Jane 1.12
We're at the hospital. Sam didn't go into detail about what happened. But even I know it's bad. Really bad.
"Sir, I'm so sorry to ask," says the receptionist. "There doesn't seem to be any insurance on file."
"Right. Uh, ok," Sam says and hands another card to her.
"Okay, Mr. Burkovitz."
Two cops appear. I take a breath and Sam wraps an arm around my shoulders.
"Look, we can finish this up later," says the cop glancing from Sam to me.
"No, no, it's okay. We were just taking a shortcut through the neighborhood. And, um, the windows were rolled down, we heard some screaming when we drove past the house, and we stopped. Ran in."
"And you found the kids in the basement?"
"Yeah."
"Well, thank God you did."
I nudge Sam when I see the doctor. Sam looks over, "Excuse us," he says to the cop.
"Sure. Thanks for your help."
"Hey, Doc. Is he…" Sam trails off.
"He's resting."
"And?"
"The electrocution triggered a heart attack. Pretty massive, I'm afraid."
"He's 26," I say. "How bad…how bad could it be?"
"Way more electricity ran through his body than ever should have. When I say it was massive, I mean that. Regardless of his age. His heart is damaged."
"How damaged?" asks Sam.
"We've done all we can. We can try and keep him comfortable at this point. But, I'd give him a couple weeks, at most, maybe a month."
"A month?" I scoff. "that's…"
"No, no," says Sam his hand tightening on my shoulder. "There's, there's...gotta be something you can do, some kind of treatment."
"We can't work miracles. I really am sorry."
-
Dean is just watching TV in his room. He looks terrible. He keeps watching but moves over as Sam and I come in and I climb onto the bed next to him.
"Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible," says Dean.
"This is what I have to live with when you and Sam leave me behind," I point out.
Dean cocks his head but continues staring at the TV, "Huh," he says.
"I talked to your doctor," Sam says.
"That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down."
"Dean."
Dean looks at Sam. He sees his face and turns off the TV.
"Yeah. All right, well, looks like you guys are gonna leave town without me."
"What?" I ask.
"What are you talking about? We're not gonna leave you here," Sam says.
"Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass."
"I don't think that's funny."
"Oh, come on, it's a little funny."
Sam looks down. He's trying not to cry. I can feel tears trying to escape my own eyes.
"Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story."
"Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options."
"What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."
"Dean," I say.
"Watch me," says Sam.
Sam and I go back to the hotel and try everything we can. Sam tries calling Dad ten times. I try twice as many. Neither of us manage to get through. Sam leaves a message and I pretend to be really invested in the research paper online about heart damage. We sit in silence after he throws his phone. But then there's a knock at the door. We eye each other and I shrug. Sam opens the door.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam asks.
I turn around and Dean is coming into the room.
"I checked myself out," Dean says.
"What, are you crazy?"
Dean is weak. He's leaning on everything. "Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."
Sam shuts the door. I go over to Dean and help him sit in a chair.
"You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it."
"Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me."
"We've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal."
"For what?"
"For recipes. What do you think, you numbskull?" I say.
"For a way to help you," says Sam. "One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist."
"You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you guys?"
"We're not gonna let you die, period. We're going."
It's raining when we get there. The parking lots is muddy and gross and there's a lot more people here than I thought when Sam explained it to me. Sam tries to help Dean out of the car but Dean's mad and says he can do it even though he looks worse now than he did a few days ago in hospital.
"Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor," says Dean.
"I believe I said a specialist. Look, Dean, this guy's supposed to be the real deal," says Sam.
"I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent."
"Reverend LeGrange is a great man," says a woman walking past.
"Yeah, that's nice."
There's a protestor with a cop talking with him. "I have a right to protest. This man is a fraud. And he's milking all these people out of their hard-earned money."
"Sir, this is a place of worship. Let's go. Move it," says the cop.
"I take it he's not part of the flock," says Dean as we carry on to the tent.
"But when people see something they can't explain, there's controversy," says Sam.
"I mean, come on, Sam, a faith healer?"
"Maybe it's time to have a little faith, Dean."
"You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on."
