Hello, it is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter! I wrote this one late last year and it's a little different content-wise than what I usually write. It's a little heavier. But it's something I've wanted to tackle for a long time. It's no secret that Sammy (the boyfriend of a decade of Justin, Jessie and James' eldest son) grew up for a number of years living in Kalos and alongside a "cousin" called Jorginho. That "cousin" is actually his half-brother. They share the same mother, Jennifer, but Sammy's father, Peter, only allowed Jorginho to live with them under the guise of Jorginho being a cousin. That had a long-lasting effect on Jorginho, wounding him throughout his years spent in Team Rocket and beyond. In this chapter, everything comes to a head. Like the title suggests, enough becomes enough. I hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it features some pretty intense family dynamics!
Just a heads up - this chapter contains homophobic and biphobic attitudes from the character of Peter which do not reflect my own views. The chapter also features the dark side of religion, religious trauma and shame, and hints of a marriage with a power imbalance.
Ages:
Jennifer (Sammy's mother): 64
Sammy: 35
Peter (Jorginho's father, Jennifer's husband): 68
Jorginho (Sammy's half-brother, Jennifer's son): 49
Daisy (Misty's sister, Jorginho's wife): 48
Bubbles of union dotted all around the park outdoor café even if everybody was sat apart, in their own little world. Jennifer and Sammy were sat at the biggest circular picnic table since everyone had once congregated there, the two of them flicking through wedding photos and sharing memories.
Peter was just behind the two of them at a table for two, his ice blue eyes taking in the world around him and pondering more than just the collective bubble the world was in as he sipped on his black coffee.
Jorginho and Daisy could not be distracted from their moment like other people could be. Their picnic table was big enough for a whole family but the two of them were sat side by side on the same log, thighs brushing up against each other. Jorginho adjusted Daisy's scarf for her though he did not need to, brushing his nose against hers before kissing her.
He was within his own kind of bubble. He was in heaven. And his idea of heaven simply could not be burst.
Sammy continued showing his mother his phone while seated across from her, flicking through the photograph memories that he had snapped on his big brother's special day and the whole reason that he was trapped within his private, doting bubble. Jennifer, cardboard cup in her own clutch containing a milkier coffee than her husband's, nodded and commented on each photo her son had to show her. Even if she had seen them a handful of times before.
How wonderful so many people had come from all over the world to join Jorginho and Daisy for their special day, Jennifer commented. Sammy swiped to another photo – one of him with his arm around a woman with the hair the shade of spring. Jennifer did not stop herself from adding words again, lowering her cup down to the table.
How gorgeous Lucy is. How brave she is too.
Picking up her cup again and bringing it to her lips, she inclined her head towards her son just so and did not need to add the other words that she was thinking.
Gratefully, Sammy stopped swiping for half a second and met his mother's dark yet comfortable gaze, radiating inside and out at the praise even though years of self-work had made him try not to lean on the words of others in that way.
But Sammy could not help it. That was his mother speaking to him. She was reassuring him. And oh, how that speck of validation – even if it came from her often – made him feel like he was back on that wedding day of Jorginho and Daisy, and he was sipping a mouthful of bubbly drink.
Taking a subtle but purposeful breath inward that Jennifer was sure to notice even if she did not comment on this, Sammy went back to looking at the photos on his phone, swiping some more. But a bubble had been burst – and not the giddy champagne bubble memory that was tucked inside Sammy's heart for later.
Peter stopped sipping his coffee and exited his bubble, coming to rest a hand on his wife's shoulder. Though he did not intend to intercept the moment between mother and son, he did so with the fleeting touch that he grazed along Jennifer's jacket. He was only telling her that he was heading off to find the gentleman's room.
But she had flinched when she felt his touch, so in her own world with their son and enjoying memories of a day that had happened nearly three months ago now. For a second of her skipping heart rate, she wondered what she had been caught doing. But then she watched her husband's silhouette turn his back on her and head off and she smiled to herself.
It was all okay.
She and Sammy could resume what they were doing. There wasn't anything wrong in relishing in Jorginho and Daisy's happiness, even if the precious moment had been months ago. The two of them were certainly doing so, them both engaged in a more lingering kiss than the one he had offered the tip of her nose!
Jennifer tried not to stare. With a smile, and clutching onto her cup of coffee for warmth, she focused her attention back on Sammy. Dear sweet, Samuelito, as she called him.
She hadn't liked to be too obvious with it, but she really did think he was the bravest soul in the world. Certainly, the kindest. It was not fun for him when Jorginho had found eternal happiness right at the same moment that his own world had come crashing down.
But he had handled it with such dignitary, Jennifer felt. That sensitive little boy who questioned everything was now a man filled with integrity and grace and instead of focusing on the other emotions that she had stifled on the day of the wedding, the focus on how she knew that she had never loved him more.
His devotion to God had blessed him with such strength of character. And she had no doubt that He would provide him with his own happily ever after.
For a second time in a short space of time as Sammy chuckled to himself while looking at a photo on his phone that he did not share with his mother this time, the walls of another bubble came crashing down.
It was not the horror of a mother who was wondering what had gotten her son resting his knuckles against his own face and giggling to himself, keeping whatever photograph memory from the wedding private. And despite how it seemed, it did not break Jennifer away from the moment as much as her husband leaving his table had done.
You see, when Jorginho and Daisy had pulled away from their adoring embrace, he must've commented that he saw Peter heading off to the bathroom and it made her realize that she would quite like to head there too. Her wish was Jorginho's command!
Nothing was ever too big or too small for him.
The two of them drained their drinks down and Jorginho stood first and unhooked his legs from the picnic table that had once been a tree and you could see that from its chunky appearance. He stood on his own and then helped Daisy find her feet, holding his arm out to her.
He walked her to find the separate, ladies' bathroom. He did not need to head off to the gents just yet. So, he intended to wait outside.
Unlike when they had been embracing and smooching which certainly had not been something for Jennifer to rest her eyes on, she could not help but watch Jorginho at the distance he was waiting patiently outside of the ladies' bathroom, hands disappearing into his jeans pockets before adjusting his own scarf for something to do.
She knew that she was sure to look away from the second that she felt like he could be looking back. But while she could see that he was in his own world of waiting for Daisy, she could not help but fill her gaze with this sight.
Unlike usual, Jennifer did not know how she felt. She certainly felt something stirring deep in the depths of her core. But to name it? To label it? That was impossible. She had spent all her life stuffing down many a feeling and many a memory regarding Jorginho.
She swallowed though she had long since finished her own coffee. He had turned into a wonderful man. No thanks to her. This was a hard pill to swallow. Jennifer told herself that his father's essence within him had done wonders and he surely had to have been watching over him.
Jorginho was everything that anyone could wish their partner or their brother or their friend to be. Everything that anyone could wish to be their son.
Before Jennifer could feel a pulsating inside the chambers of her heart which she put down to the effects of coffee taking over her even though she had ordered decaffeinated – her true son wanted her attention.
She was just so relieved to focus on something else other than the turn that her mind had been taking that she flashed Sammy with the smile of a painted porcelain doll that was more like a clown. Fortunately, he was none the wiser.
He was too busy handing his phone to her all over again, swiping through more photos that he could share.
