Chapter 4

I rubbed the back of my neck, watching from a distance as Kazuma tried to calm down the frantic Aqua. She was in full meltdown mode, tears streaming down her face, flailing her arms like a child who'd been told Christmas was canceled. It was strange seeing her like this. For someone who had more power and influence than most beings in existence, she didn't exactly have the demeanor to match.

Still, watching Kazuma deal with her brought a small grin to my face. He had no idea what he was in for—what they both were in for. They were at the very beginning of their story, and I couldn't help but think about how much easier I could make it for him.

After all, I'd been in this world for a while now. I knew the ropes. Kazuma, on the other hand, was a fish out of water. And while his luck and cunning would carry him far eventually, there was no harm in giving him a little push to get started.

Maybe it's time to play mentor for a bit, I thought, adjusting the plain robes I was wearing. They were simple, sure, but they didn't scream "freshly reincarnated clueless adventurer," which I figured gave me a leg up on Kazuma. With that decision made, I stepped forward and approached the duo.

Kazuma noticed me first, his expression shifting from mild annoyance to cautious curiosity. Aqua, still mid-sob, barely glanced my way.

"Hey," I said, raising a hand in greeting. "Looks like you two are new here."

Kazuma frowned slightly, glancing me over. "Uh, yeah. You could say that. We just… arrived. Do you need something?"

I shook my head with a small smile. "Not at all. Just thought I'd help out. You're going to need it."

Before Kazuma could reply, Aqua's teary voice cut in. "Great. Another kid trying to act cool. We don't need your help, okay?" She sniffled loudly, rubbing at her face with the sleeve of her dress.

I turned to her, my grin widening. "Hey, Aqua. Long time, no see."

Her watery blue eyes blinked at me in confusion, her brow furrowing. "Huh? Do I… know you?"

"Oh, you probably don't recognize me like this," I said, tapping my temple. "But I'm the guy from the States. You know, the one who died during a visit to Japan? I'm the bloke who asked to be reborn as my OC. Remember that?"

Aqua froze, her face going pale. "Wait… that was you?!"

"Yup," I replied, crossing my arms. "Didn't think you'd forget me so quickly, considering you kinda bent the rules to make this happen."

She looked genuinely distressed now, glancing around nervously. "Oh no… I got in so much trouble for that. I wasn't supposed to give you that much. You're treading on god-tier cheats, and I had to explain it to the higher-ups for weeks!"

Kazuma looked between the two of us, his confusion growing. "Hold on. You know each other? And what's this about bending the rules?"

"It's a long story," I said, waving a hand. "For now, let's focus on getting you started. You're going to need some help navigating all this."

Kazuma crossed his arms, still looking skeptical. "Alright… so what's the catch? You offering to help us out for free?"

"Pretty much," I said with a shrug. "But there's one condition—you join my party. I'll even cover your registration fees. Deal?"

His eyebrows shot up. "You'd pay for that? Seriously? I don't have any money."

"Figured as much," I said. "But don't worry, I've got a little trick for that. Repeat after me: 'You know, Aqua, it would be so lucky if the money you forgot to give me before leaving ended up in my back pocket. I'd be so thankful if Lady Luck would bless me so.'"

Kazuma stared at me like I was insane, but after a moment, he sighed. "Fine, whatever. Not like I've got anything to lose."

He turned to Aqua, who was already pouting. Then, in a flat tone, he repeated the line: "You know, Aqua, it would be so lucky if the money you forgot to give me before leaving ended up in my back pocket. I'd be so thankful if Lady Luck would bless me so."

When he finished, he patted his back pocket with a bored expression—until his hand froze. His eyes widened in shock, and he pulled out a shimmering mithril coin.

"What the—?!" He stared at it, completely dumbfounded. "This wasn't there before!"

I smirked, crossing my arms. "That's a mithril coin. It's worth about 500,000 yen, give or take."

Kazuma's mouth fell open, and Aqua sputtered indignantly. "What?! That shouldn't—! Ugh, fine, whatever! Lucky little jerk," she muttered, crossing her arms.

I chuckled, gesturing for them to follow me. "Come on. Let's head to the guild. I'll help you get registered. Trust me, this world is a lot more manageable when you've got someone showing you the ropes."

Kazuma, still clutching the coin like it was the Holy Grail, nodded slowly. "Alright… I guess I'm in your debt already."

As we walked toward the guild, I couldn't help but grin. This was going to be fun.

As we walked toward the guild, Kazuma was still staring at the mithril coin in his hand like it might vanish if he blinked. His steps were slow and hesitant, his brain clearly struggling to process what had just happened.

