Chapter Five: Love and Loss

"Roses are red. Mornings are hard. I suck at poetry. Coffee." - Unknown

Danny

I have no idea what to do with myself until Reaper gets whatever it is they're looking for. So, I head back to Earth as instructed and do my usual patrol. I hope Reaper agrees to my plan. I have a gut feeling that it could work. And, if it doesn't, I'll figure something else out.

I didn't notice how much time had passed between school letting out and me returning from the Ghost Zone. The sun is low in the sky, bathing it in reds and pinks and oranges. I wonder if Jazz is home yet and knows what happened with Mom.

My human cellphone (as in, the cellphone that doesn't work in the Ghost Zone) vibrates, and I pull it out, expecting Mom or Jazz or Dad. It's actually Sam.

I take the call, and her exasperated tone comes through. "I saw you fly by. Are you gonna explain what you're doing now?"

"Yeah. Sorry for running out on you," I say sheepishly. I pause in my flight path to sit on top of a street light. My wispy tail sways in the breeze. "Is Tucker around?"

"He is. And, so is Jazz. She was on her way home and found us. Now she's our ride, but that can change if you have news."

I was only going to tell Sam and Tucker, but it would be easier to explain it to everyone at once.

Of course, that would mean facing Mom…

And, if Jazz is just getting home, there's a good chance she doesn't know about that yet. I'm not sure I have the energy to be psycho-babbled.

"Danny? You there?"

"Yeah. Sorry." I say. "Um, you guys head to my place. I'll call Dash, Paulina, and Val- No, she's still at work." At least she already knows my plan. "So, just Dash and Paulina. Maybe Vlad and Eileen, too."

"Impromptu Team Phantom meeting featuring Vlad," Sam chuckles in surprise. "You must have something big!"

"I hope I do. Grim hasn't agreed to anything yet, so I might be calling it early. But, I have a good feeling they'll say yes." A harsh, cold breath leaves my mouth. "But first, Ghost Sense."

I hang up and get back in the air and on high alert. Until I see what triggered my Ghost Sense. Mira Scott is a short woman with green skin, tangled dark green hair that hangs past her shoulders and is held down by a striped beanie, and glowing red but otherwise human-looking eyes. She's put on some weight - or rather, let her form look like it put on weight - since turning her lair into a diner. She claimed that she'd always planned to pack on a few pounds once she finished culinary school (which she sadly never had the chance to go to). "You know what they say," she'd said when I mentioned it outside of my mind like an idiot. "Never trust a skinny chef!" She still slapped me, though.

Mira flies over to me once she spots me. "There you are. I was hoping I wouldn't have to search the Ghost Zone."

"And, you don't." I give her a welcome kiss and give my lips a few exaggerated smacks. Since my girlfriend's Obsession is food, I've made a game out of guessing what she's been making based on what her lips taste like. It's a fun game. "You taste like cheese. Macaroni, again? You seem to be making that a lot lately."

Mira groans, but there's humor in the sound. "I told you my uncles adopted another kid, right?"

"Sounds familiar."

"Well, every time I visit, he demands mac and cheese."

"Kid's got good taste."

Mira rolls her eyes then turns serious. "I had to check on you in person. Any luck with Reaper?"

"Maybe," I say. "I was about to head home and let everyone know the plan, assuming Grim agrees to it. You can come too. Just give me a few minutes to make some calls.

Mira floats off to the side while I call Eileen, Dash, Paulina, and Vlad in that order. Mama and Vlad are on their way. Mira and I agree to pick up Dash and Paulina ourselves. I'm happy to hear that, while Paulina is still on the outs with her parents, they cooled their jets after I told them off. I guess they respect me a lot, and my being friends with their daughter is icing on the cake.

As Mira and I fly to Paulina's house, which is the closest, my girlfriend says suddenly, "Bub was asking about you."

"You saw Bub?" I ask.

Bub is a toddler ghost who imprinted on me when he was only a couple months old and less than that dead. I'd give anything for him to live on Earth with me, but his heart - er, core - belongs in the Ghost Zone. It's actually better for a young ghost's development if they're able to roam free, but that doesn't stop me from wanting him near me. Nor does it stop me from visiting him at least once a week.

