A/N: I know that there's several hints throughout the books that the Heffleys live in Massachusetts near Boston but in this universe, they're Marylanders. It just feels more right to me especially since Jeff Kinney grew up in Prince George's County.

Ignore my bad attempts at writing rap lyrics, I'm just doing my best okay? :,).

Rodrick

When Plan A and Plan B didn't work out, there could be a Plan C. That's what Rodrick thought to keep himself from snapping.

After parking his van in the school parking lot, he got out of his van and tried not to be cynical about his chances with Bobbi. Before he discovered that his brat of a baby brother ate Bobbi's gift when he wasn't looking, he had watched more of the rap videos she uploaded of herself on her YouTube channel. Some of the songs she was rapping were more explicit than the first video he saw, featuring a certain word that he as a white guy could not say. He wasn't even sure he could even think the word out loud. There were a lot of lyrics about sex. But there were also other lyrics that made it clear that underneath her fierce, sexy persona was a nerd. She constantly kept referencing Spider-Man and video games in her music. Greg would probably love her for that. However the comments on her videos were full of horny, opportunistic dudes that were crushing on her as hard as he was. He was facing some stiff competition.

"We're not getting back together, ever. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap," he heard her snipe at someone. He looked over to see her in the middle of an argument with some guy. She was wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey and tight, denim jeans.

"I don't know why you're ready to give up on us over a mistake," the guy argued. He was white like he was but with a blonde buzz cut and a gold chain around his neck. Combined with the grey hoodie, it was like he was trying to do a poor impersonation of Eminem.

"A mistake is something silly ordering the wrong thing off the menu or forgetting to take the chicken out of the fridge, not fucking Ashley Peterson while I'm filming a music video. I'm tired of having to explain this shit to you for the past three months. Get the fuck out of my face," she fired back venomously before walking away from the guy. He must have been her ex-boyfriend. When she saw him, her bubbly personality returned. "Hey Rodrick!" She greeted cheerfully as she approached him.

"Hey," he greeted back, shocked at how quick she was able to change her mood. "You okay?"

"Oh yeah, that's just my annoying ex, I'm not paying him any mind," she answered, confirming his earlier thought.

"When I get tired of boys because their attitude stink like weeds, I be spitting them out like seeds," he recited, the words from her freestyle leaving his lips before he could stop them. She looked at him in surprise as they walked up the steps and entered the high school.

"Did you…have you heard one of my songs?" She asked him.

"I think I pretty much listened to all of them on YouTube," he confessed, hoping that didn't sound creepy as fuck, "They're all pretty sweet, but I like the Big Cat one the best. I wasn't expecting to hear that heavy metal beat."

"When I was growing up, my dad listened to a lot of Black Sabbath, Pantera, Mötley Crüe, Led Zeppelin, Metallichihuahua, all of those hard rock groups while I was in the car with him, making me a fan of them of them too. When it comes to music, I don't discriminate, I like whatever sounds good and I want to reflect that in my own music too," she explained.

"Well, I think I can say that your music is pretty awesome. Are you open to being a fan of Löded Diper?" He asked next in hope. He imagined her rapping over the instrumentals of their songs, dressed in that one black bodycon dress she was wearing in one of her videos… "We're trying to record our first album."

"That one song I heard from you guys was good. If the other ones are as good, yeah I'll be a fan of y'all," she answered. The idea for Plan C then popped into his mind.

"We should have our tutoring session at my house. We have a new song we're gonna start practicing. You can get a snippet," he suggested with a grin.

"We've only known each other for two weeks. My parents might get all uncomfortable about me being at a boy's house," she expressed in worry.

"Trust me when I say that my house is the most tame environment to be in. My parents are very strict about that. You're just my tutor and my friend, " he argued.

"You're giving me a ride over there?"

"I gotta pick up my little brother from his middle school so I can't give you a ride to my house but I can drive you back from my house," he answered, "Unfortunately, our parents force me to do it every day and the turd would have a problem with me if I ditched him just for one day."

The real reason was that his van was dirty as fuck at the moment and needed to be cleaned out. He had a feeling that Bobbi wouldn't be impressed at seeing all of his bags of leftover Taco Bell, KFC, and Chinese food plus clothes he hadn't washed yet. He probably should get rid of any old porn magazines too…

"I got a sister in middle school too. That's kinda cute that you do that for your little brother," she gushed, "I guess I'll try to talk to my parents about it."

