(A/N): I had worked on both "Renewal False Faith" and "Change of Heart" as one single chapter, but ended up splicing it. Little work needed to be done, aside from a little polish.

Enjoy! Happy New Year's! :D

Chapter 11

~Change of Heart~

Yuna sinks to her knees, feeling too exhausted to stand. 'What am I even doing?'

While she hides inside a hole, covering her eyes and ears while the world outside burns, there are others willing to risk their lives to face Sin. Yet she cannot stop thinking about him, spying him in her mind's eye, sensing his breaths explode inside his lungs while he sprints through winding corridors, slicing through Sinscale-infested courtyards; experiencing his panic and adrenaline as if they were flowing in her bloodstream. She wills him to forge on, tugging on the invisible thread that tethers their bond, unable to comprehend this impossible connection even after one year.

'Yuna, I'm coming for you, wait for me―'

That single, repetitive thought echoes in her mind, compounding her anxiety and uncertainty. How is she supposed to face him after three months? They haven't seen each other since Tidus departed Besaid in the guise of training for the blitzball season. Yuna tried so hard to let him live his own life, to be surrounded by people who would come to cherish him, leaving a piece of him in their memories, hoping that he would fail to see the sorrow and hopelessness in her dull hollow eyes.

Yuna waited for the day Bevelle would host the next blitzball tournament, so she could look forward to his return— victorious or in low spirits, it did not matter either way, because in the end, she would be ready. She waited long enough, torn between indecision and despair until she finally came to accept the reality of her own powerlessness. She thought about it many times: walking hand-in-hand into the sea off the coast of Besaid's sunlit golden beach, drowning in the warm waters where they first reunited. Falling inside the circle of each other's embrace, into the chasm of the Cloister, the chamber where they first met, before reawakening in the Farplane as twin stars—

She ran out of excuses to explain Tidus's constant, random disappearances, her growing desire for solitude. A narcoleptic by day, an insomniac by night. Every time Yuna started cooking a meal, she always dozed off, startled awake by the acrid smoke of blackened food, at risk of dying inside a burning ger, crushed beneath the weight of a collapsed roof. She would even doze off at the watering hole while bathing, startled awake an hour or two later by her need for air, a vicious piranha bite, a concerned villager―

"Where's your man? He just left you here pruning all by your lonesome?"

She tires of pretending, of smiling to mask the pain, the exhaustion, the emptiness. Her deteriorating condition had forced her to keep precautions in place (before her departure from Besaid, forced to end her self-imposed isolation). A water pail always full, pockets full of potions and ethers to mend her everyday bruises and fiend-incurred wounds— a dozen excuses at the ready, and a hundred more just to fool Lulu. Even Rikku stopped coming by soon after the Iutycyr Tower mission, fed up with her constant excuses to remain holed up in Besaid, duty-bound to appease the matrons who raised her since her arrival in Besaid thirteen years ago.

'Oh. We still haven't... apologized to each other, yet...' Yuna smiles, rueful. 'I should see her... one last time...' And Paine. Uncle Cid. Kimahri. The Gullwings. Brother and Buddy. Shinra, too, and LeBlanc… All her friends from around the world. There are too many people to count, to apologize to, to say goodbye—

"Everyone... I'm sorry..."

"Yuna!"

Someone bursts into the room, and she rises to her feet, losing all oxygen in her lungs. He's here.

Everything she had planned to say evaporated into thin air, torching her resolve to ash as soon as Tidus embraces her, squeezing the wind out of her. He's here. He feels warm and alive and real, no less solid than any other. She breathes him in, allowing herself to forget. Not even death or the Fayth can tear them apart. Their love allows this magic to exist—

"Yuna? What're you doing here?!"

"I…"

"It's dangerous here! Didn't you see? Sin is here! It came back―."

"I know. That's why… I'm here." She drops her head to snuggle his shoulder and sighs, too tired to argue. "I came back for you."

"Yuna…" Tidus softens his grip, stroking her shoulders, nestling her long hair.