"I was passing his lair and thought I'd say hi," Mira explains. She winks. "Gotta make sure my boyfriend's kid likes me! Anyway, I told him you were sick and that he probably wouldn't see you for a while."

I fight a guilty wince. "Does a fixation count as an illness?"

Mira shrugs. "Heck if I know. I just couldn't think of a better way to explain that he would understand. I told him you were doing okay, though."

"I'll have to go see him after this fixation business is over with," I say. "The last thing I want is for my core to wig out right in front of him. Hopefully, this will all be over soon."

The gang's all here - minus Valerie - and crammed together in my living room. I am still in ghost-form and floating before everyone as I outline my plan to hook myself up to an Ecto-Dejecto IV and work my angelic healing magic. Reactions are…mixed.

Tucker, who managed to commandeer the couch along with Sam and Jazz, is the first to offer feedback. "That could either work perfectly or completely obliterate you with no in between."

Jazz crosses her arms and lies back in her seat. "I say it's too risky."

"I second that," Mira says.

Mom nods at her. "Third. Obviously, I'm no expert when it comes to things like cores and angels, but I do know that using the Healing Touch under normal circumstances is dangerous. Ecto-Dejecto is good, but is it that good?"

Sam glares at her. "Oh, so now you care." Mom flinches, and I get a small, unwanted piece of satisfaction from it. Sam turns to me. "As for me, I'm on the fence."

"I'm not!" Dad chimes in with a prideful enthusiasm. He rises from the armchair and places his fist over his puffed-out chest. "That Ecto-Dejecto is Fenton work! And, nothing beats Fenton work!"

Jazz turns a raised eyebrow on him. "Is that why the ham growls at us every time we open the fridge?"

Dad sheepishly sits back down.

Paulina taps her chin. The doctors confirmed that I fixed her hand, so she no longer needs bandages. "It could work. You all heard about how much he was able to do at the hospital."

"I'm with Paulina," Dash says with a wide grin. "If he can cure cancer and still have energy to burn, who knows what else he can do?"

"He could melt," Eileen points out. "While I agree that his actions on the Ecto-Dejecto are impressive - miraculous, even! - we're not talking about curing a human disease. We're talking about the core of one of the most powerful beings in existence! That's far from the same thing." She directs her attention to Vlad, who is in human-form and is leaning against the wall with his fingers steepled and his dark blue eyes narrowed in thought. "You're awful quiet over there."

Vlad doesn't respond, but I can see his mind working.

"Let's assume it does work," Jazz says. "There could be all kinds of side effects. And, I'm not talking about on Reaper's end."

"I don't care," I say.

"You should," Vlad says. He walks up to me with his hands behind his back and a superior look that is betrayed by the tint of nervousness in his voice. "The Healing Touch takes a massive toll on your core. God only knows what sort of aftermath your plan would entail." When I open my mouth to argue, he adds, "That being said, your plan is not a bad one. You want my opinion? Run some more tests first and then decide whether or not to carry it out. If you would like, you can come to my lab and we can work together on this."

"We have a lab right here," Mom interjects. "You're welcome to use ours, Vlad."

Vlad blinks at her in shock, and he isn't the only one. Not so long ago, my biological family members - and only my biological ones - learned that "Vlad Plasmius" had been captured and vivisected by the Guys in White. That, along with Vlad's desire to atone for his past mistakes (read: fruit-loopy-ness), led to us allowing him to use our house as sanctuary if need be.

Of course, sleeping on our couch is different from poking around at our equipment. Mom is sincere in her offer - I can tell - but the part of me that wants to say thanks…

"No offense to you and Dad, Maddie, but Vlad's lab is better equipped for halfas."

Who said that? Everyone is aiming stunned looks in my direction. Did that stoic, matter-of-fact voice come out of me?

That voice keeps talking. "Dad, I assume you want to help?"

Dad blinks owlishly. "Um, sure." Mom is standing beside his chair with her head down. Dad takes her hand and suggests hopefully, "You know, your mom would be an asset."

Mom lifts her head, silently begging.

I curl my hands into fists at my sides, but that only makes them shake more. I take a quivering breath in then let it out and turn away from Maddie even though I want to run to her and apologize for…something.

(I can't do this anymore.)

"Mama," I say to Eileen while ignoring a gasp from Maddie, "I know you're not a scientist, but do you think you could help out?"

