Chapter 20: Things That Spark Joy

"In the days of Edward's return, I've been hearing drums. Feeling the beat like the thump of an earthquake through my bones. Clouding my head with the sweetest song that lingers. Taking my feet and my arms to his body like a magnet meeting its opposite pole. In hours that steer my mind from anything else. Where it feels so good I could die. So hot I could burn. So deep I'm drowning in his touch. A place where I can die happily, totally apathetic to the trials outside our bed. We share excited, unbridled, uncontainable rage. Rage for the system of Gotham, and each step taken to expose it, he drives my spirit from my body. Compelling me with an amplified touch I didn't know he had. I welcome this aggression in fear, that same fear turns to passion. Submissive and adventurous to what he teaches me. To think at one time, I was teaching him.

I soon found out there was a darkness in Edward. He kept it hidden and collecting dust. However, something woke it up. It came alive with fire. So incredibly relentless. A darkness now constantly blooming like spring. To the liars he is carnivorous. For myself, he gives me all of the flowers. His only ally with so many benefits. All of his walls he kept high crumbled down before me, and he pulled me into euphoria. Where all I can do is take it. Fall to my knees. I started craving it, obsessing over it. Waiting for him to come through the doors so the drums would rumble once again. My thoughts suffocate against his body joined with mine. In the bed, the kitchen counter, the couch, the floor, the shower. Soon no landmark of my apartment was untouched.

I relished how he was basically inhuman, taking me for his own like nature intended. Sex was the word, but it was so much more than that. An experience beyond anything I have ever felt. As if I'm underwater with him. Our bodies tangled together, our lips only separating so I could cry cosmic colours from my mouth. Breaking into purple and yellow swirls. Eventually we were in an ocean of gold. An ocean for just ourselves. The beat of my heartbeat in my head like the mightiest drum. Our voices gasping and moaning like our own song.

I was Queen and he was King. With every small victory, I'm left screaming— begging for more. What kind of man exists like this? Where his touch is almost celestial. His passion the deepest ocean. He is amazing and terrifying. The only man to drive me to such ecstasy I feel like I'm on psychedelics. I didn't know the capacity of my own body until he appeared and doesn't even know what he's doing. He just does it. The two of us embark on the journey blindfolded and rise up to heaven for a moment together. When we descend down to earth, we can't comprehend it even happened. If I had a reason to praise a higher power, this would be my testament. It's like… I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just having really… really… good sex."

Max stopped her journalling for only a moment to check the time. It was nearing lunch, and she had agreed to go eat with Manny. Her job search had run stale, but her need to keep writing was displaying in paper. If it wasn't about the news or crime, it would be about herself. She closed her journal and hid it under her mattress. She wouldn't mind if Edward did find and read it, but personal journalling had always been her private tool. The principle was important and needed to be protected. Max sat up in bed and the aches returned like a punch. Between her legs was swollen and burning, waddling her to the bathroom to pee for the fifth time in the last two hours. The repetitive sexual activities with Edward were starting to take a toll, but she still excited for him to come home and do it all over again. It was becoming a sickly addiction, but she figured if anyone could experience it the way she was, no one would do anything else. There wouldn't be anything that could bring the kind of elation she'd been feeling.

She got on her comfortable sweatpants and a turtleneck sweater to cover the love bites on her neck. They travelled down her chest, even on the flesh of her breasts. If someone didn't know any better, they'd think she was a DV victim. It was purely the opposite, a haven of the sweetest pain. She wasn't allowed to give Edward love bites back seeing he had somewhere to work. However, he wasn't left unscathed, luckily no one would see the travelling scratch marks down his back.

She left her apartment quietly, fearing Shirley would be outside and they'd have to make the eye contact she was dreading. There was no doubt Shirley had to have heard the loud moans, thumps of her bed frame and occasional screams coming from her apartment after the hours of five pm for more hours on end. The last few days were persistent in that routine. Luckily, Shirley or anyone else couldn't be seen. She made it quick to her car as fast as her limp would allow, then drove to the café where Manny would be meeting her.

When Max pulled up, she waved to Manny at the patio already seated at a table. Max got out of her car and tried to grit down the pain and walk as normal as possible to the table, however it was an ill attempt.

"The fuck, you trip on ice and fall on your ass the way here?" Manny laughed as she walked up with a smile.

