Chapter 2

The balcony was warm somehow. Was it the heat from the glass door of his room leaking out? Was the suddenly having ceased snowfall the reason behind this comfortable temperature? Was it the fact that he was at home, alone in his room, feeling secure and safe? He didn't know. But he made sure to enjoy it.

He looked up at the night sky. The moon stared back at him, with its white glowing parts, spotless and blank, as well as the intricately drawn black non glowing parts over it. The moon was a strange object. It hung high in the sky, all alone, no stars in sight in that light polluted and cloudy sky, no people on its surface, no other moon to partner with it. Yet it stayed high and mighty, glowing like a natural lamp.

Natsu couldn't connect with it. Left to live alone for that long, he would truly go insane. He enjoyed not being paid attention by his classmates and other people around him, but he was atleast assured that he wasn't alone. No matter where he was, there were always people around him. That feeling gave him a sense of overhanging comfort and security. He did prefer to stay alone, but he couldn't live alone.

He checked his pockets, patting them from outside, and then inserting his hand in to pull out a long stick. He looked at it, turning it around in his hands between his fingers. It wasn't bent or crumpled at least. He put the yellow end of it to his mouth, and used a butane lighter to light the other end. He slid the lighter into his pocket, and pulled the cigerette out of his mouth after taking a deep breath.

He felt the same initially uncomfortable cascade of feelings bubble in his throat as the smoke travelled down his lungs. It burnt and scratched the inside a little, but it was fast to dissipate. The charred taste left his pallete, and what he was left with was a very faint, almost unnoticeable high of his senses. He stared at the burning tip of the cigarette, wondering what was even the point of it if it couldn't produce a significant alteration of his state of mind.

He placed the cigerette in his mouth again, and breathed in once more. He knew there was no point to it, and it was harmful to him to boot, but he couldn't stop. It had become a habit. The ritual, the empowering sense of carrying a tool that he could use at anytime anywhere, the relief that it brought him. Exhaling the smoke through his nostrils, he tipped the end of the cigarette to dry it off the ash. He had always assumed that he was relentless and tough enough to not get pulled into vices. But that idea of himself had changed as soon as he had his fifteenth smoke.

He wondered how many people smoked in the world. How many of his schoolmates did? He knew some of the seniors did, both male and female, as he had seen them doing it behind the school and behind the gym. Sometimes even in public when he was out to buy his own packs. Could he go to them and smoke with them, hanging out with the people of his own smoking fraternity? He didn't want to. He would rather kill himself alone. And those people were outside of his social tier anyways. Their lives were riddled with alcohol, parties, hard drugs, flings, sex and short lived love lives. There was no way they would let him join them in any capacity. They probably didn't even know him. He wasn't popular enough.

Those were his upperclassmen, but he wondered how many of his classmates smoked. Not many, he assumed. There was even the possibility that he was alone in that habit amongst the people his age. No matter how deadly and pathetic that habit of his was, he still felt a smidgen of superiority amongst his classmates at that thought.

He shook his head, putting himself down into the ground from the temporary cloud nine he had taken. Maybe it was the nicotine making him feel that superiority. A bad habit was a bad habit. It was probably the other way around, with them being superior to him for not smoking in the first place.

He exhaled smoke again, watching the puffs slowly disappear into the darkness of the night. As he stared into that darkness… he found his mind wandering back to her.

His jaw tightened and his fingers gripped his cigarette tighter. He remembered her beautiful red hair flowing in the cold winds, her small pretty face glowing under the streetlight they had met at, her lips slightly parted after the shock of having fallen down, her smile awkwardly yet adorably piercing into his eyes… his heart beating outside of his chest everytime he stole a glance at her.

He nervously shifted on his legs, looking down at them. How could someone be as beautiful as her? What gave them the privilege of that? What were the uses of being so beautiful? Were there any cons of it? He would never know. He had never been in that situation. Never had he heard a girl call him good looking. Never had he talked to a girl before. Except her.