"Look at this, Mom." Sammy prompted, passing his possession over and Jennifer needing no more encouragement than to fill her empty, coffee cup-less hands with something else. Without a second thought, she fixed intense eyes on her son to hear more of his words before looking down. "There's some great photos of everyone with Javier's seat."
For some reason, Sammy didn't consider that she may have flinched upon hearing that name. In the same way that he would have done if his own tongue had decided to spell out names of certain people in the photos that Jennifer could flick through rather than saying everyone.
Jennifer did not twitch outwards, but her heartrate elevated a few extra notches, begging her for attention. She ignored this calling. She instead gave Samuelito her full attention and breathed some of his courage inside of her with the breath that she took before scrolling.
She nodded her head and saw the guests of Jorginho and Daisy's wedding with the empty seat that had been left for Jorginho's deceased father, all of them honoring him in different ways. Jennifer was particularly taken by the one that Sammy had snapped of James without him realizing.
He had his palm placed over the center of his chest and was bowing his head to a man that he had never met.
"How beautiful." Jennifer commented. Sammy might have forgone tact moments before but now he watched his mother's every move as she took in the photographs, waiting for the possibility of a tiny hint of a tear. It did not come. His mother hardly cried, much less in front of him. "I'm glad he was part of their day."
Jennifer did not twitch her frame, but she could not say the name Javier, instead settling for the word he. She longed to be able to say it in the same way that she longed to show her own respect to the empty chair on the wedding day, just like James had done by saluting. Like Lucy and Katie had done by crouching on either side with their pretty dresses and him in the middle. Like the large embrace that Jorginho had done around the back of the chair, eyes squeezed shut and dabbed with droplets of water.
How come Jorginho could cry about it, and she could not? What did that say about her?
Jennifer knew not to allow her mind to wander down that path. She flashed a smile for all that she was seeing on her phone. But Sammy was seeing beyond the world of technology.
"Hey Mom?" he began, occupying both of his hands since his mother was continually flicking through the same images on his phone. Sammy rested his elbows on the picnic table and cupped his own face with tattoo etched knuckles.
Jennifer may have been being enticed by another little bubble as she swiped through the same couple of photos, but her eyes were glad of the relief when Sammy called her name.
Nothing could stop her from looking across at him instead.
"Yes, mi amor?" she answered, figuring that then was a sign that enough was enough and handing the device back to her son. He did not accept, his hands practically glued to either side of his face.
She rested the phone in the center of the table. Jennifer could tell that Sammy wanted a full interaction between them both.
Though he had known exactly what he wished to say all along, he tilted his head momentarily on the side and thought about it. He was certain that his words would not elicit tears. But they may prompt something.
After all, Jennifer had not shared much with him at all regarding her feelings that she had attended Jorginho and Daisy's wedding without even being named mother of the groom.
"Were me and Jorginho's dads really that different, Mom?" Sammy asked. He managed to peel one hand away from his face and rest it along the table. Not that he offered it to comfort his mother. But it was there.
Jennifer had to have known that something along those lines was sure to come since they had both been looking at photos from the wedding that highlighted the loss. But still, hearing those words coming from her precious Samuelito when she still did not know how to talk about her past to anyone...
She couldn't even bring herself to open up to the person who was still a little boy to her. So fragile in his strength. So innocent. The only thing in her life that she had done right.
Jennifer sat further up in her seat even though she wanted to cower, zipping up her leather jacket even tighter. But the skin of her neck had started to possess the flush of a thorny rose. She wished to feel ease within her. To be able to speak the truth with comfort. To speak nothing but the truth.
But she believed deep down her past was sinful. Her emotions were to be ashamed of. She had made decisions at a tender age. She had made her bed and now she had to lie in it. She deserved punishment.
But then, across from her, was the doe, hazel eyes of her son disagreeing all of this without saying any words at all. Sammy just wanted to know. Just wanted to learn. He did not judge her. He, in fact, wanted to learn her from the inside out as if he was still that baby being grown inside her womb.
Jennifer's mind started to flash through various images like her own private slideshow.
The dark, handsome and rugged features of Javier, the jovial smile that was as much of an instinct as it was to breathe. And then her savior, Peter. With his ice blue eyes and silver hair at the age of only just in his thirties. Her sign of redemption.
She let out a heavy sigh containing some of the wounds tucked inside of her, but they did not leave her for good. She was not sure they ever would. Certainly not with a mere exhalation. But then she smiled.
Jennifer knew if there was anyone who could handle the truth then it was Sammy. If there was anyone that could cradle her words, then it was her son. Her true son.
Though she wished to weep every time she had to call him that.
"Both of their dreams were to serve the wider world…" Jennifer began. Sammy had been hoping for an answer but part of him had anticipated that she would not wish to talk. So, to hear any words – and for his eyes to drop down and see his mother's mottled neck – made him feel like it was only them walking the earth. "But of course, one's dreams were cut short." Sammy watched his mother's throat lurch around these words. "Far too short, in fact…"
Sammy leaned back in his seat even though he wanted to lean forward and press his forehead against Jennifer's.
He wondered what it was like to lose someone at the tender age of fifteen. He had lost people. Sammy had lost people. But at least he had the comfort of knowing that they were somewhere walking the earth, even if they did not walk across his path any longer.
He did not know how someone could cope with the love of their life dying. Sammy had not actually called Javier this to her face. But he knew as much as anybody. Her whole world had shifted when he took his final breath, and not just because she had been a teenager.
Jennifer and Javier had been one. She had lost something that day that she had never been able to wrangle back. She had been half a person since 1993. She did not like to talk about it. But she had resigned to the fact that she would always be a ghostly figure.
"I kinda wish that I could have met him." Sammy started his own words, pushing his hair out of his eyes and the jewelry that was a hoop inside his nostrils and the few that hung in his ears did not seem to sparkle as much as usual. Jennifer noticed this even if she had not been expecting many words from him either. "I certainly wish that he had been able to attend the wedding. Properly."
Jennifer twitched her head up and down. Slowly. And just once. She noticed that her son had begun with hesitance – with consideration. But then his true feelings bled out into his words.
Yes, he would have loved to meet Jorginho's father. He still felt like he was meeting his big brother over and over again every time that they had the opportunity to interact. He would have loved to know the other person whose blood was pumping in his veins.
Even more so because he had to act like he did not see their shared mother's blood dancing all around their beings.
Jennifer took her time saying the words that she felt needed to come next. She often took her time when talking about her past. Her losses. The opportunities were few and far between, but it was often an occasion filled with longevity.
She took so long, in fact, that when she turned over her shoulder in between knowing what she longed to say, wishing to allow that yearning gaze to blossom to its entirely and fix itself on the distant silhouette of Jorginho – she realized that he was no longer there.
He must have decided he needed the restroom after all, Jennifer told herself.
Then Jennifer turned her attention back to Sammy and said words while her chest elevated outwards, the breath that she took inwards not filling all her missing gaps.
"He is still everywhere, Samuelito." Jennifer said and, for half a second and because his mother often said this about somebody else, Sammy's thick and dark eyebrows knotted together on his face. "In more ways than one…" her voice softened down to a whisper as she added and after searching for that silhouette over her shoulder once more, Sammy was filled with realization.
Part of him wondered where his big brother had wandered to as he did not know that he was off escorting Daisy like Jennifer was. But the bigger, truer part of him knew that he had words inside of his heart and they were longing to escape.
