie obliged. A giant construction crane came into the room they had settled in to take her inside a hanging elevator door from the top.
Before the door closed, 71.562 grabbed a control for the machine to place into his lab coat pocket. "Remember! Patience!"
The door then shut to leave Lizzie inside.
"Patient? Pssh, I'm patient…"
Lizzie leaned back to sit down in the room. She tapped her index finger against her own crossed arms.
"OK, I've been waiting long enough."
Lizzie stood up to knock on the door, but she was immediately thrown back by the crane device moving. She fell over.
"Ow! What the?!"
In the science laboratory Nigel was placed in, 71.562 made his way back to where his other fellow galactic operatives were studying.
"Any luck on finding a cure?" he asked as he approached the two.
"No. Don't tell me you actually brought 'Element L' here," he started to whisper.
"It's my last ditch effort. But don't worry, she is contained in tight security. We should use the barricades if necessary."
Numbuh 86 had arrived to bring the rest of Sector V into the area Numbuh 1 was contained it.
74.239 nudged 275.
"Look, that's Sector V," he whispered to him.
The boys had focused their attention to listen in on what they were conversing about. Numbuh 2 was speaking the most.
"And then he jumped on me and started kissing me all over! Yuck!"
The boys curled their lips in disgust. They looked back to see Numbuh 1, the exact 'he' Numbuh 2 was talking about.
"71.562, use the computer."
"Why me?!"
"Because we haven't been finding anything in your absence."
"Pssh, all right," 71.562 scoffed. He could tell that 74.239's patience was wearing thin. If he allowed him to take over, then he was really desperate to get the study subject back.
"All right, geniuses! I want Nigel Uno cured now!" the decommissioning officer yelled as she marched over to approach them.
"We're doing the best we can! But a boy's physiology isn't built to withstand such prolonged exposure to sharing, caring, and rainbowrific love."
"Do I look like I care?" 86 reached for 74.239's lab coat to grab him. "I want that code NOW!"
After 74.239 was released from her grasp, he had to explain himself. "I'm sorry! But that's the best fourth grade biology can do!"
Looking over hesitantly, 71.562 spoke up. He adjusted his glasses. "Well, Numbuh 74.239, we could always use—"
74.239 turned around sharply to face his colleague. "NO! Don't even think about trying that!"
"Why not? The effects of Element L—"
"NO!" 74.239 interrupted again, pointing at 71.562. "That might keep him apeified for life!"
"It can work," 71.562 crossed his arms, bragging.
"Listen you mitoplasmic cerebellumoid, I'm the boss here!"
"Says who? I'm in the fifth grade!" 71.562 bragged again.
"WILL YA' BOTH JUST SHUT UP?!" Numbuh 86 screeched.
The three scientists ceased their arguing, alerted by the decommissioning officer.
"The fourth grader started it," 71.562 pointed at his younger colleague. "Right, Numbuh 275?" he boasted again, looking at his colleague. 275 nodded in agreement. 74.239 however clenched his fists in anger.
"Now, what are yew yammerin' on about?!" 86 badgered.
"Well, Numbuh 71.562 is suggesting that we use Element L," the ginger cautioned.
"It's dangerous, but we might be able to shock him back to his normal persnickety self," 71.562 persuaded.
"But, Element L is totally unstable!" 74.239 continued.
71.562 was mocking 74.239 by gesticulating his hand to imitate him talking.
"We don't know what the shock will do to him, so pfft!" 74.239 stuck his tongue out at 71.562.
"Sure, it's risky, but not doing anything is worse! So pfft!" 71.562 stuck his tongue back out at 74.239.
Numbuh 275 stood quiet, watching them bicker. Nigel continued to holler about in an attempt to free himself.
Sector V came closer to look at the state of their leader. Their faces could only hold a mild concern and a state of shock over who Numbuh 1 has become.
Numbuh 3 turned around sharply, locking eyes with the three boys.
"Do it."
"Yew heard the girl!" 86 added.
In a state of victory, 71.562 pumped his fist. "YES!" he laughed, pointing at the ginger boy. "In your face!"
"Fine! But we're not taking any chances here. I want everyone behind the barriers before Element L is introduced."
74.239 reached for the keyboard to type in the command to station up a circle of barriers made by various doors. 86 had already stood behind one, but Sector V had to catch up to each choose a door to be blocked by.