I glanced over at him and smirked. "Also, thank Eris for that, by the way."

Kazuma blinked, looking up at me. "Eris? Who's Eris?"

Aqua's head snapped up, her face suddenly twisting in annoyance. "Ugh, don't tell me you're one of those Eris worshippers," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Eris isn't even a proper goddess. She pads her chest, for crying out loud!"

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Aqua, you really can't help yourself, can you? You just have to bring that up every chance you get."

"Well, it's true!" she shot back, her voice rising. "Eris gets way too much credit for being a 'kind and benevolent' goddess when—"

"—when she's literally the reason Kazuma has that coin in his hand right now," I interrupted, pointing at him.

Aqua froze, her face scrunching up in frustration as she sputtered for a response. "T-that's… ugh, fine!" she grumbled, looking away.

Kazuma raised an eyebrow, glancing between us. "So… Eris is another goddess? And she's the reason this coin appeared?"

"Exactly," I said, giving him a firm nod. "Eris is the goddess of luck, fortune, and balance. She's the reason that little trick worked. So, you might want to keep her in mind while you're here. Good luck can go a long way in a world like this."

Kazuma frowned, his grip tightening slightly on the coin. "Huh. Well… thanks, I guess, Eris. Whoever you are."

Aqua rolled her eyes. "Don't thank her too much. She's my junior, you know. You should be thanking me instead."

Kazuma sighed, his voice flat. "Right… sure. Thanks, Aqua. Truly, you're the most gracious of all goddesses."

She puffed up with pride, missing the sarcasm entirely, while I just chuckled under my breath.

"Come on," I said, gesturing toward the guild's entrance as it came into view.

As we walked toward the guild, the cobblestones crunching softly underfoot, I glanced over at Aqua, who was still skipping slightly ahead, looking around at the town with wide-eyed curiosity. I sighed and decided to address the elephant in the room.

"Aqua," I began, my tone calm but firm, "you should keep your status as a goddess a secret, alright?"

She stopped mid-skip, turning to face me with a confused expression. "What? Why? Don't you think people should know how amazing I am?"

I smiled, shaking my head slightly. "It's not about hiding how 'amazing' you are. It's about safety. If the Demon King ever found out that you were here in a mortal body, it wouldn't just be a problem for you—it'd be a problem for the whole town. He'd send everything he's got to swarm Axel, and it'd be game over for everyone."

Her face faltered slightly as she processed that, her confident demeanor dimming just a little. "I… I didn't think of that," she admitted.

I nodded. "Exactly. So, for now, keep it under wraps. If anyone asks, you're just an adventurer like the rest of us. Oh, and if you see 'Pope' as a class when you register, you might want to choose that. It could give you some say over the Axis Church, and considering their… reputation, you might want to make sure they don't tarnish your name too much."

Aqua pouted, crossing her arms but nodding reluctantly. "Fine. I guess you have a point."

Satisfied, I turned to Kazuma, who was walking beside me with a thoughtful expression. "Kazuma," I said, catching his attention, "you should be patient with her."

He raised an eyebrow. "Patient? Why?"

"She's literally a goddess," I said with a small grin, "who's been, let's say, 'working from home' for a very long time. This is probably her first time—or close to it—actually living in a mortal body. Her body is naturally far more resilient than a normal person's, but she doesn't know any of the limits of a mortal body yet. She's going to need someone to look out for her while she figures it out."

Kazuma sighed, running a hand through his hair. "So you're saying I have to babysit her?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Not babysit. Guide. Think about it, man—bringing a goddess into the mortal world is a big responsibility. Do you think you can handle that?"

Kazuma frowned, his brow furrowing as he considered my words. "I mean… I guess? But it's not like I signed up for this."

"Maybe not," I said with a shrug. "But you're in a unique position here. Not every guy gets the chance to travel with a goddess, let alone romance one."

That made him stop in his tracks, blinking at me. "Romance? What are you talking about?"

I gave him a knowing look, my grin widening slightly. "Think about it. You've got a chance to build a relationship with her. You could use your wish at the end of all this to retire with her. Live comfortably, maybe even back in Japan or wherever you want to go. It's not something most people ever get to dream of."

Kazuma's face turned red, and he sputtered slightly. "I—I'm not thinking about that kind of thing!"

"Yet," I said with a smirk. "But just keep it in mind. Also…" I lowered my voice slightly, my tone growing more serious. "One more thing to think about—this world's gender ratio is skewed. There are about five women for every man. That means polygamy is a common practice here. If you do want her, or anyone else for that matter, you've got to be upfront about it. Communication's key, Kazuma."

