Chapter summary:

Mimi and Garfiel are caught in the act.

Party members discover the true power of Pleiades Premium.

Subaru spontaneously unlocks Greed and almost dies in the stupidest fashion imaginable.

The saga of Drunken Sage finally truly begins.

"... and after that Tella summoned everyone and that's preeetty much it. Ah, fuck, that's nice, need mooore new stuff!"

In about twenty minutes Subaru finished with his explanation. He also finished a bottle of the "new stuff" that Reid delivered to the party. So, after a while, he returned to his drunken state. About half way through, when his words were devolving into a mumbo-jumbo, others joined in his stead, helping him finish the story.

Rem was feeling betrayed at first, but after recognizing the fact, that Satella wasn't connected to the Cult that was supposedly worshiping her, made peace with his choice. She also figured out the source of his scent, something that did not bother her in any way anymore. She also learned a valuable lesson – don't provoke her Hero. There was still a nagging pain in her horn.

Ram was mostly neutral. The connection with Satella, did not bother her as much – she was already dealing with another person who was infatuated with a witch, and Roswaal was honestly way more troublesome than Barusu. She did make a choice to tone down on casual insults in his direction. Mostly for the sake of self-preservation. Just in case.

Petra was hurt slightly more. First, she had another contender for Subaru's heart. The second, said contender was already incredibly close to him – she wasn't sure whether she was above her blue-haired colleague, or even the silver-haired Royal Candidate or not, but she was certainly out there.

Meili did not care. So long as Subaru and his crew could protect her against the Mama, she was fine with pretty much anything. She liked it in the manor, only her inability to play outside could be her only complaint towards them. The little girl wasn't over death of her sister Elsa yet, but she understood the reasoning – it was either them or her and Elsa.

Frederica found the whole thing rather troublesome. She wasn't sure if this affair would go public, and if it does, will it hurt a standing of their camp, improve it or simply be dismissed as an overblown rumor. Still, she chose to put her trust in the Sage.

Roswaal simply changed his priorities. Getting rid of a four centuries worth of stigma was certainly an ordeal, but it could be achieved with Subaru's "talents" and his own wealth and ingenuity. There was one particular issue with the Dragon – there was no way Emilia's knight will allow him to die now, but that only changed the method of achieving his goal – if, theoretically, one of Sage's Authorities could be used to bring her back, then all he had to do is to merely strike a bargain. Of course, that was not a guarantee, but he still could succeed, even with the oath he made.

Joshua was the most flabbergasted. He wasn't over their first introduction, and was certainly not over this second one.

"Seriously, how much bizarre can one man truly be?"

The place around the Sage grew ever more crowded. In front of him were three of his "daughters" – Petra and Beatrice took a spot on each of his laps while Meili sat in the middle. On the left sat his liege, right behind her sat a blue-haired maid, on the right sat his patron and lover, and right behind her sat his scorpio apprentice. It was rather weird family picture.

"How is this camp even functionin'?"

"I have no idea, Anastasia-sama."

The one that was responsible for the functioning of said camp grinned after overhearing whispers between the merchant princess and her knight. After pulling out another bottle of whiskey from the crate and passing it around to his friend, Otto decided to check one of the bottles for himself.

"Pleiades Premium. Produced in Pleiades Great Brewery. I had not heard about that brewery before."

"Well it's his establishment. He invested a crap ton of his money into da one particular guy, whose drinks he liked. The name is da result."

Reid, who answered, was already emptying the party wine supply.

"Compared to what it made, this shit 'ere is a ground dragon's piss."

"And what happened?"

"Well, ya heard da story about Envy wrecking 'alf of da world? That childhood fairy tale? Da brewery was in da wrecked 'alf. Otherwise, ya people would've never been drinkin' this watered down shit."

The Stick Swinger was rather upset with quality of drinks presented. The alternative would be to drink whiskey, like his buddy, but he did not want to awake later in the middle of Gusteko, wearing nothing but what he was born in, like the last time.

"Natsuki-san, can I try one?"

"Suuure!"

After popping a cork and pouring himself a shot he inhaled the fumes and:

"Argh!"

"Ha-ha-ha! Stron' shit, right? Absolutely da best thin' you can 'ave, but it floors ya 'arder then ground dragon in heat."

