Hey,

I hope everyone is staying safe. Thank you to those who have favored, followed, and reviewed you are my inspiration and I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you guys liked Chapter 9. I'm excited for you to read Chapter 10. But, I hope you enjoy it!

I have posted Scarred Angel on Fanfiction, and Archive of our own as well. Enjoy!

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, bodily insecurity, anger issues, misuse of a bet, stress, emotional abuse, suicide, negative thoughts, and implying abusive sexual innuendos.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 10: Take A Nap With Me?

"When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again."

― Albert Einstein

10:49 a.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I looked at myself in the mirror, grimacing at the fat on my stomach, but slightly impressed when I realized my thighs still looked good. I poked my stomach, deciding to go for a run. I needed to exercise to get rid of my tummy. The excessive amount of chocolate I was consuming wasn't helping. I sighed, pulling my shirt down, grabbing my dark leggings. I didn't want to go, but I needed it. I sighed, sliding onto the floor pulling my shoes out from under my bed.

"Jay," I called, tugging my running shoes on. I heard him drop something before his heavy stomps sounded in the hallway.

He threw open my door, wincing when it slammed against my plant. I glared at his sheepish smile as he bent down to make sure he didn't crack the pot. "Sorry. What's up?"

"I'm going for a run," I held my hand out for him to pull me up. He rolled his eyes, tugging me up pretending to struggle. I smacked his head lightly when I stood, gathering my hair to pull it up.

"It's raining," He pointed out as if I couldn't hear it pelting against the window. I glanced out my window noticing that it wasn't as severe as it sounded. "Okay maybe it's drizzling, but it's gonna start back up soon." I grabbed my phone checking to see if it was going to rain all day. If that was the case then I would have to push my run back to later in the evening. Maybe it wasn't dire to go for a run now, it wasn't like my stomach was gonna disappear after it. I nodded, listening to his voice of reason. "Why are you wanting to go anyway?"

I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly, "too many sweets." He rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. "Don't look at me like that. I'm surprised that I didn't break out from all the chocolate." I sighed, kicking off my shoes, pulling my converse on instead. "I guess I can just eat something healthy to substitute for the run. Maybe cut out soda and sweets for a while."

"Is this because of Paul," Jay asked, leaning against the door frame, looking at the wall behind me. He trailed over to the wall, setting his hand where all of my old pictures used to hang. "You need some new ones. Wanna use my camera?"

What did Paul have to do with me wanting to go for a run? Did he not see how tight my shirt had gotten around my stomach? "No, why," I eyed him wearily sitting at my vanity. "No, I have my camera. Thanks though." I started cleaning up my messy desk, not wanting to open another can of worms with Jay.

"Just making sure," He murmured, running his fingers over my plant. "He kicked ass at video games," I stared at him through the mirror, seeing him smirking. He loved his videogames and anyone who was good automatically was in his good graces. "Since John's leaving tomorrow, I'm going to go hang out with him. Wanna come?"

I kept my face carefully blank at the mention of John. He had texted every day since he told me, making sure I wasn't downing in any pills. "No, I'm gonna start on my next project. Have fun."

"Can we talk about the Alex thing later today," He asked quickly, causing me to accidentally knock off my makeup at his question. He bent down quickly picking up my broken pallet. He glanced up at me curiously, "Sis?" I felt horrible at lying to him since I already knew what he was going to tell me. It was better that I own up now and face his anger.

"I know," I tried my best to prepare for his anger, hoping this wouldn't end up in a one-sided screaming match. I had told him I was going to wait for him to come clean, but I had allowed John to be the one who dealt the blow. "I know about the bet," I clarified, too unsure to even look at him. My eyes shot to him when he dropped my pallet at my feet. I winced internally at the colors probably mixing in with my teal converse.

He stared at me in disbelief. I could see his hands curled into his sides. The last thing I wanted was to ruin his relationship with John, I just couldn't lie to him. Honesty was always the best route. "How," He hissed, his voice betraying his hurt.

