Chapter 10 - Perfect - part 2
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Cuddy enters the PPTH main door in one of her usual power suits, her business bag in one hand. The day didn't start in a good way since she went home very late the night before, she had just a few hours of disturbed sleep and her alarm clock has chosen the worst moment to not going off. She has to thank her inner clock or she would be late for her Board meeting.
She stops to the nurses counter to sign a few papers and looks around. It's supposed to be House's first day back at work, but, if he's there he's nowhere to be seen. Not that she thought of meeting him in perfect time in the parking lot or in the hospital hall anyway.
She hurries to her office and she takes off her jacket, then hanging it up on the coat rack near the door. She stops as soon as she places her bag on the desk, and for a moment she just stands there, motionless, staring at the paper cup of coffee on it.
She instinctively turns and looks around and then beyond her office window door. None is there obviously. There's a chance it's a try of her very new assistant to make a good impression... or maybe it's just a try of her old assistant to apologize for his betrayal instead. There's even a chance that the same assistant drugged that coffee, to give her a true payback. In any other moment she wouldn't have trusted her luck, but she skipped breakfast and she really needs a good dose of caffeine.
Her hand reaches out for the paper cup and she savors for a second the warmth warming the palm of her hand, then she peels off the plastic lid and takes a little sip.
She closes her eyes and a smile plays on her lips.
Not the black coffee she uses to take from the hospital cafeteria. Not the one with a drop of milk she uses to have in the morning, at home. This is a cappuccino, double coffee, no sugar. The same she used to have at College time.
She looks up at the ceiling at the feeling that the awareness triggers in her stomach. Isn't she too old for butterflies in there? But... how is she supposed to be indifferent? And is there the little chance she can not falling in love with this kind of House?
She stops again at the train of her own thoughts. She's clearly making fool of herself. Because she knows she has been attracted to him even before of his accident. His smart and sharp mouth has never been a problem for her. As much as she is aware she would have fired everyone else for a sexual comment about her ass or breast. House instead... he intrigues her... he arouses her... and his innuendos just stimulate and trigger her ego. But things never went beyond that between them. She isn't scared by him being a complicate man... she isn't afraid of a complicate relationship (didn't all her relationships be complicated after all?)... she's afraid of the consequences on her job if things go bad between them.
A knock on the door awakens Cuddy from her thoughts and she turns, meeting Dr. Taub's look.
"Anaplasmosis" he says meeting his boss' boss' questioning gaze and handing her the patient's folder.
Cuddy's lips part as she leafs through the papers.
A rare bacterial disease. The team has been on that case for days, finding themselves in front of a tangled bundle of wires, from which they couldn't make heads or tails of.
"We didn't find the tick bite, but there's a good chance it was on his scalp" Taub says anticipating Cuddy's question "He's already on doxycyclin"
"Good job," she nods "I'm sure Foreman has good reasons to be fulfilled now"
Taub's crooked smile takes her attention.
"If Foreman were fulfilled -" Taub stretches the last word, almost separating it into distinct syllables "- he would be here to gloat, Dr. Cuddy"
She doesn't reply, but Taub can read Cuddy's 'what?' in her eyes. Exactly like she can find her answer on Taub's face a second later.
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House doesn't look up as soon as he feels Cuddy's presence on the differential door room.
"Very good job" she says at the team, meeting Foreman's eyes (together with his inexpressive face), then Thirteen's and Kutner's, and finally stopping on House's face. He looks up this time, but he just stares at her, his hands still intent in solving a Rubik's cube instead. He quickly turns it between his hands and then he puts a perfectly solved cube on the table in front of himself. He watches it for a few seconds then he reaches out for the cube again, messing it up and throwing it to Kutner.
The Indian guy just looks at the colored faces of the cube and shakes his head.
"In 80's I still was in kindergarten" he chuckles, passing it to Thirteen.
"Barely born" she chuckles in turn.
Foreman looks at the toy as soon as it gets pushed toward him. He tries a couple of moves, rotating the layers here and there and succeeding in having three red squares in a row, but far from solving it.
