Val
It started back at the coffee shop. That was the first time she'd witnessed it. The magnetic pull between them.
As Val made her way out of the restroom that day at the coffee shop her eyes landed on Dylan and Brenda, face to face after 4 years apart. Her first instinct was to walk right up and get him as far away from her sister as possible. After all, that was the reason she came here in the first place. But as she moved forward to step in, she hesitated, sensing the intensity in the air immediately.
Instead of interrupting them she lingered there for a moment. She felt an overwhelming need to see for herself this "amazing connection" that she'd only ever heard about. The way the air apparently 'changed', the longing looks, the insane chemistry. Yes she'd heard all about it. But she'd never seen it for herself...not until that moment in the coffee shop.
That day she took note of the way Dylan nervously shifted his weight from one leg to the other, the way his hands kept anxiously finding their way into his pockets. She'd noticed a nervous excited energy surrounding him that she'd never seen before. Val didn't know him like Bren did but she knew him enough, and she'd never seen him like that before. She watched as Brenda put on her best performance of an unbothered ex-girlfriend. Anyone who didn't truly know her would have probably bought it, but Val knew better. Brenda typically held herself more casually and relaxed than she did then. The way she stood tall with her shoulders back as if in character preparing to give a monologue told Val that Brenda was in actress mode. It's what she always did when she didn't want to show how uncomfortable she was, which meant that in that moment, she felt the need to hide her true feelings.
Val wondered if either of them had even realized that they gradually stepped closer to each other. Every time Dylan shifted, Brenda shifted too. If he moved, so did she. Did they even notice how in tune to each other they were?
Their chemistry was definitely palpable, that was undeniable. It was like a living force crackling in the air between them. As Val stood there in her position as silent observer, she tried to think of a time where she'd seen this between Brenda and Chace, and she came up empty. Sure they had a spark but this was threat level dangerous: explosive chemistry.
Val focused on Brenda's eyes. Her sister was a damn good actress, but no great acting in the world could bring forth such a profound sparkle in her eyes. She'd never seen that look in Brenda's eyes before, not even with Chace. It was the sparkle that only came from a love interwoven into the seams of your soul. Val used to have that sparkle as well, but that was a long time ago. In fact, it was remembering that, the shattered state that she herself was left in when she lost that love, that brought her back to her senses.
Val was no longer focused on the reunion in front of her. Instead she was remembering the dull ache in Brenda's eyes as she finally opened up and told Val everything, the pain still as fresh two years later as the day it happened. The memory of seeing Brenda, who was typically strong and guarded, break down in front of her sent a wave of sadness through her. She remembered every heartbreaking tear Brenda had shed as she cried to her about the pain that had taken root in her heart the day Dylan left her.
That memory was all it took for Val to shake away the trance that their obvious love had placed her in so she could put an end to that farce of a reunion. Because whatever this looked like now didn't matter. What mattered was her best friend. Val saw what she needed to see. She witnessed just how easily Dylan could draw Brenda in, and she didn't trust him.
I'm fine. That's what Brenda kept telling her after that. As if Val would buy that line. She knew she was holding back. Brenda continued her journaling, evidenced by the fact that it kept mysteriously moving around her room. But sure, she's "fine."
Val knew her, and sometimes the best way for Bren to sort her feelings out was to just let her be. Let her pretend. Sometimes her "fake it til you make it" bullshit actually worked. Sometimes it didn't. Val trusted Brenda, she did. She trusted her to know how to handle herself. But she also knew her sister could be stubborn as hell. Brenda needed the pretense of feeling like she was in control. But Val also knew that if she let it go on too long Brenda could eventually break. Well fuck that. 24 hours. That's how long Val had decided she would give her to handle it her way before she stepped in and called time-out to Brenda's avoidance strategy. During that time she wouldn't question her. She wouldn't push or interfere. She would give her time.
