Focus, Bella. C'mon, focus. Where are you…
It felt like she was fumbling around in her own head, trying to find the doorway in a doorless room.
There!She triumphed, pushing as hard as she could against her shield, feeling it peel away from her painfully, like it was the top few layers of her skin.
"Gah!" She opened her eyes, her useless breaths coming in quickly.
"I caught a glimpse again that time. You're getting better," Eleazar said.
"I still don't know why I need to learn how to do this. I can shield everyone just fine," Bella replied, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"Learning how to completely control your shield, making it bend to your every will, is going to help you immensely. You may discover new advantages, the same way you used it like radar when Jamie was pursuing you. It likely saved Esme's life."
Bella had no response to that. She desperately wanted to succeed; having a goal gave her something to focus on, and made it seem less like waiting around for disaster to strike. But she felt like she was disappointing everyone by failing day in and day out.
"Don't worry, mija. You'll get there eventually," Carmen said as she pushed Bella's hair away from her face.
The Denali coven had been down for three days, and Eleazar had been working with her on her shield from almost the moment they arrived.
"I didn't realize vampires could feel exhausted," Bella said, her hands wringing together in anxiety. An old human habit, she supposed.
"Mental exhaustion for the gifted is common when you push your limits," Eleazar assured her.
"It's true, Bella. The night you showed up, I thought I was going to pass out trying to contain you," Jasper, who was talking to Emmett in the adjacent room, chimed in.
"You mean you don't routinely paralyze other vampires with ease?" Bella joked. She had wondered about that, though. Jasper had completely incapacitated her that night. Why couldn't he do that to the whole army?
"Nope," he answered. "It took pretty much everything I had. I can't remember the last time I had to exert myself like that. Certainly not since Maria."
Bella felt comforted for some reason. Maybe she wasn't as weak as she had thought.
"Let's try again," Bella said, looking at Eleazar.
He nodded and smiled encouragingly.
Bella closed her eyes; it had been disconcerting at first, cutting off one of her senses, but it connected her more closely to her shield.
The first step had become easier, finding the seam between her mind and the shield. But where was the door?
As she mentally fumbled around again, her anxiety began to grow. When she had suggested having Jasper help her control that, Eleazar had nixed the idea. He wanted her to be able to do it completely on her own.
Bella drew in a breath, hoping to calm herself.
There it is. With another deep breath, Bella began pushing slowly at the seam. It was elastic and clingy, like a vacuum-sealed bag. As she pushed harder, it seemed to collapse on her with equal strength.
Breathe.
With another mentally-painful heave, Bella felt it separate from her fully.
It felt nearly impossible to hold it for long, but she strained against it, fighting. She felt her eyes scrunch up in effort, she felt the wood of the chair she was gripping splinter in her fingers. She heard activity around her, but no one spoke.Good, she thought. She wouldn't be able to maintain the absolute focus necessary.
After seven long seconds, the elastic shield overpowered her and snapped back into place.
When she opened her eyes, Eleazar had a look of mixed awe and bemusement.
"Bella, that was amazing. Your shield, it's…" he trailed off, still appearing to process whatever it was he had seen in her mind.
When Bella turned to Edward, though, his eyes were shining with pride and wonder.
Oh,Bella thought.Oh.
Edward had seen her mind. He had read her thoughts. He had experienced the strain and effort she had just endured.
All of a sudden, Bella felt self-conscious. She had not only been mentally exposed to a near stranger who was evaluating her clinically, but also to her lover, the person whose opinion she valued most.
She dropped her eyes to the floor, feeling shaken and tired. Vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable.
"Eleazar, I hear we've been making progress down here." Carlisle had been upstairs but had certainly heard everything. "Have we learned much?"
"Yes, quite a bit, actually," Eleazar replied, his scrutinizing gaze still on Bella.
"So that was helpful?" Bella asked, lifting her eyes to focus on Eleazar.
"Very. Your shield is like a layered bubble. You can expand the outer layer to encompass others, as you have learned to do already. However, the first layer is always fitted to you alone. Removing that is obviously something that would go against one of your strongest and most developed instincts: self-preservation."
"We already knew all of that," Bella said, trying to keep her tone neutral despite her impatience.
"Yes, but being able to visualize it...it's amazing." Eleazar looked every bit the mad scientist as he held his hands up to explain. "There is virtually no limit on how far your shield can expand. I believe you said that you were comfortable if Jamie was within a mile of you, even though he preferred you much closer. But I think with practice, you could extend that limit quite a bit further. And it would be interesting to see if you could step away from the shield and still have it be effective over someone else."
"How about one experiment at a time," Bella joked nervously.
"Of course, of course. But I think there is a lot of untapped potential here," Eleazar said, and despite his clear excitement at the new discoveries, there was something else in the undertones of his voice.
Bella's suspicions were confirmed when she caught Eleazar and Carlisle sharing the briefest of looks. A silent communication.
Bella looked at Edward, who grinned at her, but stiffly.
"What is it? What am I missing?" Bella decided to call them out on it.
"It's nothing Bella, it's just that…" Carlisle began.
"What?"
"Aro, of the Volturi, he's what you might call a collector. It's what I was used for in my time with them," Eleazar explained.
"Collector of vampires?" Bella asked.
"Yes, gifted ones, in particular. And there is no uncertainty that he would find you to be very valuable."
"Does he give people a choice?" Bella asked nervously.
"Yes," Eleazar answered, his voice wavering slightly.
"Jamie was worried about that. He didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to Xavi and me."
"I'm sure he was. He's nothing if not smart," Eleazar answered. "And I'd be willing to bet that he had some variation of my gift, as well. You don't just stumble upon the talent he did randomly."
"Jamie is gifted?" Bella asked.
"I'm as sure of it as I can be without meeting him," Eleazar replied.
Their conversation was interrupted then.
Alice appeared in the room, Jasper right behind her. She didn't say a word.
She didn't have to.
Edward's jaw snapped together and Emmett swore when he saw the stressed tableau.
There would be no more experiments with her shield, no more practice sessions with the wolves, no more planning and talking and maps and strategies.
It was finally time for action.
Bella smiled grimly.