AN: Wow, this job is...Not doing me any favors. Or maybe it is? I don't know...I've written maybe one-thousand words total since last weekend. ...Food might help, right? Right, that's what I thought. Maybe that's the problem.

Nutrition Paste scientists, where you at?!

...Crickets don't help.

Maybe I should start a Ko-Fi? ...Hm, maybe.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

Wildcat

(Then: Lust, Asmodeus Alley)

For once, it wasn't the usual soft click and attempted whispers of the nightly visitors the older Hound brought back that woke him. No, this time it was an unrelenting series of angry bangs. With it came the holler of an enraged, questionably sober Banshee. Which was weird, because last he checked, those 'spirits' – aka, Demons too weak to actually hold territory in Hell – remained up Top. Smug fuckers thought they were hot shit when they cornered him during a training excursion in a bog on Earth.

"Assholes." The fourteen-year-old, orange coated Hellhound grumbled as he rolled over in his cot and pulled a pillow over his head to dampen the sound of aggression that assaulted the shack's front door.

"Jiraiya! Get your mangy ass out here!"

Dammit, so much for going back to sleep. Must be another 'jilted' Succubus whore that got wined and dined for a one night stand. He'd met too many of his grandfather's nightly flings already, both before and after they had their activities. What was one more self-righteous, self-loathing Hellhound-cock addicted bitch?

Resigned to being awake after a Hellish half year spent up on Earth playing a glorified, and at times gory, game of Assassin, the young Hellhound forced himself up from the cot his grandfather oh so graciously bequeathed unto him. He trudged out to the entryway and undid the series of locks the paranoid, perverted old Toad had installed on his shithole's front door before he pulled it open and came face to breast with the Succubus making a ruckus at...Eleven in the morning? Ugh, some demons just don't understand the appeal of Sloth this early.

Granted, he wasn't opposed to the generous cleavage all but thrust in his face, but it wasn't like this bitch had much else going for her. Well, she had nice hips, but nothing to write home about and the breasts were perky and full, so she was topped off. Above the gia-normous bosom was a pair of hazel eyes that stared down at him, a small diamond centered between them and two nubs of horns that poked out of the honey blonde hair she had coming out of her skull. If he had to rate the Succubus, he'd give her a solid seven out of ten: She looked pretty, sure, but she smelled old. It wasn't like she had 'old person' smell, but 'I have seen shit you couldn't fathom in your lifetime' wafted off of her. That, and she smelt like some kind of sterilizing agent used in Sloth.

"Are you supposed to be some kind of medical bill collector? Because normally the 'Sexy Nurse' shows up dressed for the occasion," he said dryly. The Succubus continued to stare at him before she managed to find her voice.

"...What the fuck–? Did that motherfucker have another goddamn puppy and not tell me, again?!"

"Given your shitty attitude so fucking early, are you surprised?" He grumbled. She glared at him and he glared right back. "Bitch, you woke me up! I've barely slept in six months!"

"Really?" Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed, almost as if she was in thought. Much like his own species, the Succubus cocked her head as if she were curious. Or looking down on him. "Just how old are you, twelve?"

"Fuckin–!" He curled his lip and growled. He thrust a finger in her face. "Listen here, you old fuckin hag–!"

Words were lost as her fist collided with the top of his skull and he bit through his tongue. While he fought back the pained whimpers and clutched his bleeding mouth to let his tongue heal, the big boobed bitch wrapped her arm around his neck and tightened it.

"Let's get one fucking thing straight, you rude, inbred little shit!" She hissed into his ear. "I could kill you with a flick of my finger, and no one, not even that perverted bastard that sired you, would bat a fucking eye! So if you want to continue breathing even after insulting me, you'll tell me where that bastard Jiraiya is."

"Fhuck yhou!" He growled as best he could, while being suffocated and bleeding heavily from the mouth.

