Chapter 10: first kiss

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I sharply jump awake from the alarm of my phone torturing my ears.

Crap.

I forgot to turn it off. That was only necessary for yesterday. Today is my day off. It's where I do nothing. I don't come out of bed before the sun is already going down again. Don't talk to anyo-… wait.

Brittany.

Brittany. Yesterday. Panic. Hurt. Sadness. Comfort. Attraction. Here.

Oh my god. Brittany slept over. And I didn't sleep with her! Me. Santana Lopez kept a girl overnight in my house and I didn't do anything. Can I get a medal for that?

No?

Okay no, I should tone it down a bit. God, I don't know how, but this woman's grief hurts me too. It's like she put a spell on me so I would feel compassion for her. What is that? What should I do about it? Would she feel better today? Do I dare take a look in the living room?

Do I want her to be awake or do I want her to still be asleep? I'm not sure.

I stretch my arms one more time before grabbing my sleep coat and tip toe towards the kitchen. To get to the kitchen I have to pass the couch I know she slept on this night. I suggested to give her my bed a thousand times, lord knows all the places I've slept on through the years, but she didn't want that. She didn't want to be of burden and steal my bed from me, so she insisted on sleeping on the couch.

I try to be as quiet as possible, but of course I stumble against a shoe I forgot I put there and curse through my lips. Instead of hearing a voice, there's only silence.

Curiosity gets the best of me and I look up towards the couch, but I see it's empty.

"Brit ..tany?"

Silence.

Should I panic? Should I have expected she'd already be gone? I don't know. Are we friends? Do friends leave without saying goodbye? Or did she leave when I fell asleep?

I quickly walk to the kitchen to see it's empty too. After a quick search I don't see her jacket or shoes anymore either, so she's definitely gone.

Part of me feels disappointed. I don't know … I wanted to talk to her a bit more I think. Should I call her? Or would she want to be left alone?

Ugh. Humans.

Once I jumped into the couch, a small note catches my attention that's laying on the living table. I don't recognize the handwriting, so it must be Brittany's.

Hey Santana

Thank you very much for your hospitality and for listening to me yesterday, I appreciate it. A lot.

I didn't want to overstay my welcome, so I showed myself out. Anyway. Talk to you later?

Thank you again.

Brittany

Reading the note over a second time, an idea starts to pop into my mind. I rush back to my bedroom, grabbing my phone to ring Quinn. Part of me is hesitant to ask her help, because I know she'll keep it as blackmail for a loooong time, but the other part of me doesn't care.

"Quinn? It's Santana. Can you do something for me? I need a reservation tonight for two at that fancy restaurant we've been to a year ago. And could you ring Kurt, he mentioned a date with Blaine … something about kayaking lessons? I want to know that address."

A few hours have passed since I got Quinn on the phone. It's a bit after midday and I feel nervous.

Why do I feel nervous? It's not like I planned a date, did I? Or don't I? Oh wait a second, is this a d-

"Santana?" A small, timid voice startles me out of my thinking and my head snaps to the source of my name, seeing an exhausted Brittany approaching me.

I wave. "Hey Brittany." I sound way too enthusiastic, so I clear my throat to sound like a more sane person again. "How are you?"

She scans my face, trying to read me. Or trying to see what answer I expect? I don't really know. "Uhm, okay. Thanks again for letting me sleep over. That was very kind of you."

"Oh please, anyone would have done it." I shrug. "But you're welcome." Seeing her open her mouth for yet another gratefulness I raise my hand. "But enough with that, what do you say of spending the day with me?"

Her eyes look very surprised and she raises her arm to scratch a non-existing itch in her neck. "Oh, uhm, I don't know. I erg…"

I gently take her arm, trying to use a different approach. "Do you have anything planned today?"

She shakes her head. Although uncertainty is still very much in place.

I sigh. "Look Brittany I don't know anything about your experience with depression. I hope you're feeling better now…" She softly nods. I smile in response. "If you want to talk, I'm here. If you don't, then don't. No pressure. But I thought it could be fun to put your mind of whatever made you panic yesterday. Would that be okay?"