"How can you be a sceptic? With the things we see everyday?"
"Exactly. We see them, we know there real."
"Wait until you find out about the wind," I say.
"Shut up," says Dean.
"But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too?" asks Sam.
"Because I've seen what evil does to good people."
"Maybe God works in mysterious ways," says a woman.
Dean smiles at her. "Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject."
"Yeah, I'm sure."
Dean holds out his hand, "I'm Dean. This is Sam, and Jane."
She takes his hand. "Layla. So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here?"
"Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for all of us."
An older woman comes up to Layla, "Come on, Layla. It's about to start."
"Well, I bet you she can work in some mysterious ways." Dean says.
"Gross. We're at church," I say.
"It's a tent in a field," Dean says and we go inside. "Yeah, peace, love, and trust all over," says Dean.
I follow his gaze and there's a security camera. Dean tries to sit at the back, but Sam and I move him towards the front.
"Come on," says Sam.
"Don't! What are you doing? Let's sit here."
"We're sitting up front."
"What? Why?"
"He can't heal you if he can't see you," I say.
"Come on," says Sam. And drags Dean along.
"Oh come on, Sam," says Dean.
"You all right?" asks Sam.
"This is ridiculous," says Dean and slaps Sam away. "I'm good, dude, get off me."
Sam lets go and we go into some seats behind Layla. "Perfect."
"Yeah, perfect."
Sam leads me in front of him. "You take the aisle," says Sam.
We sit down. Dean looks miserable.
Roy is blind. So it kind of defeats the purpose of sitting close. But none of us are going to admit that.
"Each morning, my wife, Sue Ann, reads me the news. Never seems good, does it? Seems like there's always someone committing some immoral, unspeakable act. But, I say to you, God is watching."
"Yes he is," people from the crowd say.
"God rewards the good, and He punishes the corrupt."
The crowd cheers.
"Really?" I whisper to Sam.
"They're enthusiastic," Sam whispers back.
"It is the Lord who does the healing here friends. The Lord who guides me in choosing who to heal by helping me see into people's hearts."
"Yeah, and into their wallets," Dean says to Sam.
"You think so, young man?"
There's pure silence. It's awkward.
"Sorry," Dean says.
"No, no. Don't be. Just watch what you say around a blind man, we've got real sharp ears."
Even I laugh at that.
"What's your name, son?"
"Dean."
"Dean," the man nods. "I want-I want you to come up here with me."
The crowd claps. I nearly cheer.
"No it's okay," Dean says shaking his head.
"What are you doing?" Sam hisses at him.
"You've come here to be healed, haven't cha?"
"Well, yeah, but ahh... maybe you should just pick someone else."
The crowd cheers and claps.
"Oh, no. I didn't pick you, Dean, the Lord did."
"Get up there!" says Sam.
Dean goes up.
"You ready?"
"Look, no disrespect, but ahh, I'm not exactly a believer."
"You will be, son. You will be."
"Pray with me, friends."
People lift their arms up and the person beside me grabs my hand.
"Alright now. Alright now."
Dean's eyes go weird. He falls to his knees.
"Sam," I say.
"I'm sure it's fine," says Sam.
Dean falls back onto the floor.
"Dean!" Sam and I yell. We go to the stage. And the crowd is clapping. Are they insane?
Sam grabs Dean and his eyes open suddenly and he gasps.
"Say Something!" Sam yells.
Dean blinks and looks up. He looks…better? What the hell?
Dean seems fine. It's weird. He seems completely recovered. Immediately. It's…well, it's a miracle. Just to be sure, Sam says we should go see a doctor. They run all sorts of tests on Dean, and we have to wait. I get annoyed standing, and jump up to sit on the bed next to Dean.
"So, you really feel okay?" Sam asks as we wait.
"I feel fine, Sam," Dean answers, annoyed.
The doctor comes in, checking the paperwork. "Well, according to all your tests there's nothing wrong with your heart. No sign there ever was. Not that a man your age should be having heart trouble, but, still it's strange it does happen."
"What do you mean, strange?" asks Dean.