Dash and Paulina start whispering to each other, probably wondering just how bad that fight I mentioned really was.

Sam sends me an approving nod.

Tucker busies himself by polishing his glasses on his shirt.

Jazz is gazing at me with what I've come to think of as her "psychologist eyes."

Vlad is glancing between me and Maddie with a similar look.

Mira tilts her head like a curious puppy and asks, "Did I miss something?"

Dad chastises, "Danny, you know who I'm talking about."

Maddie takes her hand back from Dad and shrinks into herself.

Eileen stammers and gestures in Maddie's direction before turning invisible.

"I'll take that as a no," I say in response to my mama's reaction.

There is a lot I want to do right now. Cry, scream, apologize to Maddie for that unknown thing.

Stop thinking of her as "Maddie." That's what I want to do the most.

But, something broke today. Something that broke several times before. This time…

This time, I can't tape it back together.

My ghost phone vibrates. I check it and see that Reaper has given me the perfect excuse to leave this suffocating room.

"It's Grim," I say. "I have to take this." I dart into the kitchen and savor the lighter oxygen before answering my phone. "Hey, Grim."

"I have given your plan thought," they say in lieu of a greeting. "I just finished discussing it with Frostbite, and…"

"And?" I prompt when Reaper hesitates.

There is trepidation in their voice. "I still do not like it, but…but I will allow your attempt. Provided that we do this in the Far Frozen, as the Frozener doctors are familiar enough with the two of us to be equipped to handle any…issues that may arise."

This is the best my core has felt in days. "Thank you! Thank you, Grim! When do you wanna do this? Can we do it now? Is that an option? There's plenty of Ecto-Dejecto in the lab. My human parents went a little overboard once we found a formula that worked."

Reaper hums on the other line. "You said you exhausted yourself at the hospital, correct? Perhaps tomorrow."

"Okay!" I agree. "Tomorrow's Saturday, so I can meet you in the Far Frozen in the morning."

"Is that sufficient time for you to recover? And, what of your fixation? Will you be alright until then?"

Their concern warms me (after the way Maddie's been acting). "Yeah. That works. I can't wait!" I involuntarily bounce on my feet.

I hear Reaper quietly laugh at my enthusiasm. "Just do not come too early. You still have your human body to care for. Leave yourself time for nourishment."

I start to speak, stop myself, then say, "Did you just refer to breakfast as nourishment?"

"Breakfast is a form of nourishment, correct? I do not require such things myself, so…"

I laugh. "I promise I'll eat breakfast."

"Very good. Then, I shall see you tomorrow at the medical ward."

"You bet! I'll see you then."

I hang up and manage to feel good for a change. I picture the image of Reaper I saw in a book. An image of them before their core was damaged. A handsome pale blue-gray face and a toned, wiry body with feathery reddish orange wings sprouting from their back. In place of their cloak, they had been wearing a brown tunic and an ankle-length black skirt.

What will they wear once their core is fixed? Something similar to the outfit in the book? Will they be more masculine-presenting or feminine-presenting? They didn't wear shoes in the picture. Will they wear shoes once they're back to their old self?

Actually, do they wear shoes now? I don't recall ever seeing their feet…

A horrible thought hits. What if this doesn't work? Or, what if it does work but not entirely? Reaper's core could be only partially healed, which would still be an improvement but how much of one? Or, their core could be completely healed, but they could still be stuck with their disfigured form or their severely limited abilities. What would we do then?

I'm about to have either a panic attack or a core attack when someone clears their throat. I turn around and see that Dad has joined me in the kitchen. He doesn't need to speak; the seriousness on his face tells me exactly what this is about.

His words confirm it. "Son, I know you're angry with your mother, and I understand why, but-"

I hold up my hands. "Dad, can we not do this? Grim just agreed to my idea. Can I please be in a good mood for a few minutes?"

Dad pinches the bridge of his nose before continuing. "That's good to hear, but it's not what we need to talk about. Obviously, with everyone here, now isn't the best time. But, I want you to know that we will be talking about this-"

"No," I say. So much for my good mood. "Dad, you don't get it. You don't know what's been in my head!" I rake my hands through my hair and stare at my feet. "I…I can't do this anymore. Every time I think it's going to be okay, it's not! At least I never have to question if you still love me-"

The sight of Maddie Fenton standing behind Dad cuts me off. Dad follows my gaze.

