Chapter 15

The months of the school year went quickly after the end of the week when Umbridge turned herself in to the ministry. Severus taught, Harry studied, and other than his spying and extra brewing for Remus and in preparation for the war, the semester seemed almost normal. Severus had been able to fight the memories with more success, and Remus' transitions had continued to get easier with the wolfsbane. Harry focused fully on his studies, gaining better grades in each subject and before he knew it Christmas break had arrived. Severus and Remus had arranged for Harry to come back and spend Christmas with the Riddle family. So, that was where the group found themselves, in the late morning after the departure feast. Snape had told Dumbledore that he was going to do some more in depth spying during the holiday which had released him from babysitting. Harry had asked for permission to spend the holiday with Remus, after Remus had finally checked in with Dumbledore, explaining that he needed a break for a while, that his undercover and recruitment work with the different packs of wolves across Britain had taken too much, and Dumbledore had granted the break to the both of them.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't have shrunk the luggage." Harry complained, trying his best to carry his trunk across the field towards the house.

"It keeps you strong, if not smart." Severus replied, walking past him quickly his wand pointed out, and his own luggage floating neatly in front of him.

"Damn it. Why didn't I think of that."

"Language. And you didn't think of that because it's cheating." Remus replied, coming to walk next to Harry carrying his own luggage.

"It is not cheating, it is using your brain. You really should try it sometime brother." Severus smirked back to the two.

"Very funny." Remus growled in response.

"Wait, what spell?" Harry asked, having set his luggage in front of him and trying to use his wand to make it an easier task.

"Did you pay attention at all in your first year?" Severus answered.

"Of course I paid attention! I got good grades that year you know!" Harry answered, earning a raised eyebrow from Severus, "okay, good grades in everything but potions, but that wasn't my fault."

"Wingardium Leviosa, Harry." Remus answered, earning a glare from his brother.

"You shouldn't have helped him." Severus stated before turning on his heel and making his way into the house. Remus and Harry followed behind, when the two of them made it inside, though, Severus had disappeared.

"Remus! Harry! Welcome home, It's so good to see you both." Haven greeted them, walking in from the living room and giving them both hugs.

"Hello Mum."

"Hello, Mrs. Riddle."

"Where is Severus?"

"No idea, he left us in the field and came inside." Remus answered, trying to reattach the latch of his luggage.

"Was he upset?"

"You bet. He couldn't believe that Harry forgot Wingardium Leviosa, and then I told Harry the answer and he got all frustrated like he does and stormed off." Remus smirked.

"I did not 'get all frustrated' and I did not 'storm off'. I left you to finish figuring out your year one spell and I came inside to put my stuff in my room. I can't help it if your lack of education prevents you from keeping up with me." Severus replied, coming down the stairs. He had taken off his over cloak leaving only black slacks and a black button up shirt, which he had rolled the sleeves of. Harry found himself staring at the man, he had never seen his professor dress like that, not even over the summer. Snape had never taken off his cloak.

"Sure you didn't. And I have the same amount of education you do, thank you."

"You slept through half the classes. Is something wrong with my outfit Potter, or do you make it a habit to stare?" Severus then stated, turning a raised eye to Harry.

"I make it a habit." Harry answered, sarcasm filling his words.

"Kids these days, they have no respect."

"I was just caught off guard, you never take off your cloak."

"Oh no. I must be dying, I did something Harry has never seen. For your information, I despise that cloak." Severus answered, the group moving into the living room after Remus moved the luggage to the side.

"You despise the cloak you wear all the time?" Remus asked, looking at his brother with doubt.

"Yes."

"Then why do you wear it?" Harry asked, plopping onto the couch and relaxing back.

"Tell me Harry, If I had worn this to Hogwarts, and you had never spoken to me before, would you have been more or less willing to speak to me than when I wear my cloak?"

"More. You look like a human."

"Hence why I wear it. Intimidation is a great weapon, when you learn how to wield it correctly. Which is why Dolores Umbridge no longer teaches at Hogwarts. And thank you, I have been told that occasionally I can look that way." Severus answered, calmly lowering himself into one of the chairs. Remus and Haven settling onto the other couch in the room.

