Hey,

I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 7. I'm nervous for you to read Chapter 8, I wrote this chapter three times from scratch and to be honest, I don't feel like it's my best but I still like it. This one is actually the longest chapter I have written so far. It's at 10K words... Wow. But, I hope you enjoy it! I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, self-doubt, worry, worthlessness, implied sexual abuse, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 8: I Don't Have Doubts

"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." ― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

10:49 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I stared at my reflection, grimacing at myself. I sighed looking away quickly, trying to figure out how in the world I was going to tame the rat's nest on my head. I didn't even know how so many knots had happened in so little time. I glanced at my phone, debating on whether or not my mom was busy. She usually ate lunch around twelve, and as far as I knew she wasn't doing anything today. I sighed, pushing the thought as far as I could, I didn't want to bother her. I could handle my hair disaster and she didn't need my anxiety of going to hang out with friends. I eyed the mirror, grabbing my brush starting to get to work. I put my brush down when Jay barged into my room. "We talked about this," I murmured, frowning at his bashful look. It didn't matter how many talks I had with him, he still forgot to knock and it was driving me up the wall.

"Sorry. I was just letting you know that Leah is gonna pick me up soon. I have some stuff that I want to talk to her about." Jay smiled, coming to stand behind me. I sent him a small smile, happy that he was talking to her about how he was feeling. He set his hands on my shoulders, taking my brush. I was about to tell him not to bother, but he started brushing my hair. I closed my eyes, pushing away the memory of mom doing the same. My eyes shot open when he accidentally hit a tender spot. He sent me a guilty smile. "What are you gonna do today?" I stared at him through the mirror, seeing his hair styled to perfection. He looked so much like dad, I felt a pain in my chest. "What? Are you upset that I'm going to talk with Leah?"

"Of course not. I'm happy that you have someone to talk too," I grabbed his hand, so he didn't think I was upset. "You look so much like dad," I smiled, hoping that he didn't doubt my words. "I just didn't realize how much you've grown up."

He rolled his eyes, pulling the brush through my hair softer than he was before. "You're not upset about Leah?"

"No, I'm glad that you have someone to turn too." I smiled seeing the rat's nest start to calm. I tapped my fingers against the vanity, wondering if I should tell him who I saw yesterday. I decided against it, not wanting him to stress about that jackass.

"You didn't answer me. You usually like to sleep in until twelve," He ran his fingers through my hair, pinching my ear lobe playfully. I loved the rare moments like this. "Rys?"

I fixed my hair, so it parted down the middle. I smiled when it reached my ribs, I had finally gotten it to where I had wanted it. Alex had told me to cut it shorter a few months ago, but I always loved the thought of having lengthy hair, even though it got tangled easily. "I'm going to the beach with some friends." The thought of having more than one friend had me feeling a little bit giddy.

Jay nodded, sitting at the edge of my bed, messing with my blanket. I turned in my chair, running my fingers through my combed hair. "Is Paul going to be there?"

I bit my lip, trying my best not to fidget. I could still feel his forehead pressed against mine and his warm breath on my face. I wasn't sure where Jay's thoughts were since we had talked about him last. I wasn't even sure if he knew Alex and I weren't speaking. "Yeah, he invited me." I glanced at him, trying to read his body language but he wasn't giving anything away. "Jay, something on your mind?"

"I'm just worried, sis." He said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I know you don't want to hear it and I'm trying to be open-minded. But I'm nervous."

I got up from my vanity, patting his leg as I sat next to him on my bed. I laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm through his. "I am too," I admitted, knowing that I could trust him with my doubt. "But I want to take a chance. I think there is more to him than what everyone believes."

"What if there's not and you get hurt. I almost lost you when dad died and I can't lose you again," Jay rested his head on mine. I had been a mess when dad died, and I had forgotten about my little brother. When he died I wanted to follow, I didn't want to live without him. I understood where Jay was coming from, but I had seen a side to Paul that made me want to know who he really was.

"What if there is?" I grabbed his hand, holding on to it tightly hoping to be optimistic. "Have a little faith in me," I lifted my head, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm stronger than I look," I said, knowing that he didn't believe me when I heard his huff. I eyed him, knowing that I had failed in being the strong one for him. I had allowed him to grow up quickly when dad died and become the caretaker of me and it wasn't fair. He didn't deserve that.

"What does Alex think," Jay moved away from my arms, crossing my room to stare at my wall of photos. He pulled one of Alex and me in middle school. I glanced at it and I found myself missing who I used to be. I had been lucky to have Alex, I knew not many others would've put up with me. I owed everything to him. "I can't believe I'm even asking you about him," Jay scoffed, tossing the picture on my desk. I didn't understand why he disliked him so much.

"He isn't speaking to me right now," I sighed, trying to be patient with his anger. I wanted a chance to apologize to Alex. We have been friends for so long and I didn't want to lose him. "I ignored him and he isn't too happy with me." Jay clenched his teeth together, sitting on my chair. I let out a deep breath deciding to try and ask him why he was so angry at Alex."Jay, why don't you like him?"

He froze and I wasn't sure if I had just made a mistake for even asking. I didn't want to fight, but I needed to know. I wanted to know why my little brother was harboring anger for my closest friend. "I have my reasons. But I can't tell you."