"Please do," he urged, giddy at the thought of having her over his place. In the comfort of his home, Plan C to woo Bobbi Rivers should be more successful for him than anything else.

Greg

"So far, every lesson we've been learning about when it comes to reproductive health has been really boring. There was one class where we had to bring in permission slips from our parents in order to participate but the only memorable part of that day was learning about zygotes and chromosomes. Unfortunately for us kids, while the Facts of Life unit was over, a worse unit was beginning in Advanced Health: Parenting."

"Being a parent is a huge responsibility that could have devastating consequences if not done properly. Babies aren't like toys where when you get tired of them, you can just put them back into the box or get rid of them. They're tiny humans that you are obligated to raise until they're eighteen, and even then being an active parent doesn't stop when your child becomes an adult. In order for you all to truly grasp this, each of you will be taking care of an egg for a week. Treat it like you would a baby…because it'll count for twenty-five percent of your grade," Nurse Powell announced as she handed him and everyone else an egg from a cartoon.

"Nurse Powell, what does an egg have to do with a baby?" He asked out loud in confusion.

"I'm glad you asked Greg! You see, if you can't successfully take care of a little egg for a week, then how can you take care of a child?" She answered pointedly.

"The assignment still sounded dumb to me, especially when it was counting for so much of our grade. Entrusting a bunch of middle schoolers to take care of a piece of food that can easily crack is a recipe for disaster, in fact right after class, a bunch of guys decided to prove why," Greg wrote in his journal as he observed the chaos in front of him. The boys of the school were throwing their eggs at each other for shits and giggles, splattering yolk everywhere. He was narrowly avoiding the attacks by hiding around a corner near his locker. Guess these guys didn't care too much about their grade.

"Greg!" He heard Rowley say to him. He turned around and saw his best friend smiling at him with his egg in his hands. Rowley had already doodled hair, eyes, a mouth, and a bowtie on it with a crayon. There was a hat on top of it that Greg was pretty certain was meant to put on pet hamsters. "Isn't Theodore just the cutest?"

"You already named it?" Greg asked him warily.

"His full name is Theodore Reginald Jefferson!" Rowley declared proudly. Greg could only raise his eyebrow in return.

Rowley wasn't the only kid in their grade so far to get attached to their egg as if it was a real baby. As Greg looked around the hallway, he saw that dozens of girls had decorated their eggs the same way, some taking it to even higher extremes than his best friend. The issue was that it was expected of girls to do that.

"What are you naming your egg?" His best friend asked him.

"Greg Jr.," he answered flatly, "I can't believe you're actually invested in this project."

"I mean, what's wrong with practicing our parental skills early? My mom says it's never too late for a boy to learn how to be a good dad, that's why she got me the latest Lively Newborn doll for my birthday," Rowley reasoned with a shrug.

Greg thought about the one and only time he had a baby doll growing up. "When Manny was still in my mom's womb, I used to have a baby doll myself named Alfredo who could eat food and grow hair. My mom wanted to prep me on being responsible with a baby and admittedly, I became totally obsessed with him. My dad was super uncomfortable with how I was playing with Alfredo as the way I was pampering the doll wasn't exactly manly. One day Alfredo randomly disappeared and even though I looked everywhere for him all over the house, I never found him. I wasn't interested in dealing with babies anymore after that."

"The only thing I'm doing with this egg is keeping it intact. All of the extra stuff can be done by Holly if she's willing to be a mom to two chickens," Greg replied in disinterest.

He spotted his girlfriend walking with Patty. Both of them had decorated their eggs with glitter, rhinestones, and stickers from the art room. When Holly spotted him, she happily showed off her egg to him. To be supportive, he smiled at her. He then narrowly dodged an egg that was meant for the guy behind him, only for it to be yet another splattered egg on a locker.

"I heard it took the janitor all afternoon to scrub the yolks off the lockers."

Rodrick

Due to his crush's efforts, Rodrick actually knew what he was learning about in his classes these days, surprising his teachers and even himself.

In Anatomy, he was called up to the whiteboard by Mr. Jones to name as many parts of the skeletal system as possible on a blank picture of a skeleton. The entire class watched in anticipation of him epically failing at this activity but so far he wrote down where the following were: the skull, the cranium, the spinal column, the clavicle, the scapula, the ribs, the sternum, the carpals, the phalanges, the femur, the fibula, and the tibia. The more he looked at the figure, the more he was remembering the parts with names too complicated and confusing to say out loud too.