Val's decision to go out tonight was for Brenda's own good. She remembered how much Bren hated who she had become after Senior Year. The way she'd stifled her own light. Hid her magic away. Let the force of nature that she was fade into the background. Hell if that would happen with Val around. When the 24 hours were up, she wasn't going to let Bren hide away with her feelings anymore.
Val was surprised that she didn't have to fight hard to convince her to go, but what she really didn't expect was the personal invitation Bren had sent to Kelly and Donna...and David. Val was slightly amused at Bren's obvious concern for her about his possible presence. But to be honest, Val had barely thought about David since she'd arrived. Her skills of disassociating and compartmentalizing were top tier. She was here for Bren. Everything else, including David, took a back seat to that. Val didn't have time for pointless distractions. They used to be in love. He used to love her. But now he didn't. No matter what Val felt, or how much she thought he was her true love, David was married now. He made his choice and that was that. No point in dwelling.
When they walked into the club earlier, Val immediately noticed the guys all sitting at a table together. Dylan's eyes were already on them as they entered, which surprised Val in the amount of ZERO. She rolled her eyes then briefly searched around, spotting Donna and Kelly on the dance floor. Alright, so everyone was here after all. Val was already formulating her game plan. She determined the best course of action was to face them all head on. Look the frenemies straight in the eye, never leave Brenda's side.
Her eyes landed on David momentarily. She couldn't deny the sting that followed, especially at the stupid smirk he sent her way, but she didn't allow her thoughts to drift to him. When it came to building an ice castle around yourself, Val won the trophy every time. Maybe it made her seem "cold hearted" to some, but it kept her safe.
They'd only been there one full minute before Val noticed the first lingering stare between Dylan and Brenda.
Damn it, you two.
This was going to be harder than she thought. And to top it off, not only was she worried about Brenda, but now she noticed Brandon and Kelly getting comfortable together. She tried to remind herself that Brandon was a big boy, but little miss perfect had some weird hold over him that Val could never understand. Their interactions got more bold throughout the night as the alcohol consumption increased. She didn't know what Kelly was after, but she CERTAINLY didn't trust her. Then there was David...making shit weird. Jesus what was it with these Beverly Hills people? Games. All these games. The only reason Val had gotten so good at them was because she had to living here. It was apparently the only language they knew. Can't anyone just be straight forward? Be real and say what the fuck they're thinking? Those were the thoughts lingering in Valerie's mind as she spent her evening running interference. She'd also spent quite a bit of her time dodging David, whose glances at her were becoming more frequent. She tried to ignore them but every now and then their eyes would meet and it was uncomfortable. And she wasn't the only one who noticed.
"So, I dont want to pry. But...you and David...were you two ever...you know?" Annie asked as they sat at their table. Brenda was with Steve and Brandon at the bar, probably taking the opportunity to step away from Val for the first time all night. Val had sent them away with a wink at Steve, letting him know he needed to take up Val's role. He knew what she was doing, after all she prided herself on her non-subtlety. Kelly and Donna had walked to the restroom, leaving only Annie and Janet at the table with her.
"Yeah. A long time ago." She said. Casual and unbothered. As if it meant nothing to her. That was all in the past. Val could hide her feelings better than most. And with Janet sitting right next to her it made her even more cautious. She was Donna's friend after all.
Annie nodded slowly and continued, "And Brenda and Dylan...I'm right in assuming that they are...or were in love, right?" Annie asked hesitantly.
"Gee what gave it away?" Val asked amused. "Must have been all the sparks flying everywhere." She chuckled.
"Yeah, they're kind of intense, anyone can see it." Annie said. "Soooo...what happened?"
Oof. Sorry Annie. That's rocky ground.
Val and Janet looked at each other.
Janet raised her eyebrows and smirked, "Nope, not touching that one."
Val smiled and decided to give Annie the quickest rundown she could without giving too much away. It wasn't her story to tell.