"I, uh, told everyone to go home," Maddie says awkwardly. "Except for Jazz. Obviously."

Dad nods at me then bends over to kiss Maddie on the head. "Good luck," he whispers to her.

(She's going to need it.)

I spot Jazz trying to eavesdrop. Dad pulls her away by the arm, probably off to explain the situation to her. This leaves me and Maddie alone together. I wrap my arms around my torso and go back to staring at my feet.

"Are you going to apologize again?" I ask numbly.

Maddie doesn't respond for a moment. Then comes a quivering, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I say honestly. "I…I don't think I'm capable of hating you." I groan and place my hand over my face. (I'm so tired.) "I've tried, you know? I've tried to hate you. But, it just doesn't happen. No matter what I do, no matter what you do, no matter what I tell myself…I still look at you and feel love."

"That-that's good!" Maddie stammers with fragile hope. "It means we can fix this!"

I lower my hand, let it flop down with its counterpart. I still can't raise my head. "I don't know if we can, Maddie. You hurt me. Badly. Not just today, but so many times. When you didn't know I was a ghost, I could take it. I could tell myself that it was okay, that it wasn't your fault. It hurt so much…but it was easier to bear because you didn't know. You and Dad. Then you learned the truth, and you guys were so kind to me about it that I thought it would be okay. And then it wasn't. The difference between you is that Dad is willing to listen. You're not."

"I am!" Maddie grabs my cold spectral hands. "Danny, I am willing to listen! I love you! I told you that nothing would change that, and I meant it!"

"Then, why doesn't it feel that way?!" I snap. I meet her gaze, and I regret doing so. That broken look on her face makes me want to forgive her and/or apologize for putting that look there in the first place.

Maybe that's the mysterious thing I keep wanting to apologize for.

I rip my hands away. My throat is tight and my eyes are burning, but I've finally run out of tears. "Every time you apologize, I forgive you. Every time I forgive you, I get hurt again! Don't!" I snap when she tries to speak. "Don't tell me you're sorry! Don't promise to be better! Just stop!" Deep breath in. Deep breath out. "I don't know what to do with you. It's like… It's like…" Like I've stopped seeing you as my mother despite how much I love you. Like this weight has finally crushed me after all this time.

Like we're both broken but for different reasons.

I look down and wrap my arms around myself again. I desperately want to cry, but my body won't let me.

"Danny," Maddie chokes out, "I can be better! I-"

My body won't let me yell at her anymore either. "What did I say about making promises?" (It hurts.) "I…" (It really, really hurts.) "I don't feel like your son anymore."

Maddie makes a small, ruined sound. Neither of us is crying. Both of us want to.

A sharp breath escapes me. At first, I think that sob found its way out, but then the cold sensation in my throat registers. "There's a ghost. I should check it out."

Maddie grabs my arm when I move past her. I don't turn around, not even when I hear the emotion in her voice. "I still feel like your mother. I always will."

My heart is at war with itself. For once, I am grateful for the sight of civilians running and screaming outside the windows. Without them, I'd turn around and take back everything I said.

I need to stop doing that.

So, I yank my arm away. The space where her hand used to be feels terribly cold.

I turn invisible so no one can see where I'm coming from as I phase through the wall. Floating glowing cardboard boxes are hovering on their sides, their contents blasting out of them and at innocent passersby. The boxes' owner flies above the chaos and shouts, "Yes! Quake in fear of my cardboard packaging of doom!"

Hello, misplaced aggression.

Instead of sending the Box Ghost back to the Ghost Zone like I normally would, I grab some things from my room then bring him back to his Haunt: the abandoned warehouse he died in. I apologize for being so much rougher with him than usual, use my powers to heal his wounds, and explain that I'd been having a tough day and used him as an outlet.

"I shouldn't have done that," I say as we hover just outside of the warehouse, which hides in a more forested area. "I mean, I'd have beaten you up anyway, but still."

Box Ghost waves me off. "It's all good. I'm used to being a punching bag."