He stared at me, his face cycling through shock, embarrassment, and something like cautious consideration. Finally, he groaned, rubbing his temples. "This world just keeps getting weirder and weirder…"

"Hey," I said, patting him on the shoulder as we reached the guild's doors. "Weirder can also mean better. Just keep your options open and take things one step at a time. Now, let's get you both registered."

Kazuma sighed again but nodded, pushing the door open and stepping into the bustling guild hall. Aqua followed close behind, her pout still lingering, but she glanced at me and muttered, "Thanks… for the advice."

I just smiled. "Don't mention it. Now let's get to work."

"Hey, Luna," I said as we approached the receptionist counter, giving her a casual wave. "I want to register these two privately."

Luna blinked, momentarily surprised, but quickly regained her professional demeanor. "Of course, private registration is 100 eris per person."

I nodded, reaching into my pouch and pulling out 200 eris, placing it on the counter. "Here you go."

She smiled, taking the coins and tucking them away in the cashbox. "Alright, I'll handle their private registrations. Please follow me."

As she led Kazuma and Aqua to a private room to begin the process, I quickly did the math in my head.

Subtract 200 eris: 33,900 - 200 = 33,700 eris

We found an open table in the bustling guild hall, the lively chatter of adventurers filling the air around us. Sliding into our seats, I grabbed one of the menus and spread it across the table for all of us to look at.

"Order anything you want," I said, leaning back casually.

Aqua's eyes immediately lit up as she spotted the drink section. Her gaze lingered far too long on the list of strong ales and meads.

I raised an eyebrow, pointing at her. "No strong alcoholic drinks until dinner."

She pouted, crossing her arms. "You're no fun."

"Noted," I replied dryly, glancing over at Kazuma, who was scanning the menu with a mix of curiosity and hesitation. I decided to break the silence. "So, Kazuma, what kind of build are you going for? Any thoughts?"

Kazuma frowned, looking up from the menu. "Build? I haven't really thought about it. I mean, I don't even know what the options are yet."

"Fair enough," I said with a nod. "Let me put it this way: my class is an advanced adventurer class called the Wandering Dovahkiin. It's… well, kind of a mix of everything. Think of it as a mishmash of the Lone Wanderer from Fallout 3, Courier Six from New Vegas, and the Dragonborn from Skyrim. Basically, I've got a ton of skills, and I'm set up to help with any build you'd want to go for. Fighter, mage, thief—it's your call."

Kazuma tilted his head, intrigued. "That's… a lot of references. And you can help with any build?"

"Yup," I said, pulling out my adventurer card and handing it to him. "Here, take a look. It's a bit of a long read, but it's worth it."

He took the card, his eyes scanning the seemingly endless list of skills, perks, and abilities. His brow furrowed deeper with each line he read. "Holy crap," he muttered. "You weren't kidding. You've got everything."

Aqua leaned over his shoulder to peek at the card. Her eyes narrowed as she read. "What the heck? That's way more than a normal person gets! How is this fair?"

I sighed, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the table. "Before you start calling me a Gary Stu or something, let me explain. This build—this character—was a request I made to Aqua back when I was still alive. Sounds great on paper, right? But there's a catch."

Kazuma raised an eyebrow. "What kind of catch?"

I let out a slow breath, my tone dropping. "Let's just say… children aren't immortal like they are in the games. Back when I was playing Fallout 3, there was this quest involving a kid named Bryan Wilks—you know, the kid from Grayditch? In the game, you can save him. But here?" I paused, my gaze dropping to the table. "Here, I failed. I watched him get ripped to shreds in front of me, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it."

The table went quiet, the weight of my words sinking in. Kazuma glanced at Aqua, who for once looked genuinely serious, before looking back at me.

I ran a hand through my hair, giving them a bitter smile. "I'm not okay mentally. I'm powering through it the best I can, but… I've got sixty years of experience from the lives of the Wanderer, the Courier, and the Dragonborn. The good and the bad. Combine that with the life I lived on Earth, and you're looking at eighty years of memories shoved into this thirteen-year-old body."

Kazuma stared at me, his mouth slightly open, but he didn't interrupt. I let out a dry chuckle. "I'm basically hardwired to help people without even thinking about it. It's… reflexive. Like when I healed that guy's missing arm earlier. Didn't even blink—I just did it. But that doesn't mean it's easy. Sorry, I know I'm venting, but you're from Earth, so I figured you'd get it. This isn't exactly normal, you know?"

As I finished, the waitress arrived, placing a frothy mug of ale in front of me. I downed it in one go, the cool liquid sliding down my throat, before slamming the empty mug on the table with a satisfied sigh. "Another, please," I said, handing her 10 eris.

