It was difficult for Bella not to feel-out of-place loitering in front of a freshman dormitory she did not live in. Every time a group left the building, she received a long, pitied look for being the loser all alone on a Friday night. I'm not all alone, she couldn't explain to any of the onlookers, I'm meeting with friends! Bella braved the discomfort for a full twenty minutes before two faces she recognized emerged from the locked double doors and hurried toward her.
"I think it's going to rain!" Jessica fretted, already under an umbrella despite the dry sky.
Bella glanced up at the clouds. Light and wispy. "It's not."
"You never know, Bella."
"Jessica's worried about her hair," Angela explained. "I don't know why." She plucked a wayward curl between her fingers and tucked it back into place on Jessica's behalf. "It always looks so pretty."
Angela was Jessica's roommate. Not only that, but she and Jessica shared almost all the same classes. They were both elementary education majors with minors in photography. She attended the second lunch with the girls and was the only one to attend all the meals that followed. Bella liked Angela, though she spoke less. She took the phrase, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all to heart, only ever speaking to contribute a positive affirmation or a compliment to the conversation.
"That's because you've never seen it wet," Jessica said. "Believe me, I look like a drowned poodle."
"Shall we go?" The three girls planned to go to the Honor's Society Mixer that evening. Charlie was thrilled at the idea of Bella attending her first college party. She didn't have the heart to explain to him that something hosted by the school wasn't going to have the drama that he envisioned.
"One sec," Jessica checked her phone, "Did Lauren say she was coming?" she asked Angela.
Lauren was Jessica and Angela's third roommate. She had come to half of the lunches this week. Bella secretly hoped she would cut her attendance in half again. She was one of those people who decided brutal honestly was a quirky personality trait she couldn't avoid. She teased Jessica for her thick curls and Angela for her glasses. Bella was on the brunt end of her snark most of all.
"No," Angela answered, also scrolling through her phone to check her messages, "she said she had better things to do."
Bella maintained a neutral expression. She wasn't sure what the group consensus was on Lauren, but she didn't want to stir the pot between roommates if they were simmering together just fine.
"Okay, so let's go."
The mixer was held in one of the many student centers around campus. On the walk over, Jessica launched into a minute-by-minute playback of her day while Angela and Bella trotted along either side. The girls arrived too early; a few things were still being set up. They eyed the snack table neatly lined with individual bags of chips, cookies, and juice boxes, and decided against it. Jessica said there were better snacks in their room if they felt hungry later in the night.
As the hour slowly ticked by, the room filled up. Bella recognized a few people from class, but no one recognized her. Jessica and Angela waved to people that lived on their hall. Small parties of two or three would join theirs, have a brief chat with Jessica, and move right along to the next group. They made a few rounds, like that. In between conversations, Jessica regaled Angela and Bella with stories from her hometown.
Halfway through a story about a new girl who stole her boyfriend, something caught Jessica's attention. She stopped, stomped, and stared. "There he is, ladies. The biggest tragedy on campus."
Angela and Bella turned, curious as to who would have earned that title. Bella craned her neck, but couldn't see past Edward sitting alone at a bar-height table. Surely, she wasn't referring to Edward.
Jessica sighed dramatically. "The sexiest guy in the world. The personality of an old sock."
"Edward?" Bella asked, trying to figure out how the personality of an old sock could be twisted into a compliment.
"Yeah," she quirked her head, making her curls bounce, "Did you try to talk to him too?"
Bella nodded. "We were paired up for an assignment."
"Let me guess. He sat there with his chin on his fist, supplying one-word answers, and never looked you in the eye, once."
"Edward?" Bella confirmed, wondering if he had an identical twin brother Jessica mistook him for.
Jessica nodded absolutely.
"No. That's not what happened at all. Edward was charming. And sweet. And…" The list could go on, but Bella stopped before she could look like a fool in front of her new friends. "He seemed like a very nice guy."