I gritted my teeth together, ignoring the frustration that wanted to burst at his dismissal. I wanted to respect his wishes, but he started to dislike him a few months ago and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what changed and every time I asked he shut me down. "Can't or won't?" His eyes snapped to mine and I could see how distraught he was. It wasn't the emotion I had been expecting and he caught me off guard. Jay hunched over, tugging at his hair harshly. I panicked when I realized he was shaking. I moved quickly so I was kneeling in front of him. Gently I pulled his hands from his hair, I could feel the stickiness of whatever hair product he used. "Jayden breathe."

He inhaled sharply, holding onto my hands tightly. "He's not good for you. He never has been. Don't go back to him." I frowned holding onto his hands, trying to figure out what the root of the problem was. But my mind was turning up blank."Please just don't." I faltered seeing the hurt in Jay's eyes. What did Alex do that caused him to react this way?

"Did he do something to you," I asked, feeling my stomach drop when he let out a shaky breath. I was trying to prepare myself for the worst case, and I was terrified of the answer. Did I let someone I trusted harm him? Had I been too careless about who I brought into our house? "Jayden, sweetheart. Tell me please." He faltered, his hands continued to shake in mine. Talk to me.

"No." He denied, shaking his head. I stared at him, searching to see if he was lying. Jay met my eyes, "No he didn't."

"Then what is it Jay," I asked semi-relieved to find out my worst fear had been shut down. I still wanted to know why Alex caused this bad of a reaction, "I...I don't understand."

"Sister, please don't go back," Jayden tried to grab my head, but I pulled away still trying to figure out why. "Just trust me this once." I let out a deep breath, unsure of what to do. I stared at him, wanting him to just tell me what was going on. I was about to tell him that I couldn't just drop my friendship, but I faltered when I saw him struggling. I pulled him so that he was resting against me as I used to when we were younger and our parents had been fighting. I would hold him close and reassure him that everything would be alright. I ran my fingers through his hair, hating that I drove him to be this upset. Maybe I pushed too hard. "Jayden, just breathe." I pressed a kiss to his forehead holding him tighter.

"I know I'm not telling you anything, but I just need you to believe me." He murmured, bringing his hand to wipe his face.

It was hard to just go off nothing, but if it drove him to be this upset, I needed to trust him."Okay." I sighed, letting my hand drop from his hair. I still wanted to know why he was this upset, but I trusted my brother. I didn't think he had a reason to lie to me. "You are my brother and I will put you before anyone." I got up, holding my hands out to pull him up. He closed his eyes, setting his hands in mine. I tugged him up, guiding him into the chair. I spun it, looking at his messy hair. I grabbed a comb to try and fix his masterpiece. "It's going to be okay," I mumbled, still curious to know exactly what Alex had done. "I want to know what brought this reaction on. Maybe not now, but soon." Jay froze, not daring to look me in the eyes as he dug his nails into his fists. I reached over him, placing my hands on top of his. He stared at me, and I could see the build-up of tears that he was holding at bay. He blinked letting a few tears fall and I knew then that I had to cut it off. If it drove him to tears, it was a serious problem. I would do anything for my brother, I promised as much when I held him for the first time. "Block everything from him and I'll handle the rest." I wiped his cheeks, pulling my little brother into a hug. "I would like you to see a professional about all of this. I know you don't like them, but I really think that you need someone," I whispered, knowing that there was a possibility of him refusing.

"Okay," He breathed, holding onto me tighter. I expected him to shut it down, but he didn't and that worried me. What the hell had occurred between the two? I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to deal with the fact that I had to back away from someone I trusted and I had no idea why Jay was so adamant about it. He pulled away, wiping his face again.

I smiled at him, brushing my fingers across his cheek. I needed to step up, he needed me and I would not fail him. "It will be okay," I reassured him, even though I felt like I had been doused in ice water. "You said you were gonna go with Leah, so c'mon. Let's fix your hair." I spun his chair around, looking at him through the mirror. He deserved more from me. I slowly started to work through the tangles, keeping my face calm. I could feel his piercing brown eyes, and I knew he was waiting for me to crack and beg him to know why, but for now, I was going to respect his space. "Do you want me to cancel today?"

"No, it's okay," He started fiddling with his long sleeves.

I looked in the mirror, seeing that I had styled his hair similar to what he had. "There," I set the comb down, hearing a horn honking. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew Leah had him. I dusted away the imaginary dust on his shoulder, sending him a small smile. "Don't stress, have a good time with Leah, and talk to her about whatever you need too. Everything will work out, alright?" He nodded, standing up brushing his shirt down. "If you need cash, pull whatever you need from my account."

Jayden moved quickly as he tossed his skinny arms around my shoulders. He hugged me tight and I swallowed hard at how much my baby brother had grown. He easily towered over me by two inches and I just wanted him to stop growing. "I love you. Thank you for trusting me."

"Always," I smiled, feeling his words warm my heart, "I love you too. So much."

11:29 a.m. Inside the Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I stared at the photos on my wall, taking the ones of Alex and I down tossing them into an old shoebox. The last time I had seen my brother with tears in his eyes was the day that mom left, and since then I had never seen him cry. Whatever had happened was a big deal to him and I didn't want him to see reminders of Alex whenever he came into my room. I jumped when my phone started ringing loudly. I grabbed it from my bed seeing Kim's name pop up. I smiled, thankful for the distraction as I answered it.

"Laryssa, answer the door will you," She said and I could hear the slight pounding.

I rolled my eyes, I had already texted her that it was open. "If you had read my text you would know it's already open." I laughed when I heard the front door open and the phone hung up abruptly. Kim peeked her head through the door a few moments later, her face falling when she looked at me.