Otto being the camp's drunkard (a position he no longer possessed) did not expect to be hit with just the fumes of the drink.

"Dragons get in heeeat? Should I be worried about Patrasche? Maybe get her a boooyfriend?"

"They do, Natsuki-san, but Diana is a rather picky breed, they make offspring once or twice in their lives. It should not be a problem for you."

After answering Subaru's question, he took the shot and:

"Oh, that's nice… Oh, fuuuck, Natsuki-san… How are you even standing?"

The world began to spin rapidly in front of the internal affairs officer.

"I'm not standin' I'm sittin'! That's a big mistake, Otto! This is Pleeeiades Premium! 'It makes you see the stars!'"

Truth be told, Otto did see the stars, so the advertisement slogan was rather on point.

"Captain, can I try?"

"Yeaaah. But only one shot for you and Mimi. And do anythin' stupid after, you two. Don't make me babysit your cubs in a few years."

The two addressed, quickly turned red. After his words the others at the party finally acknowledged the couple. A strange looking bruise in the form of the lips on Garfiel's neck was noticed as well. Tivey and Hetaro, who previously left them alone, quickly split up the young pair, before Sage's prophecy could be fulfilled. Urgh, party poopers!

"Love?"

"Tella, you want too?"

"Mhm!"

Her first experience of Pleiades Premium was also the first experience with the main patron of said drink. She did not remember that night, but after awkward morning, the whiskey for her was always associated with fun (and occasionally lewd) time with her lover.

"Subaru?"

"Emilia-tan? Weren't you sayin' you not gonna drink tonight anymooore?"

"I have reconsidered. It seems reeealy good. But I don't want much, only a bit."

Emilia's insistence was mostly to not be one-upped by Satella.

"Shaula?"

"Yep, me too, Master. I want whiskey too."

"Rem?"

"Subaru-kun, I'm alreeeady a bit... hick... drunk… from you..."

"Ah, shit. Forgot she's gettin' floored by the fumes. Alright, everyone else gets a one shot too. But no more! Ladies hav' to be presentable!"

"Subaru-sama, can I…"

"No! No drinkin' for children, Petra!"

Petra's angry pout was quickly suppressed by the fabled head-pat technique. The other two lolis just chuckled at Petra's attempt to fit in. They received additional doses of parent affection as well. Anastasia grew rather jealous of Subaru's parenting skills.

"Truly, da powers of da Lolimancer are somthin' else…"

"Alriiight, anyone who wants it and of able age, gets a shot! On da house!"

After said free shot the previously mostly civil party devolved into a bunch of cuddle piles.

The largest one, of course, was surrounding the Sage: Emilia was mumbling incoherently about loving her knight more than anyone else; Shaula was spouting a rant about just how glad she was to be with her Master; Satella was simply muttering 'I love you' like a broken record (thankfully, Envy was equally drunk); Rem was the only one who did not change at all as she did not actually drank anything, yet she was hammered more than others. All four were hugging the black-eyed boy rather tightly, as if he was some prized treasure. Of course, no one paid attention to anyone's worlds, including the speakers themselves.

There were other cuddle piles, of course:

Otto, Garfiel and even Frederica congratulated their brother with a quadruple wedding he did not yet had. The Gorgeous Tiger even thought about marrying his grey-haired bro to his half-sister, something, that either mentioned did not mind at all.

Crusch and Felix were planing expedition against the Black Serpent. So far their plan involved screaming atop of his lungs: "Where are you, you big dumb snake!" and letting the Sage finish the work, but at least there was some thought put into it.

Anastasia, Julius, Joshua and Ricardo were singing "Hoshin of the Wastes" at the top of their lungs (Liliana and Kiritaka were singing along too, but they were physically separate from them). Echidna, who did not drink, decided to find if the fabled brewer, that the Sage invested in, had any descendants.

Pearlbaton triplets were bunched up together like a litter of homeless kittens. Turns out Divine Protection of Trisection wasn't enough to share the alcohol load down to the manageable size.

Astrea Juniors mourned their wife/mother/grandmother. It would be a touching scene if not for the self-deprecating attitude all three had towards themselves. Even Reinhard was a bit tipsy for the first time in his life, as Divine Protection of Spirit Tolerance could not hold against Subaru's perfect brew.