Sammy was like his mother in many ways. But he was unlike her in the way that he did not like to keep his deepest feelings to himself. He had learned the hard way. He had been like her once before. And it resulted in him in hospital and with James clutching his hole-pricked arm for dear life and Justin nearly losing him for real.
Never again, Sammy had told himself.
"Mom…" he did not know how he was going to start even if he knew where he wanted to head. Jennifer flinched this time, and she felt that she needed to figure out an excuse from the second that her eyes met the ones that she had bestowed upon Sammy. But she didn't. He understood without it needing to be said. "I know better than anyone that you can't stop Dad and his beliefs from letting you go after the path that will welcome you."
Jennifer wanted to flinch again, a second time. Once she had started, she couldn't seem to stop! What was wrong with her?
From the second that her son had spelled out her name, she had wondered where he was going with his words. Now she knew.
Her initial reaction was to furrow her own brow together, even reach her hand across the table and swipe him across the face for saying such a thing. They were not just Dad's beliefs! They were all their beliefs!
Their collective faith was one of the reasons that they were so strong as a family.
But were they really? Jennifer could not help but allow the doubt to creep into her mind during the silent hours of the night and they began to dribble in again there and then.
Were they a that strong a family?
One of them had been shunned for being born out of wedlock. For being born to a different father. For simply having a shadow cast its maniacal grin over almost every part of his life.
And it wasn't even his fault. He had been just a baby. He had not asked to be born, let alone born to two teenagers, one of which never even made it to his seventeenth birthday. He had not asked to stumble into all their lives again only to be shunned again. Kept at arm's length.
Was it really her fault?
It had been drummed into her enough that it was. That she had been sinful. That she had made love out of wedlock and made a baby destined for ruin. That she had refused to parent that little bastard after she lost his father, leaving him to be raised by stranger after stranger until a miracle happened and they stared at each other once more.
Stared at each other with the same blood pumping in their veins. But their eyes were vacant. Distance and heartbreak had separated them. They couldn't build anything on that foundation. And certainly not under the watchful eye of Peter.
Her salvation. Her sanctuary. Her second chance at a respectable life.
Jennifer suddenly let out a noise that was partially a chuckle and was partially a sigh and it caught her off guard as much as it caused Sammy to consider.
But then words came. Words that she had thought many a time into the dark blanket of the night, where everything was a secret, and everything was safe and in the morning, she could have a new beginning.
And act like she had not almost succumbed to the memories of her past.
"A path that will welcome me?" Jennifer echoed her son's words to which he nodded, hazel eyes widening like chestnuts as her throat made that noise again. She did not mean to scorn Sammy's words. He was understanding. But he did not know things like she did. "He told me a long time ago and I agree that neither of us were ready to jump into being us like we had always been together. To behave like…" Jennifer couldn't say the words. They ran away from her before even a glimpse of the formulation could occur. She shook her head instead of letting her eyes moisten. "I don't know how he feels now…"
Sammy nodded although he hated that this urge took over him like he was a submissive marionette and someone else was pulling the strings over him. He knew that Jennifer and Jorginho were trying to just be friends. If they could even be that. If that was the right word.
Companions. Two people in each other's lives. With an extensive history. A complicated past. An uncertain future. The same blood pumping in both their veins. But great walls encapsulating them both, stopping them from taking that next step.
They had done well. Well, they had done okay. There was a point in time when it seemed like they were getting somewhere. Could get somewhere. James had helped them a lot. They had been able to get to a certain point. To be able to trust each other to a certain degree. To even be alone together once or twice. Without Peter.
But that next step was a leap. It was a leap of faith without even a steely gaze reminding that Jennifer had been redeemed once and to go back on that was a bad move. It was a wrong move.
Sammy knew that neither of them knew how to do the next bit. It was clear that his mother knew even less.
He had words on the tip of his tongue. Oh, how he wanted to just utter the simple word of ask.
Ask Jorginho how he feels. If his head and his heart are aligned and he wishes to take the next step. Hear that he is a husband now. And he wishes to reconnect with his first family now that he is on the cusp of making a new one of his own with Daisy.
Sammy wanted to spell out the word. Ask, he longed to say.
He, however, did not quite get the opportunity even if boldness caused him to very nearly suggest it. Suddenly, Jorginho appeared from wherever he had wandered off too, standing right by their picnic table and looming over them.
Another bubble burst. The bubble of their duo. The bubble of possibility.
Jorginho did not know it, but he interjected quite a crucial moment. One that Sammy was unsure that they would ever get back. For once, he did not smile straight away when he saw his big brother standing there.
"Do you mind if I sit here again?" Jorginho asked, taking off his scarf for something to do and throwing it over his shoulder as if it were a dish towel. Then, his hands disappeared into his pockets. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"
Jorginho's eyebrows rose towards his hairline and his strong nose began to twitch even though he did not have even the hint of a beginning of a winter cold. He knew without overthinking it too much that he had interrupted something. But Daisy had headed elsewhere instead of joining him back at the table.
And if he were to sit alone, he didn't want to give Peter the satisfaction of seeing him separate from everybody else. Or worse, to give Peter the opportunity to come and join him!
Jorginho knew that he had interrupted something. But he did not know what else to do. He watched Jennifer not say anything and tried not to let her indifference even without the watchful eye of Peter to wound him.
Jorginho instead focused on Sammy beginning to soften his face, painting a smile across his features and up at him, gesturing him with hands long before words of welcoming were uttered.
His legs were relievedly and gratefully hooking around the log of a spare seat while Sammy spoke to him.
"No, no, not at all. Please, come and join us." Sammy greeted his older brother, waiting for him to get settled before patting him on the shoulder closest to him, almost rendering his scarf to fall off his shoulder and onto the floor like an autumn leaf. "We were actually just looking through photos from your wedding and reminiscing."
Peter had still not returned from the facilities, but this did not stop Jennfer from sitting rigidly as if the wood of the tree trunk had not been smoothed enough and was sending splinters into her bottom. She, however, found her posture melting towards Sammy's words and not the kind offer of a greeting that he had bestowed upon Jorginho.
Jennifer turned to her son. How appalled that she saw how easily he had lied!
While it was true that they had been doing that – but they hadn't been engaged in that part of the activity for a good five minutes. She shuffled in her seat for a different reason. But despite that, once Jorginho flashed his own smile at Sammy and patted him on the arm in return, she surprised them all by finding her voice.
And when she found her voice, she interacted with Jorginho.
He really did lose his scarf as he reacted to being spoken to, it fluttering down to join in union with the ground.
"Is Daisy getting some alone time now that she's visited the ladies room?" Jennifer wondered, causing Jorginho's neck to flush a more watered-down hue of his scarf as he reached down to pick it up off the ground, dusting it clean of the leaves that clung to it, wanting to come home with him.
For half a second, the accent of her native Paldean tongue bought him home even though it was not nearly the first time he had heard her speaking that day. He knew that was how he would have sounded if he had stayed with her, and not just when he was speaking their native tongue.
Jorginho forwent thinking that her words were a dig towards him because she wasn't like that, as distanced as they could feel towards each other. His cheeks warmed as he realized that she had been watching him, answering her with a manufactured smile.
He told her that she had bumped into an old friend leaving the bathroom and was having a quick catch up with her, wandering around one of the lakes together.