She took a sip of her cocktail before jumping in, "Let's see. Girl meets boy when she's 16 at his high school locker. Boy falls madly in love with girl. Girl thinks she's found the love of her life. Girl and Boy try over and over again but girl can't make it work because turns out boy is defective. Girl moves on." Boom. Nailed it.
Val shrugged as Annie and Janet burst into laughter. "Wow you really paint a picture." Annie said through her giggles.
Janet still chuckling spoke then, "It really is a long story. Steve almost had to draw me a diagram when he explained it to me."
Annie continued laughing, "I see...and Brandon and Kelly?"
Val took another long sip of her drink. "Yeah...they almost got married...twice."
Annie eyebrows shot up. "Okayyyy, but I thought you said earlier that Dylan...or sleaze as you call him, was also with Kelly?
Val shifted in her seat uncomfortably and took yet another sip of her drink. At this point she would be drunk in the next ten minutes.
"Yeah...we might need that diagram after all." She said smartly. Annie and Janet started laughing again.
"Interesting. You really meant it when you said it was a long story. Your group is really...um..." Annie struggled to find the right word.
"Incestuous?" Val snarked. And the three women started cracking up.
At that moment Brandon, Steve and Brenda walked up to the table, noticing all three women in a fit of giggles.
"What'd we miss?" Steve asked curiously.
His wife cleared her throat and answered him before Val could. "Oh nothing. Val was just filling Annie in on the gang's dating history."
Steve nodded and smirked slightly, "I see..." He paused briefly and looked at Bren as if checking to see if she was okay with this, which Val appreciated.
Brenda gave him a nod back and smiled. She grabbed one of the bar napkins off the table and placed it in front of her. "Well shit...we're going to need a diagram. Anyone have a pen?" She asked with a mocking smile.
All six of them started laughing together and were having a great time, Val nearly falling over in her chair at one point. She'd missed this. Spending time with friends where she didn't have to question loyalty. She could see how at ease Brenda was, too. She could tell that she trusted the six people at this table absolutely.
Throughout the night Valerie stuck to Bren's side like glue. The gang shifted between hanging out all together and splitting into their respective groups. She could tell her sister was becoming slightly annoyed with her lingering but she wouldn't back down. Not with sleaze still looking at her every few minutes. Brenda was doing a good job avoiding Dylan for the most part but every now and then they would lock eyes, and each time lasted longer and was more intense than the time before, which only made Val more confused. It made her wonder...why?
What the hell did he want from her? She wasn't as surprised that Brenda was struggling a bit since she'd openly admitted that he was the love of her life. But Dylan...Val couldn't understand what his deal was. He left Brenda. He chose a life without her. And last Val heard he was pining over Kelly and eventually got her back, just like he wanted. Bren was just the obstacle they needed to get passed to be together, right? So why wouldn't he leave her alone? There was clearly more to the story here for him, but in Val's eyes that didn't matter. This was classic Dylan and she wasn't going to let whatever messed up confusion he was experiencing this week derail Brenda from the happiness she'd built for herself after years of pain. Next week he'll be going be through something else and his cycle would continue. Val had no time for that game.
She and David had engaged only in casual small talk when all the gang was present. She avoided him even better than Bren was avoiding Dylan. She allowed herself to relax a little, just enjoying time with her friends and siblings. She hadn't gotten to do that in years. Val was with Bren and Brandon on the dance floor, not actually dancing just catching up and joking, laughing together. Val was hit with a moment of nostalgia and happiness. She hadn't been together with the twins like this since Minnesota, and it made her feel so warm that her ice castle almost faltered a bit. Almost. But when she saw the way the twins suddenly tensed, she followed their gazes and her eyes landed on Dylan and Kelly at the table talking.
