Chapter 22

Remus' attention snapped up from his book so did Harry's, Severus began to jerk. He was breathing quickly, his head snapping back and forth,

"No.. no.. no" Severus' voice was rough and broken, and full of panic despite being weak as his whole body continued to jerk around. Remus rose quickly, Pomfrey arrived right after,

"Remus, help me hold him down, he will open his stitches" She commanded, Remus immediately moved, grabbing his brothers shoulders and pushing them into the bed.

"Severus! Severus wake up!" Remus called, Pomfrey was preparing potions beside his bed. Severus jerked up from the bed, his eyes snapping open. He glanced around the room, his eyes frantic.

"Here, child. Take this." Pomfrey spoke, her voice calm as she gave Severus what looked to Remus like a calming potion. Severus obediently took the medicine, his arm grasping his side.

"Damn it. I think I opened it." He spoke, looking at Pomfrey, the pain clear on his face.

"Let me take a look, lay back." She replied. He obediently laid back, Remus moved back to sit beside Harry. Harry was watching with worry in his eyes. He knew that Severus wasn't just going to heal immediately, but he had not thought things were still as bad as they seemed to be.

"Well, you were right. You definitely opened it, not to worry, I'll fix it right up." Pomfrey stated, moving her wand around the area.

"Ah, Damn it Pomfrey! Not even a warning?" Severus snapped in pain.

"I told you I was going to fix it." Pomfrey replied, earning a look from Severus, "There, now it's all fixed up again. We will just have to be more careful with it in the future, a little more monitoring I think." She finished. Severus nodded in reply, moving the pillows behind him to prop him up.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, hesitation in his voice.

"Yes, Harry, I am fine." Severus replied, forcing the words out in a raspy breath through the pain he was clearly in.

"Here, take this." Pomfrey stated, handing another potion to Severus.

"This is a pain potion." Severus stated.

"Why yes it is. Take it." Pomfrey answered, her voice firm.

"I have slept enough." Severus replied, his voice firm even as his face twinged in pain.

"You broke open your wound and are in pain, you need to take it." Pomfrey tried again, she knew the man before her, and she knew why he was fighting her.

"I can manage it." Severus replied, fixing his pillows to allow him to sit up.

"Very well, if you are determined, I will get you some food." Pomfrey gave in, setting the potion on the table by the bed and calmly leaving the room.

"Why won't you take the medicine?" Harry asked, he was shocked that the man was refusing the care he had been offered when he was still as hurt and sick as he had been.

"I don't need the medicine. I'll take it when I need it." Severus answered, earning a disbelieving look from Remus as he spoke. There was clear pain written on his face, and Remus could tell that the man desperately needed the medicine, but it was also clear to Remus that his brother was desperately avoiding sleeping any longer. Harry only nodded in reply, he was worried for the man in the bed, but he also knew that nothing he said would truly change the mans mind.

"Harry, could you come help me check through the Gryffindor tower? The fat lady will not let me in. Ahh, good morning Severus." Lucius interrupted, speaking as he entered the infirmary.

"Hello Lucius." Severus answered.

"Sure, I can help." Harry answered, placing his book down on the chair as he stood. Lucius nodded at Harry, patting the boy on the shoulder,

"How are you feeling, Severus?" Lucius asked, still looking at his friend.

"Better everyday." Severus lied. Both Remus and Lucius knew it wasn't true, but neither said anything about it.

"Good. We are all ready for the day you get out of that bed." Lucius smiled, nodding to Remus and once again to Severus before leading Harry out of the room.

"How many more times are you going to lie to people about how you are?" Remus asked his brother, earning only a pained glare in return as Pomfrey re-entered the room with food for Severus.

"If you are going to refuse medicine, you have to eat all of this." Pomfrey spoke, setting the tray on his lap.

"I don't need the medicine." Severus answered.