As much as she wishes to stay in this moment forever... they can't stay here. There are people looking for them, waiting for them to act, to confront Sin, and so Yuna forces herself to pull back, conscious of the tension in the air, the echoes of combat and gunfire exploding in the background. She touches his chest, feeling anxious. "Are you alright? You're not… hurt?" Yuna inspects him now, looking for the 'wound' that Chuami mentioned, concerned by the absence of his shirt, his frayed sleeves. He doesn't look or feel any different...

Yuna purses her lips into a deep frown, frustrated. Did that girl lie to her just to trick her into coming here? How could she have been so gullible—?

"Ah, no." He flashes her a meek smile, rubbing the back of his head. "Anyway, that's not important. We can't stay here. We should go―."

"Go where? If Sin came back… nowhere is safe. Don't you see? There's no place safe for us…"

"Then… what should we do?"

She falls silent, lowering her arms, shuffling back, and so does he, projecting doubt and uncertainty like two mirrors trapped in perpetual reflection. Yuna swallows, fumbling with her thoughts. "I should stay here. No… I have to. I must… I must defeat Sin. You… You can't stay. Go home, back to Besaid, or… wherever you want. Just… stay away from Bevelle. Wait for me. I'll take care of things―."

He shakes his head. "You don't have to worry about me. I want to stay with you. I'll protect you."

"No… I… I won't let you." Yuna wracks her brain, panicking.

Sin changes everything. If his father, Sir Jecht, returned as well, then Tidus would dive back into Sin to try and rescue him, be ripped away from her in the process, and she might not be able to Summon him anymore. Anything can happen. Her unblinking vision starts to blur as her head pounds from fear and adrenaline. 'I know now what I must do. To protect him, I must…'

"Unlike me, you can do whatever you want. It must be tiring for you, to be with someone like me. I have so many duties and responsibilities, and... I can never place you first." Her mouth trembles, but Yuna fights to still her breaking heart. She must convince him that she no longer cares for him, that there are others who can love him in ways she can't— and so she must push him away. "I'm sure there are others who want to be with you."

"What does that mean?" He sounds hurt and confused, stricken by the accusation in her words, but she presses on.

"You have that girl, so…"

She tries to sound jealous, to act resigned to the fact, even though she does feel jealous. Yuna envies the woman who enjoys blitzball almost as much as he does, who enjoys letting loose and having fun and partying after every game. They've become so close, she even invites him over to sleep off his buzz and hangovers at her apartment. Although nothing ever escalates between the two, Yuna senses the spark of attraction and wishes she possessed an ounce of Marphie's free spirit.

"I told you, Marphie is just a friend."

"Really…?" She probes him, hoping to root out his genuine feelings without force-feeding him her own.

"Come on, Yuna, if you just think for a minute…"

"I can't… think…" Yuna falters, losing the energy, the confidence that she can pull this off.

"You're not yourself!"

"Yeah, something's… wrong with me. I didn't think this would…" 'Be so hard,' she doesn't say, weary. "I'm sorry."

"...as long as you're aware of it." Tidus reaches out to touch her, and she forces herself to pull away, shrugging off his hand.

Hurt flashes in his blue eyes, bewildered by her cold shoulder, and she averts her gaze before the guilt can consume her, gnawing at her conscience. She knows he wishes to comfort her, but... it's impossible. Tidus will never understand, because he can never learn the root cause of her silent suffering. He would disappear if she ever dared to confide in him the truth. The cycle never ends. Her mouth trembles as she speaks, forcing herself to reinforce the bitter lie.

"No, that's not what I mean. I'm sorry, but… I'm no longer looking at you."

Yuna experiences his pain as if it were own. Her words pierced his phantom heart like shards of broken glass, gouging him wide open to expose the bleeding wound; it takes all of her willpower to maintain the wool over his eyes, to resist giving up the ghost, committing herself to this stupid, pathetic farce. She knows he wants to deny it, to fight for her, but she denies him the chance, staunching his desire to argue.