It was hard to tell what the situation was with them, they were close and talking to each other but kept stealing looks at Brenda and Brandon. What's their play? Val didn't know, but she knew that seeing them together in any capacity opened up a wound that neither Brenda nor Brandon had ever fully healed from. Their solemn reactions to the display were enough to remind Val that her ice castle existed for a reason. She could block out anything. She could handle emotions that were thrown at her. But her twins?...No, she couldn't handle them in any sort of pain. And the way Brandon's whole mood just shifted was a sign of his distress. Maybe she needed to talk to Kelly? She was no better than Dylan when it came to games and lies. How many times did she claim she wasn't in love with Dylan anymore just for her to break Brandon's heart again with her bullshit inability to let Dylan go. Someone who wasn't even hers to begin with. Nope. Not happening again. She decided then that she would warn Kelly the same way she warned Dylan. She put her arm around them both nonchalantly and led them away from the scene in front of them.
It was about 45 minutes after that moment when the so far mostly drama free hang out turned into a complete dumpster fire. Dylan had kept his distance throughout the night, but Val didn't trust that it wasn't just because she hadn't left Bren's side.
"Bathroom break anyone?" Annie asked the girls as she rose out of her chair. Valerie and Janet both nodded in agreement but Brenda made no moves to get up. Val eyed her cautiously.
"Christ, Val." She said annoyed and rolled her eyes playfully.
Val chuckled. She was overdoing it...a little. "I'm annoying you aren't I?" She asked with a smile.
"Just a bit." Brenda replied humorously, then looked at Annie and Janet. "Can you guys give us a sec?" The girls nodded and made their way from the table.
Brenda leaned in closely and looked at her sister. "Val, sweetie, are you sure this is JUST about me?"
"Of course it is. Well, you AND Brandon. You know I don't trust Kelly not to weasel her way into his head just like I don't trust Dylan."
"That's not what I mean. I mean, are you sure it's just about us and not about, oh I don't know, maybe distracting yourself a little, too?" Brenda's eyes shifted in David's direction.
Oh. She's good.
Brenda was right. Val was throwing herself into her role of protecting the twins, but it worked equally as well for her because in her distraction, she could also avoid David. Win win. Val shrugged at her and smirked a bit, "Maybe a little." There's no point in half-truths. Just as she could read Bren, she could read her equally as well.
Brenda nodded back at her in understanding. "Honey I get it, alright? And I appreciate everything you've been doing. Really, I do. But...you're seriously going to drive me crazy." She said with a laugh.
Val chuckled. "Fine. I know, I know. Just...be careful, okay Bren? It's not you I don't trust."
Brenda smiled at her as Val left the table.
Val couldn't have been gone more than 7 minutes. She was making her way out of the restroom when someone stepped right into her eye line. The blonde hair annoying her before she even opened her mouth. But, what a perfect opportunity.
Just who I needed to see.
"Ah Kelly. Exactly who I wanted to talk to. Mind telling me what the hell is going on?"
"I'm not sure what you mean." Her feigned innocence was already annoying Val.
"Really? The eyes at Brandon? The open flirting and dancing meanwhile you're having meaningful conversations with Dylan and touching all over him all while stealing glances at my dear Brother?" Val asked with raised eyebrows.
Kelly laughed slightly. "Still the same I see. Always needing to stir trouble where there is none."
"Do you really think I'm stirring trouble?" Val plastered an amused expression on her face and crossed her arms in front of her. "Kelly, I don't need to stir anything, you and Dylan do that just fine all on your own. As if Brandon can't see you with his own eyes? If you want to cuddle up with Dylan, you might try being more subtle."
"It's not like that. I'm not with Dylan. We're just friends." Kelly said annoyed now.
"Sure. I've heard that one before." Val rolled her eyes, "Look I don't even really care what the hell is going on with you and Dylan, okay? Just please, figure your shit out, and leave Brandon and Brenda out of your little games with each other, I mean it." Val moved to go around her but Kelly shifted to stand in front of her again.
"Look Val, I'm serious it's not what you think. We're not playing games, alright? I'm not with Dylan. We did try again, but it still didn't work. Because neither of our hearts were in it." She seemed sincere, but Val knew better than to let those innocent eyes deceive her. She'd certainly lied about it before.
