A/N: for those of you who do not like slight innuendos and dark humor I would advise you to skip to the next chapter. As i go on notes like this will be on the very beginning in case some of these discussions are triggering. I wish to not affend anyone with my content only for you to enjoy them. Good day, good evening, and Good night.

For clarification…

Stork: you know what this body reminds me of?

Sonic: I wouldn't know…what?

Stork: my grandmother's Easter decorations, stale, pale, and the only thing with color on it was the rotting dead flowers.

Sonic: your grandmother didn't have good taste…

Stork: not anymore she doesn't.

Sonic: fudged Fidel fingers.

Stork: her fingers are more like pasty slime, with the only thing holding her together being her sweat glands.

Sonic: shh, your mothers paying her respects to the dead-

Stork: That's the only respect anyone would be getting from her.

Sonic: Hey, how'd your grandmother die?

Stork: she was yelling at our neighbors dog for 20 minutes, it was barking at her to move out of the way, because a tree was going to flatten her like a pancake.

Sonic: she doesn't look like a pancake…

Stork: that's the makeup and proof the embalmers blew her back up like a cartoon character.

Impulsive buyer and the talk out of negotiator.

Louis: yo!!

Nigel: hey. What are you calling me during a meeting for-?

Louis: You have 5 minutes to talk me out of buying a 8 by 16 feet Flat Screen TV. Go!!

Nigel: It's going to make us go bankrupt.

Louis: ok?

Nigel: you'll be unable to buy anything else for the rest of the year-

Louis: continue-

Nigel: You don't need it when we already have a large Tv. Your going to cry about not being able to get your Popmart Plushies, you're also not gonna be able to get those accessories for your Oc and therefore will be unable to go to REN Fair, you'll be so broke that your entire collection is unfinished, and you have to work harder to buy it. And it's your month to get the grocery's-

Louis: but-

Nigel: no, instant noodles are not a healthy meal.

Louis: ok…I was able to move past them.

Nigel: Also, why can't you call Richy or old man Allen to talk you out of buying you stuff? I'm not free on the weekdays-

Louis: Yet you make time for me.

Nigel: That's because I fear the police showing up again.

Louis: Besides you know the sibling math-

Nigel: the what?

Louis: The one where it goes is "if you ask your sibling to help you from not acting on impulse control, you're gonna end up wanting to act on impulse."

Nigel: And that is what you live by?

Louis: till death does me part.

Short and ready to Blow, tall and calm.

Richy: imagine being unable to say certain words without it sounding like something offensive.

Melton: Imagine being too short to reach anything other than what's on the floor?

Richy: doll face? Do you want to die?

Melton: pumpkin patch? How are you going to reach my face when you can't reach a chair?

Richy: trust me I have a way to reach your ugly dog face-

Melton: What's wrong little boy? Too short to contain all that fuse?

Richy: Excuse me-?

Melton: cause you know…? Of your short temper?

Richy: …why are you acting like this-?

Melton: because you need to know your place…friend…you're beneath me-!

Richy: Did you just call me friend?

Melton: no-

Richy: you totally did!!

Melton: no, no, no, no, no-(tries to walk away, but Richy stops him)

Richy: I have made friends with the king of Ice himself!!! (Runs down the hall screaming that)

Melton: Richy Madalious!!! I did not!! I was…I was trying to insult you!!! No!!! (Runs after him)

Nana: the romantic tension is so intense that it's smacking people in the face.

Randa: it's annoying, I swear they both are so blind to it too.

Random Story time

Melton: my mother once drowned me in an ice cold bath at the age of 4. (Continues his book)

Richy: Excuse me…what?

Melton: yeah. I think at 6 she hit my brother in the head with a pan and then drowned him as well. It was an interesting year for both of us.

Richy: Joshua?

Melton: (looks up) I'm fine my love, I survived it. See? I'm clearly fine. She just was in one of her bad moods.

Richy: …Melton, what mood? What mood is-

Melton: a bad one?

Part 2

Melton: when I was a small child not too much your age, I was left in Africa for 2 years.

Angela: …what were you doing in Africa?

Melton: My mother fought with my dad about something, so she took all the boys to Africa while she "cooled off."

Angela: How'd she manage to leave you?

Melton: (shrugs) I was asleep when she and my brothers left.

Mikey: And she didn't notice you at all?

Melton: Apparently not, I only got home because the family who took me in was a family of robbers…so…here I was thinking that only happened in movies.

