"Nowhere To Go" (Rolando Theme)

"At the One Star Wonder, meet your host

Come on in, but beware the ghost

Don't get mellow, for this fellow

You'll learn to fear the most

He is not who he seems

He reads your thoughts and knows your dreams

He'll pull you apart at the seams

And no one will hear your screams

Oh, here you'll find

A malevolent mastermind

Who'll send shivers down your spine

Let out your cries

As you realize

This is the end of the line

He is Rolando! (Rolando!)

He sees what's in your heart (your heart)

Oh no! (no, no!)

You've nowhere to go

Surrender as he tears you apart

You may hear things go bump in the night

Or see shadows stalk to give you a fright

He's in your mind

Don't try to fight

For you'll never see the light

He delights in your tears

Feeds on your fears

Your traumas and dramas are his show

Feasts on your sorrow

Like no tomorrow

Oooh, he'll never let you goooo

Oh, here you'll find

A malevolent mastermind

Who'll send shivers down your spine

Let out your cries

As you realize

This is the end of the line

He is Rolando! (Rolando!)

He sees what's in your heart (your heart)

Oh no! (no, no!)

You've nowhere to go

Surrender as he tears you apart

You're out of your depth (little one)

You're out of your depth (little one)

You're out of your depth (little one)

Nowhere to run (run, run, run)

He has his fun and now you're done

A demonic mystery

An elusive history

Born a Leviathan monstrosity

Face your Demon in the mirror

Or let your sanity disappear

He is Rolando! (Rolando!)

He sees what's in your heart (your heart)

Oh no! (no, no!)

You've nowhere to go

Surrender as he tears you apart

His wide grin fills you with dread

Once he's in your head…

You'll want to be dead."

0 0 0

I don't really know what happened…or why…

One moment, I was watching a Halloween themed Helluva Boss episode. I walked along outside the next day…and then felt myself falling through some kind of portal…

I soon hit the ground, thankful the fall wasn't too high. I stood up and brushed myself off. Looking up in shock, I saw the portal shrink and disappear into the sky.

A wave of panic then hit me. Was I in a dream? Did I accidentally fall into a parallel universe? Or perhaps a TV show?

I scanned the area…nothing but gravestones, dead trees and a black wrought iron fence, no civilization for miles…

…except for the old hotel in front of me.

But not just any old hotel.

On top of the building full of hanging cobwebs, read in orange near the roof, "ONE STAR WONDER."

I gasped. This was the exact same hotel that appeared in the Helluva Boss Ghostf*ers episode!

I was excited, confused, and panicked all at the same time. Was I in some sort of simulation? Was it some VR show set displayed to look like the real thing?

I looked down at my body…same skin, same identity, same clothing just like from the real world. There was no sign of I.M.P. or the main characters.

Lightning flashed and I instinctively rushed to the building for cover. In any other situation, I would've traveled to a less shady place or looked for the police or perhaps searched for a spell book that could get me back home.

But I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no other choice.

I leaned against the building wall and closed my eyes. Tears began to fall, and I suddenly missed the real world.

'I know I love Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel,' I thought, 'but not so much as to become a part of it!'

I would've expected to actually appear at the Hazbin Hotel as some Sinner demon, helping Charlie redeem her clients and singing musicals. Or perhaps watching I.M.P. go off on their adventures.

'This is all just my imagination,' I thought. 'Maybe if I fall asleep, I'll wake up back in bed.'

But if this was a dream, it was much too long. I started to worry. Would I ever see my family or friends again?

I glanced up at the sky as it rained. No portal. I prayed, I meditated, I moved back and forth, seeing if anything would happen in the same spot I was at when I fell. Nothing.

I walked back to the hotel and leaned against the building wall. Too scared to go in by myself, I figured I would rest here and hopefully this strange dream would end.

"Hello, Miss. Is everything alright?"

I must have dozed off because after I shook myself awake, I couldn't tell who it was.

"I sensed a strange commotion from outside and I find you sitting here all by yourself. Why is that?"

It was a male voice, strangely comforting.

I stood up. "Oh, sorry, sir. I got lost and was about to find my way back. I think my friend group went that way," I pointed off to the side.

"I certainly don't see anybody," he mentioned. "Why don't you come on in out of the rain and I'll get you checked in?"

Like that was going to happen.

"I have no money, sir, plus I'm not from here," I said.

He waved his hand. "That's no problem. You can stay as long as you need until your folks come back."

"Thank you…"

I reluctantly allowed him to lead me through the red double doors. The lobby looked just like in the episode: the red carpet floor decorated with eyes, cobwebs hanging in every corner, worn torn red wallpaper all around, black hanging lights with round white extended bulbs, worn orange couches near a round white table with a couple dead plants on it. There was a front desk in the background with an old boxy computer, another plant, and a green lamp.

'Why was I transported to a Helluva Boss episode?' I wondered. 'And who in the world is…'

I turned around and froze…my jaw dropped.

