Ranma glared down at the bowl in front of him. Everyone was staring at him as they ate theirs.

"...Is there something wrong with your plate, Ranma?" Kasumi asked. "I made it the same as everyone else's…"

Ranma blinked. "Looks right." He sniffed. "Smells right."

Genma, who had been unusually patient up to this point, quickly snatched a good portion of food from Ranma's place and swallowed it. "Tastes right too!"

Ranma didn't react. Genma frowned, and poked his son sharply. "What's the matter with you, boy? You have to try and eat something."

Ranma took one last look at the dish, before standing up and walking away. "I'm not hungry."

"Boy, what's wrong with you!" Genma shouted after him. "A martial artist your age needs his strength! Don't expect me to save you any for later, or go easy on you in our next session!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Ranma grounded out.

"Last chance, Ranma." Genma's voice was still loud and obnoxious, but the slightest hint of concern now colored it. "You know an empty stomach never did anyone any good, and Kasumi's cooking is always delicious."

"Whatever, old man." The pork went uneaten.

It had been a few weeks since…whatever that had been. Mousse had attacked with a new technique that made forks and knives bounce between frying pans that he pulled out of his sleeves to try and trap Ranma in a net of death. It was quickly put to rest by informing Cologne where all her cookware had disappeared during rush hour. Next, Kuno came around with a parade float made out of flowers for Akane and his pigtailed girl that he crashed through the Tendo's main gate because his ninja henchman couldn't drive the damn thing. The flowers were of course supplied by Kodachi and full of poison gas, though it was unclear if Kuno knew that going in. Ukyo and Shampoo got into a cook-off challenge, with both Mousse and Konatsu trying to sabotage their own side's baking because Gosunkugi had convinced them that the dough was haunted by a centipede demon.

To cap it off, Happosai had spent a week dangling Ranma's secret in front of Nodoka before Genma bravely stepped in and forced Ranma to ride a unicycle across the city while the old grandmaster (along with his two students) tried to sabotage him. This somehow resulted in Happosai getting blind drunk and forgetting why he was in town, which made the old troll stumble off and become some other prefecture's problem for a few weeks.

And in all that time, no one had seen Ryoga.

Not that Ranma had asked around or anything. Akane was just worried that she hadn't seen her precious P-chan for a long time, and Hinako was curious why there was one less delinquent in the streets.

Nabaki also wanted to know for whatever reason. "Still no clue when my other cash cow will roll into town, Saotome?" She asked with her usual pretense of politeness one afternoon. "He's been gone a lot longer than usual."

"How the hell should I know?" Ranma grunted out as he ran through his warm-up kata he kept screwing up for the sixth time. "You know the dumbass as well as me. He's probably taken a wrong turn in Kyoto and now he's off in some other country."

"Wandering the hills north of the thirty-eighth parallel, no doubt." Nabaki hummed. "Still, are you sure you don't have any clues? Maybe you know why he disappeared?"

"I have no idea." Ranma said very deliberately.

"That's funny, since you were the last person in town he was with."

"Of course I don't—" Ranma slipped up midair, and fell to the floor in an undignified heap. "How do you know I was the last person he was with?"

"A little birdie told me." Nabaki shrugged. "And then you just confirmed it."

"Ryoga was like he always is." Ranma said as pushed himself back up. "He wanted a fight, and then wandered off the minute I took my eyes off him."

Her smirk was breaking through. "And is that why you came home in a dress bawling your eyes out after he stopped holding your hand?"

"I didn't cry!" Ranma yelled. "As if Ryoga of all people could ever make me cry!"

"Of course not, you big strong manly man. It must have been dust in my eyes." Nabiki reassured him. "But you were wearing a dress and holding his hand?"

"I—He—You—" Ranma sputtered. "Y-you know Ryoga! He has to be led around! Of course I was holding his hand, how else was I supposed to make sure he didn't up and disappear?"

