Shattered Ch XI, a beyblade fanfic

A/N: I am really sorry for the delay. I have nothing to say for myself...

CHAPTER 11

Letting out an exhausted sigh, the Falcon sat up in his bed, staring at the clock before his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he read the time.

1:13 AM.

He couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried. This had been happening ever since they came back from the hospital. He couldn't care less about his wounds, which were actually mostly healed, but the nightmares that plagued his sleep were too dreadful to be faced.

No matter what he tried, whatever thing he did to avert his attention, he couldn't shake that scene out of his mind, that scene that had shaken him up entirely.

Sighing tiredly, he made his way out of the bedroom for a much needed drink. He'd regret it in the morning but did he look like he cared?

Pausing at Kai's door, he felt the urge to check up on him. The bluenette would have, most likely, cried himself to sleep by now.

He opened the door, meeting pitch darkness, his eyes landing on the empty bed, and then, the open balcony doors.

A thought heaved on him; and he ran hurriedly over to the balcony, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

He let out a relieved sigh as he clocked onto the bluenette sitting at one edge of it, empty eyes raking over the city through the partitions in the railing.

He was in his night clothes, and shivered badly from the cold, his hands and feet a slight hue of blue.

Bryan's appearance startled him, but he regained his previous position after giving him a blank glance.

It was no use asking him what he was doing outside, or to shout at him, no way, or to reason with him. The only thing he could do was to talk him back inside.

He sat down beside him, thankful that he didn't flinch away, before speaking up, "It's really cold, you know."

He didn't get a reply.

"You could get sick. You should get inside."

Kai turned his head to him, the eyes still empty, "I don't care," he murmured softly before resuming his staring at the city.

Bryan frowned, "Kai, this is no joke. You are going to get a really messed up fever."

"I don't care," the same, nonchalant reply.

His frown deepened, "Well I do."

Kai turned to him again, "Why?", before scoffing, an almost dark hollow scoff, "Why would anyone care?"

"We all do. You're our frien-"

"I am no one's friend!," the bluenette interrupted, dark eyes now glaring at him, "I don't care about you all! And neither should you! Why would-" he stopped, turning away again, body falling limp, "Why would anyone-" he stopped, energy drained out.

"Why would anyone even-They'd be disgusted to the core. They'd stay away. They'd know, know what-" he stopped again, breathing ragged.

"It's okay," Bryan whispered to him, making tears appear in his eyes.

Bryan hesitantly put an arm around his shoulders, making him rest his head on his shoulder.

"Bryan," the bluenette whispered, "Do you think I'd forget it?" Tears dripped softly down his face.

"The only thing I want is to- forget. I want it to stop haunting me," his shoulders shook as he sobbed softly.

"The more I want to forget, the more I'm reminded of it all. I stare in the mirror, and the only thing I see is those nasty marks on my body. I feel disgusted, Bry, I want to rip off my skin!"

Bryan squeezed his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly, trying to calm him.

"I see them everywhere, whether my eyes are open, or closed… I.. I want to go away…"

Bryan looked down as he felt him leaning even closer, his teary eyes drooping.

"Shh, now," he whispered to him softly, rubbing his back, the bluenette falling asleep a few minutes later.

Slinging an arm under his back and knees, he picked him up, trying to be as silent and slow as possible, before taking him to the bed. Tucking him in properly, he shut the balcony doors, drawing the curtains, before making his way to the door.

"Bry?" The distressed yet soft voice whispered.

Bryan went back to him, raising an eyebrow as he observed him still asleep, before his eyes landed on the frown on the pale features.

He raked a hand over his forehead, the bluenette calming down at the action.

He sat down on the carpeted floor beside the bed, watching him for another sign of distress, before sleep overtook him and he laid his head on the edge of the bed, eyes closed, breathing slowly, the drink forgotten.

The crimson eyes jerked open, body almost spasming, trembling uncontrollably, heart beating so loudly it almost hurt, lungs working overload to take in as much air as they could.

He sat up, hiding his face in his hands, trying to erase the pictures out of his mind. He clutched his head, feeling like ripping his hair out.

Lifting his head up, misty and reddened eyes looking over his surroundings, he noticed the presence of another person.

"W-what are you doing here?"

He said, before registering how he was leaning on the nightstand, eyes full of sleep.

"I fell asleep, accidently. I'm sorry," Bryan let out sheepishly, slowly standing up. His foot harshly hit the bed and he winced.

Kai turned the table lamp on, leaning down to look at the foot that the Falcon now clutched in his hand.

"It's nothing," Bryan assured the bluenette, before moving over to the door, turning back to him again, watching him lie back down before leaving the room.

Kai breathed roughly, trying to calm his pounding heart, that he had tried hard to ignore when Bryan was there.

The nightmare had, once again, made him afraid to even close his eyes now.

He was tired, so tired, he hadn't eaten much since the last two days, only a piece of sandwich which Bryan had practically manipulated him to eat, and which, without them knowing, he had thrown back up just after an hour.