Before me stood a slender tall man with white skin, large golden square sunglasses and a mostly bald head with a wave of blond hair pointing off to the side. He wore a red vest, a gray long sleeve shirt, dark pants and black pointed shoes. He had two thin black hairs near his nose and a thick black unibrow.

No, it couldn't be…

He glanced at me and grinned. "Come along, now. I'll get your keys here at the desk."

He soon sat down and smiled at me as I crept forward. A door behind him read "Staff Only" with a skull on it. A small black toothpick was in his mouth.

"Welcome to the One Star Wonder, where it's a wonder we still have that star!" He cocked his head. "How may I help you, today?"

I decided to play it cool. "Hello there…John Waters! It's a great honor to meet you! You sure got an incredible haunted set here."

He stared at me confused. "Who's that now?"

I brushed it off and winked. "You know, John Waters…voice actor? The one who plays Rolando, the incredible antagonist to I.M.P.? You're my favorite villain, by the way."

"You know my name. How?"

"I'm a fan of you."

"Really?"

"Of course! One of many, of course."

He rolled his eyes. "You from Hollywood?"

"No."

"Yes, my name is Rolando, dear. And I'm not part of any show."

"Staying in character, okay," I said. "One: can I get your autograph? Two, can you help me find a way back home?"

"The first one I can easily do," he said. He scribbled his name onto a white card and handed it to me. I glanced at it, then looked back up.

"The second option…might not be so easy…"

Ignoring my shuddering, I figured I was just in a very complex convention and stuck in a haunted hotel set where I would meet all the VAs after completing a maze. That had to be it. I couldn't be stuck in another world, right?

I pulled out my cell phone and the screen stayed dark, even after I pushed every button.

"Darn. No service."

Of course…a phone from another world wouldn't work.

Rolando held out his hand. "Perhaps I could see?"

I gave it to him, and he ran his fingers along the sides and tapped at the screen a few times. After a moment, he gave it back to me.

"There you go, good as new."

"Thanks."

I opened it and stared at a cool but freaky phone screen of a black watery void. The only things that were on screen was a black ENVE app with half faces in a white heart and a call and text icon at the bottom.

I checked the contacts, and I gasped. All my original contacts were gone, save for one: "New contact: Rolando."

"W-what, how did…?"

"Let's say I have a way with social media," he said with a wink.

I looked around. This roleplaying was getting a little too accurate. "Okay then…I'll just explore a little bit and meet the cast and crew on the other side."

Rolando snickered. "Other side of what?"

"Other side of this set. For the Ghostf*ers episode."

He still looked confused. "You believe in ghosts?"

"I do now, after many years of being skeptical," I said. "Ghosts, angels, demons, you name it."

"Well, I'm glad that you're here." He pulled open a drawer next to him. "We've been having more…"

He smirked with an evil glint in his eyes, "…disturbances than usual, lately."

"What kind of disturbances?" I ask.

"The kind that are killing my guests!" he declared.

He pulled out three crime scene photos of a woman being tossed in a room, a man with black hair cut in half with exposed organs and a beheaded brown-haired lady.

I flinched. "Yikes. It was…a ghost, right?"

"This place is haunted, so most likely. Just to clarify, you do believe in ghosts, yes?"

I nodded.

He peered closer. "Are you sacred?"

I gulped. "A little bit, yes. But I'm not too afraid. I know I.M.P. will come to save the day. And I know about the afterlife."

"You do?" Rolando narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah. Souls get stuck on Earth or are guided by their spirit guides and soul groups to the divine loving universe and God Source where they review their lives before they reincarnate back on Earth to learn the lessons they chose before birth…"

"Wait, wait, wait," Rolando held up a hand. "You actually believe that human souls and ghosts can just reappear on Earth after their death?"

"Well…yes!" I smiled.

Rolando froze. Then without warning, he banged his fist on his desk and burst into laughter.

"Hahahahaha! Oh, holy shit! What kind of weird stuff are you on?!"

He wiped his eyes and straightened up, "Wow, I know many humans have some crazy ideas, but you're just too much!"

An awkward pause.

"So…uh, what do you believe in, sir? Heaven and Hell?" I asked.

"Maybe," he eluded. "But I think for now, it's best for you to get some rest. It wouldn't be a good idea to spread any crazy ideas to the residents here…"

He then added in a low threatening voice, "…and I wouldn't want you getting hurt in the process…"

I soon felt shivers down my spine. The way he was grinning at me, eyeing my form intently…it seemed too unnerving for any regular cosplay.

"Y-you…you're not John Waters, are you?"

"No," he replied. "And you…you really are all by yourself, aren't you?"

Either he was a really creepy cosplayer…

"Nice meeting you sir, gotta go…"

I started to head toward the door…

…and he blocked my way in the blink of an eye…

…or I was standing face to face with the real Rolando.

He sniffed the air around me. "I sensed something different about you, too. You definitely aren't from this world…"

I was about to make something up…

"Don't try to lie. I am already starting to sense your thoughts."