"Seriously?" The response upset Jessica. "On Thursday, I sat outside in the cold and pretended to talk on the phone. Just so I could walk into the building right behind him and make sure we would be lab partners that day. And that was all I got."
She gestured towards Edward, still all by himself, staring down at his hands folded on the table.
It hurt Bella's heart to see him all along like that. Someone should be with him. The room could use his bright smile and the ringing bells of his laughter.
"I talked to him on Tuesday." On Thursday, he still chose to sit beside Bella without being forced due to tardiness. Their attendance assignment had been independent, and the professor filled up the time allotted with her lecture, so they didn't have time to talk outside of the basic pleasantries.
Angela patted Jessica's shoulder reassuringly, "See? You probably caught him on a bad day."
"I hope so," Jessica pouted.
Bella wanted to say he still took the time to say hello to her on Thursday, but it was a petty, unnecessary comment. Bella needed to squash any jealous sprouts before they could blossom and ruin her newfound friendship. After all, it didn't matter whether or not Jessica wanted Edward. He didn't belong to Bella, and no world existed where he would.
Unable to look at such a face, Jessica insisted they move on. The trio took another lap around the room. At some point, the dingy snack table had been updated with treats from a local bakery. Where the sad snack packs of chips once were, now sat glistening donuts, thick cookies, and luscious cupcakes.
"Now those look incredible," Jessica noted, already moving towards the table.
"Want anything?" Angela asked, before she, too, approached the table. Bella shook her head. "Suit yourself."
Lingering in the doorway, Bella peeked over at Edward. She could approach him. Or bring her group and give Jessica a pleasant introduction. Anything to keep him from looking so entirely miserable. Before Bella could gain the courage to seek him out, her friends returned. Jessica handed Bella a donut stuffed with what looked like a cookies-and-cream filling. "Just in case. That was the last one."
Before she could thank Jess, a random guy shoved past her, causing her to drop the donut.
"Move it, fatass," he grunted under his breath, just loud enough for Bella to hear.
"Hey!" Jessica shouted after the boy. "You're the fat-ass, you big, dumb, fatty!" Her words echoed into the room, heard by no one. She smiled at Bella, obviously pleased with herself for standing up to him.
Angela patted me on the arm, "Don't listen to him, Bella. You're not fat."
Bella smiled at her friends. She appreciated them for what they did, but they missed the point entirely.
She was fat.
She wasn't a chubby side of a size six or delicately curvy. She had a round bottom, large breasts, and a stomach that went with both of those things.
It wasn't like she was unhealthy, either. She ate better than Charlie, who was able to stay slim even as he reached his older years. She ate her daily servings of fruits and veggies and didn't gorge on French fries. Sure, she was unwilling to give up cupcakes and pasta, but why should she have to? So, people wouldn't brush her aside or call her rude names? She shouldn't have to give up food to deserve her dignity.
The entire interaction affected Bella more than she would have liked it to. Her dignity had been squashed, just like the donut on the ground. Even after the girls cleaned up the donut and resumed their rounds, Bella felt dirty, like the cookies-n-cream filling that was still smeared on the floor somewhere.
Eventually, Bella faded from the conversation entirely. Jessica and Angela trotted ahead while Bella slunk behind them, like a clingy house pet. When they struck up a conversation with two boys from their hall, Bella lingered to the side, not in the mood to introduce herself.
Bella's eyes drifted over the crowd. Students chatted happily in small clusters. A large group circled up to begin a game of some kind. Couples lounged together on the couches and squeezed together on the armchairs. Her eyes landed on Edward, sitting at the same bar-height table he was before. Still sullen. Still all alone.
Bella interrupted Angela's conversation briefly to whisper in her ear that she would be right back. She asked if Bella was alright, and Bella assured her friend that everything was fine. Jessica was too busy twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes to notice Bella's departure.
Bella barely made it through the crowd when a pretty, blonde girl caught Edward's attention. Her heart sank deep into the pit of her stomach. She couldn't even be upset. That was the sort of girl who deserved attention from someone like Edward.