"Well, just yesterday, a young guy like you, twenty-seven, athletic. Out of nowhere, heart attack."
"Thanks, Doc."
"No problem," the doctor says as he leaves.
"That's odd."
"Maybe it's a coincidence," Sam says. "People's hearts give out all the time, man."
"No, they don't."
"Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on?"
"Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why."
"What feeling?"
"When I was healed, I just...I felt wrong. I felt cold. And for a second...I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit."
"A healing spirit, though?" I ask. "Now that is strange."
"No…something else."
"But if there was something there, Dean," says Sam, "I think I would've seen it, too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately."
"Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. But you're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this."
Sam sighs. "Yeah, alright. So, what do you wanna do?"
"I want you to go check out the heart attack guy," Dean says. "Munch and I will visit the reverend."
Roy and Sue Ann invite Dean and I in. We sit down and Sue Ann fills our glasses with water.
"How you feeling now, boy?" asks Roy.
"I feel great. Just trying to, you know, make sense of what happened," says Dean.
"A miracle is what happened. Well, miracles come so often around Roy," says Sue Ann.
"When did they start? The miracles."
"Woke up one morning, stone blind," says Roy. Doctors figured out I had cancer. Told me I had maybe a month. So, uh, we prayed for a miracle. I was weak, but I told Sue Ann, 'You just keep right on praying.' I went into a coma. Doctors said I wouldn't wake up, but I did. And the cancer was gone." Roy takes off his sunglasses. His eyes are pure white. I have to stop myself from gasping. Sue Ann eyes me. "If it wasn't for these eyes, no one would believe I'd ever had it."
"But you still can't see?" I ask.
"God works in mysterious ways," says Sue Ann.
Roy just smiles. "Miracles aren't always what we expect," he says, "Sometimes they're just what God knows you need. My cancer disappeared. And I woke up from a coma. Pretty miraculous."
"And after you woke up, suddenly you could heal people."
"I discovered it afterward, yes. God's blessed me in many ways."
"And his flock just swelled overnight. And this is just the beginning," says Sue Ann.
"Can I ask you one last question?"
"Of course you can," says Roy.
"Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"
"Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest."
"What did you see in my heart?"
"A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished."
I smile at that. Sounds about right. I smile over a Dean, who just looks surprised.
Dean and I leave and as we are, Layla and her mother are about to go in.
"Dean, hey," says Layla.
"Hey."
"How you feeling?"
"I feel good. Cured, I guess. What are you doing here?"
"You know, my mom, she wanted to talk to the reverend."
Sue Ann comes outside. "Layla?"
"Yes, I'm here again."
"Well, I'm sorry, but Roy is resting. He won't be seeing anyone else right now."
"Sue Ann, please. This is our sixth time, he's got to see us," says Layla's mom.
"Roy is well aware of Layla's situation. And he very much wants to help just as soon as the Lord allows. Have faith, Mrs. Rourke."
Sue Ann goes back inside and Layla's mother turns at us, glaring at Dean.
"Why are you still even here? You got what you wanted."
"Mom. Stop," says Layla.
"No, Layla, this is too much. We've been to every single service. If Roy would stop choosing these strangers over you. Strangers who don't even believe. I just can't pray any harder."
"Layla, what's wrong?" asks Dean.
"I have this thing..." Layla says.
"It's a brain tumor. It's inoperable. In six months, the Doctors say..." Layla's mom says but then Layla puts her hand on her mom's shoulder and she stops talking.
"I'm sorry," says Dean.
"It's okay," says Layla.
"Is it?" I ask her.
Layla just shrugs but her mother looks at her. "No. It isn't." She turns back to Dean. "Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?"
"Hey, that's not fair-" I start but Dean pulls me back by my arm.
Layla's mom leaves, Layla takes a breath and follows them.
We drive back to motel and Sam is on his laptop.
"What'd you find out?" asks Dean.
I lay down on the bed.
"I'm sorry," Sam says.
Dean throws his jacket on the bed next to me and goes to Sam. "Sorry about what?"
"Marshall Hall died at 4:17."
"The exact time I was healed."
I sit back up on the bed.