Max giggled, "Sure, let's go with that."

He stood to give her a hug before letting her sit.

"Oh my God, I miss you. It's been so boring at the Times, I swear. I've tried to find myself a new Max. Everyone just cookie cutter bitches, man."

Max sat down slowly, but wincing in pain, "Yeah. It's always kinda been like that."

Manny raised a brow, "The fuck is wrong with you? You can try and rock that ugly ass sweater all you want, but I see the bruises, girl. Did you get your ass beat? Oh my God, did you get mugged?!"

Max snapped, "No!" She was partly offended, "No, I'm fine. Those are from Edward."

Manny coughed a laugh, "What?! Wait, you guys are back together?"

"Yeah. I mean, we didn't really break up in the first place. Just needed to take a breather, I think."

"What do you mean they're from Edward? Like… sex injuries? Please tell me they're sex injuries, or I'm gonna have to cut a bitch."

Max nodded, "Yes, sex injuries. I'm not a battered woman."

Manny squealed, "Oh, girl! You gettin' that make-up sex? That's the best shit, hands down."

"Nah. It's like… victory sex."

Manny sputtered a laugh, "The fuck is that?"

"It's like…" Max stammered, swishing her hands as she tried to formulate a response, "It's like when you… celebrate with sex because you're doing something really exciting and… you have like adrenaline."

Manny irked, "What are you guys doing?"

Max stuttered, "Uh. We joined a… bowling league."

"Bowling? Bitch, you hate bowling."

"I did. Now I love it. We're kicking a lot of ass, too."

Manny gave his head a shake, "Okay… fucking weird but… as long as you havin' revolutionary sex, I'm happy for you, dawg."

Max beamed a grin, "Thank you. It really is. It's like cosmic grade sex. Earth-shattering."

"So, besides you gettin' the good dick, what's been up with you? Found a job, yet?"

Max groaned, "Nah. I applied to almost every rival paper in town, even a few news stations. GCN is looking for a news writer. I don't know… I think I want to freelance for a while."

"Freelance? Risky business. Just anything? You doing it independently or contracting online?"

"Contracting online. I got a fringe site I use and some other popular ones. I kind of want to… write. Like, step back from the news. Journal other stuff."

Manny asked in worry, "How does Edward feel about that?"

Max was taken back, "Fine. Edward's always fine. Why?"

"You guys living together, right? I mean, my experience with freelancing is it pays for shit unless you hit the jackpot of fame. He's an accountant, though. Right?"

"Yeah," said Max, "But, regardless, he wouldn't care. We don't live together. He has his own place."

"Why does he have his own place when he basically lives there?"

Max thought for a moment, a genuinely fair question, "Uh. I don't even know. I haven't even seen his place before, now that I think about it."

"Girl, what?! That ain't weird to you?"

"No, I trust him. What do you think he has there? A wife and kids?"

"A killer's lair, a bunch of starved pets, a hoarding mess, list goes on, babe. You don't know him completely till you've seen his pad."

Max winced a little, "I mean… yeah. It's a little weird. You think I should ask Edward about it?"

"Carefully. Like, slip it into conversation as like a normal thang. Don't make a big deal of it and see what he says."

"What if he says no?"

Manny's face went cold, "Then bring the heat. A man only says no if he got somethin' to hide."

"I honestly don't think Edward's hiding anything. He's basically told me everything about him, and it's all checked out."

"Yeah, but he hasn't shown you where he lives. That's kind of a big deal. You guys been together for four months, it's about time."

Max sat at home after her lunch with Manny. Their conversation had stayed in her head. She was currently on her laptop watching the New Beginnings CCTV. Edward had set it up for her, letting her scope it out as he worked so she could catch anything new. However, her focus wasn't on Ana Joon behind the counter, or the surveillance in general. It was left in the ominous anonymity of Edward's apartment. A place she'd heard of many times but never seen. Considering how many times he'd seen her apartment— he basically lived in it with her. Her mind was swimming with what his apartment could be like. He never outright blocked her from seeing it. He never brought it up. It was just the silent elephant in the room, now finally tooting its trunk.

It was after five, and Edward would be coming home soon. Usually, this time she'd be pulsing in excitement. Waiting for the buzzer to ring by the door with only her shirt and underwear on. However, this time she was still fully dressed in bed with the laptop, contemplating on how she'd bring it up.