I was suddenly in a living Hell…and it wasn't even the Helluva Hell.

He held out a pair of gray keys on a chain. "This place may be a dump, but I'll give you the best room in the place. Room 42 is off to your left."

I took the keys with shaking hands and walked toward the hallway. The lights flickered overhead.

I turned around and Rolando smiled at me. "Enjoy your stay, my dear! Just give me a call if you need anything!"

I waved weakly.

I walked down the dim hallway until I arrived at my room. I turned the key, and it opened.

Nothing exciting about the room: just an old bed with a purple flower sheet, a bathroom, an old TV…

…and a giant portrait of a grinning Rolando holding a rose in his hand. His eyes followed me as I double-locked the door, placed a desk against it, and settled into bed in the dim room, leaving one light on.

After dozing off, what I saw next almost made my heart stop…Rolando hovered near my bed with glowing yellow eyes and a grinning mouth of yellow sharp teeth.

There was no way a regular human could've entered my room!

"It's no hallucination or movie set…what you see is real, my dear," he mused.

I took a deep breath. 'Just incredibly advanced special effects…'

"No special effects either," he read my thoughts again.

I was frozen in fear and disbelief. He licked his lips.

"Can you let me go home now?" I asked.

Rolando smirked. "Even if you were born in this human world, do you really think I'd let you go? No imps are coming to save you, no family, no friends, nobody."

I shivered. "So…you do kill and possess demons and humans! I just never thought that…"

"You would meet your favorite character in person?" he finished.

"Y-you're not…" I began, but he cut me off.

"You know my secret now," he continued, "So you have two choices. If you try to run or tell anyone about Hell…I'll have to end you like I did to those other humans…"

I tried to repress my fears, but I couldn't help it.

He continued, "…or you can do what I say, and I'll give you an easier death later on!"

"There is no easy death!" I cried. "Everyone dies painfully and alone!"

Rolando cocked his head, and his features shifted to his true demonic form with gray scaly skin, glowing yellow eyes, fin ears, transparent white hair, and sharp teeth. He wore a dark suit and red pointed sunglasses with sharp yellow trim. "I assure you, you won't die alone…I'll be helping you through the process! No worries about your so-called reincarnation and life reviews. Just a straight trip to Hell…although since you're from another world, perhaps your demise will lead you back home."

He continued. "You're a tasty looking human with delicious thoughts…I'm not gonna ignore this great opportunity…"

"To kill me and blackmail me and possess me?" I spat.

"Pretty much," he shrugged. "Of course, if you'd like…"

He leaned closer, his yellow tongue briefly stroking my neck, "…I can make this more fun for both of us…"

"No!" I turned red in the face.

"I sensed fear and arousal just then. You can't hide your thoughts from me."

"Y-you're wrong!"

"I bet you'll be into it…" he added with a sly smile.

I muttered, "This isn't real…this isn't real…"

Until I found myself hanging upside down by an invisible force. Rolando grinned at me as I yelped.

"Do you believe now?"

I nodded, shaking. Surely this was the end.

"What's your choice?" he asked, peering into my soul.

"E-easy death," I stuttered.

"Excellent!" Rolando beamed. I felt myself being turned right-side up and being lowered onto the bed.

He pulled the covers over me, tucking me in.

"I do hope you enjoy your time here…I look forward to getting to know you more tomorrow. Sleep well, dear."

He chuckled darkly as he slithered out of the room and closed the door, leaving the room pitch dark.

Sleeping well? That wasn't going to happen.

0 0 0

ENVE:

Radical-Rolando posted a new video:

The video showed me waving to Rolando and heading to my room.

"A pleasant surprise today at the One Star Wonder…this little human came to check in after she got lost. I read her thoughts and she's not from this Earth. She calls herself HelluvaScribe or something like that, thought that I was some actor. She also believes ghosts are real, lol. Can't wait to mess with this one."

Envious-Karen: Heading to the store to shop for my son. I'm thankful I don't have to hunt for my food like those infestor demons all the time.

Glamorous Glim: How boring it must be to spend time at the dump of a place. Where's the entertainment?

Glimmering Glam: Killing is fine and all, but what's the point if you have no audience?

Seviathan-The-Man: Glim and Glam, loved your performance in Greed last time…too bad you lost to a jester, lol

Glamorous Glim: What a pompous loser. I think he still misses his princess ex.

Glimmering Glam: Lord Mammon will make us rich soon enough! You're just envious of us, Seviathan!

Helsa-Alpha-Bitch: Not rich like me, lol. Go back to lap-dancing for Mammon.

Glamourous Glim: Good luck actually getting an episode appearance, Helsa.

Envious-Karen: If Ronaldo wants to play with his food, have at it. I have better things to do than think about firetoads, humans and riffraff.

Radical-Rolando: At least spell my name right, it's Rolando.

Envious-Karen: Whatever.