She nodded and walked off, and I turned back to Kazuma and Aqua, offering them a faint grin. "Anyway, enough about me. The point is, I'm here to help. Whatever you want to do, Kazuma, I'll back you up. Just let me know what you're thinking."

Kazuma nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. "Alright… I'll think about it. But I've gotta say, you've got a hell of a story."

I laughed, leaning back in my chair. "You don't know the half of it, man."

Kazuma leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, as he mulled over everything I'd just said. The faint clinking of mugs and chatter of adventurers filled the guild hall around us, but his attention was firmly locked on me.

"So," I continued, taking another sip of my ale as the waitress returned with a refill, "let me tell you about the other members of my party. First, there's Darkness. She's a crusader with, uh, let's call it a difficult relationship with hitting things. Her swordsmanship isn't great, but there's a reason for it. From what I've seen—and based on my OC's knowledge—I think she's got some sort of blessing or natural talent for defense-based builds. That's why I'm going to train her in something… different."

Kazuma quirked an eyebrow. "Different? Like what?"

"Fist of Steel," I said with a grin, leaning forward. "It's a perk under the heavy armor skill. Basically, the idea is to use her armor as both her defense and her weapon. I'm working on crafting her custom enchanted armor that'll let her hit harder with her fists than she could with a sword. She's going to be a brawler crusader—something pretty much unheard of in this world. It suits her, trust me."

Kazuma blinked, looking both amused and impressed. "A brawler crusader? That's… honestly, kind of cool. Like a tank that punches people into next week."

"Exactly," I said, smirking. "She's got the durability for it, and once I'm done training her, she'll hit like a freight train. You'll see."

I leaned back in my chair, turning my attention to the next subject. "And then there's Megumin. She's an Arch Wizard from the Crimson Demons—a village full of people who are basically living embodiments of '8th-grade syndrome.'"

Kazuma's eyes widened slightly. "Wait, you mean…?"

"Yep," I said with a chuckle. "Chuunis. The whole lot of them. Their culture revolves around it. And Megumin? She's no exception. Her entire build is dedicated to explosions. Like, only explosions. If you've ever played Borderlands—and I'm guessing you have—you know Tiny Tina, right?"

Kazuma nodded quickly, his lips quirking into a grin. "Oh yeah, I know Tiny Tina."

"Then picture that same level of obsession, but with magic," I said, shaking my head fondly. "That's Megumin. She lives and breathes explosions. I taught her a spell called Explosive Bolt, which is basically a smaller, more controlled explosion spell. But her signature spell—just called Explosion—isn't something you mess around with. It's on par with a MOAB."

Kazuma nearly choked on his drink. "A MOAB? As in, Mother of All Bombs?!"

"Yep," I replied, popping the "p" for emphasis. "The sheer destructive power of her Explosion spell is insane. It's basically a god-tier spell, but the tradeoff is that it takes all her mana to cast it. One Explosion, and she's done for the day. But hey, what it lacks in efficiency, it more than makes up for in style."

Kazuma let out a low whistle, leaning forward on the table. "Man, that's awesome. A brawler crusader and a living bomb? Your party sounds nuts, but in the best way."

I grinned, nodding. "They're a handful, but they're worth it. Oh, and both of them have agreed to stick with me in more ways than one, if you catch my drift."

Kazuma blinked, tilting his head. "Wait, you mean… they're into you?"

"Darkness is a noble," I said, shrugging, "and Megumin's from a clan with its own quirky traditions. Both of them know what they're getting into. Polygamy isn't uncommon in this world, remember? But yeah, they've both agreed to stay by my side."

Kazuma stared at me for a moment, then leaned back with a grin spreading across his face. "Man, I gotta say, this is turning out way better than I expected. When I first got here, I figured I'd just get by somehow, but now? I've got a goddess as a party member, and I'm meeting all these crazy, amazing people. I think… I think I'm actually starting to like this world."

"Good," I said, raising my mug. "Then you're on the right track. It's not an easy world, but it's got its perks. Stick with me, and I'll make sure you get the most out of it."

Kazuma raised his own mug, clinking it against mine with a grin. For the first time since I'd met him, he looked genuinely optimistic about what lay ahead.

I leaned back in my chair, the weight of the conversation finally sinking in, and let out a dry chuckle. "Also, Kazuma, if you didn't quite catch it yet, my OC—this character I'm playing as—is a self-insert. Like, literally me. So imagine how disorienting it is to wake up as yourself, but also not yourself, but at the same time still yourself. But also, somehow, your future self."