"...What?"

"I think… I'm in love with someone else."

The words spill forth from her lips without thought or effort, unconvincing even to her own ears— 'What am I saying? Nobody will believe that'— and yet she wills him to believe her out of desperation, because she can't afford to take those words back.

"Uh… who?"

"Someone you don't know," she says, her tone sharp and dismissive.

Yuna had nobody in mind when she spouted those damning words, so why does Shuyin come to mind? And Lenne, and the memory of that stupid night where she and Rikku put together a silly little concert for all their family and friends aboard the Celsius deck. Yuna recalls how she sang her heart out to mask her whirling anxiety, burning with jealousy over the name of some girl Tidus might have loved in a past life, in his Zanarkand. Before she knew the truth about Shuyin the Unsent, a man who once existed in the original Zanarkand, who stole his image and embraced her in the body of a stranger.

She thinks of Baralai for a split second, and feels sick to her stomach. 'That's right. I have to face him, too. He's been trying to contact me all this time.'

"Let me meet him, then." His voice sounds so kind and gentle, apologetic, and she resents him for it.

Yuna fights a war within herself she knows will never end for as long as she lives, thinking of him in her every waking hour, hopeless to contain her grief and mourning. Three years have passed, and she still can't leave him behind― in the past or the Farplane, preferring to reconstruct him from the shared memory than watch him fade away. 'Don't try to be happy for me, be angry, be strong― for me― I can't do this alone, I can't lose you again, please stop looking at me like that―.'

She turns away, unable to handle the sorrow and confusion shining in his downcast eyes, the utter heartbreak that reflects her own.

"I'm sorry…"

Yuna knows she shouldn't have the power to control him, to influence his decisions, his subconscious thoughts and emotions a mirror reflection of her own, but she also knows the true Tidus would never accept her words at face value or let himself be swayed by her fatalistic ideology. He would much rather fight to the bitter end, holding onto hope for a brighter future where everyone comes out alive and happy. An impossible fantasy.

She tires of fighting, of jumping into the unknown, afraid of what else— or whom— she must be forced to lose. She already lost her Aeons, they won't return unless possessed to do so, and she already lost Tidus twice before, first to the fleeting dream, second to the cruel world. 'I can't lose him again... Not again, not again...! I have nothing else to give— Please let me go—'

She walks away first, knowing he won't chase her so long as she wills it.

"...What are we waiting on now?!"

They must have waited for at least thirty minutes in tense silence before Chuami finally snapped. She bolted before either man could stop her, disappearing into the direction where Sir Tidus departed. Sir Wakka shook his head in disapproval, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Although accustomed to her random outbursts, Kurgum blushed, embarrassed by her unprofessional display, and bowed, dismissing himself with an apologetic smile before jogging after her, mindful of the temple rules, internalizing his complaint.

He eventually found her pressed up against a door, spying the murmurs of familiar voices. Horrified by her impropriety, he remembered to keep his voice down. "Chuami! That room is…"

"Shh!" She pressed a finger to her lips to shush him, and his face reddened in anger, astounded by her nerve.

"Uh, Chuami, it's not polite to eavesdrop!"

"Don't tell me you're not curious about what the High Summoner and the superstar are talking about." She rolled her eyes, brushing off his scolding tone.

He sighed, unable to argue when she appealed to his sense of curiosity.

"What does that mean?"

Now, Kurgum straightens in place, taking one step back, and then another, all the pieces falling into place. 'I understand now—'

"Kurgum, this is unreal. Un-real." Chuami exclaims in a harsh whisper, interrupting his thoughts. "The world is about to end, and she's having a spat!"

'No… It's more than that.'

He stops to think about how Lady Yuna retired in Besaid after she brought forth the Eternal Calm. For two years, she avoided the public eye, receiving all manner of solicitors from across Spira who sought her counsel, hounded by officers from both the Youth League and New Yevon to join their factions. Until her first concert performance in Luca, and her first interview on live telesphere a couple weeks later, sporting a dramatic makeover alongside her Al Bhed cousins as a sphere hunter.

