She stood outside of his office door with two coffees in hand. Lucy had taken Noah to school for the first time since Shelia had kidnapped him. Being home with her son had been good. Mostly. He had been clingy, but then so had she. Last night had made it clear that they needed to get back into their routine. He needed to go to school and she needed to go back to work, before one of them killed the other.

In February, when she told Ed that she needed to focus on Noah, she had convinced herself that she didn't have the time or energy to give to their relationship, at least not to match his investment in their relationship. She told herself that Ed was a distraction from Noah. She told herself that their relationship was easy because it wasn't that serious; but when he told her he was thinking about putting in his papers she realized how serious he was about her.

The truth, she had learned, was that she was afraid of Ed's commitment to her. Ed had allowed her to spend more time with Noah not less. He had never once asked her to give up time with her son. He wanted to spend his free time being there for her and for Noah. So much so that he had gone out of his way to make sure that she could spend more time with him. After they had returned from Paris and he transferred from IAB, he would often relieve Lucy and get Noah ready for bed so when she got home, she could spend time with her little guy doing the fun stuff. He was another adult in Noah's life, who cared for him. She wanted that for her little boy. Badly. So much so that she allowed a woman into his life whose only desire was to take him away from her.

Maybe if she hadn't made him leave, maybe if she hadn't gotten scared, he would have been there to stop Shelia from stealing her son. Maybe if she had let herself accept his love and support, Noah wouldn't have stepped in front of that cab. Because he would have been there to hold her little boy's hand while she took the call from Fin. Noah wouldn't have gotten bruised. He wouldn't have told his teacher she gave him it to him. She wouldn't have been investigated. Shelia wouldn't have found them at all. She could go on believing that Ellie's parents were dead. Noah wouldn't have had yet another person, a biological relative, ripped from his life. Her little boy had already experienced so much loss. She had forced so much loss on her son.

Shelia's words, "You are always at work," played over and over in her head like a broken record. The truth was that she was working a lot. When she ended things with Ed, she started working more. To distract herself from her own loss, but also to avoid dealing with Noah's questions about when he was coming back. She had wanted to be a mom for over a decade and now she was screwing it up. Noah deserved better. Maybe she deserved better too.

So at some point this morning while she was applying her mascara, she decided she would swing by Ed's office. Maybe see if he wanted to take a walk. Maybe see if there was something there to salvage. Now as she stood outside of his office, she was scared. She was terrified of seeing the hurt and disappointment in his face. She was scared of having to confront her own actions, her own fears, her insecurities. She knew the moment she let Ed walk out of her apartment that night, she had made a mistake. And rather than deal with it, she threw herself into her work and look at everything that had happened since that faithful day.

But now that she was staring at the door to his office, she couldn't recall why she thought this was a good idea. She had work and so did he. It had been her decision to end things, why would he be willing to see her now. All these months later. She didn't deserve it. Putting all that aside, even if he agreed to see her to talk with her it's not like they could have this conversation now. This wasn't the time. Letting her fears get the best of her, she turned to leave and collided with someone dropping one of the coffees, which hit the floor and spilled splashing up on their pants.

"Shit." She said. "Ed…. Uh… I'm… I'm sorry."

He was startled and stared at her trying to get his bearings. "Uh… it's ok. I've got a spare suit in my office."

It was awkward. And the longer she stood there not speaking the more awkward it got.

"Liv, what are you doing here?" He asked slightly exasperated.

"I brought you a coffee," she said as she extended the coffee still in her hand to him. He was carrying some files and didn't really have a free hand. She slowly pulled her hand back to her. He continued to look at her baffled and annoyed. She supposed that he really did have work to do.

"Um… Ed, I… I'm… I don't know what I'm doing here." She told him softly as she stared at the floor. He still didn't respond.

"So, um, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go." She went to walk around him but he moved to block her way. Her eyes snapped up to his. What was he doing; did he get off on the awkwardness? This was a mistake, and now she needed to go home to get a clean pair of pants. While she planned on being late, she didn't want to miss the entire morning.

"I heard about Noah." He said quietly, "How is he doing?"

She knew that he'd heard about Noah, he'd help Fin and Barba track down the PI that Shelia had used to find Noah in the first place. He'd called Fin after he'd heard about the arrest to check in on Noah, to check in on her. When Fin had told her about the conversation, she was overwhelmed with awe and then with guilt. She had really fucked up this year.

"Uh, he's good. He's back in school. I'm going back to work." She said as she met his eyes. "I know that you helped, and I guess I wanted to say thank you."

"For what? You did great." His eyes sparkled recalling how she'd thanked him after getting out of that townhouse. She smiled at him.

"Ed, would you… could we… maybe take a walk?" His face fell. Her heart dropped into her stomach. God why was this so awkward? Why was all of this so hard for her? He had only ever showed up for her, and she shoved him away and now she couldn't even interact with him like an adult.

"Uh… I'm sorry." She said again for what felt like the hundredth time that morning, "I'm sure you have work. I'll" … "No," he interrupted her, "I mean, yes I do have work. I have a meeting in about 5 minutes."

"Ok," she responded barely above a whisper.

"Maybe, I can meet you this afternoon for a late lunch?" He suggested. His voice was hopeful, but his eyes were flooded with doubt. God, she had made such a mess for herself, but also for him. He deserved more than she gave him.

"Uh, yeah I think I can do that." She told him quietly. "I'm supposed to pick up Noah today."

"Ok, what about at that deli around the corner from his school?" He suggested. "We can meet about 2, and then you'll be close to pick him up on time?"

"Yeah, ok, I'll be there."

He nodded. "I'm sorry about your pants" She said again as she went to walk around him.

"It's ok. I really do have another suit in my office."

"Ok," she took a deep breath, "I'll see you at 2."

"I'll be there." He told her as he moved out of her way. He bent down to pick up the spilled coffee cup. She looked down at him apologetically, but it wasn't just about the spilled coffee. And he seemed to be able to read her mind. "Liv, it's ok. I'll be there. We can talk."

She nodded and blinked to clear the tears from her eyes. He ducked down to catch them, and she attempted to avert her gaze. "Hey, look at me," he asked her softly, "It's ok. I'm still here."

"I know." She told him.

"I'm going to go. I am going to be late to that meeting."

"Oh, right." She looked at him one last time before she walked down the corridor. She was determined to not look back. She didn't see him watching her retreat before ducking in to his office to change before his meeting. He knew he wasn't going to be able to focus for the rest of the day. And even though she had broken his heart, he saw today that she'd shattered her own heart the night she ended it. He didn't want that for her. If she was opening the door again, he wasn't going to hesitate walking through it.