THE KISSING DISEASE

[RE-DO OF MONO IN THE NURSE'S OFFICE SCENE - S2x12 SILLY LOVE SONGS. What if Finn weren't quite so mute?]

. . . . .

"So, what did it feel like when you kissed her?"

"Fireworks."

"Did you see fireworks when you kissed me?"

He pauses, lost in the memory of her kisses and she takes his silence as a response she can't live with. She turns to leave and he knows he's gotta say something, try to explain.

"Rachel, wait–"

"No. It's good. Thank you. Look, you've given me the strength to move on. I know now that there's nothing here for me anymore."

He huffs. His head aches and he's all clammy and the room is kind of swooping and spinning, but even a deeper part of him knows he can't let her walk away feeling like she does right now, assuming the worst the way she always does. The last time he let her walk away with one of his half-ass half-baked responses she ran off and kissed Puck. He sure as hell doesn't want her moving on, especially not with that asshole again.

"That's not the truth. I still... I'm just...I'm so confused in my head right now. But please don't go kissing him again!"

"What? Kissing..." Rachel shakes her head, confused. SHe decides his fever is talking and he won't remember the things he's saying in his delirium. "No, it's okay. Look, I understand. Now I'm free to pursue my dreams without anything holding me back."

He sits up a little more, feeling the sting of that last statement. It sounds really familiar, like not the first time he's heard her say it. "You think I'm holding you back?"

"No, Finn, that's not what I–"

"Yeah, you're probably right. But I've always known that. When you said your dreams were bigger than me, I knew you were right when you said it."

Her brow furrows, trying to make sense of his random words. "When did I... OH. Right. Last year. When you led me on and lied to me. About Quinn. Well, the good news is that now you can have her back and see all the fireworks you want... I guess you didn't really choose me over her after all, did you? Clearly I was the one messing things up between you two all along which was an obvious mistake, since here we are–"

"Rachel, would you shut up!"

"Excuse me?"

"Just, shut up with all that bullcrap! You don't know what you're talking about."

"Finn, you've never spoken to me like this before, not even when we were a couple, and I surely won't let you speak to me like this now that we aren't."

"But why aren't we?"

"Why aren't we what?"

"A couple."

She looks at him confused. This virus must really be wreaking havoc on him. "Because you broke up with me, Finn. I'm sure you haven't forgotten that fact."

"But why?"

"Are you seriously asking me WHY you broke up with me?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Finn, you know why... obviously you know, it's why we're–"

"No. No. Noooo... Nope. You're wrong. You're wrong and I'm wrong and we're wrong."

"You're not making any sense now Finn. I think your fever must be spiking, maybe I should call the nurse."

"No, no, no nurse, just... c'mere."

"Why? Finn, I should just go–"

"NO!" He yelps a little louder than he meant to and it makes his head throb. He tries to collect his bearings and sits up more. He can't just let her walk away now. "Rachel please, just get over here. I'm kinda dying right now and my legs are numb and rubbery like silly putty and the room's kinda spinning a little, so please don't make me get up to come get you."

She sighs and cautiously takes a few steps back toward him. Once she's in range of his long arms again, he grabs her wrist and pulls her close to him. He reaches his free hand up to her cheek while still rooting her to his side with a vice grip of his clammy hand wrapped around her wrist.

"We're wrong, Rach. We're wrong for each other because you ARE so much better than me. You're so much better than me because you saved yours and I wasted mine and I was shitty about it and lied and hid from the truth like a scared little pansy. But I swear it's just cause I didn't wanna hurt you. And then I... I fucked up and said all the wrong stuff. Twice. Because you're way hotter and more beautiful than anyone and that's what I was thinking but then you left. Miss P shoulda let you slap me instead, maybe it woulda set me straight because your slaps kinda do that. Like it did the last time. I mean, I don't like getting slapped – that would be kinda kinky and I'm not really into that, but it could be hot in the right situa—"

"Finn? What on earth are you talking about?"

"I just think I need someone to slap some sense into me sometimes and this time I sure deserved it. You should just slap me and we can like, re-do that part."

"Re-do what part...?" She searches his red-rimmed glassy eyes trying to make heads or tales of his train of thought. "Finn, I think you're delirious now, what are you..." then his mention of Miss Pillsbury clicks in her mind. "Are you talking about our couples counseling meeting with Miss Pillsbury?"

"Yeah. I don't know anything about wallpaper or decorating but I guess I can see how something so important to one person can make the other person screw up when they don't get how important it is to the other person... and I just said the first thing I was thinking, but you left before I could finish. If you stayed, I would've said she's hot but she's also a bitch. And I don't even like her most of the time. Or like, at all really. But you're not a bitch. And you are hot too but you're also BEAUTIFUL, like honest to god take my breath away beautiful."