Kazuma gave me a confused look, clearly trying to parse the mess of words I just threw at him. "Wait, what? You're saying… this is all you, but also… not? That doesn't even make sense."

I laughed, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah, welcome to my life. It's hard to explain, but try to wrap your head around this: I woke up as my OC, who's basically me but a better, stronger, more experienced version of myself—someone I created and wrote out in detail. So now I have all his memories, all his skills, and all his emotional baggage. It's me… but it's also not me."

Kazuma blinked. "That sounds… horrifying, actually."

"Oh, it gets better," I said with a bitter smirk. "Here's the kicker: I know all the trials and tribulations my OC went through—because I orchestrated them myself. Like Bryan's death."

Kazuma frowned. "Bryan? You mean the kid from Grayditch you mentioned earlier?"

I nodded, my expression darkening. "Yeah. He's one example. I remember failing to save him in-game. But now? I realize it wasn't some random failure. It was something I created when I made my OC's backstory. That event was designed to build up character for him. For me. And now, I get to live with that knowledge—knowing all that suffering, all that trauma, was self-inflicted."

Kazuma leaned back, his face a mixture of shock and discomfort. "Wow. That's… that's seriously messed up. You wrote all of that for yourself to go through? And now you actually have to live it?"

"Exactly," I said with a humorless laugh. "It's like writing a tragic novel and then waking up one day as the main character, with no way out. And to top it off, I've got the memories of my old life back on Earth, plus all the crap I went through as the Lone Wanderer, Courier Six, and Dragonborn. So yeah, my brain's a bit of a mess right now."

Kazuma just stared at me, his drink halfway to his lips, before finally muttering, "Man… and I thought I got the short end of the stick when Aqua dragged me here. That's… on another level."

I shrugged, giving him a small smile. "Hey, it's not all bad. I've got the skills to make a difference here, and I'm trying to use them to help people. It's just… a lot to process, you know? I mean, I healed a guy's missing arm earlier like it was nothing, and it still hasn't fully hit me that I can do that now. It's weird."

Kazuma nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. "Yeah, I can see how that'd mess with your head. But still… you seem to be handling it pretty well, all things considered."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I wouldn't say 'well.' I'm just powering through it because I don't really have a choice. But thanks for saying that."

Kazuma gave me a faint smile, raising his mug slightly. "Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you're here. Sounds like you've got a lot going on, but if half the stuff you've said is true, then I guess I can't complain about having you around. You're like a walking cheat code."

"Cheat code, huh?" I said, smirking as I raised my own mug. "I'll take that as a compliment. Now drink up—we've got a lot of work ahead of us."

Kazuma clinked his mug against mine, his grin widening slightly. "Yeah, we do. But I think I can deal with it."

For a moment, the two of us sat there in relative silence, the weight of everything hanging between us. It wasn't exactly the kind of conversation I thought I'd be having today, but somehow, it felt… good. Like I wasn't as alone in this as I thought.

As the lively atmosphere of the guild carried on around us, the doors burst open to reveal a peculiar sight: Megumin being piggybacked inside by another girl. Blinking in surprise, I stood up from my seat, already piecing together what must have happened.

I approached them with a soft, fond smile directed at Megumin. "I'm guessing that was you earlier," I said, noting her exhausted but triumphant expression.

She nodded weakly, still draped over the back of the taller girl, who was struggling to keep her balance. I shifted my gaze to the other girl—slightly taller than Megumin, with long dark hair and a nervous energy about her. Her crimson eyes were filled with a mix of embarrassment and exasperation.

I offered her a kind, friendly smile. "And you must be the rival she went to catch up with?"

The girl blinked, clearly startled by my calm demeanor, but managed a hesitant nod. "Y-yes, I'm Yunyun," she stammered.

I nodded in return, my tone warm and polite. "Nice to meet you, Yunyun. I'm James, Megumin's husband."

That seemed to catch her off guard entirely, and her eyes widened in shock as her gaze darted between me and Megumin. I didn't linger on her reaction, though, as I pulled a small vial from my inventory—a restore magic potion glowing with an electric blueberry hue.

Turning back to Megumin, I gently tipped the potion to her lips. "Here, drink this," I said softly.

She complied without hesitation, her energy visibly returning as the potion worked its magic. Her crimson eyes brightened, and a small, satisfied smile played across her lips as she slowly slid off Yunyun's back.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a small item—a newly enchanted eyepatch. I handed it to her with a happy smile. "Here's the promised gift, my love."

Megumin's eyes lit up, and she took the eyepatch with both hands, holding it like it was a treasure. "You really finished it?" she asked, her voice filled with excitement.

