Chapter 8

WARNINGS: Mentions of rape

Once the group made it to the door Severus entered, holding it open for the others to pass before closing it behind him.

"Ahh, there you are, he was getting impatient." Remus welcomed, coming down the stairs. Severus only nodded, walking past his brother and down the hall to where he knew his parents would be. Remus greeted Harry with a hug and Lucius with a smile and nod, before turning to follow his brother. Harry walked in front of him while Lucius stood at his side.

"What happened to Severus?" Remus whispered to the older man.

"Not sure, Harry asked him why he hated Dumbledore, and he has been like that since." Lucius replied, his own voice low to try and keep the other man from hearing. Remus only nodded in reply, deciding to wait to bring it up. The group paused behind Severus at the door at the end of the hall. Severus seemed to be collecting himself, pushing down every weakness, the others watched as he straightened himself, squaring his shoulders and setting his jaw. He then let out a breath and opened the door. Harry followed close behind, not seeing the others hesitate and glance at each other with a worried look before they followed. Voldemort sat in a chair, Haven standing behind him, they both held a glass of firewhiskey. Severus didn't say a word as he entered, he only motioned Harry forward. Remus watched closely as the boy began to fidget with his cloak, looking between Severus and Voldemort with worry. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder before speaking,

"Look who Severus successfully brought to visit for the summer." Remus started with a smile, trying his best to ease the tension.

"Yes, welcome to our humble abode, Harry. We are glad you could join us." Voldemort replied, his face calm and caring. Yet, neither he nor Haven was paying full attention to the boy as they both glanced worriedly at their son. He was quiet, way too quiet. Haven's eyes were glancing back and forth between Severus and the others, but after Voldemort had given his initial greeting his eyes had locked on his son.

"Thank you for allowing me to come, to learn the truth." Harry replied.

"Harry, the thing we want the most for you and all your classmates is for you to know the truth. If it helps to come stay with us and be able to ask your questions then so be it. We will happily answer them." Haven answered the boy, a genuine smile on her face.

"Yes, any questions." Voldemort distractedly confirmed.

"Remus, would you kindly show Harry to his room and help him get settled. Dinner will be in about an hour." Haven asked, looking at her oldest son.

"Of course. Right this way Harry, you are going to love your room." Remus smiled, leading Harry from the room with a quick concerned glance at his brother.

"I think I shall take my leave if that is okay my lord. Draco will have arrived at home and I would like to hear about how his year has gone." Lucius asked, slightly bowing his head at his leader.

"Of course, thank you for your willingness to help." Voldemort dismissed, Lucius taking his leave and closing the door as he exited the room.

"Severus?" Haven asked, stepping towards her son. Severus only slightly raised his head to meet her eye, not speaking.

"Son? Is it happening again?" Voldemort asked, standing to meet his son. He only received a head shake.

"Then what is wrong? Severus, you can talk to us." Haven tried, her voice soft and caring.

"I can't." was Severus' only response, pain filling his eyes.

"Severus, you cannot handle everything yourself, you need to talk about it." Haven tried again.

"No. Not to you." Severus replied, looking into his mothers eyes with more hurt than she had ever seen.

"Will you talk to me?" Voldemort tried, his voice steady and strong. He only received a nod. Haven paused, giving her son another sad look before hugging him and leaving the room.

Severus' shoulders fell as his mother left the room, but he still seemed to be trying to keep his strength.

"What happened?" Voldemort asked, noticing that his son wasn't going to start the conversation.

"Harry asked me why I hate him." Severus quietly replied, his eyes betraying the pain he was feeling.

"Did you tell him?"

"No."

"Have you ever told anyone?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It isn't my story to share." Severus replied, looking into his father's eyes. He was longing for his father to show some kind of love, but he would never ask. He knew how his father was, and it had never been a problem before, but now it felt so much worse. Everything hurt more, and everything made him feel like a little boy in his bed fighting the nightmares again.

"You cannot carry the burden alone."

"Gryffindors always get away with it. Always."

"Get away with what?"

"It destroyed her, changed her. I never got her back."

"Severus, what happened?" Voldemort asked, his voice commanding but soft.

"He raped her, just like mom. It was punishment for spending time with me, for associating with a Slytherin. He gave her detention, and when she got out she came to me for help, her clothes were torn, her face was forming a bruise, she was crying. I tried my best to help her, we brewed a healing potion, and then I sewed up her robes. She told me not to tell anyone, so I didn't, but she wouldn't stop spending time with me and it happened again. The second time he must have messed up, she ended up pregnant. He must have learned from mom though, because he forced a potion down her throat, it killed the baby. I told her to tell someone, to get help but she wouldn't listen. He wiped her memories, both of what he did and of me. I lost her and he kept everything, every bit of power and control. It was as if nothing had happened, except it had, and anyone who paid enough attention could tell that she wasn't the same, that she was broken. When I tried to reach out to her Potter and Black tried to kill me. I don't hate him because he is evil or corrupt. I don't even hate him for what he did to mom, no matter how hard I try to. I hate him because the only light this world held was her, and he put her light out." Severus answered, tears and pain pouring from him as he finally told someone. Severus had spent years hiding it, years covering up the fact that he had lost the one person he had loved more than anything else. He had never healed from it, and she had died in the life Dumbledore had locked her in. Voldemort was having trouble controlling his anger, seeing his son in pain like this made him hate Dumbledore even more, but he knew that anger wasn't what his son needed.