With no desire to return to her friends, Bella swept out the back door. Away from crowds and flirting and Edward Masen.
oOo
"I think being goth this time around was the perfect choice." Alice declared.
"You look ridiculous."
Alice shot Edward a look from the bar-height table she and Jasper occupied across the room. Carlisle requested they attend the Honors Society Mixer to study the mannerisms of current college-aged students. It had been twenty years since any of the siblings pretended to be this young, though they were technically the same age as their current peers and not their previous colleagues.
All five vampire siblings sat in their respective corners, watching how the students interacted. They never wanted to seem too hipster, or too old-fashioned. Apparently, Alice decided she was above being inconspicuous. Her black clothes were striking, as well as the graphic black makeup against her unnaturally pale skin. Jasper matched, whether he wanted to or not. Though his black clothes were nothing more than a T-shirt and jeans.
Edward hid his mouth behind his hand and muttered under his breath, "You could not look more like a vampire. I give us a month before enough rumors force us to leave."
"No, see. That's what makes it the perfect choice. No one would expect a vampire to dress like this. It's too obvious."
"Hidden in plain sight," Rosalie agreed from Emmett's lap. The couple was curled up on a ratty armchair in one of the many vignettes sprinkled around the room.
"She's right, Eddie," Emmett added, "Remember that time in Miami I told people we were Immortal Demigods? We got to walk around shirtless and sparkly, and everyone thought it was some elaborate joke."
Edward frowned. It was true. People assumed the effects of their vampirism was body glitter. Because of Emmett's lies and swagger, he and Edward attended a music festival on the sunny beach, unbothered.
Defeated, Edward retreated into his corner.
As the crowd grew, Edward's siblings engaged in conversations with students, picking up common vernacular that they would discuss and share back at the house. From Edward's lonely corner, he watched their body language. Most people took out cell phones and stared at them at every lull in conversation, which was new and of note. Sometimes they would scroll through their phones in the middle of speaking with someone. Sometimes, the entire conversation was centered around scrolling through one phone, together. Edward would never become popular enough to need social media to keep up appearances, but his siblings might. He wondered how that would work, and how often they would have to scrub their accounts.
"Eddie!" Emmett's voice cut through his internal musings. Edward checked to see if he was speaking out loud or in his mind. It was tough to tell the difference in the dense crowd. Emmett's mouth was closed, but his voice continued, "The girl from Spanish heading your way."
Edward straightened in his seat and scanned the room. Surely enough, the blonde girl from Spanish class wove through the crowd to get to Edward, trying to seem coy. Edward felt Emmett's hopefulness as he recalled the conversation they had on their first day. Edward would love nothing more than to turn his head and pretend he didn't see her, but Emmett wanted him to try. Perhaps it was his pleasant conversation with Bella making him overconfident, but Edward followed his brother's advice. He made eye contact with the girl and smiled.
She had dressed up for the mixer. Her hair was down, her face made up and she wore a tight, little dress under her flannel similar to the tight little dresses worn by the girls around her. Edward was certain Rosalie had clocked this trend, but filed it away for later on her behalf, just in case.
"Edward, right?" she pointed like running into him was a coincidence and not part of her very deliberate plan. In fact, a group of her friends were off to the side watching the entire interaction, so they could analyze his behavior in detail. Edward tried to ignore them, but it was difficult with all six of them thinking his name and studying his face.
"Hello."
She placed her hand on her chest and introduced herself again. "My name is Audrey."
"Yes, I remember," Edward lied. "Lovely name. Like Hepburn."
She grinned. Off to the side, her friend internally congratulated her for bringing his attention down to her cleavage. Hearing that thought, Edward pointedly brought his attention back up to her eyes. Between that and the group of boys passing by with the same song stuck in their heads at different intervals, Edward missed something Audrey had said. He assumed that she thanked him for complimenting her name.
"You're welcome."
Her returning look told Edward that wasn't the answer she had been expecting. He looked in her mind to see what she had said, but she was already thinking how conceited Edward was.