I took a deep breath, looking up at him towering over me. He was making me feel small and that wasn't sitting well with me. "Sit down," I glanced at the bed. I could hear his deep shaky breaths, indicating that he was about to blow his lid. I wasn't about to have a screaming match with him. I stared into his eyes, watching him want to ignore my words. "I'm not going to speak to you when you're towering over me like that." He inhaled sharply sitting at the end of my bed. I ignored the pallet, turning to face him. "Before you get angrier, this was my doing. So if you're gonna blame someone, blame me and my lack of patience." He frowned, holding my eyes. I listened to his foot tap the floor anxiously. I continued cautiously, "John told me the day you were sick."

Jay gritted his teeth, his foot stopped tapping abruptly. "It wasn't his place. That was for me to tell you, not him. I was supposed to watch over you. How could I possibly do that when I didn't know you knew?"

"He didn't want to tell me at first. Said that it wasn't his place, but I wore him down. He has been keeping tabs on me, checking in on me. I don't think you give me enough credit," I felt my anger rising at myself. I shoved it down, I had to be the reasonable one out of the two of us. Even if I had made myself a burden, one that my little brother thought he had to watch. "When I tried to kill myself," He flinched violently at my words, refusing to look at me, "I was a different person. I'm stronger than I was then. I went through my therapy, and I healed from what I did. When John told me, that was the last thing on my mind. I was hurt Jay, but not to where I wanted it all to end." I moved so that I was kneeling in front of his knees. I grabbed his clasped hands holding onto them tightly. "As much as you wanted to keep me protected from it, I needed to know and I wasn't patient enough to wait."

"You didn't want to die," He whispered, his voice sounded so broken. I got up, sitting beside him pulling him into a tight hug. I caused this pain that my brother carried and I knew that it was one that would never fully heal. That day that I tried to end it all, I remembered kissing his forehead and hugging him so tight that he couldn't breathe. When I had woken up, he had been clinging onto my arm crying while my mom had been outside yelling away on her phone. Jay had stuck to me like glue for months after then, and now that I thought back he never told me how he felt. Maybe it was because I had never thought to ask. For my own comfort, I buried it in the closet letting it get lost.

"No, I felt hurt and confused but not to where I wanted to die. John didn't tell me because he wanted to betray your trust. He didn't want to hurt you. You mean so much to him." I knew how much John adored Jay, how much he smiled when he talked bout him, and vice versa. "He's older and wiser than us and he knew what he was doing. Don't fault him for that."

"I'm not angry at him anymore, I didn't know how to tell you. You're all I have," He pulled away wiping his eyes. "I won't lose you."

"You won't lose me. I am stronger than I was then and I don't have thoughts dying. As much as I'm hurt right now, I have so many things to live for. I may not be happy all the time, but I want to live." I touched his chest, feeling his heartbeat rapidly. "You have so much hurt in your heart and your mind, and you need to heal from the pain I've caused, that others have caused. I found a few therapists in Forks. Or we can go to Port Angeles if you don't want to see anyone here."

He nodded slowly, brushing my hands away from him. "Send me the information and I'll decide later. I'm going to go to the beach. I need some time. Can you let John know?" He didn't even bother to listen to my answer as he closed my door. I rubbed my hands over my face, praying that I didn't fuck up his relationship with John. I pulled out my phone, replying to Paul's message about seeing him later today.

I clicked on John's number, hovering above the screen. I was scared to tell him, I should've waited for Jay to tell me, but I had shoved John in the middle unintentionally. I clicked his number, placing my phone next to my ear and my leg started tapping anxiously. I held my breath when I heard the line click over. "What's up? I'm almost at your house."

"Jay needs some time. I uh told him and he went for a walk. I- I- I'm not sure how long he's gonna be gone," I rushed out, pulling my hair out of the hair tie.

"Alright. I'm still coming over. Make some hot chocolate," John sighed. I could hear his blinker on. "Laryssa, it's okay. I'm not upset. Focus on making the drinks, alright?" I nodded into the phone, letting out a small breath. "Laryssa?"

