"In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength." ―The Dragon of the West

/

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I'm being roughly jerked awake.

"Come on Zuko!"

Aang?

"Wake up!"

"What are you doing?" I grumble, waving him off me as I sit up. "What time is it?" I squint out the open doorway. It's pitch black outside. What, in the name of the Spirits, is going on!

"Come on!" Aang's yanking on my arm. "We've got to be long gone before the others realize we're gone."

"Gone?"

"To the Sun Warrior ruins!"

That snaps me fully awake. "Aang—"

But he's already bounding out of my room. I'm beginning to understand why Toph calls Aang Twinkle Toes.

I scramble after him, wincing as my ribs let their complaints be known at the sudden movement. I hesitate a moment before stepping over the threshold. If I go through with this, Katara will surely kill me, but if I don't? Neither Aang or I may find our respective drives. Call me selfish, but I really, really, want to go. Hopefully I won't screw everything up and regret letting myself hope, even for a moment.

I hesitate so long that Aang speeds back towards me. "We've got to go!"

But I do have to make sure of one thing. "Aang."

The tone of my voice finally catches his attention.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You know what it looks like right?"

Aang looks nonplussed. "Like you've kidnapped me. Don't worry, I've left a note."

A surprised snort escapes me before I can help myself. "I'm sure a mere note will assuage Katara's worries."

That gets a guilty look out of Aang. "I know the danger but I still want to go. And I want to go with my firebending teacher. Which is you the last time I checked."

I smile despite myself. Spirits this boy is infectious! No wonder I kept my distance in the past. If I had spent any real time with Aang besides hunting him down he would have won me over simply with his charm. I can't believe I ever thought of him as a means to an end. What a stupid idiot I was.

I relent, letting Aang pull me towards Appa. He gives one of the rooms a wide berth. It must belong to Toph. I have to suppress a chuckle. Even if she did wake up and sense us leaving, I'm pretty sure she'd guess where we're off to and let us go. Her gruff demeanor and rough exterior are starting to grow on me.

Once we reach Appa, Aang effortlessly leaps onto Appa's head with the help of some airbending. I contemplate the dizzying height I'd have to clamber, even going up Appa's tail, to get to his saddle. Normally, it wouldn't be an issue, but right now? With my ribs the way they are? I'm not even sure I'll make it off the ground.

Aang's easy smile vanishes when he realizes why I'm still on the ground. I hate the worry that clouds his eyes. He shouldn't worry about me. I don't deserve that.

"You want some help?" he ventures tentatively.

"Not really." I contemplate the climb again. "But I'm pretty sure I'll fall and need help anyways. So why not?"

He gives me a relieved smile. Was he afraid I'd say no? Well, I guess he has a right to. When have I ever accepted help before? My ego may be bruised but I know my limits. I'm not getting up to the saddle without help.

The ground rumbles beneath me and then the next thing I know I'm shooting upward on a pillar of stone. I gratefully collapse into the saddle.

"Sorry." Aang winces when he gets a look at my ashen face.

"All good," I croak out, waiting out the nausea at the sudden ascent and height caused.

Aang gives me a sympathetic look before turning forward. "Yip, yip!"

I groan, clutching the side of the saddle as Appa shifts beneath me and then leaps into the sky. Oh, Spirits! I almost puke when I catch a glimpse of the ground far below. This is so much worse than a war balloon!

/

Somehow, I manage to fall asleep. The next thing I know, the sun is rising and we're over the ocean.

I prop myself up on the side of the saddle, studiously looking anywhere but below. "We've been riding for hours!" I complain mostly because I want off. "I don't know why, but I thought this thing would be a lot faster."

Aang turns towards me, giving me a knowing smile. "In our group, typically, we start out our missions with a more upbeat attitude."

I walked right into that one.

I groan, leaning back so I'm looking up at the passing clouds. "I can't believe this," I grumble, mostly to myself.

"Don't worry," Aang says cheerily. "You'll get the hang of it!"

I don't bother answering. Instead, I worry about the reception we're going to get when we return to the Western Air Temple. I know Katara's going to be pissed, possibly decreeing I be locked in my room forever. I shudder inwardly. That would…suck But I haven't earned my freedom. I'm not sure I ever will make up for what I've done.