She gives me a puzzled look, but after some excruciatingly long seconds she nods her head a few times again. "Okay yeah, that could be nice." She gives me a soft smile, gratitude visible in her eyes.

It takes some will power to not jump ten feet into the air (again, very unlike me). Instead I settle for smiling back. "Okay, then it's settled. You're spending the afternoon with me."

I check my phone to see if Quinn has already done what I asked, which she did. God that girl deserves a medal. I should give her something back, or yeah … hmm I'll think about it, but she deserves something. Too bad she's as stubborn as me, so giving her something she's pleased with and not something she's going to say 'that was absolutely unnecessary', is difficult to find.

Eitherway, that's something for another day. Today I'm going to hang out with Brittany. In my mind this is going to be it. The answer to the question if it's worth my energy and time to invest in this friendship (nope, nothing more, I swear) or not. I can't keep chasing her without getting anything back … though sometimes I get the feeling she is giving me things back, but I don't know … she's difficult to read.

I'm never sure if she wants to get to know me or not. On moments we're together, it's great, even though I still can't read her that well. But still, it seems like she likes my company. However, keep in mind … it takes so much time and effort to keep the conversation flowing after we saw each other. And the initiative always comes from me. There is a line you know? That line for me is normally very extremely short. Yet, for some reason I keep on giving her chances. Something in me tells me she's worth the effort. Odd, right?

Thirty minutes later – in Santana's car

"Can I look Santana?" An insecure voice speaks up. I look towards my right, seeing Brittany is still holding a hand in front of her eyes, just like I asked her to.

"No don't look yet! It's a surprise!" I'm driving right now, so I have to trust her on her word she's not going to take a sneak peek.

"Oh" she hesitates a bit. "Okay, but it's nothing too extreme right? There's not going to be a thousand people all looking at me?"

I laugh "Nope, don't worry, it's nothing like that."

Seeing we've arrived, I quickly put the car in park and order her to wait until I can run towards her side of the car. I grab her hand and position her so she can see the kayaks in her vision. I turn her body around a bit, checking if she'll have a nice view of the lake in front of her at first sight. "… Alright, you can look."

It takes her a second to adjust to the sunlight and see clear, but once she sees the water and the boats she freezes for a second. I can't see directly in her eyes, but a wave of panic rushes over me, and I think it's hers. "Shit. Not a good idea?"

She snaps her head back. "What? Oh no no, it's totally fine! I was just surprised, is all."

"You sure?" I try to read her, but I'm having a difficult time. She's such a tough one at that. If she doesn't want you to see her emotions then you won't. So why do I have a very bad feeling about this idea? Damn Kurt and his idea for a romantic boat ride. When I was having lunch a few days back he was talking about how Blaine took him out here to go kayaking together and they were all lovey dovey about it …

"Sooo…" a gentle voice startles me out of my inner panic.

"Oh right! So you probably already figured we're going on a kayak ride. I've rented us suits and all that, I think the changing room is …." I look around, only by description knowing my way around here. "There! We should probably get going, I've got other stuff planned today."

She hesitates another millisecond before she moves. Once we're in the changing room I quickly start to put down my bag and sweater. I try not to sneak a peek, but my worry takes over. She looks a bit lost and her movements are so … calculated. There's not a fluid bone in her body right now, which is very strange. I've seen her dance and she doesn't have any wooden bones in her body!

"You sure this is okay Brittany?" I hesitantly ask.

She stops her movements and looks over to me. "Yeah, why are you asking?"

"I don't know … you seem a bit panicked?" Getting no body language feedback I try again. "Do you like to kayak?"

She shrugs, shooting me another polite smile. "I mean uh I haven't done it in a long while and uh yeah, it's been a while."

That's not an answer. I drop my stuff and move towards her. She cowers away a little bit. I stop at a decent distance and look in her eyes. "Talk to me Britt, what's going on?"

She snaps. Or maybe snap is the wrong word. If I snap, people run away if they can. The others try to make themselves as invisible as possible. When Brittany snaps, there's still a politeness and kindness to it, though you can see the frustration boiling over. "Nothing is going on. It's such a nice gesture of you to take me on a surprise day, I definitely don't want to ruin anything. You're wonderful. It's very nice of you to plan this thing ahead!"