Rachel gasps at his admission, then places her hand over his forehead. "You've gotta be burning up. I don't think you mean to be saying these things right now–"

He gently pulls her hand down from his head, stroking his fingers over the pulse point at her wrist. "Yeah I'm sick and everything, but I do mean it. Because you ARE so beautiful Rach. You know, you kissing Puck was like way worse than me screwing her, even worse than you screwing St Jackass – I mean, I know you didn't – but I mean if you did it would have hurt less because at least he was your boyfriend at the time. But Puck is just an asshole that ruins my life all the time, and you know, I might have screwed a bitch, but I didn't KISS her. But you... You KISSED him."

"Finn I don't understand what you're say–"

"YOU KISSED HIM, Rach! Sex was just sex, don't you understand? It was just, get it over with and try to forget how Rachel is banging a douche sex. But a kiss is like, personal and intimate and what you do when you love someone the way I love you." He returns his hand to her cheek and brushes his thumb along her jaw.

"You love me? You mean you LOVED me..."

He shakes his head trying to clear some of the fog from it but making his vision tilt instead. His answer comes a little belatedly, but it's honest. "No.. yeah. I mean both."

Rachel's tears had already filled her eyes to the brim and now they were streaming in little rivers trailing down over the curves of her face and pooling around his hand still cupped against it.

"Yes, Finn. A kiss is INTIMATE. It's SO intimate that you SOLD over three hundred of them to strangers yesterday just so you could get another one from Quinn."

"No no no noooo... that's not the kinda kisses I mean. I mean Rachel Berry kisses. Rachel Berry kisses are special. Rachel kisses are... are like the best thing on the planet because they're from this rare special person who's such a talented, bright, loving, huge bright shining star, and I used to get them all the time and now I don't and I miss them."

"But Finn, you didn't want them anymore. Y-you broke up with me – twice, in fact – and you've refused to forgive me for weeks. And you gave me a necklace and said you couldn't be with me anymore... then you made Quinn cheat on Sam and–"

"Yeah, but that's just 'cause I'm a douche and I do stupid things and, well, she is too, I s'pose. She's good at the cheating, you know, like that's what she did to me already... And because you were right, that you're better than me. But I always wanted your kisses, I was just being douchey."

"I never SAID I was better than you, and I certainly never believed that I was, Finn! I said my dreams–"

"But you don't have to SAY it, Rach. It's just true. You just ARE. I've always known it, from that first crazy glee rehearsal. You're way better than me in so many ways, like AAAAALLLL the ways... you're more talented, you're smarter, you're so so fucking beautiful and you're gonna be a big huge superstar on Broadway. I'm just...me. A loser who can't pass Spanish or History without your help. Oh, I think I'm failing again, by the way."

"Finn, you're not making any sense. And you're ill right now, not in your right state of mind, and I'm quite sure this is all the fever talking. I'm sure you'll forget this entire conversation ever happened. I think you should just–"

Rachel's rant was cut short by Finn's lips on hers. At first she's stunned and stiff, but after a moment, his hand slides from her cheek to the back of her neck pulling her closer to him and she melts into the kiss, allowing his tongue to slip past her lips and brush against hers. She reciprocates easily then, falling right back into their same old rhythm. It's a hungry, insistent kiss, full of longing and passion and makes her toes curl and her heart flutter and her stomach flip.

After a few moments she pulls back and wiggles from his grip and holds her fingers over her lips. "Finn! Oh god, you've got MONO, and now I've probably got it too! Why would you–"

"Oh shit, I forgot. Sorry, I just, I needed a Rachel kiss, because I DO always want them. Anyway, you paid for it and I cheated you with a cheek instead. But I was just being stubborn and stupid and... can I tell you something? I don't just see fireworks with you...it's more like, a parade. A marching band, and like, stars exploding. And love... Well, okay I know you can't really see love, but I FEEL it, Rach. It's right here," he whispers as he grabs her hand and places it over his heart. "You showed me where it is, remember?"

A small smile curls on her lips. "You mean your heart? Yeah, and it's still on the other side of your chest, Finn," she giggles softly as she slides her hand from the right to left, her fingers slipping under his hoodie against the soft fabric of his tee shirt. She feels the heat of his fever seeping into her palm and knows he can't mean the things he's saying now. "You're burning up from this fever Finn."

"Nope. Wrong again Miss Berry. One, I'm burning up from your kiss, because you always set my blood on fire with your special kisses. But my heart? I didn't forget... It's actually.. It's right here," he says as he places his large fiery warm hand over the left side of her chest. His eyes widen and a crooked smile pulls at the corner of his lips. "It's beating really fast. You're still taking good care of it for me, right? I mean, I gave it to you for a reason."