I rub the back of my neck with a bitter chuckle. "I can relate. FYI, I'm gonna be doing my homework here." I hike up my backpack to emphasize this. "And…maybe spending the night if that old offer is still on the table."

About a year ago, Boxy discovered how bad I had it with ghost hunter parents - who didn't know what I was at the time - and told me I could chill at his Haunt when I needed a break. We ended up becoming friends after that, which makes me feel even worse about beating him to a pulp. More of a pulp than usual, this is.

Box Ghost frowns. "I thought your folks were cool with you being a ghost."

I paste on a smile. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean they don't screw up." That's too close to the truth, and a lie tumbles out of me because I've gotten so used to lying that it seems to just happen now. "My house...might be full of ghost repellent right now."

Box Ghost shivers and grimaces. "Thanks for the warning. I'll be sure to steer clear."

As he flies off, I add, "Just don't cause any more trouble, Boxy Boxy Boxen Free!"

He turns around with an annoyed look. "I thought you ran out of puns."

"I ran out of Larry puns." For context, Boxy's living name is Lawrence.

Box Ghost rolls his eyes then takes off into the night.

Once I'm alone, I drop the "I'm fine" act and check my human and ghost phones. They've been going off since my fight with Box Ghost, and I've been ignoring them this whole time. There are a lot of missed calls from Maddie and a few from Dad and Jazz and at least one from everyone else, including Valerie. I assume someone told her what happened.

A lot of texts too, mostly asking if I'm alright. Each one gets a similar response: I'm okay, but I don't feel like talking.

I send Vlad an extra message: How did you get my number? Also…you know how to text?

Vlad's reply: Your father gave it to me.

Vlad's reply immediately after: And, I am not THAT old! *angry emoji*

Vladimir Freaking Masters uses emojis. I'll never look at him the same way again.

I phase into the old building and return to human-form once I touchdown on the broken and plant-ridden hardwood floor that hasn't seen human life in decades. The set-up that Box Ghost left me so long ago is still here. The air mattress needs inflated, but thankfully the air pump is lying next to it. The pillow and folded moon-and-star patterned blanket are on top of the mattress. I check the battery-powered mini fridge and find that it's still cold and stocked with juice boxes and yogurt tubes. I check the food and drink, and neither of them have expired. Has Box Ghost been changing the batteries and keeping the fridge stocked for me? Even though it's been ages since I've slept here?

Not for the first time, I feel as though my former enemy cares more about me than my human parents. Or, parent, I should say.

I toss my backpack on the floor and inflate the air mattress. Then I pull out my science homework. I move the pillow and blanket out of the way and plop my textbook, worksheets, and myself on the air mattress and get to work.

I still can't cry.

I must have been more exhausted than I thought. I woke up with my face in my math book and a crick in my neck and checked my phone to see that it was a quarter after five o'clock in the morning.

After remembering everything that happened yesterday, I decided that I couldn't wait any longer, so I called Reaper and asked if they wanted to meet up now. They agreed after I reminded them that I don't need as much sleep as a full-human and informed them that I just got more than double the amount I do need. I also assured them again that I would eat breakfast before heading to the Far Frozen and do so after I hang up.

Yogurt tubes and grape juice from concentrate count as breakfast, right?

I gathered my school supplies and flew them back to my room. Then I snuck down to the lab to grab as much Ecto-Dejecto as I and my duplicates could carry before opening a portal directly to the Far Frozen.

Yes, I left my family (and Maddie) a note in case they woke up before I came back. With any luck, they won't have to read it.

Now Frostbite is setting up my Ecto-Dejecto-IV while two other doctors named Blizzard and Icefang get Reaper situated in bed. Reaper is…possibly naked, but there is a blue blanket over their lower half, so I don't have to find out.

"So, how are we doing this?" I ask. I am standing beside Reaper's bed, and I know that I will have to let go of their hand soon. I'm not looking forward to it, and I can see that they aren't either.

Frostbite answers. "First, we are going to put your parent into a deep sleep. This way, their core will be calmer and more easily subjectable to your powers. On our signal, you will place your hands over their core and begin."

He makes it sound so simple.

I turn to Reaper and bend over to place a kiss on their cheek. Hopefully, the next time I do so, they will have a fully restored and healthy body. "Ready, Grim?"

Reaper looks anything but ready, but they give my hand a squeeze. "I am confident in you."