"You mean Lily?" Voldemort asked, clarifying who his son was speaking of. She had been his only friend at Hogwarts. When she was placed in Gryffindor Voldemort had held his breath, he knew it wouldn't end well, but his son had loved her, and he didn't want to see his son hurt. He never would have guessed that this would be the result.

"Yes, and now she is dead, I can never fix it. I can't even apologize for letting it happen, I should have stopped him."

"You were just a child, Severus. You know you couldn't have stopped him."

"She was my best friend and I did nothing."

"You did more than others would have. You loved her, you cared for her. You did everything you knew how, everything you could do. You are not at fault for that man's choices, or his actions. I promise you Severus, Lily would say the same. I'm sorry that my rashness and stupidity robbed her from you."

"It wasn't you. It was the magic." Severus replied, his eyes meeting his fathers.

"I was the one who used the magic, and for that I am forever sorry. You are my son, I should have been more careful to protect the one you loved."

"If I couldn't protect her, how could I expect you to?"

"Because I am your father, and that is my job." Voldemort answered. He was watching his son closely, he looked so small, so young. He was broken, the weight of this truth seemed to destroy him. His son, who had always been so strong, so powerful, so okay, now seemed to be so different. Looking at him now, Voldemort saw in his son what he had hoped to never see, he saw himself. Broken, sitting in an orphanage wondering how everything had gone so wrong. He saw Haven, crying on the floor, tears in her robes, and bruises on her cheeks. He saw what he had never wanted to see, he saw his son broken by the world he had tried so hard to protect him from.

"I want to kill him. I hate him." Severus whispered, his hate clear in his voice.

"I know. I hate him too." Voldemort replied, pulling his son into his arms and hugging him tightly. He hadn't done so since his son was a child, but he wasn't unaware of the fact that his son needed comfort now more than ever. As much as Voldemort didn't like to show emotion, to show love, he wasn't about to let his son think that his father didn't care enough about him to comfort him in this moment. Severus hugged his father back with everything in him, clinging to him as if he was the thing keeping him alive.

"I am sorry that you ever had to experience such evil. If I could have protected you from it I would have." Voldemort assured his son.

"You tried." Severus replied.

"I should have tried harder." Voldemort paused to pull himself back and look into his sons eyes before continuing, "I should have done everything in my power to protect you. Because you are my son, you are my flesh and blood, my whole world. I should have given my everything to protect you, because you are my son, and that is my job. Because I love you, and that will never change. I will always do everything I can to protect you from this cruel and evil world. I'm sorry that I haven't done better." At his fathers words Severus moved back to hug his father again, thankful that his father wasn't pushing him away at this moment. He was supposed to be a man, supposed to be strong. But he had never been able to move past what had happened to Lily, he had never been able to tell someone. He had been afraid of telling his father, of showing the weakness that always came when he thought about it. Yet, his father hadn't been angry, he hadn't told Severus to man up, he had been the father that Severus had needed. Just as he always had. For the first time since he was a boy, Severus realized that he never needed anything his father hadn't given him.

"I love you too." Severus whispered, It took quite a bit to say it, he was like his father in that way, but he meant every word.

"We are going to be late for dinner if we do not go get ready soon." Voldemort spoke, his voice soft, yet even as he said it he didn't move from the hug with his son. They stood in the same position for a while longer before separating and slowly making their way to the dining room, each of them pulling themselves together as they slowly walked, neither talking about what had happened just moments before.

Haven, Harry, and Remus were sitting at the table waiting on Severus and Voldemort to join them. Haven had asked about the trip, and about school, she had asked after his friends and made sure to talk about his hobbies. She had told him about the field in the back where he could practice his flying, and even told him that Severus and Voldemort were quite the flyers if he could convince them to practice with him. Then, after she had run out of topics they had fallen into silence. Haven kept glancing toward the stairs wondering if everything was okay, but she didn't say anything.

"Is Severus okay?" Remus finally asked, his worry for his new found brother showing itself.

"I don't know." Haven answered truthfully.

"He wouldn't talk to you?" Remus asked, Harry watching the two with curiosity.

"No, he said he couldn't tell me. He only wanted to talk to Tom." Haven replied.

"I thought…" Remus started before stopping himself. He hadn't been around long, but he had been long enough to know that not everything was spoken about. Hence why no one ever talked about the way Severus and Voldemort acted with each other.

"You thought they never talked. Many do, but when Severus was a boy he only ever talked to his father when he was upset. I don't know what happened, but if he is once again going to his father I believe it is safe to say it is something we would be shocked to hear he has had to endure." Haven continued.

"He has been through a lot, hasn't he?" Harry risked asking.

"Severus? Oh yes, he has been through more than anyone should ever have to survive. Only Tom knows all of it though. Severus wishes to protect everyone he can, to him that means hiding all the evil he has experienced. But his father is different, Tom has always been Severus' steady wall, his grounding. He has never hidden things from his father." Haven answered.

"I don't see why he would. If I had a father that cared about me that could actually help, could understand and support. I would too." Remus offered. He was almost jealous of Severus that he had such a father.

"You do have such a father." Voldemort's voice broke through the group, causing the others to glance up as the other two men joined them.

"Well, yes. But I didn't, not until recently." Remus smiled at his new found stepfather.

"Yes, and I just got him back from death, no reason to make excuses, Remus." Severus smirked.

"It's not like I've had much of a chance, since you won't stop hogging him." Remus smirked back.

"Enough, both of you. I promise there is enough of me to go around." Voldemort replied, taking his spot at the head of the table.

"Are we ready to eat?" Haven asked, smiling at the group around the table.