"You've got a fucking mouth on you." The Succubus sneered and then tightened her arm's lock around his neck. Air became an immediate concern and the whines he had tried to fight back started to slip out. "Better looking demons than you have tried, Brat! So fucking talk!"

"Tsunade!" The bark had both demons look outside to find the very Hellhound coming up the path with a fire in his eyes. In one arm was a bag of groceries and the other was occupied with a quivering Baphomet with short dark hair. "Let the brat go now, or I'll break little Shizune's neck."

"Congrats, Brat. You just lucked out with five more minutes of life." The Succubus, Tsunade, hissed into Naruto's ear before she all but threw him to the ground. Jiraiya's captive, Shizune, was likewise tossed to the side and his grocery bag was set down carefully, so that they wouldn't topple over. The busty Succubus put her clawed hands on her hips and her tail lashed as she stared down the white Hellhound. "How the fuck did you keep another puppy a secret for twelve years?! You bribe Roach to scrub data again?"

"Same way I found out Dan was cheating on you and that he'd had that little bitch." Jiraiya smirked as he bared his claws. "I stuck my nose in the right slut's ass."

"Motherfucker, I will boil your testicles before I break them in front of you!"

"Bring it, Flat-Chest!"

Despite wheezing and gasping for air, Naruto bore witness to one of the simultaneously coolest and grossest fucking things he'd ever seen and will ever see in his life: his Grandfather flirting with his father's Hell-Mother, and her flirting back.

(Now: Gluttony, Business Boulevard, Wild Things Facilitated Medical Floor)

Naruto sat with a half-empty bottle of Beelzejuice in his claws and a small smile on his face as he watched his puppy yammer to her comatose grandfather. As she did so, she stuffed her face with the bag of Levi's Licorice Lice Lickers, and all other sorts of treats imported from across Hell that were gathered around her in her seat. Amidst her egregious snacking, his Pickle was telling the unconscious white Hellhound all about her sixth birthday party that he'd missed and the gifts she'd gotten, as well as the few that she hadn't.

"And then you'll never guess who showed up, Grump! It was–!" Himawari took a second to swallow another handful of Levi's Licorice Lice Lickers when her ears perked up and she gasped as her eyes focused on the door. She shot to her feet and her tail started to wag in a blur. "Miss Loona!"

Cheeks bulged and full of beer, Naruto arched a brow, he was pretty sure the pup had already brought up Loona's arrival – so much fanfare and a few 'subtle' hints were dropped his way about another birthday wish that didn't come true; he was working on it, Pickle! You can't rush these things – before he followed her gaze and gave a harsh swallow to the last of the alcohol in his mouth. His ears perked and his tail wagged as the door slid open and Nairod let his girlfriend in. She gave him a smile as he stood before her eyes darted to the pup and she pointedly licked her chops. On the spot, Himawari growled and pulled her treats closer to herself, going full feral Hellpuppy. He snorted and quickly put himself between the two before his little girl started a fight he would not save her from losing...unless it went too far, that is.

"Happy Sinsmas, Loo." Naruto rumbled as he engulfed his cute girlfriend in a hug that she readily returned. His lips pressed into hers for a quick kiss before he pulled back to smile down at her. "What brings you down here? I thought you'd be celebrating with your da–er, Blitzø?"

The hasty correction was made after her ears flicked back and her eyes narrowed at him challengingly. Yeesh, they must've just had a fight or something, lately Loona only got this aggravated about Blitzø's relation to her after the little Imp did something asinine or stupid. The last thing Naruto had heard about where that occurred was the whole Hellbies shot incident, where Blitzø took it upon himself to help the Baphomet physician administer the shot. That Imp was many things, but among them was some weird mix of Brave and Stupid that were not balanced properly.

"Are you suggesting that I'm not supposed to want to spend Sinsmas with my boyfriend and puppy?" Loona asked, a hint of warning in her slight growl. Naruto almost called her out on it right then and there before he caught himself. If Loona had meant to phrase it that way, then maybe Pickle's 'Birthday Wish was going to come true. Maybe. There was always the chance she'd just misspoken.