"Sad story Kel, tell it to someone who cares."
"You don't believe me?"
"Why would I? It's the same story you've been telling for years, the one that always ends up being a lie with you and Dylan wrapped in each other's arms while Brandon and Brenda are left to pick up the pieces." She tried again to move around her but just like before, Kelly stepped in front of her.
"Can't you just be a human for a second and try to hear me out?"
Val gave her a smug look. "Unlikely. The spaceship for shit stirring cold-hearted aliens leaves soon. Can't miss it." Val shrugged and attempted once more to move around her but to her annoyance, Kelly moved in front of her again.
"Kelly, What the hell?"
"I'm not leaving until you hear me out." Kelly said firmly.
What the hell is she doing? Kelly and I DO NOT talk like this. We hardly ever talk at all...
Kelly took a deep breath, "Val, I know this is hard to understand because of all the past drama and the bullshit but-"
Val was tired of listening to her crap so she tuned her out and looked anywhere but at her. That's when she saw them. Dylan and Brenda on the dance floor. Entirely too close for a friendly dance. She looked at Kelly, then back at them again. Suspicion began to develop, seeping into her veins like a toxin. She looked at them once more...then back at Kelly. Kelly's eyes darted to their location on the dance floor then back at Val before looking down. Realization struck Val with the force of a tidal wave.
Wait. Is she...? FUCK!
"Kelly. Are you...distracting me?" She eyed her accusingly.
Kelly bit the inside of her lip and looked away for a brief second before responding. "What? No...of...of course not..." She said it with a light laugh, like it was a ridiculous notion.
Oh SCREW THIS.
Val scoffed at her obvious lie, her annoyance rising to a level that could no longer be ignored. She was officially done, years of unsaid words came exploding out of her with no barrier. "My God, you are UNBELIEVABLE. You and Dylan. With your constant twisted games with each other and with Brandon and Brenda. Then you want to stand here and tell me that 'it's not what I think? 'We're not playing games' as you attempt to distract me so he can trap her? Do you even hear yourself? You just can't have a straight up conversation can you? You or Dylan. You're just alike. Maybe you do deserve each other. You both have to manipulate...not even caring how it affects them."
"Come off it, Val! I am NOT manipulating anything. Not Brandon, not Brenda. I just wanted to give Dylan some time to talk to her and you've been hovering over her all night like some crazy bodyguard." Kelly's tone rose higher in reaction to Val's words.
"That's called loyalty...you know, being a good friend. But you sure as hell wouldn't know about that now would you? No not miss self-absorbed Kelly Taylor. Tell me, did you ever stop to think that maybe Brenda didn't want that. Of course you didn't, you've never cared about Brenda. Not the way a real friend should...God, Kelly I can see you trying, I can see you WANT to grow up but then you pull some crap like this and it reminds me how selfish you can be. And what the hell is this anyway? You and Dylan are fighting right now so it's back to the Walshes? Is that how this works?..." Val was speaking with the speed and power that wouldn't allow for interruption. "This isn't high school anymore. How many times Kelly? How many times do you and Dylan get to break their hearts in your ridiculous push and pull relationship with EACH OTHER before THEY'VE had enough? Huh? Tell me. Where does it end? When does the coin toss stop? No. You're not in love with Dylan. You're not in love with Brandon. You're in love with love...Or hell...maybe you're in love with pain. That's it, isn't it? Do you think you deserve it? Are you punishing yourself?
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about Val!" Kelly said now angry.