He shook his leg as an uncomfortable feeling grasped him. He wondered where he lived, and where she did. Far apart. They were like different poles of the earth. Never to meet. Never to stand in the same spot. He and her lived completely different lives. She was the moon he had just been looking at… and he was the lonely puny human gazing up at it. She was beautiful, popular, friendly, pretty and even good at sports. He was… nothing. He had nothing redeeming. Why was she being so friendly with him? Maybe just because she was a good human being? There was no way something in him interested her. Maybe she was cordial just because it was a coincidence that they had met on the street. Maybe, the next time she would see him, she would ignore him, just like everyone did. And he wouldn't blame her. He was nothing special.

But he had to admit, those few moments of talking to her did feel nice, no matter how much his socially inept heart wanted to disagree.

The door behind him made a noise, and Natsu quickly dropped his cigarette, knowing that someone was entering his balcony. He stepped on the half burnt cigarette to hide it, and turned around, finding Mirajane standing in the doorway, holding a blanket around her.

He stood straight, finding some nervousness and awkwardness grip him tightly. Did she notice him smoking? Was he about to get an earful from her?

He knew that she was supposed to be his family, but he still felt a bit awkward around her. Not as much as other people, but a little nonetheless. He had never found it easy to be able to converse comfortably with her. Maybe because she had just now become a part of his and Zeref's lives.

She held the open door, as if she was ready to shut it again.

"I… I hope I am not disturbing you?" She asked.

Natsu shook his head. "Oh… no… not really. I was just…"

He slid to his left, making space for her on the balcony.

She slowly walked into that space, revealing one hand from under her blanket and holding the guardrail of the balcony. Then she quickly retracted it under the blanket again.

"It's cold. Why are you out here, Natsu?"

Natsu looked away, finding himself in a bind with that question. Why was he out here anyways? To smoke?

"No… no reason, really. I didn't have anything to do. I just thought I'd spend some time here."

Mirajane watched him concernedly. "I see. Do you spend a lot of time alone?"

Natsu glanced at her, wondering where she was going with that question. Did she see him smoke after all? Was she trying to get him to tell her the truth?

"Uh… not really… just sometimes…" he replied.

Mirajane stared at him, as if she still wasn't satisfied with the answer. She looked ahead into the sky again.

"I tried sleeping. Zeref is asleep. Well, he came home half asleep. I just wanted to check on you before I go to bed myself."

She looked at him crossly. "Isn't it getting late?"

Natsu nodded hesitantly. "Yeah… I was just about to go to sleep."

Mirajane smiled. "Good. I don't want you to be sleep deprived before school. It is important that you sleep well."

She leaned on the guardrail sideways, smiling warmly at him. "I will just stay here until you decide to sleep. Maybe then you'll hurry. Meanwhile, I get to talk to you."

Natsu stared at her warm smile nervously. "Talk about… what?"

She shook her head. "Nothing really. Just trying to get to know you. You and I haven't had much time to speak since I have gotten here. I just want to know what you're like."

Natsu narrowed his eyes at her words, but looked ahead again so as to not let her know that he felt awkward. Why did she want to get to know him? Wasn't she supposed to know just Zeref? He didn't really mind her trying to talk to him, but it was also true that he didn't understand social dynamics at all, so what must be pretty normal for everyone, like getting to know their in-laws, sounded a bit strange to him. He had a habit of assuming that whatever sounded strange to him must have been normal in the minds of other people.

"Well… I… I like… doing stuff."

He choked. What did he like doing? He didn't have hobbies or pastimes. He didn't have likes or dislikes. Everything was just the same to him. He was mostly indifferent to all. He realised that he didn't have anything to tell her about himself. He was hollow. Empty. Like the shell of a human walking the earth.

Mirajane giggled, and then pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I didn't mean right now. Knowing someone better is a chronic effort. It takes years. I just wanted to start now, with you."

He stared at her as her words dissolved in his mind. He nodded unsurely. That was a… distinct way of looking at things. He had never heard that before. He had always assumed that friends met with fate. Two people meet, something clicks between them, and they are best friends for life. That's how simple he had always assumed it was. And that's why he assumed he didn't have friends, as he thought fate just hadn't wanted it yet.