"Well I'll be dam-I mean great job, Rodrick!" his teacher complimented with widened, disbelieving eyes when he was finished, "You almost identified all of them."

"It's because of my amazing tutor," he boasted, wishing Bobbi was in the class so they could make eye contact. He actually wanted her to see the evidence that he wasn't a genuine dumbass after all. Her ex-boyfriend was in the class though, giving him a dirty look for no reason.

"Very impressive, who wants to come up and fill the rest of the blanks?" Mr. Jones praised. Rodrick went back to his seat with a smug grin as another kid got up to finish the teacher's request. Bobbi's ex wouldn't stop glaring at him for the rest of the period.

When class ended, the other guy approached him. "I don't know exactly how close you are to Bobbi, but I need you to stay away from her," the other guy warned.

"What are you, the boogeyman or some shit?" He snarked.

"I'm her temporary ex who's gonna get back together with her by the end of the semester. Until then I don't need some wannabe emo loser getting in between us," the guy insulted, and Rodrick felt his nostrils flaring in anger. He knew now why she told off this douchebag earlier.

"Says the slim shady clone. Fuck off, asswipe," he spat, shaking his head before walking away from the guy, no longer paying him any mind.

He was punk, not emo.

Greg

To keep his egg safe, Greg wrapped it around a bunch of toilet paper and paper towels before putting it in his lunch bag. When school let out for the day, he walked slowly and carefully towards his brother's van. Rowley held his egg in a shirt pouch that he stitched himself during their art class.

"Greg, you're gonna help me clean out my van tonight," Rodrick demanded as they got into the car.

"What? How?" He asked incredulously while looking at all the shit that was in the van. Even though Rodrick put the seats back into the car whenever he wasn't carrying his band equipment around, the floors and the trunk were still plagued with gross stuff.

"Because Bobbi will be over our place today, and when I drive her home later, she needs to see a clean environment. I'll pay you five bucks," his older brother answered shamelessly. Greg didn't find the amount a satisfying payout for the job requested.

"I want fifteen," he rejected.

"Uh no, you're getting five and that's with me politely asking," Rodrick argued.

"Ten is the lowest I'll take for the task. If you care so much about impressing this girl, you'll pay it," he argued back definitely. Rowley looked back and forth between them nervously. Because of how empathetic his best friend was, his best always got upset watching him and Rodrick argue.

"You fucking greedy little shit, you're that desperate for ten bucks?" His older brother questioned irritably. Greg had no idea how Rodrick was so offended when he was the one who taught him the importance of haggling whenever possible. It was Rodrick's fourth rule to an easy life. Never agree to the pay offered to you if it can be raised higher.

"You're that desperate for Bobbi Rivers? Pay me for my work," he only taunted in response. Rodrick rolled his eyes, muttered more curse words under his breath, but had no choice but to cave into his demand. Greg was already thinking of what he was gonna spend his ten dollars on as he and Rowley got into the van.

His older brother kept hitting every bump and pothole on the road. Greg suspected that it was on purpose.

Rodrick

The wait for Bobbi to show up to his house felt like forever. Rodrick passed time by watching his conman of a little brother play his video games but he eventually started getting impatient. He kept fidgeting on the couch where he sat.

When the doorbell rang, his anxiety shot up to the highest level but he did his best to remain calm as he answered it. Bobbi, to his relief, was outside their door…but she also had someone else with her. Another black girl who looked to be Greg's age was standing behind Bobbi.

"Hi…," he greeted, not knowing what to say about her unexpected companion.

"Rodrick! So this is where you live," she greeted back. She then pushed the younger girl forward. "I hope you don't mind but I had to bring my sister along. It was the only way they would allow me to come here."

"Jerri?" He heard Greg ask. He looked behind him and saw that his little brother paused his game to look at Bobbi's sister, who quickly looked down at the ground in shyness.

"You two come in then," Rodrick accepted, hoping that this somehow wouldn't ruin Plan C. He closed the door behind the girls as they stepped in. Bobbi looked around the house in admiration.

"This is a nice place," she mused before focusing on one of the many picture frames that lined up the walls. "Aww, is that you Rodrick?"

Rodrick looked at the picture in question and paled. It was him as a toddler covered in lotion that he rubbed all over himself out of sheer curiosity. A big, dumb, and toothless smile was on his face. He had told his mom dozens of times to take the picture down.