In a poor attempt to salvage his name, he pulled out a detail about her from her class introduction, "You're in the marching band, right?"
It seemed to help. Her smile was back, but she remained skeptical. "Yes. I play the flute."
"I do, too. The flute among others." Almost every instrument, but Audrey didn't need to know that.
Her mind tittered with excitement. One of her friends mistook Edward's half smile for a flirtatious one. He pulled up the other corner of his mouth into a full smile, hoping that one conveyed the correct message. While Edward adjusted his facial expression, Audrey said something. Edward checked her mind only to see himself serenading her with a guitar in front of a fireplace. Again, naked and on his knees.
Managing to not roll his eyes, Edward answered the question she must have asked, "I play the guitar, too."
Somehow, it was the wrong thing to say. Her polished eyebrows pinched together. "What did you say?"
Edward had no idea what he had done wrong. There were no other words in her mind besides jerk. "I don't know."
She stood motionless for a moment, wondering how much she was willing to put up with for good looks. Edward fought to keep his expression light and casual, as if he couldn't hear her comparing his every mistake against his physical appearance. In the end, she decided Edward wasn't worth the effort. "I should probably get back to my friends."
Before Edward had the chance to say goodbye, she stepped away, hoping to get as much distance between herself and him as possible.
"Dude," Emmett chuckled, shaking his head. Jasper was in a losing battle against a smile in his dark corner. It was bad enough that Edward had embarrassed himself, but he had also done so in front of his siblings.
"You know I'm not good at that type of thing."
"You mean talking?" Rosalie clarified, her tone insulting.
It was rude, but true.
"What did I do?"
"I wasn't paying attention," Alice chirped, innocently. A white lie.
"I was," Rosalie would never spare his feelings. In fact, most of the time she went out of the way to make sure Edward's feelings were never spared. "She said she was named after Audrey Hepburn, to which you said, you're welcome."
Edward grimaced. Rosalie grinned.
"Then, after you almost saved the conversation, she told you she auditioned for her first flute solo that afternoon. You responded, I play the guitar, too."
She must have only thought about Edward playing the guitar. Audrey was very good at multitasking.
"And so, sweet, innocent Audrey is telling her friends how you are the most conceited asshole she's ever met in her life."
"Thank you, Rose."
Rosalie lived for these moments—Edward's failures. She was practically glowing. "You are so welcome."
With no intention to humiliate himself further, Edward trudged out the back door. Ignoring the silent protests from Alice and Emmett, he walked far enough until he could no longer hear their voices, then until he could no longer hear any sounds from the party.
Edward looked wistfully out at the mountain range that cradled the campus. Far out in the densely packed forests would be the only place he could find silence. Solitude. What Esme would call loneliness.
As much as he wanted to escape into those woods, Esme would be devastated if Edward didn't return home with his siblings. Alice and Emmett were always meddling in his affairs, but Edward knew Esme was the puppet master pulling their strings. His mother had his favorite siblings watch him like a hawk, pressuring happiness onto him as if it were a drug. So, Edward needed to remain on campus until he could drive home with his siblings and plaster a smile on his face. All for his mother's sake.
Edward collapsed on the bench behind him, careful to hold back to not break the flimsy thing. A gasp sounded to his left. He slid away from the person he terrified and turned to apologize. Just like the first time he saw her, Edward was struck by her beauty. Large lips, slightly parted in surprise from his seemingly sudden appearance. Round cheekbones, rosy with a natural blush. Warm, brown eyes so large they gave away all the secrets hidden in her silent mind.
"Bella? I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
"Hi, Edward," she greeted, shyly. "It's okay."
"How are you?"
She looked down at her hands, twisting and untwisting on her lap. "I'm fine. How are you?"
"Better," he said, honestly. Better than he had been in a few days. Since the last time he got to talk to her.
"I saw you at the mixer."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I thought to say hi, but you looked… busy."
