Killian patted the warm addition to the growing pile on his arm. The fearsome pirate of eons ago gave a depreciating smirk at how his life had settled. "She hasn't even seen the worst things I did." He tried to continue the conversation his wife had kept trying, unsuccessfully, to shut down.
Emma continued folding the towels while Killian waited patiently. "Don't start." She gave in a teasing warning. In the few weeks since Hope's birthday, when she'd received the go ahead to read the story book detailing her parents' love story on her own, she had been devouring it. And every day, Killian had been a bundle of nerves and tension, waiting for the apple of his eye to disown him. Now they waited with bated breath as she rapidly approached the darkest things either of them had ever done. Their time as the dark ones.
"Emma-"
"No, you were tempted by the darkness. SomethingIforced on you. You wouldn't have chosen the darkness, you knew the temptation would be too much for you to resist. You wanted to die-" Her voice broke, "instead of giving in to the temptation. We'll explain it to her."
His head tilted, he heard something in the way her voice broke. They'd buried the hatchet in the underworld. Each of their sins forgiven. A total understanding for each other's actions. Or so he'd thought. "You thought I wanted to die?" He said slowly as he set the towels aside on the bed.
She paused, surprised that was what he had shifted his focus to. "What?"
"In Camelot, in that field. When you were holding my hand," he took easy, careful steps towards her, "and begged me not to leave you. When you were asking me to think about our future, and I told you I was just happy you would have one, free of the darkness. You think I wanted to die at that moment?" He was overtaken by something that felt like a punch to his sternum. It was such a subtle distinction. Of course he didn't want to be made into a dark one. That meant he needed to die. But here she was, apparently thinking he had come to that conclusion some other way. Had spent years thinking he was ready to give up their future. He clenched his jaw and gently cupped her face with his hand, his hook coming to rest against the small her back. "I knew what I was capable of, Emma. I knew what I had done, and as much as you kept me on the path of goodness, it was a near constant temptation." He gave a depreciating smirk and looked away, knowing what he was going to say would be hard for her to hear. "You had forgiven me, your family had welcomed me, but my own path to self forgiveness for the centuries of fear and pain I'd inflicted was still raw. I still didn't think I deserved you. I still felt like if something came to offer me a strong enough incentive I would have taken it. I was right."
"No," her eyes were swimming but the tears had yet to fall. She'd clutched the towel she'd been in the middle of folding tighter, as though forgetting it was even in her hands. "You weren't. I took your self control away from you. I knew your history in bondage, the exploitation you went through when you were a boy. How much you couldn't feel like you were in bondage again. Iknewthat, and I took that freedom away from you. I told you we would fight the darkness together, and took away your agency."
"And that was enough for the darkness to grab hold, and I let it. Emma, I had just told youwhyI was afraid of becoming the dark one. That I would be too tempted. Why wouldn't you respond to that and have a backup plan?"
"Because I trusted you. I always trusted you. I was just so scared. I don't know. What if youdidgive in right away? Then you… didn't, you were mad but you agreed to fight it together, and I didn't know how to tell you."
"You gave into the darkness, and for you it was giving in to your fear. Your fear of being alone, of my reaction to finding out you hid Excalibur. We both gave in."
They sat with that revelation for a moment. "I was terrified of having a future without you. You'd promised." She was whispering and he leaned forward both to hear her better, but also to press his forehead against hers. An intimacy to show he would never leave her, that he understood. "You said the future was nothing to fear, that you were a survivor, that you'd be by my side. And then…" She let out a shaky breath in the space between them
He breathed in her fears, suddenly washing back after all the years of them proving to each other over and over that they were true love. "And then I wasn't. And I seemed to be all too eager to leave you." He whispered back, recognizing this was something that always festered beneath the surface.
They'd never been good about consistency when arranging meetings with Archie. This conversation was proving to him that maybe they should get better at that.
With his fingers tangled in her golden locks, his wrist pressed against her hip, pulling her closer. Her arms reached around his neck and he heard the softwhoompof the towel dropping to the floor as her own fingers filtered through his hair, nails lightly scraping his scalp in the most pleasant way. He shifted his chin to lay a gentle kiss on the apple of her cheek before brushing his lips against her ear. "You know that I would never have left you. I was just so sure of what you were capable of, and so convinced that you didn't needme, it never even passed my mind that I would be what turned you to darkness." She shifted her head so their breath mingled again and he continued, "Like I said then, you turned to darkness for love,truelove. I turned because I was mad you kept me in the dark. But I need you to know Emma. Even after that." He pulled back a moment and observed her. She gave a soft moan at the separation, her eyes shut as though lulled to sleep, before opening them and allowing them bounce back and forth between his own. "When I cast the curse, and they told me I needed to crush the heart of what I loved most. Not for a second did I consider you. I would never have. I knew it then, even with the darkness whispering in my ear, turning my heart even blacker. I refused. When I learned what I'd become, and planned to kill Rumpelstilzchen. You know why I was going to kill him?"