"But …" I try to keep her talking.

She gives me a fake puzzled look "But what?"

"Britt, there's something off, I can see it. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong San, believe me."

I've had it with her tough exterior. I, still very slow and gentle, put my hand on her leg and she gasps. She gasps, freezes for a second and slumps down on the bench beside her. After another second all her muscles in her leg tense up and it looks like she's physically trying to refrain herself from running away from me.

I let go. "Alright. So you're fine? Why did you react like that?"

"I …" she shrugs. "It's nothing."

"Do you want me to touch you again?" There's a sudden teasing hearable in my tone, but my message is still dead serious.

"Alright, alright. I'm … I'm afraid of water. Especially water that's not see-through … and I've had a not so nice experience with kayaking."

Mentally slapping myself, I try to count to ten to keep me calm. Shit, this was not my intention. "Well then we leave, right now? We don't have to do this B." I'm already starting to gather my stuff, but Brittany hasn't moved yet.

"But you planned this all out… I feel bad if we don't do this."

"I feel bad if you feel this way." I sit down next to her, trying to show her I'm not mad in any way she doesn't like my surprise. "No way we're going on that water right now. I'll figure something out." Still seeing no response I try to approach a lighter way. "Don't make me carry you back to the car. I know you're taller than me, but I've got some muscles. So come on. Get up, I'll quickly talk to someone that we can't kayak anymore, so he won't look for us, and then we'll leave."

When we're walking out of the large dressing room, I take a moment. Brittany still looks slightly panicked, and I'm at a loss of what to do. "I'm sorry Brittany, I was trying to take your mind of yesterday, and now I've got the feeling I've made it worse."

She shrugs my apology away ."No Santana, please don't apologize. This is one of the nicest gesture anyone has ever done in my life. It's just …" she takes a deep breath, trying to calm down her inner turmoil. After three deep breaths she turns towards me, a small corner of her lip creeping up. "It's a true talent from you to literally find an activity that's in my top three fears. There are a thousand other things you could have planned, and it was this one. I mean … that's a talent you know."

A nervous laugh escapes me. "Ha, yeah, that's an awesome talent. Torturing you and challenging you with your biggest fear. Great." I mumble.

She laughs. "No I'm sorry, it was a joke, trying to lighten the mood."

I grin. "Okay. Give me two minutes to talk to the front desk, telling them we're out of here. Meet me at my car? We'll be back on the road in no time."

Despite her trying to keep being polite an declining my offer, there's a clear gratefulness and relief showing in her body language.

Once she's ready to walk back I quickly look for a sort of reception to tell them we're off. Meanwhile I'm shaking my head at this ridiculous situation. Here I am, finally making an effort for a girl, not with the intention to get her in bed, but to genuinely get to know her … and then this happens? What in the world does this mean? This is just ridiculous. Is it not?

…

Fifteen minutes later – back in the car

I glance towards Brittany, still a bit of worry on the edge of my brain. She looks a bit lost too. Gaining her attention, I try to look her in the eyes without losing too much view of the road. It's a quiet road in the middle of nowhere though, so I've got a few more seconds. Once I've gained her attention I clear my throat. "Do you … do you want to talk about what happened to you?"

Calculating my seriousness of my offer she takes a while to answer. "… It's nothing major you know. I mean, I'm sure it happened to a lot of people. But for some reason it shook me to my core." I silently encourage to continue, not daring to interrupt her story.

"I eh, we were on a holiday, my parents, my sister and I. There was like this place where you could rent kayaks and go on a small tour on a river. They said it was for beginners, so we didn't think about it much. I was only twelve or something, so of course me and my sister wanted a boat alone, my parents took one together. And uh …" There's a slight tremble in her voice.