"Alright," I said when I realized that he couldn't see me nodding. "Door's open," I murmured, I clicked off, forcing my legs to get up and take me to the kitchen. I opened the fridge pulling out the milk. I focused on warming it up, pulling down the can that held the mix. I whisked in the powder, watching it dissolve in the saucepan. It was soothing watching it swirl.

I glanced back at the door when it opened. John cursed, sliding slightly as he entered the living room. "It's freezing. Why isn't the heater on?"

I rolled my eyes at him, bringing down a mug, pouring the hot chocolate. He came to stand next to me, patting my head in thanks when I offered him the warm mug. "Arizona made you a wuss."

"Don't be a hater. I should start calling you a pale face," John grinned, taking down another mug pouring the rest into it. He pushed the mug into my hands, nodding his head towards the living room. So much for trying to be healthy today. "Look at this gorgeous tan skin. Arizona gave me that."

I kicked my shoes off, pulling my feet under my body. I tossed the throw over his lap since he was cold. "It's not even cold. You still have dry skin, so your skin is meh at most," I said, ignoring the slight chill in the house. I was used to it and it hardly bothered me. "Call me a pale face and you'll find yourself locked outside in the rain and wind."

John rolled his eyes, touching his face. I hid my smirk behind my mug. He actually had clear skin and I was a little bit jealous. "Vicious. How are you?"

"I think I should be asking you that," I stared at the blank TV, curling into myself. The mug felt nice against my palms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your relationship."

"You didn't ruin anything Laryssa. Sure he's angry, I did break a promise." John sighed, setting his mug on the coffee table, turning to stare at me. He ran his fingers through his hair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I can handle his anger." I clicked my tongue against my teeth, turning so that I could rest my head on the back of the couch and face him. "I see you and him as my little siblings. Granted I'm an only child, but I spent so much time with you two. I made a choice and I stand by it. Do you regret asking?"

"No," I answered, feeling better that I knew. "He wants to protect me. But, he doesn't have too. Not anymore," I grimaced at my faults. If there was anything that I regretted, it was that I chose this path for us. When I had made my choice, I had accidentally made his. If it had been different, then maybe this wouldn't be happening. "He needs a male figure, someone to look up too. I didn't want to take that away."

"You worry too much," John said, picking his mug back up. "Have faith in me." John grinned, slurping from his mug. I wrinkled my nose at his disgusting behavior. "Now, tell me about this project for your mom."

12:49 p.m. Inside Chiago House, La Push, Washington

"John if you don't knock it off I'm going to knee you where the sun doesn't shine," I grumbled half-heartedly thankful that he was helping me clean off the table. He had stopped to read some of mom's drafts and the voices he was making, no matter how funny they were, were a disgrace to mom's book.

"You wound me," He sighed, setting the papers in the box. "My voices are getting be-" He stopped when the door opened. I peeked around the corner seeing Jay and Paul grinning as they shook off the access water. "Who's that," I jumped when John asked suddenly beside me.

"Don't do that," I smacked him with the stack of papers I had clutched in my hand. I looked back at Paul, seeing him eyeing John wearily. "I'll go get some towels," I murmured, shoving the papers in John's hands, silently telling him to get back to work. I quickly walked to the linen closet grabbing two of the towels. I walked back seeing that the guys hadn't moved an inch. I frowned slightly offering Paul and Jay a towel. Paul took the towel gently, not daring to take his eyes off of John. "You okay?" Paul glanced at me nodding quickly before he glanced back at John. I furrowed my eyebrows wondering what was going on. I glanced at Jay when he sighed, wiping his face before he trailed over to John. I watched with hope blooming in my chest as John held out his hand to him. Jay smiled slightly, taking his hand, letting John pull him into a hug. I grinned, leaning back slightly accidentally brushing against Paul. I turned, tilting my head slightly when Paul kept his eyes on John. "Hey, thirsty?" I was hoping that it would snap him out of whatever was going through his mind.

His eyes snapped to mine and I could see anger flash through his eyes. Without thinking, I set my hand over his that was gripping the towel tightly. "Paul, this is John. John this is Laryssa's boyfriend Paul."