The scientists had put on their goggles. With just a few more commands from the computer, they had successfully initiated Element L.
A large crane had entered the laboratory room carrying an elevator door. Slowly approaching the cage Nigel was enclosed in, his team eagerly awaited with caution to let whatever this element was to come and cure their friend back to his normal self.
The doors to the device opened as smog exited the room. With the smell lingering against the cage, the feral boy felt his nerves calmed by the sweet aroma of the slight floral scent of the girl presented before him.
Lizzie had finally stepped out. She presented herself in a dark purple funeral gown to see what her boyfriend had become: an ugly, apeified monster with feral instinct.
"Lizzie, it's up to you!" 71.562 shouted from the lower deck. "Pour it on!"
"I… I… I just want… I want my Nigie back!" she burst into tears. She cried into a tissue, then looked back at the scientists before her. "How's that?"
"ATTA' GIRL!" 71.562 encouraged.
The feral boy started thrashing about in his cage. Lizzie was able to see the deformed changes in this boy, resembling an ape with a fine leaf toga and stem upon his head. He seemed so frustrated to be trapped in a cage, that he thrashed around constantly.
"Nigie? Oh my…" she took a step back while slightly trembling.
The feral Nigel clenched the front bars of his cage with his hands to pull tenaciously. The veins in his arms started to articulate themselves in his muscles as he pulled on the bars harder, staring Lizzie right in her eyes.
Numbuh 86 and Numbuh 3 peeked out from their barriers to gasp at Nigel's newfound strength.
"WE HAVE TO ABORT!" 74.239 screamed to Lizzie, who was slowly taking steps back in caution.
"ABORT!" he screamed louder. Numbuh 275 was trembling.
"IT'S TOO LATE!" 71.562 shouted.
Nigel successfully pulled the bars in front of him apart, snapping the metal attached to the top of the cage to bring it all down. He was now free.
Throwing the bars he clenched to the side, Nigel lunged at Lizzie with his arms spread out in all his might, wrapping himself around her as they fell onto the floor.
"NO! AAH!" Lizzie was expecting an attack from her boyfriend, as if he was going to hurt her in some capacity. "NO! STOP!"
Lizzie continued to protest, but all Nigel could do was kiss her face all over.
"NIGIE, GET OFF ME! STOP!"
But Lizzie's protesting started to fade away when she realized that Nigel was not hurting her. He was kissing her face all over, getting her cheeks wet from his dehydrated mouth and sloppy manners. The infatuation in Lizzie suddenly rose to its surface.
"On second thought, I think I prefer this Nigie."
Lizzie wrapped her arms around her smitten boyfriend to start kissing him back. The leafy toga that brushed against the exposed areas of Lizzie's skin felt familiar to her from who she really was, feeling a closer connection. The amount of mouth kissing she received from Nigel was nothing like she experienced before in a human gesture of love. It felt natural for her human disguise, and better yet, her love for Nigel.
"We've failed," 86 sighed, seeing the scene before her.
"You see now the hubris of honors pre-science? Numbuh 1 is apeified for life!" 74.239 argued. His body felt hot from anger of the state of the study subject.
"It's not my fault!" 71.562 protested.
"It's totally your fault!" 74.239 blamed.
Nigel stopped kissing his girlfriend to start nuzzling his face against her, pressing himself against her body like a friendly cat. She nuzzled him back, taking in the affection like she has never been loved before. It was all so much that her face slowly became more red with love as she took it all in.
From the view of Numbuh 3, she was teary eyed, ready to cry. "Now Numbuh 1 will be like that forever, and we'll never know the code!" she started to cry.
"I don't get it. What's so important about this dumb code?" Numbuh 2 asked.
"What's so important?!" Numbuh 86 repeated back. She joined her hands together to smile to explain why Nigel had to receive the special tablet for a mission. "The Rainbow Monkey corporation is having a contest, and whoever breaks the super happy code of sharin' wins a free… keychain!" she beamed.
On Lizzie's end, the boy who was ogling over her felt a shock of anger throughout his body. Upon hearing the word "keychain," he morphed back into his regular self to scream to the top of his lungs.
"A KEYCHAIN?!"
The entire group of operatives turned their attention to Nigel, facing him and Lizzie. They could now see that he was back to his normal self.
