It took a surprisingly long while to stop the snowballing Penguin who managed to work up quite the turn of speed on the slope.
And once they —or rather one of the tall pine trees bordering the slopes— managed to end his break-neck speed, he staggered around like he'd just tumbled out from a washing machine and so Shachi volunteered to take him back home for the day while the others enjoyed the last rays of sun out on their skis.
This had the excellent benefit of cooping two hyperactive people up in a confined space, so when the three remaining skiers finally returned, rosy-cheeked and covered with snow, they were greeted by a heated chalet with dinner in the oven and three cups of mulled wine steaming on the table for them.
And so they were all poured out across, over, and between the sofas and armchairs in the open space next to the kitchen, two kettles of mulled wine in: Nami sat curled up in one of the high-winged armchairs with Hakugan occupying the other one, Ikkaku lay spread out over the sofa with her legs in Penguin's lap and Shachi sat cross-legged on the floor, trying to catch jelly beans in his mouth. His aim was as atrocious as his posture and so he fell over backwards every third or fourth bean when his centre of gravity tilted too far in either direction.
Penguin had not yet tired of heckling him between bouts of massaging Ikkaku's calves. Ikkaku, on her part, imparted such words of wisdom as 'try making it flip three times in the air' or 'have you tried five at a time' inbetween her frequent refills.
Hakugan merely snickered and continued scrolling.
"Ikkaku, what would you give me if I managed to get this jelly bean into your cleavage?" Shachi asked at last, observing a green jelly bean intently.
"A concussion."
He pondered the threat. "Acceptable."
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), his aim proved to be very off and the innocent bean jumped from Ikkaku's shoulder to the table from whence it landed in Hakugan's mug with a sad little sound.
"That's worse than when Captain tried to skip stones at Ammersee last year," Penguin snickered as Hakugan wordlessly picked out the soggy lump from his drink. "And that's saying something about overestimating your capabilities."
"Oi! It wasn't half as bad as when Clione tried to climb that Christmas tree in the park last year." Shachi protested. "He's afraid of heights! Now that's overestimating your capabilities."
"I think he just forgot," Ikkaku said placidly. "And Captain did bet Penguin the dishes for the week on that silly competition."
A heartfelt look of delight diffused over Penguin's face. "'twas a glorious sight to behold, that grumpy face behind those mountains of soapy dishes."
Nami laughed at the picture they were painting of this mysterious friend of theirs. "Is this the same guy you tried setting me up with on the slopes? He was 'Captain' as well, right? Because a man who knows his way around the kitchen does have a special place in my heart, I must admit."
Penguin sat up much straighter, interlacing his fingers as he turned to Nami with a pleased grin and suggestively waggling eyebrows. "Ready to be wooed by our tales of daring-do and domestic felicity, and go on a blind date with him when he comes to visit?"
"Wait a moment," Nami protested, holding up her hands in defence. "You haven't told me anything about this Wunderkind," she continued, deliberately mispronouncing the German word for emphasis.
"He is a Wunderkind, you're right." Penguin hit his palm with his fist in recognition. "He always was such a precocious little shit. Got a whole bunch of accolades and prizes in school and graduated in record time with his doctorate as well. Even managed to get some single-author papers into some quite prestigious journals when he was stupid young."
A sudden gust of wind sneaking through a crack in the window made the hairs on Nami's arms stand up under her comfy cable-knit jumper.
"Really selling him on his good qualities," Shachi sighed. Turning to Nami, he continued, "Penguin is right, though. Captain's always been too smart for his own good, although I'm not sure if that's always led him to make the greatest decisions. But he has a stable job, cares too much about things, and has a wicked sense of humour." He paused for a moment. "And he has a soft spot for schlager songs, but don't tell him I told you that when you see him."
Ikkaku rolled her eyes. "You two are going about it all wrong." Turning to Nami, she continued, "He's handsome in that dark, brooding way, has the deepest voice I've heard, is funny as hell and he is a great kisser."
"You're not…" Nami indicated the appropriate level of intimate interaction between two consenting adults by some quite intricate hand movements to the general merriment of the congregation.