"Rumor has it you left the island looking for clues about a certain young man. Anything you can share with us?"

"That's right. It's a long story…"

Her live concert at the Thunder Plains featured a sphere projection of a tragic love story between star-crossed lovers during the Machina War, gunned down by a dozen Bevellian soldiers. The phantom songstress that appeared beside her looked so much like Lady Yuna, and that blonde man seen operating the colossal war machina resembled the star blitzballer who washed ashore on Besaid, claiming to hail from the mythical city, Zanarkand, becoming famous after carrying the Aurochs to victory in the blitzball tournament. Although various accounts claimed that Lady Yuna had six Guardians on her pilgrimage, only Sir Tidus and Sir Auron were absent during the speech High Summoner Yuna delivered in Luca.

"Would you be able to choose someone you loved and cared about to become the Final Aeon? Because that's what Lady Yunalesca asked of every Summoner who reached Zanarkand. The Final Aeon required a Fayth created from a Summoner's bond with their chosen Guardian—"

Sir Wakka's words echo in his head, as well as Lady Yuna's fierce, anguished declaration—

"No one has the right to violate this reunion. Not me, not the Council."

"Only a Summoner and the Final Aeon can defeat Sin."

History repeats itself, proving that Summoners are destined to lose the person they love most, in some way, shape or form, if they do not end up dying alongside their chosen Guardian first. Even though Lady Yuna had defeated Sin and survived, she still had to pay the ultimate cost. In order to fight Sin once more, she must be forced to lose him again. No wonder she lost faith in her own power, quick to call upon the very tradition she overturned, burdened by a moniker now proven false.

If Kurgum reconvenes with Chancellor Baralai and Lady Ilyria, he will no doubt be required to engage Sin as a Sender, dragging Chuami along with him. They may perish in the line of duty. The cycle never ends— and he feels powerless.

"...uh, why on Spira are you crying, Kurgum?" Chuami steps back from the door, concerned by his sudden tears.

Chuami... She never wanted to join the Spiran Council. She hates politics with a passion, yet she hungers for vengeance after what the Yevoner hunters did to her mother, to hundreds of poor and innocent people. And he had been the one to suggest it despite Baralai's explicit disapproval, expressing worry that her anger would only misguide her.

"If you become an officer and travel Spira, you'll get the opportunity to protect people from the Faythless."

Yes, it's his fault. He should've never dragged her into all this.

"Chuami, I'm sorry." He sniffles, wiping his red eyes, scrounging what meager strength and courage within himself to follow Lady Yuna's example. In order to protect the woman he loves most, he must lie, too. "I'm in love with Lady Yuna. That's why… I can't be with you. I'm sorry."

"Say what, now? Since when is our relationship like that? What's going on here?!"

Her words of vocal consternation make him wince, ringing in his ears, confirming what he always suspected and ultimately feared. Chuami never harbored romantic feelings for him. He knew that, but instead of accepting it, Kurgum found comfort in Baralai's company instead. Despite the salacious rumors and gossip that slandered their consecrated relationship, his kindness and modest affection never failed to soothe his deep-seated insecurity and heartache.

"If it's not like that, then it's fine." He sighs, attempting to compose himself.

'You're important to me, whether or not you feel the same. I want to protect you in the only way I know how. Let me prove myself―'

"Yes, let's say goodbye here. We each have to go our separate ways."

"Kurgum?" She faces him now, dropping her arms, wary of his solemn words.

"You can't understand, Chuami. Only Summoners can."

She always hated those words, because they always reminded her of a time they were willing to let their friendship die out of pure stubbornness and self-righteous pride. For six long months, the awkward arctic air festered between them— until Baralai returned from the front lines alive and Lady Yuna brought the Eternal Calm. Although the ice melted since then, the glacier born from their resentment still dwells below the surface, and so he watches anger twist the confusion on her face, bracing himself for the impact.

"Ahh, and there it is! The doomsday statement!"