"Yeah. So, I put together a list of everyone Roy's healed, six people over the past year, and I cross-checked them with the local obits. Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim d*ed of the Same symptom LeGrange was healing at the time."
"Someone's healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?" asks Dean.
"Somehow. LeGrange...he's trading a life for another."
"Wait, wait, wait. So, Marshall Hall died to save me?"
"More like sacrificed," I say.
"Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed."
"You never should've brought me here," says Dean.
"Dean, I was just trying to save your life," says Sam.
"But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me."
"I didn't know."
"The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?"
"Oh, he's not doing it."
"Something else is doing it for him."
"Something else?" I ask.
"The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew."
"You knew what? What are you talking about?"
"There's only one thing that can give and take life like that…We're dealing with a reaper." Dean sits down at the table with Sam.
"You really think it's THE Grim Reaper? Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?" asks Sam.
"No no no, not THE reaper, A reaper. There's reaper law in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names, it's possible that there's more than one of them."
"But you said you saw a dude in a suit."
"What, you think he shoulda been working the whole black robe thing?...You said it yourself that the clock stopped right? Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why I could see it and you couldn't."
"Maybe."
"There's nothing else it could be Sam. The question is how is Roy controlling the damn thing?"
"That cross."
"What cross?" I ask.
"There was this cross, I noticed it in the church and I knew I had seen it before," says Sam.
Sam looks through some papers and snorts. He holds a card up to Dean. "Here," he says. Dean looks at the card.
"A tarot?" asks Dean.
"It makes sense."
"It does?" I ask.
" A tarot dates back to the early Christian era right, when some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff? Necromancy and how to push death away, how to cause it?"
"So Roy's using black magic to bind the reaper?" asks Dean.
"If he is he's riding the whirlwind. It's like putting a dog leash on a great white."
Dean gets up. "Ok then we stop Roy."
"How?"
"You know how."
"Wait, what the hell are you talking about Dean, we can't kill Roy."
"Sam the guys playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book."
"But he's a person," I say.
"We're not going to kill a human being Dean," says Sam. "We do that we're no better than he is."
"Ok, we cant kill Roy, we can't kill death. Any bright ideas college boy?" asks Dean.
"Ok. uh...If Roy's using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we gotta...figure out what it is. And how to break it."
"That sounds a lot better than murder," I say under my breath.
"I agree," says Sam.
Dean doesn't look either of us in the eye.
We drive back down to the tent church. There's another service today the sign says.
"Jesus, how many times does this guy open shop?" I ask.
"Too many," says Dean as he parks and we get out of the car.
"If Roy's using a spell, there might be a spell book," says Sam.
"See if you two can find it," says Dean. He looks at his watch. "Hurry up too, the service starts in fifteen minutes. I'll try to stall Roy."
A man holds out a leaflet for Dean and says, "Roy LeGrange is a fraud. He's no healer."
"Amen brother," Dean says.
"You keep up the good work," Sam adds.
The man thanks them.
Sam and I head to the house and wait by the corner of the porch for Roy and his wife to leave. Sam climbs in a window, and I follow after. Sam goes to the bookshelf and I keep an eye out.
"Huh," says Sam.
"What?" I ask.
"A hidden book."
"He's blind."
"Exactly."
I peer out the window and see no one nearby and go over to Sam. He's looking at a picture of a reaper, the cross thing, and newspaper articles.
I take the top one and read. "The guy that died of heart attack for Dean was…openly gay and a teacher. Ok…"
"The woman who just died was an abortion rights advocate," Sam says.
"The people who die are being targeted?"
"Seems like it," says Sam.
"The reaper has old school Christian morals?" I ask Sam.
"Or Roy does…There's another thing here…leaflet guy."
"But he's not dead."
"No…" Sam pulls out his phone and calls Dean. "We need to get out of here," he says to me and head out. Sam starts talking to Dean on the phone. "Roy's choosing victims he sees as immoral. And I think I know who's next on his list. Remember that protestor? …Yeah. Yeah, I'll find him. But you can't let Roy heal anyone, alright?"
Sam and I go back to the carpark.
"I don't see him," I say.