I froze at Jay's introduction. I hadn't even thought to introduce Paul and I wasn't sure how he would react to being called my boyfriend. We were just dating, and I didn't think that it meant we were exclusive. I hadn't even kissed him yet. Paul brushed past me, reaching out a hand to John. "Nice to meet you, John. I've heard good things about you."

"I would say the same but it seems Laryssa decided to block out the part where she had a boyfriend," John said, causing me to falter at his accusing tone. John let go of his hand, stepping around him to face me. "Why's that? Embarrassed?"

I caught Paul's hurt look in the mirror before I glared up at John. "Of course not. You're being an ass," I shoved past him, grabbing Paul's hand pulling him towards my art room. It was a place that John wasn't allowed to enter. "I'm sorry," I whispered, once I shut the door and locked it so Jay couldn't barge in. I turned to face him, seeing his face impassive. I faltered, he had never shut me out and I realized maybe I had hurt him and he didn't want me to know. "Paul," I ventured closer, setting my hand on his arm.

"Are you," He asked, sitting on the open stool, staring at me. I let my hand drop to my side. Was I what? I tilted my head wondering what he was asking. "Embarrassed? To be with me?"

"No," I said quickly, wondering if I should touch him. "I'm not. I just didn't know that we were exclusive and he never asked. I should've told him that I was seeing you. I wasn't trying to hide, I'm sorry." I stepped closer to him, my fingers were itching to touch him. I was trying to give him space.

Paul sighed, setting the towel on the desk, rubbing the back of his neck. I closed my eyes cursing myself internally for not telling John. I had been thoughtless and it was coming back to haunt me. I stared at him, seeing water drip down the side of his face. I stepped forward grabbing the towel, leaning forward making sure that I stayed a good distance away so he could push me away if he wanted as I tried to wipe the side of his face before I chickened out. I ignored his eyes, focusing on drying his hair when he didn't push me away. He must have been caught in the downpour when it started up again. I jumped slightly when his arms rested on my hips clasping his hands behind my back. He tugged me forward so I was standing in between his legs. I looked down at him, seeing him stare at his lap. "I understand if you were embarrassed."

I stopped drying his hair, leaving the towel on the top of his head. I put my hands under his face, so he could look at me. "I'm not. I don't have any doubts," I stroked the top of his cheek, seeing that he still looked tired. He had repeated those five words to me and somehow they always put me at ease. "Still not getting sleep?" I let go, letting my hands trail up to the towel, lightly scrubbing his scalp.

Paul grinned, his arms tightening around me. He shook his head, resting his forehead on my stomach. I smiled slightly, rubbing the towel lightly at the back of his head. "I'm sorry for doubting." I chuckled slowly, taking the towel off his head, letting my nails run over his upper back. I bit my lip when he pushed his forehead further into my stomach. I shoved my insecurities down, focusing on him.

"I'm sorry I gave you a reason too." I didn't like how it felt when there was doubt and I wondered if that's how he felt when I doubted him. I needed to trust because I didn't like this feeling and I didn't want him to feel like this. "I'll be better," I promised.

"You're okay being called my girlfriend?" I shivered at the word, feeling happiness start to bubble at the pit of my stomach. He pulled back, resting his chin on my stomach, looking up at me.

"Yeah, more than okay," I mumbled, trying not to grin widely at my admission. I set my hands on his cheeks again, watching his eyes flutter close. I sighed harshly when I heard an obnoxious knock on the door and the door try to open. Whatever peace we had made evaporated, with the continued knocking. "Should we sneak out the window," I asked, not wanting to deal with John and Jay.

"We can hang out at my place," Paul grinned, raising his eyebrow at me. I grinned back nodding, pulling him over to the window. I yanked it open, staring up at the rain starting to fall harder. "I'll go first," He whispered, causing me to shiver at how low his voice was. I nodded, stepping to the side watching him, pull himself out of the window with ease. Paul turned around, beckoning me out the window. I swallowed hard when his grey shirt started sticking to his body. I leaned out, feeling his warm hands settle on my waist as he picked me up effortlessly, pulling me the rest of the way through the window. I blushed, when he pressed me closer to him, I could feel every defined muscle and how warm he was. I couldn't help but grin at the cool rain that pelted against my skin, cooling my heated flesh. "C'mon."

