I am sooo sorry this took forever! Its just the planning for this took me a moment then I rewrote my other story and made it longer (because I promise no more short chapters!). Also big news! I tried a new writing style it's not that different from my old one, its just like I felt that I didn't write Sam correctly (that's why I am rewrote my other story)
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DISCLAIMER- I don't own anything in Supernatural, only the plot and my phone I write this on
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-Chapter 3-
"I know how you see yourself Dean"
'I hate myself'
"You see yourself the same way our enemies see you"
'I am a monster..'
"You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken…"
'That's who I am..'
"Your…Your daddy's blunt instrument"
'And always will be..'
Dean has heard this before, him and Cas are the dungeon, Cas saying all this to him and Dean answering Cas in his head like if Cas can read his mind, Billie banging at the door trying to get in, he knows what's gonna happen.
'NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo'
'Please..please don't go…please don't..'
Has Cas continues talking about him and who Dean is, Dean feels the tears forming around his eyes he can't stop them from overflowing, taking in every single word that comes out from Cas's mouth and engraving it in his mind, Billie banging at the door has muffled in the background. He can see the tears going down Cas's face, he just wants to wipe them away and hold Cas's face with his hands, he needs to hold him before it's too late.
"Knowing you changed me.."
Dean wants to speak but he can't like there's something stuck in his throat, he can't even move, his body is frozen, come on, come on move, speak, DO SOMETHING!, Before it happens… Dean repeats to himself. Cas starts to smile continuing saying how that he cared, made him care about everyone and everything, everything that he cares about was because of him.
"You changed me Dean"
Dean finally coughs up some words
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"
He didn't want to say that, he wants to say more, he wants to say everything to him, say how he feels, but in the end he coughed up the most basic, most girlish, the most pathetic words ever. He is pathetic, he will always be daddy's blunt instrument, Dean holds in his tears now with his throat, swallowing every time the tears dare to fall because he knows what's coming.
"Because it is…."
Cas smiles even more, before continuing
"I love you"
Dean opens his mouth to speak but again the thing is back, stuck in his throat, finally he speaks after swallowing again.
"Don't do this Cas"
Dean starts to shake his head with denial nonononono he repeats to himself why didn't he just say it back?! WHY DID HE SAY THAT?!, then he hears it, the sludgy, wet liquid. Oh god nonoNONONO he turns around letting all the tears go, it's the Empty forming into a door way, turning back to Cas with all his tears, he can't stop them from falling, Dean looks over Cas's shoulder seeing Billie swing open the door, Dean tries to speak in a quivering voice.
"Cas…"
Cas is continuing to smile, even in this moment right now Cas's smile is still so soft, perfect and soo bright. Even with tears flowing down his face, making his beautiful blue eyes burry, Cas walks a couple steps and puts his hand on Dean's shoulder, Dean feels Cas's soft hand gently gripping his shoulder.
'NONONONONONO I HAVEN'T SAID IT PLEASE DON'T GO I NEED TO SPEAK, I NEED TO STOP IT.. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I DO ANYTHING!? I AM THAT FUCKING PATHETIC?'
"Goodbye Dean"
'No Cas! I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!! Don't leave I NEED YOU'
Cas puts his other hand on Dean's other shoulder, and throws him aside. Making Dean collide into the wall, Dean falls on his side, scrambling to get up, he's frozen why can't he move to help? He's that fucking weak. As he watches Billie slowly start to walk towards Cas, Dean sees Cas still looking at him with those soft blue watery eyes and that smile. Then Dean sees Cas turn to look at the Empty basically embracing it, the Empty starts to form like a giant hand that starts to move towards Cas, the hand starts to get bigger and bigger until it reaches Cas, swallowing him slowly.
His brown trench coat turns black then his chest, and finally his face starts to get swallowed. The black ooze extends going towards Billie who also couldn't move, it swallowed her whole. Dean locks his eyes back to Cas, who has been nearly covered in blackness Dean tries to speak, to do anything but nothing. Dean just keeps his mouth shut and watching Cas get fully covered then watching the Empty going back to the wall disappearing like it wasn't even there in the first place.
'no..No…NO!!'
Every time he starts to say no in his head, he slams his clenched fist into the ground harder and harder every time, his other hand clawing at his face, the tears are still coming he doesn't know when they'll stop, flowing down his face dripping onto his trousers leaving tear stains. The room around him starts to blur then it starts to become black, panicking Dean starts to move himself further into the wall he knows that he's not moving but he doesn't care, the floor disappears making him falling into the never ending darkness.
Dean jolts awake with tears forming around his tired eyes, readjusting them from the bright light above him and squeezing tightly then slowly reopening them, everything is still burry but he can still make out a few things, like he knows the outlines of the roof in his room and there's a dark silhouette, it's sitting at the bottom of his bed because he can see a bit of its head peeking at the bottom of his vision.
He knows that silhouette from anywhere it's Sammy, what's he doing in my room?, he probably doesn't even realise am up, shit my head, my fucking everything hurts Dean says to himself, it's true everything hurts and his head has began to get a headache he can't really remember, it's probably a hangover he has been drinking too much to care since Cas oh god Cas… the tears come back he remembers everything that happened in his nightmare, the way he couldn't do anything to stop it, the way he say the most pathetic thing instead of the 3 words that he wanted to say.
'You are pathetic! You will ALWAYS be Daddy's blunt little instrument!!'
His mind starts to scream those words, he needs to move, he needs to calm down maybe a drink can help it always helps.. always. He can feel the emptiness clawing at him, growing bigger and bigger, trying to push himself up using is arms and hands, he feels the familiar shocks of pain going though his right shoulder, nostalgia hits him like a tidal wave he remembers everything that happened, with him grabbing two bottles and researching the Empty with no luck whatsoever, to collapsing from blood loss.
When trying to lift his heavy body, he feels a big pair of hands push him back down into the bed, he's too weak to fight back so he embraces it ha just like Cas.. the emptiness claws at him deeper, finally his eyes actually readjust and he sees Sam's hands and Sam hovering over him speaking.
"Hey..hey calm down please dean"
"Sammy…?"
His throat is dry, his voice is unrecognisable to him, it's croaky, deep. He knows that he hasn't been talking that much lately but still, thats his voice? Shaking that thought, he uses both of his hands to push Sam's hands away, he doesn't care if it's causing him more pain it's just the last time someone touch him was Cas…
"Hands off..Sam.. your pushing me into the bed too..much"
"Oh sorry"
Sam is glad that Dean is speaking even if his voice is scratchy and rough, it's nice to hear his brother. Sam lifts himself off the bed and grabs the chair that he was using when patching up Dean, when plopping himself down he thinks he needs to talk to Dean about himself, just observing Dean makes his heart sink
Sam sees Dean shuffling his body to get himself comfortable, his head resting on its side looking the opposite direction of Sam, Sam just studies Deans face his messy hair, his noticeable facial hair, the dark circles around his eyes also the redness from them, has he been crying more? His hollowed cheek bones. His heart keeps sinking the more he notices, why didn't he notice sooner? After a moment of silence he speaks up.
"Dean can we talk?"
"What..?"
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I know I apologise too much its just I don't want to disappoint yous, but I am sorry that I leave chapters on a cliffhangers like this one, I will fix that in the future! I hope yous enjoy this chapter (this one is my favourite so far). The fourth chapter might take longer because I am writing a new story as well, so I will not spoil! Please wait for ptber chapters coming!!