Ranma could see the moneybags behind Nabiki's eyes. "So the fiance pools are getting a shakeup. And one that I can sweep."

Something in Ranma stopped dead. "What—"

"Let's start at 50,000 yen." A finger twirled through Nabiki's bangs. "Everyone has already noticed that you're being weird with all your questions about Ryoga, so if you don't want rumors flying out of control, I'm going to have to put actual work into this."

"Nabiki, stop—"

"Of course, this is all probably some magic mushroom, or wish-granting sword, or even one of your own hair-brained schemes, so it shouldn't last too long. Still, with everybody panicking, I should be able to rattle some of the suckers for a quick buck."

"It isn't—"

""I'll even let you off the hook for some of your debts if I clear off with enough cash." Nabiki gave a small, self-assured laugh. "It's not like you've gotta do too much work, right? All the usual suspects will be pulling their hair out, but the two of us know what's up." She shrugged like she had seen it all. " And in the end, everything will go back to normal. It's not like any of this is real—"

Something snapped. Ranma surged forward, and grabbed Nabiki's shoulders with force. His voice came out as a growl "Shut. Up."

Nabiki's face ran a gambit of emotions. First was pure, unadulterated shock. This quickly morphed into anger, and she started to shout at Ranma, but her eyes suddenly caught on something on his face. Again, her expression changed to confusion as she glared up at him, before settling into…it was too frustrated to be called concern. Curiosity tinged with academic anger, maybe.

"Hands off, Ranma." She finally bit out. He did, and she quickly turned away, muttering to herself as she rubbed her shoulders.

Ranma exhaled, and returned to his training. Fuckin' Ryoga. Always making everything so damn complicated.

Another week or two went by. Principal Kuno tried to use Kodatchi's pet crocodile Mr. Turtle as the official school mascot, and the unofficial barber. A new fiancė appeared out of the aether. This time it was a girl from the martial arts school of stand-up with downright painful punchlines, and who's dowry had been a single first class train ticket from Fukui to Morioka, a trip Ranma had spent dangling out the window on a fishing pole. She eventually left after deciding she couldn't use anything in Nerima as material—too unbelievable, she'd said.

To cap things off, Taro showed up to start some shit right when Nodoka had come into town, and so Ranma had to spend the better part of a day hiding from his mom while trying to dodge barrels of hot water Pantyhose juggled in his curse form.

After sending Taro packing by nailing him to passing truck with some ancient amazon martial arts-proof duck tape, after enduring a little chat with Nodoka about how "A nice girl like Ranko should find herself a manly boyfriend" with remarkable grace, and after a long, hot soak, Ranma was ready to collapse into bed.

But the universe could not allow that. It would make life too simple. As Ranma rounded the corner to his room with a yawn, Akane walked by fussing with something in her arms. At first, Ranma thought nothing of it, as whatever bundle of black and yellow in his fiancė's arms was too small to be a pillow.

Then his brain registered the words "black and yellow", "small", and "in Akane's arms" had all been in the same sentence. Ranma very nearly tripped down the stairs, just barely keeping himself from falling face first on the floor. "Akane, what's that you're holding?"

She turned around. Sure enough…"P-chan finally showed back up! I've been worried sick about the poor thing, but I found him asleep in an alley during my night jog! The little guy was shivering!"

"Is he alright!?" That had come out more forcefully than Ranma had intended…

"I think so. He's breathing fine, and doesn't have any cuts or bruises. Though he hasn't woken up yet…" Akane frowned, before summoning up a grin. "But when that happens, he's going to be happy and healthy!" And indeed, the pig was fast asleep in Akane's arms. Ranma watched as the little bastard nuzzled lower, pressing into Akane's stomach.

"Hey…Ranma, you're still not jealous of the little guy, are you?" Apparently he had been staring, as Akane shifted away from him while transitioning into a glare. "You always try to scare P-chan off!"

"...Jealous? Me?" Ranma tried. "Of a pig?"