I held in the laughter as we ran to his truck. I had almost fallen a few times, but his quick reflexes caught me so I didn't face plant in the mud. He opened his door, letting me slide in first. He followed quickly, turning to glance at me. I laughed staring down at our drenched clothes, relishing in the fact that I was running in the rain with my boyfriend. My nerves were burning up in excitement, it was the first time that I felt exhilarated. Paul laughed starting to turn on the truck, his laugh prompted shivers to shoot up my spine. I set my hand on his arm, unable to laugh any further. Paul stared down at me in confusion, his laughter dying out, I took in the water dripping down his face, his hair was sticking to his face and his brown eyes were darker than they had ever been. Before I lost my sudden courage, I leaned up kissing him quickly. I instantly pulled away when my anxiety started creeping up in the back of my mind. I didn't know what I was thinking. "I'm sor-" I froze when his warm hands cupped my cheeks gently, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin.

Time seemed to freeze as his lips met mine. The only thing that I could even think about as I closed my eyes was him. It was his soft lips pressed against mine and his warm hands, and how they felt so good against the chill. My mind was drawing blanks at the sensory overload. He pulled away too quickly and I was majorly disappointed that I had to breathe. I opened my eyes to see a wide grin on his face and multiple emotions running across his eyes. I pulled his hands into mine, squeezing them tightly before I let them go. I couldn't help but mirror his grin, not feeling an ounce of embarrassment. I had only kissed two other people before, those kisses didn't feel anything like how this moment felt. I had been embarrassed during the aftermath of my previous kisses, I had bolted so I didn't die of my embarrassment. The last thing on my mind was running. Instead, I scooted closer to his side, tucking myself into him as I placed my head on his shoulder, grinning wildly at my heart pounding in my chest and his warm hand resting on my knee as he backed out of my driveway.

1:49 p.m. Inside Lahote House, La Push, Washington

Paul glanced around his room, wincing at the empty soda cans and five-hour energy bottles. He didn't even think about the state of his house when he invited her over. He hadn't had time to clean in between patrols, school, and spending time with her. The only thing he wanted was to spend time with her. Her home was in better shape than his and he hoped that she didn't mind.

"You know five-hour energy isn't really healthy for you," She chided with a smile, using the towel he offered her to dry her hair. "It doesn't help you sleep." Laryssa stared at him, drying the sides of her face.

"Sorry it's a mess," Paul murmured, wishing he had taken his father's offer to clean before he left for Seattle. She shrugged, shivering slightly. He realized that she was still in her wet clothes, he kept forgetting that his temperature ran hotter than hers. "I have some dry clothes you can change into. I can put yours in the dryer." He bent down, yanking out his bottom drawer quickly. He shifted through his old clothes, hoping she had something to fit her smaller form so she wasn't swimming in his clothes. Paul grabbed his old black sweatpants and a simple dark t-shirt. He handed them to her, smiling at her pink cheeks. He couldn't help himself as he leaned down to kiss her cheek gently. He heard her breath hitch and her fingers lightly brush against his. "You can change in there," He pulled away, hiding his smirk when he noticed her cheeks darken. He watched her shuffled towards his restroom, noticing the way her leggings hugged her figure. Once the door shut, he got to work quickly cleaning up the room. He fixed his bed, pulling out one of the old blankets he used to use before he shifted. He opened the bottom drawer pulling out the wooly socks he wore when it got too cold.

Paul stopped when the door opened and she stepped out. His breath caught in the back of his throat. He swallowed hard trying to contain the sudden rush of pride at Laryssa in his clothes. Part of him wanted to hold her close to him and never let her leave the house. He didn't know what it was, but there was something about her being dwarfed in his shirt, and his sweats cuffed at the bottom so she didn't step on them. He could smell his scent mixing with hers and it was starting to make him dizzy. She made something so small, so desirable. "Where should I put these," Her soothing voice broke through his trance.

