Akashi Seijuro didn't care about the piano at first. He could say he only liked it because his mother was the one that introduced it.
"Basketball…" Shiori said one day, smile was present on her face as she handed the orange ball to the boy that was in awe.
Seijuro had seen this kind of ball a lot of times in the TV, and in some books, but seeing it personally made him realize how big and heavy it was for his small hands.
Like always, Shiori was around, from the moment he learned how to dribble up to the moment he finally succeeded in taking a shot. Compared to the piano, he seemed more interested in basketball.
Gradually, he learned how it worked. Basketball was a game played between two teams of five players. It was interesting. It wasn't just about physical ability, but mental strength too.
He remembered feeling so much happiness and excitement even when it was just him and his mother. What more if he could find teammates to play with? Just imagining it thrilled him.
So he began practicing whenever he could. Shiori supported and cheered from behind. The strict schedules inside the house, the endless lessons and activities didn't seem so hard anymore because at the end of every dreadful activity was something that truly represented the word fun.
However, that was all temporary.
Suddenly, she was gone.
There was no one behind anymore. Even when he finally got teammates he thought had his back, he realized it was just another fleeting moment. Before he knew, they started moving forward. It was only a matter of time and he'd find his self alone again. Was it as inevitable as the death of his mother? Was there anything he could do? Must he watch in silence as the people he cared for leave one by one?
It felt like a slow but constant fear waiting to devour him. He didn't want to lose anyone anymore. What should he do to keep up with his teammates? What must be done for them to stay and be together like always?
'In this world, victory is all that matters.'
He lost the count of how many times he heard it from his father. So, was it the answer? He only needed to win in everything and it would be fine, was it?
When the voice that used to tell him what to do in order to move forward disappeared, who should he seek instead?
—Indeed, victory is all that matters.
And since when did it start? Since when did a voice that sounded like his own start whispering—talking, as if there was someone else inside him?
—Losers are denied. You only need to win.
If Shiori was alive, she wouldn't agree to that.
'Just have fun my dear. Don't worry about the rest.' She would definitely say that instead, but she was no longer here and his teammates were slowly leaving. Where could he get an answer? The uncertainty made him conclude one thing.
Ahh... perhaps the voice is right.
Winning was indeed everything. That way, if he had it, they would not leave and he would not have to be alone.
.
.
.
.
The most awaited final match began.
Everyone had already put their bets on Rakuzan High as the winner. It was inevitable given the reputation they held, especially the fact that it was Akashi Seijuro leading the team. He was, after all, the renowned captain of the generation of miracles and the uncrowned generals.
That was what everyone thought until they saw the same person they had so much faith on, fell on the floor. Akashi failed to block the shot of the opposite team causing him to lose balance, hence falling on his feet.
In turn, the whole gymnasium was in shock. It was, by far, the first time to witness the so-called emperor in such state of an almost defeat.
Nonetheless, the match continued. However, Akashi Seijuro was obviously moving differently. After that failed block, his passes and defense started failing one by one. Even a person that knew nothing about basketball could tell that he was suddenly off his game.
It was frustrating to watch. Hotaru, who was seated among the spectator at the upper deck of the gymnasium, didn't expect to see such scenario. Never in her imagination that this moment would happen. A part of her wanted nothing but to rush over that court, approach Akashi right away and ask what was going on.
The opposing team took the chance to equalize the game. Meanwhile, Rakuzan players were losing temper towards their captain's unusual behavior.
Akashi was obviously not in control of his own self and was all over the place.
Hotaru gulped, she knew she had to do something but what should it be? The situation inside the court, especially around Rakuzan players was getting out of hand.
Nebuya Eikichi was the first to break composure as he grabbed Akashi's collar. "Quit fooling Akashi! What's with that pass?!"
Nebuya was never the violent type. The situation was escalating into a serious problem. Their coach could no longer ignore. Immediately right after, Rakuzan called for a time out. It was exactly what they needed considering the current scenario between the two players.
However, despite the timeout, the coach was clueless. He didn't know what to do. Akashi was distracted and the whole team was affected. It went beyond his expectation—probably everyone's expectation, especially the people present at the gymnasium who personally knew him.
In fact, even the person himself—Akashi Seijuro, never predicted this.
—You're at your limit.
Akashi's eyes widened for a second.
There, he thought that voice was gone. He thought he successfully subdued it.
—Give up. You can't do it anymore.
No.. There's no way I will lose— I can't lose.
No one was speaking at Rakuzan's bench, no one dared to. All had their heads down, confused and worried. Despair was looming in. It was the final match and everyone was already tired to deal with unexpected situations such as this.
Until, Mayuzumi Chihiro, the person they least expected to do something, stood up and looked down at Akashi.
"What a disgrace."
No one knew which surprised them more, was it the very fact that Mayuzumi spoke or the words that left his mouth.
"Did you think we'd comfort you or cheer you up? We'd never do something like that. You made all those pompous statements, but this is all you've got? I can't believe that. You're nothing like the guy I first met at the rooftop."
Hotaru stood up, rushing to reach the railings to take a closer look on what was going on at Rakuzan's bench.
Hearing Mayuzumi spoke in that manner didn't surprise her anymore. She knew that trait of him already—straight to the point, not bothering to sugar coat anything. The situation had gone truly beyond her anticipation.
"More like, who the hell are you?" Mayuzumi followed.