"Never been good in speedcubing" he says, and he places again the cube on the table.
House's eyes meet Cuddy's and she rolls her eyes. Her features don't betray her, but House can bet she's keeping back a smirk.
She reaches out for the cube and turns it between her hands, then holding the cube with the white center cube facing up. She quickly creates a white cross on that same face, then she begins rotating a layer, and then another one and another one. Sometimes clockwise. Sometimes counterclockwise.
"I'd like to have the same attention on myself every time I give a lecture" She says, finishing another face of the cube and glaring at Kutner, his jaw hanging and a wonderment look in his eyes.
"Fuck! Whoa" The doctor says as Cuddy finishes the last face of the cube. She throws it back to House and he catches it with one hand. Cuddy's head turns to give a scold to the young doctor "Cool! I meant 'cool! Dr. Cuddy" he corrects himself with a smirk as Cuddy meets House's smirk instead.
She licks her lips as her lips curl up lightly.
"House. May we talk for a minute?"
He nods and stands up as she gestures him to follow her in what was (and still is actually) House's office.
"You're still good at that" he says, launching in the air the cube still in his hand and then catching it again.
Cuddy chuckles.
"It just means I'm older than your team members, House, and that Alzheimer didn't hit me yet" she says, still smiling, realizing just in that moment that she just said 'your' team, and not Foreman's team. He's still the Chief of Diagnostics... it doesn't mean if he didn't have his license back yet. Foreman is just a replacement, and the last case set it off loud and clear "You're still good at that too" she teases. Obviously she isn't referring to the cube and he gets it.
"The symptoms were already all there. I just put them together, Lisa"
"Oh-ho" she laughs at his being so out of character "And now you're telling me that, as far as you remember, you straight out from recent studies and had your Infection Diseases examination a few weeks ago" She rolls her eyes and laughs again, meeting House's amused look.
"Technically it's exactly like this" he smiles
"And you solved in a few hours a case your- er... the team has been on for days"
House just stares back at Cuddy's eyes.
"It's like this toy," he glances at the cube in his hand "the solution is in there. Nothing more than an algorithm. They just weren't looking at the clues from the right point of view"
"Ok," she nods and her tongue runs on her lips "Can't you just gloat over it and be full of yourself?"
He smiles shaking his head.
"Are you sure you want me to be another pompous ass. You already have one" hHouse nods toward Foreman, still in the other room.
"Well, House, you are-" she stops and her lips close for a moment, then they open again " er...were... pompous,"
She looks down and chuckles at her own hesitation. How can she explain it? He's always been full of himself and irritating sometimes, but fascinating, intriguing, interesting. And a genius in his job. There's no way he can be compared to Foreman. Not yesterday, not today, and not in a billion of years.
"Just pompous? Not an ass?" he pushes, teasing her.
"Just sometimes" her eyebrows lift and her teeth bite on her lower lip as she holds back a smile from growing larger.
"I'll take it like a compliment" he smiles back.
.
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"You," Wilson points his index finger to House as a large smile plays on his face "You, paying for your own food," he shakes his head, clearly making fun of his old friend "it can really be counted as a neurological damage, you know?"
House sighs, but he feigns to ignore him, taking a couple of fries and putting them into his mouth.
"It could be count as a neurological damage when I offer you the lunch, Wilson"
Wilson lets out a chuckle and nods at House's reply, and his hand reaches out for the seatback in front of himself, then sitting down in the chair at House's table.
"Foreman showed me your patient's file," the oncologist says taking in turn a frie from House's plate as he looks up at him this time "It's surely a blood cancer. Probably a chronic lymphatic leukemia. He'll run some test to confirm it and start chemotherapy"
House's eyes stare at him, then suddenly moving beyond Wilson's shoulder as he instinctively turns his head in turn, looking in the same direction.
"House!"
Cuddy stops near their table, giving him an exasperated and annoyed look. She inhales deeply, doing her best to not yell at him. She sighs, and she focuses on keeping her own voice low. The last thing she wants is to make a scene in the cafeteria during rush hour.
