The next couple of weeks seemed to fly by. Ron hadn't been kidding about how intense the physical and occupational therapy would be. Johnny ended every day exhausted. It was just as well that he didn't have a lot of visitors. Johnny wasn't sure he would have had the energy for them.

Now his nerves were jangling as Doctor Franklin examined him. It was impossible to get a read on what he was thinking.

Finally, Doctor Franklin nodded. "You're healing nicely. I think we can look at fitting you for a temporary prosthesis."

Johnny wasn't sure he'd heard the doctor correctly. "Really?"

"Really," Doctor Franklin smiled ever so slightly, "Of course, that doesn't mean things get easier. It's going to be even more of a challenge, but I think you're up to it."

"I'm ready," Johnny answered confidently.

"So, we'll need to take some measurements and have the temporary prosthesis made, and that's going to take some time. In the meantime, I want you to start putting those mobility aids to use."

"Believe me, I will."

"Good," Doctor Franklin smiled more fully at that before extending a hand, "Keep up the good work. It's paying off."

"Thanks," Johnny replied, feeling his own smile tug at his face. It felt like a huge step forward, light years ahead of where he'd been not so long ago. Sure, he still had a long way to go, but now he really felt as if he could start working towards something resembling a normal life.

He went through his usual routine of stretching and massage, running over the scar that went across the end of his stump. It still felt so strange, almost as if it didn't belong to him.

Would he ever truly get used to this? He didn't imagine he would. Part of him would always be missing, and not just the physical part. Being a rescue man, and then a paramedic, had become so much of who Johnny was that he didn't know how else to function.

The thought made his mood plummet almost as quickly as it had lifted. He hated these constant up and down moods. It wasn't like him, not really. At least, it had never been this bad.

Ron came into the room, snapping him out of his thoughts. He rested on the edge of the bed and set his crutches aside. "Man, I'll tell you what, they took it out of me again."

Johnny couldn't help laughing a little. "You weren't kidding. I haven't worked this hard since I was at the fire academy."

Ron chuckled. "Boot camp had nothing on this."

Johnny's mood lifted a little. It wasn't so bad, having someone who understood what he was going through. He was going to miss Ron when he left. "They're letting you out soon, right?"

"That's what they tell me," Ron nodded, "Might be in good enough shape to get on a plane. Mama wants me to come stay with her for a while. Think maybe she misses having someone to fuss over."

"I can understand that," Johnny agreed, "My aunt wants to come stay with me when I get out. I already told her I'll be staying with Roy and Joanne. I don't want her to worry. She worries enough as it is."

"Always good to know people care," Ron told him, "Not enough of that in the world."

Truth be told, Johnny wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone with his thoughts in his own place. At least if he were staying with Roy and Joanne, he'd have them and the kids around to distract him. Not that he didn't want to live independently at some point, but right now it felt safer to be with the DeSotos.

As if on cue, the door opened and Roy ambled in, nodding toward Ron before turning his attention to Johnny. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Nah," Johnny shook his head, "Good to see you."

Roy looked vaguely uncomfortable as he folded his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I know I haven't been around much."

Johnny reached for his crutches and attached them to his arms before pushing himself up. "You aren't missing anything. These therapists are beating the hell out of me. Come on, let's head out to the courtyard."

He started toward the door, and Roy quickly caught up and grabbed it just before Johnny did. Soon they were heading down the hallway that led to the visitors' area and outside.

"This is nice," Roy commented as they found a bench and took a seat.

"Beats the hell out of being stuck in my room," Johnny told him, "And it gives me a chance to practice using these things."

Roy eyed the crutches that rested between them. "Seems like you're getting the hang of them."

"Getting there," Johnny acknowledged, "I thought the wheelchair was hard. That was nothing compared to these things. Hey, did I tell you I might be getting a temporary prosthesis soon?"

Roy smiled slightly. "No, you didn't. That's great."

"Yeah, won't be as good as the real thing, but I guess I'll manage, huh?"

"I'm sure you will," Roy answered with what to Johnny sounded like a note of confidence, "Might even get out of here one of these days."

