04 • Ah Shit

So, you know that whole thing about 'no emotion = perfect ninja'? Yeah that shit. It's literal shit. Who in their right fucking mind doesn't let someone mourn? Fuck man! I'll cry if I fucking want to!

But I don't. Obviously.

What kind of woman would I be? Crying after I already mourned? Shit man. I ain't got time to cry and sob over my problems. Life waits for no one. I should know. I do know.

Either way, this isn't about me (not really at least). It's about all those brave men and women that died protecting the village and those that died like the civilians they are.

As a baby, the concept of time isn't really anything. But, again, I'm not just any baby. Oh no. I'm a main fucking character that was fucking reborn since the gods didn't know what to do with me (I gave them a simple fucking solution too! Just send me to Hell!). If you can't tell, I'm still bitter about that fact. Anyhow, it's been like a week or two? Maybe? Kizashi sucks as a caretaker. Who knows how many meals I actually missed.

It was simple. I work my ass off trying to get stronger so I can run (or be able to reach the kitchen to set this place on fire — whichever comes first). Kizashi shows up once to fed me and change me and gone once again.

But not today. Oh fuck no. No. Today, had to be the village wide funeral. Which meant, black clothes and dark skies and crying — the obnoxious kind too. Which also brings me back to the whole no emotion shit.

Looking around, it's fucking child's play to see who are shinobi and whose a civilian. One: the fucking headband. Two: their expressions are blank. Three: their entire posture. If Kizashi wasn't standing so close to them I probably wouldn't have noticed (crap as fuck eyesight remember?).

I also wouldn't have noticed the cutest five year old there is. With his black hair and eyes and holding his younger sibling. Uchiha Itachi. At least, I believe that's the kid's name? And the ugly red of a newborn wrapped in black and blue must be the little brat that had many stupid problems and caused many stupid problems. Sasuke, was it? Damn if I know. I just remember tomatoes and ducks are related to his character.

Itachi's black eyes flicker to mine.

Staring is rude and bad and fucking sue me already. So I blink at him in most innocent way (which isn't much really). His head tilts a little, whether in confusion or acknowledgement, I don't know. I wave my hand either way. He smiles to me a little, wiggling his small child fingers at me. I was about to smile back and maybe grab the kid's attention so I can escape Kizashi. But of fucking course not. The gods hate me for some shit reason.

Now, Kizashi has some sense on how to hold a baby. He does. I fucking know he does. So, I fucking know that the shit that happened next was completely on purpose. That fucker. He didn't even react for a full fucking second and seemed so fucking amused.

He shifted so I was no longer staring over his shoulder but staring at the front. Then he walked away from the crowd. I didn't know what the fuck was up with him but I didn't like it. And like any other baby, I scream when I don't like something. Unfortunately, I couldn't scream because Kizashi fucking tripped (over what, I still have no idea).

Now, when you're holding a child and trip, you don't fucking let go. That's the last fucking thing you do. No, what you're supposed to do is hold them closer. You're supposed to keep them safe from the fall. Then again, I'm not safe around this man anymore now am I?

So excuse me if I screamed at the top of my lungs in pure outrage that I was purposely dropped to the cold, hard, and fucking cement of a gravestone with its fucking sharp corners. "SHIT!"

Fuck if I know what happened next.

There were gasps, a child screaming I think?, panic and other shit. Oh, and red. A lot of red.

And that's how the village first knows of Haruno Sakura. The baby who lived after screaming a curse word (and it was my first word too you assholes) for splitting her head open (and no thanks to anyone for that. Shinobi reflexes where?).

But, that's also how I was constantly under other people's watchful eyes. Since, you know, you don't let a baby do whatever the fuck they want after a stunt like that (not like I wanted to rip my skull open). Not the important thing about my first funeral in this life. Oh no, what's important is what came out of it.

Now I have other people watching out for me, or just plain watching me like fucking pedos.

Which means, new opportunities to get Kizashi arrested and possible killed!

So maybe the gods don't hate me that much. They're still motherfuckers.

ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ

Month 1 - 2; Age: 7 - 8 months

Nothing of importance happened. Wasn't even allowed outside my fucking room. Or out of my crib. It's like I'm in prison, within a prison, within another fucking prison that in another big ass prison. I mean I get it, I was bad in my last life but for fuck's sake I was never actually caught and now in this life I'm in multiple prisons. What the fuck gods? I thought me even being alive again was punishment enough but fuck no. Fuck then.

Either way, after a few weeks of different mothers coming by to check on me and Kizashi, they deemed everything alright apparently? They just stopped showing up. Bitches left me to defend for myself. Maternal instincts my ass. Couldn't even see I'm malnourished. Blind old bats.