"You mean to tell me that I risked my life, endangered my team, and spent valuable Kids Next Door resources so you could win A STUPID KEYCHAIN?!" He jumped off of Lizzie, coming closer to his team who backed away from him approaching, jumping down the ledge. "Being a Kids Next Door operative is serious business! I-It's not a… stupid keychain hunt. I mean-"
Sector V ran up to Nigel to squeeze him in a tight hug, rejoicing that he was back to his normal self.
"Yeah, yeah. Good to be back and all but… come on, stop hugging me already. Seriously." Nigel's team let go of him. "You're messing up my leaves," he emphasized as he brushed the leaves on his toga to aim downward.
Lizzie, seeing that Nigel had been fully cured of his feral state, sighed to herself. "Oh well. It was nice while it lasted."
The sigh of relief from the scientists accumulated in their small circle. Luckily, their test subject was back to normal.
"Did any of you bring my clothes?" Nigel asked.
"Are you OK, Numbuh 1?" Numbuh 3 asked.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't make me do another mission over a keychain or you're in big trouble, Numbuh 3."
Numbuh 3 nervously laughed. "Yes, sir!"
Numbuh 5 handed Nigel his clothes. He thanked her, looking through them to make sure they were relatively clean and folded neat. He noticed his sunglasses were missing.
"Hey, what happened to my sunglasses?"
"Nigie!"
Numbuh 1 turned around to see his girlfriend twirling his sunglasses by one of its handles. She had taken her veil off which was held by her other hand.
"If you give me another kiss like before I'll give them back.~" she cooed.
Nigel marched up to her. "Stop!" he whispered. "Not in front of everyone!"
The scientists giggled to each other, but Nigel was oblivious to the reason of their laughter: mocking Lizzie.
Nigel jumped up to reach for his sunglasses after a few attempts to take them from Lizzie. She pouted playfully when he started walking away with the rest of his team. "Come on, Lizzie. Let's return to Earth. I've got a bone to pick with the Delightful Children from Down the Lane…"
Lizzie reluctantly followed, trailing behind the team without speaking a word.
"Well? What are ya' boys waiting for? Clean this place up!" Numbuh 86 yelled, waving her hands in a shooing motion.
The scientists saluted the decommissioning officer. They started to clean up the mess that was made, picking up the cage bars, removing the forklift device from the room, and turning the computer system off.
The three scientist boys had to fly back to the Dark-Side-Of-The-Moonbase to report to Numbuh Infinity about a mission they were sucked into. Landing the spaceship in the hangar, 74.239 and 71.562 started to argue about who was in the right or wrong. Numbuh 275 jammed both his index fingers into his ears the entire ride back.
"Listen, I'm going to report to Numbuh Infinity about the mission!" 74.239 declared.
"Nuh-uh! Not if I get there first!" 71.562 countered.
The two boys stared at each other aggressively for a few seconds, then darted to the direction of Numbuh Infinity's office. 275 sighed a deep sigh, taking his fingers out of his ears. "Finally," he whispered to himself.
As the boys darted down the hall, they started to fight and push each other to make it to the door first. As 71.562 touched the door first, he pushed 74.239 down, pointing and laughing at him. "Haha! I made it first!"
71.562 opened the door to see Infinity organizing some papers. He reacted as if he was expecting them, but still had his eyebrows raised from the situation.
"Numbuh Infinity!" 74.239 tried to squeeze through the door, but 71.562 pushed him back.
"Boys! If you're going to bicker like this, then I am only allowing one of you in my office!" Infinity yelled, standing up from his desk.
"I got here first!"
"Well I have the report!"
"Settle down! Yeesh!" Numbuh Infinity yelled louder. They ceased their arguing to stare at their fellow operative. "Numbuh 74.239, stay here, Numbuh 71.562, wait outside."
"But—!"
"No buts, Numbuh 71.562! That is an order, so wait outside, please!"
71.562 groaned. 74.239 stuck his tongue out at him before he left, slamming the door behind him.
"Now, Numbuh 74.239, please tell me why you're here. You have a report, I heard?"
74.239 came closer to the operative while taking out a folder from the inside of his laboratory coat. "Yes I do. Right after returning the code module to its rightful place, we were instructed by the head of decommissioning to bring Nigel Uno back to his normal self after becoming apeified from being exposed to Rainbow Monkey Island for too long." The ginger placed the file report on Infinity's desk. He looked through what the scientist had to present to him. He studied the images carefully as the ginger continued his explanation.