"No? Jesus, Kel..." Val let out a breathy laugh and took a deep breath. "You know what...I'm going to do you a favor...I'm going to give you what your so called 'friends' have never given you before. The tough love you could have learned from long ago. The cold, hard, truth. Which is that you are so busy looking for your own happiness in everyone but yourself that you cause your own misery. When's the last time you just let yourself be truly single and alone? You said years ago you were choosing yourself, but you never really have, have you? Since high school, you've always been attached to someone. Usually someone from Brenda's life because you have this weird obsession with taking everything that's hers, but that's another conversation...The point is, you are always trying to find yourself in someone else. And you're so determined to avoid your own insecurities that you will take whatever you want in order to not feel them, no matter what damage you cause in the process. Miss Beverly Hills perfect princess playing a role so much that you've lost yourself entirely. You pretend to be something you're not depending on who you want to date and then when you actually get them your little facade is too hard to keep up because it's still YOU, no matter how much you try to be someone else. You've lied. To your friends. To Dylan. To Brandon. To yourself. You manipulate others. You undermine relationships. You're not a victim. You purposely bring heartache amongst yourself because it's easier to face that than to face the things about yourself that you don't want to own up to. It's easier to project your insecurities onto others...to blame them when things don't go your way...to blame your past for your selfishness...for your inability to accept yourself...it's no wonder you don't know who you want to date, you won't even admit to yourself who the hell you really are."
She took one last look at Kelly before delivering the final blow, "Stop playing a role, Kelly. Stop trying to cling to what makes others happy because you think it'll make YOU happy. Stop letting your relationships define who you are. Stop hiding your true self. Why don't you try for once to be ALONE. Look past the insecurities. The low self-esteem. The need to be liked. The need to be seen as some perfect delicate flower. Accept yourself. As you are. Own your mistakes. Look in the mirror and figure out who's really looking back at you. You might find that you're actually worthy of all the things you tell yourself you don't deserve. You might finally find someone that you really like instead of this selfish person who doesn't care who she hurts in her quest to find herself."
Kelly shook her head, seething. She was nearly trembling, her anger rolling off her in waves. "You are such a bitch." She said through gritted teeth.
"True. I am. But at least I own that."
With that Val pushed her way around her, she had to get to Brenda. She was out of time or and her patience at this point was non-existent.
Shit that felt good. One down.
Val walked onto the dance floor, making a bee line straight for Brenda and Dylan. She was already annoyed with David. With Dylan. Definitely with Kelly. And of course Dylan would swoop in on Brenda while Val went to the bathroom, coward that he is.
She forced her way through the crowded dance floor, gently pushing through people and huffing "excuse me" as she moved through crowd. She got within 15 feet of them and that's when it happened. Another moment like the one at the coffee shop. A moment where Val found herself intrigued and moved by the love that encompassed them. Only this time it was bigger. Much. Bigger.
She watched Brenda and Dylan dance, completely entranced in each other. She noticed how gentle Dylan was, how he handled her as if she was the most fragile porcelain, the most precious stone. She noticed the way Brenda seemed to glow where his hands caressed her cheek. Val took note of the way Dylan seemed to unconsciously pull her in closer. But more than anything else, she noticed the way he looked at Brenda.
Val had never seen that look on his face before. All the women and all the years she'd known him, she had never seen him look at anyone that way, not even his perfectly flawed blonde regardless of how much he said he wanted her at the time. It was an intense lingering gaze that was layered with love and lust. His eyes burned with want and desire, with need. But what stood out the most. What Val saw above all else, was the look of absolute trust. She swallowed hard. It was clear in that moment as Dylan stared into Brenda's eyes that he was looking straight into her soul, as if she was the only person in his existence. As if she was his whole world.
Their moment overflowed with their love for one another. It was warm, intense, sexually charged, and it overwhelmed even Val with a hope and belief in true love that almost moved her to tears. It was powerful and passionate.
And it pissed...her...off.
Are you kidding me?!
THIS was Brenda and Dylan together? Was he fucking SERIOUS with this shit? He left Brenda, and was chasing after Kelly, even though this was in his heart the entire time? Any IDIOT could tell from this moment alone that he loved Brenda. And for Val, it only solidified the fact that he did NOT deserve her. Because what the hell kind of moronic asshole could let his selfish cowardice tendencies hurt someone he clearly loved and trusted so deeply. The knowledge that he left her despite this obvious fact was enough to turn Val's annoyance up to max levels, reaching full blown anger now.