He wondered about Erza. How nothing seemed to have clicked between the two of them. Was Mirajane right about it taking time before people became friends? Maybe Erza and him would become friends slowly and over time, even though they had nothing in common. That thought made him a bit happier, unbeknownst to him.

He briefly glanced at her, giving her a very awkward and uneasy smile. He had to force that, as emotions didn't come naturally to him. Maybe he thought that the smile was a thanks for teaching him that lesson.

Mirajane smiled back at him, and then followed his gaze to the moon.

"So… how has your sleep been?"

Natsu wondered if she was trying to keep the conversation going. He found it easier to talk to her now.

"It's been okay. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. Like at 3 or 2:30… but I fall right back to sleep after."

Mirajane looked back at him, concern flashing on her face.

"Are you… taking your medicine properly?"

Natsu paused. He stared at the darkness for a while, wondering if he had heard her right. Then he looked at her, and the seriousness and gravity on her face told him that he did. They were talking about his medicine now.

He had been seeing a psychiatrist due to his insomnia and sleep paralysis, some things that he had assumed were extremely common amongst people. But the doctor had suggested that Natsu was going through something called a 'Schizoaffective disorder'. He didn't know what that was, and he didn't care. He was sure that she was mistaken. It was just some simple insomnia, impossibly and unlikely to be something that severe. He had tried taking the medicine she had prescribed for a few days, but the next day he would wake up extremely restless and agitated. He didn't like that feeling one bit. His thought process would also be faded and confused, and that really took away his clarity that he needed to be alert at all times, given the hordes of people that were after him and were trying to harm him. He hadn't taken that medicine consequently for a while now.

He nodded sharply, averting his eyes off her. "Yes. Yes. I don't miss them."

Mirajane dug deep into the side of his face with her blue eyes. "Are you lying to me?"

Natsu stole a glance at her, and visualised her face, serious beyond all norms, ready to lecture him should he tell her the truth, or even worse, should she find out that he WAS lying.

"No… I… I sometimes mix them up. But… I never miss them."

He felt that if he let slip a less severe form of irregularity, like sometimes mixing them up, his lie would sound more genuine.

Mirajane still stared at him, as if she would read his mind if she did that long enough. She sighed.

"I don't want you to do that either. I can keep track of them for you if you want. You really need to be regular and careful with them. The doctor says what you're going through is severe."

Natsu scratched his head. "Yeah… I-I mean, no need for you to bother yourself. I'll just have to take care about taking them properly, that's all. I can do it."

Mirajane's serious face relaxed a little, but she spoke with as much sincerity as before. "You don't have to hold yourself, Natsu. If you need any help, not just with your medicine, you can ask me anytime. I'll always help you."

Natsu heard the determination in her voice. He was forced to look at her, the surprise from her caring behaviour taking the place of his nervousness around her. He looked at her deep blue eyes and her fair skin. Zeref had really picked a pretty woman to marry.

Why did she care about Natsu so much? They had just met, and she was still a complete stranger to him.

He didn't know what got in him, but he asked her that out loud.

"Why… Why do you care about me so much?"

The realisation of how unthoughtful and tactless that question was hit him moments after, and even more when he saw her face morph into that of hurt and offence.

"I… I can't do that?" She asked.

Natsu panicked. "I-I mean… I… I don't mind. I like the food that you cook. And… I really appreciate the fact that you can somehow quickly find my stuff that I've misplaced. But…"

He didn't know what to say. He had messed up. He sighed and straightened himself, and stood to face her straight.

"I… I don't mind you caring for me, Mirajane. In fact, it makes me happy that it's not just Zeref and me living by ourselves anymore. Zeref is not a good housemate in the least. I just…"

He dropped his gaze. "I just don't understand families too well. So I thought that you were only meant to care for Zeref, being his wife and all. So I was wondering why you care about me as well. Am I… am I just an added burden to you?"

Mirajane's face morphed. For a moment, she really had thought that Natsu was asking her very politely to mind her own business. That would have hurt her, but when he explained himself, and she knew that he was being truthful in that, she couldn't help but smile in amusement. She even felt pity for him putting himself in that awkward situation.

