Episode Summary: Whatever You Do, Don't Open That Door! - It's Science Fair time but Fids and Ford have some time before the judges see their work. While waiting Cooper and Bug reveal the legend about Mysterious outhouses that are popping up all over town. Intrigued and with time to kill, the kids set off to solve the mystery. What are these doors and more importantly where do they lead? Meanwhile Clones#3 and 4 come back to claim what's "rightfully theirs''! What madness will they unleash?

Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.

Author's Notes: Good Morning my amazing readers! I know it's been 5 months since I posted this series so I thought this story could use some love. With that said, I hope you are all as excited about this episode as I am! It was inspired by the book Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirates Treasure. Now I know the book is non-canon, but Alex reveals that the part where Dipper and Mabel meet the Axolotl is! So I took some creative liberties to add the encounter into the series. PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THIS EPISODE! It has a big pay off later on in the series!

As always, thank you for reading and please review!

Portal-Potty? (Part 1)

(Back with Ford)

This was it; weeks of planning and testing had led them to this moment.

"Alright now all we need to do is initiate the force necessary to start it off." Fids said nervously.

Ford took a deep breath; they had already tested their perpetual motion machine several times during their testing phase at the diner. However, now that they were in the high school gym setting up their final display, he was nervous. His greatest fear was that something would go wrong and cause the machine to stop. It was a likely outcome; one rock of the display table could exert enough force to stop the machine in its tracks.

This was why Fids had borrowed some cones from the sheriff department to close off the area, giving their display a two-foot diameter. This would discourage any accidental bumps and increase their chances of success.

Ford places their project in front of their presentation board on the table before he exerts the necessary force to start up their machine. Their perpetual motion machine begins to spin and continues at a steady pace. Both Fids and Ford signed in obvious relief, they had done it!

"And they said it couldn't be done!" Ford declared.

"Guys this is so neat." Susan praised as she and the others crowded around.

Ford smiled; all his friends had come to see their project. Wow he never thought he'd think such a thing, but it was true. Everyone was here, even Cooper!

"Really? Cause I don't see the point." Stan said as he munched on some pork grins.

"It's nerd stuff, what's to get?" Cooper asked.

Ford tried not to roll his eyes. Stan was usually known to be rude when it came to his 'nerd stuff' but it was actually his snacking that was grinding on his nerves. Stan had started buying the pork rinds at the convenient store in town and he kept leaving the wrappers everywhere in the shack! From their bedroom to the bathroom and even the gift shop; much to Mabel's dismay.

"It's a machine that creates constant motion, Stan." Ford explained. "The potential for energy is limitless. Imagine a windmill that doesn't need a breeze to help produce energy-"

"You lost me at potential Poindexter." Stan admitted.

Ford rolls his eyes.

Heather gives him a hard nudge with her elbow. "Well, I think it's really cool." She admitted. "A lot of people here have stupid baking soda volcanos." She gestured to the competition. "The whole point of science is to improve on and understand life."

Ford smiled, he liked that Heather respected science, even though she wasn't much of a nerd herself.

"I still think the Stan 'O' War is better." Stan remarked. "No offense bro."

"The Stan what?" Cooper asked.

"It's our dream boat." Ford explained. "One day, we're gonna set sail and fight monsters and hunt for treasure."

"All while leaving a trail of broken hearts." Stan added proudly.

Cooper snickered. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"You'll be singing a different tune when we're rich and famous!" Stan boasted.

"Sorry I'm late." Bud huffed as he ran over. "Bonnie was doing everything she could to keep me from leaving."

"She just doesn't give up, does she?" Cooper asked.

"You have no idea." Ford warned. "She tried to brainwash Stan as a distraction so Bud could date Heather."

Cooper suddenly gives Bud the evil eye.

"Yeah, still not proud of that." Bud admitted. "I just wish Bonnie would be as accepting as you guys. I know it took some time for you to believe I changed for the better, but she just won't! She says that growing a heart is bad for business."

Stan laughed. "Sounds like Bonnie." He agreed.

"I hope I didn't miss much." Bud added.

"Nope the science fair is a three-day event." Fids explained. "The judges will walk the gym and score a team on their presentation as well as their project as a whole. Then they'll tally up scores, but we won't know the results until the end."

"The very end." Fids sighed. "We are at the end, our Presentation is last, Ford!"

"I know we should have come earlier but it was busy, someone could have knocked our project." Ford argued.

Stan winced this project had both the nerds on edge, and he wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Any exciting guests coming for the event?" Heather asked, hitting the root cause of their nervousness right on the head.