"Maybe," Johnny tried to affect a light tone, even as he'd been wondering himself how long he'd be here. Even with the increased freedom of movement, it was still a hospital, and Johnny had seen enough hospitals to last him a lifetime. "It's still okay if I crash with you guys when I get out, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Roy seemed surprised at the question, "Unless you wanna go back to your place after this."

"I mean, I'm gonna have to eventually," Johnny pointed out, "Can't crash on your couch forever."

"Don't worry about it," Roy responded, "There's always room for you."

Johnny debated telling Roy what had been on his mind. But hell, he'd already told him about the nightmares. The rest of it wasn't so bad, Johnny figured. "Yeah, uh, kinda figure maybe being alone isn't the best thing for me right now. Besides, I've gotta figure out my job situation and my transportation situation and…it's just a lot to think about, you know? Everything's different now."

"They'll find room for you in the department," Roy told him, "You don't have to worry about that."

"I'll have to sell the Rover," Johnny replied, "I can't drive it, even with a prosthesis."

They were both silent for a long moment, the reality of those words sinking in. Finally, Roy spoke up again. "That stinks. I know how much you love that thing."

Johnny nodded. "I'll find something else, I guess. Depends on how much I get for it. Then I gotta figure out how to drive it with my left foot."

A smirk twitched at Roy's mouth, and Johnny knew he was going to have some smart comment. However, he seemed to decide against it and merely shrugged. "You're pretty creative. I'll bet you'll find a way."

They talked for a while longer about nothing in particular, and Johnny appreciated the distraction from his current reality. Something about it just felt normal in a time when nothing else did.

As they were talking, Johnny noticed someone coming into the visitors' area and out to the courtyard. She looked familiar but…no, it couldn't be.

She turned around and spotted him, a slight smile gracing her face as she approached. "Hello, John."

"Hey, Mary Lynn," Johnny tried to stay casual, "Roy, you remember Mary Lynn, right? Or maybe not."

"I remember," Roy smiled slightly, "Nice to see you again."

"You too," Mary Lynn nodded as she turned her attention back to Johnny, "Looks like you're making progress."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah," Johnny rested his hand on the crutches. "Might even get a temporary prosthesis before long."

"That's great," Mary Lynn's smile grew a little wider, lighting up her whole face, "Well, I'm supposed to be meeting a friend of mine for lunch. It was nice to see you."

"Hey, yeah," Johnny responded, "And hey, you can always swing by for a visit if you want."

Mary Lynn tilted her head in thought before nodding. "I might do that."

Johnny didn't dare get his hopes up, but he nodded in response before Mary Lynn walked away. Roy gave him a curious look. "Still charming every girl that crosses your path, I see."

Johnny shook his head as he grabbed his crutches and attached them so he could push himself off the bench. "I don't know about that. Not like I have a lot to offer right now."

"Still, it's always good to have more friends in your corner," Roy commented as they made their way back inside, "And if you're lucky, it could turn into something more."

"Not looking for a goddamn nursemaid, Roy," Johnny answered sharply.

"I didn't mean that," Roy shot back, "Come on, now."

Roy's tone gave Johnny pause, and he let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't mean to…you know what? Forget it. Just forget it."

"No, I get it," Roy shook his head, "I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sure Mary Lynn's a nice girl, and if she does come see you, that's a good thing. That's all."

Johnny nodded at that. "Well, hey, I'm sure you have other things to do. Glad you came by."

"Yeah, I'll make sure to stop by more often," Roy answered, "You want me to go back to your room with you?"

"Sure."

They started the long walk back to Johnny's room, and Johnny found himself more tired than he normally would have been. The crutches weren't exactly lightweight or all that easy to maneuver, and Johnny was relieved when they finally made it back to his room. He said his good-byes to Roy and made his way to the bed to sit down.

"Hey, about time," Ron told him, "You damn near missed lunch."

"Got to talking, that's all," Johnny responded, "And hey, guess who came through."

"Who?"

"Mary Lynn, that therapist from Rampart I was telling you about."

Ron arched an eyebrow. "She come to see you?"

"No, no," Johnny shook his head as he started eating, "I guess a friend of hers works here. She was meeting her for lunch."