"We took several steps to bring him back to his normal self, but he was only broken out of the apeification when he realized his previous mission was for unnecessary purposes."
"I see…" Infinity whispered. He carefully read the files for a few moments. 74.239 awaited his response.
"All right. I was waiting to choose a head of the Galactic Kids Next Door's Earthly Science Department, but it seems like I can assign one of you that role already."
74.239 let a large grin appear across his face, but he was interrupted.
"Numbuh 71.562."
"What?! No! That's not fair! Element L didn't work on turning Nigel back!"
"It may not have, but he took initiative before you did. That is why I'm giving him the role."
74.239 stomped his foot down and growled. "It's because he's a stupid fifth grader, isn't he?!"
Infinity raised an eyebrow.
The ginger turned around to vent to himself. "Ugh! This can't be happening. He'll boast about it to my face and tease me every chance he gets, and I won't hear the end of it! He's going to—" 74.239 stopped in his tracks. A small smile creeped across his face. "Oh, all right. I guess Numbuh 71.562 will be head of GKND's Earthly Science Department," he nodded as he turned around to face Infinity again. "If he's so smart and all, maybe he'd like to know about… oh I don't know…"
74.239 placed his hands on the table to creep closer to Infinity's face.
"That taste in your mouth?"
Infinity felt a sharp inhale enter his mouth. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, really? Is it true that venatorra eat their mothers when they're born?" he mocked in a devilish smile.
Infinity slammed his hands against the table and sneered at the scientist, his forehead nearly touching the operative's. "How do you know this?!" he whispered urgently.
"Is that what you taste all the time?" 74.239 continued, dodging the question.
"You have no right to speak of such information!" Infinity hissed back. His face was becoming red.
"Oh~! I'd love to study the life cycle of your species! So dark, so interesting, so—"
"OK, that's enough!" Infinity muffled in his hands covering his face. He felt so flustered that he could not bear to look at the scientist in front of him. He had to turn his face away to speak. "Fine. You're the head of the science department. Just take this communicator when you go down," he pointed at a small device on his desk.
74.239 chuckled to himself in glee. "Thank you, sir. You won't regret this decision."
The boy swiped the small device from the desk to pin it on the inside of his lab coat pocket. "I'm leader, he's not~! I'm leader, he's not~!" he sang.
"It's not a leader position! It's the Head of—"
"What's that, mother eater?"
Infinity gritted his teeth and exhaled through his mouth. He pointed to the door of his office room to yell "OUT!"
Numbuh 74.239 was spooked to jolt up and salute him, taking his leave. The bickering of the boys continued to be muffled from the outside.
Infinity sighed and pinched the top of his nose. His embarrassment was immense. He knew he was going to have to confirm his position when they returned to the Deep Sea Science Lab, as doubts would be exclaimed by 71.562.
Numbuh Infinity focused his attention to a set of files on his right. He opened the first folder and groaned to himself. It had a red mark on it.
"I need to do something about Bonnie."
The next day at school, Lizzie followed her usual routine of the day. Now that Jimmy and Anna were in permanent detention, she did not have any distractions aside from Herbert, who occasionally failed at his flirting attempts when she reminded him about her cute boyfriend, Nigel.
Since recess came before lunch, she was the only girl to walk toward the principal's office to do extra credit work. Not only was history her weakest subject she had to study during that time, she also was given a few extra credit points for organizing and shredding paperwork.
The school's principal, Principal Sauerbraten, entered the office Lizzie was in by slamming the door open. He was most striking for the eyepatch he wore and his formal green uniform, along with that deep black riding crop.
"Don't mind me, Miss DeVine. I'll be in my office. Don't let anybody in here."
Lizzie nodded in return without a word.
Principal Sauerbraten entered a door to Lizzie's left by the desk she was working on. He slammed it shut. She could hear a muffle saying "Now where did I put those files…"
Lizzie chose to brush aside the principal to continue with her work. During this time, she would hum to herself slightly, picking up on tunes made my humans. When she thought about it more, music was an idea only humans had evolved into such a—
"Lizzie!"
The whisper caught her attention away from her homework, turning toward the entrance door to her right.
"Nigie? What are you doing here?"
Peeking from the door, Nigel was attempting to make himself obscure from the view of the principal's door.
"The elections for the next class president are coming up, and I want to make sure the voting methods won't be rigged next week!"
