Camelot
February, 509 AD
Merlin inspected Mordred and Gwaine as soon as we were a safe distance away from the cave. My best friend had nothing beyond a(nother) bump on his head and should be fine with a few days of rest. The young knight, however, wasn't looking good at all.
"It is not a simple wound. Sorcery is involved," my brother stated while giving Arthur a grievous look.
"Is there anything you can do?" Arthur questioned, his voice unsteady as he looked down at Mordred, whose head rested on his lap. I placed a hand on his shoulder, knowing that he was as heart-broken as me. Kilgharrah couldn't have been more wrong about the kid.
"This is beyond my skills, Sire," my brother responded and he sent me a quick pointed glance. I took that to mean that he can save him, just not with everyone watching 'cause, y'know... magic. "We need to get him back to Camelot."
"That is a long and arduous journey..." Arthur pointed out. "What if he does not survive it?"
"Look, I fear that Gaius is the only one who can save him," Merlin answered with a weary sigh.
My King sighed and nodded before addressing the rest of the party in a louder voice, "Mount up. We ride for Camelot."
So ride for Camelot we did. The rush to get there was such that we almost managed to cut the time that the journey took in half. By the time we got there, the horses were sweaty and deserving of at least a week off – in my opinion. Which is doable. All that matters is that Mordred was still breathing and hanging on when we arrived, and he was taken straight to Gaius's apartment, where he was placed on a cot.
Arthur sat on a stool beside the cot and I remained by his side with a hand on his shoulder while the physician inspected the young knight with some help from Merlin.
"Merlin is right," Gaius finally concluded. "This is no ordinary wound. There is magic at play."
"Can you save him?" my King inquired.
Gaius sighed. "I am but a physician, there are limits to my knowledge."
I felt Arthur tense up and I gave his shoulder a soft squeeze. He reached up to cover my hand with his and then he let out a shaky breath before addressing the physician once more, "There must be something that can be done."
"Perhaps," Gaius responded in a gentle tone. "I shall do everything in my power, Sire."
My King sighed and reluctantly stood up, stepping closer to Mordred and looking him over. I bit down on my bottom lip and glanced at Merlin, who seemed deep in thought as he met my gaze and gave me a sad look.
"Let me know the moment he improves," Arthur asked Gaius. "Or..." He trailed off while averting his gaze.
"I shall," Gaius replied with a nod.
With that, Arthur turned to me and I closed the distance between us as I reached up to peck his lips. "I'll catch up with you in a minute," I promised.
"All right," he responded in a whisper and kissed me again before leaving the room.
As soon as the door was closed, I turned to my brother. "So... Can you do your thing?"
He clenched his jaw. "I am not sure that I should."
I shared a bewildered look with Gaius before asking, "Why not?! He's our friend!"
"You know why," Merlin muttered in response.
"If Mordred is destined to take the King's life, why has he just saved it?" Gaius questioned him in a gentle tone.
"Twice!" I added as I began to pace the room.
"I cannot ignore what Kilgharrah said," my brother defended.
A scoff pushed past my lips. "Dude, forget about that for a second and look at who Mordred truly is! Do you really believe that he would hurt Arthur?! Were you not there when he jumped in front of a f*cking flying magic staff to save his life?!"
"Astra..."
"Merlin – please!" I moved closer to him and grabbed his forearms. "If not for him, or to spare Arthur the heartbreak, then do it for me. As your sister, I'm begging you to save him."
Tears pooled in my eyes as his stared deep into my soul and I could see the turmoil raging inside of him. Finally he dropped his head and my heart stopped for a second or five. Then he nodded. "All right. I will do it." I sighed in relief and hugged him tightly. "But, Astra, if he–"
"We'll cross that bridge in the off-chance that we get to it," I stated.
"All right," he repeated.
"Thank you, Merls. We won't let anything bad happen. I promise," I told him and reached up to kiss his cheek.
"This might take some time, as we have to find the right spell," Gaius pointed out, making me turn to face him. "Perhaps you should wait with Arthur and keep him calm."
I wiped away a couple of tears that had escaped my eyes and responded, "Yeah, sure." I gave my brother another hug and then I gave the physician a small smile before leaving the room and racing towards the one I share with my King.
As I entered, I spotted the gorgeous blond standing near a window with his back to me. Though he turned his head as soon as he heard a slight creak of the door.
