Chapter 9: Us, Verbatim.
For the people who don't know me personally, it's been a while since I've worked on this project. It's selfish, really.
This narrative is a love letter to the people who have changed me, and ironically my own life now exists in it. After all these years, I still struggle to realize that I've never loved myself the way that I love my family. There's irony in that, isn't there? That one can give more love than they carry, forgo their own desires because their interests lie solely within others. Somehow, there's a way to be self-lessly selfish.
That fight with Claire, I really believed that I responded with the best interest for everyone. You can only fuck up so many times before you doubt yourself, versus your situation. After all my efforts, I still yearned to be understood, because then maybe Claire would give me a break. But as the pages wrote themselves, I found myself getting more of who she was, than I am.
Listening to Keri explain how much helping Darby meant to her, I found it hard not to laugh. She was filled with passion and disbelief, somehow at the same time. I can't make tension out of 'Keri and Cuttlefish seldomly spoke to each-other most of the ride' (because I'm simply not good enough of a writer to do so), but that doesn't make it any less true. The reason isn't anything tension-related; Keri was too busy fancying every bit of wondrous, Darby-themed curiosity that popped into her mind.
When she spoke on her thoughts, it felt as if I was back at school. I sat down, listening to Keri's tongue roll, and got lost with her. I got lost in the wonders of our world, where we've had centuries of history and yet only now is there cohesion. I thought of the cities I took tests on, and the cities that I've lived in, trying to imagine Octet. In total silence, I watched as Keri moved her hands and contorted her face, expressing her experience in a way that I can't really describe. Unfiltered love for the moment. You can't mistake it for anything else.
For how little I think of myself, Keri loves to remind me just how much a friend does. She says that if I wasn't there to witness her passion, who else would be? I've never really understood the importance of 'presence' to her, but maybe I'll finally come to grasp it.
Just like Claire, maybe it just takes time.
Keri woke up, still on the never-ending train ride that was the Deepsea Metro. After she got over Cuttlefish's disapproval, she still couldn't sleep well. It wasn't impossible, but like any case of insomnia, it was a fight of its own.
The lights only got brighter as her eyes got used to the dim conditions. Looking up at the ceiling wasn't helping, and neither was the stress. She didn't know anything concrete, like why she was there, or what she was doing. Cuttlefish had been purposefully vague, leaving out information left and right. What was his problem? What right did he have to just, not say the truth? Looking towards the domed, artificial lights, Keri felt emotions adjacent to her first memories. Her first desires.
Trying to get her mind out of the past, she couldn't avoid the obvious. Darby has lived a life she has no idea about. Did that mean they couldn't relate? No! The desire to know more struck Keri hard, and she had something to prove. She wanted to prove to Darby that they're more alike than she thought.
She wondered not soon after, 'would Darby feel the same way?' The two hadn't really spoken to each other outside of empty threats and requests. Yet, with her Captain needing his beauty sleep, she felt it might be a good idea to finally have a more personal chat.
Finally laying off the seats, Keri walked up to check on her patient. 'Not perfect', she thought, but thankfully nothing major all things considered. She was more concerned with how thin Darby was more than anything, something not fixable at this current moment. What was the bigger miracle, Darby sleeping through the sting of disinfectants, or that Cuttlefish actually let any of this happen?
Keri poked the beast. Shifting back and forth, it took a bit of time before any signs of lucidity clicked in Darby.
'That's gotta feel strange', Keri thought to herself.
Darby woke up to the prodding of another Octoling, of which for a second she struggled to recognize. Shuffling to the side, she wanted nothing to do with her presence. Wallowing in her tranquility, Darby became curious. Her wounds, they felt- old? It was oddly comforting, reminding her of personal triumphs.
Back in the military, an Elite's presence is known to all. They may carry the weight of five other soldiers, both in ranking and in sheer performance. Darby was no normal Elite, arguably one of the finest and certainly the youngest. Her accolades in the field allowed her some leeway, and she got expressive. If someone needs you, you're allowed to be funky. Some people use that to be themselves.
In Octet, the general public wasn't exactly the prettiest image. Our understanding of the underground is inherently flawed though, always coming from some escapist. Of course the sky would be a revelation, screens aren't much to gawk at. Growing up on the surface, friends of mine used to wonder if the underground was truly 'that bad'. But, I was always curious about its people.