"You can keep lying, but I happen to know you are in quite a bit of pain, and you just are avoiding sleep at all cost. So as I have already said, you have to eat all of this. Medicine will help you heal, but if you refuse to take it your body is going to need fuel to heal." Pomfrey answered.

"I happen to agree with you Pomfrey, he needs to pay more attention to healing." Remus added.

"When the two of you have lived through this I will take your advice, until then I suggest you both let me make my own decisions. I will heal perfectly fine taking those potions only once a day, and you both know that." Severus answered before taking a bite of the bread on the tray next to the soup.

"Maybe you will heal perfectly fine, but you will be in more pain than you have to be." Pomfrey replied, using her wand to cast diagnostic spells over the man as she spoke.

"I would rather have the pain than the dreams." Severus quietly answered. His voice was so quiet that Remus almost missed what he said, but when the words registered in his mind it once again made him wonder just what the dreams were of.

"I can always get you a dreamless sleep potion, Severus. I truly don't believe it would cause that much trouble." Pomfrey tried, she knew the man's hesitation, but she also knew the man before her was a very different person with a much stronger support system than the man who had fallen to the addiction years before.

"No. I will not take that potion." Severus snapped back. His voice was rough and tired.

"Very well." Pomfrey replied, before nodding and returning to her office. Remus then watched as his brother ate his food, he knew that Severus was trying to hide how much pain he was in, but the regular flinching and quiet grunts continued to give it away.

"You don't have to hide the pain from me, Severus." Remus finally stated, opening his book once more as he finally settled further into his seat. Severus only glanced up at his brother in reply. Swallowing a few more bites of food before finally speaking,

"Are mother and father at the ministry today?"

"Yes, they think they finished the trials of everyone yesterday and were hoping to vote in a new minister today. I haven't heard if they have succeeded or not, but I imagine they will be back soon and will tell us then."

"They seem to have made quick headway with everything. How is the school coming along?"

"Lucius has almost prepared everything, in the next few days he is going through the dorms and common rooms to make sure they are set for the students' return. I believe he is doing some renovations to the Slytherin dorms, but I'm afraid I haven't been helping much in the past few days." Remus answered, he had spent the last few days strictly by his brother's bed, he was beyond worried for the man, and didn't want him to be alone. He also was working on a plan for the upcoming year of teaching.

"Good." Severus responded, his voice wavering with the word. It made Remus look up yet again, concern clearly written on his face,

"Just take the potion, damn it." He huffed.

"No." Severus' voice was cold like it had been so many times when they were growing up. Back then Remus wouldn't have been able to tell that the coldness was from pain rather than anger, but now he could pick up on the difference in his brother's voice.

"Why? What is so bad about the dreams that it makes you want this pain more?" Remus asked, he couldn't imagine what the answer could be. Severus didn't answer, rather he sat, looking at his brother. Severus had come to accept that that was who Remus was, had come to trust and even love him as such, but something held him back from telling the truth. He knew that what Lucius had said earlier when he was in the room was true, his entire family was waiting on him to heal and be up moving again. How could he ever tell any of them that he was still dreaming of Lily, still dreaming of losing her, still dreaming of going to her. He hadn't woken up from a nightmare, he had woken up because yet again Lily had pushed him back to the land of the living, and he hadn't wanted to come.

"Nothing. It's fine. It doesn't matter what they are about, they will fade eventually, and I will heal eventually. The healing potions will do the trick without the pain potion." Severus responded, refusing to tell his brother the truth. Out of all the things Severus knew, he was most sure of the fact that his family expected him to yet again choose them and fight to live. He didn't have the heart to tell them, or even himself that that wasn't what he wanted anymore.

"I know you are lying, but seeing as you clearly do not want to tell me, I will let it go. Just know that you can tell me, if you want to." Remus responded. He had come to understand that his brother needed to be given time. Severus only nodded in reply. Then the two brothers simply sat in each other's company, Severus eating his meal before eventually giving in and falling once again into sleep, and Remus reading and preparing for his teaching role.