"Laryssa we are leaving in fifteen minutes and you're not dressed," She eyed my outfit skeptically. I glanced at her outfit, wishing I looked good in shorts like she did. Kim was beautiful with her long dark hair and kind eyes and I paled in comparison. I thought I looked fine in my dark leggings and white off the shoulder loose knitted sweater. Granted it wasn't something you wore when it was sunny but I was feeling like crap and I wanted something comfortable.

"I have to change into some jeans," I offered, hoping that would appease her for right now. Maybe if I wore my ripped jeans, it would be more beach-worthy.

"It's sunny and warm," Kim sighed, tossing herself on my bed. "Why are you wearing a sweater? Not going to get into the water?"

I stared at her like she had grown a second head. The water was freezing, even if the weather was warm. "No. Are you going in the water?"

"Oh yeah," Kim said, ruffling through my pictures. She had way more guts than I did. "What are you doing?" I had promised myself that I wasn't going to bring it up and ruin the day. I wanted to tell her so badly to see what she thought. I was so close to Alex and Jay that I needed someone to see past the emotions.

I kept my mouth shut, pulling out my ripped jean capris. I changed into the quickly, trying to think of a reason why all of my photos containing Alex were currently being shoved in a box. "Rearranging."

She sat up, eyeing me like she didn't believe me. "Something happened?" Kim was a good people reader and right now I wished she didn't have that gift. I bit my lip, trying to scramble for a reason not to tell her. "Laryssa?"

"I'm reevaluating my friendship with Alex," I sighed, getting it over with when I couldn't think of anything. I was a bad liar and I didn't want to lie to Kim. "Something happened between Alex and Jay, but Jay won't tell me what. He just asked me to stay away from him," I sat on the bed, tugging my shoes on.

"Something bad," Kim moved so she was sitting right next to me.

"I think so. But it left a bad feeling in my stomach and it's bothering Jay. He started crying and he hasn't done that since mom left for New York two years ago," I rushed out, the words leaving a bad taste in my mouth. "I trust my little brother and he wouldn't lie to me."

"What two years ago," Kim shot to her feet, causing the box of photos to fall off my bed. She glanced at it wincing, "I know your upset about your brother, and believe me I want to know what's going on but two years is a long time for your mom to be away."

I smiled at her, it was part of what I felt. Two years was a long time, but we were used to it."I know Kim," I sighed, bending down to pick up the photos. "I think it's better if I hold the relationship at a distance."

Kim stared at me nodding, placing her hands on her hips. "How are you feeling?"

"I just…" I looked at my hands. I was furious, hurt, confused, and frustrated. I wanted to take him and knee him where the sun didn't shine for making my little brother like this. But most of all I wanted to know what the hell happened. What caused this horrible riff? "Kim, I'm so freaking lost right now." I wanted to cry, to yell and scream until I couldn't anymore. But I couldn't, I needed to be strong and prove to my brother that I would handle it and he didn't need to protect me.

Kim plopped next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I'll help you through the maze."

I let out a breathy laugh, knowing I didn't deserve her friendship but I was extremely lucky to have her by my side. "I'm so grateful that I fell on the track that day." I thought back to the day I fell and how embarrassed I was because the other girls had laughed at me instead of helping me up. Kim pushed through the other girls and offered her hand to me, pulling me up so I walked beside her and away from the giggles. From that day our friendship had started.

Kim laughed, poking my cheek. "Me too. Those girls were mean."

I nodded in agreement, "Please don't mention this to anyone." The last thing I wanted to be was for this to blow up and ruin my new friendships.

"I won't," Kim promised, hooking her pinky through mine. I got up, pulling her up with me. I pulled her into a quick hug. She hugged me back, "Let's go have fun for a while."

12:05 p.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

I walked beside Kim, looking up at the sun. It was nice to feel the warmth on my skin, instead of the bitter chill. I almost wished that I wore a shirt instead of a sweater. I grinned when I heard the yells from the guys playing soccer. I glanced over at the guys, excited to hear them laughing loudly. I faltered when I noticed Paul was shirtless. The sun's rays highlighted his tan skin making it look smooth and golden. I swallowed hard when I realized that I had been intimately pressed against him yesterday and how he made my skin tingle pleasantly. I winced when Paul shoved Embry to the sand.

"Em's gonna have a bruise," I winced again when he shot up shoving Paul playfully. Paul shoved him back and before I knew it they were wrestling in the sand. I couldn't help but smirk when Paul was winning.

Kim laughed, running to jump on Jared's back. I slowly trailed after, stopping beside Jacob. I sent him a small smile, hoping that he was okay that I was here. He narrowed his eyes, turning to stare back at his friends. "Why are you wearing a sweater? It's hot."

I pulled on sleeves, feeling the cool breeze on my skin. "It's comfortable," I said, relieved that he was at least speaking to me. "You were playing soccer, of course, it's gonna be hot," Jake smirked, rubbing the sweat from his head wiping it on my sweater. "Gross," I shoved him, frowning when he didn't move an inch. "God, you weigh a ton! What is Billy feeding you?" There was no way he was getting this big off of TV dinners and the small meals Bill knew how to make.

"Laryssa," I glanced away from Jake, seeing Paul jogging towards me. I tried hard to keep my eyes on his face, and not let them wander down his body. He was attractive, but I wasn't going to look at him like he was a piece of meat, even though I wanted to. I felt my face heat up when Jake bumped my shoulder with a laugh as he joined the others. I slid my sleeves up trying to get some kind of cool air and I knew I had made a grave mistake wearing a sweater. I was going to die of heatstroke. "You made it," He grinned, wiping his face. I watched his muscles flex and I almost melted into a puddle of goo. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and I had made the mistake of following his hand. I stared at his impressive six-pack for a few seconds before I looked away quickly hoping he didn't see me openly gawking at him. I shoved my hands in my back pockets so I didn't dig my nails into my palm, "Look." He held out his phone showing me a picture of my painting on a wall. It was hanging at the center of the wall.