"No, of me." Akane rolled her eyes, and started walking towards her room with the still sleeping Ryoga tucked away in her arms. "We have the same argument every time P-chan shows up, Ranma. I think my fiancė doth protest too much."

"That's—" Ranma started, before forcing himself to stop. He was exhausted, and really didn't have the energy to get into another shouting match with Akane. It would be for the best if he settled down for some well-deserved rest, and dealt with whatever the hell Ryoga dragged in after breakfast. Not that it would matter. The stupid bastard would probably be gone by then…

Two hours later, Ranma was still lying wide awake, staring up at the ceiling.

What if Ryoga left before Ranma woke up? What then? Would it be another month before they saw each other?

And why should he care in the first place? That's one less maniac to deal with.

But things had ended so…they'd ended, and Ryoga hadn't even heard Ranma's side of things. Shouldn't he be forced to listen after so clearly avoiding Nerima for the past month?

Again, why should Ranma care? Let sleeping dogs lie. All he had to do was insult the stupid pig after a quick soak, and everything would be back to normal.

But what if it didn't?

Yes it would. It always did. Shut up and go to sleep.

What if Ryoga has woken up already and left?

All the better. No more reason to toss and turn. Go to sleep.

But then he wouldn't be able to beat the shit out the pig for sleeping with Akane. Or letting Akane sleep with him. Or—

Fall asleep already! Akane will do whatever she wants with the stupid bastard, and he don't care one—

Wait, sleeping with Akane or letting her sleep with him?

Ranma sighed and pushed himself out of bed. The stupid thoughts were back in full force. And technically, Ryoga hadn't even shown his face yet.

It would be best to just grab this bull by the horns, Ranma decided. Enough screwing around. He was in his guy form and would remain that way. He and Ryoga would have a man to man talk, which would put an end to all this nonsense without his girl form making anyone do something stupid.

But he was having those same thoughts now as a guy—

And they would be squashed as soon as he and Ryoga had the man to man talk. Besides, Ranma had spent all day in his girl form. Whatever this was could be entirely blamed on lingering girl-brain.

Ranma groaned as he threw on a pair of pants. He might as well make sure Ryoga wasn't doing anything perverted.

Fishing the pig out of Akane's room was easy enough, with both Akane and Ryoga still asleep. Thankfully, Akane hadn't taken the little shit into her bed, instead putting him in a little nest of pillows—probably because Ryoga really was knocked out from the look of things. The porker didn't even notice when he was picked up, and just nuzzled into Ranma's arms.

"Don't try and play cute with me, you little prick." Ranma muttered under his breath as he snuck into the furo. As quietly as he could, Ranma turned on the hot water, filled a bucket, and splashed Ryoga with its contents. Sure enough, The lost boy was now laying in the slightly damp tub.

…A very naked lost boy. With Ranma looming over him, barely dressed in a shirt and some shorts.

Quickly thinking it might not be the best idea to wake Ryoga up in this situation given their last meeting, Ranma moved to run to the laundry and get some pants and a shirt, propping open the door —

Which loudly creaked, as if out of spite.

Ranma froze. Ryoga grumbled, and tossed around a bit in the tub, before thankfully settling down.

…The second Ranma left the room, Ryoga was going to wake up and then disappear, wasn't he?

That meant that he'd just have to accept some typical Nerima awkwardness. No biggie. He and Ryoga had been in weird spots. Ranma let out the breath he had been holding, and tip-toed back to the tub. Carrying Ryoga back upstairs and dressing him there before slapping him awake and having their chat seemed like the simplest option. Of course that meant carrying a naked Ryoga, and that…

Maybe he should just pour water over the bastard until he wakes up. That seemed like the new best idea. Ranma reached over to the faucet, coincidently leaning over Ryoga's body, from his shaggy hair, his lean muscles that traveled all the way down his torso, and down to his pelvis and thighs where—

Ranma once again lurched backwards, frantically trying to control his breathing. It didn't mean anything, he was a guy, he had one of those too. That was just nerves, when he was looking at Ryoga's abdomen he must have seen a breath pass faster than normal which caused Ranma to react to the unexpected movement. Or he just had a healthy sense of modesty. Even if he barely cared about his own and constantly flashed Ryoga—

Ranma slapped his face. Hard. This caused Ryoga to groan again. Ranma nearly screamed, but once again Ryoga settled down after a few seconds.