Then the buzzer rang, she struggled off the bed to the button. A new kind of anticipation— anxiety. Max let him in and went back to the bed. After a few minutes the door opened. As usual, the sounds of him taking off his shoes and coat.

Max called, "I'm in here!"

No response for some time. Then he called back cheekily, "You're where?"

"Here!"

"Huh?"

"I'm in the bedroom, you weirdo!"

Sometime passed, he asked whimsically, "Are you naked?"

Max chuckled, "No. Come here."

"Can you get naked?"

"Haha! Edward, come here."

"Are you ready?"

Max called back, "Don't even think about it!"

Suddenly, Edward came running in, making Max squeal and toss her laptop to the end of the bed. He leapt over her and tossed his glasses to the other pillow. He jostled her at first, tickling under her arms and letting his weight keep her down. Max guffawed, trying to struggle out from under him. The colours were brighter for her now. She relished every ounce of his fun-loving side. A side he usually wouldn't show, until recently. Max kissed his neck, travelling up to his lips and taking his tongue into her mouth. The drums pounded again, and heat took drive for Max. Especially as he'd grind up against her, groaning into her mouth. He stopped suddenly to say, "I think I know what I gotta do next."

Max asked, "What?"

"Gotham Mountain Security. What if I was able to get in?"

Max spooked, "Like break in?"

"Yeah!"

Max giggled, "How the hell will you do that?"

"I have no idea," laughed Edward, making her share one, as well. "But I have a feeling the answer is in there."

"We got time to figure that out, then," said Max, petting his hair back.

Edward sighed, "Fuck, I love you. I could say it all day. Now that I'm not scared to say it anymore. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Edward brought his fingers under the lip of her sweatpants and pulled down, "Can I do it again? I was thinking about it all day."

Max pulled him in fondly and crooned, "Were you?"

Edward let his lips touch her own as he whispered, "Yes. I love kissing it."

"You can't. She's in pain."

Edward pulled away, "What? It hurts?"

"Yeah. Caught up to me this morning. I think we gotta cool it for a while."

"I'm… I'm sorry, did I…"

"No," amended Max, giving him a peck, "A lot of friction down there, lately. A day should be good. Besides, I gotta ask you something."

Edward laid off her to her side, still keeping his arm around her, "Ask me what?"

"I wanted to ask you about your apartment."

Edward grabbed his glasses from the pillow and put them on, "My apartment? Why?"

"I've never seen it."

Edward went sullen in silence, "Uh. Yeah. You haven't."

"It's a little weird."

"Why is it weird?"

Max nudged him, "Because you've seen my place. We've been together for four months and I've never seen your place. That's weird."

Edward said coolly, "You don't want to see it."

Max paused at the statement. Then started to sit up in bed, "Okay. Now I have to see it."

"Max…" Edward moaned.

"No," nagged Max, "I don't care if I walk into a mess. It's not gonna make me love you any less."

"What makes you think you're going to walk into a mess?" Edward asked her in offence.

Max shrugged, stretching her lips nervously before muttering, "Your kind of a slob."

"What?" Edward shot back, sitting up with her.

She affirmed lightheartedly, "It's fine! All famous geniuses were! You leave your books everywhere and your clothes on the floor when there's a basket like right there. And you don't rinse your toothpaste down the sink. Or do your dishes… or hang your coat up."

"Excuse me!" Edward snapped offendedly but amused.

Max took his shoulder and patronized, "You weren't parented. You were basically raised by wolves. This is to be expected."

Edward shoved her arm away, making her giggle. He ranted back, "Yeah, well… I find your hair everywhere."

"What?"

"Yeah, you shed. Like a… cat! I saw one of your hairs dangling by the lightbulb in the bathroom. Not to mention you got a hair art show on the tiles in the shower."

Max squawked, "Shut up!"

"Why do you have so many empty shampoo and conditioner bottles in there, too? What are you saving them for?"

"There's still stuff in them! I can put a little water in there, shake it up, and get my money's worth!"

Edward shook his head, "That's ludicrous."

"You're ludicrous, you little swamp monster! I can't control my hair, it falls out."

Edward sighed, "Okay. Maybe the hair was unfair. Just throw out the bottles."