After his dimple had failed to cut a hole in his cheek, he reached for a packet of something or other that he had been hiding inside of his jacket, rustling it to get it open. Immediately, the picnic table turned into a children's school dinner table and Sammy was nearly leaning halfway over it, wondering where Jorginho got his snack!
Jorginho was only just popping a morsel into his mouth, he didn't even have time to offer anyone else a bite, when he could feel his brother leaning ever closer to him, a mixture of amusement and a dash of jealousy capturing his eyes.
After reminding his older brother that they were meant to be only getting coffee and would be driving to a proper restaurant after wandering another lap of the country park, Sammy learned that a vender of a pod selling sweet treats had been enamored by him waiting patiently and offered him a free sample.
He had tried to refuse out of consideration. But then his stomach had rumbled! Jorginho's dimple started to appear like a similar segment of the sugared corn snacks that he was trying not to munch too many off.
Meanwhile, Sammy couldn't help but chuckle as he leaned back in his seat even if Jennifer merely smiled her painted lips together, running a hand through his hair before hugging his arms around his own leather jacket.
Oh, how he wished that people were as drawn to him as they were Jorginho. He did not need to spell this out, but it was obviously true. There was clearly something different within the two of them that changed how people acted.
Sammy could not help but ponder this while the leather of his arms squeaked against the studs of his jacket.
"Maybe if I was Javier's kid rather than the spawn of the silver fox then I would get free things all the time too." Sammy began, for once not noticing the atmosphere that he had encouraged to take over the scene, instead focusing on making a playful lunge for Jorginho. Jorginho thought he was going for his snacks so held them protectively, clamping his mouth shut too in case he went for those ones! "It must be the brown eyes and the dimples. Damn those Hilléno good looks."
Even though Jorginho continued crunching on his snacks and playfully engaged with his little brother in return, shoving him away and making him almost lose his balance with the natural strength, the taste of the sweets went sour in his mouth.
He did not even need to turn to Jennifer to realize that she was feeling the exact same way and Jorginho did not know whether this made his heartrate giddily rise in his chest out of some perverse acceptance or for it to make his heart tumble down to his feet where his scarf had once found itself.
Jorginho wished that Sammy hadn't made those comments. He loved his little brother with all his heart but sometimes he just did not get the whole situation, as much as he wanted to. He did not have the same views as his parents did. They hadn't been on the cusp of many things like he had been, and therefore their way of thinking could be solid sometimes. Black and white. And uncolored by the innocence of a younger soul.
Perhaps Jorginho envied how easily he could say this name as if it didn't carry all the weight of the world. Sometimes he liked it. His father's name could be dropped into a conversation, and it was like somewhere and somehow, he was alive out there and it just took the right amount of repeating his name to wander back into his life.
And then other times, it made him want to weep all those tears that he had kept inside of him for far too long.
Jorginho did not think they would ever move forward. All of them would remain in the exact same place forever.
Despite this, once he recovered from the moment before and even settled Sammy with giving him the last few snacks to crunch on, he showed that he wanted things to move even if they did not move forwards. Even if they moved sideways. Jorginho wanted to at least try.
He began to turn to Jennifer, making conversation with her.
"So, Jennifer," he paused after wrapping his tongue around one word and then continued. "Is there anything else you're hoping to do while you're-"
Jorginho was not given the opportunity to bravely make conversation with the older woman.
Just like he had returned from accompanying Daisy from the restroom in his own time, Peter came back. And all of a sudden, he was right behind Jennifer, healing hands clamping down on her shoulders. They rested there.
"Well, isn't this cozy? What are you up to?" he broke his silence. Jorginho couldn't help but hear it in a tone that matched his hair color and glinting gaze, especially when he unpeeled one hand from his wife to brush the back of his hand against his solid shoulder. "Do you mind?"
Another question came while his hand wafted dismissively against Jorginho's shoulder. Only Sammy watched as his brother's mouth momentarily clamped shut before he managed the words sure, no problem, even if it had the potential to be quite the problem.
Jorginho left his seat from sitting next to Jennifer so Peter could take his place and because the log that Sammy was perched against was only enough for one behind, he had to move around to the other table to sit against a trunk that was unusually separate from the other seats.
Jennifer didn't show that she noticed this too. In fact, she didn't show all that much at all. She did not relax either when Peter unstuck his hands from her shoulders and sat down next to her. Her posture was back like she was sitting on a cactus. She had started to be able to look at Jorginho. But not anymore.
Sammy decided to be the one to answer his father's questions, for more reasons than just because he could feel his icy eyes scanning from one person to the next.
His smile was as painted and as practiced as Jennifer's had been at one point. Like mother like son.
"We were just reminiscing my brother and Daisy's wedding day. How lovely a day it was." Sammy began his words like he was reading a script but then he started to get into it as sincerity thumped his heart with a few extra beats.
He knew that he was not imagining things with the soft gaze that he felt omitting from Jorginho just for him. He noticed the wordless validation. The solidarity. Sammy sat up further in his seat, towering offer Jennifer.
Jorginho's gaze glossed over when he could feel Peter choosing to look over at him and his mouth pressed together, no dimple appearing and choosing not to say anything. He half waited for the mention of Daisy to lead Peter to realize that she was missing from the group. But then he realized how foolish that was of him.
Peter was not interested in many things outside of his own bubble. And he was certainly not interested in him.
While Jennifer took an absentminded breath inward that felt as icy in her nostrils as her husband's natural stare, Peter caught everybody off guard by fixing more than just his eyes on Jorginho. His attention and his touch were bestowed upon him.
It took everything in Jorginho's power to not look down his strong nose at the grip on his bicep.
"I was watching the two of you before I headed off to the men's room." Peter began. Not an ideal way to start. Jorginho's skin was privately crawling at the touch, and now he loathed the idea of being watched. He knew it couldn't be positive. "I am continually over the moon at your new union. It was a lovely day."
Jennifer smiled stiffly at her husband's words and Sammy decided to give the benefit of the doubt, settling down in his seat to his usual height and nodding his head at what his father had to say.
Jorginho stopped being able to ignore the touch poisoning his arm and hoped that by using that arm to run his hand across his beard inadvertently encouraged Peter to let go. It worked. For a rare occasion, he felt a glimpse of attaining the upper hand.
Jorginho did not smile like Sammy did or even like Jennifer did. His head bobbed just once. He thanked Peter cooly. Indifferently.
"Thank you." Jorginho said. Within the privately flipping pits of his stomach, he was proud of himself that he had managed to resist the urge to add more words. Oh, how he would have loved to mutter sarcastically that he was overjoyed at the older man's approval!
But it wouldn't have been worth it. Jennifer would look his way even less. And he would probably find some way to use it as a lecture towards Sammy.
When Peter wanted to go after something, he nearly always achieved his vision. He often alluded this to his deep relationship with the Lord – the truest relationship that he had ever had. However, Jorginho couldn't help but curse He who he didn't entirely believe in when for some reason, Peter wished to go after conversation with him on that day.
When Peter wanted something, there was no stopping him. Everyone had to wait to see how his words unfolded.
They all knew it would go sour eventually.