"I wish you had," It would have been a blessing to have been interrupted by Bella. She might have saved Edward from making an ass out of himself. "What are you doing out here?"
"Killing time. If I get home before ten, my dad will get concerned and ask questions."
Edward chuckled.
Indignation pinched between Bella's eyebrows.
"I'm sorry. I'm only laughing because I'm out here for the very same reason. I would love to leave, but if I returned home before my siblings, it would disappoint my mother."
Bella laughed, too. "Wow. Both faking attendance to a school function so our parents think we're social."
"You'll have to add that to the list."
Bella quirked her head.
"The ever-growing list of our similarities."
Bella nodded and giggled. Then, pulled out her English notebook from her bag and wrote the phrase on the first page, under commute from Forks, competitive, and antiquing. Edward appreciated Bella's dedication to the joke. When she finished, she kept the notebook on her lap, doodling on the margins.
"If you want, I can give you back your bench," Edward offered.
"No, no. I like you here."
That made him smile. Edward liked to be beside Bella, as well.
"How many siblings do you have?" She asked, to keep the conversation going.
"A brother and a sister. They're both married, so it bumps their numbers up to four."
"Are you the oldest or the youngest?"
"Both." She raised an eyebrow at the odd response. "We were all adopted. I was the first to be adopted, but I am the youngest in age."
"Oldest in the family, but youngest of the family."
"Exactly."
"Must be weird."
"It's honestly more degrading than weird. Nothing puts you in your place faster than trying to dole out advice only to walk away with your shoelaces tied together and gum in your hair."
Neither of those things ever happened. Vampire siblings were more creative and far more destructive. They ripped off each other's limbs, threw each other through buildings, bought ridiculous stock in each other's names. Of course, Edward couldn't tell Bella any of that. Nonetheless, she laughed.
"What about you? Siblings?"
"Nope. Just me and my dad."
"That sounds nice," Edward mused, thinking of all the nights decades ago when Carlisle was at work at the hospital and it was just Esme and him.
"It is," she mused. "He's my best friend."
Smiling at memories he could not see, she looked so lovely. Her eyes sparkled like the stars in the sky. Edward searched for a polite, casual way to express that. To explain to her that here with moonlight-soaked hair and a serene smile, she dazzled him senseless.
oOo
He looked so beautiful. So beautiful, Bella couldn't bear to look directly at him. She kept her gaze down on the notebook on her lap as she doodled. Careful, not to draw the gaze of the piercing, golden eyes she felt in every cell of her body.
They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the quiet sounds of night. The constant buzz of crickets from the neatly trimmed landscaping. The whir of cars from the highway on the other side of the building.
"Why did you write that down?" he asked, seemingly out of the blue.
She traced under the fresh ink. "I—I'm sorry. It was for the joke."
"No, not that. Dazzled."
"You read that?"
He chuckled lightly at her scandalized tone. "It was my assignment, too. Why did you write it?"
Bella bit her lip. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. Bella supposed she had been thinking of Edward in his anecdote, dazzled by the stars. It stood out to Bella because perfectly captured how she felt in that classroom. By Edward.
The magnetic pull of his mere presence was like nothing she ever experienced. She crushed on boys before. She liked her high school boyfriend. But Edward was something else. They were foil stars while Edward was the fire that made constellations.
Beautiful. Unattainable. Ethereal.
In that classroom, Bella knew would have fallen down a waterfall. For she was dazzled by Edward.
"I couldn't get the image of you falling down a waterfall out of my head," she lied.
"That's a pity," he drummed his knees with his fingertips. "It was the one thing I said that wasn't true."
"You lied," she gasped, feigning horror.
He smiled, seeing through her poor acting skills right away. "I borrowed that story from my brother."
Bella's eyebrows pinched together. Why would he need to tell a borrowed tale? "Why?
"Honestly, I don't know." Bella peeked up from the page to see his golden gaze far away. she would have assumed he was dazzled by the stars if the light pollution from the city hadn't hidden them. "First-day jitters, I suppose. A sad attempt to seem more interesting than I am."