Her first few years, Darby was deployed for public surveillance. Think 'peacekeepers'. She would monitor protests, getting told who, what, when, the works. Going outside with anything exposed was tricky for her. She'd learned to hide all of her 'quirks', as she calls them. She wore tight, long gloves and protected any skin on watch. Due to budgeting concerns, this (surprisingly) wasn't common practice. Allegedly, she got nicknamed "Ballerina" by the, ya know. The streets, street talk, people… the stuff? Yeah I'm not, I dunno. It was never going to sound right from my mouth.
She recalled the wounds from a good day after work. They were open, yet cared for. It'd get better when that feeling came around, and it made her feel better. After everything she'd been through, I don't think it's shocking.
Soon after, her whole body was shaking. That's when her eyes actually opened.
"psst. hi!", Keri said smiling.
Darby turned around, and gave a look of sheer confusion. Hilariously, that got her up.
When Keri and I first met, there wasn't much of a past to talk about.
Her inability to remember life before the Metro was (in a twisted way), kinda exciting. I mean, we never got to know her original deck of cards, so starting over with her could be fun. I could start over too.
Thinking about the people I revered, most of my family I saw highly in my life. That was only early on in my upbringing, though. After a certain age, the people I looked up to weren't family, but friends. People I went to class with, who had this dream or that partner, that sort of thing. And then, as I got older, I wasn't looking anymore. But with Keri, I mean- what did she look up to? When I heard the news over the radio, I hopped at the chance to house her while everything else got figured out.
You can see it as ego-centric, sure. I couldn't imagine passing the wheel on this chance, but like everything, it could've been different. I could've just said no. I could've never lived in the city, could've never met Cuttlefish, never loved… anyone? We all make choices, and our choices show us to others. Guess what? Cherri Rain isn't someone who easily gives up.
It started off as a coworker-esq relationship. I'd talk about my own experiences, and she'd piece together something from a mem-cake or two. But truly, the highlight of it all was getting out. If she wanted to do something, we'd be out the door within minutes. As a celebratory meal, I took her to a place called "On Level". The main attraction was this glass roof, and I've got no idea how they kept it that clean. Sure, the food was alright, and the service sure was expensive, but man. The first time she saw the full moon, I don't know. You have no idea how badly I wanted her to give me that face.
We rushed for the bill, and sprinted back to the train. The quickest express brought us back within twenty minutes. She stared out each and every window we ran across. On the train, in the elevator, my home. I'll never forget telling her that little orb isn't going anywhere. I swear, once she was comfortable, she didn't move. Not for a few hours, anyways.
I wondered about Claire. I wondered about Cuttlefish. I kept thinking, 'what if this is what they were talking about?', right? This is the girl they'd just never shut up about. I guess I can't either.
I'm just glad I was there.
Inside the moving railcar, a tired Cuttlefish stumbled across the two Octolings chatting by the window. Taking in the sights as they whizzed by, Darby and Keri seemed to finally get along. He doubted himself, even if just for a second, wondering if his doubts towards Darby were in the right place. There was still a lot to be done, and the sooner they figured anything out the better. But maybe, just maybe, Darby was more of a blessing than a curse.
"...freeloading? You know, I think that's what they called it.", Keri remarked to Darby.
Craig just wanted to see how she was feeling, but she was distracted in conversation. It ended up being Darby who noticed his gesture. She smiled, and then nudged her head towards the door, signaling him to leave. He was disheartened at first, feeling left out of Keri's never-ending speech. Yet, owing to his mind, it didn't take long for him to assume that the two needed their own moment. Walking away towards the end of the railcar, he was surprised to find the door even budged.
Cutting their flow of conversation, he mentioned; "I'll check 'er controls, if they be workin', how they be."
Darby looked to her left to find Cuttlefish struggling to open the door fully, and reached out at the opportunity to help him. Pushing the two barriers outwards and letting him through, she smirked back to see the old man walking towards his destination. She knew he didn't really need the help.
Closing the pathway, Darby looked out the window closest to her. The two didn't speak to each-other, as to not ruin the moment. The warm, pastel orange background had a hinge of brown to it. Neon signs in a myriad of languages passed the two, as rock-like fixtures soaked up the depths with gravitas. Simple, memorable, easy to get lost in.