"How did you get her to leave?" Harry asked, he had wanted to know the answer all semester but had never found the opportunity to ask.

"I told her to."

"Or?" Remus asked, sure there was more to the story.

"Or, she would find herself in the middle of the woods up against the greatest potions master ever born."

"So let me get this clear, you told her that she either had to leave.." Harry began,

"And turn herself in." Severus interrupted.

"Okay, leave and turn herself in, or you were going to kill her?" Harry finished.

"Pretty much, although there was going to be more pain before the killing part."

"Awesome." Harry sighed.

"What is awesome?" Voldemort asked, entering the room from the back garden.

"What Severus did to Umbridge." Remus answered.

"And what was that?"

"I told her to leave, or that I would make her leave the world for good. She left." Severus answered.

"You threatened a government official in Hogwarts?" Voldemort asked, disbelief in his voice.

"Yes. I did."

"Severus…"

"Don't worry, I covered my tracks. There were no witnesses, and I had all my bases covered to make sure I was not punished for it. Besides, she's in Azkaban now so she has no authority." Severus spoke, calming his fathers worry. If there was anything that Severus knew, it was that his father was overly cautious, and he often seemed to doubt his son's capabilities.

"Can I ask why you felt the need to do this?" Voldemort asked, frustration in his voice as he sat in the other chair in the room.

"She was torturing children. I understand that I am not allowed to do anything against Dumbledore at this moment, but I could do something against her. I was not going to let more children get harmed when I could stop it. I accept that you do not want us to yet make moves against Dumbledore, but Dolores Umbridge is not Dumbledore, and I will not accept standing aside while children are hurt simply to make sure there are absolutely no chances of being found out." Severus replied, his voice harsh as he tried to hold back the anger he was feeling.

"Very well Severus." Voldemort relented. He wasn't happy with his son's actions, but he knew that he would only anger his son if he continued to fight it. Voldemort and Haven were both very aware that Severus had been living on a very dangerous line. Flitwick had contacted them throughout the semester keeping them updated on their son. According to the Ravenclaw head of house Severus had not been struggling as much with his episodes, but he had also reported that Severus had been more and more angry, and frustrated with it all. According to Flitwick, there was not a day that went by at the school when Severus did not at one point or another look exactly like his father, if he didn't always look that way. Slowly as the semester had gone on, the attributes that Severus had gained from his mother had begun to be greatly affected by his fathers anger and attributes.

"Speaking of making moves against Dumbledore, we have decided it is time to do so. Before the end of this semester we will be making our move. The death eaters are being prepared to make a move against the ministry at the same time we will make ours against Hogwarts. We will floo into your office, Severus, and go from there." Haven began to explain, earning the full attention of everyone in the room.

"Just us against all of Hogwarts?" Remus asked, trying his best to believe what his parents were telling them.

"Yes. The others will be at the ministry, they will begin their attack before ours in hopes of gaining the attention of the aurors. Meaning, all we will face will be the teachers and those of the order that make an appearance." Voldemort answered.

"What about the students?"

"You and Harry will have to do your best to win as many over as possible. We will also have released the truth to the press and I will have returned to the Wizengamot and brought the truth to the front of the press." Haven replied, standing to pour herself a glass of firewhiskey.

"Very well." With that, Severus stood and made his way out the doors into the gardens.

Severus had made headway with his attacks throughout the school semester, but he knew that there was still danger of falling back into it. Hearing what his parents were planning made his heart clench in fear. He was not about to let it take the better of him. He knew what to do, he had to address it, think through it, and then let it go. So he quickly made his way into the garden, where he found a bench and sat down. His mind was racing, and his chest felt like it was being crushed. He knew why, and he tried his best to calm his racing thoughts. This wasn't Godric's Hollow. It isn't the same situation. Harry is not Lily. Those who are going to be fighting are more, the plan is different. Severus' head knew these truths, he knew that the situation would be different, but his heart still clenched in fear at the pain and memories of what had happened.