"More interesting? You speak Latin and you're good at darts."
Her sarcasm had the desired effect. Edward doubled over in laughter. Still chuckling, he leaned back, and rested his cheek on his arm draped over the back of the bench. His golden eyes met Bella's, intense despite the laugh that still played on his lips. Bella didn't understand how Jessica could compare Edward to an old sock. Her story must have been an exaggeration. He wasn't anything like the stoic brood she described. He was light. He was kind. He laughed easily, like he was thrilled with each opportunity to do so.
"Why did you write that?" he asked again.
"I told you…"
"No, I understand why you chose that anecdote. I want to know why you would write that about yourself."
Without telling herself to do so, Bella leaned closer to him. So close that her back touched his hand resting on the back of the bench. He didn't move away. Neither did she. He let her get close enough that she could smell him. Sweet and warm and homey, like butterscotch.
The scent warmed her like a cup of coffee. With warm, melty insides, Bella would tell him everything he wanted to know. Dazzled. Yet again, Bella was dazzled. She opened her mouth to tell him as much. That in his presence, there was no other way she could describe herself.
Then, reality hit. He would be appalled if Bella told him that. Bella wasn't hot coffee or sweet butterscotch. She was a donut squashed on the floor.
Bella sat up straight, away from the touch and gaze and smell that turned off every sensible part of her brain. "I can't tell you that."
"Why not?"
Bella supplied a lame answer. "We're strangers."
"I know your favorite color is brown. I know you live with your dad. I know your Christmas cards have already been written."
"A stranger could also know those things."
"How?"
"They could be a stalker."
He laughed. The sound wasn't as full as it usually was. Breathy, a bit uncomfortable.
"Am I not your friend?"
The sweetness in his voice constricted at his heart, coaxing her to look at him again. She fixed her gaze to the center of his forehead, avoiding his eyes. She figured looking at his lips would be just as dangerous as his eyes—if not more—and Bella needed to keep her head straight. "Do you think we're friends?"
"Well, friend has many definitions. First, one that is not hostile. Would you say I am hostile towards you?"
Other than the fact that his mere presence was an assault to all her senses, including common sense? "No."
"That's one tick in the box of friendship. Next, one that is in the same nation, party, or group. We're both in America." He jutted his thumb in the direction of the Honor's Society Mixer, "We came from the same party."
Bella smiled, just a little. "What group are we both in?"
"We're students at Washington State University."
"A second tick."
"Thank you." He nodded his head in gratitude, "Third, one attached to each other by affection or esteem."
Bella didn't want to know how or why he had the dictionary definition of friend ready to recall at a second's notice. She was absolutely attached to Edward by affection. In fact, she would be happier if she was attached to him in every, single way. Before she could come up with a way to joke or tease or lighten the subject in any way, he visibly flinched.
"Edward?" Bella started to ask, but he was already standing up.
He brushed off the front of his pants. "I need to get going."
Bella had no idea where the sudden urgency had come from. She looked around and saw no approaching figure, heard no one shouting his name. Edward hadn't pulled out a phone or wore a watch to check the time. Bewildered, Bella tried and failed to mask disappointment. "Oh."
He offered me a charming half-smile as a condolence. It left her heart racing just as fast as a full smile. "I'll see you on Tuesday. Have a good night."
"I'll save you a seat," she responded weakly. And far too late. He was halfway across the quad by the time Bella thought to speak. She watched him retreat into the darkness. Just as he passed the building where the party was being held, four figures met up with him.
His siblings.
From this distance, Bella could only see their silhouettes. The tiniest of the group held hands with the tallest—both lithe and lean. A stocky bulldozer of a man held a girl with a bold, hourglass figure. Edward trotted towards them, right in the middle. Not the tallest, nor the leanest, nor the most muscular. Perfectly average.
Bella assumed he was the most beautiful.
She couldn't imagine anyone besting him on that front.