Ron smirked. "But now she knows where to find you. Always good to have more people. Might turn into something, you know."

"Doubt it," Johnny didn't want to talk about this again.

"Come on, man," Ron scolded him, "You're young, you're nice looking. You've got a lot to offer."

"Not right now I don't," Johnny nearly snapped.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Listen, once you're up and moving with that new leg, you're gonna be unstoppable. Chicks'll be all over you. Maybe one in particular."

"I'm not counting on it," Johnny told him firmly.

Ron seemed to decide to drop the subject, and they finished lunch before they headed off to their respective therapy sessions. As Johnny entered the physical therapy room, Cheryl greeted him with a smile. "Hi, John."

"Hey," Johnny answered with as much cheer as he could muster, "Ready for you to torture me some more."

Cheryl laughed at that. "You're tough enough to take it. Let's get started."

They picked up where they had left off that morning with some balance exercises. These were the ones that really took it out of him, though he knew, as Cheryl kept reminding him, that these would help him once he was able to be fitted for a prosthesis.

"You're doing great, John," Cheryl told him. "Now, let's get into some stretches. I have some new ones that I think you're ready for."

They got down on the floor, and Cheryl started guiding him through the stretches. After all the work he'd been doing, these actually felt good. Afterward, he sighed and closed his eyes.

"Don't get too comfortable," Cheryl told him, "You're going to have to get up off the floor."

"I know."

He rolled up into a sitting position, using a nearby chair to push himself up and into the chair in one move before grabbing his crutches. Cheryl nodded in approval. "That was good. You're improving and adapting just like you're supposed to."

"Great." Johnny was aware of how short he sounded, and he shook his head. "Sorry, it's just, well, I guess it's been an up and down kind of day."

"Most days are," Cheryl told him. "Recovery isn't linear. You're going to have bad days. That's just part of the process. It's how you deal with those setbacks that matters."

"I know, I know," Johnny huffed irritably.

"And you can't rush this, either," Cheryl pointed out, "You can only push your body so far."

"Well, you're sure testing that," Johnny couldn't resist teasing her.

"That's my job," Cheryl responded with a short laugh, "But you also need to let me know if I'm pushing you past your limits. I'm usually pretty good at noticing that, but I can't see everything."

Johnny shrugged. "I'm so used to pushing my limits that I'm not sure I'd be able to tell, either."

"Then I'll keep an extra close eye on you," Cheryl answered, "See you tomorrow. And keep up on your other exercises, okay?"

"I will."

Johnny pushed himself upright and started out of the room, heading toward the occupational therapy room. He always felt so out of place here. After all, he was more than capable of handling most tasks, he thought. He was better off than a lot of people who were in here, struggling with simple things like holding silverware and the like.

"Hi, John," Jack greeted him with his usual good cheer, "Ready to pick up where we left off?"

"Hey," Johnny responded, "I think so."

They got to talking a little, as they often did during these sessions. "You're really coming along, John. I know this hasn't been easy. Never is for folks, really, even when it's something that was expected."

Johnny nodded. "Don't have much of a choice but to adapt, right?"

Jack laughed a little at that. "Well, you always have a choice. But you seem pretty determined to adapt. That's good. It's going to help you in the long run. And you know, if you start feeling down, that's normal, too."

Johnny scoffed and shook his head. "None of this is normal, though, is it?"

"It's not," Jack admitted, "Not at first. Thing is, your normal's going to look a little different now. You can't look back. That's not going to help you. You've got to look forward."

"I'm trying," Johnny told him, "Really. I am. I just…I don't know what I'm gonna do once I leave here."

A worried frown crossed Jack's face. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

"Oh yeah, I do," Johnny quickly explained, "I'm gonna stay with my partner…well, I guess he'll be my former partner now, and his wife. Just for a while, you know, until…well, I don't really know how long. I wanna go back to my own place, but I don't wanna be alone, either. Sounds stupid to say it out loud."

"It's not stupid, John," Jack assured him.

Johnny let out a huff. "I know all this stuff is supposed to help. You know, learning how to do everything I used to do without thinking about it. I don't know why I thought it'd be easier."

