Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Who's That Father?
The Way It Is
(Then: Gluttony, Beelzehaven Prison "The Hive")
"You've got thirty minutes, make 'em count." The guard growled while Naruto rolled his eyes and carried his puppy into the private family room. Cameras watched them from the upper left and right far ceiling tiles, and seated in a chair by the table was the Hound he came to visit.
"Unkie!" Himawari squealed and squirmed in Naruto's arms until he set her down. The freshly turned three year old puppy ran over and was met with an embrace from the now kneeling convict. The beige and brown coated Hellhound in a bright orange jumpsuit chuckled as his pale red eyes closed as the puppy licked and nuzzled into his neck.
"Himawari! How are you?" Neji Hyūga asked as he gave the toddler a nuzzle of his own. He gently pushed the pup back as both of their tails wagged, the pup's a blur while the older Hound's was more reserved as he looked her over. His pale red eyes narrowed playfully. "Did you get bigger?"
"No!" She giggled. Neji smiled and pulled her back for another hug as he stood. He feigned a groan.
"That can't be right, you weren't this big last month."
"She's gained at least an inch." Naruto shrugged as he stepped in and offered his hand. Neji shifted the babbling puppy to his side and they clasped each other's forearms. "How are you holding up, Neji?"
"About as well as I can." Neji shrugged as their subtle show of support dropped aside and he smiled at the puppy. "Hey, Uncle has a present for you over on the table, would you like to see?"
"Peasant?!" Himawari perked up, tail full on blurred.
"Pres-ant." Her uncle enunciated. "Say it correctly, Himawari."
"Peasant! Peasant!" Himawari barked with a wide smile.
"That's probably as good as you'll get for now." Naruto admitted around a small laugh. Neji gave him a small growl and carried the pup over to the table where a small package awaited.
"Your...Pop-Pop told me you enjoy coloring, right?"
"Culors?!" His Pickle asked as she started panting, little tongue hanging out of the side of her short muzzle. "Culors! Dah-dee, Culors!"
"Yes, I heard him, Pickle...Whelp, now you've done it." Naruto sighed, he knew he shouldn't have let her nap for so long after lunch. It hadn't even been five minutes and she was already worked up. Putting her to bed later, shit, getting her out of here without a tantrum was going to be impossible at this point. Shunting that concern aside to deal with later, he folded his arms across his chest and smiled as Neji sit with the pup in his lap at the table and pulled the package over.
Of course, as any Hellpup was wont to do once they got their little paws on something, Himawari tried to eat it first thing. Neji pulled the gift away and the toddler whined.
"Unkie!" She protested, grabbing at the wrapped package. She let out a frustrated growl and tried to get out of her uncle's lap. "No! Mine! Mine-mine-mine!"
"Ah-ah, no. Quiet." Neji added a slight growl to his softly spoken word and tightened his arm around the pup. To Naruto's amazed bafflement, the softer touch appeared to quell the loud possessive nature his puppy continued to display. She still whined and reached for the gift, but the mounting tantrum that was to be was averted. Neji glanced up at him and gave a small smile. "Puppies, especially the younger ones, can read intent better than they understand words. 'No', is a simple enough rejection, but throw in a small growl, a gentle hug, it enforces that the request is for negative behavior to stop, but that one isn't outright going to be punished on the first warning."
"Huh. No shit? Where'd you learn that?" Naruto asked, leaning on the table.
"Part of my incarceration gives me a chance to read. A lot of old books on education and raising young were donated by prior inmates. One such book includes decent insight and advice for starting parents." Neji explained. He sighed as Himawari continued to quietly fuss and started to stamp on his lap. "Ah. Yes, here, I believe, is the part where a parent should intervene."
"Don't have to ask me twice." The younger Hound chuckled before he crouched down next to the two. He made a quick clack of his teeth and Himawari looked at him, watery eyed. He gave her a stern frown and firmly tapped on the tip of her nose with a single claw. "Pickle, do not eat the present."
"Mine peasant!"
"Not if you try to eat it, it's not. Good girls don't eat their presents. Be a good girl, Pickle."
"Wawi good, Dah-dee!" She whined, her ears falling. He arched a brow at her and tilted his head slightly. He let his nostrils flare for a second before he narrowed his eyes at her.
"Prove it."
Himawari decided to pout at him for a long minute, but then sat back down when she realized he wasn't going to break. She slumped and looked down at her paws. Another minute passed before she looked up at her uncle with two regretful, big blue eyes. Ears hanging and tail limp, the little pup uttered out a sullen apology.
"Wari sowee, Unkie."
"...You are forgiven, Himawari." Neji managed to get out. He pulled the present back and cut part of it with his claw, before he let her rip into the Glutton's Globe wrapped around it. As the pup tore into the gift and overcame her minute of shame, the convict looked at the father. "That was not in the material I read."