It wasn't that long after the women stopped coming by did I learn to stand finally. It took maybe another two weeks to walk the perimeter of my crib. Another to run it. But the space was too small. I felt like a caged animal.

Naturally, I did what any caged animal would. Try and break the bars. Okay, not really. I'm not some dumbass. I merely climbed out and almost cracked my head open again. But hey! I'm out! And I'm alive!

Victory!

...and I can't reach the door handle.

Month 3 - 4; Age: 9 - 10 months

That's right bitch. I've fucking grown. In muscle and height. Not in weight though since Kizashi is still an ass. But now I can move the stool from the desk in the corner of my room. Which means I can reach that door handle.

Kitchen here I come! There will be fire!

There wasn't any fucking fire what so fucking ever. I wasn't even five feet out of my prison when Kizashi found me. We had stared at each other for almost three minutes. Until he noticed me slowing moving towards the main area of the house.

The fucker just threw me back in my room with a fake smile. Which was creepier since the man had a mad look in his eyes. I knew I should have run for it while I could. Speed is always best in a fight.

My escapes continued for another three weeks before Kizashi decided that my room was too "nice" for me. That I didnt "deserve" it and it was only for "children that don't kill their mother". Bitch, where the fuck were you at the time?

And that's how I found out we have a basement.

He at least had enough mind to move my crib down here.

Besides, jokes on him because those stairs to the door will only help improve my strength.

Thinking positive sucks ass.

Month 5 - 6; Age: 11 - 12 months

Holy shit! The light! Why is it so fucking bright!? Oh yeah, because I've lived in the basement for the past two months. And not once have I been even remotely outside since the funeral. Or ever actually taken to the park. Which is really just a clearing in the woods with benches.

And really fucking loud. What the actually fuck is all this screaming and screeching for? Are you be ruthlessly murdered? No. But did someone take your teddy? Yes. Well fuck, continue screaming then.

Honestly, these children are all so stupid it's annoying. No wonder the duck child never liked actual-pinky. It's all a shame really. I can already see which ones inspire to be shinobi. Those ones are the stupid ones. And the stupid ones, seem to consist of the majority of children here. For shame.

Not much I can do. It's not like I can smack the stupid adults of this world and lecture them. This is all fucking stupid. Why the fuck am I at the park again? Oh right. Because as Kizashi explained it, "Its suspicious that you haven't been seen since the funeral. A shame really. Hoped that accident would be your last."

Motherfucker.

Month 7 - 8; Age: 13 - 14 months

The basement got a desk added to it. Probably for all the torture devices to go. The man is making it very fucking clear that my year is almost up. Four more months and shit hits the fan.

Holy fuck! I should do that! The fucker still has to diaper change me (fucking sadly). He also doesn't exactly hide the trashcan. I think he hopes I'll suffocate from the smell. Well, newsflash bitch, I'm still a baby and my senses are still shit.

The fucker is in for a big surprise...as soon as I build up my aim. And strength. Throwing something half your weight with no balance or strength is a bad idea. I've already tried. Thing went fucking splat. It was disgusting and funny because it landed on Kizashi's shoe just as he walked in.

In retaliation, I wasn't changed nor fed for like two days straight. The man really needs to add a clock to this basement. The place is so fucking drab! At least paint the fucking walls! Hell! He could place a clown puppet in here for fuck's sake!

The fucker has no sense of decor. Why'd mother have to take that with her?

Month 9 - 10; Age: 15 - 16 months

You have got to be fucking kidding me. It hasn't even been a fucking year yet! And this shitbag is already drinking!?

At least it's funny that he can't get down the stairs. The bastard trips the first step. Ha. Loser.

Which also means his bottle breaks. And we all know - we should all know - how fucking useful broken glass can be. Danger to the wind when you're over thirty and have lived my life. If I couldn't have handled broken glass than shoot me now and let this boredom end.

It didn't happen even if I continuously cut my hands. My first calluses in this life. And it's from fucking glass. Bitch.

A fun-filled and happy year my ass. This is boring as fuck.

Month 11 - 12; Age: 17 - 18 months (1 year and 6 months)

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. The itsy bitsy spider..."

I trailed off as I looked up to the sound of creaking wood. Just like all those stupid horror movies. So fucking cliché.

And my year was all drained out, I finished the tune.

What joy.

ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ

. A / N .

Short, yes I know.

This was mostly an interlude. I was going to rewrite this to have the funeral scene an omake and skip Anna's year entirely but decided to keep it.

Next chapter, which I already have some ideas for, Anna/Sakura will older. By like, two years. Lol.

Hope you enjoyed.