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever!"

True to expectation, Chuami pivots on her heel, and Kurgum watches her dash away, spurned by her brisk dismissal, her boots clicking in the corridor until it fades in the distance. He holds his fingers over his heavy heart, consumed by doubt and uncertainty. 'Did I make the right choice?' He wonders what she will do now that Sin has returned, even though an envious part of him already knows the answer.

Startled by the sudden swing of the door, Kurgum jumps, watching Lady Yuna emerge from the room with downcast eyes.

She blinks, confused by his presence. "...you're alone?"

"Um, y-yeah..." Kurgum shuffles in place, avoiding her eyes. "I sent Chuami away... We'll be acting separately from here on out."

"Oh... Is that so?" She pauses, distracted.

Before she can say anything more, a lieutenant bursts into the corridor with a flamethrower in hand, startling them both. He must have been on his way outside to defend the temple entrance from Sinspawn. "Kurgum? Is that you? What're you still doing here? Chancellor Baralai issued the order― All Senders are to report to the docking station immediately! We need every officer capable of banishing Sin atop the Palace of Light!"

"S-Sir, yes, sir!" Foregoing the salute, Kurgum dashes for the airlift, focusing his wayward heart.

"We must head for the Star Tower!"

Yuna never ventured this deep into the temple complex before, at least not through the rear entrance of the courtroom. Once outside, she squints against the harsh burst of sunlight, overwhelmed by the sound of trilling gunfire, roaring magic, and shrieking pain from both man and fiend. The temple gardens have become a war zone infested with Sinspawn as Warrior Monks and mages alike clear the fountain courtyard, allowing for Yuna and the others to progress unimpeded with relative ease.

As they cross paved roads surrounded by aisles upon aisles of countless storage buildings, Yuna starts to feel dizzy, wondering when the labyrinth will end. Kurgum leads them into narrow alleyways whenever they hit obstructed points, crossing another courtyard, past gymnasiums, workshops, dojos, and tea rooms until they finally reach an ornate building, and Kurgum vaults left, catching himself on exhausted, clumsy feet.

Wakka hovers close, concerned by his ashen, sweating face, and she stops to peer up at the spires of Bevelle surrounding them. They are still standing despite how they tremble from Sin's approach. A good sign as any, but for how long— the earth shakes all of a sudden, silencing her thoughts just as broken alabaster smashes into the temple's crimson-turquoise dome, cracking it open like a raw egg spilling forth. They brace themselves, crying out into shock, stumbling from the impact that reverberates throughout the compound, and start running again, evading the debris flitting past between colonnades and winding corridors.

Once the earthquake settles, they feel safe enough to slow down into a walking's pace, eager to conserve their strength.

"Is there anything we can do to help?"

"I… I don't know. Even though you're the High Summoner, only Senders are authorized to Send. Perhaps when you meet with Chancellor Baralai... He can tell you, but... I think... because he's ordered all Senders... to reconvene at the highest point of Bevelle... he's with Lady Ilyria right now..." Kurgum rasps in between harsh gasps for breath, winded by his exhaustion, his lack of stamina. "She's… the Head Coordinator of the Senders... Maybe they managed to come up with an emergency countermeasure for Sin…"

Wakka finally straightens from his knees, exhaling in frustration. "How far is this place?"

"The Star Tower… is just past this point..."

Kurgum collapses against a nearby wall now, shutting his eyes to focus on the simple act of breathing, for which she and Wakka are grateful, eager to rest and recover some modicum of energy. After a long moment of tense reprieve, he detaches from the cool stone with a heavy sigh and straightens in place, clearing his throat. Then, he claps his face twice between his trembling palms, startling them both.

"Okay, I'm ready! Let's go―."