"Sure! Let me see your apartment, and I'll throw them all out and shave my head."

Edward stifled a laugh, "Please… don't shave your head. Just the bottles," he looked down, "You're… going to think differently of me if you see it."

Max affirmed, "No, I'm not. I'm not with you for your housekeeping skills. I'll tell you what. You let me see your apartment. I'll let you read my journal."

"You have a journal?"

Max bent over to slide the notebook from under the mattress. She waved it, "That I do," she held it to her chest, "Let me see your apartment, and you can see what I wrote about you."

Edward gasped jokingly, "You're writing about me?"

"All the time."

"Good things or…"

Max tilted her head and cheekily smiled, "You know what you have to do to find out."

Edward's mood seemed to shift in seconds. He was back to his inward, timid self. He muttered, "You're right. I've been hiding it from you."

"Why?"

"It's a part of me I like to keep for just myself. It's like… my dumping ground."

Max asked fearfully, "Like… hoarding?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Max crawled off the bed and struggled to stand, the pain between her legs still burning, "Let's go, then. I doubt it's that bad."

Edward raised, "Right now?"

"Might as well get it over with, come on. Remember, it's not going to change how I feel. It's just a part of you I haven't seen."

Edward sat from the bed hesitantly, watching Max limp out the bedroom, "It hurts that bad?"

"Nah," groaned Max, "Just hurts enough I walk weird," she looked back to him and smiled, "Take it as a compliment."

"I don't know if I should feel proud or worried."

They left the apartment and took Max's car to Edward's apartment building. It was near the slums of Tricorner, one of the more impoverish and dangerous places in Gotham. Stench of garbage was stronger, even in the cold. Homeless were lining the streets, and unsavoury individuals and dropheads took up half of Edward's neighbourhood. It was by all means a slum. Proof of Gotham's neglect. Where even sanitation seemed to have given up caring for the streets. They parked across the street and Max made sure to keep anything that looked like it could be stolen under the car seats. She locked up and exited the car first, Edward second with a dejection in his movements. He was gruelling the reveal, knowing there would be a reaction. He walked up to the door while pulling out his key. Inside the stairwell was the loudest fighting happening from one of the rooms in the apartment. They didn't know exactly where or what floor, but it was clearly violent and chaotic.

Max muttered, "What the hell is that?"

"They're always fighting." Edward said back.

"You know them?"

Edward sighed, "No. I just hear them. Ready to go back to your place, yet?"

They went up the stairs and Max stated, "Nope. Nice try. Let's see your apartment."

Edward came up to his unit. The carpets in the hallways before his unit were musky and caked in dust. A place that was owned but wasn't cared for.

Max thought to herself, slumlord, Gotham is famous for them.

Before Edward opened his unit he looked back to Max one last time.

"You promise it won't change anything?"

Max took his hand and smiled, "I promise."

"You have to remember. I've been staying at your place; I haven't really been keeping care of it."

"Edward, that's fine. Open the door."

Edward made another dejected sigh before unlocking the door and opening up to a cold, dark and musky apartment. Max walked in first, with Edward behind to the door frame, bracing himself. Max turned on a few lights coming inside. Not unkempt in the hallway, but the air smelt stale. Like any old, forgotten building. There was a hint of black mold in the air, as well. She walked into the kitchen and saw a few mysterious chemicals on the counter. A lot of them were littered in dangerous stickers. Acidic and toxic. She saw a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, but that didn't strike her as the chemicals did.

She gestured to them as Edward came into the room with her, "You got a lotta chemicals."

"Yeah…"

"You… use those for cleaning or…"

Edward muttered, "Not really. I just… like mixing them. Seeing what they create."

Max glanced up to him and nonchalantly nodded, "Right. Of course. Purely academic, right?"

"Uh. Yes?"

"Right." She walked from the kitchen, overall normal looking besides the chemicals. "I mean it's not that bad in here, I don't know what you were worried about," she continued as she walked into the next room, "Smells pretty moldy but you can't help that— oh, Jesus."

She stopped in the next room. A living room/bedroom— much like many studio apartments. However, this one had a bed and a desk. The desk was the only spot that was clean. Even precisely organized with pens and neatly stacked books. The bed was completely covered in books and ledgers. As well as the shelves and dressers lazily compiled with books, notebooks, ledgers, cards, and even some torn apart electronics. The floor had a path to the bed and desk, but it too was covered in books and paper. Max was lost for words for a while, looking at the books in piles of stacked high. A hoard of books, hundreds upon hundreds. Cluttered up to the wall like small mountains.