"That's because it's a family thing." Naruto grinned as he pushed himself back up to his feet. He stood up taller, stretching his legs out with a groan, and sighed when his knees popped. "Apparently it goes back to my father's mother. Gramps says she is kind of an extremely competitive bitch."
"Bish!" Himawari parroted before she squealed as she flipped through her new Adventures of Queen Bee-Lzebub & Fiends coloring book. Naruto winced, so much for avoiding her learning that word. A particular character was isolated on their own page and she let out a particularly high keen. "Dah-dee! Culors Bee-Bo?"
"Of course," Naruto sighed as his shoulders slumped. It would figure that stupid fuckin' 'Bee-Bot' could be featured in the book. He hated that stupid robot, er clone, er..whatever, it was a glorified sex toy made to parody all of the Robo-Fizz bots that Mammon released a year or so ago. He rubbed his face and sighed. "Yes, Pickle, you can color 'Bee-Bo'."
"Bee-Bo?" Neji repeated with an arched brow as the puppy began to sing softly to herself and color it. He looked at the picture. His face went slack and he looked up at Naruto. "That is a sex toy."
"I know." Naruto whimpered as he let his claw fall to his side.
"Why is she excited to color a sex toy?"
"I have no fucking clue, dude! It flashes a lot of stupid colors and music that the cartoons dance to, maybe that's why?" He shrugged and tried not to think about how that stupid show might affect his Puppy. "Have you given any thought to my offer?"
"Scouting from within?" Neji asked as he gently stroked the happily engrossed pup's hair. "Yeah. I can give you a few names every visit. But once I'm out–"
"Let you figure it out," Naruto said with a sigh. He scratched his jaw. "Alright. There's a spot on the staff waiting for you, if you ever change your mind."
"I will endeavor to remember that." Neji chuckled. He gestured at the seat. "Tell me about your recent project, something about a Ring-wide Pack Number?"
"Right," Naruto said as he sat down and began to bounce ideas off of his daughter's technical uncle. "So, around a year back just before the tournament, Pickle had an unintentional adventure because of some douchebag named Kabuto..."
(Now: Gluttony, Wild Things Facilitated)
During the week after her main Chew Toy was taken, Bee bounced back into familiar routines. Parties were thrown, Beelzejuice was made, and countless Vibes were eaten by the Head Bitch In Charge. As long as she treated it like she did anytime her favorite Hounds of a generation were lost to the demands of the natural order. Bee just accepted it and moved on. No need to grieve when he wasn't really gone.
Then, before she realized it, six o'clock on Saturday had come and left. Her new number one fuck toy hadn't shown, which was super fucking irritating for so many reasons. At the foremost, he belonged to her and she had warned him what would fucking happen. So, Bee-Lzebub kept good on her word.
She hunted down her to-be new default fuck toy and found him in a hospital room. Before she could think to jump on him and force him to give her a ride that she'd begrudgingly waited a week for, she took note of the other inhabitant of the room. Bandaged, asleep and absolutely drenched in all sorts of negative Vibes was the Foxy Hunk's Bay-Bee, Himawari. Seeing the pup injured again – seriously, what kind of dark voodoo shit was the Foxy Hunk into that backfired on his pup so fuckin bad?! – she woke her subordinate up with a pulse of power aimed at the Seal on his chest. His expected snarl was ignored this time – cradling his injured pup, woken by a stronger demon that snuck into her hospital room, yeah, he was gonna flip. Bee knew enough about how the 'Dad' mind worked thanks to Luci's gushing years over Charlie, so that reaction was inevitable and that was the only reason she let it go – and she asked what happened.
Get this shit, right? His cute little side piece – Luna or something, didn't matter. Bee wanted to get her to come to another party sometime, maybe get her alone, drink and dance her way into getting a taste of that Creamy cutie's pie – and her coworkers were abducted with the Bay-Bee. By Humans. That somehow broke into Pride. Luci wasn't living that shit down any fucking time soon.
Of course, Bee had to reluctantly run out and check all security measures for Gluttony after the Hunk let her know the checkpoint exit that led up top was void of any guards. Currently, he had a rotation set up by his loyal hounds, but she really should make sure it was not left to one private military company before he started charging the Ring.
"I run a fucking business, not a goddamn charity. I was going to send you a bill once you fucking noticed." He had spat after she asked why he hadn't charged her for the effort yet, then he metaphorically kicked her out of the room. That was fine, she took care of her craving with help from his very sexy, and extremely gay, secretary in her car. Bee had never been so happy to be female presenting or Pan in her life, that bitch had a fuckin' talented tongue.
It was Wednesday, the first of Earth's recognized tenth month. She was due for reports from all of her underlings, but there was one she wanted an in-person report from. A quick flight brought her back to Wild Things Facilitated, to the fourth floor (three more still under construction), and she slipped into the new temporary office of the one Hellhound in the running to fill the giant Tex-sized hole she had, lounged on his desk while he went over something on a tablet. So engrossed in whatever he was reading, she grinned and planned to surprise him. Maybe it'd lead to a rough office romp...What? She could fantasize, she was the fucking Queen Bee!