Instead he gave her another smile and pushed his lips against hers to stop the growl. When he pulled back, he cupped her cheek in his hand. His claw brushed along the shorter grey fur along the ridges of her eyes, notably just shy of her makeup, and smoothed it down from where it bristled.

"No, Loo, I'm just...happily surprised. That's all." He murmured as he pulled her into another hug and his tail wagged a bit when she hugged him back. He hummed and tilted his head slightly as his eyes squinted. "Something's wrong..."

Naruto glanced over at his puppy when she started to whine and snorted, he'd found what he thought to be the source of that 'wrong' feeling. Himawari clearly, and so very desperately, wanted to give Loona one of her patented Pickle Missile Hugs, but she didn't want to leave her stash of snacks unguarded. The two conflicting feelings were causing her to let out the most black heart wrenching whines he'd ever heard, and they were followed by a very, very upset bark. Giving his puppy a break, he slipped away from Loona and plucked his Pickle out of her throne of treats before he twisted back and enveloped them both in a big hug.

"There we are." Naruto chuckled as his puppy clung to his girlfriend and the latter gave a brief growl of surprise before she relaxed into it. The happy Hellhound hug broke up two seconds later when a loud, but muffled boom shook the foundation. He curled his lip and tucked the two smaller Hounds beneath him instinctively; he was fucking sick and tired of flinching whenever a building he was in made a sound like it took damage. He was especially sick of hearing his Puppy burst into frightened whimpers.

When nothing further followed, Naruto stepped away and locked eyes with Loona. She nodded at him before she quickly readjusted her hold on the puppy in her arms to nuzzle her out of the whining fit she'd fallen into.

"Hey, it's okay, Squirt." She mumbled while her muzzle rubbed against the pup's head. "We're okay, don't think about it. Hey, why don't you tell me what'cha got to snack on for Sinsmas?"

"It's mine!"

"Pickle," Naruto growled with a hint of warning as he looked at his phone. Gluttony was celebrated by overindulging on snacks and drinks, and Greed focused on hoarding goods for oneself. HellPuppies often mixed the two, due to instincts passed down from their progenitor, and normally it fell upon a Pack or Parents to break the Puppy of that behavior. Given the past few months, Naruto had thought he could let his pup be a little selfish, but if she was going to pick a fight while scared, he'd have to reevaluate that decision.

"I've got this, babe, you just figure out what that quake was," Loona said as she walked Himawari back to her seat and picked up the box of Kanine Krunchies. Himawari started to growl and Loona growled back. "Don't fuck with me, Heema. I'll win. And it will hurt."

"But those are–!"

"One box of snacks that I can get more of." Loona growled again before she ripped off the top and started pouring back the goods into her mouth. Himawari whined and looked at him pleadingly. Naruto hesitated before he sighed and steeled himself. He looked back at the footage on his phone as he walked to the door and ruffled his pup's hair as he went by.

"You've gotta share your goods with others, Pickle. Tis the season."

"But Daddy–!"

"Do not whine at me." Naruto growled at her, a claw pressed into her nose. Himawari whimpered and pouted. A curled knuckle knocked her on the snout and his muzzle crinkled with a snarl he had to force just a bit. "What have I fucking told you about making those damn faces at me?"

"Not to." Himawari grumbled as she rubbed her nose. "But it's not fair! I haven't had any Krunchies yet!"

"Then open up, Squirt." Loona grunted as she set the box down and jammed a hand in. A fistful of snacks were shoved into Himawari's mouth and the puppy let out a surprised growl of her own. While the puppy struggled to get the sizable portion in her mouth chewed down to a manageable swallow, Loona looked at him with a very sexy smirk that he really wanted to act on. "Like I said, babe, I got this."

