The first time Yuki suspected herself of selfish behavior was on the remote island trip in July. Mikuru appeared to be having a miserable time, but Yuki's sympathy was challenged by small things she and only she could appreciate each time a problem arose. When Mikuru lost her balance on the boat, Yuki got to catch her. When Haruhi told Mikuru she'd probably be the first murder victim, she clung to Yuki for safety. And when Mikuru fainted due to the Brigade seeming to have an actual murder on their hands, Yuki got to be alone with her in a peaceful room, away from the commotion.

Yuki had read at least one romance story where the male lead took his partner to see a horror film in hopes that the fear would make her feel more vulnerable and turn to him for comfort. Such behavior struck Yuki as manipulative, but now she seemed to gain a new understanding of it, even if she still didn't feel entirely sure she was in the right. It didn't help that this current situation wasn't quite the same, since Mikuru was unconscious. Hopefully, she'd wake up soon. That would surely make things less awkward.

It was very rare indeed for an awkward situation to bother Yuki. A few of them back at North High resulted in gossipy students labeling her 'a creep', which did sting more than she would have expected it to, but still didn't really get to her. She'd also heard quite a few people use the term to describe people who behaved a certain way towards Mikuru, which surprisingly enough included her best friends. The thought of being called a creep in that context worried Yuki more.

It was also rare for Yuki's train of thought to wander like this. At least, she thought it was. It had been just over a week since she concluded a three year period of knowing exactly what was going to happen and never learning anything new, so that was taking some getting used to. She eventually got back on track by reminding herself she didn't have to worry about being judged here. It was just her and her friends. Friends that had specifically instructed her to look after Mikuru.

Come to think of it, the specific instructions were to not open the door for anyone. Exceptions could be inferred, but if Yuki didn't, they probably wouldn't hold it against her. At worst, they'd probably see it as a bad attempt at a joke. Itsuki was the first of them to try and get in, and while Yuki's refusal confused him, he seemed to take it in stride. Haruhi was naturally more insistent, but for once Yuki wanted to try matching her stubbornness. This was basically a vacation, couldn't Yuki have a little fun?

It wasn't until Kyon spoke up that Yuki was harshly reminded how serious the situation was for them. Itsuki was much more lenient, but that was only because he knew the truth about the mystery, and could tell Yuki knew as well. The others were still convinced somebody had actually died. Once they were inside, Yuki had a great deal of trouble reading Kyon's expression, but the thought that she might have let him down was an unfamiliar and unpleasant one. But the worst was yet to come.

"That was so mean!"

Mikuru was speaking to Itsuki and his associates when she said that, but Yuki felt it hit her all the same. As quick as she was to forgive afterward, it was still the angriest anyone had ever seen her. Yuki was already bothered by the fact that Mikuru seemed to be afraid of her, but this was so much worse. If she'd awoken sooner, would Yuki have told her the truth? They both knew how loose-lipped Mikuru could often be. How might Haruhi or even Itsuki have responded if things were spoiled too soon?

Before all this, the idea of growing more human over time was an appealing one to Yuki, largely thanks to books like Pinocchio, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, and the novelization of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. But realizing it could make her do selfish things like this gave her second thoughts.

Making things worse was the fact that her knowledge of the future wasn't exhausted just yet. When Kyon visited her a second time three years ago, he gave her a summary of what would happen up to December after her synchronization ended. The bookmark he gave her offered a crucial piece of information he was missing, but at the time she was relieved it wasn't everything again. The most troubling omission was easily the fact that she didn't understand why she was going to do what she'd do.

Today, she felt a step closer to understanding: It was because she was capable of being selfish. But she also felt she'd taken another step in the opposite direction: Why would she, after how it left her feeling this time?

It was four months later, but for Yuki it had been over 594 years. That was one of the things Kyon had told her in advance about, but he didn't say just how long it would be. It would have been nice to reach a specific iteration and know it was the one where they finally broke free, but she couldn't blame him for not memorizing the numbers. He was only human.

If anything, the iterations where they never even realized what was going on were slightly better in her opinion. Yes, the long waits were still painful, but whenever Mikuru learned the hard way she couldn't return to her own time, hearing her distress and being unable to offer any kind of help was absolute torment.

But that was all over now. Summer came to an end, despite its weather sticking around for longer than one could reasonably expect, and Haruhi was directing a movie starring Yuki and Mikuru. One that was about to take quite an interesting turn, it would seem, because Haruhi had just decided Mikuru was capable of shooting beams from her eyes.

Of course, this had also been part of Kyon's recap three years ago, and he wouldn't have bothered to mention it unless anything out of the ordinary happened. Haruhi's decisions weren't just affecting the movie, and ludicrous events normally kept at bay by her common sense would soon have free rein. Yuki had been keeping her eye out for the first sign of such a thing, and this appeared to be it.

But there were a few false starts. Mikuru took a few tries to fire the beam exactly how Haruhi wanted her to, and while Yuki had no frame of reference for what doing it correctly would look or sound like, she kept her guard up and awaited the…

…that wasn't a beam. A "beam" would have been more like a particle projection cannon. This was concentrated light.