"Hey," I said softly. "They're workin' on Mordred right now. Pops is confident that they might be able to use some ancient plant remedy thing to help 'em."
A small grin formed on Arthur's lips at that and he reached towards me. I didn't need to be told twice before darting to his side and wrapping my arms tightly around him while nuzzling into his chest. He returned the embrace and kissed the top of my head.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
He sighed and tightened his grip on me before responding, "I should not have let him go. I knew that it was a dangerous trip, and yet..."
"None of us could've predicted this," I countered when he trailed off. "He was noble to wanna go."
"He was. But I was still foolish to allow it," Arthur responded.
"You're not to blame, Artie," I assured him. Then I drew a shaky breath and gulped before adding, "If anything, it's my fault. I shouldn't have tried to argue with those things."
"Darling – no. Do not even think about that," he quickly replied.
I bit down on my bottom lip and remained quiet. It's stupid to continue arguing over who's to blame. The point is that it happened, and now the burden is on Merlin to fix it. As usual. No wonder he's been so cranky lately.
After a few minutes, I gradually became aware of the fact that we're covered in grime and sweat (and no doubt some blood, in my case), and I suddenly felt very disgusted with myself. So, figuring that we still have to wait some time for news regarding Mordred, I pushed away from my King and said, "I should probably take a bath..."
I didn't know whether to be amused or slightly concerned and weirded out when his eyes widened in an almost wondrous manner as he asked, "Can we–?
"Not yet, you minx!" I cut him off and playfully slapped his arm before rushing out of the room and towards the privacy of my own, locking the door for extra measure.
Feeling like a whole new person after a warm, longer-than-usual bath, I returned to Arthur and I's room and managed to persuade him into playing a game of chess with me while we waited for Gaius or Merlin to finally send news.
"Yes!" my handsome King cheered as he managed to un-alive one of my pawns with a knight.
I winked at him and promptly got rid of said knight with a bishop.
He blinked rapidly at me for a few seconds. "You do infuriate me sometimes," he grumbled and moved a rook to protect his queen, which had become exposed to my bishop.
"You're gettin' better, though," I offered with a little smile and moved one of my knights to threaten his queen from another angle.
"But you are always one step ahead," he grumbled as he finally moved his queen, leaving the king without a shield. In a few moves, I'll have him in a sweet checkmate.
"Multiple, actually," I shot back while smirking, which earned me a glare, but he said nothing as he paused to analyse the board.
At last, there was a knock at the door and we both scrambled out of our seats while simultaneously calling for whoever it was to come in. I smiled when the door opened to reveal Gaius and Merlin, but then my face fell when I realised they both held remorseful expressions. I quickly made eye-contact with my brother and he gave me a sad look, which caused my stomach to twist.
"Sire, Astra," Gaius bowed respectfully – which I knew was aimed at the King, 'cause he knows I hate having people bow to me; especially my family!
"Is there any news?" Arthur asked, his features still holding hope. Although that faded when the physician didn't respond. "I thought that once we had got him back to Camelot, with your care..."
"The staff that caused his wound was forged using powerful sorcery. Only the Disir themselves have the power to counteract it," Gaius informed us in a grave tone.
I let my gaze jump to Merlin, who nodded in confirmation. I felt tears starting to form and tried to swallow them. Then I looked up at Arthur and stepped closer to him when I noticed that some tears had formed in his eyes as well. I slipped my hand into his. He looked down at me for a moment before sighing and addressing Gaius again, "There must be... something you can do."
"I am afraid not," the elderly man responded, taking a second to give me a sad look. "We must prepare ourselves for the worst."
Arthur looked down at me once more with a pensive expression and I tilted my head. What is he thinking? He swallowed thickly and nodded, seemingly to himself, before returning his attention to Gaius. "I will go to them," he stated.
My eyes widened. "Art–"
"I will beg for mercy."
"Y-you really think that could work?" I asked, my voice a bit shaky.
"I have to try, my love."
I sighed and nodded. "All right. When do we leave?"
"At once," Arthur responded. Then he turned to Merlin and ordered, "Prepare the horses."
"C'mon, I'll help," I mumbled and moved to grab my brother's hand. He didn't look too happy with the idea of going out there again, but he still gave me a nod before walking with me towards the paddocks.