"Alright, but...Let me know if she tries anything. I have to go and stop Pris from getting herself killed by my short-tempered 'grandmother'." Naruto rolled his eyes, since he'd found the cause of the foundation shaking in the security footage. He should've fucking known that Tsunade would show up once Jiraiya returned half-deaf while searching out Orochimaru. For all the three claimed to hate each other, their bonds were the tightest of any mercenary group or would-be gang he had ever seen in his life.

Given that the Succubus he spoke of made up one of the 'Unholy Trinity', he wouldn't be surprised if they had that kind of history as well.

Himawari's eyes got wide and, though she put a lot of effort into her next swallow, she still had enough residual Krunchies in her mouth to spray them around the room.

"Nana Na-day's here?!"

"...Yes!" Naruto guffawed as he snagged his pup from his girlfriend's arms and ignored the growl she gave him for doing so. He pushed his nose against Himawari's and smiled evilly as she continued chewing. "Call her that to her face, Pickle. It will make Daddy's day."

"The fuck am I doing here if you're interested in some old bitch?" Loona grumbled.

Weird, she sounded...jilted? He glanced at her and took note of the narrowed glare, flared nostrils, upright ears and curled tail. Yep, she was jilted–Wait a minute, what did she-?! ..Ew! No!

"Ugh, gross, Loo. Don't even joke about that." Naruto grimaced while he let his puppy hop down and scramble back to her snack seat. He slipped his arms over his girlfriend's shoulders and took a handful of the fine perky rump she had, before he pulled her flush against him. His dark muzzle pressed into her cheek and he nuzzled his way up to her pierced ear, where he murmured: "Besides, you're the only one I'd want to celebrate my appreciation of Lust with."

"L-Lust?" Loona repeated and he smirked as he pulled back to look at her now wide eyes, reddened ears and the wagging tailtip.

"What? You think I'm gluttonous?" He nodded at his puppy, who'd dove back into her snacks. "After I watched her go through an entire uncooked box of my favorite instant trash meal, I kind of stopped celebrating Gluttony. Lust, however...well, it runs in the blood."

"What?"

"Loo, my 'Hellmother' is a Succubus and my maternal grandfather is a Kitsu-Ne." Naruto deadpanned. Did he omit the fact that his grandfather was the same Kitsu-Ne that rules the entire race without question? Maybe. Was it important? Probably not. Unless some kind of grand galactic war or some other impossibility started, Naruto planned on keeping who his mother's father was close to the chest. The next time he and Rama had time to talk, though, you can fucking bet he'll bring it up.

"...What." Loona repeated, voice flat. She looked him over and then groaned into his chest. "That explains the patterned coat...I thought you had dyed orange fur."

"What's wrong with that?" He asked, frowning.

"Nothing, just...I thought you had bad taste?" Loona admitted with a shrug. He arched an eyebrow and she looked away. "It grew on me, alright? But those pics of you online in those purple shorts are...a lot."

"...There's pictures of me in my purple shorts?" Huh, he would've thought he had been more careful about that. Any question about what kind of pictures they were was kind of moot, given the heat radiating from Loona's ears. He smirked at her and played with the small cake he had in his hands, which got a very nice growl from her. "So you like my fur now?"

"I think Daddy's fur is pretty!" Himawari defended him without prompting. She frowned at the purple coat that covered a good portion of her arms. "It looks better than my purple..."

"Oh, don't even start, Squirt. Your purple looks pretty, too." Loona refuted before she smirked up at Naruto again. "Unless you have your own private room here, you should probably go save your P.A. from getting killed or whatever."

Wait, what was she implying? That he and Pris had–? Whatever revelation he was going to make was lost as the foundation shuddered again. He sighed and kissed the shorter She-Hound once more before he made his way to the elevators.

As the door shut behind him, he heard his girlfriend address his puppy once more.

"Alright, Squirt, cough up a clawful of those Lice Lickers and no one gets hurt."