Edward stopped with her, saying sullenly, "I told you. It's… bad."

Max tore her eyes from the mess and said, "Well, it's not good. Have you read all of these?"

"Yeah. I've… run out of room but, I just keep getting more."

She replied, "I mean… you keep your desk tidy. That's good."

Edward sighed, "Go on. Say it. I've got a problem. That's what you're thinking."

"No! I mean… yeah, this isn't great but… I mean it's not the worst I've seen. Books are like the best option in hoarding. I watched a thing on TV once of a lady hoarding food. It was just all over the house rotting, turning into emulsified goop. That's bad. This is… okay. We can work with this."

Edward asked, "Work with this? Work with it how?"

"We're gonna clear this!" She said excitedly, "You've just told me you've already read all of them. So, you can clear space by getting rid of the ones you don't need and keeping the ones you want."

Edward asked nervously, "Get rid of them? Like… throw them out?"

"Or donate them. I mean, do you really need all of these? There's space in here for another bookshelf, I could help you with that. Still, it wouldn't be enough for all of these."

Edward said it plainly, "Max. I'm going to be honest. I don't think I'm ready to do that."

"Why?"

"Before I met you… books were the only thing I had. I didn't just see them as blocks of paper and ink— they were my friends. It sounds pathetic but… that's how I survived. Through the orphanage, through years of loneliness… books were the only things I had to keep me company. Every last one of them holds value. A memory. As significant as nostalgia. I don't have happy childhood memories to fall back on, books were my happy memories. This looks like a dump but… all of these books helped me in some way or another."

Max explained, "Okay. Just like any book, when you finish it, you move on to the next and give the last away. You're on a new chapter of your life, baby. Books helped you in your darkest times, but times aren't dark for you, anymore."

She walked up to him and took both of his hands. He leaned against the ridge of the wall, looking down to her in worry. Max continued, "My mom used to tell me something when she'd let me pick the toys for the yard sale. She'd ask me, 'Does it spark joy?' If I said no, then it got sold. It was hard at first to understand what that meant. Then I realized if it no longer serves a purpose, it's taking up space. Taking up time for me to grow." She gestured to the mess again, "These books served a purpose. Now they're just taking up the space you need to grow."

Edward said sadly, "You don't understand… you never had to cling on to something to survive."

Max looked from him and to the books, trying to remain as understanding as she could. Despite what he said, she understood the need far too well. The longing to hold onto something (even if inanimate) for some kind of survival.

Then she asked, "Remember that toy elephant I told you about? The blue one. His name was Mr. Trunks."

Edward thought for a moment, "Yeah, I think so. You were holding it in the pictures at your mom's place."

"I clung onto that thing. Every minute of my day I had it. The story I created for him, the experiences I collected, the comfort he gave me… it consumed me for a long time. Sure, I was five but… that kind of dependence has always stuck with me. I didn't give up that toy willingly. My mom took it away in the fourth grade because I kept taking it to school and got bullied for it. I was the kid with the lovey at ten years old. I might as well had been sucking my thumb."

Edward snickered with her, "That's not embarrassing. That's just adorable."

"It was embarrassing. Of course, I didn't think it was embarrassing then. I hated my mom so much for it. You wouldn't believe the fit I pulled. At ten years old, too. Screaming like a two-year-old. My dad wanted nothing to do with it, of course, he didn't want much to do with anything. But… I had to suck it up. Eventually the teasing stopped. I started making actual friends and doing actual things that meant something more than a comfort toy. I started realizing all of the things I was missing out on because I clung to that toy. All of the things that sparked actual joy. I always loved Mr. Trunks but… after Celeste I think it became an obsession. Because it was the only thing I still had that felt like her. And yet, if I hadn't loved that toy so much that I wouldn't leave the Webbler playground until it was found, it's likely Celeste would still be alive. That's my biggest regret. Letting my own comfort come before Celeste."

Edward grazed her cheek with his hand, "You were just a kid."

"Yeah… I've told myself that many times. Doesn't change anything. I've never clung onto anything else as I have Mr. Trunks. Only you."

