Ruby Rose learned that guilt was a dangerous and powerful thing. A great motivator, both towards the good and the bad.

The good: she'd finished the sword within 48 hours. It was some quality work, too, very clean, and the vid tutorial for etching dust channels was excellent. She felt great about it. Very great. And highly motivated, even if she was being burdened with insomnolent psychosis again— the ethereal birdcalls were kinda enjoyable, now, a pleasant ambience. She also felt like she physically couldn't close her eyes.

The bad: she felt very close to either death or apotheosis, and at this point she couldn't tell the difference. Her heart— if it could be called that— was juddering between her ribs, propelling her stolen blood around so quickly that she heard it in her ears and felt the bulging veins on the backs of her hands. She drank water, but it felt like funneling the whole of Lake Castellan down her gullet wouldn't sate the disgusting, puffy dryness of her tongue and gums. She was also ticcing like a motherfucker— frequently through shakes of her arms, scratching with her claws, or twitches in her face.

Ruby swung the sword, then shook her head and tried to remember how Weiss did it— her swordsmanship and grace: lunge, cut, and thrust— but she felt stupid. She knew she'd done the sword right, at least. The mass was mostly on the hilt to mid-blade half so cuts felt natural, and the light end made thrusts feel as accurate as her own wrist could dictate. The sheath felt heavy on her hip— there was a lot going on in there, so it made sense. Not like it mattered. Not like it mattered at all how good it was, or that it was perfect.

She just needed Weiss to like it.

"Ah, Miss Branwen-Rose. I thought I'd find—"

Ruby whirled and thrust for the voice with real intent to kill— that was a voice she couldn't hear right now, not while she was breathing so hard she couldn't breathe. She struck Ozpin dead-center in his chest, his white Aura rising to capture her blade's point like smug, pinching fingers.

After a pause that said, 'you're stupid,' he finished: "You here."

Ruby scowled at him, wrenching her sword back and sheathing it. "What." She tried to sound deadpan, but her voice came out too quickly not to sound frustrated or slightly panicked. Her claws scratched the concrete shop floor. "What do you want."

He bent forward and squinted at her, his dark glasses sliding down his nose so his eyes could pierce hers. "Ah, animaphagia," he observed with a growing smile. "As I'd hoped. Have you noticed any changes?"

Ruby scowled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Miss Ruby—"

"Branwen-Rose."

"Does inconveniencing me by making me say a longer name make you feel better? Because I don't mind doing it."

Ruby crossed her arms. She said nothing.

Ozpin rolled his eyes, though his smile remained. "Miss Branwen-Rose, I can see your soul expressing through your irises. I'm sure most can. Does your team know?"

"Of course they do," she lied, pinching her shoulders. 'I dunno,' she'd told them, referring to the glow, 'Maybe it's my Aura evolving, or something. I did have a lot of near-death experiences in a very short time.'

That was not a thing, but they either believed their leader or saw that she was still alive and decided not to question it. Either way, with their classes separate, Ruby's free time had been monopolized by the lonely work of tourney prep. She didn't talk to Yang much. Or Blake. In fact, Ozpin might've been the first person she'd spoken to in, like… what time was it?

Ruby went to check her phone.

"It's on the table, and it's three in the morning."

Ruby's pocket was phoneless. She'd left her phone on the table. It was 3:13AM.

"Did you not believe me?"

Ruby jumped. "I—" she cleared her throat, which felt like skipping rocks in a desert. Turning away from Ozpin then back to him had an effect like two disjointed shots in a movie, as if she'd just been teleported in from somewhere else. She couldn't tell if it was her or if he had a weird Semblance. "What?"

"Nevermind," he easily dismissed, tapping his cane as he rounded Ruby's workbench. It was the only one occupied in the room. "I heard you're competing in the Singles and the Doubles?"

Ruby nodded. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I want to," Ruby answered defensively. "Why do you care?"

He grinned like a lamprey. "Because you're my favorite student, obviously. I don't want to see you get hurt overworking yourself."

He motioned to the mess that she probably was. She flipped him off. "Where's your handler?"

"Not here," he said toothily. "Just you and me."

