Unlike Superman, the flying woman had some kind of telekinetic power. So...although she hadn't fully caught up to our...speeding Amazon delivery van, she could just flit up in the air like a Dragon Ball Z character, extend her hand...

The van lifted all the way off the ground, tilting sideways at an angle.

"What the royal fudge?" Raven cried.

Comic books flew out of a half opened box (not the Hammerspace box, by the way), smacking Jessica in the face.

She stared at the covers in absolute shock. "That shit is actually real?"

"What?" We had more important things to worry about at present, and it was kind of noisy in there with all the shifting boxes and the creaking of the van. I asked the question to imply the unimportance, but Jessica flashed the covers at me.

"Owl Woman #12! The exact issue where she defuses a bomb and saves her kangaroo hybrid son's life! Shades of Miss Terious #17, where she loses her virginity!" She dropped the Owl Woman comic, thumbing through the other one. "Gross!"

The van's sliding door...slid open, revealing our assailant, hands raised like Neo in The Matrix during that one scene where he stops the bullets (and, to a lesser extent, the one where he uses his mind to make those squid robots shut down). "Where did that glass elevator come from? How did you turn people into birds? Why did some people die, some turned into birds, and others into cartoon characters and zombies, or zombie cartoon characters? Can the condition be reversed? What did you do to Bartle Hall? How did you get animated like that? How do the Spikes work?"

I leaned out the door. "I already told you have that shit when I spilled my guts to your frog faced assistant!"

The Director clenched her fists and the roof dented. "Not good enough! Where is Whiskers? Why are there animated sheep in U.S. Bank facilities? Who is sending all those Cool World comics? Who is Vegas Vinnie? How did you make the black ooze? What does it do? Where are the Spikes? What is that jukebox? Why did you destroy your own apartment? The drawings at the hotel: What were you planning? We dug up your father's coffin—"

The Director probably would have asked more questions, but during the whole time she grilled' me, the floating pink koala had been drawing a huge circle behind the woman with her magic lipstick (the squeegee sound drowned out by all the talking), and now the koala came flying at the woman like a bullet, slamming into her stomach.

Director Faden hollered as she flew backwards through the shimmering portal containing...a jungle of eucalyptus trees populated by dozens of cute Anime style koala bears.

The woman disappeared into this forest, the hole closing behind her.

Unfortunately, her incredible telekinetic power had been the only thing holding us in the air. Our van smashed violently onto the pavement, muffler and other mechanical parts making disconcerting crunching sounds as they struck the road, tires snapping off bolts and rolling away from the axle. We became stationary.

We all got out, frowning at the damage. Even if we jacked up the delivery truck and got the tires into position, the wheel studs had broken off. We'd need to replace three entire hubs, and we didn't have those floating around in back.

...Well...at least I didn't think so. It's possible we could have had one in that pile of multitudinous cardboard boxes, but we'd kinda be violating the law or something by opening people's Amazon packages, and we'd need an X-ray machine to not be sitting around all day shaking boxes, ripping open shipping containers full of cookware, typewriters, vacuum cleaner components, furniture pieces and parts specific to vehicles we don't currently own.

"Shit," Raven grumped. "Now what?"

"Dunno. At least we're safe from that crazy Director!"

"We could still get hit by a speeding truck."

"You have hazard lights for a reason."

Raven pushed the appropriate button. "Smartass."

Jessica, at this moment, chose to inform me of the following: "Uh...Drew? A...scary owl told me that Cupcake's death left a...void that had to be filled or it'd destroy earth."

I scoffed. "So you're saying it is your fault?"

"No, no! It's still your fault for making a deal with creepy floating guys in a junkyard and creating ripples in the fabric of reality to begin with, but Misty created the void by killing Cupcake. I mean, I eventually took Cupcake's place, but honestly, I may not be doing the best job at it right now, kinda shirking responsibility a bit. She wore a lot of hats, and not just the baby farm, and that part was kinda my fault. I've been sending birds to fill in, but I think I missed a few spots...especially during the sexing incident." She swore under her breath about picking up Cupcake's vocabulary. "I mean, when we were sexing in the elevator." Jessica struck herself in the head.