Bee hadn't even opened her mouth when a file was held up in his off hand.
"Findings on your assigned Security Team's absence, the human organization that got into Pride and how they did it, and monetary bullshit that Mammon tricked you all into filling out."
"Mams didn't fucking trick us." Bee growled as she snatched the folder, rolled onto her back and started to flip through it. Her lip curled when the fuck toy snorted, expressing his disagreement with her opinion. "Fuck you, Na-Ru-To."
"Three more days." He drawled before his smug blue eyes finally looked up from the tablet. "Unless you want to concede two rounds to me."
"Asshole." Bee scowled and flipped through the leaflets of paper. A repetitive phrase popped up in the financial itinerary and she scanned through it to make sure she wasn't seeing things. "Hey, what's with all of this classified shit?"
"Classified."
"Excuse you?!" Bee rolled onto her side to glare at the Hunk again. Shit, her cravings were getting roused; he should not look that good in a t-shirt and flannel. Blue eyes glanced at her again and his lips twitched up. This cheeky motherfucker–! "You wanna try again, Na-Ru-To?"
"Can't. It's classified."
"Yeah, well, un-classify it. And you can consider that a fucking order."
"Respectfully, Queen Bee, you can fuckoff." She snarled at him and he glared back. He nodded at the folder in her hands. "Those classified items are meant for the select eyes of certain sponsors of my company. You are a Sin, my master," he sneered the word and she scowled at him. If he didn't want her to save his fucking sexy ass, he could have just let himself get fuckin impaled and paralyzed. It's been a fucking month, he needed to get the fuck over it already. Oblivious to how close she was to reaching her limit with his bullshit attitude, the Hellhound pressed on. "Although you are a Sin, not to mention my immediate 'superior', you do not sponsor my company, and hence, do not help pay my Hounds or bills. My sponsors have requests they make occasionally and, given that they provide more than adequate funding than some of our individual job requests which allow me to make on the fly rescue or assault operations, I don't fucking share them if I don't fucking need to. It's something called confidentiality, look it up."
"Cute." Bee huffed and pushed herself to sit upright and smacked him on the head with the folder. The annoyed glare and sexy growl she got did way more for her than it should have. Shit, talk about backfiring, she needed to make sure he didn't catch on. "Fuckin' smartass...So, how's the Bay-Bee? Talking again yet?"
"...She's a little more reserved." The hound grumbled as his eyes dropped back down to his tablet. His ear flicked. "Our onsite physician cleared her to return to light activities. Got her working on some math with our accounting team right now."
"It is so fucking weird how devoted your lackies are to you and your puppy." Bee muttered as two of her four arms crossed while the other two played with the report. He huffed, and refused to rise to the bait. Her eye twitched. "Alright, jackass, what the fuck's got you in a mood?"
"Well, I have an annoying bitch sitting on my desk–Unf." He grunted when she whapped his snout with her report. Glowing blue eyes glared at her. "Did you just fucking 'nose tap' me?"
"Bad boys get nose taps." Bee narrowed her eyes. She smirked and leaned forward to cup his chin. "But good boys get treats."
"Fuck off." He growled and jerked his head back. He locked his tablet and set it screen down on the table before he crossed his arms. "I got you the fucking reports. What the fuck else could you want from me?"
"I'll show you if you lock the door–"
"Aside from that," he said, rolling his eyes. She growled at him and he growled back. "Three. Fucking. Days."
"Fucking–! I know, asshat! Excuse me for being pent up! It's almost been two weeks!" Bee snapped.
"You can't fucking expect me to believe you abstained for two weeks."
"Of course not, but all those fucking quickies weren't...well, they were fun, but it didn't satisfy my craving." Bee admitted with a frown. He rolled his eyes and she scowled at him. Maybe if she dropped a hint? "I need a good creampie fuck."
"To satisfy your lust."
Cheeky bastard!
"Motherfucker, I will strap you down right here and fuck your asshole raw, Demon Deal be damned!" She growled. Naruto narrowed his eyes.
"Is that a threat, Bee?"
"Consider it a fucking promise, Jackass."
"Really?" He scoffed. "Can't wait to hear you justify that violation to Lucifer."
Alright, that tears it.
"Why the fuck are you so fucking pissy?!" Bee grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in close. Her glowing eyes locked with his and both of their lips curled back to expose fangs. "Your Vibes have been funky ever since I met you. All I fucking ever did to you was offer you some choice pussy-fucking and saved your fucking ability to walk, because you fucking asked me too! Any other Sin would've fucking destroyed you at this point!"
"Yeah? Then why the fuck haven't you?" He growled.
"Because, dipshit, I don't believe in wasting good dicks for petty fucking reasons!" Bee jostled him and felt herself grow a little spicy. She snarled and shoved him away as her arms crossed and the second pair rested on her hips. "What the fuck do you have against having a good time during the prime of your life?!"