Warmth flushed throughout my body and I found myself grinning at the fact that he hung it up proudly. When I sent my art out, I never knew what happened to it after my buyers got it and it was nice to see it displayed proudly. "It looks great."

"Yeah, it does," Paul put his phone away, beckoning me to follow him over to the group. I walked beside him, his arm brushing against mine. "I'm glad you came," He murmured, looking out at the water. I stopped, sliding my shoes off so I could feel the warm sand against my feet. I eyed the two surfboards that were standing proud in the sand.

"Thanks for the invite," I grinned, hoping that I would get a chance to see him surf. I wanted to see if I had done him justice by capturing him right. "So are you gonna surf today?"

He smirked pushing his hair back and I fought the urge to stop and stare at him. He was so freaking attractive, it should've been illegal to look as good as he did. "I'm not sure, I want to spend time with you." My eyes snapped to his to see if he was joking. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," He backtracked, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck.

"No, it's just-"

"Laryssa!" Kim yelled, waving for me to go to her.

I held up my hand silently telling her to hold on, not wanting there to be a misunderstanding between Paul and me. "I was curious about w..why?"

"Why I want to spend time with you," Paul asked, turning so that his back was facing the group staring at the two of us. When he blocked them I felt better that I couldn't see their faces and I was able to focus on him and not on everyone else. I nodded, hoping that I didn't offend him. "Why wouldn't I?" I could think of a plethora of reasons why not. I shrugged, holding my shoes closer to my chest. "I want to get to know you, Laryssa. Outside of our project. Is it so wrong to want to spend time getting to know a friend?"

I swallowed hard, feeling like I had swallowed a mouthful of sand. Friend. Of course, I had foolishly dreamed that I would be something more than a friend to him. Why did I allow myself to hold him, to touch him when I couldn't do it again.

"I'm new to making friends," I offered, sending him a smile. It was a stupid crush, and I would get over it. I had to if I wanted to be friends with him. "I should go see what Kim wants." He frowned, nodding when I brushed past him scurrying to Kim. She patted the sand next to her, smiling at Jared when he kissed her cheek lovingly. "Hi Jared," I greeted, trying not to let my hurt show. It was my own stupid fault for having the crush. God, I was an idiot.

"Laryssa, remember it's a stress-free weekend," Jared pointed at me before he gestured to the beach. "Relax!"

I laughed at him, nodding as I sat down. "Will do," I tried to push away my stress and enjoy the moment. I closed my eyes feeling the cool breeze on my heated skin. I would've been cold if I had just worn a shirt. I listened to the guys returning to their game and Kim and Jared giggling to each other. I cracked open an eye when I felt a warm arm brush against mine and the sand next to me shift under a new weight. Paul sent me a small smile before he stared at the water. I pulled my knees to my chest, trying not to think of the tingles I was feeling from his arm.

"Laryssa!" I glanced at Embry holding up a frisbee. I furrowed my eyebrows at him wondering how in the world he thought I had good hand-eye coordination. I shook my head at him, knowing if I joined I was going to get hit in the face. "C'mon!"

I rolled my eyes before standing up. Paul glanced up at me, it looked like he didn't want me to leave. I sent him a tense smile, as much as I wanted to sit with him, I wanted to try new things. I dusted the sand from my pants, trudging over to Embry. I held up my hand, quickly tying my hair up. "I have bad hand-eye coordination," I told him so he didn't make outrageous throws and help me make more of a fool of myself.

"I'll go easy on you," He grinned, tossing it gently so I could catch it. I felt giddy when I caught it easily, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"How nice of you," I smiled, gently tossing it back. "Did I miss anything important yesterday," I asked, watching him dive to catch it. "Dramatic."

Embry snickered, tossing it gently. "A worksheet. We have a test next week." I caught it again, tossing it so that he didn't have to dive. "I'll give you the study guide." He jumped up, missing the frisbee by mere inches as it soared over his head. I laughed, covering my mouth when he narrowed his eyes at me. "It's on!" He cackled, like a mad man.

"Wait no," I tried to smother my laughs, wishing I had a white flag to surrender. He tossed it and it went soaring over my head, hitting Paul in the back of the head. I bit my lip, hearing Embry's laughter quiet down. I bit my lip trying to stop the grin that was threatening to spread across my face. I ran towards the frisbee, stopping when Paul turned to glare at the two of us. He grabbed the frisbee, flinging it at Embry. I winced hearing the plastic connect with Embry's skin. How did he have a good aim?

Paul laughed, moving to stand. "Think that's funny Laryssa?" I shook my head, covering my mouth to smother my smile. He stalked towards me and I turned running letting my smile grow. I looked over my shoulder, squealing when I realized he was gaining on me. I pushed my legs harder, knowing there was no way I was faster than him and I had to be strategic. Just as I was about to turn and dodge him, warm arms picked me up twirling me around. I laughed, grabbing onto his shoulders as he spun us in circles. "Do you give?" I nodded furiously, trying to smother my laughter.

He set me down, laughing with me. "I didn't think it was going to hit you," I admitted, staring up at him with a grin. I stepped away when I realized how close I was to him. "I-" I froze when his arms reached out wrapping around me, keeping me so that I was close to him. Friends didn't hold each other like this.