I don't know if I did the right thing, but I gently lay my hand on hers. She looks at it for second and gives me a grateful smile, leaving my hand where it is. "Uh yeah, we weren't very far yet and there was like this very small height difference. Not more than the height of a small chair, so the word waterfall is definitely too big to use…

For some strange reason my boat got stuck in that acceleration and I tumbled, getting myself stuck against a rock right under a, very small, waterfall." She takes a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm. "I was just … I was so afraid to let go, it sounds so ridiculous, but I really thought I was going to sink to the bottom of that river, and I had no clue it was very undeep. Plus I was wearing a life jacket, but in that moment all that was forgotten. I was thinking of those creepy fish that live in the bottom of the ocean and it was unclear water. I was just … I held on to that rock for five minutes, but it felt like hours. And I kept getting water into my face and mouth and everywhere, but I tried to pull myself up, I really tried to fight that water flow, but it was too strong. So at one moment I was exhausted and I couldn't anymore, so I let go."

At that point tears start to flow freely on her face. I quickly grab a handkerchief that was close by in the car, offering it to her. She quietly grabs the paper, giving me a small thanks in response. "What happened then?" I ask gently.

"Then nothing. I came up a few metres after the small height difference and meanwhile my mom swam close by and the rest of the ride, she drove the one person boat and my dad steered me and him in the two persons one." Sensing she wants to say more I wait. "You know … a small part of me wishes my parents listened to me when I said I wanted to get off the water immediately. But they said I better finish the trip, so I wouldn't let fear overtake me. It's like when you have a bad fall from a horse. People advise you to get back on the horse as quick as you can … but this was different. I was so, so afraid something like that was going to happen to one of my family members too … that half hour after … I was so afraid for my family, while I was processing what just happened … the combination of that … it keeps me haunted…"

She starts to squeeze my hand unconsciously, part of my heart warms of it. I'm happy I could give a bit of comfort. Seeing her lost in her story, I don't know how to act. What do you say if someone tells you something like this? I'm sorry? But for what? Or I feel sorry for you? I don't think she wants that kind of pity.

No, I'm going with what my gut is telling me. A few metres before me there's a small picknick place near the road where I quickly park my car. She gives me a questioning look, but I gesture to give me a minute.

Taking a deep breath myself, I start talking before my mind realises it. "A while ago, I think when I was around eight, my parents planned a big walk in a forest …" Her focus snaps to me, and she encourages me to continue, grateful for the change of subject. "And my parents fought a lot, especially during that time … and I've had it, you know? A small child, hearing nothing else then fights at home … it's a lot."

She frowns. "I thought your parents where together?"

I nod. "Yeah they are, but it has been a rough path towards the love they found back for eachother nowadays."

"Sorry, I interrupted you." She apologizes.

I gently squeeze her hand, saying it's okay before I continue again. "So we were walking for some time at that moment, until I had enough and ran away. I didn't exactly thought it through … and I got lost." I sigh, I don't think I ever told this story to anyone, and emotions take over for a moment.

I swallow a big lump in my throat but some tears escape anyway.

It's funny how the roles reverse, because now it's Brittany offering a handkerchief. It makes me smile a little bit. "Thanks … I was alone in that forest for almost an entire night … phones weren't a thing yet, and even if they would have, I was too young to have one … so I had no light, no nothing. Only all those noises I've never heard before … now I never dare to walk into a forest on my own. It's a scarry place. And I know it's so ridiculous, because come on … It's a forest! And it was definitely a kid-friendly forest. Very small, no wild animals. No danger possible… it's so stupid to call it traumatic, but …"

Hearing my discouraging tone, she grabs both my hands and tries to snap me out of my downwarding spiral. "Hey, don't downcast yourself. You know trauma is a stupid word? Two people can experience the same situation, but for one person it could be extremely traumatic, for the other one it's the best day of their life. Trauma seems such a big word and so concrete. But it's not about the situation. It's about how you experienced the situation … So maybe forests aren't scary for lots of people, but that doesn't mean your fear is not allowed to be there."

I gracelessly blow my nose, her words gently sipping into my conscious. "I can say the same to you, you know."

She softly laughs. "Touché."

We keep silent for a few minutes, both trying to get our emotions in check. I almost laugh of the situation taking such a turn. "This is so not how I planned this afternoon to go."