"Me?"

Max smiled, "Yeah. You're my new Mr. Trunks. I'm making room for you so that we can grow. I know how hard it is. But… will you do the same for me?"

Edward softly said, "I would do anything for you. But… I'm scared."

"Don't be," smiled Max, "Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself so you can grow. You don't need the books anymore. You have something… someone to look forward to. You're looking at her."

Edward pushed up his glasses, trying to hide the finger slipping under his lenses to wipe a tear. He hunched down and she stood on her tiptoes. They kissed in a tight embrace, it turned into a long and healing hug. After some time, Max took him by the shoulders and said excitedly, "Tomorrow we'll start. Take a look at this place. You're not gonna recognize it soon."

Edward smiled and agreed, "Okay."

The next day was a Saturday. Edward and Max woke early and drove to the store for cleaning supplies, cardboard boxes and a shelving unit. They spent their entirety of the day cleaning and organizing Edward's apartment. He went through the books one by one. He decided which ones he'd like to keep and which ones he'd give away. Max would repeat 'Does it spark joy?' through the entire process— making him fully contemplate if he could read the book again. However, after some time he was filling boxes after boxes of books. Even the ones he could use again were being forgone as he was seeing the results of their climb. The floor coming into view was a freeing sight. As if the bars of a cage finally being opened. Max and Edward would stack the boxes in her car and make trips back and forth to the homeless shelter.

Edward gave them away to the library, the shelters and even a low-income home. Each place a new found pride as the smiling faces took them gladly. Some even offered to pay him for the volumes, but he'd decline. Soon the majority of Edward's books were out of the apartment. Max set up the shelving unit but ultimately needed help from Edward. The books that would fit were stacked there, and the others he wanted to keep organized on top. The floor was eventually bare, and Max went over it with the vacuum as Edward did his dishes. His bed was made, the bathroom cleaned the kitchen spotless. All the chemicals were tucked away under the sink from view. When Max came back from the last trip to give away books, she came back with a few things for his home as a surprise. A few plants, framed pictures of the two together, and even one of her own Himalayan lamps.

Edward asked as she was setting them up, "You know, I basically live at your place. We got the books out but there's no need to pretty the place up. Unless you're kicking me out again."

Max said back, "No, but now my place doesn't need to be our only sanctuary, does it? Tonight, I wanna sleep here."

"What? Why?"

"Because this was your space before you met me. And… I don't want to just clean the apartment. I want to clean the energy. Bring it back to life with new memories. This time in this apartment, you're not going to be alone."

Edward sat down on his bed, a bed that was finally free of clutter. He said, "This place is already so much brighter…"

She replied as she sat down with him, "It's growing. So are you."

They laid back into the bed together, the smell of lemon scented cleaners the smell of victory. Just like reaching the summit of a mountain and taking in the fresh air. Max and Edward wove into each other, kissing passionately on a brand-new surface untouched. A surface Edward never thought he'd have her on. Max giggled, "Let's break in this bed."

"Are you healed?"

Max claimed, "I just helped you clean your apartment. It's gonna have to be."

She pulled him down to her lips again. Every blemish of Edward now finally revealed. No corner of his secrecy left unexplored. They celebrated their feat on his bed together for the first time. A new space that could be a second home, or a retreat. Where each of the skeletons in their closet were dusted and brought out to the open. As well as the plants, lamp and pictures, Max brought her journal. A new entry recently written. Not to herself.

"You're reading this because we made a deal. So, I wanted to let you know how proud of you I am for how far you've come. How close I feel to you now that every room between us has been explored. Your rooms are always the most exciting, the most unique, and for me, the most loved. Every new thing I learn about you, I cherish you more. You and I are 'no-stone-unturned' types of people, and that mindset shared I've seen the most life-changing things. Some for the worst, most for the better. In the experiences we've had, we've built a foundation. Every day we add a new pillar, bricklayer, and roof tile. Building a home for just you and me. It doesn't need to be my apartment or yours. Doesn't need to be Gotham. As long as I'm with you, I'm home, Edward. I'll make way for your demons if you make room for mine. We can clear them together. Make room to grow. I couldn't pick anyone else to grow a life with but you. But you're gonna have to make way for my empty shampoo bottles because they're here to stay. Just like me."