"I was asking you out that day in the gym," Paul murmured quickly, staring at me. I blinked rapidly, trying to wrap my head around his quick confession. "I don't want to pressure you into dating me or being uncomfortable around me. That's not why I'm telling you."

"Why are you telling me," I asked, wincing at my voice sounding small. He clenched his jaw, his arms tightening around me. "I don't understand."

I couldn't break my eyes from his. I felt like I was in a trance and I didn't want to break away. His eyes were so expressive and I wanted the chance to capture them so I could stare at them forever. "I wanted you to know where I stood and I feel like you deserve to know. But I understand, if you want to just be friends. I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all."

I let out a breath, my head was spinning at his words and the feel of his body pressed tightly against mine. I could feel every muscle on his stomach as it pressed against mine. His arm twitched every now and then and I felt faint from his touches. I had wanted it to be a date after what happened yesterday, but I knew he could do so much better than me. He deserves someone who was confident in who they were, who didn't have insecurities. Someone who was on his level and I was far far below. "I'm not worth it," I breathed, hoping that my words would wake up the part of him that knew I wasn't worth it and he would come to his senses. As much as I wanted his body closer to mine, I couldn't think straight. My mind was telling me to push him back so I could try and think clearly, but my body didn't want to obey the commands.

Paul's eyes widened, and I could see the shock flash across his eyes. He shook his head, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes relishing in the feel of his rough fingertips against my cool skin. "Don't say that… You are worth it," He breathed, pressing his forehead against mine. My eyes shot open as I stared closely into his. I could feel my heart pounding wildly at his words. My selfish thoughts started to take hold and I didn't want to fight them, but I knew that I should. "When you called me an ass," He laughed, his fingers lightly stroking my back, sending tingles along my spine, "I wanted to know you. No one dared to call me an ass, even if I messed something up. And there you were, holding your ground against me with your head held high. Glaring at me with your beautiful brown eyes." I looked away from him, hating that my cheeks started to warm up. I needed to pull away, but I couldn't find it in my heart to do so. It was scary when I realized how alive he made me feel. I craved his touch after yesterday, and I didn't understand why it felt so nice to be held so intimately. "When I'm with you I feel like I'm at peace." I felt it too. When I was with him, it felt easier than what I was used to. Everything seemed bearable. Since he had seen so many of my mishaps, I was comfortable with him seeing me in such a vulnerable state."If anything, I don't think I'm good enough for you."

My eyes snapped back to his and my hands moved on their own accord gripping his arms tightly. "Why?" He was the opposite of what everyone had assumed. Everyone saw him as an angry ass, but he hadn't been like that with me. He was patient and kind. "Is it because of the gossip at school?"

"I have a history of being a sleazeball and being an ass," He sighed, pulling his forehead away from mine and my body mourned the loss. I stared at him, seeing how willing he was to be vulnerable to me. His fingers were still trailing along my back and my body was going into overdrive with all of the sensations flowing through me. "Why do you think you aren't worth it?"

"You helped me through a panic attack after knowing me for a day or two at the most, I think that automatically disqualifies you from being an ass in my book," I offered, sending him a small smile. "You haven't been a sleazeball to me," I murmured quietly, letting my fingers trace circles onto his arms. My eyes closed when he rested his head against mine.

"I'm relieved to know that I'm not considered an ass or a sleazeball to you," I could hear the grin in his voice. I opened my eyes when I felt his hand on my cheek. "Can you tell me why?" I knew he wanted me to be vulnerable with him and I was terrified. Being vulnerable was scary. It was giving a part of yourself to someone, hoping that they wouldn't use it against you.

I had told myself multiple times that I wanted to take a chance, but saying it and doing it were two totally different things. I stared at him, searching to see if I was making the right choice and my gut was telling me that I was. "I'm an insecure broken mess, Paul," I whispered the dreadful words out loud. "You don't deserve that." His finger wiped away a tear that I didn't know had fallen, holding my cheek so softly as if I would break and I wanted nothing more than to press my cheek further into his hand.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that," Paul smiled, stroking my cheek. I stared at him, wondering why he wasn't running for the hills like any normal guy. "I don't want to push you into anything you don't want, but I want to date you."

I felt him lightly touch my skin as if he were afraid that if he put more pressure he would scare me. I took his hand, ignoring his look of surprise when I held his hand. For the first time in a long time, I knew what I wanted to do and my choice scared me, "and if I take a chance?"

His brown eyes met mine and I could see how nervous he actually was. I could feel my heartbeat rapidly in my chest as I waited for his response. "You won't regret it," Paul murmured earnestly, leaning closer to me so his nose brushed against mine. I sent him a small smile when his arm tightened around me.

"I want to try." I had never been in a situation where someone wanted to date me and I wasn't sure what to expect. "I haven't been on any dates," I said, feeling embarrassed at my lack of experience.

"It's nothing to be nervous about," Paul reassured quickly, tucking my hair behind my ear. "You set the pace and I'll follow you."

7:35 p.m. Chiago Driveway, La Push, Washington

I glanced up at the sky seeing the sun slowly starting to disappear behind the clouds. It had been nice while it lasted. The lack of sun didn't deter my happiness. I still wasn't sure if the events today actually happened. "You're quiet."

I looked over at Paul, staring at me as he put his truck in park. He looked worried, "Just thinking about when we will see the sun again."