"You think I'm in my prime?" He scoffed. "My prime ended the fucking second I had a puppy to worry about."
"You can't pin that shit on me, you decided not to drop her off in an orphanage." Bee threw her hands up as he sneered at her. "Oh, what?! That's the whole fucking reason they even exist, dumbass!"
His eyes flashed and he locked his gaze with hers. His erect ears remained directed her way and the sound of tearing leather could be heard as the arms of his chair were crushed beneath his claws. His jaw flexed before he spoke again, and when he did, Bee noticed a chill in the air. Did he crank the AC or something?
"Name one fucking Hellhound that came out of one of your orphanages grateful to you for the fucking experience." He growled. "Tell me the name of a single fucking Hellhound that thanked you personally or in a fucking letter for letting them grow up in one of those shitholes. If you can honestly do that? I'll forfeit the Deal."
Unholy shit! That was– No demon in their right mind ever made an offer to forfeit a Demon Deal! Their Pride would never allow it! ...And this Goddamn idiot just fucking did! Bee racked her brain, her craving driving her. She needed this fucking win, this smug fucker needed to be put in his fucking place! She'd been denied a tying from him too many fucking times this month, she deserved this win!
"Easy! There was the Erb–No, wait, he thanked me for a place to dump his babies...uh...Well, there was Car–No, she came from a Lust hostel chain I helped Ozzie develop. Shit. Uh...gimme a sec–!"
"Why? Can't think of one off of the top of your head?" Naruto asked snidely. She scowled, didn't he fucking hear her? He sat back and narrowed his eyes. "So, what the fuck does that tell you?"
"Well, you try and sort through ten millennia of memories!" Bee snapped around a growl. He couldn't expect her to do this on a fuckin dime! Unless he wanted her to lie, but he'd stipulated honesty – the clever bastard, fuck she couldn't wait to see him quivering in front of her via orgasm – and so honest she had to be. Stupid fucking Demon Deals were getting right up there with As Above So Below as concepts Bee despised on fucking principle!
"Tell you what," he tilted his head. "We have three days until our next hookup, right? You find me a name, or some legitimate proof that someone these orphanages 'helped', ever existed? Then the Deal's over, and you win."
"...Three days?!" Bee scowled. "You're asking me to look through fucking millennia of paperwork in three days?!"
"It's not that fucking hard." Naruto scoffed, as if he knew what he was fucking talking about. "It's not like I'm asking you to raise a puppy by yourself when you barely make enough to live on your own, so that you have to swallow your fucking pride and ask for help from Hounds you didn't want to deal with after they kept disappointing you over and fucking over again. Or that you need to take extended freelance missions to other rings or topside, risking your fucking life just to make sure your puppy gets one more fucking can of mashed pickles to eat. Shit, I'm not even making you fight a death gauntlet that you can't guarantee surviving just so you can use what little fucking savings and winnings you might have to start a business that might not even survive launch to make money to raise that puppy the way you always fucking wanted to be. I'm just asking you, the fucking Sin of Gluttony, to look through your own fucking paperwork – with all the abilities and magic shit such status gives you – that you should have fucking filed because everyone knows Lucifer punishes you all with swaths of paperwork."
...Damn. When he put it that way, yeah, Bee really didn't have a lot to worry about. There had to be some kind of paper or something in her files. Right?
"Fine." Bee sat back on his desk and leered at him. Asshole was so going to regret this...Still, she'd better play it fucking safe. "What happens if I don't find anything?"
"Uh...shit, I don't fucking know..." he furrowed his brow and let his head tilt back. He snapped his fingers. "Got it. How about you leave me the fuck alone for a month?"
"Ha! ...Yeah, that's not fucking happening." Bee scowled at him. She knew herself well enough not to trap herself like that. These past two skips were eating at her fucking sanity– alright, one and a half, she did get a few hours of go-time two weeks back before the whole Vortex thing got to her. Regardless, her craving for this asshole's dick stretching out her cooch was starting to get on her fucking nerves.
"Alright, two week–" uh, no. She straddled his lap and pinned him to his chair as her spicy side slipped out across her face. Her second set of arms rubbed circles into his chest while the pinning pair kneaded his thick, round shoulders.
"For fucks sake, douchebag, I'm not skipping any more hookups!" Bee snarled. His eyes narrowed and darted around her face – yeah, memorize this, fucking asshole; this is the bitch that owns his ass, he could be fucking grateful she looked as good as she did – before he huffed.
"Fine." He growled. He poked her in the gut. "You fail to find anything? You pay off my company's debt to Greed."
"Pfft, that's it?" Bee deflated and crossed her arms. "You can't think of anything fun you wanna try?"
"At the moment, no. Not while you're grinding on my dick." He deadpanned, a twitch in his eye. Bee looked down at herself and yep. Sure enough, straddling this stud had evolved into a steady grind which could become a hump fuck if she kept it up. Hm. She smirked and leaned forward.