The faint growl she got in response left with an amused Naruto smirk. He hoped the two of them remembered that Jiraiya was still there. Even if he was comatose, he was dangerous. A trait that was inherited by the family.

(Then: Gluttony, Rave Town)

Naruto was sore in places he didn't know he could be sore after a cage fight. Hellhounds, like most Hellborn, had high recovery and regeneration rates. Unlike other Hellborn, a Hellhound's recovery time could be improved by simple acts. For example, if a Hellhound lost a small portion of their body – like a finger or toe, tongue maybe – they could regrow it with ingestion of the removed part. Internal damage healed even faster, and some Hellhounds were rumored to live with half of the organs they had been born with.

With how his entire body ached whenever he so much as breathed wrong, Naruto was pretty sure he wasn't one of those Hellhounds. The Coalition of Kings' final bout had pushed him to his absolute limit and beyond, and his body was not ready for it. As soon as he had gotten his puppy back in her crib, he collapsed on his couch and passed out. Luckily, he had a great support system...Okay, well, he didn't, he lived in Hell. It was more so that his grandfather liked his great-grandpuppy enough to dote on her while he recovered.

It was day two of being immobile, and he had been conscious for three of the, thus far, thirty-seven hours he'd been on the couch. Thank fuck for television, even if all he got clearly was the shit reels from Pride while he was this far away from Beelzehaven's broadcast station. He occasionally drifted in and out of whatever infomercial played, instead going over his plans for his winnings in his head. First, business investments; he had to see if any Goetia sponsors would jump at his model plan. Then, improve his puppy's living situation. After that, he might just squirrel cash away so he wouldn't have to take too many jobs away from the Ring anymore.

A furious pounding on his shack's door interrupted his thoughts and, were he strong enough to actually move, Naruto would rise up and go cuss out whoever risked waking his napping puppy while his grandfather was out checking some business real estate prices.

"Open the fucking door, you little shit!" Another furious bang followed and the foundation shook. Shit. That would wake Himawari up for su–Wait, was that–? "Listen up, Brat! I have no qualms about bringing this door down!"

He knew that irritated voice. He weighed the pros and cons of remaining quiet. A faint whimper from the back room really influenced the way the scales tipped.

"It's unlocked, you old bitch!"

"What? Are you too good to be a fucking host after that stupid fight?"

"Bitch, I can't fuckin' move!"

"You're mouth's movin', ain't it?! Sounds like you move just fine to me!"

"Fuckin–!" Naruto curled his lip, swallowed back the yelp he almost let out, and then snarled. "Shizune, just open the fuckin' door for the lazy hag!"

"You really shouldn't antagonize her like that," Shizune sighed as she opened the door for the stacked Succubus that sauntered in and sneered down at him. Great, as if he didn't feel bad enough. A manicured finger pressed on the tip of Naruto's nose.

"You're a fucking idiot. You are so fucking lucky you're not dead."

"...Oh, so you watched the fight?" Naruto asked as his ears folded back. That didn't bode well for him. He winced as the borderline claw pushed his nose further into his muzzle. Ow. Ow. OW! He growled and then started to whine when the claw twisted. "Ow, alright, fuck! I give, yes, I'm an idiot! Please fucking stop!"

"Good, I'm glad you can at least still see reason. If only you could fucking remember that when you have a goddamned puppy!" Tsunade snarled as she grabbed his chin and shook his head a bit. That certainly didn't help. Oh, and judging by the whines, his puppy woke up. "Fucking Anti-Christ, Naruto. Why isn't your baby in the same room as you?!"

"Because she can't sleep with me forever–" Naruto muttered only to groan when Tsunade lifted his lip to inspect his teeth. "Ow."

"Well, the lost ones finished growing back, so that's something." Tsunade muttered before she went back to glaring him in the eye while she held his muzzle. "Your puppy saw you take a fucking ass-whooping for the better part of six fucking hours! When's the last time she got skin contact? After the fight?! Shizune!"