"West Coast Tech is scouting for bright young minds for their Junior Science Program that starts this Fall." Fids revealed. "One of the judges runs the program and he's hinted at offering a spot to the winners."

"Oh, that's awesome! How long is the program?" Susan asked.

"Six weeks." Ford admitted giving his brother a nervous look.

"You knew about this and didn't say anything!" Stan looks hurt and rightfully so. The two had always done everything together and the fact that Ford was planning to leave him out of something…well it hurt.

"Ma and Pa probably wouldn't let me go." Ford tried to lessen the blow. The truth was he would really like the opportunity and was secretly wishing he'd be selected. He loved his brother, and hated parting from him, but it was only six weeks. It wasn't like he is moving there and never coming back, no it was just a little over a month. Still, it was right at the start of the school year and their parents may not see the value in the program. "I didn't think they'd let me, but it would still be cool for Fids to go." He added, shifting the focus off of him.

Stan seemed to relax. "Oh yeah I bet your dad would be super proud."

Fids smiled; his dad had always encouraged his dreams in the world of science.

Ford tried his best not to appear jealous; sometimes he wished Stan were more supportive of him and what he wanted. He understood his fears of abandonment to an extent, there Pa was never impressed, and Ma was a perpetual liar. Such traits meant they only really had each other, or at least that's how it used to be. However, things had changed; now they had Heather, Susan, Fids, Cooper, and Bud. They were no longer alone and still Ford felt like Stan held on just a little too tightly at times. It was like he was petrified that he would never come back.

Like Ford would actually choose to leave his brother forever. He knew it was a childish fear but telling Stan that would do him no good, so he tried to ignore it.

"Well, we've done all we can to keep it going." Fids said, looking at his clipboard of notes. "The judges most likely won't see ours today."

"Is that going to be a problem?" Heather asked.

Ford shrugs as he sets up the video camera on a stand before pressing play, this one belonged to Fids' dad who let them borrow it for the project. Of course they had their own, but that camera was strictly for Ford's Unexplained Mysteries. "I guess that depends on fate." He admitted. "This camera will film our progress and if it's still going by tomorrow then we'll have this proof that it's been going none-stop."

"With that said, What are we doing for the rest of the day?" Susan asked.

"If the answer is looking at the other projects, then I'm bouncing." Cooper warned.

"Same." Stan agreed.

"Actually I heard a rumor…" Bud began looking a bit too eager. "That there are these mysterious porta-potties that pop up out of nowhere."

"Oh I've heard this one." Cooper said, surprising them all.

"Really?" Heather asked.

"Yeah you go into an outhouse, only to walk into prehistoric times!" Cooper exclaimed.

Everyone gives him a sideward glance.

"What? Random doors that take you back in time, that's cool." Cooper admitted sheepishly.

"And your source?" Ford asked.

"Crazy Chu." Both boys revealed at the same time.

"What a reliable source." Stan teased.

"Actually, I think I remember reading something similar in the journal." Ford realized as he took said journal out of his jacket pocket. He flips to the page and reads. "Portal Potty- A mysterious system of space warping out houses seem to be systematically popping up all over the forest. I was able to successfully transport myself but wounded up in the middle of the desert and had to hitchhike home. I have no idea who created them but I am never going in again, sometimes it's just best to hold it."

"Okay…and we should check it out because?" Heather asked.

"Because you guys have dragged me into every one of your adventures, and now I want to go on this one. So this time I'm dragging all of you." Cooper reasoned.

"Seems fair to me." Buddy agreed.

Ford nodded. "We'd have to be careful though, the nearest desert is states away, and if we end up in the Jurassic we need a way to get back." He insisted.

"Crazy Chu said her dress caught in the door." Bud insisted. "It kept the door from closing all the way."

"So the Author must have closed his." Fids said thoughtfully.

"What an idiot." Cooper joked. "What kind of genius closes a door that leads him to an unknown location."

"It was probably the wind or something." Ford said defensively.

"Whatever, are we going or what?" Cooper asked.

Ford gives Fids a look.

Fids nods. "Might as well, beats staying here acting like nervous wrecks." He admitted.

"YES!" Cooper pumps his fist in the air.

More sideward glances.

He clears his throat. "I mean it's cool, whatever."

"Admit it." Ford teased. "My nerdiness has rubbed off on you."

"Never!" Cooper growled.

"It totally has." Stan teased.

"One of us! One of us!" Fids and Ford chant as the mystery gang set off on another adventure.

(Back at the Shack…)

They had been planning this day for weeks, and now it was finally here.

