Cyberpunk 2074: Woke up as a Sith Lord, Did Nothing Especially Cool

by Kidnapped Sect Elder

Two Sith of the Reconstituted Sith Empire wake up in the shithole known as Night City, fused into one woman with no ship, no money, and no clue how this happened. Luckily, both of them remember being Samyuero Kojima in a past life, a charming, wealthy, long-haired software developer with incredibly good taste. Never played Cyberpunk 2077, but hey, he watched the Crowbcat video.

1. Chapter 1 - Hello There

Content warning: slurs, bigotry, mentions of fictitious lolicon, all courtesy of the narrating protagonist.

Also known as Cyberpunk 2074: That Time I Woke up in Night City With Magic Powers and Squandered Them by Becoming an MMO Addict

---

Hello there! I'm Samyuero Kojima: entrepreneur, lolicon, healer guru, and one-time Dark Lord of the Sith.

Oh? What's a lolicon, you ask? My, my, ohohoho, it seems like you need to keep up with your street slang, choom. Being a lolicon means that I worship lolikko, the most sublime creatures in all of anime, girls whose bodies have yet to be fully ravaged by the terrors of puberty and middle school political intrigue.

Hmm? How the hell is that different from a 'pedophile', you ask? Haha. Did you think I was attracted to children? Do you really think I could get it up for those stupid, unsexy, embarrassing little animals? ...To be frank, it hits way too close to home. Looking at real children gives me Vietnam flashbacks of my own cringe-filled childhood, which is something I try to avoid as much as possible.

Let me tell you now: lolikko are two-dimensional! Sometimes two-point-five dimensional, but never real. There's barely anything sexy about the real female form, but at least girls older than me can ignite my lightsaber with some dominance and nuance.

Children? Children?! I would sooner resort to Sith alchemy to turn into a little girl myself.

The only little girls I want to have sex with are the ones written by adult men. If that sounds a little gay, so what? It's 2074, get with the times, faggot.

Ah, that reminds me, I should probably explain.

Let's rewind the clock three months.

---

A/N: Hello! Let me preface by saying that my writing sucks. I'm a beginner so I can't help it lol. That said, for this particular story, I'm not even trying. Literally just writing whatever trashy stuff I want. You have been warned.