She can't help but smile, fondness warming her chest as she resigns herself to follow, because she can imagine him doing the same, psyching himself up before a practice game. She liked to stop him from jumping in the water until she gave him a "good luck" kiss, holding him close, hoping to ease his nerves as well as her own. She prayed for Tidus to return to shore with a lighter heart, yearning to see his grin burst at the seams― 'like the old you,' like when he helped the Besaid Aurochs win their first blitzball tournament after thirteen years of spectacular losses. Now, he can't even hold his breath for two minutes despite the fact he trains everyday, unable to recover his true strength from before their reunion, the night of Sin's defeat.

And he never will, because nobody holds the power to rewind time, not even the Fayth.

'I'll return to you, I promise― Let me beat Sin again for Spira, and then we can leave this world behind.'

They all wait inside the elevator now, sweating and out of breath, watching the world shrink outside the thick, tempered glass. Yuna sighs, disoriented by their rapid ascension hundreds of feet into the air, gripped by deja vu. She rode this very elevator on her wedding day with Seymour, a man so wretched and vile she wanted to retch into his disgusting mouth the moment he kissed her, violated by his forceful embrace on public telesphere. She would happily march towards death a thousand times over than relive the humiliation of their sacred vows in front of all her Guardians held at gunpoint— in front of him, the man she loved—

"Even after I am gone, Spira's sorrow will prevail…" His last words inside Sin and Its garden of pain haunt her still, dancing in the shadows cast by the passing window panes. Once they reach the summit, Wakka barrels through the automatic door, clearing the path and the dark direction of her thoughts. Kurgum stumbles after him, falling further behind while Yuna pushes herself to keep pace.

She spots a distant figure flanked by at least two dozen of his robed officers, recognizing him by the flutter of his platinum hair and green uniform. Baralai wears the official crest of the Spiran Council on the back of his bolero jacket, a golden phoenix that ripples in the sunlight, shifting in gentle shadow cast by the white clouds drifting overhead. He presses a fist over his heart, the customary soldier salute, maintaining his solemn stance long after they have boarded their designated aircraft. The ombré ribbons of his vermillion-orange double bow billows in the gales of the ascending vehicle, and he finally drops his arm, striding forward, climbing the ramp of another on standby.

Kurgum increases his pace, shouting his name. "Baralai―! Chancellor Baralai!"

He halts in mid-stride and swerves around. His eyes connect with his for a moment, squinting in confusion, before they look her way, his resolved expression melting into one of slack-jawed surprise. He skips down the ramp at once, breaking out into a light sprint, and she pushes her legs to run faster, desperate to eclipse the sound of her pounding heartbeat.

Yuna never expected their reunion to play out like this— maybe in the refurbished walls of his office, as clean and controlled as the soft-spoken man who occupies it, surrounded by officers and councilors alike who judge their every word and action while exchanging polite smiles and shallow pleasantries. Now, she must look delirious in her panic, and so does he— another violent rumble rocks the bridge, and she stumbles, scraping her palms and numb knees. She looks up for a split second, disoriented, seeing Wakka trip over his sandals ahead of her, hearing Kurgum give a startled shout far behind her, the crack of Baralai's voice—

"Watch out! Behind you―!"

A large, colossal shadow looms over the ground she kneels on, swallowing her tiny frame in its titanic girth.

Yuna dares to look back, dread lodged in her gut as Sin emerges from behind the skyline of steeples and spires, tearing through glass, steel, and stone with a heavy wave of Its massive dorsal fin. Scattered debris tears through the elevated airport, crumbling bridges, the decorated altar. While Wakka struggles to regain his bearings, Baralai barrels past him, slapping his shoulder, casting white light to envelop his body, before teleporting him on top of a rising metal platform. He tumbles inside the last remaining aircraft taking flight, disappearing behind its closing threshold.

She sighs, her relief short-lived once she notices the ornate bridge begin to crumble behind her, concrete and alabaster plummeting into the city streets below, overtaking Kurgum first in his paralyzed fear. She scrambles to her feet, stumbling, picking herself back up, hopeless to outpace the speed of its collapse, and soon she feels the ground disappear from beneath her feet.

"Lady Yuna!"

She reaches out to him as he screams her name, Sin's underbelly eclipsing the sky.