He was hungry, but at the same time, he wasn't. He knew it that starving himself was not a rational thing to do, because it would soon get him hospitalized. But he just couldn't stand the sight of it. He couldn't stand the anything at all. Not the food, not the medicine, not the idea of a bath, as it left him more naked than he would like, all his scars and marks, all the bitter reminders, not just out in the open for himself, but also the other's.

Which left him like this, almost a week since back home, and he hadn't bathed once. Not like it mattered. He couldn't stand the idea of uncovering those cruelties.

He was so worn out, yet it was hard to close his reddened eyes, when he knew what awaited him in his dreams...

"Do I go?" The redhead asked, expectant eyes looking at Bryan who held Kai's medicine in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

Kai had yet to open up to them, the only one he ever let close was Bryan, though even that wasn't too frequent. With the others, he was reluctant to have them even in his room, which saddened the redhead to no end.

"Just don't say anything stupid to him," Bryan said, handing him the glass and the medicine. "And don't touch him, I know you wouldn't mean any harm, but he is sensitive."

Tala nodded and took the things from him before making his way to Kai's bedroom.

Opening it slowly, he was met with darkness even though it was 10 am.

"Kai?" He whispered gently, finding the switch light and turning it on.

Kai was still asleep, not aware of his presence, the bedsheets a proper mess around him, only barely covering his lithe body, while his face was buried in them.

He put the glass and medicine on the nightstand and called him again, "Kai? Hey, wake up."

The way the sheets were twisted around him, seemed like he had been trying to block some kind of noise, but he noticed, it must have also made it quite hard for him to breathe.

He sat down on the bed and as softly as he could, removed the covers, revealing a sweat soaked, sickly pale and tired face, a frown highlighting it.

"Kai?" He shook him by the shoulder again, this time getting a response, the bluenette's eyes opened, albeit blearily, before landing on him, and he stiffened up, sitting up instantly, wrapping the blanket around himself to hide any marks on his neck.

"W-what?" He asked him, voice sore and scratchy.

"I brought medicine. Spencer's making pancakes for you. Are you okay?"

Kai laid his eyes on the paper bag on the nightstand. How he hated even the sight of it, and somehow he wanted so much of it, that he could die of overdose, and guess that's why they never put any in his room, only bringing the doses at required times, not that it was easy for them to make him take them, and even if they would, there were always high chances of him spitting it out right after they were gone, or throwing it up, which had happened more than enough times.

"Go. I'll take it," he let out, sound blank, not meeting the redhead's eyes.

"No," the redhead argued, worry laced with his voice, "You have to eat something too. You haven't had anything for the past 24 hours or so."

Kai's eyes darkened, "Do I have to repeat it to you?" He hissed out, "Get the fuck out!"

Tala's eyes turned desperate. Ever since it all happened, Kai hadn't talked to him in a normal way. He understood what the other must be going through, but all he wanted was to hug him and comfort him.

It was hard to see the person he held dearest to his heart hold him at a distance reserved for strangers. Surely, he could rely on him? But then again, had he given him a reason to? Had he helped him when he needed it the most? Had he saved him?

No...

He looked up helplessly at Kai, who was now glaring at him. He could notice how tense he was, how tight he was clutching the covers around him, his gaze fixed on every movement of his.

"Kai... I know you'll never forgive us, never forgive me, but please know, all I want to do is to help you" he let out before standing up and leaving the room, Kai watching him go out with an almost sad look.

"What happened now?" The Falcon asked, watching Tala's gloomy face as he came downstairs. He shook his head, sitting down on the table silently.

Bryan sighed, he knew it already.

He held up the medicine bag from the nightstand, before leaning over and throwing it in the bin.

The action somehow made him feel better, and he laid down again, staring up at the ceiling with a frown.

He wanted to be away, far away from them, from everyone.

He told himself that he didn't want to see them, while on the inside he didn't want them to see him.

Just then the door opened, letting Bryan in, who was holding a tray of pancakes for him.

He put the tray on the nightstand while Kai rose up on his elbows, glaring at him, "Didn't I tell you all to fuck off?"

"Calm down Kai," the Falcon let out, his tone gentle, "Where's your medicine?" He asked, before going over to the bin and sighing, opting not to comment on that action before turning to Kai again, gesturing towards the food.

"Breakfast?"

Kai's eyes darkened before he turned his back to him, lying down and covering himself fully with the covers.

Bryan sighed and sat down on the bed, pulling the covers off him.

"You can't keep doing this, you know that, right?"

There was no answer.

"Kai?"

The bluenette still had his back turned to him.

Bryan took in his appearance, noticing once again how skinny he had become. The night clothes he wore showed the prominent lines where his bones jutted out. His hair was so tangled, and he realised it hadn't been brushed since they came back from the hospital.

He had barely even gotten out of bed, and his skin was a ghostly pale color, the redness around his eyes the only contrast, along with the-

He squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn't bear the sight of those marks, how hard must it be for Kai, having them right on his skin? Clinging to him, recalling to him all the unpleasant memories.

"Kai..." He let out, even more gently this time, "Come on now"

Kai rolled over on his back silently before sitting up, staring at Bryan with his bloodshot eyes that were too hard to face, now when they held such raw pain. His whole face a mess of dried up tears, of dark circles which were a silent reminder of the sleepless nights, and the sickly pale skin.