"Check behind cars," Sam says. "It may have already started."
I start looking around cars, going the opposite way to Sam.
"HELP!" someone screams.
I try and follow where it came from, but the carpark is like a maze.
"Help! Help me please!" he calls again.
I find the man and Sam is already there. "Where is he?" Sam asks.
The man grabs Sam and points. "Right there!" he points behind me.
Sam grabs the man. "Come on."
I follow them as they run away from the tent. Sam's phone rings and he answers it. "David," Sam says. "I think it's ok."
I look around, as if I would see anything.
"NO!" screams David.
"Dean it didn't work. The reaper's still coming!" Sam says. "I'm telling you, I'm telling you it didn't work. Roy must not be the one controlling this thing."
David looks terrified, but there's nothing I can do. I stand there. Completely helpless. But then, David drops, gasping for air.
"I got you. I got you," Sam says, helping him back up.
"Thank God," says David.
"Yeah, right," I say.
We get back to the motel and Dean tells us that Roy obviously thinks he really is a healer.
"I don't think he has any idea what his wife's doing," says Dean.
"Well, I found this," he hands Dean the book he found in their house. "Hidden in their library. It's ancient. Written by a priest who went dark side. There's a binding spell in here for trapping a reaper."
"Must be a hell of a spell."
"Yeah. You gotta build a black alter with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. To cross a line like that, a preacher's wife. Black magic. murder. Evil"
"Desperate. Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy."
"Cheating death, literally."
"Seems just a tiny bit extreme, no?" I say.
"Yeah but Roy's alive, so why is she still using the spell?" asks Dean.
"Right. To force the reaper to kill people she thinks are immoral," says Sam.
"But she let Roy save Dean," I say. "She doesn't think he's moral I bet."
Dean sighs. "May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work."
"We gotta break that binding spell."
Dean looks at the book. "You know Sue Ann had a Coptic cross like this. When she dropped it, the reaper backed off."
"So you think we gotta find the cross or destroy the alter?"
"Maybe both. Whatever we do we better do it soon, or he's healing Layla tonight."
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Dean asks as I go to leave with him and Sam.
"Coming," I say. "Isn't it obvious?"
"No, no, no," says Dean. "You're ass is staying here, Jane. You're not getting anywhere near this psycho."
"Dean," I argue.
"No," he says in his 'you do as I say' voice. Which really doesn't have the same oomph behind it as Dad's version of the voice.
"Do you really think it matters where I am? If she sicks her reaper on me I'm gonna die regardless, and you won't even know because I'll be here. Alone."
Dean has no words.
"Dude, she's got a point," Sam says.
"I hate you both right now."
Dean turns out the lights on the car before we reach the church tent.
"That's Layla's car," says Sam. "She's already here."
Dean nods. "Yeah."
"Dean…"
"You know if Roy would've picked Layla instead of me she'd be here right now. And if she's not healed tonight she's gonna die in a couple of months."
"What's happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself Dean, you can't play God."
"We can still save one life tonight," I add.
Dean sits there without saying anything. But then he gets out of the car. Sam and I follow. We go to the tent and peer in. Roy is in their with a small group and Layla and her mom.
"Where's Sue Ann?" asks Dean.
"House," says Sam.
We go over to the house, it's dark, but she has to be here.
"Go find Sue Ann," says Dean. "I'll catch up."
"What are you going-" Sam starts but Dean pushes him away and goes around to the front of the house.
"Hey!" Dean calls. "You gonna put that fear of God in me?"
The cops chase Dean away. Sam and I run up the stairs to the house. It's dark everywhere.
"She's not here," I tell Sam as I come back down the doors.
We go to leave but Sam stops. "Wait," he says to me.
I see where he's looking, the basement. Oh great.
We go towards the door to the basement. "Wait here," Sam whispers to me.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously," Sam whispers and then opens the door and slips inside.
He's in there for a little bit before I peer in to see. Oh it's charming. Dead animals and blood everywhere. Yes, very Christian-y. I wonder what Roy's followers would say if they could see the true altar. I see the back of Sue Ann. Oh crap.