"You want me to stop?"
"...I have a meeting with Lord Asmodeus in thirty minutes–"
"Does Ozzie make you call him that?" Bee asked with a snort.
"No, I call him that out of respect."
"Uh-huh." Hey, she knows that gradually rising warmth between her legs! Her hips started to roll–
"You wanna pay my debt off that fuckin bad, huh?"
"Shit!" Bee stopped on a dime and glared at the smirking Hellhound she was gracing with one of her sinfully amazing lap dances. She hopped off his lap and hovered in the air, sneering at him. "Whatever, you're gonna eat your fucking words. Enjoy the blue balls, dick."
"Don't forget the folder, Bee." He drawled as he pulled himself back to his desk and picked his tablet back up. Bee scowled at him as she snatched his report from his desk. She turned and zipped off, mind racing through the most recent years for any sort of hint of a memory about a happy Orphanage pup that might've hit her up.
There had to be at least one bastard out there honestly grateful to her for the safe haven to live in when they were puppies...Right? ...Right?!
(Pride, Hothead's Café)
Ten days.
It'd been ten fucking days since she last exchanged words with her boyfriend. Ten fucking days since they shouted and snarled at each other. Ten fucking days since she got any sort of update on the Squirt's situation. Ten fucking days since she'd seen hide or hair of a Wild Thing operative pop up in social media. Her boyfriend's last post was still of their most recent night spent together...which was more than ten fucking days ago!
Even fucking Doug in Verosika Mayday's office was giving her the cold shoulder. Like, fuck she knew that Naruto's mercenaries were loyal bastards – outside of that one group, and fuck those dead bastards – but what the fuck did he do for them to get this kind of solidarity?!
Whatever, that wasn't Loona's problem. Right now it was the wait time for her vanilla latte and the rest of her co-worker's coffee orders. She could deal with her boyfriend's fuckin' communication issues later... is what she thought. If she really felt that way, she should stop staring at the last text he sent, stupid early at five in the morning – four hours before she even considered waking up.
(Call me ASAP)
She left it on read. He wanted to talk now? He can stew for a day or seven or even fucking ten! Selfish asshole. He could at least call her, maybe get voicemail a dozen fucking times before he left her a fucking recording like she did him. He at least owed her that fucking much. The door chime caught her ear and she felt her ear flick toward it. There was heated grumbling and a familiar snarl.
"You two fucking shitheads can stay the fuck out here with the fucking car."
"Ma'am, we're supposed to protect–!"
"Yeah! Protect! Not fucking hover! You come in this building and one of you will have to explain to the fucking cops why the other one was DOA!"
Loona knew that voice. She looked up and sure enough, The Rockstar walked in, half dressed as usual – a purple variant as opposed to her striking and fucking sexy red number; what? Loona knew what she liked – and pulled her shades away from her eyes, grumbling as she ambled toward the desk. Shit, those were some seriously heavy bags.
"Hey, dickcheese, I need a fucking coffee! Black!"
"You'll have to wait for the que to go down– Oh, shit! You're Roxanne Wolfsbane! Can I have–?!"
"Coffee." Roxanne snarled, a fine claw drilled onto the countertop. "Or a slow death. You pick."
"A black coffee, coming right up!"
"Oh, that is fucking bullshit." Loona scowled. Then blanched. Did she fucking say that out loud? Golden eyes turned her way and yep. Fuck. She definitely did.
"Oh, hey. It's the twerp." Roxanne smirked at her. "How was your ride to Gluttony?"
"Never again." Loona admitted with a twitch of her eye and a flick in her notched ear. The Rockstar barked out a laugh and slammed some bills down as the fan behind the counter brought her a large fresh cup of coffee.
"Cover her order, bring it to my table. Maybe I'll sign a fucking napkin for you."
"You got it!" The Simping Sinner behind the counter nodded eagerly before they ran off to do that. Loona blinked, why was this bitch–? She groaned and rubbed her face. She and Naruto fucked. Right.
"You coming or what, Twerp? I haven't got all fucking day. I got a fuckin' lunch meeting in forty minutes with a potential producer."
"Fucking–!" Loona growled again. Do it for the coffee. Do it for the coffee!
Begrudgingly, the smaller she-hound followed the Rockstar over to a booth near the front door. She sat down across from the knockout and once more cursed herself for being such a bisexual disaster. To avoid staring at the Hellhound celebrity that was trying to enjoy her first cup of coffee like the tired, sex-starved, caffeine-deprived idiot she currently was, she looked out the window. A duo of decent looking Hounds dressed in suits and wearing light-blocking shades glowered at her where they leaned against a black SUV.
"Don't mind them, they're overpriced stand ins." Roxanne muttered as she lowered her cup of coffee. She rested a hand around the mug and arched a brow. "So...How's the sex?"