"Hopefully soon," He grinned, the worry starting to ease off his face. "Maybe then you'll come to join me to surf."

I laughed, knowing there was no way that surfing and I would get along. "I'll spend most of my time attacking the water." He laughed, turning in his seat to face me. I looked at him, smirking when I realized he had sand on his face. I leaned towards him, freezing when I heard his intake of breath. "You have sand on your cheek," I murmured, trying my hardest not to back away. I had touched him on the cheek before and I told myself that it was going to be okay. I reached towards him, brushing his cheek gently trying to get rid of the sand.

He caught my hand, placing my hand in his. "Are you sure you're okay with today?" He sounded unsure and it didn't seem like him. I found it endearing that he wanted me to be at ease with him. He had cared enough to make sure I was comfortable.

I bit my lip, loving the way his hand felt. My body was still in overdrive because of all the different sensations. "I'm nervous. But I still want to try." I swallowed hard when I realized maybe he wanted an out. "Are you?" I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. If he wanted an out, then that would've been the best few hours of my life and I would have to get over it.

"I'm more than okay with today." He smiled, looking down at our hands. "I just wanted to ask. The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable." I still managed to flush at how thoughtful he was being. "You'll tell me if you get uncomfortable?"

I squeezed his hand, "Yeah." I glanced at my house, seeing the curtain move. I smiled, knowing Jay was watching. "I should head in," I murmured, slowly letting go of his hand. I paused, letting out a small sigh. "If you start having doubts. You'll tell me, right?" I didn't want to ask him, but I would've been a fool not too. I couldn't meet his gaze, because I was afraid of what I would see.

A warm hand cupped my chin, gently tugging my head so I was staring into deep brown eyes. "I don't see that happening, but I will." I could see the honesty shining through his eyes. I closed my eyes when I felt his thumb brush against my chin. "Your brother is peeking at us through the window." I opened my eyes looking up to the window seeing Jay, staring at us intently. Ever the protector. Normally, I would've felt embarrassed and frustrated but I knew he was being overprotective. "I'll let you go," Paul brushed his thumb against my chin one last time before his hand dropped.

I sent him a small smile, getting out of his truck. "Drive safe." He grinned, nodding to me. I shut the door, jogging to the porch, watching him back up. Jay opened the door, watching me as I entered. "How did it go with Leah?"

He closed the door, crossing his arms as he stared at me. "She's in the kitchen." I nodded setting my things by the door. "Things go well at the beach?"

"Yeah," I smiled, taking my shoes off. "It was nice." I listened to him sigh before he trudged to his room. I watched him go before I headed to the kitchen. Leah had her books spread out across the table, and she sent me a grime smile when she saw me. "Studying for an exam?"

Leah nodded, closing her textbook eyeing the empty seat across from her. I let out a small sigh, moving to sit down. "Jay told me about this Alex kid." I stared at the table, letting my emotions from earlier rush to the surface. "I'm not going to tell you. He wanted to be the one too, but from what Jay had to say. It's better if you just let him go." I shoved down the frustration and the hurt that Leah knew before me. I had told Jay that I was okay that he was talking to Leah and I wasn't about to go back on my word. "He just doesn't know how to tell you. But he will soon."

"Is he okay," I asked, hoping that she would tell me that at least.

Leah stood, moving so she sat in the chair next to me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulder, tugging me so that I rested against her. "No, but he will be. He mentioned that you were going to get him into a professional?" I nodded against her, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "Good. It will help him." I glanced up at her, turning my face so that she didn't see me cry. What happened that was so bad that Jay wasn't doing good and I had to cut off my longest friendship? I wanted my dad, more than anything. He would know what to do to make everything better. Her hand rested in my hair, "It's gonna be alright."

I wanted to believe her, but now I wasn't so sure. "Will you help me with Alex," I asked, unsure how to break away from him.

"Jay told me that you guys weren't speaking right now," Leah said, running her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes listening to her calm heartbeat. I understood why Jay went to her, she was calming and steady.

"We aren't," I confirmed, thinking about all the ways this could play out. "But what if he wants to talk and then what. Do I just tell him, I can't do it anymore?" It was difficult for me to go off hearsay. I was conflicted, I loved my brother and I trusted him and if Leah believed him then I shouldn't be second-guessing this.

"I think you'll know what to do when the time comes," She murmured, sighing heavily. "How was the beach?"

I knew she was trying to change the subject and I didn't have the heart to try and continue. I was going to have to figure this out myself. I would take the comfort she offered. "It was really nice." Now that I was able to think about it clearly, it still brought a smile to my face. Even with everything going on with Alex and Jay, it felt nice to have something happy to think about.

"What's that smile for," Leah pulled back, letting my hair fall from her fingers. I peered up at her before I sat up.

I didn't know exactly how to tell her that I agreed to date, Paul. I wished that I had spoken about it to him more, as in what dating meant. "I have someone who's interested in me and it's not someone I would've expected."

"Paul," Leah asked, standing up abruptly shooting me a disapproving look. I faltered, wondering why she was suddenly so pissed off. "Laryssa what did I tell you yesterday?" I almost rolled my eyes but caught myself. "Don't make the same mistake I did," She whispered brokenly. I had been there when the fall out happened between her and Sam. I had seen her scream at the top of her lungs before she broke down crying. "Be smart."

"Leah." I watched her start packing up her books. "Leah." She set her books down angrily, staring at me with her face blank. "I don't feel like I'm making a mistake. It's just going out on dates and getting to know each other."