"On it!" The Baphomet hurried over to the bedroom and cooed as she opened the door. "Ooh, she's so cute! Hello, precious! Hi! I'm your Auntie Shizune, ohh, look at you! So cute!"

"Can I have my face back no–Ow!" Naruto yelped as his shoulder that he was pretty sure had been dislocated twice during the fight was wrenched about and cracked back into place. He let out a shuddered groan, only to whine as he was flipped onto his stomach. "Ow! Ow! Fucking, ow you sadistic bitch!"

"Oh, grow a fucking pair. Hm, these lacerations should've healed by now. Did you disinfect them?"

"The Toad poured some Beelzejuice on them and then set them on fire, so–"

"That dumb sonovabitch! I keep telling him not to light that shit on fire, it's honey-based!" Tsunade growled. Something sliced along his back, right where the lacerations were, and then a bottle was uncorked. "You may want to brace yourself, this is going to hurt."

"Wait, aren't you supposed to say it won't–? FUUUUUCK!" Naruto grabbed onto the couch and arched upwards as the stinging sensation of what he would later learn to be Lust's cheapest wine seeped into his cuts. Any other pain he might have had was forgotten as those nerves were reawoken. "Ideal Judas! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"That'll kill most of the infection. When's your last Hellbies' shot?"

"I'm set, thanks!" Naruto snapped and looked up as Shizune walked in with his very interested puppy. He forced a very strained grin on his face, which caused the year old pup's ears to perk up and her little tail to wag. "Hi, Pickle! Did you have a good nap?"

"Daaa!"

"Aww, there's my gi–FUCK!" Naruto roared, which caused his puppy to flinch, when two Succubus' knuckles pressed into the base of his spine and twisted. He slumped forward, half hanging over the arm of his couch and whimpering. "My back...the fuck?"

"That should fix the nerve damage."

"It fucking didn't! Everything hurts worse!"

"Then it absolutely worked, part of the reason you hurt so much was because of the multiple blows to your spine. Now, let me see this little one. Oh, hello there, what a big girl!" Tsunade smiled sweetly and Himawari's whimper died down. The Succubus gently cradled the puppy and her claw slowly trailed along her tiny muzzle. "Can you show Nana Nade your teef? Hm? Oh, such a good big girl! Uh-huh, wow look at those pearly whites! Yes, your idiot father seems to be doing a good job keeping you healthy even if the only one he called on for help was his retarded grandfather."

"Hate you. I hate you, so much." Naruto whined. He perked up when the strong smell of alcohol was held up under his nose. His tail wagged weakly and he grinned. "Don't hate you, Shizune."

"Thanks, Naruto," the Baphomet giggled as she helped him drink some Beelzejuice.

(Now: Gluttony, Business Boulevard, Wild Things Facilitated Main Lobby)

"...I mean, this is hot right?" Blitzø asked from where he and his married underlings huddled in fear behind the receptionist desk as the Hellhound Bitch that had tried to recruit his hitwoman went toe to toe with the same fucking succubus that had scaroused him as a much younger Imp. Shit, she probably awoke him as a bisexual – at the time, he and Fizzaroli had been toeing the line of platonic friendship and furious rivalry – and why he was so invested in the sex with Verosika Mayday even before she was...well, super famous.

Bitch makes one Sinsmas album and the whole Underworld falls in love with her! But Satan forbid he makes off with the cunt's credit cards to go learn more about his passion, and everyone hates him! It just doesn't seem fucking fair.

"It's...certainly something." Millie admitted with a wince as she watched the Scary Stacked Succubus put the Saluki-like Hellhound in an one-handed arm-bar that had the She-Hound whimpering.

"It's uh...really something." Moxxie swallowed. He laughed nervously when Millie glanced at him. "I love you, honey, but...it's...Wrath. And Sinsmas."