"No, I think that's Greg," he denied.

"With those birthmarks on your face? I don't think so," his little brother denied, being an inconvenient brat to him again. When Bobbi giggled, Rodrick briefly contemplated how much money he could get off selling Greg on the black market.

"Why don't you two hang out while Rodrick and I get to work? You two know each other from middle school, right?" She asked their younger siblings. He was surprised at Greg not denying it considering he never brought up Jerri before.

"Okay…," Jerri accepted easily but his brother seemed unsure. It took him several weeks to invite Holly over to their place because he was that nervous about having girls over and their Mom's overbearing attitude on girlfriends didn't help. But anything Bobbi suggested, Rodrick would make sure she had it so he sent his little bro a warning look to obey. Jerri slowly sank down onto the couch and Greg went back to playing his video games.

"Let's go down to the basement to study," he urged his crush as he led her downstairs.

Third time had to be the charm.

Greg

Having a girl in his vicinity that wasn't his girlfriend was uncomfortable, especially with how eerily silent Jerri was. She wasn't receptive at his attempts at small talk and so he stopped trying. He instead focused on playing one of his video games but was currently stuck on a particularly difficult boss fight.

"You should probably equip the Witch's Kiss," she suddenly blurted out, surprising him. He turned to look at her in confusion but she kept talking. "Warrior's Might doesn't do much against Lord Eversor because he gets stronger from direct hits. The Witch's Kiss staff increases your magic and critical hit ratio," she explained.

"You played this game before?" He asked in bewilderment. She didn't seem like the type.

"The Bright Spirits games are among my favorites. I own the game guide for this one in particular. It's the only way I could have beaten the game," she answered.

"Shit, can I borrow it?" He requested, and it was a genuine plea. Bright Spirits III was proving itself to be the hardest game he had ever played in his life and he was on easy mode! He liked having the conveniences of video game guides on hand but his Mom stopped buying them for him because she didn't approve of how he studied them harder than he did his textbooks for school.

"Maybe tomorrow," she answered, "I play a bunch of other stuff too. Like Pokémon, Kingdom Hearts, the Sims…"

"My parents stopped allowing me to play the Sims after I kept torturing sims modeled after kids at Westmore that I hate," he admitted, thinking of the Patty sim he made one time. He gave her a bunch of unflattering traits, made her pee herself, and then had her burn to death in a fire she caused due to having no cooking skills. When his mom saw that, she not only banned him from playing video games for the rest of the week, but she also made him watch a multi-part documentary on why violence against women in video games was wrong.

Jerri giggled, and the sound of it was light and pleasant. When she kept a soft smile at the end of her laugh, Greg noticed how pretty it was: it lit up her entire face. He was so used to seeing a flat, emotional expression on her face.

"I'm going to need your help a lot during this playthrough," he declared.

"I realized at that moment that it was a good thing Jerri was here. If I knew she liked video games, I would have accepted her into our friend group from the start."

Rodrick

He and Bobbi had only one hour of studying before his bandmates came over. When they did, he had them preview their song to her as promised.

"We're coming through your speakers, runnin' through your town, we're pouring through your headphones, and your eyes are turning brown! We're pumpin' up the volume and we can't be stopped! Your brains are leaking out your ears, your head's about to pop! This is a Diper! A diper overlode! And you better run for cover cause' we're bout' to explode!"

Ben sang the first two verses and then he and Chris sang along to the chorus. Despite it only being practice, Rodrick did as many cool tricks with his drumsticks as he could with Bobbi sitting right in front of him. To his great delight, she was bobbing her head along to the song.

"Well, whaddaya think?" He asked.

"It's cool. The lyrics are very…intense," she complimented.

"Because I wrote them," he bragged.

"It's creepy, but I like it. You guys are already selling cds, right?" She asked him next enthusiastically.

"Yeah we sold twenty…most of the sales coming from our families though," Ben confessed nonchalantly. Rodrick angrily mouthed "shut the fuck up" to his best friend in response.

"Hey, we all gotta start somewhere. To make it big in the music industry, it's a non stop grind. That's why I upload a new video every two weeks. YouTube is the best way to blow up now," she assured them.

"You're right, we should film a video for YouTube," he replied in realization, looking at his bandmates for approval, "That doesn't have my mom in it this time," he added with a grimace.

"I thought you said you ain't know that lady?" Bobbi asked him in confusion.

"Uhh…maybe I do…," he admitted sheepishly.

