September 6th, 1800
...
My greatest fear is that one day I'll wake up and become one of them.
You know, one of those people you see on streets and you pity them every time you have to look at them because there's nothing much you can do but feel sorry for them. It's what I do, I'm always sorry for those people who have lost their sight, their smell, their families, some of them have lost everything. I can't imagine losing everything, that would be the end of me.
Where else would I be without my fortune? Who else would be here to support me if not my family? If I lost everything... If I was one of them, one of those people, I don't know, I can't, I just can't be like them because... I'm not one of them, and I'll never be.
Those are the kind of people you hear about in conversations and everyone, I swear, everyone says the same thing, it's like they don't know what else to say. It's all the same, they feel sorry for them, they pity them, they give them money and food and prayers, I guess it's what all of us should do because there are those, I won't name them, but you know there are people who do not offer anything to, uh, those people, and I can't blame them for being, well, who they are.
If you want to help one of the unfortunate ones, then you should. Just do it if you can. We talk and talk and talk, but none of our words do much to ease the other's suffering. We try, even if we don't have to. I guess it's because we can sort of relate to the Burmecian tragedy, or whatever it was that took place in their homeland and not ours, because that wasn't war. My husband agrees, it wasn't war, it's something that ran out of control and it left both sides of the conflict with a sour taste in the mouth.
There was no victory for anyone, only losses; countless losses, so why is it that we insist on keep fighting if it won't solve anything? We're trapped in this vicious circle and there's no way out. I don't understand, but maybe there's nothing to be understood. It's just how things are since the beginning. You could say that if God, in his omnipotence, is watching us from afar yet so close, then maybe he enjoys what his children do here on Gaia, he mocks his creation by letting us destroy each other, but I disagree. God weeps at his children who ravel in bloodshed. He weeps at those who prefer sorrow over joy, he sheds a tear whenever we choose suffering instead of happiness.
But we refuse to listen, as much as it feels like God himself won't listen back to us.