"Uh-huh. I'll remember you said that." Millie smirked. Vicious little bitch, that's why she's Blitzø's number two. She leaned over to Blitzø. "Why are we still hiding here?"

"Because, Loony is somewhere in the building and we can't get in the elevator without a passkey–" Blitzø started to say when the elevator dinged. He turned and hoofed it. "Cover me, I'm going for it!"

He got all of two feet away from it when he ran face-to-foot into – oh, Satan fucking dammit.

"Ah. Now I get why Loo was irritated." The fucking oversized asshat mutt that kept sniffing around his baby stared down at him. Shit, this guy is a giant. Why was his Loony humoring him like this?! ...Oh, right, he was helping them move out of their shitty apartment and somewhere nicer. Loony still hadn't said anything about the Greed setups he'd offered, but she'd made her own suggestions to move to Gluttony that...shit, they were really good and Blitzø felt so fucking bad whenever he had to avoid answering her!

The only actual downside to moving to Gluttony, outside of the possible commute to the office, was that they would be closer to the Fuck Off, Giant (wannabe) Daughter-Fucker...On the other hand, he could learn where the rich bastard lived...and just make off with his funds. And maybe that pup–Wait. Hold on. ...Right, that was Jiraiya's great grand-child. He couldn't do that. ...Fuck, that Hellhound was really fucking scary.

The elevator door shutting snapped Blitzø out of his thoughts and he looked around for the giant bastard that had punted him into a car the second time they met. He found the Hellhound interrupting the non-cat-involved catfight.

Which, honestly? That made him so fucking mad. There was no greater sin than interrupting a good catfight – and this one was easily in Blitzø's Top Five – and for this Hellhound to have the fucking balls to do so? ...Blitzø – very fucking reluctantly – respected him a bit more for it. And that he did it without getting physical? ...Fuck, he really respected this stupid damn Hellhound...but that didn't mean he thought the bastard was good enough for his baby!

"Granny, get the fuck off of her before she gets turned on. I will make you pay for the cleaning bill."

"I'd like to see you– ...Anti-Christ, did you grow again?!" The Scary Stacked Succubus asked as she let the Saluki-like She-Hound drop to the ground.

"Why is that always the first fucking thing anyone says to me?" The Mutt muttered with a furrow brow and–Wait, did that imply The Mutt was smaller?! ...Mm, Blitzø might have a weakness for small Hellhound pictures...It's what led him to the orphanage in Pride where he found his Loony Toony. The Mutt shook his head and crossed his arms. "Yeah, I might've. C'mon, I'll take you to the Toad. Pris?"

"Fucking–You know her?!" The She-Hound, Pris, growled as she got back to her feet and straightened out her sexy one-piece dress suit. Bitch she might be, she killed with that suit on. What? Blitzø knew where to throw compliments when it mattered. She adjusted her glasses and rolled her shoulder. "Why didn't you ever bring up knowing–?"

"Before you finish, a few things. One, she's basically my grandmother," The Mutt said as he held a finger up. A second claw followed. "Two, she has fucked Jiraiya. Multiple times."

Ugh, gag.

"Don't be laying out my dirty laundry like that, you ungrateful shit!" The Stacked Scary Succubus snapped. The Mutt shrugged unapologetically and crossed his arms again.

"Oh, honey...Why?" Pris grimaced along with a blanched Blitzø.

"Fuck off, I was plastered." The S.S. Succubus growled as she crossed her arms. The Mutt nodded toward the elevators and then locked eyes with Pris again.

"Pris, I will forgive this...snafu? ...I think that's the word." He muttered before he shook his head and locked eyes with the She-Hound again. "Anyway, I'll forgive it, because you should have called me when Loona showed up and that would have prevented you embarrassing yourself in fighting against The Legendary Suck-er!"