Greg

With Jerri's help, he breezed through multiple levels by the time his mom came home from her evening classes. At the sight of Jerri, she tensed up.

"Greg, who is your friend?" She asked him.

Greg opened his mouth to answer but Jerri beat him to the punch.

"I'm Jerri Rivers, I go to Westmore with Greg. I'm here with my older sister who's visiting Rodrick," she answered. The second part of her statement really bothered his mom.

"Rodrick brought a girl to his basement without telling me? I can't believe that boy," She replied irritably. Greg sensed that a grounding was incoming for his older brother.

"Bobbi is his tutor and they're having a session in the basement," Jerri clarified, and his mom promptly softened up at that.

"Oh…," she replied, "He still should have told me."

"Our parents would be really mad at Bobbi if she came over to a boy's house to have sex, especially one she's not dating. She's supposed to set a good example for me," the younger girl added bluntly. Greg shared a surprised look with his mom. Jerri must have sensed that she said something she probably shouldn't have because she promptly looked down shyly.

"Well that's certainly…good," his mom replied in an unsure tone, "And you're friends with Greg?"

To that question, Jerri seemed too nervous to answer, but Greg knew what to say.

"Yeah, she's my new friend," he answered while kindly grinning at the youngest Rivers sister.

Rodrick

Since they were ordering Chinese takeout for dinner tonight, Rodrick went ahead with making his little brother help him clean out his van. Greg held out a big trash bag for him to throw all of his crap in.

"I hope Mom and Dad aren't embarrassing the shit out of me in there," he expressed in worry.

"Mom definitely is," Greg replied, "You know, Jerri is cooler than I thought. She's into video games."

"She seems like an ice queen," he dismissed with a scoff.

"She's just shy," his little brother argued. "Mom wants her to tutor me over here now since she's just as smart as Bobbi."

The thought made Rodrick grimace. He saw the way the younger girl looked at him before he escorted Bobbi down to the basement, like he was beneath her sister. She probably wouldn't approve of them dating. He found it hard to believe that she could be much nicer to Greg.

"Why does Mom keep thinking that we have to do everything together?" Rodrick complained. He hoped that she didn't make Greg follow him to the same community college when the time came. He may have loved his little brothers but he also wanted to have his own identity outside of them. Since he was six years old, he could never have or do anything on his own. His entire homelife had wrapped around being a big brother, and that was why up until this year he gave Greg hell and ignored Manny.

"Believe me, I told her that it wouldn't be necessary. I already have a girlfriend who's making sure I'm at least getting Bs now," Greg assured him. "Don't wanna intrude on this epic love story between you and Bobbi Rivers, anyway."

"I know you and everyone thinks that I don't have a chance with her but trust me on this. She's not like Lindsey or Heather," he reasoned.

"She's definitely way nicer than Heather," his younger brother agreed, "I just wasn't expecting her to be so…tall."

Rodrick didn't notice that until Greg pointed it out but now that he thought about it, Bobbi was taller than not just Greg but a lot of the guys at their high school too, including her douche ex. He was taller than her but only by a few inches. If she wore high heels, they would be of an equal height.

"Tall, confident, and sexy, that's how I like my girls now," Rodrick declared as the realization didn't bother him.

Greg

Their Chinese food came while his older brother drove the girls home so thankfully Greg could eat his General Tso's chicken in peace without having to worry about Rodrick stealing pieces of his meal from him. However he was kinda sad to see Jerri go and he didn't know why.

While he ate his meal, Manny refused to eat his own meal consisting of chicken nuggets and rice. "What's wrong, Manny?" He asked his little brother.

"I don't like that," his little brother bluntly replied while pointing at the rice in disgust. It was brown rather than white. After their mom discovered online that brown rice was healthier and contained better nutrients than white rice, she refused to order the latter for any of them to eat anymore. Unfortunately Manny seemed to have liked the texture of white rice better.

"Well, you gotta eat it because Mom and Dad want you to," he pointed out to him.

"No!" Manny continued to protest, and Greg was tempted to leave him alone after that. His little brother barely did what their mom did this days, there was no way he would do what his "bubby" wanted. But with their dad eating his food in the basement and their mom doing her college homework in the dining room, it was up to him to make sure Manny ate his food. He had to think of something.

"How else are you going to get big and strong when you're my age?" He challenged. "Every piece of rice on your plate has a special ingredient that's going to make you like Superman. But if you don't eat it, you'll be a baby…forever…."