"It never feels like a mistake at first…" She trailed off, hauling her books into her arms. "Then dating turns into more." I followed her to the door, pausing when she stopped. "It's always nice at first. To feel wanted and cherished. Reality will always strike Laryssa. I hope you're prepared for it." She yanked the door open, letting it close behind her.

Was I so weak that everyone decided that they knew what was best for me? I curled my hands into fists, wanting to strike something. I closed my eyes trying to pull in the frustration, this was my life and I was the only one that was going to live it. "Sister?"

"Yeah," My voice came out steady as I released my fists.

I turned to face my little brother, hovering by the kitchen. His huge sweatshirt dwarfing his frame made him look younger than he was. "Are you upset because I told Leah?"

"No," I answered honestly. He deserved an older sister to share concerns with and I knew I wasn't that person for him. It was my own fault that he didn't trust me and I was going to change it. "I want the best for you. I'm glad you have someone to trust and confide in," His eyes softened before he launched himself at me. I stumbled against the door, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I held him against me tightly, wishing that I could take all of the negative emotions away and leave him happy. "Did you eat?"

"I'm not hungry," He mumbled, pushing his face into my shoulder. I nodded, patting his back, not daring to let go until he did. "I heard you and Leah." I let out a small sigh when he finally let go. Part of me didn't want to release him. "Will you tell me about the beach?"

I eyed him wondering why he was having a change of heart. "C'mon, I'm hungry. We can talk as I made something." Jay nodded, shuffling towards the kitchen. I followed after him, smirking when he pulled himself up on the counter. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," He replied, swinging his legs back and forth. I nodded, pulling the jelly out of the fridge. "I want one too." I laughed, knowing PB & J was his absolute favorite and he couldn't resist. "White bread though."

I pulled down the peanut butter and white bread, trying to figure where he wanted me to start. "Kim picked me up and she drove me to the beach. We met up with the others," He handed me a butterknife, pulling out paper plates, "I had given Paul a painting yesterday and he showed me that he had hung it up." I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my face.

"What painting," Jay asked, starting to open up the peanut butter. "He was here yesterday?"

I nodded, pulling out my phone to show him the painting I had been working on. "Yeah, he was here for a while. I was inspired by his hobby." Jay grabbed my phone zooming in on the picture I had taken.

"It's a nice one," Jay locked my phone, setting it on the counter, grabbing one of the sandwiches. "He hung it up?" I took a bite, wrinkling my nose at the sandwich. I wasn't a fan of grape jelly. "Nice way to get me to eat."

"I heard your stomach growling and I knew you couldn't resist," I laughed, leaning against the counter slowly chewing past the disgust. "Yeah, he had it hanging on a wall. It was the center."

"Really," He asked, taking the other half of my sandwich. He pulled out another two pieces of bread, spreading peanut butter on it. "What else happened?"

"I played frisbee with Embry and we accidentally hit Paul in the back of the head," I bit into the peanut butter sandwich trying to smother my smile.

"Did he get angry," Jay asked, tensing up, setting his sandwich down.

"No, he started laughing," I said, remembering how he chased me. I could feel his arms around me, twirling me around. Jay relaxed, picking up his sandwich. "I agreed to date him," I watched him freeze at my words. He tore his sandwich up, taking smaller bites. "It's just hanging out and getting to know each other."

"Are you happy," He asked, setting his plate to the side, staring at me.

"Yeah, I am." I took another bite, tapping my fingers against the counter. He rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to meet my gaze. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"Can I meet him," Jay started swinging his legs back and forth. "I think I should. Since he can't ask Pop for permission. I'm the next best thing."

"What," I coughed, setting what was left of my sandwich. Jay smirked at me, picking his food back up. "Permission?"

Jay rolled his eyes, shoving the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. I grimaced at his mouth full of food. "Pop always said when you were going on a date, the person who was going to take you out had to ask his permission to be with his Pretty Girl." I faltered, trying to recall when dad had said that. "I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."

I rolled my eyes at him, pushing his head playfully. "You're such an old man." He laughed, finishing off the rest of this food. "Can I ask how it went with Leah? Or am I being too pushy?" I wanted to know why he had a sudden change of heart.

"We ate and talked. It was nice," He smiled, grabbing my plate and tossing it in the trash. "She really helped me out and she told me that she thought it was a good idea that I was gonna see someone." I nodded, feeling my phone buzz in my pocket. "I'm going to tell you soon, it's just hard." Jay murmured after a few moments. "I know that he's your best friend, but he's not who you think he is." I frowned, pouring a glass of water. "Thank you for trusting me."

I set my glass down, pulling myself up on the counter. "I'm not going to lie, Jay, it's hard going off of nothing and I wasn't sure what to do at first, to be honest." I faltered rubbing the rim of the glass, unsure if he wanted to know what I was thinking. "But, when I saw you cry Jay I knew that whatever Alex and I had doesn't compare to you and I. Whatever the issue is it's something that deeply bothers you and that's not okay with me. I love you more than anything."

"I love you, Rys." Jay rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up so that it was standing up wildly. "I'm tired. I've had a long day, so I'm going to go to bed." I jumped down, walking towards him, wrapping him into a hug. I licked his cheek, laughing when he shoved me off with a disgusted look on his face. "Nasty!"

"Night," I called when he disappeared out of the kitchen. I pulled myself back on the counter, feeling relieved with my talk with him. I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket, smiling when Paul's name flashed on my screen.

Paul: I got home safe. And I still don't have doubts.

Paul: Was your brother upset?