Richy: (looks at his husband) my love…how old were you?

Melton: (shrugs) I was 7.

Part 3

Melton: my mom fed me a poisonous mushroom when I was able to eat. My dad had to rush me to the hospital because it wasn't reacting to my stomach very well.

Richy: (looks up from his book) why is it you wait till we're married to tell me about your trauma?

Melton: because I wasn't about to scare you away with my stories.

Richy: You're restraining yourself for me, why?

Melton: because I'm your husband and I have great taste in sharing stories with you.

Richy: yeah, no. I have problems with a dad who has had 98 kids with 17 different women. I should be the topic of trama. But no you one up me-

Melton: Richy, I sleep next to you, I stopped getting scared away after our honeymoon.

Richy: …rude.

Part 4

Melton: I was once a wedding planner for one of my undergraduate students.

Billy: Did you plan a wedding?

Melton: why yes I did-

Billy: How come yours and papa's wedding was so terrible?

Melton: …it's a good thing it was only a stake out mission.

Luka: your right, good thing cause I would've felt bad for anyone who was your client.

Melton: I feel bad for anyone who has to know you.

Screaming is good!!!

Richy: imagine having a screaming match in the middle of a parking lot-

Sonic: Imagine witnessing a screaming match in the middle of a parking lot.

Stork: Now imagine joining the screaming match in the middle of a parking lot!!

Richy: aaaah!!

Sonic: ahh.

Stork: aaaaaaah!!!

Richy: ok, we've said our piece, let's get this body loaded up into the Hearse.

The two trouble makers

Val: you know what people say about hair and clothing?

Richy: no, what do they say-?

Val: hair holds most of your memories, clothing holds onto the sentiment of those memories.

Richy: huh, for someone who isn't big on sappy stuff you seem to like to tell them like an old man telling kids his deepest secrets.

Val: thanks, but I am being honest right now…I think in order for me to move on from my past, I need to make a change.

Richy: fair…

(Some time later)

Melton: oh!!! There you guys are!! I heard about your house. Val, are you ok?

Val: yeah I'm fine.

Melton: You sure?

Val: Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

Melton: because Richy told me that your childhood house got burned down with all your stuff in it.

Richy: ooh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that-

Ternik: I asked your husband to call you, because the neighbors next to the Crowns memorial house, called about two hooligans who started a massive fire to the memorial.

Melton: …?!!? (Looks at Richy) Mr Madalious-

Richy: that's my dad-

Melton: …sorry, Richy Madalious? Husband?

Richy: …hi honey bunny!!!

Melton: (glares at him)

Richy: …what? I had to keep myself from getting arrested, so what better way than to call the best Authorities in town? FALCON's Law Enforcement?

Melton: (grabs the phone)

Lady: 911 what's your emergency?

Melton: Hello, Hi, I'm with the Towns Local Fire Department, and I'm here with some adults who have been burning buildings at the Crown Memorial site, and they've been in our custody for about an hour or so.

Richy: Wow. What a sellout.

The note

Val: the police found the scuicide note stuck to the inside of an all male magazine, with a hello kitty magnet super glued to the Interior of the first page with Timothy Chalame.

Melton: And you're certain that it was a scuicide note?

Val: wouldn't lie about it.

Melton: and I'm guessing he took the classic "eat happy pills and hope for a better future?"

Val: well, after they tornado down the room to find what he used to end his career, he was looking for something in his cat's medicine cabinet and ate the first thing that said "Do not Consume."

Melton: well what did the note say?

Val: This is your fault.

Melton: I'm sorry what? Who was he blaming?

Richy: my guess is Val, or Joshua, the two of them tend to be his most popular choices for an accident like this to occur.

Melton: Richy Madalious?

Richy: Joshua Melton Phillips?

Melton: hi, why the flip are you here right now?

Richy: hearing a German man say flip in a sentence is a huge turn off for a lot of people.

Val: Richy?

Richy: sup?

Val: Is this your apartment?

Richy: why yes it is. Some maniac drove a bulldozer into my bedroom, so I called it in and staged it as a suicidal attempt.

Melton: I flipping hate you right now.

Richy: (shakes his head) no…I kind of wish I took my cat's pills.

Melton's savage moments

Melton: You really don't want to fight with me!!

Gesabel: oh honey, I don't fight, I'm not that type of girl!! Besides, didn't your parents teach you that fighting a girl is inappropriate?