Ram eyes were glowing red – the clown was supercharging red-haired oni with quintuple of her daily dose of mana. She did not mind that at all, in fact, she felt more alive than ever.

Ton-chin-can trio was scattered across the room: Gaston was asleep under the table; Rachins was laying on the one of the windowsills, front half outside, back inside; while Cambery was literally served on the platter, in place of a piglet, with a red appa inside his mouth.

Reid was hanging by his robe from the chandelier, the result of his failed bet against Flugel. Even Volcanica was under influence, spouting some ancient wisdom that no one cared a damn for.

Finally, the most weird pair were Felt and Priscilla. The former was literally on top of the latter in the most erotic pose imaginable – face right in a middle of her bosom, all the previous animosity between the two completely forgotten.

There were those who did not drink, of course – the "loli-gang" and Schlut evacuated at Sword Saint's insistence, before they got drunk from the fumes. It was they, Beatrice more specifically, who decided to put an end to it.

"Subaru, look at what you did. Now everyone's as hammered as you are!"

"Beako, chillaaax. Everyone's having fun!"

"What if the Witch Cult attacks right now?"

"I'll get them some m're Pleiades Premium! It will fix that bitch Capella right up!"

"Urgh, at this rate everyone here will have a hangover until the Royal Selection ends. What's then? Do you understand what your antics did?"

"You know, Beako you're right! Alright peopl', no more drinkin'!"

"More drinkin'? 'f course, Captain! One more on da house!"

"Nah, no more. Alright, everyone get fuckin' sober!"

As he said that, something truly bizarre happened.

Greed.

For Subaru it was one of his most prominent Sins. Aside from Envy, Greed was one of the Sins Subaru was well attuned with. Ultimately, he never wanted to leave anyone behind. Even the people he did not particularly like, like Julius, Priscilla or Heinkel. Even the people who hurt him or tried to hurt him. But in doing so he was also did not want to become a bargaining chip to be discarded at first sign of trouble. He wanted to save everyone, but also himself. In that way he was very Greedy, more Greedy than anyone else in the world. The Sin of Greed represented endless desire to keep everything the one already possessed, often to determent of others. And so the Greed manifested in him to help him fulfill his desire to keep every connection he made.

Cor Leonis.

In an instant white blobs of light manifested in his field of vision, large and small. Through them, he saw every bond he made. He instinctively knew how to use it and what he wanted to do with it. And so he Greedily took all the burdens people around him had, purging the effects of alcohol from them.

"Nah, no more. Alright, everyone get fuckin' sober!"

Impact was immediate. Everyone's expressions quickly changed as they quickly separated from one another before anyone got any ideas. People silently and unanimously agreed to not mention of what just occurred.

The only person who still remained inebriated, collapsed on the floor.

"Hoooly shit! It's like I just drank entire crate in one go!"

"Subaru?"

Emilia was the first who noticed something was wrong.

"Urgh, fuck everythin' spinnin'… Ah, shit, fuck, that's bad, that's too much at once… Sry, Tella, I think I'm bein' a dumbass again. My bad… I'll… see you sooon…"

Thankfully before the Sage went through another loop, the help (in form of his spirit, his liege, the oni maid and the Blue) had arrived. With some rather intense application of healing magic, the eccentric knight was resuscitated, before everyone returned to the drunken stupor due to deactivation of his Authority.

"What did you do, in fact?"

"Yeah, you made everyone worried, you dunderhead!"

"Subaru-kun, please limit your drinking."

"Nah, Master was fine. He went through worse."

Satella was silent, as her hands were gently petting his head. She was merely happy she did not have to see him die again.

"'lright, that was the weeeirdest way to manifest Greed."

"Wait, Natsuki-san, do you mean your Authority is literally just making everyone around you sober at your expense?"

"That's…" "...rather stupid."

Julius did not voice that out loud.

"Nah, it isn't just that. It's take and pass around to whomever wants it. And also, it isn't just boooze. I can prob'bly take some pain from injuries, or fatiiigue, or maybe… Beako, check my mana."

"Sure… What? How? There's so much mana, in fact..."