So. The situation remained the same. And with Ranma's luck, that meant the next time he tried to do anything, someone was gonna come through the door wondering what all the racket was about. Probably Nabiki with her camera for added bonus points.

Maybe Ranma could just get over his weird thoughts by himself. Just…hash it out with an unconscious Ryoga. Inside his own head, so he didn't make any sounds. With the real Ryoga naked in a tub next to him. That sounded doable.

Ranma hadn't meant to kiss Ryoga. It just sort of…happened. While Ranma was trying to prove that he wasn't attracted to Ryoga. Which he proved, because Ranma hated the lost boy more than ever, and Ryoga was avoiding him like the plague. So clearly it worked. And now…

…Yeah, that didn't even sound convincing in Ranma's head.

He'd just wanted to get rid of some weird thoughts that had been rattling around in his head. And flustering Ryoga had been working wonders, but then that stupid car had come, and Ryoga had looked dashing, and, and, and…

And now it was affecting his guy side. And that couldn't be. Because he was a man amongst men. And that meant he couldn't like other men! It wasn't manly!

It was the curse. It had to be. The kiss happening in girl mode was the problem. The same girl-brain virus that had been hitting him recently must have been in full force then, plus he was usually in girl mode when the not-crush first reared its head. It made sense. He wasn't gay, just cursed!

Ranma just had to regain control. The problem had been that he'd tried to prove himself wrong in girl form, that was it. If he did it now, as a guy, his original plan would work. He wasn't gay, and he'd hate it, because guys don't like kissing other guys. It was simple, bulletproof logic!

And it meant that Ranma would kiss another guy. For real.

…No. No, no, no it didn't. Because Ranma wasn't doing this to kiss Ryoga. He was doing it to cure himself of whatever his girl-brain was doing to his male half. Because if he let it fester, it could get even worse. Just thinking about what would happen if he started having these feelings for Taro, or Mousse, or worst of all Kuno…

Really, this was the most manly option available when someone really thought about it.

Ranma swallowed the lump in his throat. Time to be brave. Doing what he could to keep his heart still, Ranma stood over Ryoga, taking care not to look anywhere lower than the neck.

Their faces were inches apart, and nothing could stop his heart from beating like a jackhammer. And Ryoga, the dope, was just lying there. Gently snoozing away. It was almost cu—

Shit. It was getting worse. Ranma needed to act fast. Dashed expectations and all that. He bit his lip, and took the plunge.

It was a lot like the girl kiss. A smooth pressure on his lips. A pleasant tingling. A gentle warmth. And after a while the sensation of someone pressing further into the kiss. Which couldn't be Ranma, of course. He was just doing this to get the sudden flash of disgust that should be kicking in any second now.

…But if he wasn't pressing in, who—

Ranma's eyes shot open just in time to see Ryoga's cracking. He thought to stand up, run and hide, splash cold water over himself, to do anything, but Ranma's limbs were paralyzed for some reason.

"Ranma, what's the matt—" Ryoga managed to mutter while lip locked. A few seconds passed as Ranma remained frozen, staring down at his rival, unable to move. Then Ryoga blinked, and his hands started to wander around the tiles, Ranma's body, and then his own naked—

"Ranma—" Ryoga violently shoved Ranma off him, and started wheezing. "Ranma—" He stared down, looking for answers. He found none. The lost boy took a deep breath, and started to shout. "Ranma, whAT THE FU—"

Ranma's hand shot out and muffled Ryoga. The lost boy struggled, but thanks to the awkward position, only so much as Ranma searched for any sign of someone moving in the house. After a minute of nothing and Ryoga's squirming dying down, Ranma turned back around.