"Cost clear?" A silhouette asked as he and his companion peered out of their hiding spot under the shack.

The shadowy figure beside him nodded. "Crystal."

"Perfect." The two figures emerged into the afternoon sun revealing themselves to be two of Ford's Clones!

"Alright Quattro, Operation Take over is now." Clone number 3 said to Clone number 4.

"Agreed." Quattro said and followed his clone brother as he snuck into the shack. They really didn't need to sneak around, Gruntie Mabel and Ria had left to do errands and the clones knew from experience that they wouldn't be back for some time.

They creep inside the unlocked door and make their way upstairs where they begin their search.

"It's not on the bed." Clone # 3 says looking. "Or under it, oh wait what's this?" He pulls the camera out from under the bed.

"Tracy," Quattro hisses. "We're supposed to be looking for the journal."

"I know but we need to document this, besides he's always filming his discoveries here, it's just as important to him as the journal." Tracy AKA Clone # 3 says with a smirk. "Without this they have no real proof!" He turns on the camera as Quattro mirrors his grin.

"Hello Ford!" Tracy says smugly to the camera. "Bet you didn't see this coming."

"You say you're smart, but you forgot all about the two clones you made to distract Cooper!" Quattro cut in. "We stole his bike just as planned, only to come back and see you executing a plan of your own."

"You betrayed our brothers Ford." Tracy growled, "You erased them, and now we're going to do the same to you."

"Then your life will become our life!" Quattro revealed.

"Perfect!" Tracy exclaimed, turning off the camera. "Now we just need to wait for Ford to come back and we corner him!"

"What do we do in the meantime?" Quattro asked.

"We can make a schedule of how we're going to divide up his life." Tracy answered as if it was obvious. "we can't both be him at the same time, his friends will know something is up!"

"Oh right, okay." Quattro picks up a pen and paper. "Where do we start?"

(Back with Ford…)

"So did Crazy Chu tell you where this outhouse in the woods is?" Heather asked.

"No, she did say it disappeared after the door closed though." Cooper revealed.

"So what we need is to find a door, make sure it stays open and use a rope to help us find our way back when we explore the other side." Fids stated.

"And the camera." Ford said. "Our camera." He clarified. "This has Unexplained written all over it!" He reasoned as the Shack came into view.

"Well don't take too long, I got the night shift this week." Cooper reminded him.

"Relax it's under my bed, be back in five." Ford promised as he ran into the shack where he takes the steps two at a time. He's just about to run through the attic door when he hears it.

Two people arguing with his voice!

"No, I get Sunday!" One shouted.

"How come you get Sunday and I'm stuck with Saturday?" another yelled.

"Because I made the schedule!" the first reasoned.

"Only because you snatched the pen from me!" The second argued.

Ford opened the door a fraction of an inch and gulped: It was two of the clones, but how? He was so sure he had accounted for all of them!

He stepped back slowly, looking all around for a weapon, his only luck a half-eaten pickle on the floor. "Stanley? Really?!" He whispers but picks it up all the same. He steps forward and the floor creaks.

"Hey, did you hear that?" the first voice asked.

Ford decided it was now or never, he gathered his nerves and burst through the door screaming.

Tracy and Quattro take one look at the pickle and bolt.

"You'll never take us alive!" Tracy screamed as they managed to push past him and run down the stairs and out the door.

A piece of scrap paper flutters to the ground beside the forgotten camera.

Ford snatches them both up on instinct before giving chase.

"What the!" Bud exclaims as he sees… "Is that Ford! Two Fords!"

"Not again!" Fids exclaims as the real Ford runs up gasping for air.

"Again? Ford what is going on, why are there three of you?" Cooper asked.

"Not again…" Ford gasped trying to explain. "That's clones, three and four, we missed them." He gasped.

Stan couldn't help it; he burst out laughing. "The ones the stole…oh this is rich!"

"This isn't funny Stan; they were plotting to steal my life!" He exclaimed, holding up the piece of paper.

"Okay can someone please explain to us what is going on." Susan asked.

"Yeah, Ford why don't you tell them?" Stan teased.

Ford gulped as he looked at Cooper then Heather. "I…do you remember the party, and the clones?" He asked Heather.

"Yeah…" Heather said.

"Well, I made two of them to get Cooper away from you." He admitted.

Cooper looks thoughtful. "The party…wait a minute they stole my bike!"

Ford bit his lip. "We were enemies…and." He looked at Heather discreetly. "You know before he decided to fight like well…."

Cooper gets it all too quickly. "So, you played dirty, that's cold man."

"Played what dirty?" Heather asked.