"Oh, Natsu…" she said before she started to giggle.

Natsu felt embarrassed. He knew she was laughing at him. But at least he was able to explain himself, and she didn't seem hurt anymore. That misunderstanding was something he couldn't afford. She was a very nice person from what Natsu knew about her, and he didn't want to hurt her.

She stopped giggling. She placed her hand over his. "Listen to me. Marrying Zeref doesn't mean that I'll only look after him, and not his family. I am a part of his family now. That makes you as much of my responsibility as Zeref is. Marriage is not just a union of two people. It's a union of their families too. You are as much my own as Zeref is. Always remember that."

Natsu felt her warm hand over his cold one. Was it because she had kept hers under the blanket? Or was it because she was so friendly and comforting that her hand was like that? He didn't feel nervous having her hand atop his, which was strange for him. He only felt relaxed and happy.

Mirajane giggled a little more, before pulling her hand away under the blanket again. "You seem like you have a lot to learn about how families work. Don't worry. I'll make sure you learn everything about people and the world. I can be your teacher. That way, we can spend more time together."

Natsu bit his lip. He looked ahead to not showcase the fluster on his face. He had never thought that someone else apart from him and Zeref would become a part of their family. He knew that Zeref had had a girlfriend for a long time, and he knew that it had been Mirajane all along, but he had never met her before and always denied Zeref's invitations to meet her. And he would always leave the house when she came over. The thought that she was a part of his family now hit differently.

He looked at her questioningly.

"So… you are my family now?"

Mirajane smiled at him, nodding. "Well, if it suits you, you can think of me as your older sister. Wouldn't it be nice to have a caring and loving elder sister, Natsu? You can tell me everything about yourself and your day, and I'll listen. I am a great listener. You can be as close to me as you are to Zeref."

Natsu unsurely weighed that idea. He didn't know what it would be like to have a sister. He had never had one. Was it like having a mother? He never had a mother either, not that he could remember of. He didn't really care for closeness with someone the way she was suggesting. He was completely fine living all by himself. But she was a great cook, and it was really nice having her around. One thing was for sure, his small family had gotten livelier since she had moved in.

He smiled at her again, this time with a little less forced effort than before. He felt a comforting high in him that his cigarettes could never bring.

"Uh… sure."

Mirajane clapped her hands once. "Then it's settled. Get used to my nagging you all the time. It's something you'll have to live with. Coming to that…"

She checked her watch.

"It's time for you to sleep. It's already too late anyways. As I said, I don't want you to go to school half asleep. It isn't good for you. Come with me."

She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him towards the door. Natsu couldn't resist. She slid open the glass door, pulled him in, and then shut it back up.

"Remember to take your medicine." she said, grabbing the curtains.

Natsu looked at her. "Uh… yeah sure."

She smiled at him. When she turned to look at the balcony again before she could draw the curtains, her eyes caught something by the edge. What was that? She narrowed her eyes to focus on it. Soon, she started to grasp its unique and alarming shape in her mind.

She was trying her best to tell herself that it wasn't what she thought it was. She stood behind the door for a while, looking at the irregular white stick that lay by the railing. It seemed papery, and crumpled, with one black end and an orange one.

'A cigarette? Is it Natsu's? He… smokes? Is that what he was doing on the balcony?'

She looked at her feet and thought for a while. For all that she knew, he could. She didn't really know him that well, even though she was trying to. He spent most of his time alone by himself in his room, or outside. Sometimes he would inexplicably leave the house, saying that he needed some fresh air. Did he go out to smoke?

Concern and worry coiled in her heart. He wasn't old enough to smoke. There was no such thing as being old enough to smoke. It was bad. She had hoped to get to know Natsu better, and she did so, and most of her interaction with him was pleasant and lovely, except for this side of him that she was possibly seeing. She didn't like the fact that he was engaging in something so harmful to himself.

She sighed nervously as she drew the curtains and turned off the lights in the balcony. She stood by the door for a while, before she turned her head and looked at Natsu, who was trying to fish in his drawers for his medicine.

She grit her teeth and locked her jaw. She knew want to do.