Chapter 2: the funeral
It's awful. Enishi's dead. Nozomu was required by blood to attend his funeral, it was only right. For some reason, Nozomu had more stress accumulating as a result of having to show up than as a result of his oldest brother (who is Enishi from Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei) dying (Texting and Driving). In Nozomu's opinion, Enishi had it coming– only for the fact that he gave birth to what could, in theory, be considered the antichrist. It was true! Enishi had a uterus with ovaries. Mikoto had one too. Shout out all my transgenders! Love you guys but not Caitlyn Jenner, she hit that bitch with her car. Anyway, now that Enishi is dead, Nozomu would also have to take care of the kindershit, Majiru. Last time Nozomu babysat, it was for like 7 years and also Majiru would pee in a drawer and it fucking stank. Majiru has a smile. The funeral would be held on a Tuesday. It made no sense as most people are busy on Tuesdays. This guy beat minecraft on a Tuesday. Suddenly, Baba tweeted.
"hey guys! i will be lonely this tuesday come play with me and NOT my bits"
Even though, after seeing a photo of Barbie, Nozomu wanted to play with his bits, he would call Barbie. But wait! Nozomu remembered that Enishi's funeral is also on a Tuesday. He hoped that it surely wouldn't be this Tuesday! He called Mikoto to make sure. Ring!
"Ni hao fine shyts," Mikoto said. Nozomu got really confused, like really confused. In spite of semi-common belief, he and his brothers were not incestuous. "WOAH! You're not Davis,"
"Who the Fuck is Davis," Nozomu asked earnestly. He didn't need another white bitch in Mikoto's life, not after The Incident (Mikoto likes big white cock).
"Don't worry about that, what did you want?" Mikoto asked. He seemed embarrassed.
"When is Enishi's funeral?" Nozomu asked.
"You forgot the date of Enishi's funeral? Your own brother? The older one? From Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei? By Akria Toriyama?"
"No, the one by Kouji Kumeta."
"Ohh… Yeah. His funeral is this Tuesday," said Mikoto, "Oh yes, Glenn! Give me that colonizer cock!"
"Giggity!"
This was the last time Nozomu would call Mikoto at 4pm. Now, Nozomu had a real dilemma on his hands. He could either call Barbie or attend his brother, Enishi's funeral. This was a really tough decision for the likes of Nozomu. It would be disrespectful not to attend the funeral, but also, funerals are boring. (A/N, I've never been to a funeral, all my people are alive.) He set a poll on priv to let his oomfs decide on the matter.
hitounami: i think you should respect your brother and family and go to the funeral
ukebootyhole: call oomf
harmfulyaoi: yaoi on the phone!
Nozomu was completely torn by the situation. He could always call oomf, though his brother's funeral is only once. Baba then tweeted, puzzling him further. Pony confused him sometimes.
harmfulyaoi: on that call this tuesday… something epic will happen.. truly a once in a lifetime call
Dude… this was crazy. Now both Enishi's funeral AND calling oomf were both one time events. Even worse, the poll was completely tied! Nozomu got a nozomification. It was Barbie?!
harmfulyaoi: what. go to the funeral. why are you asking twitter. go to bed nozomu
Barbie was right, but there was something that Nozomu (from Itoshiki) could not ignore… While scrolling down the timeline, he saw that Barbie had gotten a gimmick on strawpage! It was an anonymous user saying that Barbie was their croomf. Croomf? What did that mean? One DM to capatalismwins confirmed what it meant. Croomf meant an oomf that one has a crush on. No way! Someone has a crush on Barbie? That was crazy talk! What if that person was on call with Barbie on Tuesday? What if that person also beat minecraft on a Tuesday? Something was up and Nozomu had fear in his heart, but he couldn't pinpoint why. He and Barbie had only been mutuals for a month, but Nozomu was strangely defensive over pony. Nozomu straightened up and told his family that he would attend the funeral.
What happens next will SHOCK YOU. Remember to LIKE and SUBSCRIBE.