"...I think you already know." Loona scowled. Dammit, she did not want to get into a conversation about her fucking sex life. Everything was going fucking great until it all came to a fucking halt after those human fuckers ambushed I.M.P. after a successful mission. All of that pay had to go to the fucking office space rent. It was fucking infuriating.
"Yeah, I fucking guessed you'd say some shit like that." Roxanne huffed, her eyes drifted away and stared off at space. "You should've had a go at him when he was a Short King. Talk about a fiesty fuck–"
"What the fuck do you want, Roxanne?" Loona growled. She was too tired, too horny and way too fucking pissed already to play nice with this hot mess of a celebrity. Talking about fucking her boyfriend – regardless of the current fight they were having, he hadn't broken up with her (yet) and she didn't want to fucking break it off if she didn't fucking have to – with his sort of ex was not something she'd planned on doing today.
"I can't ask his new bitch what she thinks about the used goods she gets to play with?" Roxanne asked, smirking a bit. Loona felt her nostrils flare and a growl emitted from her throat. The Rockstar smirked. "Cute. No wonder he picked you up, asshole always had a weak spot for helpless little shits."
"Excuse you?" Loona growled. She glared at the employee that got too close to her as they set down her drinks. She grabbed her latte and ignored the other three drinks that were there. She'd take them back in a fucking minute, right now she wanted to know why her boyfriend's sort of ex was talking shit.
"You fuckin heard me." Roxanne smirked wider when Loona's growls increased. "Only reason he hooked up with your sorry ass was because he pitied you."
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Loona scoffed before she gulped down some of her latte. The words bounced around in the back of her head. Did he really–No, she was trying to get in Loona's head for some reason. Don't fall into that fucking trap.
"C'mon, just fucking admit it, you never would've caught his eye if you two passed on the fucking street." The bitch took another swig of her coffee. "Ahh...How the fuck did you two meet anyway?"
"That's none of your fucking business."
"Alright, so it's an embarrassing story? I'm gonna guess...You were behind on rent, took up a Devil Dash job on the side to make some extra cash, then got a job to bring him and the Pup some food or something." Roxanne tilted her head and watched her. Loona scowled back and gave nothing away. Side note, was there an infliction on the 'pup' or did she imagine that? Roxanne hummed. "No? Okay, then you two had a small fender bender on the freeway and the accident made one of you shit yourselves."
"You're not gonna fucking guess, so just fuckin' drop it." Loona growled.
"Tsk, fine. Most fun I've had thus far today, ruined by a sad little bitch that got lucky," Roxanne sneered at her. "Then fucked up by letting Queen Bee enslave him."
"Don't try to pin his shitty decisions on me!" Loona snapped. Fucking Queen Bee, officially Loona's least favorite Sin. Never going to one of her fucking parties again, no matter how fucking hot she was.
"Well you ain't fighting her for full fucking custody, so I can pin that on you."
"Fight a Sin? Yeah, no, I'll pass on that painful death, thanks." She scoffed. She glared at the bitch that had started to growl at her. "Was there something meaningful you wanted to fucking say or are you gonna keep fucking insult me?"
"Yeah, I got something to fuckin say: Don't fuck up."
"What?" Loona scowled. The larger She-Hound leaned forward with glowing golden eyes.
"Don't. Fuck. Up." She repeated. "Because I will capitalize on your fuck up, Twerp. I won't make the same fucking mistake twice."
"What fucking mistake?" Loona growled. She fucking hated it when demons were fucking vague!
"Are you really this fucking blind or just fucking stupid? Do I really have to spell this shit out to you?" Roxanne narrowed her eyes and dug her claw into the table. Her eyes were narrowed and her lip curled back to expose her teeth. "Bitch, if you fuck this up and you two split? I'm making a fucking comeback, I am rectifying my fucking mistake and locking him down."
"What?!" Loona blinked. She heard the words, but the meaning behind them, it couldn't be what she thought, right? ...Yep, Roxanne looked serious. Shit, was she really getting a fucking 'challenge' for the same guy she was fighting with?! Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, it was too fucking early for this!
"You heard me." The Rockstar snagged her coffee and stood up from the booth. She downed the rest of the cup and tossed it in after the black liquid that it once contained. Once she'd swallowed the meal whole, she leaned on the table into Loona's face. "That Hellhound you're fucking? He's a fucking catch – the real fuckin' deal– you won't find another demon like him in any fucking Ring. Trust me, I've fucking looked! This is my only fucking warning, Twerp. Don't fucking blow it, because the fuckin second you slip up." Roxanne slammed her claws into the table and bared her teeth – what giant teeth she had – as her voice picked up. "I'll be there to pick up the fuckin' pieces again! And I won't fuck it up this time, d'you hear me, Twerp?! I ain't fuckin' losin' him to some no-named, full-blooded, weak runt of a bitch! Not again!"