"What the shit was that, Saotome!" Ryoga hissed. "Do you have some sort of sick fetish now, kissing people who aren't expecting it!? If you did this to Akane, or anyone else, I'll—"

"It's just you!" Ranma squeaked out. "I haven't kissed anyone else, I swear!"

Ryoga glared at him with genuine hatred that—that—

…No. It wasn't quite hatred, nor was it Ryoga's usual array of negative emotions. It was more like…

Ah, that was it. The same strange look he had given Ranma after they kissed the first time.

"...And why did you do that?" Ryoga finally asked.

"I was trying to cure myself! I've been feeling—I mean, my curse has been making me feel weird things, espe—sometimes with you!"

Ryoga kept staring. Ranma ran his tongue over his very dry lips, and tried to continue. "It makes me n-notice things about you. Weird things. Almost like a c-cru-cr-c-cr-"

"Like a crush." Ryoga finished.

"If you want to put words in my mouth." Ranma looked at the ceiling, the walls, out the window, anywhere that wasn't Ryoga. "I needed some way to shock myself out of it, and break this spell, so I thought kissing you would be the best way to cure myself, because you've never kissed anyone so that means you should be a crappy kisser."

The faucet was dripping. "When it didn't work the first time, I figured that the problem was that I was in girl mode at the time, so that screwed with things, so I figured that us kissing as guys would do the trick!"

Ryoga still wasn't saying anything. Ranma dared to look back. His expression hadn't changed either.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, pal. At least not like that. But since that's all done, what do you say we just call it quits?" Ranma held out his hand. "What's done is done, and we never have to speak of it again."

"...Did you find your cure?" Ryoga asked quietly.

Ranma blinked. "What?"

"You heard me, Saotome." Ryoga leaned forward. "You still got your crush on me?"

Ranma was suddenly very, very aware that Ryoga was still naked. "Well—I—"

There was supposed to be a disgusting feeling at the end of the kiss. But there hadn't been. Just embarrassment and even more confusion.

"Look, both the kisses were stupid mistakes, even for this town. I'll even apologize for 'em. I don't know what I was thinking either time man. Like I said, let's just forget about all this, call it another Koi Rod or something, and—"

"Did you enjoy the kisses?"

Ranma froze up. "You see—that's—" Ryoga's expression was still a mask. "Look, the first one didn't count! It was just with my girl form, and that isn't real! And this one, It's just a bit fat screw up! Let's just forget about it!"

No response. Ranma felt his pulse impossibly quickening. If anyone else found out, there would be pandemonium. He could maybe play off the girl kiss, maybe, but if word got out about this, there would be blood. He would be a laughing stock for the rest of his life.

And if his mother found out, she would—

"Look, Ryoga, I know you don't want this getting out, and even if anyone believes you, all the crazies after me will come after you too." Nothing. "You don't want them all chasing you, do you?"

Silence. Well, a Saotome was never too proud to beg. "Ryoga, please, don't say anything. If Akane finds out, it'll cause a huge shitstorm, and if my m—my old man find's out, I will die, you understand? Don't you want to kill me? I—"

"I enjoyed both of them."

Ranma was snapped out of his ramblings. Between his pleading and begging, Ryoga had developed a subtle blush.

"...What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself Ranma." Ryoga said hotly. "I enjoyed both of them."

Ranma tried to process the information. After a minute, he decided he couldn't. "What does that mean?"

"It means…" Ryoga glanced down. Like he always did when he was nervous. "It means…I don't know, really." He twiddled his fingers together. "But, I think…maybe…we could find out?"

Ranma felt his stomach flip and twist. Sweat started bubbling through his pores. "Ryoga are you out of your f—" Ranma nearly choked on the lump that was back in his throat. "Do you seriously know what you're suggesting? What are you asking me to do?"