"I've been in a phone call with the patient's wife" she massages her temple, not averting her eyes from House's "Did you really convince his husband to refuse chemotherapy?"
House just holds her gaze.
"It's not leukemia" he replies in a serious and low tone as Cuddy's eyes move to look at Wilson and then again at House.
She sighs again, again controlling the tone of her voice.
"Weight loss, fever, fatigue and night sweats. Hepatomegaly and splenomegaly, bilateral inguinal lymphadenopathy and diffuse mesenteric and iliac lymphadenopathy. And anemia" she lists, to confirm the diagnosis "It's leukemia"
"It's an hypochromic microcytic anemia. No leukocytosis, nor leukopenia nor lymphocytosis. Normal toracic XR. He needs a retroperitoneal lymph nodes biopsy" he gives her a very piercing look as she rolls her eyes at him.
"Risking to give him a massive internal bleeding?" She quickly replies "There's a serious risk of aortic or cava damage"
"Yeah," he nods "So, is it better for him to have his immune system destroyed? If it's an infectious disease, Foreman will kill the patient because of his arrogance! He's an idiot if he ignores that! And you're an idiot if you let him doing that!"
Cuddy's eyes widen and she gives him an exasperated glare.
"Oh," she exclaims with a bitter and sarcastic laugh "what about your arrogance instead?" she adds "You're the one who's gonna kill the patient if you convince him to refuse therapy"
House stands up at those words, taking a step toward her, towering on her as she does her best to fight her instinct (once again), not taking a step back.
He looks right in her eyes as she holds his look.
"ESR is four times the normal value. RP-C is 244 mg/l. And he came in the ER with dyspnea and abdominal pain. Do you know what that means, Dr. Cuddy?"
She holds her breath at House's tone. At the sound of what is an ironic 'Dr. Cuddy' from his lips.
Wilson just looks from the one to the other one, not even trying to interfere in one of their umpteenth fights about a case. Just the first one after House's accident.
"It's not tubercolosis, nor mononucleosis or toxoplasmosis" She replies in a firm tone.
"So you still have to exclude brucellosis, leishmaniosis, Q fever," He sharply replies in turn as she can't help but swallowing this time "I can go on, Cuddy. But the answer is in that biopsy, and you know it, exactly like I do"
Cuddy holds House's piercing gaze, crossing her arms in front of her chest, but she doesn't move an inch despite the 6,2 ft man still towering over her... then she nods.
She doesn't look away till she turns to leave.
She stops on her feet after a couple of steps and she runs a hand in her hair, then turning to House again.
"What do you think it is?" She says in a serious low tone but with a softer look.
House's look softens in turn.
"Tropheryma whipplei" he calmly replies as she gives him a look which is a silent 'really?', but she doesn't ask anything else "Give a look to the patient's skin and scars. They're darkened in the areas exposed to the sun" he adds answering her unspoken question.
It fits. Dyspnea, chronic cough, intestinal malabsorption which leaded to anemia and peripheral edema, diarrhea, abdominal pain, weight loss, fever and fatigue. Even the skin darkening in areas exposed to the sun and in scars. No one has paid attention to it... none but House.
Cuddy nods again, bites on her lower lip and turns to leave.
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Cuddy hears the door opening, but she doesn't look up from her papers.
"Are you here for gloating?" She asks, still not looking up at him "He'll need 2 weeks of cefriaxone and another two months of trimetoprim-sulfametoxazolo. But he's already improving. Very good job, House"
He doesn't answer at the hint of a smile which lightly curls up Cuddy's lips, and for a few seconds he just holds her look.
"You know I don't think you're an idiot, don't you?"
Cuddy lets out a genuine laugh this time.
"Do you think you hurt my self-esteem?" She replies with a smile "Believe it or not House, I'm well used to your attitude"
He holds her gaze and he gives a little nod.
"Since I feel like the idiot one in here, may I make amend at least?" He asks in the most natural tone "Wilson says there a new pub serving a great unfiltered craft beer"
Cuddy's lips part at House's words. She's more than used to his rude attitude. She's not so used to this kind of new attitude instead. It's disarming. It's charming and endearing. And she feels vulnerable. Exposed. She spent years to build a solid armor to protect herself, and yet she can feel that armor cracking.