Icefang takes that as an okay and injects some kind of glowing liquid into Reaper's neck. Reaper keeps those loving, anxious green eyes on me until their lids slowly close and their grip on my hand slackens.

While this was going on, I had unzipped my jumpsuit enough for Blizzard to hook up the IV needle to my chest. Frostbite starts up the IV thingy, and I can feel the cold Ecto-Dejecto seeping directly into my core. My skin buzzes with ecto-energy. I am almost vibrating with power.

Before any of this, Reaper and I had special patches placed just below our cores. They are connected to screens to monitor our vitals.

"Begin," Frostbite instructs.

I rub my hands together as anticipation surges through me. "Here goes everything."

I place my hands on Reaper's chest, right where their core is hidden, and let the gentle warmth of my Healing Touch flow through me. It starts in my chest, flows down my arms, and connects with my grim's damaged core. There's more power in my Healing Touch this time, so much more than when I gulped down Ecto-Dejecto yesterday.

Time passes. I don't know how much. I only know that Frostbite keeps refilling my IV and asking how I'm feeling. So far, I'm doing alright.

More time passes. Even with an endless stream of Ecto-Dejecto, my head is getting foggy. But, Icefang says something about a change in Reaper.

That spurs me on. I throw more power into my work, as much as I am able.

The soft yellow glow that accompanies the Healing Touch triples in brightness. Frostbite is telling me not to overdo it. I don't listen. I keep going.

My muscles ache. My vision swims. My body tries to shift back to human-form. I don't let it.

My core thrums uncomfortably in my chest. Keep going.

"Great One," Frostbite says cautiously, "I advise you to-"

"I advise you to shut up."

I have never spoken to Frostbite like that before. I'm sure I'll feel bad about it later.

My transformation starts, this time getting as far as my abdomen. I reverse the change and curse myself out for being so careless.

Keep going.

What Frostbite says next isn't directed at me. "How are his vitals?"

The answer comes from Blizzard. "Let's just say, we might wanna get him out of here soon."

No.

My core thrums harder, aching, screaming at the thought of stopping when we're so close. I can feel it. We are so close.

I blink and my big sister is lying in an Earth hospital. She is hooked to all sorts of things and appears to be sleeping. Her slumber is one she cannot awaken from easily. It's my fault. I have to save her. I have to save her. I-

-blink, and I'm back in the Far Frozen with my parent lying before me.

An idea forms as Frostbite says, "That's enough."

I turn my head right as he's about to grab me. Whatever is on my face stops him. "How much Ecto-Dejecto is left?"

He wiggles the open bottle in his hand. He must have been about to refill my IV. "Just this bottle."

There's so little left.

My core doesn't like that. I am its servant now.

Do it.

It all happens in a flash, thanks to the Ecto-Dejecto enhancing my already incredible speed. I snatch the bottle out of Frostbite's hand while still keeping one glowing hand on Reaper. I push Frostbite back. I raise a shield of green light around Reaper and myself so no one can stop me.

Three doctors are ignoring all the important stuff and are gaping at me. "Danny," Frostbite exclaims, "what are you doing?"

Giving in to fixation.

Losing my mind.

Something stupid.

All valid answers. I don't have time to decide which one to give.

Suddenly, I'm being shouted at, and the doctors are attacking my shield with weapons crafted from their ice powers.

Why the fanfare, you ask?

It's because I just drank what's left of the Ecto-Dejecto.

The bottle thunks on the floor as I finish what I started. Power burns hot and fast both inside and out. The glow beneath my hands is near-blinding.

Sound vanishes. The world itself goes with it. Obsession takes the reins.

Keep going.

Reaper doesn't move. Whatever was used to knock them out must have been pretty strong. Good. If my grim woke up now, they would force me to stop. We are together under my shield. They are the only one who could stop me.

They are the reason I'm not stopping.

My body feels like snow and lava. I'm swaying on my feet. I have to halt my transformation twice in succession. Everything is pain. (This feels like dying.)

Keep going.

Something is happening. A white light appears under my hands. It slowly spreads over Reaper's body.

Keep going.

Distantly, I sense my shield breaking. Large hands grab me. I risk sparing strength to blast huge icicles up from the floor to surround myself and my parent.