"No, no, no! He's like my brother these days, I just couldn't." Ikkaku gagged theatrically. "But," she continued, colouring slightly, "we did make out once. It was when I just got to know him," she continued, raising her voice to drown out Shachi and Penguin's sudden exclamations and quite impertinent questions, "and we had been drinking after a job well done, and one thing led to another and let me tell you how horrible a day it is to realise you see someone in a strictly platonic sense when their tongue is in your mouth."
"Don't remind me," Nami shuddered. "I once did that with one of my housemates before we moved in together and I'd gladly pay someone a handsome amount of cash to scrub that memory."
The shared sad fate was sealed with a sombre clink of their cups, the scent of mulled wine wrapping around them in commiseration.
"Circling back to Captain, though," Shachi said in a sing-song voice. "Have our pretty words convinced you yet? He's coming over in April…"
"As long as I don't have anything more interesting going on, like going through my photos or auditing my emotions," said Nami, reaching for her mug of mulled wine.
"Yes!" Shachi and Penguin high-fived over the table.
"I knew we'd get you interested. Trafalgar Law, or captain Law—"
Her mug froze half-way up to her face as Nami's innards turned to ice.
"—or Captain Lawyer, just to annoy the good doctor," Ikkaku finished his sentence. "No-one better to have in your corner when you need one, but mein Gott is he one grumpy son-of-a-bitch."
"I'm sure your habit of calling him 'Captain Lawyer' to his face doesn't help," Shachi snickered. "There's not much more a doctor hates than being compared to a lawyer."
Nami managed to fight through the ice creaking through her bones enough to open her mouth. "You know Trafalgar Law? Forensic entomologist and surgeon extraordinaire?"
"Of course! We used to work together. You know him?" said Penguin.
Ikkaku snorted. "That's one way of putting it. 'Working together' my arse. As I recall, you were joined at the hip before he left for rainier pastures. You practically lived, breathed and slept together. And not in a good, healthy way either. Co-dependency case example, the four of you."
"Trafalgar Law? Tall, surly, no fashion sense?" said Nami, trying to make sense of the sudden tilt to her world, her sanity slipping down a slippery slope of icy realisation.
"Broody, too focused on his work for his and his friends' own good," said Shachi. "Drinks approximately ten litres of coffee a day?"
"Eyebags deep enough for spare change," Penguin filled in, gesticulating wildly with his mug, somehow keeping from spilling mulled wine all over the sofa. "Calculative and caustic, patient, and so sharp he'll cut himself one day?"
"Handsome, smart, too sarcastic for his own good?" Nami finished their collective description.
She blinked.
When you remove what's impossible, whatever's left, however improbable, must be the truth.
But there are improbable accidents and then there are outright ludicrous coincidences.
Nami was familiar with the small world problem of social networks, and although Milgram's ideas of six degrees of separation –that you could reach anyone in the world through the personal relationships of six persons– had lately been questioned, there still was something fundamentally human in the surprise that sprung from unexpected familiarity.
Especially when it came to one Trafalgar Law.
Did the whole world know the man?
"That's the guy!" Shachi and Penguin answered in perfect chorus.
The answer to her last question seemed to be a resounding 'yes'.
"He's actually in France these weeks and we finally managed to convince him to come visit us this weekend," Penguin said, "But something work-related forced him to reschedule," he continued with a pout that shouldn't have been as adorable on a grown man as he managed to make it.
"One day we'll manage to get him here and force him out of his brittle-yet-sturdy shell!" Shachi vowed, shaking his fist at the ceiling.
Ikkaku merely sighed. "You guys are way too invested for anyone's benefit or well-being, just so you know."
"We are not!" Penguin protested, trying to balance his half-full mug on the very domed armrest of his armchair. "We simply take an interest in our acquaintances. Present company included."
Nami couldn't get the facts to match.
Based on their praise of Trafalgar, Shachi and Penguin (and Ikkaku and Hakugan as well, from the short time she'd spent with them) really liked the guy. They liked him so much that they actually tried setting her up with him.