"I'm linked with Tella's and Emilia's mana-pool. I'd figured they 'ave the largest ones."

Now he wondered if he would fuel someone already op like Reinhard with that amount of mana. Would he achieve the power singularity? That sounded terrifying.

"Hooonestly, that's way better than Invisible Pr'vidence. Just 'ave to make sure I don't take toooo much burden at once, and we'll be fiiine. Moreover, I now 'ave cool wall-hacks."

"Wall-hacks?"

"Master can see people throw walls. That's what he means."

Of course, Shaula knew the shooter lingo by heart.

"Just friends. Still hella useful. Rein, can you get out of Priestella and back really quick? Wanna check out the range."

"Sure, Subaru."

The Sword Saint was glad his friend got a power up. In less than a minute he left the city, then returned back.

"So, you vanished like 20 seconds in, that's… urgh... about... two or three kilometers, given your speed? That's quite goood."

Most people around him were rather surprised about Subaru's ability to calculate something like this while being under the influence. Subaru, in the meantime, just made a rough estimation, based on the distance Reinhard covered during one of his failed loops against Sirius.

"So what do ya intend to do now, 'Great Sage'?"

"Hey what's with all the bitchin', 'nastasia?"

"I mean, ya kinda derailed our little banquet."

"Didn't you made the whole thing for politickin', to get under my skin?"

The merchant princess eyes widened.

"Did he caught on? Echidna, ya shoulda been more subtle."

"What, you thought I was blind to you goadin' Emilia-tan, Otto and everyone else? I know what you wanted. So, how's it now? Satisfied?"

"…"

"That's right. Fuckin' politicians. Fix the bloody country first! Makes me want to go revolutionary on 'alf of your asses... You know, I'm kinda tired of this Lugunica mess. 'ey, Volc?"

"Yes, friend Flugel?"

"How about we freeze the whole Royal Selection business. Until I unfuck all of this."

"I do not mind, dear friend."

"Wait, what?"

Anastasia, Crusch and Priscilla were looking at the Sage like at some lunatic. Emilia and Felt were both smiling. Subaru was eccentric, but he always had good ideas.

"Rein, you think we should tag along?"

"We should, Subaru is about to start something great, I think."

"Yeah, me too."

The two murmuring already chose their side.

"I mean, what you gonna do about it? Brin' me a strongly worded letter? You think I can't become a big fish if I wanna? Gimme one or two years and I can get richer than everyone here combined!"

In some other universe the Purge King had a sudden sneezing fit. Looking side to side, he frantically searched for an assailant that cursed him, but after a while he recognized that no one was here. The sneezing was due to the throne room being a bit colder today then usual. He was safe… for now.

"Urgh, I need to get to Emilia-tan to calm my nerves..."

"'lright, I now officially declare the start of operation 'Unfuck the World'!"

A few eyebrows were razed at the name.

"First, the crew and I go to the Watchtower to check it out. Maybe I left somethin' useful in dere."

Members of the "old crew" nodded in acknowledgement.

"Second, all people here get to fixin' the mess that the royal family left this state in. Universal education, heaaalthcare, curtail corrupt nobles, get a proper military to not rely on Volcanica, fix the ecooonomy, all that jazz. Might as well kick-start the Industrial Revolution while I'm at it."

That seemed to caught attention of all royal candidates. Emilia and Felt liked idea of universal schools and hospitals along with noble restructuring. Crusch liked an idea of proper state military, Anastasia was rather curious about Sage's economic innovations, while Priscilla was rather interested what the words "Industrial Revolution" meant.

"Third, we do the same eeeverywhere else, Vollachia, Gusteko, Kararagi, no exceptions. From my understandin', all four are a bunch of 'ellholes with tons of their own issues."

"Somewhere down the line, we put Pandora and the Witch Cult on the stake for ruinin' our stuff. I'll get Authorities, wooorld gets better as the result. When I'm done with that, I'll fix mess with Tella, so nooone'll get any excuse to be racist anymore."

Quite a few people smiled at that declaration.

"And then we can declare 'appily ever after. Oh, almost forgot... the fancy swords, let's get these too, they look coool."

The last bit caused a party to burst in laughter. One after another each party attendant joined the Drunken Sage's mad plan.

And so operation "Unfuck the World" truly began.