Seeing as Dallas, Falcon and Tequila were exhausted; we grabbed Shakespeare, Tolkien (I figured there is no harm in having Merlin ride our late friend's horse) and Cinderella this time.
"You couldn't save 'em?" I asked my brother in a whisper.
"No," he responded with a shaky sigh. "It is as if their magic was blocking out mine."
"That can happen?"
"With enough power, yes," he answered while casting me a wary look.
"Well, thanks for tryin'."
"Of course."
We led the three horses towards the courtyard once they were ready, and there we reunited with Arthur, who'd been thoughtful enough to pack a bag for me. I thanked him with a quick kiss and then the three of us mounted and we were off.
I halted Shakespeare when the cave came into view and tangled my fingers in his mane as my hands began to tremble slightly and my heart-rate began to speed up.
"Astra?" "Darling?" Merlin and Arthur – now off their horses some metres ahead – called out at the same time while turning back to look at me, seemingly just noticing that I'd stopped.
"Um... maybe I should hang back this time," I said in a mumble, my eyes not meeting theirs as I kept them aimed at the black horse below me.
I heard some shuffling and glanced up to see Arthur walking my way. He placed a hand on my knee when he reached me and then he grabbed one of my hands. His touch subdued the trembling almost entirely, and even more so when he kissed my knuckles.
"I told you – what happened was not your fault," he assured me.
"Maybe, but I still should stay out," I responded. "I don't wanna get riled-up and ruin any chances you might have at savin' Mordred."
He gave me a pained look, but I didn't let it affect my decision. My mind is made up.
"All right," he relented with a sigh. I frowned in confusion as I watched him take off his belt, which held Excalibur in its sheath. "Keep this for me. And do not wander too far," he instructed while handing me the sword. I guess he's taking my brother's advice from earlier about being respectful.
"Yes, Sire," I responded with a mock salute and a forced chuckle before grabbing the weapon and laying it on top of my duffel bag behind my saddle.
Arthur rolled his eyes and kissed the back of my hand again before returning to Merlin, who had remained by the cave.
I made eye-contact with my brother and we exchanged a nod – a silent reassurance that he would look out for Arthur and that everything would be okay. Seconds later, they disappeared into the cave and I was left sitting atop Shakespeare, my stomach churning in fear of what could happen.
I started to softly sing 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd to myself in an attempt to dissipate anxiety while I continued to play with Shakespeare's mane.
My boys came back outside only about five minutes later and I leaped off my mount before racing into Arthur's arms, feeling like I could fully breathe again as he enveloped me in a warm embrace.
"What happened?" I asked, pulling away slightly to look at his face. Anxiety returned upon finding that he looked troubled.
Arthur gulped and averted his gaze.
"They offered him a deal," Merlin responded. I turned to him and found an equally disturbed look in his eyes. "Mordred's life in exchange for Arthur embracing the Old Religion, learning its ways, and bowing down to the goddess."
My eyes widened as anger flared in my chest and I looked back up at my King. "What did ya' say?"
"They gave me until dawn to think about it," he responded.
I tried to contain the fire raging in me by clenching my jaw and I nodded in understanding. "I take it we're campin' out here, then?"
"Yeah," my King breathed out.
I nodded once more and turned to my brother, grabbing his arm as I told him, "Hey, help me untack the horses, will ya'?" and I didn't give him a chance to respond as I grabbed Shakespeare and Cinderella's reins. Merlin seemed to catch onto the fact that I wanted to have a private conversation and he didn't question my actions before grabbing Tolkien and following me towards a small clearing in the tree grove, where I figured that the equines would be comfortable for the night.
"All right, what is on your mind?" my brother said as soon as we were far away enough from Arthur.
"Merls... I want Mordred to live as much as anyone," I prefaced as tears began to pool in my eyes once more.
"But..."
"Not like this... I mean... You know that I want magic to return to Camelot, and for you to be free. Nothing would make me as happy as that. But it has to be Arthur's decision because he thinks it's what's right. Not because of a bunch of b*tches who are playing God in order to force their will."
"You still see it that way?"