"Have you started making plans for a family of your own yet?" Peter interrogated. While Sammy squirmed in his seat, thinking that was a bit of a personal remark, Jorginho could not help but feel that he said everything without saying anything. He was not welcome in their family. "I'm sure - Jordan and Lynne - is it? Well, I'm sure they will be delighted to have another grandchild."
Jorginho engulfed the stiffness of Jennifer's previous smile into his body and showed it to Peter from sitting in his lonely seat. She had started reaching for her empty coffee cup for something to do, tracing her painted fingernail along the bubbly words.
Despite feeling like he was sitting on his own sharp object and knowing exactly what those words meant too, Jorginho answered promptly. Cooly again. But with less indifference.
"I'm sure." He echoed, the false curve of his smile forcing his moustache to move on his face before he brushed it down with his fingers even though it hadn't altered his appearance that much. "If we are blessed with a baby of our own then no doubt will the joy be shared among many people."
It was his turn to recite words like he was reading from a script. But after Sammy leaned forward in his seat, acting like he was lifting his boot under the table closer to him to tie his laces, Jorginho could feel his brother's face entering his periphery and it made him realize that he meant these words.
Of course, he did. Sammy's gesture made him able to feel his own words melting into his heart. There was truly nothing more than he wanted with Daisy than to have a family of their own. And to be the parents that they both had never had.
It shouldn't have been a surprise that Peter was able to turn the subject into one that delighted him most of all.
"Well, I pray that you are blessed with a baby. You may be a non-believer, but God provides for everyone." Peter said, before turning his head towards his two family members and waiting for them to nod. Jennifer did weakly. But Sammy frowned. Peter, however, turned his attention away from Sammy quickly after noticing this and he couldn't tell whether it was because he found more words he longed to say or dismissing his expression. "And how wonderful that your little one will have two parents. A mother and a father."
Jorginho may have been able to inwardly curl his lip at the first comment, used to the kind of talk that he had once grown around – but the next comment wasn't something he could so easily ignore. At first, he couldn't tell what Peter was referring to, and as much as she didn't mean to do it, it made Jennifer unable to resist looking across at Jorginho fleetingly while he felt compelled to do the same to her.
It was, however, Sammy who questioned his father. Jorginho and Jennifer's cheeks stung with a private blush of a rose. But the thorns of the rose pierced Sammy's skin. And he couldn't help but feel that this comment was a dig towards him too.
He leaned across the table for a different reason this time, his heavy black boot thwacking down against the leaves on the ground.
"Excuse me?" Sammy couldn't help but splutter, feeling a temper that he had spent years melting away from coming to the surface like a forgotten child who just yearned for attention. "And what is wrong with having two mothers or indeed, two fathers?" his thick black eyebrows formed a union in case he was alone in his hurt. "You only know the joy of being a grandfather thanks to two men having children together."
Jorginho wasn't shy about nodding his head in agreement. What did he have to lose? He was already intrinsically at loss in Peter's mind for not having the same beliefs.
While he did not verbally defend his brother – he was going a good job at that himself – he did reach his foot out underneath the table and plant it next to Sammy's boot. He wasn't sure that he could feel it, but he took comfort in the fact that it was there.
He would never be alone. They would always walk together. Even if they walked different paths. Jorginho would always wait for Sammy on the other side.
There was such a long pause between Sammy's questions and Peter finally setting them straight that even Jennifer almost stopped tracing the lettering on her cup for the hundredth time and piped up herself. Whether she intended to defend her son to her husband or not was unclear. She did not get the chance either way.
Peter looked coolly over his son. Immediately, Sammy felt stung by receiving the same dismissive wave of a hand that he had bestowed upon Jorginho.
"I didn't mean it like that, Sammy. You must know that." Peter shut the conversation down, the frostiness of his eyes setting up a home in his throat and causing his tone of voice to breeze through everyone. Sammy remained red-cheeked. "What I meant," he turned to Jorginho. Jorginho did not want his attention, much less his explanation. "Is that you and Daisy will be given the baby exactly meant for you. And that baby is meant to have you two as parents. A mother and a father. The masculine and the feminine in perfect harmony to nurture new life."
Jennifer had to admit that her husband had done a good job at turning what she knew deep down was a spiteful comment into something also in align with his beliefs, as paradoxical as they were. But when she chose to fill her vision with more than just the lettering on her cup for half a second, she could see that their son had not been consoled.
Within the words that Peter shot towards him, all he could hear was the words not good enough! Not good enough! Not good enough!
It was the spiky lashed appearance of her sweet son and his mottled cheeks that caused her to finally find her voice. She settled on saying something non-committal. But her presence around the table changed things in the same way that her words hinted newness to come.
"A new life brought into the world. A kind of newness for more than just the little baby." Jennifer said, and Sammy's cheeks slowly began to resume to their usual color, like bathwater disappearing down a plug hole.
Jorginho did not say anything, much less look over to who these words were coming from. But he used her sentences as permission to let go. To let everything go. The subtle hostility towards his brother and his brother's family life. And the dig that Peter had purposely taken towards his wife.
He was never going to let her forget the past, was he?
Peter, thinking that it was his profound words that encouraged his wife to find words of her own, nodded his head approvingly and wrapped his arm around her shoulders from next to her. He did not know why she shrugged his touch away.
Perhaps she was already warm from her coffee, he told himself.
Peter turned to Jorginho all over again.
Jorginho privately thought that if he garnered this much attention by being a non-believer then he was so glad to not walk the same path as Peter! Imagine!
"I have to say, Jorginho, that I am delighted that this is the path that you have chosen for your life." He spoke. Again, Jorginho had to fight the urge not to bitterly mutter that he felt so honored to finally have his approval. "You've ditched the path of driving on both sides of the road, as it were." Peter resisted the urge of scoffing at the memory. And instead rested his hand on Jorginho's arm again, trusting that this time, his touch would be welcome. "You're now a real man. A worthy husband."
Again, Sammy fell for the bait even if the trap had not been laid out for him. His cheeks had only just drained back to their usual color and now heat was biting at them rather than the chill of the winter that everybody was sat outside surrounded by.
While Jorginho felt no qualms as Jennifer had done by shrugging Peter's touch away from him, preparing his retaliation, Peter had clearly gone far enough with his words that it was Jennifer who found her voice.
Her Paldean blood had run cold rather than fiery. She did not have the same punch these days, since Jorginho had met Daisy, and it was clear that he had found the love of his life and the courage to forget his own past. She was alone in her hurt. In her memories.
But she still knew the difference between right and wrong. And oh, how wrong she felt her husband was being in that moment.
"Peter." She merely spoke her husband's name. Jennifer did not need to shake her head. Peter stopped wondering why Jorginho had shrugged away his touch and looked back at his wife. "Are those words necessary?"
Sammy could not help but think that his mother did not know who she was talking to. He loved his father dearly. Always had done. But the man always thought his opinions were very necessary. As if he had direct contact with higher powers and his words meant as much to everybody as scriptures written down.
It was his honor to criticize. It was his desire to state. It was his pleasure to put down.
Sammy understood that side of his father less and less and as he formed opinions of his own and his own, unique, relationship with his Saviour.
The way that Peter's head twitched towards Jennifer and his eyelashes grooved together indicated that it was her words that he deemed unnecessary. Perhaps it was this or it was the whole situation entirely that caused Jorginho to stand up for himself.
Part of him could not believe that he had been defending his private life to Peter since he was fifteen years old.
