Summary: Aubrey decides she wants to expand her skillset and asks Duck for help. Set between Season 1 and Season 2.
Notes: I have compiled a list of 100 one-word prompts that I'm going to use as writing exercises basically. This is for prompt #1: "Record"
Duck opened his apartment door at 12:15—Aubrey was only 15 minutes late, which was a personal best for her—to find her holding two paper grocery bags. He didn't manage to get a word out before she shouldered her way past him into his apartment, making a beeline for his kitchen.
"Nice to see you too, Aubrey. Why don't you come in?" He muttered to himself as he shut the door.
"Yeah, yeah, niceties. Get in here so we can get down to business, Duck!" Aubrey called back to him. When he walked into the kitchen, she was in the process of up-ending her grocery bags onto the counter.
"What the hell could you possibly need that many frozen burritos for?"
"Training," Aubrey said without even turning to look at him.
"Training for what?"
Aubrey turned to him with her giant stage-worthy smile and flourished her arms about. "You are looking at the future title-holder of the record for the fastest time to eat a single burrito."
Duck just looked at her dumbly for a moment before speaking. "This is ridiculous."
It was clear that the short minutes of Minerva's visit last night that they'd spent coming up with a training plan for Aubrey were wasted. Which disappointed him a bit. Minerva had sounded so proud of him for 'Taking initiative. This will aid you well on your journey, Duck Newton!' Not that he particularly cared about that. At all. But it was a nice change of pace from her usual scolding.
"Well, it's not like we get any recognition for the whole pine guard thing," Aubrey said with a shrug. She quickly continued before Duck could remind her that they were supposed to keep that a secret for a reason, "Which is fine. But Mama also said I can't do any gigs until I get my powers under control better. So, you know, gotta get a little recognition somewhere."
"And so you chose to become the Joey Chestnut of burritos?"
"Well, his whole thing is eating a lot of things really fast, and I just want to eat one thing really fast. But yeah basically."
"And you need me for this because…"
"Well, you've been training every day and I thought 'hey, if there's anyone who knows about discipline and determination, it's Duck Newton,'" She said, still smiling winningly at him, though he could see little sparks from where she was fidgeting and snapping her fingers.
"And?" He asked, raising an eyebrow expectantly.
"And you have a microwave," Aubrey admitted sheepishly.
"Well, at least you're honest," He said with a laugh. "Go ahead and heat one of those up and we can see what you're working with, I guess."
"Yes!" She said, pumping a fist. She unwrapped the first of her many vegetarian burritos while he questioned his own sanity for agreeing.
He and Minerva made a plan for Aubrey's training and improvement, which he could probably modify for this, and he already set aside his afternoon, so he may as well go along for the ride.
Once Aubrey had her burrito (and let it cool for a few minutes—she already had enough burns, she didn't need to add the roof of her mouth to the list), she pulled a stopwatch from one of the pockets on her vest and handed it to Duck. "Just tell me when to start, coach."
Duck nodded. Step one: establish a baseline for performance. "Alright. Ready? Set? Go!"
The next 2 minutes and 38 seconds was one of the strangest moments in his life—he spent the time looking between her and the stopwatch and tried to ignore the sound of Aubrey chewing. He'd never be able to watch ASMR with mouth sounds again.
"2 minutes, 38.2 seconds," He said as she swallowed her last bite. "That's not bad? I think. What's the record anyway?"
"31 seconds," Aubrey burped out.
"Okay, gross. I draw the line at talking while burping. It's just bad manners, Aubrey," He said sternly.
"Aye, aye, captain," she said with a salute as she stood up to make another burrito.
It was time to move on to Minerva's Step 2: make small changes towards a goal and measure Aubrey's progress.
"Try taking bigger bites this time," Duck suggested when Aubrey returned with burrito number two.
"Alright. Just tell me when," Aubrey said as she wiggled her fingers and leaned over her plate.
"Ready? Go."
It was just as gross the second time. But Duck was starting to get invested in Aubrey's ridiculous goal, despite himself.
"2 minutes, 29.4 seconds," He said when she was done. "Maybe try smaller, faster bites?"
Aubrey gave a thumbs up as she headed back to the kitchen.
The third attempt clocked in at 2 minutes, 45 seconds, so clearly big bites were the way to go.
Aubrey continued to work her way through her burrito supplies and experimented with the technique. She tried varying sized bites. She tried chugging water just before she started—"For maximum lubrication, Duck." "Gross."—and in-between huge bites as well. After 7 burritos, her time was hovering around 1 minute and 40 seconds and she was starting to look pretty green.
"Duck?" Aubrey said as she slumped over and rested her head against the table.
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick."
Duck reached down for the little trash can from his bathroom, complete with a fresh bag, which he'd gotten while she was heating up burrito number four. "Here."
"Thanks," She said, sitting up and clutching the small bin to her chest.
"Let's get you to the couch to lay down," he said gently as he took hold of her arms and helped her up and guided her to the living room. Once she was settled on her side on the couch—laying with her legs stretched over Duck's lap so he had a place to sit in the small living room other than the floor—he switched on the TV and let Golden Girls reruns fill the silence.
After 2 and a half episodes, they were startled from their stupor by the sound of Duck's landline ringing from the kitchen.
"Let me up," Duck said, patting her legs gently.
Aubrey moved her legs with a groan and said, "If that's Mama with a pine guard emergency, kindly inform her that I've passed on."
"You got it," Duck said with a laugh.
A few moments after he answered the phone, he yelled back to Aubrey, "It's Ned. He wants to know if we want to go to dinner at the new Mexican place."
Aubrey groaned again. "Tell him I'm never eating again! And that I hate him for even asking!" She yelled back.
Duck relayed the message to Ned, who started laughing so hard he sounded like he could barely breathe.
"You knew about her world record aspirations then, I take it," Duck said once Ned's guffawing eased off.
"She might have mentioned it."
"You're evil," Duck said with a laugh of his own.
"Perhaps," Ned conceded. "I also wanted to check that she's still alive."
"Well, she is for now, but I better get back before she decides to keel over," Duck said before saying a quick goodbye and returning to his spot on the couch.
A few hours later, when Minerva made her nightly appearance, Aubrey had fallen asleep on top of him.
"How was training today, Duck Newton?" Minerva said quietly, clearly trying not to disturb Aubrey, which made Duck smile.
"It really took it out of her," Duck answered with a soft laugh.
Minerva nodded her approval. "And did she acquire any new skills today?"
"Oh, I think she learned a lesson or two."
"Very good work, Duck Newton. I will see you tomorrow," Minerva said with a smile before she flickered out of view.