"I gave your brother life and I can take it away," she says to Sam.
He obviosuyl didn't hear her coming. But Sam tips over the table and- oh no. Sue Ann is running up the stairs to me, the door opens on me and she screams when she sees me.
"You're a wicked little girl," she says.
Which catches me off guard. She grabs my shoulder and shoves me through the door. I trip down the stairs. I try to catch myself but end up just slipping more until I land on the bottom. Sam helps me up.
"You okay?" he asks.
I nod even though my butt is killing me. Sam runs back up the stairs, but Sue Ann must've barred the doors.
"Can't you see?" Sue Ann calls down to us. "The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked and he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live. It is God's will."
"God's will my ass!" I scream up at her.
Sam comes back down to the basement and looks around.
"Goodbye Sam and Jane," she says.
Sam pulls wood out from the wall and smashes a boarded-up window. "Jane," he says.
I come over and Sam makes a boost for me from his hands. I go up and clear the rest of the boarded window and crawl through as Sam lifts my leg higher. I look around, Sue Ann ran to the tent. I can just make her out, hunched over her totem thing, praying, for lack of a better word. Sam jumps up to the hole and pulls himself through. He immediately runs at Sue Ann, he throws the totem aside and when I get there I see she also had a bottle of blood. Sue Ann falls to her knees and looks at the spilled blood.
"My god, what have you done?" she screams.
"He's not your God," says Sam.
Sue Ann looks up, then gets up and starts to run. But then she freezes. Her head at a funny angle. Her eyes go blank and she falls back down to her knees.
"Sam…" I start.
Sam grabs my arm and pulls me to him. I watch Sue Ann convulse once before Sam pulls my head into his chest. I don't hear Sue Ann moving anymore.
"Come on," Sam says. He leads me away, not letting me look back.
We get to the car and Dean is there.
"You okay?" Sam asks him.
Dean shakes his head. "Hell of a week," he says. Dean looks at me and his face changes. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing," I lie.
"Sure, Munch," he says.
"All right, come on," Sam says. "We should get going."
I climb into the backseat, put my seatbelt on and press my hands to my knees to stop them from shaking. I tell myself I'm fine. People die all the time. But a part of me says 'but not right in front of you'. And all I can think of is how that could've been Dean just then. And how grateful I am that it wasn't. How selfish is that?
"Oi."
I look up. Dean has opened the door and is looking down at me in the car.
"We're back," he says.
I look forward. We're at the motel. "Oh," I say.
"Come on," he says.
Dean holds his hand out and I take it and get out of the car. Dean closes the door behind me. Sam must already be inside.
"What happened?" Dean asks.
"Nothing."
"I know it's not nothing. What happened?"
"Sue Ann…" I start. My throat catches. I clear it. "She…right in front of me. I watched the life drain out of her, Dean."
"Yeah, that's…" he can't seem to find the words.
"How old were you?" I ask.
"How was I when?"
"When you saw someone…die?"
"Uh…you know, I don't remember."
"Liar."
"Did Sam really just let you…watch?"
I scoff. "Not the actual death part…but…she was already," I clear my throat again, "anyway."
"Come on, let's go inside. You should get some sleep," Dean says and heads to the motel.
"Can I just…have a minute?" I ask.
Dean looks back at me, still leaning on the car. He hesitates but then says, "Sure."
I take a breath. Dean goes inside and I pull out my phone. I hesitate, but realize I'm being stupid. I call Dad. Of course. Voicemail. Telling me to call Dean. That he can help. But all I've had is Dean's help. For months now. I need more.
"Dad," I start, my voice is already shaking. "It's been the worst week." I take a breath and everything comes pouring out. "Dean nearly died. Sam found a healer, who healed him. But it turned out his wife was controlling a reaper, swapping lives of the immoral to save whoever her husband laid his hands on. We stopped it but…Dad, so many people have died. Someone died for Dean. And the woman…she died in front of me. The reaper got her back. But Dad…" the tears spill out now. "I need you." Only then do I think how pathetic I'm being. I hang up. Take a breath. Wipe my eyes. I go inside.