"Damn it." He cursed, as his breath still caught in his throat, tears forming in his eyes as he tried to ease the attack away. He had done it successfully many times over the semester, only having one other attack after the one Harry had witnessed. Yet, he couldn't get this one to fade. He knew what it would take to get this one to go away, he had to accept it. Yet, he wasn't sure how to do so.

"Severus?" Remus came around the corner of the garden, worry written on his face.

"It won't fade." Severus stated. He knew that his brother would know what he was talking about. They had been working on it all together. Remus had offered after the attack Harry had witnessed. So every week they met, Severus prepared and gave Wolfsbane to Remus, and Remus listened and asked questions and let Severus talk through whatever had been bothering him. It had been difficult for them both, but eventually they had begun to trust each other and it had begun to actually work.

"I don't doubt it. This is the core of it all for you Severus. You fear what happened, and you fear it happening again. Until you accept that it might, that pain and death may happen you won't be able to let it fade."

"I don't want to accept that. How could I?"

"I know. I don't want to either. But we are fighting a war, Severus. It could happen. I don't believe that it will, neither do our parents, but it could. I have decided that the risk is worth it. If this works Severus, if we win… Can you imagine? The world that these kids could have…"

"I know. I just…"

"You are still hurting from those who failed to give you the world we fight for. You were the kid that needed to be saved, and the mission failed. That doesn't mean we will fail as well. And maybe we will, but I just… Severus, how can you not want to try?" Remus asked, his voice sad as he knew what his brother was feeling but was also wrestling with not getting frustrated with his brother's hesitation.

"It's not only about me, Remus. I won't say that I don't fear losing everything again, because that would be a lie and we both know it. I fear that everyday. But that is not what terrifies me. Lily wasn't just my best friend Remus. She was my only friend. She was the only one I ever loved. She was my entire world, the reason I got out of bed, the reason I kept fighting, she was my everything. When I lost her, I blamed myself…"

"I know, but you can't keep doing that." Remus interrupted quickly.

"Please, brother, let me finish." Severus spoke, his voice soft and broken. Remus only nodded in reply, moving to sit next to his brother who took a deep breath before he continued speaking, "I blamed myself because I was why Dumbledore had chosen her. I spent the next years doing everything in my power to get her back. I brewed potions, and tried to create spells. When I walked into Godric Hollow that night, I admit I did not even think about my father. Later when I did, I wished I had, but I didn't. I only thought about her. I had failed to save her. But there was a little boy crying in the crib looking at her. I knew that he was James' son. I knew that he was proof that Dumbledore had taken her from me. But he was so small, and his eyes.. They were hers. I picked him up, and I sat next to her with him. I didn't let him look, but I couldn't stop looking. I promised her then and there that I would protect him. That no matter what I would die before I let this world hurt him. I haven't done my best. But failing this war, losing… Remus, it's not about what it will cost me, I don't care how much it hurts me, I'm willing to give it all for this victory. But him?... I have to protect him." Severus confessed.

"It's not your job to protect everyone, and you are not the only one protecting him. I may not have had the same reasons, but you know I made the same vow." Remus answered his brother. Over the last few months he had come to know more of what his brother had lived, and each day he wondered just how Severus had survived it. Yet, there were days Severus had confessed to Remus that he had no idea how Remus had survived what he had lived.

"I know that."

"But…" Remus beckoned, knowing that his brother had not said all he was thinking.

"I don't know how to make myself believe it." Severus answered, his eyes finally meeting his brothers. Remus had become one of his greatest friends, and he truly felt like a brother. Yet, he was still hesitant to speak about such things with him, but he would push through, if only to have a brother.

"I know. But we have to keep fighting Sev. If we don't, how many more will pay the same price?"

"More than I will allow." Severus replied, standing as he spoke. His voice was more steady, and Remus realized that his brother had pushed it back down and buried it like he used to. Remus couldn't say that he was happy about that, but he was happy to see the man he knew his brother to be when he looked into Severus' eyes.