"I mean… I may be a husband now, but I still am as I was before." Jorginho began, finding it ridiculous how yet again he had to spell out that he had enjoyed the company of all people in his lifetime. His glasses glinted in the daylight, taking the heat off his subtly burning gaze. "Just a whole lot more thanks to Daisy."
Jorginho adjusted his thick rimmed glasses on his face with his hand and in the split second that Sammy looked across from him, his cheeks continually on fire and so painfully so that he could not think of his own words, the younger male saw the hurt hidden behind the cool exterior.
He had told Jennifer that he knew very well how Peter could stop you living the life that you wanted. He would always be glad that he had been brave enough to fly above those restraints. Jorginho had been too.
But Sammy understood that there would always be a lost teenager inside of you who was sick of being questioned. And just wanted to be accepted.
Whether she spelled this out or not, Jennifer had received a front seat ticket in observing two teenage boys who once were at such turmoil wondering where they fit in – and who they slotted in with.
I'm sure that it was this that encouraged her to speak.
"Beautifully put." Jennifer did not utter the word Jorginho. But her were words for him and for him alone, and Jorginho's stomach stopped flipping for his teenaged self and instead settled. But they went into a frenzy all in one that she had decided to break the distance with him in a small way.
He adjusted his glasses one more time before looking away. He did not know what to say. He wished he did. But he did not want it to end even worse for anybody. He could tell how scrambled she had felt since he had met Daisy.
Jennifer wasn't allowed to be his mother. And therefore, she wasn't allowed to be Daisy's mother-in-law either.
"Once again, I know that you are more intelligent than you are acting and deep down you know that I didn't mean it like that." Peter began his words. Everybody around the table wished that he would stop there. They felt that it shouldn't get any worse, but they knew that it could! "Many things can be a savior. Love included. You may be a skeptic, but I trust even your heart knows that change for the better is possible."
Peter had once dismissed Sammy's feelings and without saying the words at all, had told him that not everything was about him. And that somehow, his words did not apply to him. They were only to be slapped upon Jorginho.
There and then, however, Sammy could not ignore the glaringly bright neon lights in his mind telling him that his father was trying to get to them both at once. He was foolish enough to think that he was foolish enough to not notice.
But he wasn't.
It took everything in his power not to slam his palm down on the table. Fortunately, Jorginho got there before him, letting his brother know that he was seen, and he wasn't alone before he looked across at him ahead of fixing his gaze on Peter.
He wasn't scared anymore. He had shunned him once. And time had proven that the right people would always find him all over again.
"Your words clearly mean a lot to you, so I thank you for sharing them with me." Jorginho began. His tone of voice, however, latched onto his words in a manner that expressed that he did not mean them one bit. Jorginho looked at his brother protectively before sitting taller across from Peter on his lonely log. "But I'll thank you more to drop this subject. I don't care what you think of me. But I know that my little brother still does. I have found my wife. And while Sammy figures out his own path, I expect you to show him unwavering consideration and support as your flock."
Following his words, Jorginho grunted in a manner that showed that he was done and longed to get up from the table. But under Peter's gaze that was quickly turning from frosty to purely hateful, Jorginho was as stuck as everybody else was.
Sammy breathed out shakily upon hearing his brother defending him and knew that he loved him more than anybody. He hated how he was having to start again. And he hated how he knew that his father was secretly praying that when he found somebody knew then it wasn't another man, as much as he had tolerated Justin eventually.
What Sammy loathed most of all was that he couldn't find his voice before Peter effortlessly called upon his. Surely Jennifer felt the same. But maybe she didn't. Maybe she had the most faith of all and trusted things were exactly as they were meant to be.
The day out certainly turned into a whole lot more.
"Little brother?" It was Peter's turn to echo. For some reason, Jorginho anticipated him turning on him for disrespecting his congress rather than picking up on these words that had not slipped out. They had been intentional. Sammy had been brave enough to reiterate that they came as one and Jorginho had stolen some of that courage for his own. "You were born out of sin and your life will continue to be nothing but that despite the changes that you have made. The shadows follow you everywhere." Peter began to hiss. "You are not part of this family, and you never will be."
To this day, Jorginho wonders why it was him defending Sammy that caused Peter to finally show the hatred towards him that he had kept buried inside him for the entire day – let alone since he stumbled back into Jennifer and Sammy's lives.
He supposes that it was the union that the two of them presented. The brotherhood. The two closer to Jennifer than he would ever be. Even if Jennifer couldn't look at him. She couldn't once again there and then. But this is because she was looking over at Peter, blood rushing through her veins and encouraging her head to pound.
Jennifer's heartrate in her own mind was so loud that she wasn't sure it was her own words when they spluttered out.
"I will not let you speak like that to my son every again." Jennifer said, her tone of voice so far off from the fiery young mother that she had once been and silently prayed that she could still be that if she hadn't said the words my son, she would have assumed that the words hadn't come from her. "¡Dios mio."
When Jennifer added this, past the throbbing that was taking over her ears and her temple too, she knew that it just had to be her voice. Her brown eyes blurred, watching her husband stop looking so hatefully fixated at Jorginho and instead fill his gaze with her.
Peter looked right at her, blinking.
"Excuse me?" he had decided to repeat Sammy's words from before but despite this, Jennifer knew that these words were not coming from her sweet son.
Her eyes were blurring. But as Peter fixed his gaze on her, calmly confused, calmly annoyed – like the ease before a brutal storm – she realized that she had never seen so clearly in all her life. It was as if all the moments that she had ignored on that day were all coming together like points on a map and pointing to an undeniable sign.
She had a chance to change things. She suddenly realized that she had a chance to change things. For her. For everyone.
Jennifer could feel her husband looking into her eyes and somehow saw him clearer than ever before. He was not actually confused. He wanted her to repeat herself. Or rather, to realize that she did not wish to repeat herself and back down.
He was not actually a patient man. Not actually her savior. He had never let her forget her past while simultaneously begging her to. Convincing her to. Forcing her too.
Jennifer was the one who, in the end, slammed her hand against the table. She stood up on shaky feet. She was not scared anymore. Jorginho had been worthy of new beginnings. And oh, how she wanted them too.
"I will not let you speak to my son that way ever again." Jennifer repeated, tears pricking to the surface of her eyes, but she used them as fuel as much as she used the heartbreak of seeing Sammy standing in her periphery but Jorginho remaining seated. He was the one truly none the wiser. "I will not let you speak to either of my sons like that ever again." Perfectly timed, her voice cracked as Jorginho's head swung around. "You always so purposefully make me feel so ashamed of my past. Our past. But it is clearly not so shameful for everyone if time and time again, He has brought Jorginho back to me."
Many people had waited for this day. Heartbreakingly, Jorginho was not one of them. He believed that it never was going to happen. Sammy, however, had thought about it many a time. Had daydreamed about it. The possibilities had kept him up at night. Electrified, he dreamed of the day that their mother could call him a son and he could call him his brother wholeheartedly. Blissfully. Without shame. Without a shadow.
It was because of this that tears rushed to Sammy's eyes the most. And while Jorginho, on as shaky legs as his mother, stood to his feet, Sammy did not hesitate to clasp his tattoo etched hand around his wrist.
They were a unit. They were brothers. And they were not going to let Peter speak to Jennifer in any way either.