His words were a rotten curse on her ears, pushing Ruby away with a curdled expression. "So fucking gross," she mumbled, opening the recording app on her phone and starting it. "I'm recording, you creep."

Ozpin rolled his eyes. "You still have your Aura? And your Semblance?"

"Y…yeah?"

He hummed. "Interesting. Have you noticed a reduction in capacity?"

The only time she'd really tested the capacity was when she was full of Weiss, so, "I don't know. I've been busy."

"'Busy?'"

He already knew. She could see it in his eyes, somehow, he fucking knew.

"Busy doing what?"

Ruby considered her options, as well as her current state. Realistically, the most he would know was that she'd been off school grounds. "Buying drugs," she answered.

He looked her up and down, his smile finally showing a small amount of strain. "Yes, I can see that."

Truthfully, she'd just asked Nora for samples, assuming she'd be the type to hock narcotics. She was right— the empty plastic bag in her shorts proved that. If Ruby was gonna stay up working on the weapon (which she knew she would), she preferred to be able to focus. "What? Gonna kick me out?"

Ozpin snorted. "Miss Branwen-Rose, if you think you're the first drugged-up student we've turned a blind eye to, you're dead wrong." He smiled even wider, even sweeter. "Strung-out disappointments run in your family."

Ruby grit her teeth. "I am not 'strung out.""

Ozpin laughed. "You should see how much your hands are shaking."

"What're you, fourteen? Did you just discover schadenfreude? Fuck off."

"Learning Atlas-ese from your partner?"

Ruby winced, which made Ozpin's smile glow through his eyes. "They don't speak Atlicht up there," she hissed defiantly. "It's Mantell. Now stop creeping on your students."

"I always knew you'd have issues with her," he commented, looking around the room as if Ruby weren't even there. "That 's why I made sure you'd get put together: the hotheaded Faunus with a streak of violence, the Fourth fresh out of a fanatical cult, so desperate to breathe her own air that…" he cut himself off, straightened, and adjusted his cravat. His grin remained. "Well. Nevermind that. You should leave the Doubles."

Wow, way to bury the lede. "No," Ruby said firmly. "That's stupid. Why?"

"Because you're going to get hurt doing that much; your liability of a partner is going to hold you back."

Would Weiss want her to fight that? Even if they weren't nemeses anymore? "I've done worse."

"Have you?"

Arms broken, legs broken, fragged by her own weapon, saw Weiss dead, watched Weiss die, hands sliced nigh in half (multiple times! Woo!), watched Weiss die again, stabbed through the chest, (technically) died, burned her heart in half, (actually) died, saw Weiss dead again, watched Weiss die again…

"Yeah," Ruby said with certainty. "I have. Now please go away."

Ate Weiss… she ate Weiss…

"Go away. Seriously."

Did she still have a tendon in her teeth? She could feel it. Or was it a tic trying to rise?

Ruby turned to yell at Ozpin to go away again— she hadn't even realized she was looking away from the old man— but he was already gone. It was just her in the workshop. Again. Her and her new sword. Weiss' new sword.

She took it off her hip and dropped it on the table, getting it out of her hands as quickly as she could. It felt like holding something toxic, something cursed.

It was Tuesday, now. She hadn't slept since Saturday, at least. Last time she woke up was in a cold sweat, grinding her teeth to get rid of the feeling of knuckles between them.

She didn't mind not sleeping. It meant she didn't dream. That was good.

But now the sword was done, she was out of stims, and her brain felt raw. She had no reason to be awake anymore and her body knew it. She buckled. She let herself fall. She crawled under the workbench and curled into a ball.

The floor was dirty. She didn't deserve any better.

"Here, Weiss. Here's your sword."

"Ruby."

"I'm… gonna go back to bed."

"We have class."

"Okay."

"Oi! Do not flee!"

"Sorry."

"Ruby! Look at me!"

"Why."

"Because— dear god, hast thou slept?"

"I'm going to bed."

"Quit thy sulking!"

"Why."

"Because I've no clue how this thing works! Look at it! I— I've only screwed on a pommel!"

"It's easy. Sheathe it, select, then unsheathe. Go ahead."

"Such a thing cannot be so— oh. 'Tis that simple."

"Anything else."

"Yes! Yes! Many things else— stop leaving!"