She laughs in response, but keeps quiet. Instead she seems hesitant for a moment, before she makes the bold move of grabbing my hand again. "I'm sorry you had to go through that Santana. Nobody deserves to carry the weight of parents being in a bad relationship…" Suddenly pointing towards a picture of my abuelo that's stuck in the sun visor she speaks up again. "He meant a lot to you didn't he?" She gently asks.

I nod. "Yeah. His name was Victor… he's the reason I found the strength to pursue my career. Without him … I'd probably be still studying in NYU trying to get my career started … my parents where the opposite of everything he did for me. They worked all the time, were too busy fighting with each other to see me and most of all they hated the idea of me wanting to become a singer … when he passed away I felt so lost and so lonely … you know, I actually studies in Julliard for a year before I went to NYU? But after losing my one supporting family member … I became numb to the world."

"What about your Abuela?" she gently asks.

I shrug. "It was never the same. She lost a big part of herself and she started to support my parents about my career."

"So how did you decide to start singing anyway? I know Quinn launched your first song, but you could've fought it if you wanted to, right? Something in her felt like she could do that?"

A small flicker of … something turns in my stomach. She's so observant and caring. How she remembered such a small detail … incredible. I give her a grateful smile. "It was a letter from him… My Abuela sent me a letter when I was in my second year in NYU. She wrote that she found it in his desk … she didn't clean his workspace until then … didn't found the courage to go through his stuff… Reading his letter … That was the evening I wrote lost memories. And Quinn found out about it a week later."

A small nostalgic euphoric feeling takes place in my mind, remembering what I felt to have one last connection back to my abuelo. That night was lifechanging. I didn't know those things can happen in real life.

Brittany let the words sink in, falling down into the seat a bit more deeply. "Wow. That's one heck of a way to write a song. No wonder it feels so … authentic!" There's awe in her voice, more pure then I'm used to hear in most fans their voices.

"Thanks." I clear my throat, feeling it's time to change the subject again. "So what about you? How do you feel? Do you want to talk about yesterday?" I let the door open for her, she can definitely start about another subject, but I'm open to everything. She can decide.

She sighs. "I don't know Santana. There's not that much to say. I've had a rough time at school. Being called stupid a lot, which I know I am not, but when I'm panicking I say stupid stuff. It takes the attention of yourself you know?" I nod in affirmation. "I have this energy leak of trying to function in this world, but every time I try to do something out of my house, it takes so much of me … and I try to not let it define me. I don't care about labels or my mental health struggles. I just need to find a way to function in this world without it asking such a big toll on myself… so some time ago I thought maybe antidepressants could help … but they didn't. Some people have great effects from them … others not. Turns out I was in the second boat."

Looking out the window for a second, she quickly shrugs her untold memories away. "So anyway. That's probably why I looked so distant when I saw you a few months ago. And for not answering your texts … that's just me, I'm sorry. I'm really not a social media kind of person and I don't know … you're one heck of a person Santana … I don't know what you think of me, I don't know why you want to talk to m-"

"Hey!" I interrupt her. "What are you talking about? You're a wonderful person, I thought we already went through this. I'm just not that touchy-feely talking person either I guess …"

"You're not?" She's questions, full on sarcasm flowing through her voice, an amused eyebrow raising up.

I grin. "I'm not. I am however, very forward."

Slowly leaning over, I give her time to lean back, but she doesn't. Which makes it a cue I can do this. I softly put my hand on her left cheek, guiding our lips together for contact.

There's a slightly salty taste when I think about it, probably from the tears that spilled just a few minutes ago, but I don't care.

We're both not full on jumping into the kiss, our minds both probably still a bit milling around with our pasts. Doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it.

I've never felt such soft lips before and there's also a slight taste of .. vanilla? I don't know, must be her lipstick. It's quite overwhelming. My senses are still on high alert from the adrenaline of telling such a personal story only five minutes ago. My empathy is still crying for the suffering Brittany is going through and has been struggling with. And my heart is fluttering.