"You don't?" I questioned. He sighed and averted his gaze while he bit on the inside of his cheek. "Dude – you know that Art's been deeply hurt by magic before. But he still made peace with the druid boy ghost, and he rescued that old lady, and he allowed a druid to be a knight... He's slowly changing his mind for the better, and I'm sure that he'll get to where we want him to be eventually. He'll open up his heart, I'm sure of it..."
Merlin nodded in agreement and I sighed before continuing.
"But what do you think'll happen if we allow these women to dangle the life of a man over his head as leverage to force him to bring back magic? To do something he still fears? And what message will that send to other beings with bad intentions out there? That they can just manipulate their King by playing with lives... He'll just grow bitter against magic again and Uther's cycle will repeat... It's just evil to back him into a corner like this. I can't stand for it..."
I trailed off when I noticed Merlin standing still, appearing dumbfounded as he stared at me.
"What do you think?" I asked in a whisper.
"I had not thought about it in that way," he mumbled with a sigh. "But... I think you are right, Astra. I had this... feeling of dread when we were in there. The way the Disir spoke... almost menacingly. It feels wrong to surrender to them."
"And you're not just sayin' that 'cause you don't trust Mordred?" I inquired.
"I am not," he responded with a shake of his head. "What you said the other day... how you believe in us... You are right. We have already come this far, and Arthur has become who he is largely because of us–"
"Careful with the arrogance, Merls," I warned playfully, earning a glare that promptly turned me serious again.
"You know that it is true, even if it shocks you to accept it," he said pointedly. I sighed and nodded. "We cannot let these creatures force Arthur to do something he is not ready for," he continued. "Magic will be brought back to Camelot eventually. I am sure of it. Just not today."
A relieved smile formed on my lips and I gave him a tight hug.
My heart bled for Mordred. It twisted, and burned with acid, and broke into pieces, leaving me breathless and making me shed a few tears and tighten my grip on my brother. He is so young, and good, and full of promise... But I have to protect Arthur above anyone else. Not because I'm the freaking queen, or a knight, or whatever; but because I love him more than anything.
"We're on the same page, then?" I asked in a whisper.
"Yes. We are."
With that, we separated and hurried to actually untack the horses before going in search of Arthur once more. We found him in another clearing, not too far away, with a campfire already set up before him, and he rested with his back against some rocks a few metres away from it. I hurried to sit by his side and threw my Avengers blanket over the both of us before curling up against him. He gave me a half-smile, wrapped an arm around my waist, and rested his head on top of mine.
Merlin sat down a few metres away from us, letting out a sigh that visibly dropped tension off his shoulders.
"How did you know this place was sacred?" Arthur asked him.
"That is obvious," my brother responded. I nodded in agreement – the Disir are obviously important to the Old Religion, making their dwelling place sacred.
"Pretend it is not," my King pressed.
"Everything here is... so full of life," Merlin replied, a small grin forming on his lips. "Every tree... every leaf... every insect. It's as if the world is vibrating... As if everything is much more than itself."
My eyes widened in wonder. That must be the magic speaking because, while nature has always produced a calming and reviving feeling in me, I can't quite sense everything he's describing.
"You feel all that?" Arthur questioned.
"Don't you?" Merlin asked, his eyes darting between us.
"I wish," I mumbled in response. My King simply shook his head, appearing almost surprised. Merlin grinned and looked away.
The atmosphere fell silent and Arthur began to fiddle with my hand, his brow furrowed deep in thought as his eyes became fixed on a specific point on the ground. I let my gaze drift towards my brother again and we made eye-contact. I discreetly nodded towards my King and Merlin nodded.
I reached up to kiss the side of Arthur's jaw, effectively gaining his attention, and then I asked, "What're ya' thinkin'?"
He shifted slightly and kissed the side of my head before taking in a deep breath and shaking his head. "I am not sure what to do. My heart says do anything I can to save Mordred."
I shared a quick look with my brother and breathed out a "Yeah."
"But I have seen what misery unfettered sorcery brings," Arthur continued. "Before my father outlawed magic, Camelot was almost destroyed by sorcery. In my own time, Morgana has used it for nothing but evil."
I nodded in understanding, my previous conversation with Merlin ringing true.
"This is your decision as much as it is mine, Astra," my King stated, causing my eyes to widen in shock as they snapped towards him. He seemed amused for a moment as he gently squeezed my side. "I know that you are not against magic, so what do you think we should do?"