What the fuck Dylan.
The closer Val got to them, the closer they got to each other. Brenda was clearly struggling to keep him out, lost in the eyes of the one person that could shift her entire universe with a single look.
Shit, I'm too late.
He was already getting in her head. When she saw Dylan bring Brenda's chin up to his, she moved faster. Why the fuck did she wear such high heels? And what the hell was he trying to pull? Did he think it was okay to just kiss her after everything he's put her through?
Right as Dylan was starting to lean in, Val finally reached them and interrupted immediately.
"Ahem...Mind if I cut in?" She asked in a tone that conveyed her every irritated emotion at the moment.
As soon as she said the words Brenda seemed to come out of a trance. She shook her head quickly as if she was trying to let go of a bad memory, and she stepped back from Dylan. "Yeah sure. We're done anyway." Brenda said it in an icy tone, but Val could tell she was hiding her hurt.
Son of a bitch.
She watched Brenda walk away and then whirled on Dylan, her anger like a living force within her ready to unleash itself. One to go.
"Damn it, McKay." Val blurted out. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Yep. She's definitely pissed.
Dylan didn't get a chance to respond before she started in on him again, "You know what? Never mind. I don't want to hear it. Jeez, you know you are such an asshole. You couldn't just leave it alone could you?" She looked at Dylan like she was disgusted with him and shook her head.
"Look, Val. I wasn't trying to...I didnt mean..." Dylan stumbled flustered and ran his hands through his hair frustrated.
"What's the matter Dylan? Confused? Maybe that's because you've spent so many years with your hand in Brenda's pocket while you whisper sweet nothings in Kelly's ear. Constantly toeing that line between friendship and lovers with both of them depending on what type of attention you need that day...No, you know what your real problem is Dylan? You're afraid. That's right. Dylan McKay, rebellious and intelligent, deep-thinking and mysterious and a true master of illusion, because at your core you're just a coward. You run far and fast and you've become such an egotistical self- centered jerk that you think you can just take whatever you want, whenever you want along the way. Brenda. Kelly. The endless fucking stream of women you toy with and use in your own self-destructive cycle." She shrugged. "Doesn't really matter to you, does it? As long it serves what Dylan needs at the moment, until it doesn't anymore. Then it's on to chasing the next thing that will help you hide with absolutely no consequences." She took a step toward him, "Well, not this time. You have no idea what Brenda's gone through because of you. You have NO idea the fucking MESS that you left behind when you walked away from her in London and went back to chasing Kelly, AGAIN."
"Val, you don't know the whole story." Dylan said loudly, knowing it wouldn't make any difference in her current state of agitation with him.
"I am not interested in whatever BULLSHIT excuses you have. They're all just words to me. I know enough and trust me, there's not a thing you can say that would make up for what you did." Val paused briefly and looked at him defeated now. Out of patience, she huffed a sarcastic laugh. "She asked you Dylan. She asked you. Point. Blank. She asked you to choose her. She wanted you choose her and you didn't. You never could." She shrugged one shoulder and shook her head at him.
Dylan thought back to that night. The night that he'd left her. He wanted to choose her. He really wanted more than anything to just be there with her and let the weight of doubt that had grown in his chest fall away but he couldn't. It wasn't that simple...
"Listen..." Dylan tried to interrupt again, but Valerie was having none of it. She put her hand up to silence him.