Fresh tears sting her eyes as her face crumbles a little. "You gave it to me, and I... I broke it, Finn. I was careless, spiteful and selfish and–"

"You were hurt. Because I hurt you. I hurt you when I lied. I hurt you when I let Santana be the one to tell you the truth when it shoulda been me telling you. I hurt you when I didn't say what you needed me to... And then I missed the part when I was supposed to say shut the fuck up and it's not true that nobody likes you, you know that right? And then Puck defended you so I got pissed some more because why is it always Puck? Why IS it always Puck, Rach?"

She was trying to follow his broken random train of thought, and had to piece together that he must have been talking about their fight in the green room before sectionals. That's when Santana lashed out at her, and that's when Puck spoke on her behalf – the only one in the room to take up for her in any capacity. She'd been so crushed by Finn's responses that night and honestly it could've been the first time ever that she refused an opportunity to perform.

"It's not."

"But it is. You dated him before me. Quinn had sex with him but not me. Then you KISSED him just to hurt me... so why is it always him? Is he really that much better than me?"

"Finn, NO! He's not anything at ALL like you! You're so much better than Noah. I'm so sorry I did that to you Finn. I'm so sorry I made you think that he means something more, because he certainly does not. If there's anything in this world I wish I could take back, it's that kiss. But he doesn't mean anything to me, at least nothing beyond friendship. I don't love Noah and I never did. I dated him last year because, well, he offered, and you were out of my reach. I couldn't have you then, and I thought maybe he could help me forget you."

"Yeah. Been there, done that. That's exactly how Santana Lopez happened. It didn't work though."

Rachel nods in understanding. "No, it didn't, certainly not for me."

"Me neither. I just thought about you the whole time I was with her."

She nods in understanding. "I could only think of you when I kissed him. Both times..."

Finn's jaw clenches. "I hate thinking about it. His lips on yours. Anyone else's lips that aren't mine... because you're mine, Rach. You're supposed to be mine. We... okay maybe we don't make sense. Maybe we're not supposed to work together, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it to. It doesn't stop me from loving you and wanting you to be mine."

"But I'm not yours anymore, Finn. You don't want me, you want Quinn now. And you won't forgive me... Maybe you shouldn't forgive me; what I did was pretty unforgivable, after all."

"Stop it! Of course I want you. I always want you, even if I'm being a douche pretending I don't. And for the record, no, I don't really want Quinn. I just wanted... I don't know. Something to make it hurt less. I wanted to not hate that you hurt me like that on purpose, that you even COULD hurt me like that... I just wanted to feel something else."

Rachel hangs her head and sniffs back a few tears. "I hate that I hurt you, Finn. I wish I–"

Sitting fully upright now, he drapes his legs over the side of the table and wraps his arms around her waist pulling her to stand between his legs as he wraps her in a tight hug. With his chin propped on her shoulder he mutters "I know. I know you're sorry, and I just know, okay? And I forgive you, Rach. So stop apologizing."

"You forgive me?" She pushed back from him to look him in the face. "You're sure this isn't the fever talking? Because I don't think you really mean–"

"I AM sure, and I DO mean it. I forgave you already, like a couple days later after it happened. I guess I was just being stubborn. I'm not used to the idea that you could make me feel that way. I know you won't understand it, but like, Quinn screwed me over last year with the baby and her and Puck... yeah, all that stuff sucked really bad. And it hurt being told that a kid I was falling in love with wasn't actually mine. But YOU hurt me even worse than all of that. I know it's because I love you in a way I never loved her."

"You keep saying love as in present tense."

"Because I DO love you, Rach, that hasn't changed. I was mad, I was fucking FURIOUS... I wanted to hate you but I just can't. But trying to hate you is like, like trying to hate my mom or something." His hands on her waist squeezed a little and he never broke eye contact. "I never stopped loving you... but you broke my trust. And you kicked my pride in the nads pretty hard... so like, I just needed some time to like totally get over it."

She searches his eyes, wanting desperately to believe this wasn't just the fever talking. "Well, you say you forgive me, so does that mean... Are you over it yet?"

He takes both her hands in his. "I wanna be. So bad. I think mostly I am, but I might need a little more time..."

"Oh. Okay."

"But maybe you can help me."

"How?"

"Well, you've gotta earn my trust back. So, I guess that means I gotta give you the chance to do that, right?"

She smiles at him. "Right... but...what does that mean for us, Finn? Are we... are we friends again?"

"Of course we're friends, Rach. But I want to get over this horrible mono crap first. Then I wanna take you on a date. A REAL date, like dinner and a movie or something. I mean, you'd go on a date with me, right?"

"Yes. I would love that, Finn."

"Me too. So we'll go on a date, and then... and then we'll see, okay?"

"Okay. I would like that very much. Of course, I'll probably have to get over MY mono first, too."

"Oh crap! I forgot– sorry again for that... Hey, y'know what that means?"

"What?"

"It means we should just kiss some more now, y'know, since it'll be awhile before we can again, and since you're already infected and all..."

She giggles as she wraps her arms around his shoulders. "I like the way you think, Hudson."

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