Taking her time to soak in the view and muster the thought, Darby realized her own question. She looked back at Keri, and fed her curiosity. She spoke, with a snicker underneath her breath. "How'd I look?"
Keri turned towards Darby, but she couldn't meet her gaze. After taking a few seconds to ponder, she looked up and seemed hurt. "I-, we were just getting along like two seconds ago." She had done everything in her power to help Darby understand who she was, even if there's barely a years worth of memories to latch onto.
"You're the one who wanted to talk." Darby said in her cold tone, shifting her gaze back out the window.
Keri tilted her head. Framing Darby with her vision, she squinted for her shot and responded. "Are you finally showing some personality? Like, what is this about?"
Darby kept her photogenic stance. "I didn't ask for your help."
"Are you serious?!" Keri exclaimed. "I- can you think for yourself for like a fraction of your life? How about, 'Oh wow, I'm sure glad I'm alive! Thank you!'" She hailed, flailing her arms around.
Darby's mind took over her sight. Keeping her gaze off of Keri, she sarcastically threw up jazz hands before resting them on her hips.
It took a moment for Keri to realize what Darby meant. She glanced over at Cuttlefish through the door, and he smiled back at her.
"You know, ol' Cap didn't even want me touching you.", Keri explained.
Another one of Darby's iconic scoffs left her mouth, as she caught Keri trying to derail her question. She shifted her gaze towards her, and snapped back. "He had a point."
Keri's brows shifted instinctively, showcasing her irritation. "What? No! I helped you!" she rebelled. "I can't even imagine you being able to walk if it weren't for me stepping in-" She stopped herself, noticing the sheer indifference in Darby's movement. "What." Keri asked, sarcastically.
She felt the verbal battle ahead, and figured it wasn't worth it. Letting out a deep breath, she left Darby alone.
With a tent posted on a rooftop, two Octoling teens had front-row seats to night-life.
Advertisements for financing, bars, recruits, the likes of Octarian culture ran across the streets at the height of loss. A small lighter sat in-between the two, waiting to be set ablaze. Listening to the commotion below, the thoughts of what was above, and the lack of responsibility, for a brief moment time stopped.
"You're allowed to be upset, you know." Stella said, raising the lighter from the floor and up to her lips. Setting the pocket-sized fire off, she inhaled the fumes, and exhaled her problems. "Want some?"
"I still don't, smoke." Darby said, not even registering her hand, only the view.
Stella put her head down, chuckling under her breath. "Alright, alright, you got me. I was wrong. But only for now!" She laughed, taking another hit. "You'll be here eventually."
Darby scoffed her assumption away. "I'm not gonna pick this shit up-"
"You know I'm not talking about my bad habits." Stella looked down, before nudging Darby with her right arm. "Hey.
"Look at me."
They met eyes, but in a somber sort of way. Darby's expression spoke of someone in need, and Stella's expression spoke of someone who was done.
Disconnecting gazes, they both observed Octet. All sorts of neon lights met the refraction of the ground, their scattered mess merging in oil. Smoke filled the air, as Stella wasn't letting off. All it did was add to the atmosphere.
Darby turned her head towards Stella. Confused, she wondered. "This is home, right?"
She took a moment to recognize her question. "It's home to a lot of people, yeah." She took another hit, but couldn't meet her eyes. The air only got thicker and thicker, unsurprisingly due to the smokers' habitat. Darby's eyes fogged up, and everything started to become a blur.
Stella offered an arm and patted her back. "Deb, what's up?"
"She lost you." Darby bluntly stated, starting to choke up.
"Yeah." She responded, with a healthy dose of impassivity. "But, things didn't work out."
Both of their breathing became heavier, as Darby could barely get the words out. "I don't wanna lose you."
Stella inhaled one last time, and flicked it all away. As the embers flew downwards, she leaned closer and spoke her truth. "Look. You're gonna lose me when everyone else does."
As the city raged on, their hands met in-between each other. Locking their grasp, tears rolled down Darby's face. "i'm gonna lose you.", she faintly insisted. Trying to console her, Stella whispered back. "Deb's, you're gonna do amazing. You'll be back before you know it."
Lost in emotion, the city turned into an abstract composition of glowing colours, and the soundtrack to her life was solace she didn't want.