For a moment, on that same day, she had felt to be near the usual House. Their argument in the cafeteria had felt so similar to the many ones they had had for years, since she had hired him at the Princeton Plainsboro Hospital. She's fully aware of the sexual tension between them. It's always been there. It's exciting and intriguing. But... having sexual fantasies about someone and wanting a serious relationship isn't the same thing.
"Are you really asking me out for having been rude in asking me that biopsy?" She asks with a sort of incredulous look in her eyes
He looks down for a moment and shakes his head, then looking up at her again giving her a smirk. One of his so fucking sexy crooked smile.
"It doesn't sound good in that way" he says with another smirk "Never mixing work and... well, whatever comes after it" he gives her an amused and somehow intrigued look "It's half past seven, at least two hours past your scheduled working time. I'm not asking the Dean. I'm asking you"
Cuddy chuckles at the embarrassed look in House's eyes and she locks her lips, lightly biting on her lower lip for a moment, then quickly releasing it.
"It's not a good idea, House" She says lifting both eyebrows.
"Are you afraid of me, Lisa?" He asks in what is clearly a joke, in turn lifting his eyebrows to give her a mischievous and teasing gaze.
...I'm more afraid of myself
She doesn't say it out loud and just holds his stare.
"I've asked you out for a beer, it's never been enough to get you drunk. It's not an attempt to get in your pants. Well, maybe it is. But... not tonight"
She smiles, nodding in amusement at his words, but looking down at her own crossed hands.
She's tempted to accept, but again it's something too perfect to be real. She can't do this to him. Nor to herself.
"I'm sorry, I really have to work late"
He nods. Not an annoyed nod. Just a nod. He stares at her and just says 'goodnight then', then heading to the door.
She looks as he disappears beyond the glass door of her office, and she keeps to look at him as he walks throughout the Clinic hall and exits the hospital sliding doors.
She'd like to let herself go. But she can't. This 'new' House is too perfect to be real. Because it isn't real. The perfect mix of the smart, strong, stubborn diagnostician she has known for years and the reliable, secure man she would like to have at home every night. Colleagues at work, lovers at home. Such a man can't really exist.
The events of the day come back in her memory, like in a white and black film.
He didn't give in to her. He'd fought for his patient like he always did. No matter if that meant to give her a reminder that he is the diagnostician in there and she has to trust his opinion... or go back to just assigning parking spots, sitting on her bureaucratic ass.
She can't help the little smile which plays on her lips at that thought, and she taps her pen on the documents on her desk.
...Focus, Lisa, or you'll be here all night.
Stubborn and annoying and irritating and cocky... and yet, so fucking intriguing and fascinating. She would make fun of herself if she doesn't admit he's much more that just that. Handsome and sexy and...
...For Christ sake, Lisa. Stop it!
The knock on her door forces her to really stop the train of her thoughts.
She looks up in the dim light of her office. Her desk is lighted up by the lamp, but it's dark outside. None is in the Clinic anymore and the light in the hospital hall and corridors is dim, in nocturne mode.
"Dr Lisa Cuddy?"
She nods at the delivery guy on her door. From the cap on his head it's clearly a guy from the bistrot down the street.
"Your order, ma'am"
He says putting a paper bag on Cuddy's desk.
"I haven't -"
She's about saying that there has to be some sort of mistake and that she didn't order anything from the restaurant, but the guy gently stops her with a hand gesture.
"Have a nice dinner, ma'am" he just says, looking at her as she politely nods this time and reaches out for her purse. After all she hasn't had dinner yet and she has just realized she's quite hungry.
The boy stops her, gesturing that the bill had already been paid.
She watches the guy as he exits her office and she bites her lip at the smile which plays on her mouth.
An avocado and smoked salmon sandwich. And a bowl of tomato salad. A water bottle and... a beer.
There's no message, but she knows it's from House. It can't be from anyone else.
And her smile grows larger.