"Even with the knowledge that if you left, she was letting you go. Even knowing that leaving that day meant it was over with her, forever, you STILL walked away. THEN you came back here acting like she never even existed. But why would you care? You were too busy pining after Kelly to give a shit... And now what? You see her and get the Brenda tingles again and expect to just swoop in with your charm and try to be with her or sleep with her or whatever the hell it is you want from her this time...Do you even know?" She asked waving a hand in his direction. Val shook her head and continued. "I'm not going to let you mess with her head anymore.You did this, Dylan. You're the maker of your own destruction. This is the reality YOU created. And now, for once, you're just going to have to live in it...I hope it was worth it." She eyed him angrily one last time before bumping his shoulder as she went after Brenda.
Fuck.
It had been a long time since he'd been on the other end of Valerie's wrath and he didn't miss it one bit. He'd forgotten how hard she could twist the knife in. How she could break you down using nothing but the facets of truth you yourself have given as the tools of your own demise. Each nail was a slither of honesty and Val was the hammer making sure the truth cut deep enough.
And she was right. The way he was constantly running, using whatever or whoever he needed to do it. Getting lost in whatever substance or woman gave him the pleasure of hiding that day. Hiding from love. From trust. From himself. From the darkness. She didn't say anything he didn't already know, but hearing it out loud from someone other than his own mind was certainly a dose of reality.
And what Val said about Brenda hit him harder than anything else. He hated the pain that he caused her. Dylan did leave. But she didn't know WHY he left. And what she said about what Brenda went through after he was gone...I really am such an asshole.
Dylan had to get out of there. He strolled up to the guys table, who apparently hadn't witnessed anything. He was thankful for that, having already met his quota for emotional exhaustion tonight.
"Guys, it's been great. But I'm gonna head home." He told Steve, Brandon, and David.
Steve eyed him curiously but didn't question him.
"Already? Man it's still early." Brandon said. "It's not everyday we all get to hang out together."
Dylan kept his tone light and smooth as he told a half truth. "Yeah I know, but I didn't get any sleep last night and you know crowds aren't really my thing."
Brandon rolled his eyes playfully, "Yeah yeah I remember, Jones. Well. Hows about we let ole Steve here throw a little Barbecue at his house? A gang reunion at Casa Walsh." He slapped Steve's back roughly. "What do ya say, Sanders?"
"I say hell yes, Brando!" Steve said excitedly.
"Sounds good, Man. Just say when." Dylan said as he finger snapped with them and said goodbye.
He left quickly after that. He didn't see any of the girls, or Val and Brenda on his way out.
Dylan made it home with hardly any memory of how he even got there, his thoughts fully encompassed by the beautiful memory of Brenda mixed with the emotional destruction Val slapped him with directly following it."She wanted you to choose her and you didn't. You never could."
Dylan couldn't get the words out of his mind. Why? Why couldn't he choose her? After everything they'd been through, why didn't he trust it? Trust what they had to lead him through? Instead he left. He thought she was better off without him. He thought he did it for her. Was he wrong? Did he blow up his life for nothing? Because he was a coward, like Val said he was? His head was spinning. Fuck if that woman couldn't make you question your entire existence.
Dylan's thoughts drifted to his dance with Brenda. He couldn't push her out anymore. And after that dance he was done trying. He thought about how at home he felt as he held her close to him. How his skin caught fire where her breath hit his neck as she leaned into him. The way just her touch sent a shockwave of pleasure through his whole system. His body was still vibrating with the remnants from his moment with her.
When he looked into her eyes, something changed inside him. It was familiar but more significant this time. Heavier. Like a rewiring of his entire identity. Brenda could still make him come fully undone and feel completely whole all at once. One look was all it took for his entire universe to snap back into focus. It proved something that he already knew deep inside. That he was wrong before. Everything had changed. It wasn't just that part of him would always love her. It wasn't just their history or the memory of his first love. It was simple fact. A truth rooted in his entire existence. The truth that no matter how far he ran from it, how much he tried to push it way, he was still hopelessly in love with her, and he always would be.
Brenda Walsh was the great love of Dylan McKay's life. The other half of his soul. She was woven into his entire being. Stitched into his DNA. And there was no hiding from it any longer. He needed her. He had to get her back.