"The fuck do you mean by 'Again'?" Loona asked as her brow furrowed. Roxanne snorted and pushed off of the table, jostling the coffee meant for Blitzø, Fatty and Millie. Nothing spilled, thank fuck, but it took a minute to settle.
"I've said all I fuckin' needed to. Don't fuck up, Twerp, because I'm fuckin' watching. Shit, all o' us horny bitches are watching you, 'Miss Lucky'." Loona scowled at that stupid fucking nickname that spread across Sinstagram – she had a fucking name! The fucking least that the posters could do was actually fucking look it up and tag her in that shit – and almost missed Roxanne's parting words. "I'm just the only bitch nice enough to give you a fucking warning. Enjoy the fuckin' coffee, Twerp. And remember...don't fuck up."
She watched The Rockstar leave Hothead's and get into her SUV with her two glowering bodyguards. She took note of the eyes – both demon and Hell-Eye alike – focused on her. She glared around at the patrons that were staring at her.
"The fuck are you assholes looking at? Show's fuckin' over." Loona spat and stood up from the booth. She slipped her cup into the carrying carton the I.M.P. coffee order was in and carried it in one hand. With the other, she pulled her Hellphone out and opened her contacts' most recent tab. The second option was opened and she pressed down on it. As she left the café with her phone pushed to the side of her head, she had Roxanne's words bouncing around in her head and bit down on her lip.
Don't go to voicemail, don't go to voicemail, don't go to voicemail–
A click picked up over the receiver. The smooth, gravelly voice that greeted her way back when they first met came over the line.
"Loona?"
"...Naruto." Loona muttered. She closed her eyes and felt her lip curl. "Finally decided to answer my calls again?"
(Earlier: Greed, Wild Things Facilitated)
Naruto looked at the picture on his phone with a scowl on his face. It was of a broken vial with a few words cropped over it.
(DoN't SkIp MeEtInGs! HeR dEaTh Is On YoUr HeAd!)
His lip curled. Hate swelled in his gut. He'd forgotten about the meeting that was arranged, as furious as the initiator made him for the acts they made against him. He was too preoccupied with waiting for Himawari and then Loona to wake up. For his grandfather to get back to him from a scouting mission. For Shikamaru to give him a report on why the first official line of Gluttony's defense against the occasional unlucky Human had gone missing.
Naruto may hate waiting, but he hated this son of a bitch a whole lot more. The threat that was this unknown individual needed to be dealt with. Violently. Painfully. A sledgehammer to the head would be too quick, too merciful. He'd geld the sorry bastard first, then let each and every member of his company – both sworn to him and not – peel his skin away. Millimeters at a time.
Hm, I wonder if there's a chemical that can be used to keep a human from bleeding out...
The screen shifted to an incoming call, tearing him away from the dark fantasy he'd conjured in his spare time before his first meeting after lunch. The screen depicted the picture of a naked, sleeping grey Wolf-like She-Hound cuddled up on his side, a half-eaten plate of pancakes just out of frame over the curve of her hip.
Loona.
Thoughts of vengeance and punishment on the Human that was adamant about making themselves out to be a target fled from his mind. He answered just after the second ring and sat back in his chair.
"Loona?"
"...Naruto." Well, she didn't sound too angry. Maybe he didn't fuck up too bad–? "Finally decided to answer my calls again?"
No, he fucked up.
"...Hey. Yeah, I uh..." He rubbed his face and swallowed his pride. "I fucked up."
"I already figured that out."
"I'm sorry." He sighed. "You didn't deserve to be ignored like that. And I know you didn't do anything wrong. What happened to Himawari–"
"Is she okay? I...Your uh...the bitch that's your Personal Assistant–"
"Pris."
"Right, her." Loona mumbled. "She let drop that Heema was poisoned...She okay?"
"We gave her the antidote last night. She was...it was touch and go." Naruto grumbled, lip curled and a growl clawed its way out of his throat. The poison's more devastating effects kicked in after she gave the sketch duo descriptions of the Humans that had been in contact with her. Had taken her. Had hurt her–Focus, Naruto. Hypothermia, retching, a hint of foamed saliva and an itchy, dulled coat troubled his poor puppy for three days and four nights before the antidote was finished. Nairod told him that if it had taken any longer...He shook his head. "She's recovering. Bruising went down the day after you woke up. Her voice is still weak."
"...Fuck...Shit, I..."
"Loona, you said it yourself, you were unconscious." Naruto mumbled. "You didn't know, you couldn't know what those fuckers were up to. What they did."
"I'm...Fuck, Naruto. It was just a bunch of fucking Humans!"
"I know." He grumbled. He closed his eyes and spun his chair away from the door. "And...What I'd wanted to know when you woke up, what I didn't ask about was for a breakdown of what happened. I just...I need your side of the story for our case."
"Case?"
