He got the news only a few hours after it happened, the condensation from his iced coffee clinging to his fingers like a guilty secret as he stared out the window of the bustling London cafe, the vibrant street scene a stark contrast to the grey ache in his chest.

He'd seen it only moments ago and his brain was still struggling to accept it, but one look back down at his Instagram feed and his mobile screen was still filled with it.

Joe was engaged. To Mo, his lovely, intelligent, and undeniably perfect girlfriend, Mo. Mo who, regrettably, wasn't him. Wasn't Harry. It was simple, but it had the impact of a sledgehammer as Harry stared at it, a picture of Mo's hand, sparkling with a delicate, vintage-looking ring, followed by a simple, joyful: "She said YES!"

Of course he'd replied instantly, throwing on as much genuine excitement as he could muster under the post as their coworkers already had. "Congratulations, Joe! That's amazing news! So happy for you both!" He'd even added a string of celebration emojis. He'd hoped, naively, that sending it would trick his own heart into feeling the joy he so desperately wanted to feel.

Even 20 minutes later, the emojis still felt hollow and the enthusiasm he'd put in the wording still rang false. In all truth, he was crumbling on the inside and the only spectators were him and central London who were none the wiser.

It wasn't like he hadn't had some blame in this. Most likely his own worst critic was himself with how it was going before this. It wasn't love at first sight, but to his credit, he'd fallen for Joe slowly, subtly, like a soup simmering away on a stove top. He'd admired his creativity, his dedication and his ability to connect with people.

He also loved how Joe's eyes lit up when he tasted something truly remarkable, how he could describe the nuances of a dish without batting an eye - basically, there were a lot of niches to love about Joe that he didn't think anyone else saw. Not anyone on the Food Insider team, not their shared friends, some fans even missed the mark, but not him.

He knew the truth, however, when Joe introduced him to Mo not long after they met. He knew, almost fittingly, that his feelings were one-sided. Joe, with his easy charm and open heart, was good friends with everyone. It was one of his best traits. Harry, obviously, had no reason to believe there was anything more, or really, that there could be anything more.

Then Mo came along, and Harry knew, definitively, that his quiet hope that the older man might be able to look him in the eye and possibly love him in that way, was nothing more than a foolish fantasy and god, did that fucking hurt. Just like the guilt he was feeling right now, chipping away at what was left of his heart.

He told himself it was for Joe's happiness. He told himself he was being a good friend, that what he wanted to believe - that was what he had to believe. All that was completely thrown away now he was on his own. The truth, sharper than any kitchen knife, pierced him now: he was deeply, irrevocably in love with Joe and he could officially do nothing about it.

He opened his eyes after shutting them quickly to keep tears at bay, the lane and the peoiple milling around outside becoming blurry and smudged asa he wiped away the residue with the back of his hand before reaching for his phone again, taking a deep beath and letting the cold air sting his lungs as he scrolled through photos on his phone - candid shots of Joe laughing, a stray lock of hair falling across his forehead.

Each one felt like a tiny stab to the heart. He had to pull himself together.

He had to pull himself together.

Quickly as the last, he drafted another text, this one more genuine, more vulnerable, sent straight to Joe's mobile number so he didn't miss it when it bounced over the time zones to him in New York. "Hey Joe, congrats man. So incredibly happy for you and Mo. Seriously. Let's celebrate soon. Drinks are on me next get-together when I'm back in the States."

He hated how the words felt like lead in his fingers, which practically burned as he pressed keys on the on screen keyboard. He wanted so desperately to be the supportive friend, but the truth was, he was heartbroken and thankfully, the older man would never see it.

He would just have to learn to live with the knowledge that the man he loved was marrying someone else and not him. Looking down at his iced coffee, which was now completely melted, he just sighed.

"I really thought I could be happy for you." Harry had to whisper so that no one around him would hear, though it seemed like the sound of his heart breaking was louder than words.

"I'm sorry that I loved you too."