"I'll take them," He walked towards her, holding his hands out for the wet clothes. Up close he could see her skin still flushed, and her loose hair starting to curl at the ends. "There are some socks on the bed. Make yourself comfortable." He couldn't help himself as he brushed his fingers across her soft cheek. It was one thing that he couldn't get enough of. He had taken a huge chance holding her close that day she had gifted him her painting. He was glad that he had taken the chance to hold her since it opened the door to being able to touch her without the fear of her getting frightened. "I'll be right back."

He pulled back, heading to the dryer to dry her clothes. He tossed her clothes in, freezing slightly when his eyes caught onto the navy bra. Paul stepped back, tugging his shirt off tossing it in to cover up the material. He tried his best not to picture how the color navy complimented her tan skin. He pulled his damp jeans off, quickly pulling on some black basketball shorts. Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath he shut the dryer turning it on. Quickly he riffled through the clothing he had yet to fold, as he looked for a shirt. He was burning up and he wanted to forgo the shirt, he wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with him shirtless without others around. It was different when they were at the beach. He slowly tailed back to his room, pausing at the door when he saw her sitting in the middle of his bed staring up at her painting. A soft smile was on her face, she turned to look at him.

He moved, throwing himself beside her, grinning when she giggled. Paul laid his head on her thigh closing his eyes when her fingers ran across his bare shoulder. "So I read something, the other day…" He opened his eyes, giving her his full attention.

"Which was," He mumbled, his hand coming up to rest on her lower back. He started tracing shapes when he noticed how nervous she seemed.

"Well to help promote trust, long periods of physical contact stimulates chemicals in your brain that help with uh trust," Laryssa mumbled, her fingers stopped as she stared up at the painting. "Never mind, that sounded weird."

Paul sat up, setting his hand on the other side of her. He stared into her eyes, bumping his nose against hers. "No judgment. Tell me what you wanted to say."

Laryssa closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his. "Take a really long nap with me?"

He wanted to laugh at how simple her request was. One of these days she was going to realize that she had him wrapped around her finger. "Is this way to get me to sleep?"

She pulled away pursing her lips at his question. "Is it working?" He grinned at her, brushing his lips against her cheek.

"A little bit," He pulled her so she was sitting in his lap. "Sleeping next to each other, helps with trust?" Laryssa hummed nodding shyly, and he could see the pretty pink color spread across her cheeks. The more he saw her blush, he realized that it was his favorite color. "I have something I want to give you first." He leaned back, pulling out a small box from the nightstand.

Laryssa grinned at him when she took the box gently. She leaned further into him, opening the little purple box. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, smiling when he heard her gasp. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, pulling out the silver chain holding the pendant wood carving of a sunflower. He had made it the day she told him that she liked sunflowers. "Put it on me?" Paul nodded, taking the chain from her. She swept her hair to the side, shivering lightly when his fingers brushed across the back of her neck. He watched her fingers, trail up to the pendant, running her fingers against it. "It's beautiful."

"You think so," He asked, watching her turn to stare at him.

She nodded, her hands reaching up to cup his cheeks. "Yeah, I do." He glanced down at the necklace, picking up the pendant. He didn't tell her that the last time he had craved was before he shifted. "You remembered?"

"I craved it the day you told me that you liked them," He brushed his thumb across it one last time, setting it back down. "C'mon, let's take a nap." He looked at her expectantly.

Laryssa beamed at him, kissing the tip of his nose. He leaned back pulling her back with him. She braced herself on his shoulders, staring down at him. Paul gazed up at her, holding her hips. "This isn't a nap," She trailed off, leaning down to kiss his cheek. Paul smirked, "Don't you dar-" He turned to the side pulling her down so she was lying beside him. She huffed at him, brushing away the hair that blocked her view. Laryssa mock glared at him as he pulled her close, tucking his head on top of hers. He felt her fingers trail up his back, reaching the back of his neck, pulling his hair at the nape of his neck lightly. He felt her smirk against his chest. "Get some rest," He heard her murmur as she maneuvered closer to him. Paul sighed in content, pulling her impossibly closer, letting her scent calm him as he drifted off.

Let me know what you guys think!

Edited on May 24, 2020.