"Of course," I said, taking her hand and kissing it lightly. "Nothing but the best for you."

She blushed slightly but smiled brightly. Then, with a spark of enthusiasm, she leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips before eagerly putting on the enchanted eyepatch. She adjusted it carefully, her grin growing wider.

"This is amazing!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing on her heels. "I can already feel the power flowing through it!"

"I'm glad you like it," I said with a chuckle.

Before I could say more, Yunyun gently tugged on Megumin's sleeve, a serious expression on her face. "Megumin, can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?"

Megumin blinked, then nodded. "Sure, Yunyun. What's up?"

The two of them walked off to a quieter corner of the guild, leaving me to watch as they exchanged hushed words. Whatever they were discussing, it seemed important—Yunyun's expression was unusually tense.

I returned to my seat, glancing over at Kazuma and Aqua, who were both watching the scene with varying degrees of curiosity. "Looks like Megumin's rival has something on her mind," I mused aloud, leaning back as I waited for the two of them to finish.

The two of them returned to the table after their private conversation. Megumin plopped down beside me, her energy seemingly restored, while Yunyun hesitated before sitting next to her. Megumin leaned against me slightly, glancing at me with a shy but deliberate look, then gave me a quick, hesitant peck on the cheek. It wasn't much—just the kind of affection a girl unused to such things might muster when she wanted to kiss someone more seriously but wasn't ready to take the leap.

I smirked slightly, enjoying her awkward effort, though I noticed the way Yunyun's gaze flickered nervously between us, like she was debating something internally. Before I could think much about it, I decided to break the tension.

"Hey, girls," I said, motioning toward the other two at the table. "These are our new party members. Kazuma, an adventurer," I said, gesturing to him, "and his potential girlfriend—if he plays his cards right—Aqua, a…" I trailed off, giving her the floor to introduce herself.

"Arch-Pope!" Aqua said proudly, puffing her chest out with a wide grin.

I blinked, my finger mid-point, and tilted my head slightly. "Huh," I muttered, shaking my head as I lowered my hand. "Didn't think that class even existed. Anyway—" I turned back to Megumin, noticing the way her expression had shifted into something unreadable. "Megumin, what's with that concerned look?"

Her crimson eyes focused on me, her face neutral but her voice sharp as she spoke. "I didn't know that you swung that way."

I blinked, confused, just as Kazuma took a sip of his drink—only to immediately spit it out in a perfect arc that landed squarely on Aqua. As soon as the liquid hit her, it shimmered and turned into perfectly clear water.

"What the hell, Kazuma?!" Aqua shrieked, flailing as she wiped herself down.

I raised an eyebrow at Megumin, shaking my head in mock exasperation. "Okay, first of all, I'm bi-curious, but only for those I've got a strong bromance with." I stuck my tongue out at her, a teasing grin spreading across my face.

Megumin huffed, folding her arms and giving me one of her classic smug looks. "Husband," she said with exaggerated pride, drawing out the word like it was a trophy she'd won. She leaned back smugly in her seat, clearly reveling in the moment.

Yunyun, meanwhile, looked down at her lap, her hands gripping her skirt tightly. Her cheeks were a faint pink as she darted glances at me from time to time, the internal debate she'd been having earlier clearly still raging on.

Kazuma wiped his mouth, coughing a bit as he shot me a skeptical look. "You're seriously bi-curious?" he asked, his tone caught somewhere between surprise and disbelief.

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. "Hey, when you've got 80 years of life experience packed into your head, you start to question a few things. But like I said, bromance-level connection only. Otherwise, nah."

Kazuma blinked, then muttered under his breath, "Man, this guy gets weirder by the minute…"

Megumin snickered, clearly enjoying the chaos, while Aqua continued to wring out her hair with a dramatic pout.

Leaning toward Megumin slightly, I asked in a quieter tone, "So, what was that little chat with Yunyun about?"

Megumin's smugness didn't waver, though her expression softened slightly as she glanced at her friend. "Oh, nothing too serious," she said, her tone casual but with a hint of teasing. "Just girl talk."

Yunyun stiffened slightly, her face flushing a deeper shade of red as she quickly looked away.

I decided not to push it, instead reaching out to pat Megumin's head gently. "Alright, just checking. Let me know if there's anything I need to know, yeah?"

She grinned up at me, clearly satisfied with the attention. "Of course, husband." She emphasized the last word again, her tone practically dripping with smugness as she gave Yunyun a sidelong glance.