Whatever that said about how they liked her, she'd leave for another day.
But their views of the man must be based on some perception of good qualities, as loudly as they were singing his praises at the moment. Shachi had actually burst into an impromptu sonnet, accompanied by Penguin on teaspoon and mug.
And yet, both the way he had behaved during their acquaintance as well as the accusations about his academic conduct weighed heavily against him. The things professor Donquixote said all those months ago played in her mind, the sincerity and regret in his voice clear as day. That Trafalgar had falsified results and stolen work… it didn't fit the picture of him his friends were painting in front of her very eyes.
"Having second thoughts?" Shachi asked good-naturedly.
"If I can be completely honest, yes," Nami said with a grimace. The atmosphere around the table turned sombre as her four companions turned their full attention on her.
She drew breath, preparing for the worst.
"The first time I met him was at a university party, where he completely trash-talked me and my outfit." She nodded at Ikkaku's scandalised look. "I know that I'm too pretty to take it seriously, but not a great first impression, you have to agree."
"I also was the administrative assistant at my faculty. Still am," she cut Shachi's question off before it escaped his open mouth, "but used to be a part-time worker there before my exchange term. Let's see if they let me back, since the woman I was substituting for came back when I came here."
"Then we started working together, me and Trafalgar. He was really cold and distant and rude and then literally gone for weeks at a time. No idea where he went, just that it made my life much more difficult with sudden folders of neatly catalogued recipes and project numbers I hadn't ever heard off."
She ignored Ikkaku's questioning eyebrow, happy they hadn't interrupted her yet with vehement defence of a man she was determined to hate.
"Then I met someone who, like you guys, knew him from before. And according to him, Trafalgar had done some quite horrible things to get where he was."
She didn't add, 'and whose persona filled the whole room and whose manners and attitude was so open and engaging that they spoke for themselves'.
"I understand why you wouldn't want to go on a blind date with a guy you already know. And especially since you've heard... all that." Ikkaku smiled weakly before continuing, "but please keep in mind that you've only seen one side of him. He just takes a while to warm up to people."
"Although he has done some shady stuff in his life, he actually has a rigorous moral code," Hakugan said. Nami tilted her head in consideration; Hakugan hadn't been one for saying things in vain so far.
"He's actually a good guy. Not the nicest one, but a good one," Shachi finished their group thought.
"I can't get this picture to match. First he's skiving off work, then he's cold and distant and suddenly a saviour in need and then glacial, before I hear he–" Nami sighed. "There's just no up or down to the man."
"Law is… he has his reasons, I'm sure." Penguin looked uncomfortable.
It was probably too much to push such new friendships but if Nami had a weakness, it was newly developed and took the shape of a caffeine-addicted dark-haired postdoc. "But–"
"Nami," The caution was clear in Ikkaku's tone. "Drop it for now, all right?"
"All right," she conceded, holding up her hands in surrender. "I just heard some not very flattering things back home and wondered if there was any truth to them."
"Probably some," said Ikkaku, tone calmer. "He is not an easy man, and I really can't think of many people who would say nice things about his personality."
"He is better known for his work," Shachi chimed in. "His character has not won many prizes, that's for sure."
"Do you remember when he eviscerated that pathology professor for his lack of method?"
"That's nothing to that year-long public spat he had over the complete lack of statistical understanding of that one Spanish professor."
"Or when he pointed out the inconsistencies in the findings of–"
And so the crew sank into discussion on the merits of one Trafalgar Law's work.
And Nami sank into thought.
She had no cause to doubt Shachi and Penguin's characters or judgment. Over her acquaintance with them, they had proven to be reliable, discerning and methodical, if a bit silly around pretty women. And although she had known Ikkaku and Hakugan for less than a combined twenty-four hours, their friendship with both Shachi and Penguin, as well as their ties to Trafalgar, did provide something of a character reference for the man.
On the one hand, if Shachi and Penguin, who could probably rival Luffy and Zoro for their YOLO-attitude, thought Trafalgar was a good egg, then there might be something to it.
But professor Donquixote's words still weighed heavily in her other hand, as did her own experiences with Trafalgar's surly demeanor.