"Nothing." Ford exclaimed. "Right Cooper, NOTHING!"

"Oh, it's nothing alright." Cooper said as he wrapped an arm around Ford and squeezed…HARD. "Just water under the bridge right buddy?"

"Can't breathe…choking…" Ford rasped.

"Where is my bike?" Cooper whispered.

"I don't know…!" Ford whispered back.

"Then how do you suppose we fix this?" Cooper asked.

"I…I buy you another one?" Ford croaked.

Cooper stops "Really? Yeah that will work." He releases Ford. "All's forgiven."

"Guys this is serious." Heather warned. "What are we going to do about those two?"

Ford looked down at the paper and sighed. "Nothing."

"Nothing!" Fids asked.

"Are you sure?" Bud asked. "I mean i don't know what is going on, but you did say they were trying to steal your life."

"I know but, they only exist because I cloned them, they just want to belong somewhere." Ford realized out loud.

"Fine I'll let them be, but if they threaten you again their dead!" Stan yelled loudly. "You got that freaks, dead!"

"Stan." Susan grabbed his arm. "Let them be, no harm was done."

Stan nods. "Fine we got the camera lets go on this dorky adventure already."

"Not dorky, cool." Cooper corrected him.

"Oh so because you like it's cool." Stan scoffed.

"Exactly." Cooper smiled. "And everyone says you're the smart one." He teased Ford.

Ford rolled his eyes. "Looks like they made a video, do I keep it."

"Yeah, two of you in one shot, if that doesn't scream mystery I don't know what does." Heather said punching his arm.

"More like nightmare." Cooper admitted with a shutter.

"Hey!" Ford whined.

"I'm proud of you guys." Heather said. "I mean it, I hate seeing people I care about fight."

"Hey anything for you." Cooper said cutting in.

"Yeah." Ford agreed.

"By the way my new bike better be black." Cooper warned.

"Just for that I'm gonna make pink with glitter." Ford jeered.

"Guys I just got done praising you." Heather chided.

"Sorry." Both boys said in unison.

"We'll continue this later." Cooper mouthed.

"Agreed." Ford said.

"Boys, they never learn, do they?" Susan asked.

"Nope." Heather said with a shake of her head.

"So, this outhouse, how do we know it's the one?" Bud asked. as they walked deeper into the woods.

"I guess we just wait until we see a random outhouse in the middle of the woods." Fids said.

"You mean like that?" Stan asked pointing to said Outhouse.

"Dude, nice!" Cooper praised.

"I have my moments." Stan said proudly.

"Well did you manage to remember the rope Mr. Moments?" Ford asked.

"Yep, grabbed it right before you clones ran out and scared us crazy." Stan said, holding the rope up proudly.

"Wow, two for two." Heather joked. "He's on fire."

"Thanks." Stan said as he pulled out another bag of Pork grinds and started stuffing his face.

"Seriously?" Ford asked.

"What They're good." Stan stated.

"Let's just get started before I have to leave." Cooper reminded them.

"Right, once we open that door there is no telling what we see." Ford reminded them.

"Shouldn't one of us stay out here?" Bud asked. "You know just in case the ropes get loosened or snap?"

"Gee thanks for that thought." Cooper said.

"Well, if that happens we might want to be tied to someone we can stand for more than five seconds." Heather said.

"I call Heather!" Ford and Cooper said at the same time.

"I mean Fids; I call Fids!" Ford said sheepishly when Cooper gives him a look.

"Smooth…" Stan joked.

"Right, and I'll go with Stan." Susan said.

"And I will watch the ropes." Bud decides.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Fids asked.

"Maybe a little bit." Bud admitted. "Sounded like a good idea until we heard about the author being stuck in a dessert. Do you know what that would do to my hair?"

"It's okay, we get it." Stan told him. "Watch our backs and we'll get some good video for you, right Sixer?"

"Yeah." Ford agreed. "You know if this doesn't turn our brains to mush." He added as Bud tied a rope to each of the pairs. First Heather and Cooper, then Stan and Susan, finally Ford and Fids.

"Seriously can we stop mentioning the possible dangers?!" Cooper asked. "You guys are reminding me why I stopped hanging around."

"Right, Sorry." Ford said as he grabbed the door to the outhouse. "We good Bud?"

"Just a sec." Bud ties the ropes to the nearest tree. "Got it!"

"Good, now make sure the door doesn't close!" Cooper reminded him.

"You got it." Bud gave him a thumbs up.

"Well, here we go." Ford said as he turned on his camera and jumped into the unknown.

-To Be Continued