"The principal said not to go in there!" Lizzie protested, placing her pencil down.
"Yeah, well…" Nigel came inside the room to put his hands on the desk. "Think about it, Lizzie. I don't want another situation with Jimmy happening to you again. You know how easy it would be for a principal to manipulate the voting system to fit their agenda!"
Lizzie hesitated. She leaned back in her seat.
"Come on, Lizzie. Not only for the other kids, but for you, too."
After a few seconds had passed, she nodded. "Just be careful," she gestured toward the door.
Nigel gave her a thumbs up. He tiptoed to the door of the principal's office, opening the door cautiously. He then entered inside.
Lizzie felt her heartbeat rush from doing something wrong. Principal Sauerbraten was an intimidating man, so she let her mind wonder about if his eye patch was over an injury. Was he a veteran? Why did he carry a riding crop around school? Though, thankfully, Nigel was a top operative. He would never slip up a chance to—
"MISS DEVINE!"
"Eep!" Lizzie yelped quietly. In her panic, she shuffled the paper in front of her to seem like she was working, but it was no use. The door slammed open to the principal reaching for Lizzie's left ear to pull her out of her seat.
"Ow ow ow!"
"Hey! Let go of her!" Nigel protested.
Principal Sauerbraten turned sharply to gently whip Nigel's arm with his riding crop. "You stay here, boy! I'll deal with you later."
Principal Sauerbraten locked his office door, then continued to drag Lizzie by the ear out of his office, using his riding crop on her legs to pressure her into walking despite her attempt to pull away.
"I gave you one instruction! ONE! And you did not follow it! You have no excuses!"
"I'm sor- OW!"
Lizzie was dragged into a detention room hall. As she was finally released from the grasp on her ear, the principal slammed the door to the room, leaving her in there as he marched off.
Lizzie rubbed her ear. She slightly whimpered to herself from how hard it was tugged. She decided to take a seat in the very back of the room, sitting down in the chair slowly. Though in the corner of her eye, she saw a boy with an orange hoodie sitting next to her, looking disapprovingly at Lizzie being in the detention room.
"It's about time they put you in here. You can't hold that Goodie Two-Shoes act in front of the teachers forever!"
"What did you say?!" Lizzie hissed as she came closer to Numbuh 4, raising her voice.
"Um… what brings you here?"
Lizzie rolled her eyes. She leaned back in her chair. The buzzing of the fluorescent lights and the ticking of the clock filled the room.
"He yanked your ear pretty hard, didn't he?"
Lizzie continued to rub her ear. She nodded.
"Don't worry. After a while you start to build an immunity. I don't even feel it anymore."
Lizzie did not respond. A few seconds passed.
"Wanna help me dig out of here?" the Australian asked.
"Huh?"
"Every hour of detention I get sent to gives me a chance to dig a tunnel further out of the school!" Numbuh 4 explained as he lifted a tile from the floor against the wall, revealing a deep tunnel through it.
"Uhh…" Lizzie hesitated.
"A boy will do anything to keep his mind occupied in detention. I'll crawl to freedom through eleventy hundred yards of muck and grime to make it over to the other side with the pouring rain drenching my clothes with the sweet taste of freedom!"
Numbuh 4 lifted his arms up, smiling about the idea of escaping Gallagher Elementary.
Lizzie rolled her eyes. "You'll just get in more trouble if you're absent!"
"Yeah, but I'll be out of school and not sitting in boring detention doing nothing!" Numbuh 4 kicked his foot at the idea of sitting another minute bored out of his mind. He then proceeded to jump into the hole. "I could use an extra hand!"
Lizzie turned away from the hole and crossed her arms. "No way! Do you think I'd just go into a dirty hole and get my clothes all ruined, and walk around in the street where everyone is wondering, 'What's a girl doing outside of school at this hour?' Well, I guess I'll just hop right in then! There's no bus to take me home, and I don't have my backpack!"
"MISS DEVINE!" Rang through Lizzie's ears again. She felt herself shrink when she realized the principal was right behind her, leaving the sight of Lizzie and escape route in front of him.
"Wait! I-It wasn't me! I didn't—"
Lizzie's ear was grabbed again. "Trying to escape the detention hall through a tunnel? You're really in it now, Miss DeVine!" Principal Sauerbraten emphasized, using his riding crop to push her out of the room toward where he wanted to pull her.