I bit my lower lip, feeling giddy at the simple text messages. I locked my phone, tapping my nails against the screen before I downed the rest of my water. I pressed the glass against my cheek trying not to fidget. I chuckled to myself unlocking my phone trying to figure out what I wanted to say.

Laryssa: No… Just a bit protective, he wants to meet you... If you don't mind.

I jumped down from the counter, washing my glass and the butter knife quickly before I began to lock up for the night. I rounded the house, fixing the pillows on the couch, making sure the screen door was locked. I turned the lights off, humming to myself as I glanced down at Jay's door seeing the light off. I stopped at his door, closing my eyes waving my hands over his door. "Bad dreams, go away. Good dreams, here to stay." I whispered the mantra three more times before I touched his door drawing a heart on the white door. "Sweet dreams."

I slowly backed away from his door, walking towards my room. I opened the door, groaning quietly when I saw the mess of pictures beside my bed. I felt my phone buzz, and I had to stop myself from pulling it out right away to look at the message. Patience. I bent down, starting to gather the pictures, shoving them in the box. I picked up one of the photos, grinning when I saw Paul in the background. The only thing different about him was his lack of toned muscles. He was still wildly attractive, and his smile was still the same. I sat on my bed, trailing my fingers over his face. He was grinning wildly with his arms tossed around a girl who had light brown hair. From the way the photo was taken, I couldn't quite see her face. I held the photo closer to my face, trying to figure out who she was. I shook my head, setting the photo on top of the others. I pulled out my phone, unlocking it quickly so I could see what he sent.

Paul: He's a good brother if he's protective. I don't mind at all. Anything for you.

Paul: I want to meet him.

I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, as I reread the message. Anything for me? I let out a breath, gnawing on my bottom lip again. He wasn't even in front of me and I was still blushing. I set my phone down, moving to my dresser to pull on a tank top and night shorts. I wasn't going to get overheated, in my sweater. I dressed quickly, tying my hair up into a messy bun.

Laryssa: I'll let him know that you're up for it. He can be a bit much though… fair warning.

Paul: Nervous?

Laryssa: More like mentally preparing for the embarrassment.

I yawned, stretching my arms up. I picked up my phone when it started buzzing rapidly. I tilted my head when I saw Paul's name flash across my screen. I held down the green button, placing my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," his voice was deep over the phone. I set it on speakerphone, sitting at my vanity starting to do my night routine. "Why would you be mentally preparing for embarrassment?"

I snorted, slapping my hand over my mouth. "I know my little brother and he is the king of trying to embarrass me," I explained, holding in a yawn.

"Yeah,' Paul murmured, and I could hear shuffling on his end. "Should I be nervous?"

I pursed my lips, pretending to mull it over. "I'm tempted to say yes to see you nervous, but I think I'll let you off the hook this once clumsy."

He barked out a laugh, causing a smile to overtake my face. "One time Laryssa… I'm nervous all the time around you." I imagined him rubbing the back of his neck.

"That one time brings me joy," I laughed, forgetting my night routine going to lay on my bed. I stared up at my ceiling focusing on the constellations, "You don't have to be nervous around me." He breathed out a chuckle and shivers when up my spin. "What are you doing?"

"Laying down, staring up at the painting you made. Did you enjoy watching me surf," Paul asked. I set my phone on my pillow next to my ear.

"Yeah," I murmured, happy that I had managed to do him justice. "You were pretty great, it seemed as if you belonged on the waves." He did look great on the water, it was as if he'd been in his element. "You really like my painting don't you?" It was flattering that he admired it.

"It's the first real gift I've gotten," Paul whispered, causing a shiver to roll through my body. "I like it because it's how I think you see me." I stared at my phone, wishing that I could see his face and look him in his endearing brown eyes and tell him that it's how I see him. I didn't understand what he meant by a real gift. "You don't see me as an angry ass or as a manwhore. I'm just a guy on the waves finally at peace."

I grinned sitting up, feeling my heart swell at his words. "I was nervous to show you…" I trailed off, pulling my hair out letting it fall onto my shoulders. "But you have no idea how relieved I am that you like it so much." Drawing someone without their permission felt like I had intruded into their lives without their say so. It was intimate for me, and I didn't want to take away their right. "What I painted was how I was starting to see you. Today just solidified it."

"Me attacking the water a few times did the trick right," Paul asked teasingly, I could hear the smile in his voice. "One day, will you let me teach you? Or at least just wade in the water with me?"

I giggled, thinking about the few times he had fallen into the water. "It's been a while since I swam," I was scared of accidentally drowning in the water, "but, I wouldn't mind wading." I tapped my fingers on my thigh, "I'll let you teach me."

I heard the sound of something being slapped against skin. I laughed quietly when I heard his quiet curses. "Shit, sorry. I dropped my phone. I'm a good teacher, promise."

"I guess I'll just have to see," I smirked, letting out a yawn.

"Tired," He questioned, as I laid on my side settling my phone back on the pillow.

"A little bit," I fought off another yawn, not wanting to get off the phone with him. "You?"

"Somewhat," He answered. "I'll let you go."

"Alright," I tried to keep the disappointment from my tone. I was tired, I just didn't want to be by myself. "Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams Laryssa," Paul said quietly. Just as I hovered over the end button, I heard his voice."Laryssa?"

"Yeah," I asked, staring at the phone. My fingers trailed circles on the back of my phone case.

"I still don't have doubts." I pulled my phone closer to my chest, feeling my stomach start to swirl pleasantly.

"Me either."

Let me know what you guys think!

Edited on May 14, 2020.