"I think you need to consider whether your words are necessary, Jennifer." Peter retaliated with ease. With a shrug. With indifference. Sammy watched with his heart in his throat that his dad, suddenly, didn't seem to care.
Who was this man? And why had he been so unaware of him before?
It may have been a colossal moment, and colossally complicated too, but it very much was everything that Jennifer needed. To make peace with her past. To take it with her. And to realize that she did not need to be forgiven. To only forgive herself.
If Peter wasn't going to let her forget then she would simply walk away from him.
Out of nowhere, all her lost pieces came together at once. Jennifer seethed at Peter for the first time in a long time.
"They are very necessary, Peter. I won't let you stop me from treading along a path that I know has been calling to me for years. But you have been drowning out." Jennifer fiercely sniffed, not bothering to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. She suddenly didn't care if she smeared her make up. She fixed her drizzling eyes on Jorginho – her son – before back at Peter with more wetness escaping. "I don't even know if Jorginho wants to be close to me again." Her tone grew thick but did not lose its heat. "But if he does then I will spend all my time making up for the time that I let you make me lose. To hell with you."
Jennifer wanted to speak that last part in her native tongue, but she knew that that would push Peter over the edge. As clearly as she was seeing things now and she was realizing that he was not the man that he claimed to be, she wouldn't want anyone to hurt as much as she had been hurting since she had been but a teenager.
A young girl.
She knew that Peter was a man of many sides, but she still needed to engulf a shaky breath into her lungs and wipe her eyes with the back of her hand that time as Peter changed his tune.
He could see that he was losing her, you see. He did not realize that he had already lost her.
Frozen eyes of his melted into puddles. He could not lose the person who believed in him the most. Believed him the most.
Who would he be then?
"You don't mean any of that." Peter began to shake his head, Sammy needing to grip onto Jorginho's wrist for more than solidarity at that point. His relationship had only just crumbled from around him. Now the image of his father was disappearing fragment by fragment. Peter got to his feet to tower over Jennifer all in white. But he seemed smaller than usual. "You've spent the better part of your life by my side and basking in redemption. We have Sammy now. The twins. We don't need shadows from the past luring you into temptation."
What was it with Peter and shadows? Jorginho just had to wonder this. It wasn't the first time that this had been stated. Hell, it wasn't even as if he hadn't heard these words coming only from Peter. He had made peace with the fact that he would always be a person that people couldn't make their mind over.
Was he a saint or a sinner? Was he brave for welcoming pleasure or was he a charlatan? Was his unique path admirable or pathetic?
Whatever was the case, he had a shadow. He suddenly didn't care whether it was true or not. Whether he was born in sin and destined to die in sin or not. He had always seen the way that Jennifer looked at Peter. Both with a perfectly perverse mixture of admiration and fear.
Now all he could see was fear. Hurt. She had allowed herself to feel this way towards him, but it was not her fault. It was his. He had lied about redemption. Redemption did not come from fear. It came from love. From patience. From forgiveness.
All things that Peter lacked.
Jorginho may have his shortcomings like anybody, but these three things were things that he very much had. He suddenly intended to bestow them upon Jennifer. Upon his mother. He did not tell her that he accepted her offer of closeness by spelling out the words. He instead said these words.
Sammy watched as, suddenly, he was standing on sturdy legs next to Jennifer and he too was looking down on Peter.
Peter had never looked smaller in his life. Less powerful. Filled with the smallness that he accused others of possessing.
"I will not let you speak to my mother like this again." Jorginho said, decades of hatred oozing through him, but he kept it under control. It was only spoken through the venom the tip of his tongue. And the gaze that he sent straight towards Peter, looking down at him with disgust as he gently pushed Jennifer behind him, protecting her.
But Jennifer did not need protecting.
She would welcome the shield in due course. But she had been rendered voiceless for decades, just like Jorginho had had to bask in his loathing.
It was as if all words that she had pondered into the silence of the night were being shown the light of day.
Jennifer's clammy palm brushed Jorginho's pulsating fingertips as she stepped to the side of him rather than remaining behind. She wouldn't be pushed behind by a man again. Not even by either of her dear sons.
It was like music to Jorginho's ears when Jennifer found her voice again. Sammy too.
"You are going to accept me for me and my past for what it was and if you don't like that then I set you free in the same way I should have set myself free from shame all those years ago." Jennifer sniffed. But no tears gathered in her eyes. A fire was blazing. She was back. Better than ever. "You walk your path of righteousness, Peter. And you can walk it right the hell away from me."
And with that, Jennifer brushed past Jorginho a second time and moved round the other side of the table to stand with Sammy because she figured he was too filled with emotion to even think about joining them. He had seen enough. Jennifer brushed her hand across his forehead and stood beside him. He soon reached for her.
Jorginho watched them both over his shoulder.
His family.
"Do you have anything to say to that, Sammy…?" Peter watched Jennifer walk away from him, disbelieved. He didn't bother to look at the cretin that was Jorginho. He refused to. He was the reason for all the bad that had happened in their lives.
Perhaps a peculiar question to ask in the grand scheme of things. But no doubt was it filled with cunning. Peter was losing Jennifer. He had to reach for his son metaphorically and check that their threads were still intact.
Their threads had always been on the cusp of fraying. Now Sammy had seen everything. He had seen enough.
He wrapped his arms around his mother's shoulders. She had always said that he was the one thing in her life that she was proud of. Now he realized that it was only because the love that she had in her heart for both of her sons was only allowed to travel to him.
Sammy wanted to set her free from these bonds too.
"I support my mother and my brother too." He said through gritted teeth but only because he couldn't believe that he was saying them. Because he had always hoped that he would have a mother and a brother and a father too.
He felt that he was destined to lose one to gain the others. He did not know how he would cope with this. He would just have to see how things unraveled within his heart.
Jennifer moved closer to Sammy while Peter looked as if his heart was breaking. But Jorginho figured out a long time ago that he had sold his heart to the people and all he cared about was them hanging onto his every word.
Peter was forced to fix a feeble gaze on Jorginho as he started to mooch backwards, joining his two family members by their sides for the first time in his life.
Seeing this encouraged Peter to have one last fight within his vocal cords. His tone rang out impatiently for the final time, protecting his ego.
"And Jorginho?" Peter asked.
But why did he care about what Jorginho thought? Jorginho had made it perfectly clear that he did not care what Peter thought of him, so he figured that it was the same the other way around. Apparently not.
Apparently, it was not actually Jorginho who was the outcast. It was Peter.
He was left standing alone, having to deal with the image of Jorginho, Sammy and Jennifer all with their arms around each other.
Alone.
Jorginho did not enjoy the turn of events. But part of him did relish in repeating something he had said the year prior while reaching his arm around his mother's shoulders. She did not shrug away his touch.
Her hand slid into his for the first time since he had been able to confidently walk on his own.
"Like I have said to you before…" Jorginho paused as he could feel Sammy's arm snaking around his broad shoulders, offering him the unwavering support that he had longed to share. Despite it all, Jorginho had to try hard not to smirk in between his words, his glasses glinting though the sun was hiding behind a cloud. "You are a man of God. But I sincerely hope you rot in hell."
Jennifer twitched next to him, and he waited for her to inadvertently whack the back of his head. He would have welcomed it!