"I get it." I rubbed my temples as a sea of bird voices whispered to me like a character on a Scanners movie. "And I think I know what happened. You left a couple military installations unguarded."

"Shantak-Ru and Alderbirdan!" she growled. "Shit shit shit!"

"Not to mention Gaggle Nest."

Jessica shook her head. "Such a stupid name! Of all the installations to invade, they chose that one!...Dammit, I thought she let me take over my body during sexing, I mean the elevator incident, Because I learned to rule her kingdom to her satisfaction as a just, honorable and fair ruler.'"

"Well, she did get satisfaction."

"Shut up, you know what I meant. Anyways, I think that's what's causing the problem, not me roasting the cryogenically frozen body of Walt Disney and killing Mickey Mouse."

I furrowed my brow. "You did what now?"

"Nothing! Nothing! Forget I said anything! I mean, even if that has something to do with our current situation, it's not nearly as bad as leaving that base unprotected."

"Sure."

"And again, you started it."

"You keep saying that, but then you bring up weird shit like this, and it makes me wonder."

Jessica's face literally turned red. "At least I can draw a damn car!"

"Fine, fine. Let's try to fix this mess."

"We need wheels first."

The skunk reached into the reality defying cardboard box. "Fifi will find something in Hammerspace."

As she fished around, I sniffed, and immediately thought about the time Riffraff drove me to the hotel to fight Flo. "Fifi, what did you do in the Cat-Illac?"

She gave me a blank look. "Monsieur?"

"I rode in the back seat. It smelled like skunk."

Fifi blushed. "Fifi cannot say."

"Right. Because what happens at the Shadow Realm bachelor party stays at the Shadow Realm bachelor party."

She nodded. "Fifi thanks monsieur for understanding."

My stomach flip-flopped, for reasons I couldn't quite understand.

The first thing she brought out of the box: The unnaturally bright, digitally rendered Oriental carpet from the movie Aladdin.

The moment she had it out all the way, the rug waggled its tassels and flitted about, nonverbally saying Hi, I'm a magic carpet, nice to meet you. Where's Aladdin? Anyone need a ride?'

Jessica frowned. "You have got to be joking."

I shrugged. "Hey, it's transportation."

The carpet made a nodding gesture, folding its front end toward us like a staircase.

"Yeah, but don't we have to sing some stupid song like A Whole New World the whole time we ride it?"

Carpet made a head shaking gesture.

"Okay, but animated stuff has been flaking out lately. What if we're riding high in the sky, and then that carpet suddenly becomes a thrift store carpet and we splatter on the pavement?"

Carpet pointed a tassel in a way suggestive of a person thoughtfully rubbing their chin.

"What if we just fly it at a low altitude? Porch roof level or something?"

Carpet gave a hesitant nod.

"You could still break a body part if you're not careful. My uncle broke his foot stepping off a porch. Plus that thing is super hyper. It'll probably take us to 30,000 feet just for giggles, and then splat."

Carpet pointed its tassels at Jessica's bat wings.

"I don't know if those will hold together, Mister C. I tried it once, but—"

Raven narrowed her eyes at the rug, hands on her hips. "How about we use it to levitate my delivery truck until we can reach a repair shop?"

Carpet violently wiggled a No no no!' to us, zipping away from us.

Seconds later, a semi came blaring down the freeway. Carpet smacked into its windshield, prompting feverish honks from the driver.

We all gaped, open mouthed, as the eighteen wheeler swerved back and forth between the lines, rolled off the road, and jackknifed.

Carpet tiptoed away from the scene of the accident, rocketing into the sky.

It only flew for a moment before slapping down lifelessly as a regular carpet.

A Ferrari roared through, tires tearing through Carpet's golden fiber.

"Damn!"

We all nervously eyed the semi.

Jessica gave Fifi a nervous grin. "What else you got...my royal concubine?"