cw: body horror, blood, insects, cacti

There was a small crowd outside Luna's house. Harry didn't think much of it until he drew closer and someone broke free from that crowd. It was a small woman wearing a bright pink dress and a black beehive hairdo. As he got closer, he noticed the seams on her dress were strange; she was wearing it inside-out. She was a witch, one who wasn't used to muggle attire.

Without warning, she drew her wand and cast obliviate at him. In spite of his age and the fact he hadn't been in a real, magical duel in years, Harry's reflexes were excellent. He drew his wand and countered it almost without thinking. The word expelliarmus was halfway out of his mouth when she held up her hands in apology.

"Sorry sir!" she said. "Thought you were a muggle."

She scurried back to the group. After a moment, Harry put his wand away and approached.

There were five people huddled around a car, where they studied a crude map of the street. One man, seemingly in charge, pointed at different areas on the map, giving orders. He stopped when Harry approached.

"Why are you here?" Mulciber said.

Several sarcastic replies jumped into Harry's head. He decided to quash them all.

"I'm visiting someone in that house," he said, pointing to Luna's home across the street.

"You know Luna Lovegood?" the woman who attacked him earlier said.

"What's going on?" Harry said.

"What's going on is Ministry business," the woman said. "Just go about yours."

"It's all right Tricia," Mulciber said. "Mr. Potter used to be one of us. He's not going to cause any problems. Are you?"

Again, the sarcastic replies rose up in him, and again, he pushed them down. He shook his head.

"Give us a mo'," he said to his team. They wandered off, forming a loose circle on either end of the street.

"Mulciber, what's going on?"

"Welfare check gone bad, I'm afraid," he said. "Your friend Lovegood has been causing a bit of trouble for the Department of Education. She's got three kids in there. We're here to make sure they're okay. That's been… Difficult. We're waiting for a specialist."

"I've met her kids," he said, "they're fine. They're well-fed. They go to school. I'm not an expert, but I haven't seen any sign of abuse."

"Then why's she so intent on keeping them hidden?"

Harry frowned. Mulciber pointed at Luna's home.

"That house doesn't exist. Normal magic detection just passes over it. It's practically unplottable, but only for wizarding kind. Not sure how she did it. If we hadn't noticed unusually strong spells being cast inside, we would never have known the house was even here."

Harry remembered his curse breaking Luna's lamp and the time Min almost cast a levitation spell under his guidance. Guilt weighed down on him; had he done this?

"She's entitled to some privacy," he said.

"Nobody's allowed this much privacy. They should have gotten their Hogwarts letters years ago. They sent owls, but they all came back looking bewildered. A representative was sent from the school to hand-deliver them but was hurt trying to reach the front door."

"She attacked someone? That doesn't sound like Luna."

"Maybe you don't know her as well as you think," Mulciber said. "She put up some kind of ward. We're not sure. Just waiting for the curse-breaker to show up."

Two muggles came up the street, walking a small dog. One of Mulciber's people intercepted them, quickly casting the memory charm and sending them away. Harry winced.

"Is that really necessary?" he said.

"Oh, now you have a problem with memory charms?" Mulciber said, tapping his forehead. "Thanks for that, by the way."

Harry swallowed.

"Yeah, I figured it out. I figured it out because you're sloppy, and I'm not a moron. Don't worry. I'm letting it slide. I was gonna arrest you, but Minister Granger convinced me famous Harry Potter in prison is a PR nightmare. Besides, you flying around Europe and visiting Azkaban keeps you out of my way."

There was a faint pop, and a man in a tuxedo appeared in the middle of the street. He straightened and adjusted his bow tie. Mulciber looked around the street and noticed two muggles looking out a nearby window. He sighed and gestured to one of his obliviators who went to the house and rang the doorbell. Harry didn't see what happened next, because he was distracted by Mulciber who charged up to the man in the tuxedo and yelled at him.

"What is your fecking problem?"

The man towered over Mulciber. He sneered down at him.

"Your message said it was urgent."

"My message didn't say 'Apparate in the middle of a muggle street!'"

"I checked," the man said, straightening his cufflinks. "We're not within Glasgow city limits.

It's allowed."

"That's not the fecking point!"

Harry noticed the obliviator in the inside-out dress standing next to him, watching Mulciber.

"Why's he dressed like that?" Harry said.

"Christoph's a muggle stage magician in his spare time. Does a few levitation charms.