The girl frowned. What was Mayuzumi saying? He did something she could never do towards Akashi. However, what caught her attention was that question. Who was he?—As if there was another Akashi Seijuro. She wondered if Mayuzumi knew something about the personality change that occurred few years ago.
It was unlikely, those two didn't know each other at that time. Was it a mere coincidence? Perhaps, just an assumption? Either way, that was one complicated question. Was it really the right course of action at this moment?
Mayuzumi and Akashi didn't share any bond or relationship to warrant a reason for such query. The Rakuzan sixth man was a mere co-player and member of the same club. He was not like others who would praise the redhead. From Mayuzumi's eyes, Akashi was just a random overly skilled freshman and nothing else. That moment, he was simply saying what must be said. This Akashi Seijuro was after all different to the one he met few months ago. He looked so vulnerable, far from the mighty persona of that time.
The unease captain widened his eyes. He wasn't exactly waiting to be asked by that, especially not from the mouth of a stranger. But somehow, hearing it stirred up his senses. Like a wake up call, he came to notice the other Akashi he hid in the deepest part of his mind and soul—completely alive and watching.
It was staring directly at him. Heterochromatic eyes met a pair of crimson eyes.
It made him question his self, on and on.
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Instantly, a whirlwind of memories came flashing on and on.
There was the deep and curt voice of his father saying 'Victory is all that matters', then suddenly it changed to the gentle humming of his mother from those early morning when he was still a kid, a constant gentle la la la la amidst a piano sound.
In a blink of an eye, the scenery changed again to the clumsy yet soft tune of the young Hotaru bugging him while he was studying.
Then it was his mother again. 'Have fun my dear.'
On and on it was coming randomly. The memories he had with his previous and current teammates were also there. It was like watching the past and it was becoming too much. He felt like he may not be able to keep up if this continued. Their voices were hovering at one another like a noise buzzing his ears. Until finally, they weren't saying anything, rather calling his name as their faces unveiled.
'Akacchin'
'Akashi'
'Akashi'
'Akashi-kun'
'Seichan'
'Seijuro-sama'
'Seijuro'
'Seijuro my dear.'
'My son.'
...
Mother
I...
—You are the embodiment of my weakness.
He blinked, suddenly the only voice left was his own.
—What created you was my desire for victory. Because that was what we are, as someone who was obliged to win from the day we were born.
—And because it was the only way to keep everyone.
—If I remain victorious, no one would leave.
—If I'm the strongest, they'd continue being with me.
—That was all, I thought I wouldn't lose anyone... anymore... if I had it.
—But now, I've come to understand. It's all nothing but absurd...
Shut up! You know nothing!
—Ah... You're right. I... indeed knew nothing at that time. I only wanted to keep everything as it was. I tried so hard to save it. I didn't know what else to do.
—That fear gave birth to my weakness, and that is you.
—It's fine now.
—Change is inevitable after all.
—Like us, everyone has a dream of their own. Therefore, it's okay. You don't always have to be in control.
—Set it free. It's about time to move forward.
—And say it... answer it... Who are you—no... who am I...
—Just who am I exactly?
...I ...who am I?
A lot had happened inside his mind in that short duration of time as if tons of rocks were simultaneously dropped upon him.
One thing was for sure, there was never another Akashi Seijuro. It was all him, as one. The realization awoke his senses. To that, he suddenly felt light, like that familiar morning in his childhood, he recalled. He finally accepted the existence of his weakness and recognized why it had to prevail.
Akashi Seijuro finally came back to his senses. His palms were the first thing he saw. It had stopped fidgeting. His breathing had stabled too as his mind felt free. There was no voice anymore, just his thoughts at the moment. The air was a bit chilly but he wasn't cold. His sweats were all over his back and forehead but he wasn't tired. He also noticed the floor, it was shiny, complimented by the well lit gymnasium. Then there was Mayuzumi's pair of shoes in front.
Right, he was being asked—Who is he?
Ah...
At last, he stood up, eyeing the third year.
"It's outrageous of you to ask who I am." A small smile was present on his relaxed face. "I'm Akashi Seijuro, of course." Regardless of what was happening or what happened, he only felt grateful to be standing in the gymnasium, playing the sports he had always loved, with teammates who shared the same goal and competing against a strong team.
This was what his Mother had been saying all the time. Have fun. Just have fun.
It had been so long but he must say he finally understood what those words meant. It was indeed fun.
The air around the Rakuzan bench lightened, though the 4 regulars were skeptical at first.
"W-Weren't you totally worn out until just a second ago? You sure you're okay?" Nebuya asked.
"I showed an unsightly side of myself, and for that, I apologize." Akashi bowed politely, an action that no one from the team imagined.
They were in disbelief but regardless, the match was still far from over. The coach was relieved to see that Akashi didn't break completely. He sighed and clasped his hand, taking their attention back. Hopefully, they would regain focus. The match must continue after all.
Above them, Hotaru doubted if what she saw and heard was for real. Akashi Seijuro apologized, not only that, but the aura around him was different yet familiar. She huffed. It didn't feel real but it was.
She bit her shaking lips, shifted her eyes to the only third year among the five Rakuzan players who was also in disbelief. He didn't seem to have planned it nor he knew about what happened. Just how did he do that?
Hotaru felt a lot of emotion but she wasn't sure which one overtopped it all. Though, one thing was for sure, she had been waiting for this.