Literally fluttering. The suspense of this kiss … how long ago did I first make eye contact with this woman? How long ago did a part of me long for her lips on mine? I can't quite remember right now. The movement of her lips, the sound of our breathing almost too loud to keep our concentration on each other. Her soft fingers gently stroking my hair making me feel like the most fragile and important creature in her life … it's all very overwhelming.

In a good way.

Before I can realise it fully, we're both back in our own seats. Catching our breath. Timid smiles get exchanged and no words have to be spoken for a while.

When we're both over the fact that we just kissed each other, communication begins easily again. It's like we've just continued our conversation outside of Luke's corner a few months ago.

It just flows so smoothly. I don't have to think once what subject I'm going to talk about next. It's marvellous… But to all good things come an end, and suddenly this ending is the alarm of my phone going off.

"Shit" I curse out of shock, not expecting the sudden sharp sound in the car. "I forgot I put an alarm." I try to take my phone, which of course makes it fall between our car seats.

"Hah, you're a bit clumsy aren't you?" Brittany teases.

"I am so not." I stubbornly hush, while I'm blindly trying to find my phone between the car seats. "… aha, found it." I triumphantly say.

"What was the alarm for anyway?"

"It is for .. uh …" I pause for a moment, hesitant whether to keep this a surprise or not. "… I made reservations for us to eat somewhere I like."

Her brows shoot up. "Oh wow, Santana, all of this … you really shouldn't have bothered. It's very nice, but unnecessary."

"No it isn't. Come on, no discussion." I raise a finger because a protest is already forming in her mind. "I might let you pay for dessert. But that's the furthest I'll go. Deal?"

She huffs and crosses her arms in a childish, yet also teasing way. "Fine. You win… this evening."

That makes something stir in my stomach. Does that mean she'll want to see me again? Is that … hope I'm feeling?

Ugh. I feel like a hormonal teenager since I've kissed her. This is just ridiculous.

…

Fifteen minute care ride later – entrance of a chic restaurant

"Oh my god Santana, this place is way too fancy!"

"Nonsense." … okay maybe that is a lie.

There's literally a chandelier hanging in the entry way and a butler here to park my car … plus another one to show us our table.

All the waiters and waitresses are in costume (what if they spill something, I wouldn't want to pay the bill for that dry-cleaning?). Every table is perfectly decorated with fake flowers and candles. Not cheap, but clean and elegant.

Once seated I notice the cutlery looks very expensive too and is extra shiny for some reason. And for a finishing touch … the napkins are folded in a neat figurine, though … "I like your flower figurine more Brittany."

A small blush creeps up her cheeks. "Thanks." She mumbles.

Once the waiter has brought us our menus, we silently read over the options. There's a small frown on Britt's face. "Everything okay?"

She looks up, hesitant to answer. "Huh. Yeah." I'm not responding, silently asking her to continue to say whatever's on her mind. "It's just … you really don't have to impress me like this Santana … it's unnecessary to go to a fancy place just because you can."

I protest. "But I wanted too. And it's not that fancy."

"The prices here are triple of what I normally pay!" She argues.

I huff. "Okay. Fine. It's fancy. But it's not like I go here every day you know … eating here once every few times is not that strange to do." I state.

She nods, putting her menu down in the process to show me she doesn't want to argue. "I know Santana, you can definitely eat here if you want. There's just … I can't equally treat you for something like this, I have a job … but I've been out for a few months and I don't want to be in dept to you."

I grab her hand. "I'm not expecting you to do that Britt. It's not because this is my lifestyle, that it needs to be yours too. I just wanted us to eat somewhere nice. I'll pay, no discussion. And there's no need to invite me back to something just as fancy. It's my choice to come here. I invited you, but I understand you can't spend all your spare money to stuff like this." She timidly nods, and I squeeze her hand, trying to show her my honesty.

I think we've got that sorted out. For now. But I see there's something else on her mind. she mindlessly plays with my finger before she speaks up. "Also .. it's just … is this a date?" I freeze, not sure what to answer.