"I do!" Ryoga's blush was getting worse. "And yes, I'm serious! I spent weeks thinking about this, and this alone! I want—" He gulped. "I want to try!"

"Why! Why the shit would you ever suggest something like that? We're both guys!" Ranma had to stop himself from shouting. "And don't even try to say that it doesn't count because I'm half girl! Because I'm not!"

"Well maybe I just wanted to take you completely off guard like you did to me!" Ryoga snapped back. "See how you like after all the times you've humiliated me with pranks like this!"

"If you think, for even a second, that anything I've ever done to you can match even a fraction of what you've just asked me to do, you are even dumber than I thought." Ranma growled. "First, we're both guys, so we can't, end of story. Second, I already have half a dozen fiancės breathing down my neck, and this will get out, one way or another! And if my dad get's wind of this, his whining will go nuclear!"

"So you're too afraid to make your own choices, then?" Ryoga crossed his arms under his chest. "I didn't figure you to be that much of a wuss, Ranma."

"Shut up, dumbass!" Ranma snapped. "And finally, I'm a man amongst men! Under pain of death! I'm not going to risk it!"

"You still haven't said that you don't want to do it."

"O-of—of—of course I don't!" Ranma grabbed Ryoga by the hair. "I'm a man! So are you, allegedly! So start acting like it, and don't come to me with any crazy bullshit!"

Ryoga stared at him, and then took a deep breath. "I just remembered, I owe you two out of the blue."

"What are you—"

Ryoga leaned in and silenced him. Once again, his lips were pillowy and inviting. Sweet and savoury. And this time, Ranma knew it was him pressing deeper.

When they came up for air, both men were blushing bright red. Ryoga tried for a cocky, confident grin. "Well?"

It looked horrible on him. Ranma took a few breaths in, then out. "It was something alright. Something real stupid."

Ryoga leaned back, a concerned expression on his face. I-if you want, we can leave it here. I didn't mean to push you Ranma, but—"

"Real stupid that you think that was a decent kiss." Ranma wrapped his arms around Ryoga's neck, before plopping a big fat one on Ryoga. He didn't really know why he was doing it. Everything he had said was still true. But Ranma supposed that he had a habit of jumping into danger for the sake of it.

After a moment, they separated, and Ranma went for the window. He turned back, still blushing. "The-there's some clothes that should fit you on the dry line. Put 'em on before you catch a cold."

At least Ryoga was blushing as much as him. "Y-yeah, thanks…"

Ranma looked away. The stars were out, promising the future. "Don't think you can get away with wandering off for a month again. Stay close until next time, dumbass."

"I-I was thinking." Ryoga stammered. "About…you know."

"Well leave the thinking to me, dipshit. It doesn't suit you. Never has." Even if the moon was half full, it glowed more brightly than Ranma could remember it.

"Whatever you say, jackass." Ryoga sounded happy. Giddy. For the first time in a long time. "I won't tell a soul if you don't."

"Thanks, pork-breath." Ranma hopped out of the window, and prepared to return to his room.

Then he spun around, narrowed his eyes, and growled. "And from now on, if you even think about sneaking into Akane or anyone else's bed, you will be a pot roast come morning."

Ranma didn't bother to listen to Ryoga's next excuse, and jumped up into his room. Minutes later, he was sound asleep, a cocky grin on his lips.

So, some of you might have noticed the max chapter count went up to five. I thought I could make it a two shot, but this chapter just kept getting longer, and I had barely gotten half of the ideas I wanted out. So, more writing for me and more fic for you, hope everyone enjoys that arrangement.

I also felt it was important to include Male Ranma pretty heavily into the equation, as one of the most interesting parts of fanon Ranma is how you can twist and bend gender in ways Takahashi never intended to. I could have gone with a standard transfem pitch, but I'm hoping to go for something a bit…messier.

Join us next time when Ranma and Ryoga continue their illicit tryst, dodge fiances and their own guilt, and explore how to bury your complex feelings about your own sexuality behind make-out sessions!