Transfigurations. Strictly first-year stuff, but the muggles eat it up. I think it got to his head. He always dresses like that, now."

"If you will allow me," Christoph said to Mulciber, "I'd like to do my job now."

He swept past Mulciber and to Luna's front walk. As he stepped off the pavement he froze. He stood, one foot in the air for a moment, then lowered it, retreating a step. Christoph reached out with his fingers, probing the air. He crouched, took out his wand, and made a few passes through the air.

"Yes," he said. "There is a powerful curse here. It will take me some time to undo."

Harry sighed and shook his head. The man was being overly dramatic.

"This is absurd," Harry said to Mulciber. "I've been here a dozen times. I've never had any problems. Let me go in and talk to her. It'll take less time."

"Not a chance, Harry," he said, flatly. "You have a personal connection to her. Personal connections cloud judgment."

"I got it!" Christoph said, putting his wand away.

He stood up straight, brushed off his jacket, and took a step forward. Christoph stopped on the path and turned to face them. He waved and bowed, although no one applauded.

He screamed.

Purple steam poured out from his collar and cuffs. He tried desperately to unbutton his shirt, but his fingers shook. He grabbed at his shirt and pulled, the buttons scattering on the ground, and it tore free. Underneath, his skin was covered in enormous, green growths that swelled with each passing second.

He scurried off the path, maybe thinking the curse would abate if he got away, but the growths still swelled. In seconds, they were the size of oranges. Then, with a horrid, squelching noise, one of them burst open.

The ground was sprayed with yellow goo. A thousand spiders rushed out of Christoph's wound. They scurried over him in all directions, tiny black monstrosities. He screamed, slapping himself, trying to kill them, but there were too many. Then, they all seemed to turn to smoke and blow away.

Then the next pustule exploded, releasing white scorpions. Then the next one had worms. Then flies and then rats and then bees and then there were none left. Christoph was on hands and knees on the street, his body covered in red sores. He stared down at the spray of yellow goo beneath him and threw up. That was yellow, too.

"Help him!" Mulciber said, grabbing two wizards and shoving them towards Christoph. They dragged him off the street and began treating his wounds.

Harry looked around at the homes on either side of the street. Nearly every window had a face staring out of it. Mulciber noticed, too. He shouted orders at the obliviators, who hurried to knock on doors.

"So," Harry said, "what do you think about me trying now?"

Mulciber nodded.

Harry walked to the corner where the bank of mailboxes stood. As he took the key out of his pocket to unlock Luna's box, he heard a yelp of surprise. Before he even had a chance to turn, a hand grabbed his forearm and twisted it so the key was at eye level.

Christoph, weak, shirtless, half covered in bandages, had run across the street. The two healers who'd been working on him stared in surprise.

"Aha!" Christoph said, yanking the key from Harry's hand. "There was a secret charm to pass through the wards. I knew it all along."

Before anyone could stop him, Christoph held the key over his head and marched to Luna's house.

"Christoph!" Harry said. "It's not the key. Her muggle neighbors come over to visit and-"

He didn't have time to say the rest. Christoph was standing triumphantly on the path to Luna's door. His smile faded quickly.

Harry had to admire Luna's ingenuity. This time there were no giant pustules. This time, Christoph vomited whole, potted cacti.

Harry plucked the key out of Christoph's fingers while the healers began their work again. He locked his wand away and, as he was heading back to Luna's house, he heard Christoph faintly say "It was the wand and the key combined. I knew it." before fainting.

Harry stared at Luna's house from the street. There was no guarantee he wouldn't be harmed. He wasn't sure what the trigger was, but he had a strong feeling the wards would let him pass. Strong feelings were an important element of magic. He took a step forward, leaving the street for the path.

Nothing happened. Harry took a nervous breath and then another step.

Still nothing. After a more enthusiastic breath, he walked to Luna's front door. He glanced back at the aurors on the street. They were huddling behind several cars. He frowned. They'd been expecting something worse to happen to him than Christoph. Maybe he'd explode or transform into mad gorilla. He fought the urge to show them his middle finger.

He knocked once. No response. He knocked again. Nothing.

He turned the doorknob. It wasn't locked. The door swung inward, and he stepped inside.

Luna, wild-eyed and terrifying, stood before him. She was in full dueling stance with her wand inches away from Harry's face. The tip sizzled with green flame.

Harry gulped.