Brittany, the nice person that she is, sees my hesitation and changes the subject, giving me a way out. "… And if so, you should maybe know I'm a terrible eater. The more fancy, the more chance I won't like it…"

I jump on the subject change, lost of how to answer the first part. "Are you serious? Shit. I think the plates here are the most fancy looking I've ever seen in my life."

A slight terror crosses her face and I laugh. "Okay. Wait. Let me help you pick out a dish. I'm sure there's something in here you'll like." I quickly scan the menu, looking for something that doesn't sound too extravagant.

"What about the salmon dipped in a spicy sauce?" she shakes her head. Hmm, I look further, trying to translate the French vocabulary out of the descriptions. "The beef with asperges?" No again. "Oh, what about the shrimps?"

A curious glimmer appears in her eyes. I don't know what she's thinking, but a subtle change in her demeaner alarms me a bit, like she's surprised I suggested something as … wait. A memory comes back to surface... Quinn had a conversation with her about Sam, where she was looking for a way to ask him out on a date and Brittany had like this weird suggestion about the meaning of food … there was this dish she always orders when she's on a date with someone. It's like a secret language to know you're on a date… was that shrimp? I think so.

Uh. Stupid brain. It's too late to take back the suggestion isn't it. Though … do I want to take the impression of this being a date back? I don't know. Maybe it's okay if she's interpreting this as … something.

"All right ladies, what will you have?" Just at that moment the waiter is here to ask for our orders. Once I've said mine, I'm very curious to see what she will order…

"I'll have the shrimps and a water, please." When she says that, she looks over to me, trying to read my reaction. I softly smile in return… I think I'm okay with her choice.

Once back alone I decide to not speak about it. "No apple juice tonight?" I question.

"Nah. I want to see what kind of water they'll serve. I'm pretty sure they won't use tap water."

I nod. "Yeah, I don't think they will." Grabbing my napkin, I try to give it to her. "Can you show me how you can make a flower out of this thing?" I want to learn how to do it, it's a cool skill to have.

"Sure. Here, I'll do it with you." She eagerly explains.

…

Once we've eaten the main course (she liked it!), we consider ordering a dessert. We're both having a great time and I don't want the evening to end yet.

"What about a dame blanche? That sounds nice." She suggests.

I look up, a bit surprised. "Isn't that too much chocolate for you?" I tease.

She clicks her tongue in fake annoyance. "No, not at all. There is never too much chocolate sauce on ice cream. In fact, most of the times they serve too little."

"Hmm, okay. I don't understand your logic how moelleux have too much chocolate, yet a dame blanche doesn't. But I'll follow your suggestion." I raise my arm, trying to gain the waiter's attention.

…

Thirty minutes later – front porch Santana's apartment

"So …" I kick a cigarette a few feet further, just to have something to do.

"So?" She questions. Allright. No feedback. Message received.

I turn around, fully gazing my attention towards her. "Would you like to come upstairs? Have a nightcap or something?" Hah, smooth Santana. Real smooth.

"Uh, is it okay if I go home? I'm really tired to be honest. Yesterday was a bit of a rollercoaster, and today … was super fun, but a lot …" she tries to read my reaction, but she doesn't need to be afraid, I understand where she's coming from. And maybe it's for the best to not take this too far too quickly.

"Okay, yes, of course that is okay." I open my purse, looking for my keys, before a sudden urge comes to the surface. "Can I give you a goodnight kiss?" What in the world … since when do I ask to kiss someone? Am I being pathetic?

Maybe I'm making this a too big of deal, because Brittany looks positively surprised by my suggestion. Instead of answering, she approaches me, giving me the most gentle kiss ever, before she bids goodnight and leaves.

I can't seem to take my eyes of her. It's only when she's a faraway dot in the dark, I can put my mind on a different task again. Wow. Why in the world is she so convinced she can't flirt?

… I'm doomed, aren't I?

Hello everyone! I won't make an end note in the next and final chapter, so I wanted to say thank you one more time. Thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows, they're so great to receive, it trully makes my day :).

Only one more chapter to go. I hope you've enjoyed the story so far, and I hope I'll be able to give you an ending you'll like.

I hope you're doing well and have a great week :)!