"Humans push the boundaries all the time, but the few times they did shit like this? ...Demons have to present a case to the Sin in charge of the Ring the attack took place in in order to get permission to retaliate in long-term excursions. As low ranked as I am, I need to have someone with a name to take the hit if any of those Up Above try to butt in."
"Oh...Oh, shit, you mean you're going to tell–?"
"Of course I'm going to fucking go to Lucifer!" Naruto scowled. Did she really think he'd let this go without retaliating? Seriously? "Loo, those humans kidnapped both my puppy and my girlfriend. Yes, I'd go after these fucks for what they did to Himawari, but they also hurt you. I'm not letting that shit go unpunished."
"...Fuck." Loona breathed over the line. "I thought you...Shit, yeah, uh, I can tell you what happened. I mean, I told Jiraiya, but–"
"Wait, what? You told the Toad?" He frowned. "When?"
"Uh, a few days ago? Didn't he tell you?" His silence spoke in place of words. "He swung by I.M.P. and threatened Blitzø a bit. Roughed him up."
"...Sonova–! I'm going to kill that useless bastard. Stupid old pervert could've told me he got your fuckin' side of the story!" Naruto growled as he let his head roll back. Loona let out a soft sound over the line. He felt his lips pull up as his heated blood cooled. That was a sound he missed, almost as cherished as her very rare, quiet form of laughter. "I'm glad my rage amuses you."
"You sound like a puppy that can't catch his tail."
"Well if the stupid fuckin' thing would've stayed still, I would've caught it!" He grinned a bit as she let out another soft chuff.
"Six out of ten."
"How can you have such fucking high standards?" He shook his head when she let out an audible shrug. He drummed his claws on his desk and let his voice drop again. "I really am sorry, Loona. For snapping and ignoring you. That was...Well, in the words of a pretty hellhound I know: 'just fucking wrong'."
"I don't want to break up!" The rushed words practically gave him whiplash. What the fu–? Did she not hear a goddamn word he just said? Before he could get a word in, the rushed, almost panicked she-hound continued. "I don't–! The voicemail–I was just, you kept ignoring my calls and I was getting so fuckin' pissed–!"
"Oh, shit. Loo! Loo, baby, calm down." Naruto let out a relieved chuckle and rubbed the side of his muzzle with a sigh. Right, fuck, the voicemail she left. He kind of...didn't listen to it. Just read the synopsis and then...forgot about it? "Shit, I really fucked this up. I'm so, so fuckin' sorry...Do you want to swing around for dinner?"
"Tonight?"
"Tonight. Tomorrow. Whenever you want." He swiveled in his chair, the smile on his face threatened to split it. "You're always welcome and...Shit, you deserve an apology to the face." He pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. "...There's got to be a better way to say that."
"...Dammit, that one got me." Wai–Fuck, yes! Cute Loona Laugh obtained! He felt his tail start to wag as he listened to her gentle huffs of amusement. "Can you cover the Doomer?"
"Sure thing." His tail whipped about wildly. "And I'll make sure none of my Hounds try anything fucking stupid like Mitch and Pris did."
"Well, I mean, I'm not fuckin' opposed to more 'complimentary' makeup."
"...Really?" Naruto made a note of that, both in his head and actually writing it down on a scrap piece of–Oh, shit. He's gonna have to get Pris to print another copy of that. "You want us to just come pick you up instead?"
"...Yeah–Wait. You mean you and the Squirt, right?"
"Up to you." Naruto used his free hand to wake his computer up and started to type one-handed into a new search bar. She-Hound makeup couldn't be that hard to figure–Wow, no wonder she liked complimentary makeup. This shit had to be fuckin' robbery. "Pickle would probably like to see you again. Without a chain this time."
"I...I'd like to see her, too."
"Alright." He smiled a bit as he adjusted his phone to pinch it to his head with his shoulder while his other hand joined the research effort. "When do you want us to swing by and where?"
"Six? Uh, outside my apartment."
"Got it." Naruto paused for a moment and almost held his breath. He should tell her how much he missed this, missed her. He should. She deserved to hear it. "Loona, I..."
"...You?"
"I...We'll see you at six." He cursed himself for chickening out. Fucking bitch, Naruto. You're a pussy little bitch with a soft black heart.
"See you then...Babe."
The call ended and despite the small flare of self-depreciation, Naruto had a grin on his face and his tail continued to wag. He looked back at the web pages he pulled up and grimaced. Why was there so many kinds of makeup for Hellhounds? Did it really fucking matter? ...Nope, he's delegating this shit.
"Pris!" He pushed down on his intercom as he pocketed his phone. "Can you come in here for a sec? I need your help with something."
AN: If! It's love! And we're two birds of a feather and the rest is just whatever~!
Fuck, I hate-love that song. Such an annoying little earworm it is…
Thanks for reading–What? ...Steve's been sighted where?! ...Who the fuck is Ego?
Me, Myself, we need to deal with this guy. United as one–Oh, come on guys! I never get to make the impassioned hero speech!
Thanks for reading all