Yunyun fidgeted in her seat, her hands gripping her knees now, but she finally managed to stammer out, "J-James… um… do you think you'd ever take a disciple? Someone to learn magic from you?"

I blinked, slightly caught off guard, before offering her a warm smile. "Sure, if they're willing to work hard and put in the effort. Why? You interested?"

Her crimson eyes darted nervously to Megumin, who was watching her like a hawk, before flicking back to me. "M-maybe…" she mumbled.

Megumin immediately leaned forward, her face a mix of smugness and mock suspicion. "Ohhh? Yunyun, are you trying to steal my husband?!"

Yunyun turned beet red, shaking her head frantically. "N-no! That's not it at all! I just… I thought it might be nice to learn from someone who's clearly skilled…"

I chuckled, raising a hand to calm them both down. "Relax, Megumin. And Yunyun, if you want to learn, we can talk about it. No rush."

Yunyun nodded, looking both relieved and still deeply embarrassed, while Megumin settled back into her chair with a triumphant smile, clearly satisfied with how things were playing out.

Kazuma, watching the entire scene unfold, leaned toward me and muttered under his breath, "Your life is… complicated, dude."

I just grinned. "You've got no idea."

As we settled back into our seats, I turned my attention to Kazuma, who was still trying to process everything I'd thrown at him earlier. I leaned forward slightly, a knowing smirk tugging at my lips.

"Also, based on my OC knowledge," I began, gesturing vaguely at him, "you've definitely been blessed by a goddess. And no, I don't mean you, Aqua," I added quickly, cutting her off before she could puff herself up again.

Kazuma blinked, leaning back slightly. "Wait, what? Blessed by a goddess? What are you talking about?"

I tilted my head, my eyes narrowing slightly as I focused on him. "It's in your aura. I can feel it—it's subtle, but it's there. You've definitely got the attention of another goddess. And aren't you a lucky bastard? I'm talking about Eris."

"Eris?" Kazuma repeated, his brow furrowing. "The luck goddess you mentioned earlier?"

"Exactly," I said with a rueful chuckle. "She's probably been keeping an eye on you ever since you got here. My guess? She's trying to look out for you. You know, trying to make up for her mean senpai over here." I jabbed a thumb at Aqua, who was glaring at me with an exaggerated pout.

"I'm not mean!" Aqua snapped, crossing her arms. "And Eris isn't that great! She pads her chest, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, Aqua, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Turning back to Kazuma, I continued, "Anyway, I know what I'm talking about because my OC was the champion of the Nine Divines. And not just them—he was also the champion of all the Daedric Princes. So yeah, I've got a pretty good sense for divine blessings when I see them."

Kazuma frowned, still trying to wrap his head around it. "Wait, so… why would Eris be interested in me? I've never even met her."

"Simple," I said, leaning back in my chair with a smirk. "When you were alive, you probably always got the best RNG, right?"

Kazuma blinked, his expression shifting to something like cautious recognition. "Well… yeah, I guess? I mean, I always thanked the RNG gods when I got lucky in games, but that was just… a joke."

"That's probably all it took," I said with a shrug. "A casual thank-you, even in jest, is enough to count as a prayer to a goddess of luck. Eris probably appreciated it and decided to keep an eye on you. Right, Aqua?"

Aqua huffed, looking away. "I don't see why she'd care about him. She's too soft, always helping random people like it's her job or something. Goddess of Luck, my butt…"

Kazuma looked between us, his face a mix of confusion and disbelief. "So you're telling me I've got some kind of divine blessing because I thanked RNG gods while gaming?"

"Pretty much," I said with a grin. "Think of it as karmic payoff for all those little moments of gratitude. Eris probably sees you as someone worth watching out for. So yeah, you've got some backup—whether you realize it or not."

Kazuma let out a long sigh, rubbing the back of his head. "Man, this world just keeps getting weirder and weirder…"

"Get used to it," I said with a chuckle. "This is just the beginning."

Kazuma sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Man, this world just keeps getting weirder and weirder..."

I leaned back in my chair with a smirk, casually swirling the last bit of ale in my mug. "Well, yeah. It's a fucking fantasy world, after all. You were expecting normal?"

He shot me a tired look. "I don't know what I was expecting, but definitely not 'blessed by a random goddess because of my gaming habits.' That's pushing it, even for me."

I chuckled, raising my mug slightly in mock salute. "Welcome to the club. If it makes you feel any better, this kind of insanity is par for the course here. You'll adjust."

Aqua crossed her arms and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. "You're all making too big a deal about Eris! She's not even that important compared to me, you know."

Kazuma glanced at her, unimpressed. "Uh-huh. And yet she's the one blessing me, not you."