"What."

"I can't fight with this damn thing if I've not sparred with it!"

"You won't have to."

"And why would that be?"

"I'm pulling out of Doubles."

"WHAT?"

"I'm going to focus on Singles."

"You— you can't do that!"

"I've gotta. We can't do Doubles."

"Why not!"

"I ate your thumb."

"Wha— that— Florabel!"

"Sorry."

"Oi— oi! Don't even think about blink—"

"Hey, Rubes?"

"Wassup?"

"Why aren't you sparring with Weiss?"

"Because you're better."

"Oh… wow. I mean, thanks, but A: that's harsh, and B: that doesn't sound like it. You're avoiding her."

"We're avoiding each other."

"No, she asks for you all the time. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"Fine, look, I pulled out of Doubles, okay?"

"You did what?"

"You heard me."

"Some bullshit is what I heard! You both—"

"Just me. I pulled out."

"Dude! You— you can't do that! Did you even talk to her?"

"No. I just… I needed to, okay?"

"Ruby… dude…"

"What."

"Dude…"

"Just put your hands up, Yang."

"No, dude. Go talk to Weiss."

"What? I need to spar for Singles!"

"And she needed you for Doubles! You're a huge asshole for that, whatever the reason! So not cool, Ruby!"

"Don't—"

"Talk. To. Your. Partner!"

"I— wait! Yang! Get back—

"Here."

"God… dammit."

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"I'll figure something out."

"Hey, Nora? You think you can help me spar?"

"Alright. Yeah. Yeah, for the tourney. Singles, yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. Cool. Sounds good. Thanks."

"Uh… I guess. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. We can… do that. Just help me spar and we can. Yeah. Yeah. Repay the loan, yeah. Yeah. Y-yeah. Sure. Uh… thanks. Thanks, Nora. Yeah. See you in a sec. Uh… o-okay. Bye."

"Oh my gosh! Ruby! You are ama-zing!"

"Ah… hah. Thanks. You're pretty good, too."

"Alright! Round tw—"

"Waiwait! Just… just a second. I need a sec."

"You okay?"

"Yeah— I will be. Just… phew. Not gonna pass out."

"We can take a little break."

"Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds—"

"And we can do that thing."

"W-wha— Nora! There are people here! This isn't a private area!"

"Shit, long as they pay I'm cool."

"No! Wearenotdoingthat!"

"Yeah, but you kinda already said we are, so…"

"Not. Here."

"There's a locker room."

"Omigod, that's worse!"

"I don't see how— what do you think locker rooms are for?"

"There's, like… dirt! And sweat! And stuff!"

"Wow, you just listed three things that would exclusively enhance my experience. Awesome."

"Ugh. Fine. I guess."

"Wicked. Leggo."

—-HSHSHHHHSHHH—-

"Wowwwww, Ruby, you're—"

"Woah, watch out."

"Catch meeeeee—"

"Nor—"

"Ow… you didn't catch me."

"Sorry."

"It's just cuz Will isn't here, isn't it? Nobody around for you to make jealous… that's kinda hot."

"Will? Who the fuck's Will?"

"Winston?"

"Weiss?"

"Yeah, that guy!"

"Girl."

"That was a girl?"

"Y— w— we've been here for months! She wears the girls' uniform!"

"So? Rennie does that all the time and I'm pretty sure he looks more effeminate than Wizz does."

"Weiss."

"He's got them child-bearing hips."

"That's… that's great, Nora. How much longer till your Aura's back up?"

"Depends. You got a fork?"

"Why?"

"Cuz I see a bunch of outlets."

—-HSHSHHSHSHHSHH—-

"Mom? You never call."

"I'm calling now."

"Yang talked to you, didn't she?"

"That doesn't matter. What do you think you're doing, Ruby! Do you know how awful that is? Pulling out of the Doubles without talking to your own girlfriend— god, you're just like Summer!"

"Woah— woahwoahwoah— one: I don't have a girlfriend, two: mum did that to you?"

"Yeah! She did! Like an asshole! So why are you doing it?"

"Because— because I'm competing in Singles, too. I didn't want to overextend myself. And I'm stronger than Weiss, she'll hold me back… we could get hurt."