Keep going.

The risk doesn't pay off. I can no longer stop myself from shifting back to human-form, but I don't stop using the Healing Touch. I can't. Not now when we're finally seeing results.

The icicles break. I am ripped away. I try to fight back, but I feel as though I am underwater. My limbs are too heavy for me to swim to Reaper, to my precious parent.

Keep going.

keep going

k-e-e-p-g-o-i-n-g

Reaper

I blink back into consciousness, feeling somehow lighter and heavier at the same time.

"Ah! You awaken at last."

My blurry eyes land on Frostbite, who gazes upon me with a range of emotions that I am too groggy to sift through.

"How are you feeling, Master Reaper?" he asks as he helps me sit up.

I rub my tired eyes. "A little woozy, but-"

I stare at my hand, my arm. Where hideous layered reddish scaring once was…there is now healthy pale blue-gray skin. My arm is fleshier as well, and while my hands never lost their original color, they too have gained flesh. Very little, but enough to spark a millennia-old familiarity. And, I have fingernails. I have not had fingernails in five thousand years.

Distantly, I recall Pandora forcing manicures upon me despite my reluctance. I always ended up having fun. She would also beg me to let her do my toes as well, but that was where I drew the line. I have never been fond of having my feet touched by another, so I would paint my toenails myself.

I check my other hand and arm, and they are identical to their counterparts. I look down and see that my torso is the same shade of blue-gray and has also filled out into the lean build I had so long ago. I check under my blanket. My legs and feet are fleshy and blue-gray. I even have toenails.

And, my core… My core feels different. Colder, stronger, more alive.

"I suspect you will want a mirror," Frostbite says with some amusement.

Speech has left me. I simply nod, and Frostbite grabs a handheld mirror off the counter and presents it to me. I take it with shaking hands and gasp a bit at the sight of my face.

Because it is my face.

My face is the same color as the rest of my healed body. It is all here. My delicate chin. My round cheeks that are marred only by the silent tears trailing down them. My pointed nose. My small ears. My head which is smooth where it once was bumpy.

I have not seen this face in five thousand years…

Restored by the imprint I cherish as if he were of my own loins. Incredible.

Daniel James Fenton is an incredible being.

One who is not here. I see now that I am alone with Frostbite.

"Where is Danny Phantom?" I ask.

The look Frostbite sends me states that I will not like the answer.

Maddie

If you're reading this, I'm in the Far Frozen with Reaper. Wish me luck!

-Danny

P.S. Sorry to spring this on you guys. I conked out at a friend's place and didn't want to wake any of you.

Jack, Jazz, and I stare at the note on the fridge, stuck there with the rocket ship magnet Danny begged me to buy him when he was five years old. I had promised him that I would but only if he was a good boy while I shopped. He was a perfect angel (little did I know) and even helped me with the grocery list.

I miss those days. I wonder if I'll ever have one of them again.

"He'll be fine," Jack says confidently.

I check the clock on the microwave. It's almost eight. I wonder what time Danny left.

Jazz's ghost phone goes off. We've all been keeping our ghost phones on us since Danny went to fight the Box Ghost yesterday. We were hoping he would call.

Not that I expected him to call me.

Jazz checks her phone, tells us it's Frostbite, and leaves the kitchen.

"I hope there's good news," I say.

"We could all use some of that," Jack agrees.

No, we what we could really use is our son portalling back into our house.

What I could really use is him holding me and telling me he didn't mean what he said and that he still wants me to be his mother.

Jack puts his arms around me from behind. He isn't the Fenton I was hoping would do that, but I'll never say no to a hug from my husband, who somehow still loves me despite everything. (Then again, so does Danny.)

"When Danny gets home," he says, "we'll all sit down and talk. You said that he still loves you, right? That means we can figure this out."

I twist around in his arms and cling to his chest. "I don't think so, Jack."

Jack starts to say something, but Jazz comes back into the kitchen, her phone still clutched in her hand. Her other hand is over her mouth. There are tears in her eyes.

Jack tightens his hold on me. We wait for our daughter to speak. The wait is crushing me under its boot. A million worst case scenarios run through my head.

Jazz sniffles then lowers her hand off of her mouth, but it still takes her an agonizing moment to get the words out. "Danny's in a coma."