But she did not. Jennifer trod her own path and held God within her heart. Sammy stumbled along his own lane and looked for God in everything that he did.
God was the only person that Peter had left.
He had once believed that He had blessed him with both Jennifer and Sammy. Now he wasn't so sure. Peter suddenly wasn't sure what he believed. And that scared him.
Over the course of one day, he had lost everything that he had known. The people who believed in him the most. The people who believed him the most. The people that he did everything for.
All Peter could do was hold his head up high. But even he had to admit that the image of somebody up in the heavens guiding him was crumbling.
He told himself that it was him who was in the right. Had always been in the right. They were in the wrong. Had always been in the wrong.
And the image in his mind – in the clouds – began to come back.
"The path of sinners is a dangerous and unforgiving journey." Peter began, relishing in seeing Jennifer stiffen before growing rigid himself when he saw both Sammy and Jorginho hold her tighter – Sammy pressing a kiss to her temple. "I hope to see you on the other side and relatively unscathed."
Peter spoke. And that was that. He trod away from the group, not knowing where he was going by knowing that leaving was what he needed to do.
In his mind, his words had been spoken with firmness but with care. Like a parent disciplining and scolding their child because it was what was right for them in the end, even if their eyes were filled with tears and their cheeks red with anguish.
However, for the first time in a very long time, not just Jorginho heard the words for what they were, and all three of them were united in mind as they watched Peter disappear.
He would always believe what he believed and preached how he saw things and that was fine. Peter had always been free to do that. But other people had made him scared. Jennifer and her past haunted him. Jorginho and his own source of light baffled him. And Sammy's uniqueness perplexed him.
In the end, he was frightened by all these things. God had never rid him of his fear completely. And once he admitted this – went head-to-head with his own past like Jennifer had done – then he would be set free too.
Like Peter expressed, she hoped that they would meet again along the way. But if they didn't then that was fine too. It was all as it was meant to be.
Her son had found her over and over again, hadn't he? That was enough proof for her that what was meant to be in her life would always find her.
Jennifer couldn't believe it when she could feel both her son's arms around her frame. Understandably, a few seconds after Peter departed, she was hit with a wave that she had been stifling for a very long time.
Suddenly, Jennifer burst into tears. And as happy as she was to have them both in her life, she felt the need to cover her eyes with her hands, blocking them both from view. She did not even need to utter the words that she was just so sorry.
Jorginho had the turn to press a lingering kiss to his mother's temple and he seized it. Her arms were tightly around her frame. It was his turn to hold her. Just like he knew that she had done when he was just a baby and the spitting image of Javier.
"It's okay, Mom, it's okay." Jorginho began and part of him wondering why he was even saying these words. She probably didn't feel that it was okay. She probably didn't know how to feel. He didn't either. He felt like his tongue was slithering down his throat, blocking it, as he said the word Mom to her for the first time since he had spoken his first word. "You never have to be anything other than yourself with me. With us."
And just like that the roles were reversed. Jorginho could see himself in Jennifer's arms but of course, it was the other way around really. He knew what he had wanted her to say for all those years. Now he had the chance to say them to her. He hoped that they were the right ones.
They seemed to make her shoulders shake more and to make more sobbing noises from behind her hands. The damn had burst. But it did not merely bring destruction. A new beginning was upon them all.
And Jorginho and Sammy knew this with tears filling their own eyes and threatening to drip down their cheeks as they looked at each other before holding Jennifer tightly in both of their arms, the sides of their heads pressing against hers.
Now was their turn to hold her. And they would do so for as long as she needed. Beyond her tears drying up. They had a lot of catching up to do. They had missed out on so much.
And speaking of catching up and missing out – Daisy returned to the scene while Jennifer's blotchy face was revealed from behind hands and right as Sammy and Jorginho felt that this was the queue for their sniffling to start.
Immediately, Daisy noticed that Peter was missing even though he had not noticed her gone and she assumed the worst, holding one palm over the center of her chest and the other to her stomach to settle it. Her first reaction was to join them but then she stopped herself.
Jorginho wasn't allowed to be Jennifer's son. She wasn't allowed to be her daughter in law.
Daisy tentatively approached while Sammy wiped his eyes with the back of her hand and Jennifer smiled feebly and Jorginho's tears dripped right down into his dimples, practically forming a puddle.
Her hands did not leave her chest and her stomach even as she broke the distance with the group. Her eyes asked if Jorginho was okay – if everyone was okay. Jorginho's eyes may have been swimming pools, but they were not rendered useless.
He, however, allowed his mouth to do the talking. His head nodded. And with a hand that he unhooked from Jennifer, he welcomed Daisy into the embrace and pulled her close too.
"How could I be anything other than okay, my love? I have my brother right here. And my mother too." Jorginho said and straight away, Daisy's heart skipped a beat for him, and her eyes did not stop from becoming meadows on a rainy day. She relished in being pulled close to a family she had suddenly been invited into. And she trusted in Jorginho, shutting her damp eyes when his hand moved from her waist and to her belly where only the two of them knew a bump resided. "And I'll soon have a baby boy or girl or whoever too."
This last part was said as a whisper. But Jennifer and Sammy were in close proximity.
After feeling part of their hearts shattering at all that had gone on, just like all of Jennifer's lost pieces came back to her, all fragments of their souls were found again with that simple sentence. That simple sentence that contained such a magnitude.
It really was a new beginning. It was not yet even Spring, but winter had already promised a better tomorrow.
The past had been painted in a kinder light. The rubbish had been shown the door. Voices made their way back to owners and were heard loud and proud. Outsiders were welcomed. Were cherished. And new life was on its way.
No doubt would it be a new life for Jorginho and for Jennifer. But it would be a whole new life for Peter too.
It was time for him to learn about himself away from everybody else. And if he was able to stumble back into the lives of his loved ones then, well, he just had to count his lucky stars, didn't he?
He would have to thank them instead of God. For giving him another chance after so vehemently refusing to offer it to anybody else.
But that didn't matter anymore. That didn't matter to Jorginho. For the first time in his life, not only did he have his original family, but he had a new one brewing.
He had never been happier.
And unlike Peter, he hadn't needed to step on anyone to achieve it.
Who really was the saint and who was the sinner?
You had to wonder.
The End.
There you go, thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! So yeah, a bit of a long and heavy one but a very big turning point in the lives of them all really, but especially Sammy, Jennifer and Jorginho. The big reasoning behind Jorginho never settling down until falling for and marrying Daisy is because of his upbringing and the fact he's never been able to have a mother's love. It impacts him but it impacts all the family, as you can see. And you can read a bit more about how this scenario growing up has impacted Jorginho's romantic relationships in The One Where The Past Paves The Future. Sammy's father is a bit of a complicated character. No doubt has he provided a great life in some ways for his family - but he certainly rules with an iron fist and lets his beliefs be known. I really liked writing Sammy and Jennifer here. You can see there's a slightly unusual dynamic between them too - with the way Jennifer has to bestow all her love for both her sons on just Sammy. But at the end of the chapter, that changes. And I cannot wait to tackle more of Jennifer and Jorginho properly rebuilding their bond! Thanks again for reading and I will be back to update this story on March 23rd because it is my best friend, Shannon's birthday, and like every year, I will be gifting something to her! See you all then perhaps :)
Amy signing out!