"You know, you're right. You would be overextending yourself, and you are stronger than Weiss— from what I could assess, at least— but why was that last part the only thing that didn't sound like a lie?"

"I don't know—"

"Ruby, I made you. Not in a gloating sense. I literally made you. I know when you're lying. You do that thing where your voice goes deadpan— you got it from your mother. It won't work on me."

"It's not that deep, mom."

"There you go again. Tell me something true."

"I am."

"You're not."

"I—"

"Ruby."

"Look! It doesn't matter, okay! I— I can't…"

"Ruby?"

"I…"

"Come on, fledgeling, don't be a coward! Tell me!"

"Is mum there?"

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"She's Hunting."

"She's doing that again?"

"Yeah… she is. Come on, Ruby. Tell me the truth."

"Mom…"

"I won't tell Summer. I promise."

"What?"

"Seriously. I promise. I won't tell my wife, no matter what. There are a million things I've told you not to tell her, and you never did. I figured trust can go both ways."

"Well of course I didn't tattle on you, you're my mom."

"So is she."

"Mom, I—"

"Please, Ruby. I— I don't want you to get hurt again. I don't want to see that again. I… I care for you, fledgeling. Y-you know that, right? Don't you?"

"Uh… yeah, mom. Of course I do."

"I love you, Ruby."

"You're starting to worry me."

"No, no, just… when I saw you, back then… with the train, I… I thought you were dead, and I was… I just… I thought, 'Oh. Does she know I love her?'"

"You're messing with me."

"I'm not. I love you, Ruby. I just want what's best for y—"

"I don't want to be a Huntress."

"You… what?"

Ruby blinked at herself, realizing which seven words had so unceremoniously slipped from her piecemeal heart and snuck out past her lips. "Uh— joking— aha. I— pleasedont'ttellmom."

The line was as dead as Ruby was bound to be if Summer found out. She was tempted to hang up and throw the phone at the nearest wall, then shave herself bald, cover her face in tattoos, and live in the urban wild as someone named 'Yurb Seor'. Thankfully, after a moment, Raven's voice returned, though more quietly than Ruby had ever heard: "You… you really don't want to be a Huntress anymore?"

Ruby winced. "Mom, I never wanted to be a Huntress."

"You… you never…"

"I… I was gonna bail on all the entrance exams," she admitted, "I had a whole five-year plan written up. I wanted to go to engineering school."

"Engin…eering … oh my god, you never wanted to be a Huntress."

Ruby felt a pained scowl pull at her own lips. "No, mom. I'm sorry."

"But… you always said Summer was your hero."

"Well, yeah. She's, like, basically a superhero. I just don't want to be a superhero."

"That's why you had so many designs… it was…"

"The only way I could express myself. Yeah."

"Oh… Ruby… I…"

"I'm sor—"

"Fuck!"

Something crashed over the line.

"Shit," Raven spat. "And— and I just— fuck, Ruby!"

"I'm sorry I—"

"I didn't want you to go, either!"

Ruby nearly dropped her phone. "You what?"

"You were in that bed after the Torchwick thing, all tubed up, and… god, Ruby! I wasn't ready for that!" There was a sniffling sound, but it must've been a false construct of her sleepless mind. "I— I thought I was and I tried to act like I was, but… god!"

"M-mom?"

"Fuck, Ruby, why didn't… no, of course you didn't tell us, we— fuck! I didn't want to hand you to Oz! That guy's a fucking jerk! He made you sign those papers under duress, didn't he!"

"Uh… yeah?"

"Fuck. Did he ever say anything weird to you?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you record it?" Raven hurried, piqued. "Please tell me you recorded it."

"I did, but… mom, what're you saying?"

"I'm gonna sue his liver-spotted balls off, is what the fuck I'm saying."

"You can't do that!"

"Hell the fuck yes, I can. Just you fucking wait and see." Raven laughed a harsh and cruel laugh, but it slowly died down into a somber, almost whispering tone. "Ruby, I fucked your whole life up. I'm going to do something right, for a change— for you. You deserve it. I'm sorry we— I— we— whatever, I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell us that— no, no— I'm sorry we made you feel that way."