His little brother's eyes widened at his statement, and Greg knew that he had miraculously got him. Manny picked up a spoonful of rice before enthusiastically shoving it in his mouth. "Hey, use your spork!" Greg chided as he picked up a napkin and began wiping the crumbs off of his little brother's face. Now that he thought that the rice was going to give him superpowers, Manny ate his food with no other issues.

"Wow, Greg, that was impressive," Greg heard his mom gush, making him jump. When he turned around, she had a big, proud smile on her face.

"Do you know how much I struggle with getting Manny to eat his healthy foods? I should have had you help me out from jump," she continued.

"I knew I should have been happy at the praise. There's nothing that pleases Mom more than Rodrick and I being responsible big brothers to Manny, but I don't want her to get any ideas to make this my job. Making a toddler eat brown rice and vegetables by feeding them corny, mushy stories is mom stuff, not big brother stuff. But if she's not around to take care of Manny who will?" Greg wrote in his journal later that night before bed.

Rodrick

Plan C blew up in his face in a way that topped the first two attempts.

For starters, he wasn't expecting the Rivers girls to live in the city and Plainview was a good thirty minutes away from their home in Northwest Baltimore. Bobbi had apologized after she told him but to keep up a good appearance, he told her it was no big deal. At first the car ride went well.

"I think it was really cool for you to come by my place today and check out my band," he told her during the first few minutes of the drive, "It means a lot to me."

"I was excited to see you guys in action with the way you talk about them during our tutoring sessions. I think you guys have a lot of potential," she declared.

"You should tell my dad that," he snarked, "He thinks our band is garbage and that it's for the best that I rot in an office like he does for the rest of my life. You're lucky you have parents that support you wanting to be a rapper."

"At first my dad didn't, because my granddad doesn't," she admitted, "That side of my family has always been very religious. My granddad is the pastor of the Temple of Glory Baptist Church downtown and he's always preaching about how degenerate and devilish today's rappers are. Him and my grandmomma think that if I do any music, it should be gospel."

"Ewwwww," he commented in disgust. He tried to picture his band performing Christian music at his church. There would have to be no bad words, references to sex and weed, and no going against the establishment in the lyrics. That wasn't Löded Diper's style. The only Christian rock group that he knew of that was cool despite it all was Skillet.

"I know. My mom is the only reason I'm allowed to even put out freestyle videos. She wanted to be a rapper when she was my age but it never worked out so she's eager for me to blow up for both our sakes. She filmed nearly all of the videos on my channel and acts like my unofficial manager," she explained, smiling shyly at the end.

It was funny how both of their mothers were their biggest supporters, just in different ways. "Does your mom do super embarrassing dance moves every time you perform a song?" He asked next dryly.

"If you consider a forty-seven year old woman twerking embarrassing, hell yeah," she replied with a chuckle, making him raise an eyebrow. He didn't know that people over twenty-five years old knew what twerking was and if they did, it should be illegal for them to do so. That was just wrong. "When she does it, I'm allowed to do it so I don't tell her to stop. Can't wait for the day I turn eighteen and I get to do it in my videos."

Now Bobbi twerking was a different story. "Oh yeah?" He asked flirtatiously, as he tried to control his thoughts from going to a very dirty place.

"Don't get any ideas," he heard Jerri threaten from the backseat.

"Jerri, don't," Bobbi scolded, "My mom told me that if you got sex appeal there's nothing wrong with flaunting it in your music because that's what sells. I know I'm hot and I like showing it off. The general audience likes looking at attractive people whether you're by yourself or in a band. Every group needs one member that a sizable amount of people find attractive in order to be successful."

It took a few seconds for Rodrick to comprehend her words before a lightbulb went off in his head. "Hey, I think you would make a great mem-"

He was cut off by a car in a different lane bumping against the van, causing him to pull over in a panic. The person who hit him pulled over as well and it was an uncomfortable, tense moment of them exchanging insurance information. Even though the damage was minimal beyond a slight dent on the wall, and none of them were hurt, the "Diper" portion of the van was badly scraped up. So he not only ended his night with another failed attempt at wooing his crush, but now he also had to drive around in a fucked up van for the time being until he got the funds to fix it and get a new paint job.

When Rodrick got home later, he was not in the mood for Chinese food any longer.

A/N: The lyrics to Diper Overlöde comes directly from the book with the same name!