The Mutt winced and tilted at the side where a pair of polished nails were stabbed. His right ear was then grabbed and twisted, which brought him even lower and down to a whimper. The S.S. Succubus growled at him.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you to not fucking use that stupid fucking epitaph?!" He groaned in response as she twisted her wrist. Blazing hazel eyes looked over every Hellborn in the vicinity. "Listen very carefully: No one...ever uses...that title. I will find out if you do...I have intimate and detailed knowledge about the entire physiology of every registered Hellborn species. I will ensure that if you try to fuck with me? It will be the last thing you are able to fuck. You won't even be able to masturbate. Is that clear?"

"Crystal." Moxxie said, Millie nodding beside him. Pris's ears folded back and she gave a curt nod. Blitzø shrank back when her eyes locked on his. Hazel eyes narrowed.

"Do I know you?"

"Uh...Not personally," he said with a grin as he scratched his head. "Er, Blitzø is the name. I uh, run a business not unlike this one, with my own building in Pride–"

"You know what? I don't fucking care." ...Wow, what a fucking rude bitch. The S.S. Succubus glared at the Hound she had a grip on. "Wrap it up, shithead, so I can get your dumbass grandfather back on his feet."

...What? The Imp Eater is...out of commission? Was this opportunity calling?

"Right, will do. Can I have my fucking ear back?" The Mutt grumbled. The S.S. Succubus released his ear and he stood up with a kink in his flicking right ear. He winced and rubbed at it while he met Pris' eyes. "Pris? Do something about the Imps and then get back to Hana before I make sure she comes looking for you."

"While I look like I got in a fight without her? You're not that much of a dick, Naruto." Pris growled. He arched a brow at her and Pris growled louder. "Fuck! C'mon, Wrathians, before I change my mind and call the fucking cops."

"What good would that do?" Blitzø heard the S.S. Succubus ask as she and The Mutt went to a different elevator and stepped on.

"We've changed some things about how Gluttony is run."

"...Sweet fuck, you actually did it. You took over the biggest city in the Ring."

"Wait, he what?!" Blitzø asked only for the elevator doors to shut. He was dropped to the ground as the elevator rocketed up to another floor. "Fuck!"

"Third floor, Endless Assassin Sinsmas. Get the fuck out." Pris growled at the three of them. Blitzø scowled back at her as he got back to his feet and led his two fellow Imps out. A buzzer sounded that had them all cringe as the elevator door slid shut. Then Pris' voice sounded down from above. "FRESH MEAT! UNINITIATED! NON-CONTRACTED!"

"...Sir, I think we should run." Moxxie offered. Like a bitch.

"Fuck that." Blitzø scoffed. "Bring it on!"

A wall exploded and two Imps wearing what looked like some kind of exo-suits stomped through. The shorter of the two imps lifted the literal cannon that was hanging off of their hip.

"...Look, Panik, fresh meat!"

"And they're Non-Contracted, Payne! We can do whatever we want to them…"

"Ooh, I can test out the Whammer function." The shorter exo-suit wearing Imp lifted their cannon and pulled on a lever that started a piston feature, where half of the barrel pumped off from the other. Harder and faster with every second that passed.

"...Actually, I've thought about it, and you know what, guys? I think we should run." Blitzø amended his decision.

"Wow, where could you have gotten that ide–Hey! Millie!" Moxxie cried out as he was hefted up over his wife's head.

"I remember what you said! Love you baby, Happy Sinsmas!" Millie said as she threw her husband at the other Imps. She looked at Blitzø. "Run!"

"You're so fuckin' cutthroat, Millie! This is why you're my number two!" Blitzø admitted as they darted down the opposite hallway.

AN: Wow...This took ALL week. Like I said, it's been rough.

Yeah, genuinely considering a Ko-Fi.

Also, more Tsunade and the wrap up of Sinsmas next time! ...Just...four weeks after the season...Yeah, I might really need that Ko-Fi…

I'll keep you posted, folks.