"W-well, maybe I'm just giving her a chance to prove herself!" Aqua stammered, clearly flustered. "I don't need to bless you because I'm already here with you!"

"Right," Kazuma said flatly, turning back to me. "You know, for a goddess, she's surprisingly easy to annoy."

I shrugged, laughing. "Like I said, fantasy world. Better get used to the weirdness, Kazuma, because this is your life now."

He groaned, leaning forward on the table. "Lucky me…"

The waitress brought over our food, placing each dish down with a practiced smile and polite nod before stepping away. One of the side items on the table was a small cheese wheel, golden and perfectly round. The sight of it immediately triggered a memory from my OC's knowledge, and before I could stop myself, I picked it up with a grin, holding it up like some divine artifact.

In a loud, overly dramatic voice, I proclaimed, "Oh woe is me, my cheese wheel for the Wabbajack! Oh woe is me, my cheese wheel for the Wabbajack!"

Kazuma looked at me like I'd completely lost my mind, while Megumin snorted into her drink, clearly finding my antics amusing. Even Aqua rolled her eyes, muttering something about me being "a weirdo."

But then it happened.

The cheese wheel disappeared from my fingers, vanishing into thin air. A faint ripple of energy crackled around the table, and before I could fully process what was happening, an all-too-familiar sound filled the air.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

The unmistakable, maddening laugh of Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, echoed around us, sending a chill straight down my spine. My eyes went wide as a new weight materialized in my hands. There it was, as real and solid as the table in front of me: the Wabbajack.

The room felt like it froze for a moment. Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin all stared at the twisted staff in my hands, their faces a mix of confusion and disbelief. The eerie hum of chaotic energy radiating from the Wabbajack only made things worse.

I didn't waste a second. "Oh fuck. Fuckity fuck nuggets on fucking dick toast fried on a Sunday!" I cursed, my voice rising in panic as I scrambled to shove the Wabbajack into my inventory.

The moment it disappeared into my storage, I slumped back in my chair, trying to calm my racing heart. My hands were still shaking as I stared at the table, my mind reeling.

Kazuma broke the silence, his voice flat and dripping with disbelief. "What… the hell just happened?"

"I don't know!" I snapped, running a hand through my hair as I tried to steady myself. "I was joking! It was a joke! I didn't think the actual Daedric Prince of Madness was listening!"

Aqua frowned, leaning forward slightly. "Wait, who's Sheogorath? And what's a Wabbajack?"

I shot her a wide-eyed look. "Sheogorath is the Daedric Prince of Madness. The Wabbajack is his staff. It's… it's pure chaos in weapon form. It could turn someone into a pile of gold, or a chicken, or just kill them outright. It's completely unpredictable!"

Megumin's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she leaned toward me. "You mean… you have an artifact of madness in your inventory right now? That sounds amazing! Can I use it?"

"NO!" I snapped, shaking my head furiously. "Absolutely not! No one is touching that thing! It's… it's not a toy, alright? It's a disaster waiting to happen."

Kazuma stared at me, his expression still caught between shock and exasperation. "So, let me get this straight: you made a dumb joke about cheese, and now you've got a cursed staff from some insane god of madness?"

"Pretty much," I muttered, slumping forward and resting my forehead on the table. "This is my life now."

Kazuma sighed, rubbing his temples. "You weren't kidding about the whole 'weird fantasy world' thing, were you?"

Megumin, meanwhile, was still grinning, clearly entertained by the chaos. "Husband, you've got such interesting connections. A staff of madness… it suits you."

"Don't encourage this," I groaned, my head still on the table.

Aqua looked at me like I'd grown a second head. "You're seriously freaking out over a little magic staff? You're supposed to be some overpowered adventurer, aren't you?"

I shot her a glare, sitting up straight. "Aqua, if you knew half of what that staff could do, you'd be freaking out too. Trust me, this isn't something to take lightly."

She shrugged, clearly unimpressed. "Sounds like someone needs to loosen up."

Kazuma just groaned again, rubbing his temples harder. "I don't know how much more of this I can take…"

I sighed, leaning back in my chair as I tried to regain some semblance of composure. "Alright, new rule: no more jokes about cheese wheels. Ever."

Megumin snickered, clearly amused. "But what if it happens again? Maybe next time you'll get something even cooler."

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I swear, if he shows up again, I'm blaming you."

Kazuma muttered something under his breath about "crazy adventurers" as we all settled back into an uneasy silence, the chaos of the moment slowly fading into the background. But one thing was certain: I was not making any more jokes about Sheogorath. Not if I wanted to keep what little sanity I had left.