What a confusing, teazing man he was.
She wouldn't get anywhere with analysing him (or her won feelings vis-à-vis him) tonight, that was for sure. Too much mulled wine and mulling feelings made short work of any logical trains of thought or fantastical logical leaps.
Penguin's mug was now leaning over precariously, Nami noted distantly. She leaned over to right it and the ensuing brush of her hand against his made him turn a bright blushing red from the tips of his ears to the apples of his cheeks.
"Sorry to be such a downer," Nami said with a smile that made Penguin's blush deepen to a lovely magenta and spread to the tips of his ears, and a silly grin to grow on Shachi's face. "But since you know Trafalgar, I'm sure you know his friend Bepo as well?"
"Bepo is a dear," said Ikkaku. "I miss that old fuzzface. Will he be coming down with Captain?"
"He says he will!" Shachi popped another jelly bean into his mouth. "And he gives the best hugs."
"That he does," Nami agreed before stealing a handful of Shachi's candy. "And he knits so well, too. He's just a big ball of warmth and cosiness, both when he's there and when he's away."
"You've seen his knitting? He's so good and I have no idea how he does it with those paws of his!"
"Didn't I show you the scarf he made me? It's so warm and pretty!" Nami jumped up to find her favourite piece of winter clothing.
To much admiration, she showcased her scarf with its pattern of normally distributed mikans. All agreed it was very pretty and well-made indeed, and Penguin attested to its warmth after wrapping himself in it.
The impromptu fashion show devolved into a group effort of story-sharing and showing off the latest (or at least the oldest) in mountain fashion, where Hakugan's combination of home-knitted jumper with a large (and slightly creepy, in Nami's unbiased opinion) smiley face on it, a white baklava and bright yellow glasses got a standing ovation.
From there, the evening devolved into general storyrelling, snacking and refilling their broken mugs – for there must have been quite a crack in all of them to empty so quickly as they did.
Nami had just finished her story of how her sister had managed to get her a job at the ski resort where she worked, although Nami had been underage at the time and thus technically not legally able to work. Her audience showed their best side, gasping in all the right places and exclaiming outright when she told them of the horribly creepy manager they had to endure for their first season, Shachi even covering his mouth in disgust at her description of how he used to guide their movements when he taught them to snowboard, his hands on their hips and his pungent breath in their ears.
"In a way, I'm happy I never had the chance to do sports when I was young," she said with a self-deprecating smile. "My manager was bad enough, but when you read about what's going on with the ballet dancers or the gymnasts, it makes you glad you're not a pro."
"Hear, hear," Ikkaku said, raising her mug in acknowledgment. "Although didn't you guys play football on quite a high level when you were younger?" she said, turning to Shachi and Penguin who by now had merged into a single pile of cosyness on the rug, wrapped in quilts and Nami's scarf.
"Us? Nah," Shachi said. "We just played for fun during university. But Captain did play somewhat seriously when he was a child. Precocious Wunderkind, I tell you." He shook his head.
"Trafalgar played football?" Nami couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice.
"He could have gone pro, but decided to focus on medicine instead," said Shachi, taking a swig from his mug.
Nami whistled. "That is impressive. I didn't know he was that good."
"Law? He played for the FC Bayern Munich Junior team for a while," Penguin cut in. "Before he went abroad."
So that explained his wizard ways at the faculty match.
He actually was talented and hadn't used his powers to cheat.
She narrowed her eyes, vein pulsing in her temple.
The sneaky rat bastard.
"He decided to focus on helping the world, giving up all dreams of football-related wealth, fame and power" Shachi continued, pious expression trying its best to stay on his face but fighting an ultimately losing battle against the grin tugging at his mouth.
"What do you mean?"
"Helping his family," said Penguin. "But I'm sure he's already told you as much as he's comfortable with and it's not our place to share the secrets of others."
Nami nodded in silence, taking a swig from her mug.
This explained a few things, and gave her more to think about.
But Trafalgar Law was still one sneaky rat bastard.