Her brow furrowed, "of course I-"
"For you." He interrupted. "For turning you dark. I'd- well not forgiven him, but had turned away from vengeance for Milah. I'd planned to rip out his heart, sure. But kill him?" He shook his head, "I had a new cause for vengeance. Turning my good and heroic Swan into a dark one," he said with a light lilting tone, as though they were teasing. She recognized his old defense mechanisms coming back to lighten the mood and ran her fingers through his hair comfortingly. "You probably still could have helped me fight against it given time. I know I said some… horrific things to you, planned to hurt people you love, peopleIlove. I planned to hurtHenryfor god's sake. But I have no doubt underneath all that was the truth that you could have helped me. And the darkness convinced me I had to push you away so that I could stay in that dark bubble all alone. It knew you were my weakness," he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, "in the best way possible."
"You know, you spent weeks not even knowing you were a dark one. And was completely fine. Kind of helped prove my point about being able to fight it."
He laughed, finally pulling away slightly to toss his head back. "I wouldn't go that far," he said after a moment. "There were certainly moments looking back I thought was just frustration, was actually the darkness rising up. But I don't think anyone noticed cause, well" he gestured to himself, "pirate."
She laughed as well and stepped around him to bend over to pick up the forgotten towel. Then felt his warm hand brush the exposed skin between her top and her jeans. "Although, one thing that has plagued me." He trailed off, his fingers getting bolder and skimming under the waistband. She started to straighten her spine, and he didn't adjust his hand. Allowing it to skim up her back, her top gathering as she did so in his finger before stopping at her upper back. She hissed when she felt the cool of his hook brush down her now exposed spine. "Those hours between my reawakening and learning you hid Excalibur. We didn't get to do much…exploringof our darkness."
She looked over her shoulder at him, "I don't know if you remember, but there was a persistent interloper."
"Not if the blood was pumping fast enough," he husked, his tone full of innuendo and force. "And you in that leather, well that certainly gotmyblood pumping. I wonder what we could have accomplished with youcommandingme."
She leaned carefully back into his palm and hook and he groaned as he peeked down the front of her loose, billowy top now falling lower due to the shift from his hand.
"Ugh, are you guys serious?" Came the very exasperated, and very over it, preteen voice of their daughter from the stairs behind them.
Quickly dropping his hands, and adjusting her shirt, they turned to face her. Their faces both bright red and Killian's body shifted away to hide what his tight leather pants showed too easily.
Hope rolled her eyes, her look of disgust never dropping as she walked past them to her room. "You have a room, use it." She called, and Emma was fairly certain at ten Hope only had a vague notion of what that entailed, and was suddenly too aware she'd need to have a certain conversation with her daughter in addition to the whole 'your father did evil things and was a villain and tried to kill everyone we love' conversation.
Their daughter walked past them again a moment later and let out another performative gag. She was certainly getting sassier in her age. Emma caught Killian's eyes and they both had to stifle laughter.
When they'd calmed, Killian stepped forward to wrap his arms around Emma again, "I love you," he said after a moment of staring into her eyes. "I have always loved you." She braced a hand over his heart as her other arm reached around his waist as well. "And when I said I wanted to die instead of be the dark one, its because I was scared I would hurt you. I never wanted to leave you, Emma."
The tears in her eyes finally fell and he kissed them away. "I know," she whispered. "I never want to be in this life without you," She said, her head resting on his chest.
"Well that's a problem for another day." He teased gently. "But I will say, when that day comes, many many years from now," He pulled back, "I know I said you wouldn't be my unfinished business, but that was when we thought there would be decades, if not more, between meeting again. When I thought you might find love again. Next time, I'll wait here for you. However many years it takes."
She knew he meant the version of their home they lived in while rescuing him. She smiled at the thought, "I think that sounds fair." She leaned up and he met her lips in the middle. Quickly, she broke away, "when you said goodbye, did you think I would meet someone else? When I'd had true love?"
He gave a huff of a laugh, "I had hoped you wouldn't be alone."
"I would have just been with my family. I wasn't going to find someone else," she was vehement. Almost angry.
"Aye, love. I can't admit to it being a comforting thought." He conceded.
She smiled and swayed closer into his arms, "now what were you saying about exploring our darkness?" She teased and he raised an eyebrow while he searched her eyes before he glanced to the stairs where Hope had disappeared back down before shifting his stance to slide her arm under her backside and lift.
She gave a quick yelp of surprise before slamming her mouth shut when she realized her husband's intention. She was always impressed by his ability to toss her around like a rum barrel.