A flutter of air against my face alerts me to Aang settling beside me. I crack open an eye to eye him. He's folded his knees to his chest and it seems like there's something on his mind.

"What is it Aang?"

He shoots me a nervous look. "You never said yesterday what your drive is."

I sigh, grunting into a sitting position. I don't know why I'm so terrified to admit this. I guess I'm just worried Aang won't want me as a teacher once he finds out.

"That's because I don't know what my drive is anymore."

At Aang's confused look, I stand up and perform the zuoyou lōuxī àobù. A tiny spurt of flames is all I produce.

I plop back down, my shoulders dropping. "I refuse to let anger and hatred be my drive anymore." I struggle to fight back tears. "I have to figure out a new drive, but I'm terrified I never will. I don't know who I am without my firebending." I have no idea why I tell Aang that last part.

Aang's quiet next to me and I'm terrified to look at him. I'm afraid to see his disgust, hatred, and disappointment at my betrayal. I really am an awful person.

"I'm sorry," I choke out. "I should have told you earlier. I'm just so desperate to prove that I've changed, that I can be better." I don't fight the tears. "Maybe there's no hope I ever can."

I turn to move away, but Aang's hand is on my arm. "Don't give in to the despair."

I startle, a memory of a long forgotten cave and Uncle's words rushing back to me. I slowly turn back to Aang, a small smile on his lips. "In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself."

"That is the meaning of inner strength," Aang finishes, dropping my arm. "I don't blame you for not telling me."

"You should."

Aang shakes his head. "I get it. Your entire life you've been taught that showing any sign of weakness is wrong."

My fingers stray of their own accord to the scar on my face.

He gently takes that hand and lowers it. "You're not weak Zuko."

I shrug away from Aang, his sympathy and understanding stinging. I don't deserve it. "It's already too late for me." If only I had listened to Uncle's words back then. When I'd abandoned him in that cave, I'd already lost him. "I gave in to despair. I allowed myself to slip down that road and I surrendered. I surrendered to my lowest instincts and I've hurt everyone I care about." I abruptly stand up and pace away from Aang. "I don't deserve the honor of teaching you."

"That's not true Zuko!" Aang has sprung to his feet. "You deserve a second chance, a chance to be happy!"

"No I don't," I finally yell, spinning on Aang.

He takes a step back at the ferocity in my voice.

I run a hand through my disheveled hair, hissing as my ribs twinge with pain.

"You don't understand," I say softer. "My mother's grandfather was Avatar Roku."

"What?!" Aang's eyes have become as wide as saucers.

"I was always destined to betray you. I've always been at war between the good and evil inside me." I collapse to my knees, the magnitude of the legacy Uncle revealed to me suddenly too much to bear. "I've always chosen the evil of my great-grandfather Sozin. I can't be trusted to choose right now or in the future." I bow my head in shame. "I'm not worthy of being your teacher let alone…your friend."

Aang lands with a soft plop on his knees in front of me. "Zuko, look at me."

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can't. I'm not strong enough to face his anger, his pain at the sins of my ancestors.

I jerk when his hands land on my shoulders. I still don't have the courage to face him.

"You are not Sozin. And you're not your father."

Not what I was expecting him to say. I chance a glance at Aang's face. He's not hurt or angry which shocks me. No, the tears sliding down his cheeks are those of sadness.

"I don't care what anyone else says. You are a good person. I can see Roku in you."

"But—"

"I'm not done yet!" Aang snaps and I clamp my mouth shut.

"I couldn't think of a better teacher to teach me firebending. Fire can be dangerous and wild. You understand how easy it can be to hurt the ones you love. I am honored to call you my teacher."

I'm caught so off guard I don't even fight Aang when he wraps me in a fierce hug.

"And I'm honored to call you my friend."

Tears now flow freely down my cheeks. I hug Aang back just as fiercely despite my protesting ribs.

"Me too," I barely manage to whisper. "It is a great honor to be your friend."

"See?" Aang says with a smile when he leans back. "There's always hope."

I don't have the heart to tell him he's wrong about me.

Author's Note

I always found it odd that the Gaang never finds out the story behind Zuko's scar. For the purposes of this story, both Toph and Aang have their suspicions. Everyone else just thinks it was a childhood accident of Zuko loosing control. I have plans for the Gaang to hear the whole story, but that will come much later.