The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant conversation, fielding outrageous accusations of cheating at Settlers of Catan (which might or might not be true) and an early night so the crew could be at the slopes bright and early the next day.
Although her new friends hadn't said anything more about 'Captain' after their football-revelation, a lingering touch of unease refused to leave Nami alone, even in the dark of her and Ikkaku's shared bedroom. She kept tossing and turning and as a last ditch effort decided to check her group chats.
This, as they say, was a very bad idea.
She had consequently scrolled through all her social media feeds, updated herself on the latest (depressing) news in the world, bleached her eyes through some excellent videos of cats, dogs, and other furry animals, and had finally managed to navigate to the correct apps on her phone, the screen of which illuminated the small cave of a bunk where Nami lay listening to the even breaths of Ikkaku in the bed above.
Social media was both the saviour and the bane of Nami's existence. An amazing way to keep in touch with friends both abroad and close by, it was also a great way to drive said friends mad. Or for them to drive her mad, as evidenced by her current ongoing discussion with the Grannies (and Bepo) Who Make Tea, Not Love.
Nami had just shared a picture Bepo had sent her to much merriment and rejoicing; a snapshot in time of the morning sunlight beautifully illuminating one Trafalgar Law clutching at his chest, wild look in his eyes and black hair on end.
Apparently, the doll she had left in his desk drawer all those weeks ago had finally made its appearance and fulfilled its destiny of scaring the living daylights out of him when it started moving. Bepo said he didn't know what to do with the duckling Law had managed to shamble into their office in its stead and so now they had a new office buddy living in the empty in-tray Nami had left behind her.
Vivi and Bepo named the duck Caroo during one of their bi-weekly tea sessions.
Nami approved.
Although she was not as approving of her own current actions.
She was going to regret this, she sighed in resigned acceptance as she typed out a message.
Nami: …I might have googled him. Again.
Shirahoshi: Nami, this is an intervention.
Shirahoshi: Three times an hour is enough.
Viviibibii: She's down to three? Great work Namilein!
Shirahoshi: Don't encourage her, Vivi-sama!
Nami: I hate you.
Nami: And Beebs, if you ever call me Namilein again, I swear I'll sign you up for all the newsletters I can find online
Nami: It was just because I heard some things about Mr. Grumpy I had to check
Nami: Then I got distracted
Viviibibii: By Professor Donquixote's amazingly curated and pretty instagram feed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Viviibibii: You love us. But not like you love him 3 3 3
Nami: Stop it or I will not love you anymore.
Viviibibii: You couldn't stop, even if you tried, honeysuckle
Nami: Watch me
Viviibibii: I'll come over there to install some parental controls if you don't stop dredging the internet for Doffy
Nami: ?
Viviibibii: That's what the students are calling him. And Mona (she's back! Yay!). And Robin. And–
Nami: Oh gods. Stop.
Nami: He has a wife, you know?
Viviibibii: There are no such things as problems, merely obstacles to be overcome
Nami: Stop with your up-beat diplomatical-yet-motivational unethical management speak
Viviibibii: Never!
Viviibibii: And also…
Viviibibii: Nami and Doffy, sitting in a tree…
Nami: If you end that line I will end you
Viviibibii: K
Rebecca: I
Nami: Rebecca, not you too!
Viviibibii: S
Viviibibii: S
Nami: You are not my friends
Shirahoshi: I
Viviibibii: N
Viviibibii: G
Nami: I am now friendless, doomed to babysit Luffy and Zoro for the end of time. I will die an old maid, Usopp's talking carrots my only company. My soul will languish in darkness painted by solitude, a lonely little potato in the empty cellar of life, before the potato is plucked for chips and then discarded for being a lonely, sad little tuber, thrown on the compost heap.
Viviibibii: Drama queen
Shirahoshi: Too many potatoes in Germany?
Nami: You have no idea.
Nami: So viele Potato
Nami: Alles ist Potato
Rebecca: Your German is atrocious
Viviibibii: You can try to give Doffy a potato and see if he leaves his wife for you 3
Nami: I hate you all. Forever.
Viviibibii: 3