Melton: I am both German and French, my people say ladies first and cut off queens heads, and my mother says we should instill karma where karma is due. In the end, I think your right, your not that type of girl, cause my grandmother could kick you in the shins and you'd go crying to some bogus excuse of rich people who also run with tail between their legs.

Part 2

Melton: a person should be poi's and better than the next person, unless you're like Lori Carter who had 4 husbands at the same dinner table with her in the middle with divorce papers. Did they know about each other? No, of course not they are not that smart, but did they have a hunch she was cheating? No, they were not that smart, but did she make it obvious? Yes. But did they see it? No, They were so busy with their heads in their jobs that they overlooked her body counts, and I don't mean the ones she slept with.

Gwen: What was the point you were trying to make?

Melton: What I mean is in the end be like her last husband Roy Carter, be the mastermind behind what she does, the last man standing.

Gwen: So you want me to be a puppet and a puppet master?

Melton: get all the money and destroy the puppet master in her own game.

Gwen: You're a terrifying man.

Melton: no, I steal a chapter from my husband's book of "fancy seeing idiots surrounding me"

Part 3

Melton: grief is hard to overcome, but it is a part of life. Something not easy for everyone but I hope you can keep all the wailing, teardrops and screaming, angry faces and comments, to one's self until I have left the vicinity of the Cemetery? Yeah?

Everyone: (glaring each other down)

Melton: glad we're on the same page.

Part 4

Nana: I can't believe this happened…

Randa: me neither…

Richy: he will be missed, but his fashion sense will always remain atrocious.

Both: (looks at him)

Melton: they spelled my name wrong on this stupid laminated paper!!! I am appalled by their ignorance.

Nana: melton, we are at a funeral for Mr Sheep, your name is not a big deal.

Melton: a dead cat, we are at a dead cat's funeral!!

Val: he was the precincts Mascot-

Melton: Val!!! I am a spokesperson for a dead cat!!! The decent thing they can do for me is by giving me some respect.

Richy: Captain Pumpkin Patch, not everything is about you-

Melton: not everyone wants to hear what you have to say either.

Richy: Hmm, you're mad, I see that, I'll back off.

Part 5

Richy: (knocks on the door) hey…I have all the paperwork for you.

Melton: thank you, put them on my desk.

Richy: (puts the paperwork on the desk and is about to leave)

Melton: (looks up) hey…

Richy: (looks back) hey?

Melton: I hear you're going out of the country?

Richy: yeah.

Melton: cool…cool…we're are you going?

Richy: Puerto Rico.

Melton: nice…nice…I hope you have fun…

Richy: And you have fun here…unless you're going somewhere else as well?

Melton: Maybe next time, yeah?

Richy: …yeah. (walks out)

Nana: (Come in) that was the most gayest and awkward interaction I have ever seen the two of you have.

Melton: Nice to see you too Nana, why have you been eavesdropping on private conversation?

Nana: because your door was open-

Melton: right…and your mouth is open so close it and close my door on the way out.

Part 6

Melton: you should be a better-

Nana: person?

Melton: no…a better-

Val: Human being?

Melton: no…no. A better-

Gorge: homo sapien?

Melton: no, you should just be better. (walks away)

Everyone: …!!

Part 7

Melton: You should stop complaining about your problems, and just fix them.

(another time)

Melton: I was sitting in a garden and I had excused myself from the crowd, I kind of want to have what I can't have back.

Some lady: and what might that be?

Melton: silence.

(another time)

Bella: I love Hamlet, look- (shows her ring)

Melton: (looks at her) oh look, an intelligent imposer amongst us.

Bella: You didn't read it though. Look (holds up the script for Melton to read)

Melton: (looks at the script) *sighs* "use them after your own honor and dignity. The less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty."

Bella: What is that? My ring says "be true to thine own self."

Melton: …truly an imposing sheep among a pack of wolves. (walks away)

(another time)

Mrs. Danny: Being young and in love is hard.

Melton: watching love is hard.

Mrs. Danny: because your secret lover is away from you, in a different country?

Melton: no, because it pains me to see a married woman twice my age call her love young.

(another time)

Melton: if I met the Queen, I would not only bow to her with dignity and grace, but with full heart and mirth.

Dotty: some might say I'm a queen-

Melton: a very poor judgment on other people's part.

Dotty: Melton, be nice to me, I am your mother. I practically breed from royalty.

Melton: yet the Monarchs bat an eyelash at you yet…should I call them and ask if they know your bloodline?

Dotty: (glares at him)

Melton: Just a thought.