Yuki wasn't expecting to have to move faster than light, but now she had to in order to ensure Kyon had a chance of surviving this. The risk of Haruhi seeing her do something impossible meant choosing between one worst-case scenario and another, but knowing Kyon had to survive as far as December made it easier than it seemed. As a bonus, she also got to save the camera in the process.

"What? Yuki, when did you get over there?"

That settled that. Haruhi did indeed bear witness to something that hadn't made sense, but thankfully she decided it did make sense and she was just missing a detail or two that would explain how. Sometimes, problems were resolved too neatly.

Speaking of which, Mikuru hadn't gotten any less dangerous. Just by blinking, she risked killing Kyon a second time, and Yuki's hand once again got in the way. But then Mikuru turned her head, with a trail of carnage indicating precisely where she was looking, and Yuki realized she'd have to tackle the problem at its root.

Thankfully, she'd had plenty of time to work out that the root in question was the contact lens. Getting rid of it without Haruhi suspecting anything would have been child's play. Yuki could stay right where she was as she made it detach from Mikuru's eye and then let it dissolve to ensure it couldn't be found again. The naked (human) eye wouldn't notice anything amiss.

Having decided her course of action, Yuki got to work and… leapt towards Mikuru? And then tackled her to the ground? Why was she doing this? When she asked herself, the answer came from a part of herself she'd come to loathe: the part that still insisted on dwelling on that Endless Summer, and kept her from truly escaping it. This time, it presented her with images of Mikuru in every swimsuit she owned, implying something Yuki was desperate to object to.

You're doing this because you love her. You've loved her for so long, but she's so far out of your reach and you can't take it any more.

It wasn't the idea that she was in love that Yuki wanted to object to. That had already been established during the three years her mind was unchanging, sadly robbing her of the gradual realization that so many romance novels had made such a big moment out of. No, her objection was to the idea that that love would make her do this.

She did love Mikuru. But why would it manifest like this?

Mikuru had been staying at Tsuruya's place for a few days now. Soon, the other Mikuru on this time plane would be sent a week back, and things would go back to normal for the one currently calling herself…

"Michiru?"

Mikuru looked through the darkness of her bedroom at where Tsuruya's voice had come from. It wasn't as easy to identify as it normally would have been, because for some reason she sounded very serious, and very nervous.

"...yes?" Mikuru said.

"If you ever get to meet your sister… and I hope you do… can you tell her something for me?"

"What is it?" Mikuru said.

"I want you to tell her…" Tsuruya sighed. "...tell her I'm sorry."

"For what?" Mikuru's confusion was just as genuine as it would have been if she actually was a long lost sister oblivious to the history between these two friends.

"Last year, Haruhi was making a movie," Tsuruya said. "Mikuru and I were both in it, and I kind of got carried away? I mean, most people did, but I really felt like I should have been better."

Mikuru reluctantly thought back to the production, but it still wasn't clear to her what Tsuruya in particular might have been apologizing for. "What sort of things did you do?"

"Well for one thing," Tsuruya said, "I threw her into a pond. I wasn't the only one, but still. Later I, uh…" Neither of them were used to her hesitating this much. "...man. For some reason it feels like a cop's gonna burst in if I finish this. 'I knew it! You're coming with me, little missy!' Something like that?" She tried to break the tension with a small chuckle.

Mikuru was surprised to be drawing a blank as to what this could be. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"It was," Tsuruya said. "I… I tricked her into drinking. By which I mean, hard drinking. I'm not sure if she ever figured it out, but Kyon did, and he wasn't happy. For some reason though, he only got mad at Haruhi. And honestly, that only made it feel worse. Realizing I got away with it wasn't at all pleasant."

"But a lot of people would be glad they got away with it," Mikuru said. "The fact that you're not one of them makes it a lot easier to forgive. And, uh… I think my sister would feel that way too."

"Thanks," Tsuruya said. "Of course, it'd still help if I could explain why I did it."

"Is it really that hard?" Mikuru said, hoping the question wouldn't seem sarcastic or passive aggressive.

"Sorta," Tsuruya said. "The way it is in my head now, it sounds super roundabout and excusey, but it's the best I've got. Basically, Haruhi's one of those directors that can make you feel like you're really there, and whatever she wants to happen is really happening. And that'd be fine in some kind of good-time all-fine movie, but this was more of an underdog story. So many of us were convinced Mikuru had to go through hell so it would be that much more satisfying when she finally succeeded."

"I see…" Mikuru thought back to a certain incident during production that Tsuruya hadn't been present for. One that she wondered about a lot, especially whenever she seemed to learn something new about what Yuki was or wasn't capable of.

"...I see."

Author's note: I know, I know, "concentrated light" should for all intents and purposes be a beam. But I'm going by the novel's official translation, where Kyon says "was Asahina seriously firing beams from her eyes?" and Yuki responds "not a particle projection cannon. Concentrated light." My best guess is it's a flawed translation, but I'm not sure where to look for something more accurate, and the resulting pressure it suddenly put on Yuki worked too well for what I was going for.

This chapter was originally supposed to return to the present where the last one left off, but I didn't think much of where Yuki and Mikuru's conversation ended up going. I feel like it would have just made people tired of conversations about selfishness if they weren't already.