Omake: The Death of Ciaphas Cain
All around the Slawkenberg Sector, trillions of people mourned, for today the Great Liberator Ciaphas Cain has died. No beast, plot, or malevolence could fell him instead he died of what no one could escape forever, time. All across the hive world of Cainopolis a grand funeral procession carryed the hallowed body of their liberator to the Hall of Remembrance. Inside everyone's hearts was fear for the future for Slawkenberg bolstered by the final speech of the Liberator to take courage and keep hopeful for now their destiny was truly theirs.
Well, I died. Surprisingly not in some horribly cruel and drawn-out way that my many, many enemies designed for me. I thought about taking some sort of cheat, but the alternatives for death seemed to be a poor choice which surprised me due to how much time I spent saving my own hide. Now floating in this intangible void, I only hope that I wasn't found by Nurgle, or Slaanesh, or Khorne, or Tzeentch, or anybody for that matter.
Suddenly, I was stopped and right in front of me was a big golden glowing guy who did not look pleased at seeing me. "Frak!"
"CIAPHAS CAIN" groaned the figure in an ethereal whisper. "Yes, Emperor," I whimpered. "GOOD JOB." "I'm sorry, what?" "GOOD JOB. I AM VERY PLEASED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED FOR THE IMPERIUM AND MANKIND."
Instead of taking the praise, I decided to do the stupid thing and argue with the all-powerful being. "I don't understand. I was the leader of a Heretical planet and later sector, I killed countless Imperial leaders, I led a Black Crusade.
"YOUR ACTIONS WERE A MASSIVE DISTRACTION FOR THE FOUR TUMORS. SLAANESH, KHORNE, AND TZEENTCH SPENT AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF TIME AND RESOURCES TRYING TO SWAY SLAKENBERG AND GETTING THE ULTIMATE PRIZE OF YOUR SOUL WHILE NURGLE WAS BEING A SALTY ASSHOLE ABOUT IT AND TRYING TO KICK DOWN EVERYBODYS SANDCASTLE. DESPITE THIS YOU NEVER ACTUALLY GAVE UP YOUR SOUL TO THEM. WHILE THEY WERE ALL NAVELGAZING, I HAD CENTURIES TO MOVE ABOUT WITH A FREE HAND."
"ALSO, THOSE "IMPERIAL LEADERS" YOU KILLED WERE HUMAN GARBAGE. I ACTUALLY STARTED USING YOU AS A HUMAN GARBAGE DISPOSAL. YOU SAVED TRILLIONS OF LIVES BY ENDING THOSE ASSHOLES. LITERALLY YOU HELPED ME NEARLY AS MUCH AS MY BEST BRO FOR LIFE."
"What happens now?" "NOW YOU COME WITH ME AND WE'LL DISCUSS THE FUTURE UNLESS YOU RATHER HOOK UP WITH YOUR DEMONIC BOOTY CALL." "Here's good!" As I start to make pace with the Emperor, I had one more question on my mind.
"Emperor, what will happen to Slawkenberg?"
"WELL...