I bit down on my bottom lip and looked towards my brother again, asking for a final nod of agreement on what we discussed. He gave it without hesitation and I took a deep breath before responding to Arthur as I turned back to face him, "It's true, I wouldn't mind having magic around. Or some forms of it anyway... And I'm all for religious freedom..." He nodded in understanding. "And I'd give up an arm to save Mordred if it helped..."
My leg began to bounce up and down as tears pooled in my eyes – yes, again – and I glanced at Merlin once more. He gave me another reassuring nod and I wiped away the tears.
"But not like this," I let the hammer fall. Arthur gulped, nodding in understanding once more. "Those witches... It's like they're extorting you, y'know? Playing with a boy's life in order to get what they want... I don't think that Mordred would want you to bow down to them and be manipulated like this..."
"And it would send a dangerous message to other beings who might wish to gain power," Merlin added when I trailed off.
I nodded. "If we bring back magic, it has to be on our own terms."
Arthur let himself fall backwards with a shaky sigh, his grip on me tightening. "You are right," he breathed out. "I have only been thinking about Mordred, and not about how this could affect Camelot as a whole."
He bowed his head while sniffling a little and I reached up to place a gentle hand on his cheek. "It breaks my heart, too, Artie. But..." I trailed off again and clenched my jaw as my stomach pooled with acid again.
"I know. You are right," he repeated and kissed the inside of my wrist. Then he stood up and announced, "I will inform them of our decision."
The ride back to Camelot was a gloomy one. My heart really felt as if it'd literally been torn apart. Maybe Mordred wasn't around for long, but I grew to deeply care for him. Like a little brother that I never wanted. The weight of having condemned him to die felt excruciatingly heavy on my shoulders and I couldn't quite breathe properly as Shakespeare cantered softly underneath me. However, in the grand scheme of things, I'm convinced that we did the right thing.
'The price of freedom is high... It always has been...'
We slowed down the horses to a walk as we approached the entrance to the courtyard and Arthur reached for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as soon as I surrendered it. We shared a half-hearted grin and I sighed sadly.
I kept my eyes on the ground as the clip-clop of the horses' hooves making contact with the cobblestone produced a steady rhythm that gave me a guideline to regulate my breathing. My companions and I stopped at the bottom of the main staircase and I hopped off Shakespeare, holding back a groan when I felt my legs stretching fully for the first time in many hours.
Arthur's magnetic pull on me was activated and I drifted to his side, wrapping my arms around his waist as I felt the heaviness of our situation crash against me once more. He returned the embrace and kissed the top of my head. "We are all right, darling," he whispered gently.
A sudden gasp coming from my brother caused me to push away from my King. My jaw instantly dropped when I found none other than freaking Mordred standing just outside the castle, looking as good as new and sporting a small grin on his face.
"Son of a gun, you're still alive!" I exclaimed as the boy rushed down the staircase. I darted to meet him at the bottom and hugged him tightly. Arthur soon joined in.
"You scared the crap out of us, buddy!" I scolded playfully once the hug ended and I gave the boy a soft punch to the arm.
He gave a sheepish smile before turning concerned and saying, "Gaius said that the three of you went back to the Disir to save me... I pray you were not forced to bow down to their demands."
I glanced at my brother, who looked stunned out of his mind. I could almost hear the destructive thoughts of Kilgharrah's dumb prophecy rumbling through his brain. I sighed before returning my attention to the young knight, figuring that honesty is the best policy in this case as I responded, "That's the thing, they tried and..." I gulped as I hesitated.
Arthur squeezed my hand, giving me a look of mortification when I glanced up at him.
"You refused," Mordred realised. I slowly turned to look back at him. I recoiled when I saw that he seemed relieved.
"Yeah..." I breathed out.
"I am glad. I would not want you to sacrifice everything you have built in order to save me," Mordred reassured us, his eyes remaining on mine for a moment as he grinned slightly. "I suppose they must have changed their minds."
"Yeah... I wonder why," I mumbled and sent another glance towards Merlin.
"Perhaps they are not as corrupted as we thought," Arthur concluded.
"Maybe," I sighed and reached over to pat Mordred's arm. "Look, whatever. The important thing is that you're alive n' kickin'. You still owe me a sparring session."
"I shall look forward to that, Astra," he responded with a full smile.