This time, Kai hadn't made the effort of covering his neck, his prominent collarbones showing through the loose fitted crumpled T-shirt. The marks were fading, but not fast enough, not with all the malnutrition he was putting himself through.

He had a tired expression on his face, as if he was done with anything and anyone. Shoulders slouched, eyes weakly looking at him, lips a thin shaky line.

He was breathing slightly roughly, as if he'd run a marathon, and his eyes held this look-

'Fuck!' Bryan thought, handing reaching out to touch the burning forehead.

Kai flinched and turned his head away, the now watered eyes staring at him.

He had been right.

"Kai, you've got a fever," he told him, not too certain the bluenette would know himself. Of course, the idiot had frozen himself on the balcony.

Kai closed his eyes and leaned back on the pillows, trying to control his ragged breathing.

"Leave me alone..."

"No way Kai. You could try throwing something else at me, but I won't leave."

Kai blinked his eyes open, staring at him, "I never hurt you"

"But you were trying to hurt yourself."

"I don't care..."

Bryan frowned as tears again streaked down the pale and now flushed cheeks.

"It's okay..."

Kai sniffed, crying silently as Bryan ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm him.

"Bry... Please leave..."

The Falcon didn't say anything, instead kept stroking the hair softly.

"Y-you have n-no idea, it's- it's ea-sy for you... to blame me that... that I'm try-ing to... kill myself... but y-you have no id-ea," he cried harder now, a hand clutching his chest.

"I-I told you... I wa-nna be far away... so-so I forget..." He stared up at Bryan now, tears freely flowing down his cheeks, a sob leaving him as Bryan pulled him gently towards himself, resting his head on his shoulder, rubbing his back gently, "I-I just wan-na forget..." He repeated against Bryan's shoulder, hands clutching the older male's shirt.

"I know..."

"But I can-t, no ma-tter where I'd go, n-no ma-tter h-how far... I can't," he sobbed again, a soft one, he didn't have the energy to cry too hard even.

"So- so what's the poi-nt of even try-ing to- to get better? O-of taking m-medicine, of e-eating? I don-t ev-en wa-nna live..."

He heard Bryan take a sudden deep breathe, his body suddenly tensing around him.

"Don't- don't say that," he whispered, this was the second time he'd hinted towards his death.

Did he want to commit suicide? No... Bryan would never let that happen.

"W-why do you even care?" Kai asked, detaching himself from him now, looking at his hands in a list way.

Bryan didn't answer him this time, knowing each answer would lead to another question, instead he said, "You'll never ever forgive us, Kai, never."

Kai's eyes turned confused, "F-forgive?"

Bryan nodded, "We- we did nothing. We were cowards. When we were younger, we knew that getting involved would lead to death, maybe not for Tala, but for us, at least. But we are no more that young Kai, we could've saved you. We could've killed him sooner. We could've done something, something at least..."

Kai stared at him wide eyes, he'd never thought that they would be blaming themselves for what happened to him.

"You could've done nothing," he let out, "He'd have skinned you alive and ripped you apart... You could've done nothing."

Bryan swallowed thickly the bile in his throat, the talk of the topic bringing back that same familiar unpleasant twist in his gut. The picture, that picture... Kai...almost dead...tied and broken...

H-how he had looked at him...he had been scared...so scared...of him

Kai frowned as Bryan's shook his head before looking up at him. The smokey eyes were filled with sadness, a defeated air, and maybe...guilt?

"Kai, we were fucking coward not to save you from-," he frowned, "Please let us help now."

Meanwhile, the bluenette who had been sitting still, listening to him, now fell forward on his chest, body limp.

His eyes widened, and he checked for his pulse straight away, before sighing, Kai had passed out, both from the fever and the malnutrition.

He gently tapped him, sprinkling some water on his face, making crimson eyes slowly blink open.

Kai clutched his head as it now throbbed, before turning to Bryan who now held the pan with pancakes in one hand.

He held it out to him, "Kai, I'm serious. You are going to get hospitalized."

Kai was about to retaliate but didn't find it in himself the energy to do so, leaning limply against Bryan.

"Come on now"

After much more persisting and pleading, Bryan had him sitting comfortably leaning against the headboard, munching slowly on the pancakes.

He had just eaten one bite yet, but Bryan was glad to have gotten him to do even that.

"Good? Spencer said it's your favorite."

Kai hadn't noticed, it was blueberries. He loved them.

He nodded around his mouthful, feverish eyes flickering over the still loading plate. It had two more pancakes in it. After eating about half of one, he handed the plate back to Bryan, who took it without a word and placed it on the nightstand again.

"I'll bring your medicine" he informed him, before leaving the room.

Kai laid down again, before a wave of nausea hit him.

He fumbled blindly with the sheets to get them out of his way and reach the bathroom, but just as he landed his feet on the ground, all the energy drained out of him and he fell down, leaning pitifully against the nightstand, bike riding in his throat, before his stomach clenched and he threw up.

When Bryan came back a few minutes later, he was sitting gasping, slouched against the nightstand, hollow eyes staring up at him.