Ruby checked her phone to make sure this wasn't a particularly complex insomnolent hallucination, but no, her phone was working and 'BIRDMOM' was the contact on the screen. "Mom? Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"

"Huh?"

"Shouldn't you be, like, mad at me? For being a poor warrior? For failing my bloodline?"

Raven snorted. "I am! I am mad at you! I'm so mad that you can't be the thing I want to be, but… but fuck it! That's stupid! That's bad parenting! And I've been such a steaming piece of shit to you, Ruby, I'm gonna make it up to you. I swear to god. I'm gonna sue that fucker for every wrinkle on his dick, then that money's going straight to you, okay? Whatever college you want, I don't give a shit. All for you, okay?"

Ruby inhaled. She exhaled. She was still alive. The world had not split open beneath her feet, despite how much more likely that felt than whatever this was. "O-okay. Uh… okay." She nodded as if Raven could see. "Yeah."

"Good. Now just stay there, okay? I… I need time to find an attorney, or something, and I gotta… shit, I gotta hide this from Summer. Okay. Fuckit. I'll figure it out— Ruby!"

Ruby jumped at the command in her mother's tone. Even across the phone, it stoked old instincts. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Stay there as long as you can— at least through the tourney— and collate as much shit as you can so we can Oz-pin it all on his old ass, got it?"

"Yes!" Ruby barked, blinking. "W-wait, seriously? We're actually doing this?"

"Damn skippy! And make up with your girlfriend!"

"She's not—"

"That's an order!"

Beep.

Ruby sigh—

Vvvvrt, vvvvr— "Mom?"

"I love you! I forgot to say it! I love you!"

"Okay, me too, but Weiss isn't—"

Beep.

Ruby Florabel Branwen (Rose) looked down at her screen, wholly addled. It was almost 8PM. She hadn't attended a single class today. Despite the news that all her dreams would be coming true, she couldn't bring herself to smile. She could barely bring herself to continue her existence. She wanted to crawl into the bathtub, turn on the water, and drown. She very much wanted not to live, which made her feel even worse. Could she not just enjoy the moment? Could she not be happy that she got what she wanted? What gave her the right to continue feeling unsatisfied?

Ruby rolled off her bed, then rolled under it as soon as she hit the floor. She stared up at the bed frame. It was cool, down there. It was quiet. Something about the tiny space felt… safe, even if she couldn't stretch her legs out without her claws poking past the end. She breathed. Zwei came by to sniff her face and lick her cheek before going back to whatever he does most days. She sighed.

She tried to think about Nora and the things they did, but that only left a gnawing guilt between her guts and her chest. She hated herself for that. She didn't enjoy any of it, and it was so clear that even Nora noticed. Now she felt dirty, guilty, and unsatisfied.

"Weiss, I'm sorry."

It was easier to say than think. One she could just throw out, the other would have to sit in her thoughts.

"Weiss, I think… I…"

Start over. Cover the essentials.

"Weiss, I'm gonna leave. After Winterfaire, my mom's gonna sue the Headmaster. She… she said it'd pay for my college."

Doing good. Now, just keep going. Apologize.

"I'm… sorry. I… I didn't think… I wasn't…"

Come on, Ruby, come on.

"I just… I didn't want to see you get hurt again."

God, that felt good.

"I keep… dreaming about you."

Woah there, getting a little gay, but okay. Stay on track.

"Literally all the time. Every night. You kinda haunt my fucking mind, actually, ahaha."

What the hell?

"I can't see you get hurt again—"

Alright, sick, cool, reel it back—

"Unless it's me."

Second's fucking blessings.

"I don't give a shit if you think I'm worthy or whatever—"

Where the hell is this going.

"So I'm making you my nemesis, whether you like it or not!"

But… she wouldn't even be at the school—

"I will make visits specifically to kick your ass and remind you to whom that kick'd ass belongeth! Bitch! You are mine and mine alone, do you understand me?"

It's so fucking over…

"And I know you have a huge gay crush on me so let's get it over with becauseIkindalikeyoutoo! There! All better, apology done, now kiss me, woman!"

The support-slats of the bedframe remained deadpan. They stared eyeless. Judging. Unimpressed.

Ruby tried to sigh, but sucked in a dust bunny on the intake.