"It's a big adjustment, there's no doubt about that," Jack told him, "But you can adjust, and you will. Might just take longer than you thought, that's all. Sounds like you've got some good help, too."

"Sure, but I can't stay there forever, right?" Johnny responded.

Jack shrugged. "That's between you and them. From what you've told me though, they're happy to help you out for as long as you need it."

"I just don't wanna wear out my welcome, that's all."

"Sure, that's normal, too," Jack replied, "Most folks want to be independent. Someone like you, who's used to being on their own, doesn't want to rely on anyone. And that's a good goal to have. But there's sure nothing wrong with leaning on people when you need it."

Johnny was still overwhelmed at everything that he had to adapt to. There were so many tasks he'd barely given a second thought to that would require him to approach them entirely differently. It wasn't that he couldn't adapt, of course. His time as a paramedic had required him to adapt to all kinds of situations.

This was entirely different, and entirely permanent.

Jack regarded him with a concerned expression. "You ready to get going again?"

Johnny straightened himself up, internally chiding himself for getting down. "Yeah, I'm ready."

So many of these basic tasks required a level of balance he hadn't quite achieved yet, and he found himself unexpectedly struggling. Finally, Jack patted his shoulder. "Let's take a break, huh? We can come back to this another day."

"I don't need to stop," Johnny answered sharply.

Jack folded his arms over his chest and stared hard at Johnny. "Actually, you do. Love that determination, but you're not doing yourself any favors pushing yourself so hard. You've got to have some patience with yourself. Relearning this stuff isn't easy, and there's no point pretending it is."

Johnny hated the idea of admitting defeat. He eased himself down into a nearby chair and set his crutches aside with a sigh. Jack soon joined him.

"Listen, all of this is normal," he told Johnny, "You're going to have tough days and some setbacks. It comes with the territory. And you've got to rest, too. Otherwise you're just going to wear yourself out."

Johnny nodded at that, still not quite willing to concede the point. "I guess."

Jack laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder. "You're doing a hell of a lot better than you think you are, trust me. You'll get there."

They used the rest of the session to talk more generally, and Johnny talked about the layout of his apartment. "It's on the second floor, so I've got a flight of stairs to deal with. But it's just a one-bedroom, so it's not like there's a lot to take care of."

"Sure," Jack nodded as he took down some notes, "You have a laundry room there?"

Johnny shook his head. "I usually go to a laundromat. And that's another thing I need to figure out. I don't know how I'm gonna get around just yet. I'm gonna have to sell my Rover since I won't be able to drive stick."

"Driving isn't impossible," Jack told him, "Lots of people handle an automatic just fine. You might need to do some fancy maneuvering, but it's completely possible to drive left-footed."

"One more damn thing to learn, huh?"

Jack let out a hearty laugh. "You've got it. But you will. Just got to quit being so hard on yourself."

"Right," Johnny pushed himself upright, "See you tomorrow."

He left the occupational therapy room and started toward the visitors' area to go out to the courtyard. Once outside, he made his way to a bench and sat down, setting his crutches aside.

It was strange how small his world had become. He was supposed to be learning to manage his new life, but at the moment, it all felt so exhausting and frustrating. The little bit of freedom he did have now seemed to only taunt him, to remind him of all he was missing.

He was trying so hard, and for what? For a life that would never be the same again? It all felt so unfair.

Maybe it would have been better had he just died out there.

The dark thought caught him entirely off guard, and he shook it off. He was just tired, that was all. He'd had a tough day, not even the first one since this had happened. He was better off now than he had been when he had first woken up and realized his leg was gone.

He was managing, and as time went on, he would learn to manage his new life better. He wouldn't allow himself to get too down about it. What was the point in that? It wouldn't change anything.

A pair of birds flew through the air and landed in the branches, and Johnny watched them for a while. It wasn't as good as being out on one of his favorite hiking trails, but at least he was outside. Right now that would have to do.

He'd keep at it, he already knew that. He would adjust and adapt, and in time, he'd learn to deal with his new life. There was nothing else he could do.